CHAPTER 20:

MELANCHOLY

Tiamat was morose as they took the cart back to Uruk. Harry soothed her as best as she could, but it did only so much to relieve her melancholy as she huddled into his side, occasionally emitting morose songs. Jack the Ripper and Nursery Rhyme cuddling into her did a little, but again, it wasn't enough.

When they got back to Uruk, Gilgamesh dismissed them, and they all headed back to the Chaldean HQ. Harry cooked them a meal, as was his usual wont, with most of the Servants leaving to do their own thing prior to dinner time. Tiamat, however, remained, as did Hermione and Arturia.

Hermione looked to the draconic deity. "…Tiamat, you don't have to answer my question if you don't want to, but…why exactly did Kingu's words cause you to be enraged? I mean, I know I would be angered if I was called such vile names, but…I feel there's more."

Tiamat looked up at Hermione, her eyes meeting the witch's sullenly. Eventually, she said, "My song swelled with fury for two main reasons. The first were his words. I have only slept with Abzu and Harry. I take offence to being considered promiscuous to such an egregious degree. The second was…Kingu himself."

Hermione frowned, before enlightenment dawned. "That's right…in Babylonian myth, Kingu was the name of one of your children. In myth, you made him your consort as well…though I am guessing that didn't happen here."

"No. I trusted the real Kingu to be my lieutenant, but we never slept with each other. He perished when Marduk slew him…and the grief from losing my child…allowed him to…" Her hands crept up to her throat again, remembering Marduk's attack. "That doll is an impostor twice over. He wears the body of Enkidu, and the name of my most favoured child…and he acts nothing like either. His song is one of discord, hatred and destruction."

"I see. Tiamat…while I cannot presume to say you should not do that in future, unbridled fury is the enemy," Arturia said sagely. "Kingu nearly killed you. What would have happened, I know not, but at a guess, this part of you may have ended up wholly subsumed within the part of you that desires our subjugation if not destruction. It goes without saying that this is something that should be avoided. And of course, you are of considerable value to Harry, nay, to all of us. In the short time I have known you, Tiamat, I count you, if not as a friend, then as a highly-valued ally that I want to be friends with."

A faint, sad smile touched Tiamat's lips. "…Thank you, Arturia."

"You are welcome, Tiamat. In life, I sadly alienated a number of my allies with my…inhumanity, my striving to be a perfect king. The King does not understand human feelings, Tristain once berated me. It certainly was a key factor to Camelot's downfall. Lancelot and Guinevere's affair, my rejection of Mordred as my heir and her rebellion…"

"Yeah, you said you allowed yourself to be summoned for the Holy Grail War for two different wishes," Harry mused. "The first time, you wanted to redo your reign. But after you saw Lancelot as a Berserker, you thought you didn't have the capacity to be king anymore, and wanted to ensure someone more worthy took your place. Which is utter bollocks, by the way. I can understand you wanting to redo your reign, I'd be a hypocrite otherwise, but wanting someone else to take your place? I've only known you a couple of weeks, Arturia, but I reckon you make a fine king. Then again, maybe it's because you're probably more human than you were before."

"…Indeed. The Fourth Holy Grail War broke me down. The Fifth built me back up again. And this Grand Order of Chaldea…in spite of what I have seen and experienced, in both alternates of myself and others…I consider myself a far better person, king and knight than I have been before. Lancelot and Mordred, I have reconciled with, along with Iskandar and Waver Velvet. Mash, I have protected and trained. The Masters, I have not only fought for…but become friends with."

Harry nodded to himself. Out of the Servants from Chaldea, he certainly got along best with Arturia, though there were plenty of close contenders for second place. Mordred, Medusa's adult form, Enkidu, Altera, Medea, Jeanne d'Arc, Atalanta, Alice and Jack the Ripper. He didn't count Mash amongst them, despite her ability to get along with everyone. As far as he was concerned, Mash was a human with some extra abilities…and baggage.

It spoke volumes that, over the past fortnight, Harry often sought out Arturia for guidance regarding his desire to change history. While Hermione and Quetzlcoatl were personable enough, and the former had been his friend for years, they didn't quite have the same desires, and so didn't quite share his perspective. Arturia did, as did Mordred.

