Chapter 18

I found a cab to take Kitty and me back to Harrington's Clinic. I didn't want that half-mile walk to damage the image of her I'd seen this morning. I hoped seeing her like this would go a long way towards cheering Matt and help him push towards recovery. To be honest I was also anxious to see the look on his face when he saw her.

Doctor Harrington had a very intense regimen to help his spinal injury patients recover. Sadly, not everyone had injuries that were amenable to recovery, but Gabriel assured me that he thought Matt had a good chance. Consequently he would be working him on a very rigorous schedule.

That same busy schedule was well underway when we arrived. Harrington had talked about heat and cold applications to the damaged area of the spine. I had no idea if it worked or not, but in a situation where there was very little scientific evidence either way we had to work with what we had.

Matt was lying face down on the bed with a large ice pack on his back. He lifted his head as we walked in.

"Oh, Kitty…" I knew from the look on his face that he was about to say she shouldn't have come, but then his expression changed. "You're wearing that dress." There was a sense of contentment, even excitement that I hadn't seen on Matt's face for quite a while.

She went to him and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. "You just lie still and finish your treatment while I sit right here." She pulled the chair closer to the bed.

Much as I wanted to stay, I knew I should leave and give them the opportunity for a few minutes of privacy. I closed the door quietly and was surprised to see Maria standing there.

"Don't you ever go home?" I jested.

She had a pleasant smile reflected in warm, brown eyes. I realized she was a lot younger than I had presumed at our previous meetings. She was probably no more than twenty-five years of age.

"Dr. Harrington is my father. I've been working for him for a long time. He needs someone to keep him organized, and I'm one of the few people who can handle that. It does mean long hours, but his methods are helping so many patients that I don't mind."

I looked at her left hand and saw the wedding band - that explained the different name.

"I'm glad he has you then."

"He wanted me to ask you to come talk with him for a few minutes. He's just finishing up seeing a new patient but he won't be long. You can wait in his office if you like."

Waiting is not an easy thing to do. Especially when one of the finest men you've ever known has his future hanging in the balance. I picked up a medical journal from the bookcase by the window and idly flipped through the pages. My mind wasn't on the printed words in front of me. It just gave my hands something to do. That feeling of helplessness was trying to overwhelm me again. Was there some bad news Harrington needed to discuss? I'd been Matt's personal physician for much of his adult life and had cared for him through many injuries and illnesses. I couldn't count the number of nights I'd sat in that old rocking chair back in my office, monitoring a fever or keeping a check on a dressing in case there was new bleeding. It was inevitable that I felt a strong sense of responsibility for his welfare. Now I had to accept that I no longer had the knowledge necessary to take care of him. It made it even more difficult to watch someone else making medical decisions for Matt Dillon.

I put the journal back in the bookcase and looked out of the window to the street below. Horses, wagons, people all moving back and forth among the numerous stores, just going about their everyday lives while my thoughts were focused on a certain lawman's future. Of course I was concerned about Kitty too. Would her dreams end right here? I knew she would willingly stay with Matt even if he were forced to give up the badge. She'd told me that, but could Matt Dillon allow it to happen?

A noise behind me made me turn around. Harrington was standing there.

"You were deep in thought, Galen," he said. He was holding a stack of folders in his arms and placed them on the desk, carefully separating them into two separate piles.

"Yes, I was," I admitted as I turned around and shook his offered hand.

"I wanted to give you an update on my plans for your patient." He seated himself in the chair behind his desk and indicated that I should take one of the chairs opposite.

"I've asked Maria to bring us some coffee in a few minutes," he started. "In the meantime, I spoke with Dr. Lassiter about covering your practice in Dodge City. He's extremely excited about the prospect, and I think he's well suited to general practice. He's very knowledgeable, and patients seem to like him. Anyway, I've arranged for him to be here at three this afternoon so that you can talk to him. Ah! Here's Maria."

He'd jumped to his feet to hold the door for his daughter as she brought in a silver tray complete with cups, coffee pot, and all the extras. Harrington took it from her and set it on his desk between the stacks of folders, and numerous scattered papers and journals. I could see why he needed someone like Maria to keep his files in order. Someone who knew him well and could make order out of the chaos.

He poured the coffee and offered cookies. They'd been arranged on a china plate decorated with a floral design matching the delicate coffee cups. I thought of the white china mugs hanging on the wall above the stove back in my office. That seemed a lifetime away.

