If The Cold Can't Stop Her

By: SheAlwaysDies

*this story has content related to self harm and abuse*

Five separate pairs of hands were working all over Elsa's body. Elsa could feel each touch no matter how light. There were so many connections assaulting her at once, it made her skin crawl. The Queen wondered if she would ever get used to proximity. If closeness would ever be something she craved with anyone but her baby sister.

Currently, it was making her feel sick. She had to focus all her power into locking her knees so that she didn't run off the podium and reverse all the pinning and measuring the group of seamstresses had spent all morning doing. Gerda entered the dressing room then. The hands started moving faster as they worked under the head maid's scrutinizing eyes.

Elsa noted that Gerda hadn't given her usual happy greeting and hadn't even looked up at the Queen. A clap rang through the room and the hands pressing into Elsa eased away. The women bowed to their Queen and retreated out of the room. Gerda sized Elsa up. Her hand was in her chin. Her eyebrows were furrowed.

"Do you think you've earned your mother's gown?" the head maid asked. Elsa hadn't considered it. She'd never pictured a real wedding, now one was looming, and she was pinned shut into the previous Queen's wedding gown.

"Tarik was my father's choice," Elsa said. If it wasn't a farce she would be displeased to be playing into any plans her father once had for her.

"So you believe yourself to have honoured the King and Queen?" Gerda pried. Elsa wasn't sure why Gerda was looking at her so distastefully.

"What is this about?" Elsa said, not wanting to skirt the issue. She was feeling a little better now that she wasn't surrounded by other people's breathing.

"Anna came to be yesterday morning, making some serious claims about the nature of your relationship with her." Gerda said, and Elsa tried not to let her face look rattled. She adjusted herself, making sure she was the stony Queen people expected her to be.

"Do you believe it is in your station to be addressing me about this?" Elsa asked. She towered the older woman on a good day. In her heels and elevated on the pedestal, Elsa made sure her size mattered as she spoke.

"Absolutely," Gerda said, unphased by the Queen.

"Check yourself," Elsa said with gritted teeth, her heart was starting to race, her magic urging her to let it attack. She hadn't been expecting this.

"Child, I'm pleading with you to deny the Princess's claims that you've carried on an incestual relationship with her." Elsa took a step down off the podium. If her disdain wasn't getting through to Gerda she'd have to make her drop the subject with a different tactic.

"I can't," Elsa said plainly. "I don't know what Anna was thinking disclosing this information but I am sure she did so out of trust. I don't take any betrayals to my sister lightly."

"What of your betrayal? Would you debase your sister so profoundly?" Gerda questioned, her disgust obvious.

"What's done is done Gerda. If you can't see, Anna and I are trying to move past this." Elsa explained as she motioned down at her mother's wedding dress.

"That might be true for you Elsa, but what about the Princess? The last time I spoke to her she seemed willing to take this to war." Elsa tried not to get upset with Anna. It was endearing as much as it was foolish. Elsa imagined it had taken a lot out of her sister to make these claims, to find her honesty. It gave her a little hope that at the end of their upcoming date Anna would choose to leave this place behind. More than anything, Elsa wanted to avoid Anna receiving the same look the Queen was getting from their supposed mother-figure.

"Gerda," Elsa started. Her body was hesitant but she reached out and put her hands on the older woman's shoulders. Elsa didn't want to deny herself anymore. If Gerda knew then there was no reason to hide. The Queen would do whatever it took to keep the head maid in line but she also wouldn't disavow Anna.

Claiming the Princess had backfired when talking to Kristoff. It had rattled her. She'd focused on the ice harvester's words endlessly to find that there was only ever one reason she would leave Arendelle without Anna. The only exception to her dedication to her sister was if Anna asked her to go. What Gerda was saying now proved Kristoff was wrong. Anna was going to choose Elsa. The trolls, for all their foresight, had led her father down the wrong path. They surely had done the same with their human son.

"I, I make no promises." she said, trying to find confidence in her truth.

"Your Majesty, she's your sister, where's your sense to protect her?" Gerda voiced hotly.

"I've dedicated my entire life to protect Anna!" Elsa was yelling now. "Do you think I would let that man within an inch of me if I wasn't breaking myself for her! What more do you want from me?" Elsa's forceful response resonated with the head maid.