King Hassan had suggested that Harry ask Arturia about EMIYA, and he'd eventually plucked up the courage to do so. He had to admit, EMIYA's situation sounded worse than his own: effectively locked in a deal with the Devil…well, Alaya. A Counter-Guardian, forced to kill for eternity, a soul-eroding prospect for anyone, but for the idealistic Shirou Emiya, who wanted to save everyone he could, becoming a Counter-Guardian was Hell. It basically meant killing a lot of people for the Greater Good.

EMIYA had come up with a plan, though. Under certain circumstances, Counter-Guardians could be summoned as Servants in a Grail War, and he remembered, albeit vaguely, his own future self, as a sardonic Archer, though he wouldn't make the connection until it was too late. He decided to join a Grail War and try to kill a version of his younger self that was close enough to his former ideals, and hopefully cause a time paradox that would erase EMIYA from existence. It was an insane plan with only a small percentage of success, but EMIYA didn't care, given the torment he went through.

He didn't succeed in the timeline Arturia went through, but it was a near thing. Shirou was forced to fight his future alternate self in a battle to the death, not just of power and prowess, but of ideals and conviction. Only because EMIYA faltered in the latter did Shirou prevail over his future alternate self.

That sort of thing struck a chord with him. He had to admit, in hindsight, that he had become tremendously self-absorbed in his obsession with changing history, but EMIYA's story showed how it could possibly be worse. True, neither he nor Arturia were the only Servants who desired to change history, nor was Mordred. But EMIYA was at a very extreme end of the scale.

It didn't mean Harry had wholly given up his desire to change his history. But he was considering it more carefully than before, and was at least open to the idea of abandoning the notion. It wasn't easy to do so, but…well, he had so many things to consider.

He had discreetly interrogated Hermione, Ritsuka, Dr Roman, Olga, and Da Vinci as to how Rayshifting worked, just in case. They twigged to what he wanted, but pointed out that Rayshifting was only authorised in dealing with anomalies in time, partly because of the already dubious legalities of Rayshifting with the UN, but also partly because of the Counter-Force issue. They still explained the process, at least in broad terms. They could transport quantities of non-living matter, organic or not, back from the past, but it was doubtful that Rayshifting could retrieve him. However, they could send a stasis device that Da Vinci was currently working on. It did mean Harry and Tiamat would have to make their way to Antarctica, to where Chaldea was situated, in order to avoid the incineration that had consumed the rest of history, but still…

He'd have to find another way. Chaldea had done so much for history, while he had done comparatively little. True, befriending Tiamat was no mean feat, but compared to the Singularities they had gone through before, it felt like his contribution was small by comparison. He didn't want to jeopardise what could be a very delicate situation by trying to hijack their equipment for his own purposes. Hermione had hinted that, even if they managed to stop Goetia, both the UN and Clock Tower might come down hard on Chaldea for all the unauthorised Rayshifts. The latter more than the former, really: Magus society may be more egalitarian and pragmatic than wizarding society, but hubris and blinkeredness and bigotry still infested them. And they could be as ungrateful as the wizards too…

After dinner, Tiamat decided to wander the streets of Uruk, letting her song guide her through the chorus of the masses. Kingu's vile notes had affected her badly, and while the reassurances of Harry and the others meant much to her, she still needed to take her song away from the others. Harry recognised that.

She gazed upon the people of Uruk. Her children, even if not her immediate offspring. So filled with songs of life and laughter, despite the impending dirge of destruction upon them. And her isolation from them still hit her. Few here amongst the citizens knew what she was. She knew, even if Gilgamesh sang the truth to them, there would arise a discord of panic.

All she wanted to do was to love them, to embrace them, to sing an ode to joy. But she knew she could never truly do so. They feared her, long before the false Tiamat came onto the scene. She only trusted the Servants, the royal household, and, of course, the Chaldeans with her identity.

She looked up to the sky, to the ring of light created by Goetia, like an eye glaring down at her, balefully. It seemed to sing a song of mockery at her, a braying note of contempt. She realised, with a start, that Kingu's song was that of Goetia's. Like a puppet, no, a parrot, the false Enkidu with her beloved child's name sang back what Goetia did.