I declined the cookies then took a few sips of coffee before making eye contact again.

"So Gabriel, what plans do you have for Matt?"

"Theoretically from how that bullet was placed, he should regain normal function in his left leg. I'm not so sure about the right, but it is still too early to expect much improvement. As I told you before, sometimes it can take six weeks, maybe longer before we can make a meaningful evaluation."

He lifted his coffee cup and took a few swallows before looking at me again.

"We're waiting on that back brace. Once we have that, we'll start getting him up once or twice a day and see exactly where we are. Meantime, all we can do is continue with the therapy. I think in another two or three days I'll test him again to see if there has been any progress."

He got up from behind the desk, came towards me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I know you've taken care of the marshal for many years. I've seen the evidence of that, and by now you two must have a close relationship. If he does get to walk again it will be because you managed to extract that bullet when you did. All I'm doing is trying to get things working again. Maybe one day we will have better tools, better ways to give us answers. I'm hoping I can contribute to those discoveries, but for now it's just wait and see."

For a man who usually showed little emotion, this was a very sincere gesture. I appreciated it, but it did little to ease my concerns.

He turned and sat on the corner of the desk. I passed a hand across my face before I continued. "I understand, Gabriel, and I appreciate everything you're doing for him. Matt Dillon is a dedicated lawman. I've known him since he first rode into town as a brash young marshal, all those years ago. He's been responsible for changing Dodge City into a place where people feel safe to live, run a business and raise a family. During that time I've watched him face brawling cowboys, hired guns, bank robbers, every type of outlaw you can imagine, and somehow survive them all. This injury was caused by a drunken, no-good, little wretch. Someone who was too much of a coward to face him head on. He hid in an alleyway and shot the marshal in the back. I would hate to see Matt's career ended like that."

He listened to my words without interrupting, then thought for a moment before replying. "Let me promise you this much, Galen. I'll do everything possible to get him walking again. Whatever it takes, we can do it. He might find our regimen a little exhausting, even painful at times, but as long as he can tolerate it we'll continue to push him as hard as we can."

What more could I ask? Gabriel Harrington was not an effusive man. Sometimes he could seem very distant because he never allowed himself to become emotionally involved with the patients he treated. He was definitely not known for his bedside manner, so I knew he meant exactly what he said. He wasn't trying to fill me with a lot of false hope. I thanked him for everything he was doing and took my leave, promising to be back this afternoon to meet with Lassiter. I hoped the young doctor would be able to relieve me of the necessity of returning home right now. I really needed to stay here with Matt and Kitty for at least another week or two.

That afternoon, I returned to the clinic with Newly and Festus in tow. While they went to visit with Matt, I met with young Lassiter. I talked with him for almost an hour trying to judge his knowledge and skills. He had excellent credentials, and Harrington recommended him highly. In the end, it was decided that he would travel to Dodge on the train with Festus and Newly. As we headed for Matt's room, I warned Lassiter about Festus with his scruffy appearance and cantankerous nature.

"But don't be fooled," I told him. "Festus is smarter than most men you will ever meet, and when it comes to taking care of Dodge, he's one of the best. You can totally rely on him." I smiled a little, thinking of all the arguments Festus and I had indulged ourselves in. "You can also rely on Newly O'Brian," I added. "He studied medicine for a while before he got sidetracked into being a gunsmith. Between the two of them, they should be able to answer any questions or give you any help you need. I know there is one young woman due to deliver her first baby a few days after you get there, and maybe another young mother or two in the next few weeks." Lassiter already told me he was very comfortable with obstetrics and had done all kinds of deliveries when he'd taken over his uncle's practice for six months.

"I'd suggest you take Ma Smalley with you to begin with. The local women all know her and it will help them adjust until they get to know you. She's a great help and can even manage an uncomplicated delivery by herself if necessary."

We went to find Festus and Newly, and I introduced them to Dr. Lassiter. Matt was looking tired, so I told them it was time to leave. I explained to Festus that it would probably be a good idea if he drove Dr. Lassiter around the countryside to see any patients, at least for the first few days after returning to Dodge. That way the young doctor could learn his way around, and people would more readily accept him.

After they left, I stood there with Kitty for a few minutes. Matt was half asleep and she reached out for his hand once the others had left.

"Come on," I said to her. "Let's let him rest now. I'll take you to that little cafe so we can get something to eat."

Reluctantly, she agreed and I helped her to her feet.

"I'll be back later Matt," she said over her shoulder as I led her to the door.