"To give Anna a chance for a normal life," She said, bowed her head and turned away, leaving Elsa alone for half a moment until five sets of hands returned to continue invading Elsa's skin.

The dress fitting took another hour. Elsa was relieved to be left alone, naked in the dressing room. She finally felt like she could breathe. She wanted so badly to break open her own skin. The looks she had gotten from Kristoff and Gerda were burned on the inside of her eyes. Their words broke her determination. She conjured a thin piece of ice, and looked at herself. Was there some way to cut into herself where Anna wouldn't notice?

Elsa pressed down at her thigh, but before she pierced herself she realized her magic was quiet. The King had shown her to hurt herself as means to keep her power at bay. It was a way to conceal her magic by suppressing her emotions, by focusing on pain. She wasn't fighting cold right now, she was fighting herself. Elsa dropped the blade of ice and it dissolved before it even hit the ground.

Elsa would need to get herself together a different way. She did not want to be in this state for her date with Anna. Elsa had pushed herself for days to make a window where she could take Anna and give her a glimpse of the life they would share if they left Arendelle behind. She wanted to put a sweet taste in her sister's mouth, paint a picture of them living in a small cottage they built together, out in the woods, away from those that would defy them. She could focus herself on that and less on the tingling on the back of her neck that told she wanted to feel pain.

The Queen conjured a simple dress. She wanted to look good for Anna. The blue of the ice she made was deep in colour and started just off her shoulders. It was fitted at her sides before opening shortly after hips with several panels of sheer ice, leaving slits by her legs so that she could ride horseback. Elsa considered covering her arms but she knew only Anna would be seeing her, and Anna would probably like that she chose to wear her scars.

When Elsa emerged she felt Gerda's eyes on her. The Queen didn't let it bring her back down. The best day of her life was about to start, everything she did from here on out would certainly be in spite of the head maid and the ice harvester. Even with Gerda's eyes on her, Elsa started to run down the palace hallways. Her magic followed her as if it was Olaf's flurry and left a trail of snow as Elsa made her way to the stables. The Captain was at the gates, standing in attention. His demeanour cracked a tiny bit as he saw Elsa approaching fast.

"Are the stables cleared out?" Elsa asked Ioas as she came to a stop beside him.

"Only the Princess is present." The Captain answered. Elsa grew even more excited. She'd left a note next to her sleeping sister for them to meet here. The blonde was running late, but somehow she always was. Elsa reached out to Ioas and gave his arm a squeeze in thanks. Her fingers left a coating of snow on him and she brushed it off apologetically and then went past the entrance.

"We'll be out in five," she called out over her shoulder.

Anna was standing face to face with a large mare that had already been saddled. She was rubbing noses with it as she brushed it's chest. Elsa stopped dead in her tracks to admire the Princess. Anna had dressed as requested and was wearing forest green tunic that was cinched at the waist by a thick leather belt. The tunic was knee length and underneath that Anna wore cream coloured pants, which went mostly covered by tall riding boots. Her hair was loose except for a thin braid that went around her head to keep the hair out of her face.

Elsa could watch her sister endlessly and never get bored. The Queen felt like she could take Anna in forever and find herself falling deeper in love. Yet, Elsa hadn't budgeted any time for that. Anna was so entranced with the large animal that she didn't even feel Elsa's cold as the blonde approached. Elsa reached out for her sister's wrist and the redhead jumped in surprise.

"Elsa!" She called out as the Queen pulled her further into a stable stall. Once deep enough in, Elsa found her sister's lips. She pressed on Anna firmly and opened her mouth, calling for Anna to enter. Anne knew exactly what the blonde wanted and kissed her just as fiercely.

"You're feeling better," Anna said as Elsa stopped to take a breath.

"Shut up," the Queen said with a kiss just as harsh as her words. Elsa pushed her sister up against the wall, Anna gasped into the aggression.

"Keep quiet," Elsa commanded as she kicked the insides on Anna's boots urging her stance to open. Anna was being particularly obedient and Elsa missed the little sounds the Princess made when Elsa's mouth would find her neck. The blonde wasted no time snaking her arm under Anna's tunic and pulling at her linen pants to make an access for her hand. Her fingers found Anna's sweet spot easily.

"Gods you're making this really hard," Anna said with a faded whisper. Her voice was as shaky as her knees.