Tiamat slumped against a wall in a quiet part of the city, and began gently singing a song of sorrow and distress, releasing the song that had been pent up in her breast. Harry couldn't quite understand the true depths of her sorrow and anger, as good-hearted as he was. He could only do so much to help her pain. So too could his friends, as well as the Servants. As loving as Jack and Alice were, and as understanding as Atalanta was, Tiamat didn't want them at the moment. She needed solace.

And there was more. Arturia had been right. In fact, that's what frightened Tiamat the most. If she died, if her song merged with her other half, and became one with Beast II…then all of this was for nothing. Her song of happiness and love would be silenced forever, or at least twisted and distorted into whatever Beast II wanted. And what Beast I wanted.

She didn't want to die. And yet, despite technically being immortal, that is what awaited her if this form was silenced. Her lament dissolved into sobs, and she held her face in her hands, tears welling up in them.

She didn't notice the threnody approaching her until its bearer spoke.

"All that begins will end one day. Thus does death append a value to life. Thy countenance speaks a dark truth, Primordial Mother. Thou hast heard the faintest echoes of the evening bell tolling thy name."

Tiamat whirled to see Ziusudra standing there, his expression surprisingly kindly, despite his dark song, in both presence and words. But now, she saw him as he truly was, flickering like a flame, superimposed over the old man. A massive, armoured figure, its head a horned, skull-like helmet, through which eyes glowing like blue flame peered at her.

Summoning up her ability to speak the human tongue, Tiamat opened her mouth, only for the old man to hold up a hand. "Speak as thou wilt, Primordial Mother, if speaking thine own tongue makes thee more comfortable."

Tiamat shook her head. It doesn't, she sang. What does the Grand Assassin want with me? Are you here to silence my song, or to bray in mockery?

"Steady thy heart, Primordial Mother. The evening bell has not truly tolled thy name. Nor hath I come to mock thee. I came not as the First Hassan-i Sabbah, or as the Grand Assassin, but as one concerned for one undergoing a crisis of faith. An irony, considering thou art a deity. A pagan deity to my faith, and a fallen deity, but a deity all the same."

Tiamat peered at the Grand Assassin, before turning away. Why do you care? You are…I believe Hermione sang to me of the Sword of Damocles.

"An apt description, but while I am but a tool of the World as a Grand Servant, I am not without feeling or compassion." He walked over to her, and looked up at the sky. "…Thou art afraid of thine own self, thine fragment, regressing back into what she is." Tiamat nodded mutely. "Thou art correct in being afraid, but do not let it overwhelm thee. The Progeny of the True Peverell, thine consort, is there for thee, along with the Chaldeans. Thou art changing, and for the better, Primordial Mother. When thou were still one, thou still desired a vaunted eternity that was little more than a hollow slumber. Born from humanity's folly, thy empty benevolence which desired regression only served to expose thy rejection's cause, thus damning thee as a Beast of Calamity."

I DON'T WANT THAT! Tiamat cried out, whirling to face him, her fangs bared in a snarl of anger. Her song of anger soon sublimated into sorrow, and she began sobbing. ...All I want is my children's love. I don't want to bind them to me forever, just…let them know…their mother cares about them, even as they leave me. I want to live amongst them, to be by their side…and yet…I can't. They will sing songs of fear. I can't bear that.

The Grand Assassin peered at her solemnly, before nodding. "Fear is an insidious poison, as is self-doubt. 'Twas the former that turned thee to Beasthood. To humanity, thou art a most fearful monster…but thou fear humanity. Thou fear their turning on thee, like thine children did to thee." He gently touched her neck, his touch surprisingly warm, not the cold song she expected. But she still flinched at him touching that place. "Marduk left deep wounds on thee, and I speak not just of the body. It is not thy death thou feared, until now…but rejection. Renunciation of thy love. And now that thy love is more natural, more hale and hearty than it was before…thou fear it not being reciprocated."

Tiamat nodded mutely.

"Thy fears art not unfounded. But…thou already hath so many who care for thee, compared to before. The Beast of Calamity has no friends, only minions, thralls and peons. But Tiamat has many. Even if the people here may not accept thee, others already hath done so."

…That does not help my song of sorrow, Grand Assassin, Tiamat sang.

"Perhaps not. But thou art rejecting thine own nature as a Beast, that of Regression. Thou art not the only Beast of Calamity to do so. The Beast that embodies Comparison also rejects their nature. That is not weakness, but strength."

