Author's comments: It's been a long time coming, but I'm sad all the same that this story has to end. I hope I didn't leave out any loose ends…I don't have time to go back and read the entire story right now, lol. But let me know, I can still fix it.

All In

Chapter Twenty-One

Part 1.

"Wake up, sleepyhead," said Olivia's too-cheerful voice. "We're going to be late if you don't get up now."

"For what?" Amanda pulled the sheets over her head.

"We're meeting up with everyone, remember?"

"Oh God, do we have to?" She closed her eyes and wished hard that she could stay in bed, knowing her wish couldn't come true. Sighing, she sat up and prepared herself for what felt like a perp walk.

It had been two months since her trial, two months in which she had managed to avoid crash-landing. There had been flashbacks and a few full-on panic attacks, but she'd managed to pull through them, and the cravings to numb out had dissolved every time, with the help of Olivia's patience.

She knew she'd come away lucky when it came to prison time, but she'd been devastated when Olivia had come home and told her news of the job front. "Maybe you should sit down," she'd said.

Amanda had waited a beat, and then reluctantly taken a seat on the couch next to her. "You're getting a year's suspension," Liv had said. Amanda had buried her face in her hands, feeling Olivia's hand as it rested on her back. "And then they'll revisit your job to see if you still have one. But you won't be able to come back to SVU, because of the nature of your offense, and because of our relationship. I'm sorry, Amanda."

It had taken some time, a few hard cries, and some hugs for her to recover from the news, but what had she expected? She knew she should feel lucky to even have the possibility of keeping her job. But to not be able to work in Special Victims, and then to lose the opportunity to work with Olivia and the people she loved the most…it had taken all her willpower to avoid spiraling down.

Olivia had arranged this last visit with her co-workers, and they planned to get together one last time at the workplace, so she could gather her stuff and say goodbye to a place that felt like home. Amanda wiped her eyes now and snapped herself out of her trance so she could get ready.

They walked silently, hand in hand, to the subway and then to precinct. Walking off the elevator was the hardest part, and Amanda was glad she'd put on make-up to hide her crimson cheeks. Forcing herself to keep her head held up, she noticed Kat first, and then Fin grinning at her, and Carisi watching her with a reserved smile. Murphy stepped into view, and Barba, and they all applauded, sending her hands to her mouth reflexively. Their faces were cautiously welcoming, and she worried they were thinking about what a fuck-up she was, although she knew that mostly they were just sad that she was leaving. She gave Carisi a hug, and then Fin, who grasped her hard and said, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do. I'll miss you, girl."

"Well, you don't have to," she said, smiling. "If you just visit."

When she got to Murphy, he bent down to hold her momentarily, and said, "I wish you all the best, Amanda. Take care of yourself."

She looked him in the face, trying to drill a guilt trip straight into his mind. "Don't be a stranger," she said, hoping that would portray the message that he should stop by and see his own child. But she knew he was unlikely to ever spend substantial time with Jesse, and she was going to grow up viewing Olivia as her other parent.

There was a cake and punch, although she didn't feel like eating. But everyone else indulged and mingled with her and Olivia, and soon she felt like she already wanted to leave. Just then, Olivia held up a red cup and tried unsuccessfully to make a clinking noise by hitting it with a plastic knife. "I need everyone's attention," she said, and Amanda's hand flew to her own face, knowing this would be some sort of embarrassing toast.

"It's a sad day," Olivia said, "Because our beloved Amanda is leaving us. But, don't cry yet, because it's also possibly a very happy day."

Amanda tilted her head and tried to figure out why the amused look on Olivia's face as she dug into her pocket and pulled out a small box. "Amanda doesn't know about this yet, but I wanted to ask her…"

She went to Amanda, who was leaning against her old desk, still digesting what was happening. As she began to tremble, every hair standing at attention, Olivia opened the box and looked her straight in the eyes. "I wanted to ask her…if she would stick with me a little longer?" Amanda's mouth fell open and her whole head tingled as she looked down at the golden ring with the round diamond that glimmered, sending light scattering in all directions. "Amanda, will you marry me?"

Amanda covered her mouth, and her heart raced faster than the thoughts could come into her mind. The fact that Olivia would even want to make that commitment floored her—could she not tell that she was hitching her ride to a broken horse? She looked back up at Olivia, whose face contorted with worry over her hesitation. Little did she know that the pause was not because Amanda didn't want to commit, but because she didn't think Olivia knew what she was really getting herself into.

"Yes," she said, tears rimming her eyes. "Yes, of course."

All the anxiety on Olivia's face transformed to joy, and she slipped the ring on Amanda's finger and threw her arms around her. "Thank you," Amanda whispered into her ear, and Olivia pulled back just far enough to kiss her on the lips.

Their lips locked for the entire time the squad applauded them, until after a few seconds Fin said, "Okay, that's enough, you two."