"This is just a taste," Elsa said into her sister's ear. The redhead didn't feel wet enough under her touch, so she rimmed the edge of Anna's ear with her tongue. "We have a whole day of this ahead of us."

Anna buckled, she was struggling to keep herself upright. It excited Elsa that Anna struggled against her pleasure more when Elsa said things to her. She could feel the effect it had on her with the pads of her fingers alone. The Queen hadn't learned what drove Anna to the edge yet. This little tidbit was fascinating, Elsa decided to try it out.

"Would you let me spend the day putting my mouth on you?'' She rasped.

"Uhhm," Anna said through pressed lips. She was fighting back as Elsa laced her fingers across her. Elsa was reading what spot would make Anna fully collapse. The Princess had put her arms around Elsa's shoulders and was barring her weight there. A strangled moan escaped her sister, and Elsa was satisfied with her current tactic, she repeated the light motion once and a second time. Anna let out the same repressed cry.

"Shhh," Elsa whispered even though she pushed at her sister harder, and circled faster.

"I can't." Anna said with her teeth barred. Elsa wrapped her lips around Anna's mouth as she let out a muffled scream. The Princess crumbled into her sister as she came.

"Gods," Anna said as she dropped herself against her big sister. She was smiling, her eyes were closed.

"All day you say?" She asked.

"Yeah, but you have to saddle up and get us somewhere no one can hear you scream first," Elsa offered. Anna's eyes snapped open and put her weight back on her feet.

"I think I had a whole chapter about horseback in my journal." She said in all seriousness.

"That you did. And it's a good thing you're an expert. I haven't ridden in, well, years." Elsa pointed out.

"You're riding on my mare with me? Arms around my waist?" Anna buzzed. Whatever energy Elsa had just drained out of her was back full force. "Yeah, that was in my journal for sure."

Elsa leaned back into her sister and gave her a small kiss as a token of appreciation for how jovial she could be. It lightened Elsa. She felt completely different next to her sister than she did near anyone else.

"I told Ioas we'd be five minutes." Elsa said and she motioned towards the horse.

"Don't want to make him wait," Anna said.

"I think it's only been like thirty seconds," Elsa chimed as she neared the mound. She was a little uneasy about this part. Even as a child many animals didn't react well to her cold.

"I lasted longer than that," Anna was saying as she strode past Elsa and effortlessly bounced onto the mare. She reached her hand out for her sister and looked at her expectantly.

"You'll be fine," Anna cooed. "Our girl here climbs the mountains every weekend with some of the patrol. I picked her cause she loves a good chill. Just like me." Anna was leaning forward rubbing down the horse's snout. When she was done she gave the animal a pat and then offered her hand again. Elsa took it, knowing she could trust Anna to understand her hesitation more than anyone else. She felt special that Anna had even anticipated it.

"Please tell me the Captain isn't joining us," Anna said as she started the horse forward.

"No one can protect you better than me," Elsa answered and she found herself comfortably seated with her cheek resting on Anna's back and her arms around her waist. They rode off in silence for a while, which Elsa knew meant Anna was working up the nerve to ask a question. The Princess had cooed at the idea of spending the day creekside. They reminisced about the fierce debate they had had as children, where Anna advocated for the creek as the most romantic place in all of Arendelle. Elsa had countered with facts about tourism at the waterfall.

"Glad to see I'm still right," Anna had said triumphantly as she steered them towards their destination. Their conversation had stopped there and Elsa focused on the beating of Anna's heart. When it started to beat faster Elsa knew it was coming.

"How'd things go with Kristoff?" There it was.

"I'm sure he told you," Elsa said, passing the conversation to Anna gave her some time to consider what she was willing to share.

"I barely saw him. He brought you in, and I thought you were dead." Elsa hadn't made it two steps towards the wagon, the night prior, before her body shut down. When she had come to, in her bed, next to a snoring little sister, she'd felt so ashamed that Kristoff had had to bring her down the mountain. She had pushed herself to the brink, but in the end, she had accomplished the most vital part of the plan. It would go a long way to convincing Anna that Arendelle would still stand without them. In the end it was worth the embarrassment.

"I thought he might have hung around after getting me to bed," Elsa said. She wasn't sure this was the moment to start talking about their future.

"Ugh, no, that was Tarik, trying to get some of the spotlight," Anna whined. Elsa was still listening to her heart beat. The Princess wasn't pleased. It was not Elsa's intention to get her blood pumping in this manner.