()()()

I'd taken Kitty back to the hotel that evening and promised her I would sleep in Matt's room that night, just to make sure he had no problems. Before leaving I'd also checked on Festus and made sure that he and Newly understood about Lassiter and what help he might need. It was therefore quite late by the time I got back to the clinic.

I opened the door quietly so as not to disturb Matt if he was already asleep. The dim light from that single lamp enabled me to find my way to the cot I'd slept on the night before. I removed my tie and jacket and hung them both on a peg, then placed my boots under the cot. I lay down trying to clear my mind so that sleep would come. It seemed I'd barely closed my eyes when a quiet voice came from across the room.

"Doc, are you awake?"

"Yes, Matt. Do you need me?"

"Can you come over here?"

I got up from my bed and walked in stocking feet to where Matt lay. Almost instinctively I checked his pulse and then felt his forehead.

"You don't have a fever. What's wrong?"

"Sit down here...please." In the dim light I could see him indicating the chair where Kitty had been sitting earlier.

I sat and waited. I guessed that Matt wanted to talk. I knew he found it difficult to speak about his hopes, his fears and emotions, but several times when I'd been sitting up keeping a watch over him at night, he'd told me things about himself and how he felt. Things he could never discuss in the light of day.

I waited, not wanting to hurry him until finally he began to talk.

"Doc, am I going to walk again?" His voice was very soft, barely a whisper. It took him a while to get the words out. He wanted to know the answer but at the same time was afraid to ask the question.

"Doctor Harrington seems to think you will."

He didn't say anything for several minutes, and I almost thought that he'd fallen back to sleep. Then he took a breath.

"Doc, I tried to stand when we first got here...and I couldn't do it." His voice was hesitant, almost as if he feared that speaking the words would somehow make them come true.

"I know, Matt. Dr. Harrington told me." What else could I say? I knew that platitudes and excuses would not be of any use when talking to Matt Dillon.

"I really thought I'd be able to walk," he admitted. "What's going to happen if...if," he hesitated for so long that I was tempted to complete his thoughts. But that wouldn't be any help to him. If the worst should happen he was the one that would have to learn to accept and cope with it. Eventually he managed to get the words out…"What if I never can... if I never walk again?"

He'd said it, his worst fear. I needed to let him talk about it, to work it out. I had every reason to hope everything would be all right and Harrington's efforts would pay off, but there was no guarantee.

"You're a smart man, Matt. If that should happen you'd figure something out. You'd find a way to make a living and lead a useful life. You know you have friends who'd help and stand by you."

"Kitty told me that. She said she would still be there and help me find a way to manage."

"She told me that, too. And I know she means it," I replied.

"I couldn't let her do it, Doc. It wouldn't be fair for her to be tied to a...a cripple."

I couldn't see his face in the dim light and dark shadows surrounding us in this confined corner of the room, but I could feel the sadness that he felt. Not for himself but for what he was doing to Kitty. I knew there was nothing much I could say to ease his mind, but I did have to try to chase away the demons that were haunting him.

"Listen to me, Matt Dillon." I turned more to face him rather than continuing to stare at the far wall I'd been looking at up until now. I still couldn't clearly see his face but I hoped he could see mine. I made my voice sterner, trying to emphasize my words to make them strong enough to drown out his doubts. "Kitty loves you. Do you understand what that means? She cares about you, not about that badge or whether you can walk or run or ride. She doesn't care if you never take another step. She will still love you, and I know for sure that you love her too. You have no right to deny her the opportunity to continue to be with you, whatever the circumstances. You have to stop thinking about things you might not be able to do. You are still the same person. The same honest, dependable man you were a week ago. That hasn't changed. The advice I can give you is to stop thinking like that. Dr. Harrington has a very intensive program planned for you. I know it's going to be tough, even painful at times, but I have never known Matt Dillon turn away from a task because it seemed too difficult. Don't lose sight of that. Now, if you don't mind, I need to go get some sleep and I suggest you do the same."

I wondered if I'd been too hard on him. After all he had been through a lot in the last few days. On the other hand I knew Dillon was a man with deep, untapped strength. I had seen it several times before when he'd faced impossible odds. Most other men would have given up and admitted defeat, but not this man. Somehow he had to find that strength now, and I knew he could.

From somewhere I heard the words, "Thanks, Doc. I'll try, I promise."

"Night Matt, go to sleep now," I whispered as I stood up and started back across the room to my own bed

TBC