Tiamat thought she knew what the Grand Assassin meant. It was something she suspected for some time. She could not confirm it, but Merlin had hinted that Fou, the creature Merlin dubbed Cath Pulug, was actually Beast IV, known as Primate Murder, the Beast of Gaia. But the Grand Assassin had more to say.

"Thou hath found love, not solely the maternal love for thine children, but for another. Forsake not that love, Primordial Mother. Thou art his anchor to sanity, just as he is thine own anchor to humanity. I hope thou treasures that happiness." A faint smile touched the Grand Assassin's lips, before he turned away. "My leave, I take. Go, and rest, Primordial Mother. Rest with thy lover. A storm is coming upon Uruk. Thy impostor will make her move ere long."

With that, a gust of wind blew up a brief cloud of dust, and the Grand Assassin disappeared. Tiamat could not say his words reassured her or leavened the heaviness of her song. But…she knew she needed some affection now that she had enough time to herself, and had vented to the one who was a dirge towards her. Her, an entity that shouldn't know death.

But as she prepared to head back, she looked back up at the sky, at the ring of light, formed by Goetia. Her face twisted into a snarl of fury and hatred, and she screamed a wordless song of defiant anger at the ever-present reminder of the author of her current state, the one who intended to visit a song of destruction on her children. Then, she headed back to the Chaldean HQ.

There will be a song of reckoning and retribution, Goetia, she thought to herself. My children will not fight you alone. You will pay dearly for making a mockery of me, of my children, and of humanity. You will sing for a mercy that I will not grant you, not until my song of wrath is spent…

CHAPTER 20 ANNOTATIONS:

Well, there you go.

Now, when I originally wrote this chapter, Hinako had arrived back. But I realised, this chapter became all about Hinako discussing her past and what she thought about Chaldea. It wasn't enough about Tiamat trying to come to terms with what happened. Hence my changing things to Arturia. True, the first half of the chapter became a meditation on both Arturia and Harry's characters, but it helped with segueing into Tiamat's discussion with King Hassan. Yeah, I know I'm making a habit of having characters have one-on-one conversations with him, but I actually think King Hassan as a character (rather than as basically an OP 'fuck you' to the enemies of Chaldea) is woefully underutilised. True, he does sort of mentor Ritsuka throughout the Babylonia Singularity, and it was this side I wanted to expand on.

Outside of his successors, I'd like to think King Hassan has a stern but compassionate nature. I view him as a sort of mentor figure. True, he is somewhat harsh and cold, but he also has his own sense of honour and compassion. And while he hasn't exactly reassured Tiamat, he has prevented her from getting worse. Seriously, his fandom name is Gramps, and here, it sort of fits. I also thought it fitting to use elements of his speech to Tiamat in canon against her Jurassic form, but to reword it so that it is more of an affirmation of Tiamat's growth, rather than a condemnation of her lack thereof. What was once awesome has become heartwarming.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. I can't say when the next chapter will be out, but I hope you enjoyed this one all the same.

Review-answering time! Sonicdude8: I was actually under the impression that was more of a biological thing rather than her soul actually expiring.

The Shadows Mistress: Harry is rather specialised in his education. While he knows some myths here and there, Irish myth isn't one of them. He's heard of Cu Chulainn in passing, but that's it. He's more focused on magic he can use here and now rather than its history. Hell, he had to force himself to learn about how Time-Turners work because of his obsession with changing the past. Unlike Hermione, Harry's not really a polymath. Most of what he's good at, he's been an autodidact.

Skull Flame: I'd like to think Irish and Scottish Servants would be rather opinionated on the matter. Scathach is probably more annoyed at being called British because she's proud of her Scottish heritage, though this doesn't necessarily mean she's an Anglophobe either. Actually, there's some humour around that in Fate: Sunny Order, where Arturia and others allude to an incident where she nearly got Cornwall to secede from the rest of the UK, and while she's on good terms with the Queen, she's not so happy with the British government and Brexit.

Guest (probably WearyCurmudgeon): One of the Caster Servants present in Chaldea is Paracelsus, a known alchemist, but I don't think he was able to create anything for Mash.

No numbered annotations this time.