"How about we just forget boyfriends and fiances, and weddings, and Arendelle, and maybe even the future for the next few hours. This is the first time we are getting a chance to spend real time together. I have nowhere to be but with you right now. I don't want all the complicated stuff being a third wheel." Elsa reasoned. It wasn't her original intention, not when she had such a drastic ultimatum to offer, but at least she could buy herself some time to work up the courage.

"I have something important to say," Anna answered. She looked over her shoulder at Elsa.

"Can it wait until we're in bed with sun stoke?" Elsa had a feeling she knew what her sister wanted. Gerda had alluded to it earlier. She had said Anna wanted to go to war for their relationship. If that meant Anna wanted to claim Elsa publicly, it was the Queen's worst nightmare. If they had to go to battle over their love it was Elsa that would have to do the fighting. That wouldn't even be the hard part. Elsa knew herself enough; she was formidable, she was a savage. Her power would even encourage her to not take any foe lightly. If together, they were protecting Anna, Elsa would likely even enjoy the bond it would create with her power.

The hard part would be that Anna would have to see her like that. She would see the face of their father in Elsa. Elsa knew that was the fastest way to quell admiration. Anna would never be able to love her again. Hadn't that been what happened to Elsa? She took her first real breath when she learned her father had died. She didn't mourn him for a minute. The Queen often asked herself if she had even lost love for her own mother as time passed and she missed her less and less.

It was not an option Elsa was willing to pursue. A lifetime next to Tarik was more favourable than watching Anna's love turn into loathing. Elsa was willing to be just a sister. Elsa would take any piece of Anna she could get. She vowed to herself that wouldn't hold it against Anna, if leaving Arendelle was something she couldn't do. They were both allowed to have limits.

"Okay," Anna said with a sigh. One of her hands let go of the reins and cupped Elsa's. She gave the Queen a squeeze. Elsa felt her sister's heart start to settle.

When they arrived at the creek, Anna lit up. She stressed she was taking them to the absolute best spot. Elsa recognized where they were going. The Princess retreated here many times over as a young teenager, Elsa followed along on occasion, during the small window of time between her sexual awakening and her father discovering her perversions.

Elsa wanted to tell her sister about the way she used to look at her. That looking at her had opened up a world where pain could feel good. She had brought herself to that point many times to ward off wounds and to take some control back from the burn their father inflicted. But Elsa couldn't tell Anna the good context of that story without diving into bad. Maybe one day when they were alone in their cabin, they would have enough time to open up to one another, to heal, and Elsa could ask Anna for the type of pain she craved. Maybe.

The Princess had jumped off the mare, and was ripping off her boots while still in motion, before Elsa had even recognized that they arrived. The blonde awkwardly dismounted and tied the horse up nearby. She could hear the water be distrubed by Anna's splashing.

"It's so cold," Anna sang out as if it was her anthem. She'd removed her boots, pants and belt and was knee deep in the water with her tunic bunched up in her hands. Elsa unloaded the saddle bags, wondering if Gerda had taken less care packing them, knowing that Elsa was taking her sister on an actual real date.

"Hurry up," Anna was calling, as Elsa laid out a blanket and put out the spread. It was all Anna's favourites, lovingly and carefully packed. Elsa felt sorry that she had reacted to Gerda so coldly. The woman was looking after her child after all. Addressing a Queen the way she had could have easily gotten her thrown in jail. It had been very brave, Elsa had to give the head maid that. She obviously loved Anna, the care she had taken to put this basket together made it obvious. They both wanted what was best for Anna.

It bothered Elsa to realize that she was only that under limited circumstances. They couldn't continue to sneak around and they couldn't come out in the open. If she wanted to give Anna a vaguely normal life she was going to have to sell it hard.

"Do I need to get naked to get you to come here?" Anna called out. Elsa took a deep breath.

"It wouldn't hurt," she said as she let her boots fade away and made it to the edge of the water. The stream was cold, and it felt like a feeding to let it touch her skin. The water was moving slowly, Anna had crossed the current, and was on the other side of the creek, bent over, looking at the rocks. The water went up to Elsa's waist as she waded towards Anna.

"This place used to be covered with good skipping rocks." Anna complained as she picked up a stone only to toss it back down. "Like unlimited."

Another rock got cast aside, as Elsa found her place next to Anna. The Princess snapped back up to standing. Her eyes wide. She turned to her sister and held out her empty hand. Elsa hovered her hand above it and when she pulled back a perfectly weighted thin oval ice stone lay in Anna's palm. Anna's jaw dropped into an enormous smile.

"I think I just remembered that," she said excitedly as she focused on the peddle. She tossed it up and caught it again before turning her attention to the creek. She whipped it towards the stream and managed one singular skip.

"Or maybe not. I thought I remembered being better than that." Anna said deflatedly.

"Anna, I control ice and you just threw a stone I made," Elsa couldn't help but laugh. It took her sister a moment to put it together.

"Then I did remember," she said with a little dance and then put her hand out for another.

"Kiss first," Elsa requested payment and received a quick one before she was tasked with making stone after stone. Elsa let Anna test her own skill, seeing her beam triumphantly filled her heart.

"Okay," Anna said as she tossed her latest stone between her fingers. "If this skips more than three times I get to do whatever the hell I want to you. If I fail miserably, then I'm all yours."

The comment made Elsa's stomach flip. Was there really a way to lose out here. Anna was smiling devilishly. It made Elsa want to forego the wager entirely and just take Anna down to the ground immediately.

"Three isn't a very high bar." Elsa teased, but reached out and shook her sister's hand.

"It would be my personal best," Anna said with a determined nod. She lined herself up for the shot and took a few practice swings. Elsa had to give the Princess some credit, her stance looked much improved.

"Jynx," Elsa called out as the stone left Anna's fingers.

"One, two, three, four and- Five!" Anna chanted and immediately fell into a victory dance. "I swear to Gods that was all me. I felt it in my bones it was going to be a good one."

Elsa felt her magic stir in excitement. It had been pretty docile since it's exertion at the Ice Reserve and had only swirled inside of Elsa when she had been confronted by Gerda. Elsa had been pushing through her weakness all day, not letting it slow her down. She had struggled to even open her eyes in the morning and had laid in bed feeling too light headed to move. Elsa was used to her power pushing down on her hard. It was very alive and liked to wander through her systems, ride her veins, poke at all her tendons, and fire at her synapses. Her body was her magic's playground and it rarely ever stood still.

When she was at her worst, her power weighed on her. This morning she felt so light, it was like she couldn't get her feet on the ground. She was only just coming down now. Like if the thought of Anna touching her was bringing her power back to life. It started to snow lightly above them and Anna's genial folick halted. It was replaced by a hungry crawl.

"You wanted me to win," she said as she padded over to Elsa and pulled the Queen into herself by the hips. The snow was light but the flakes were big fluffy ones, that looked a lot like the fuzzy feeling Elsa had inside of her. Anna pulled her sister along with her, walking backwards and never once breaking eye contact.

"This is why the creek is the most romantic," Anna said as she wrapped her arms around Elsa's shoulders. They were half way in, the water flowing between their stomachs. Anna leaned in and gave the Queen a kiss. It was just as Anna said, romantic. Elsa's heart was pounding, her hunger was more urgent than the soft kiss. She told herself to calm down, to savour Anna, to not only take in the Princess but let Anna taste her too.

Elsa brought her hands to the redhead's neck, her thumbs could feel Anna's pulse, and her fingers entangled with her flowing hair. Elsa pulled Anna even closer, making the water rushing between them jump to get through the two bodies. Anna was humming into Elsa's mouth, and the blonde was starting to like the idea of slowing down.

"I love you, Elsa," Anna pulled away to say. Elsa pushed her thumbs down Anna's neck as she pulled her hands back. The Queen was about to say she wanted to do this forever when she caught a glimpse of white in Anna's hair still wrapped up in her fingers. All the good feelings vanished as she dug through and pulled out a clump of blanched hair.

The stripe was thin, but it was on Anna's right side, seemingly where the childhood steak that had once taunted Elsa was placed. The look on Anna's face was not of surprise. Her teeth were pressed together and her lips were open in a wince. She'd worn her hair down to cover it up and was now caught. Elsa pushed herself away from her little sister, what sort of warning was this?

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Thanks to everyone who has been following along for 100k words. Hope you are having fun!

Mortisvenom: oh god no. No. I won't do that to any of you. x