Part 2.

After Amanda accepted Olivia's proposal and she could breathe once more, Carisi approached her and held out a hand. "Congratulations, Captain, you two both deserve to be happy." His smile stopped halfway from full, and Olivia sensed a sadness behind his eyes. But he hid his disappointment well, as a gleam bled into his eyes. "You know, I don't think I've ever seen you glow before. You're not—"

She laughed heartily, thinking he was kidding, until she realized he wasn't, and her chuckle faded easily into a bemused smile. "No, Sonny. There's no way. I can't…anymore, you know. I guess it's just because I'm just happy."

He looked down, blushing. "Well, I just didn't know. You know, nowadays…things are possible that didn't used to be." He held out his cup of punch in a faux cheer. "Anyway, I'm thrilled for you both."

She sipped from her cup and found Amanda, who cast her a look saying she needed to get away from Barba, who was asking her a million questions about living arrangements and wedding plans. "I don't know, Rafael," Amanda said. "I just found out myself, remember?"

Olivia took the cue and made her plan to rescue Amanda from the center of attention by tugging on her by the crook of her elbow. "Well, we…need to go," she said, and she could practically feel the air emptying from Amanda's relieved lungs.

They said their goodbyes, and once they stepped on the elevator, Amanda said, "A little warning would be nice. I could have used some time to prepare." But when Olivia glanced at her in a bewildered way, she smiled warmly. "I'm kidding Liv." Clutching at Liv's hand, she said, "I just can't believe—I'm so ecstatic right now, you have no idea."

Olivia turned to face her, cocking her head to the side with while she threw an arm around Amanda's neck. "I'm so glad," Liv said. "I was a little worried you'd say no."

Amanda's eyebrows shot up. "You were afraid I—you're kidding, right?"

Olivia laughed, but she stared at her in bemusement. "What do you mean?"

Amanda played with Olivia's hair, tracing lazy circles in her scalp. "I would never have thought you'd want me around permanently. Are you absolutely sure?"

"Of course." She tilted her head back, enjoying the feel of Amanda's fingers. But this line of questioning had her concerned. Maybe Amanda wasn't as certain about this whole marriage thing, and although she would be devastated if Amanda backed out, Olivia didn't want to push her into anything she wasn't ready for. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh, I don't know. Am I really not as big a pain in the ass as I thought I was?"

Before Olivia could answer, the ding from the elevator echoed, and they both pulled away from one another quickly and stood facing forward with their hands at their sides. Amanda rocked from heel to toe and back when the elevator door opened, revealing Deputy Chief Garland. He held the door open, allowing them to exit while he said, "I heard Congratulations are in order."

Olivia shot him a stunned glance. "Wow. News travels fast."

"It sure does," he said, letting the elevator door close between them.

Part 3.

Amanda walked in stunned silence the rest of the way home, running her fingers over the knobby diamond on her finger, twisting it around to make sure it was still there. It represented a promise—but was it one she could keep? Could she be her best when her life had been turned so much on its head as to be unrecognizable?

As soon as she set foot in the door of the apartment, Olivia said, "Penny for your thoughts?"

Amanda spun to face her and looked down at Olivia's hands as she grasped them in her own. "You made me so happy today." Now she dared to look up into those beautiful chocolate eyes. "I just…don't know if I can make you happy."

Wrinkles formed in Olivia's forehead. "But you already do," she said, bringing one of Amanda's hands to her mouth to kiss.

Liv's lips on her skin brought shivers. "But I'm still recovering from…everything. What if I slip up again?"

"Then we'll deal with it…together. I have faith in you Amanda." Olivia's eyes never glanced away from Amanda's face, not even for a second. "And to be honest, I love you so much that it would tear me up if you ever walked away."

Amanda looked down, a half-smile creeping onto her sheepish lips. Olivia buried her hand in Amanda's hair, just touching the side of her face with her palm, and she shuddered. "I mean it, Amanda. I don't think I've ever truly been in love before. But with you, everything is just so easy and natural, and I know in my heart we're meant to be together. You said I made you happy today—you make me feel that way every day. I hope you feel that way too?"

Amanda looked intently into her eyes, trying to beam her desire straight into Olivia's mind. "I do, Liv. All I want to do is be with you, and when you're not around, it's like having the oxygen sucked out of the room." Then she laughed. "Listen to me. I only talk this way with you."

Olivia dug in her fingers and grabbed a large swath of hair on the back of Amanda's head. "And I love when you talk like that. It makes me want to—"

She had a good grasp on Amanda's scalp, and it sent chills through her whole head. Olivia leaned forward and planted her lips on Amanda's, and she savored the moist contact, working her mouth against Liv's until she just had to put her hands on Olivia's bare skin. She found an opening at the front of Liv's blouse and caressed Liv's waist, and Liv responded with a moan.

Moving up, she slid her hand under Olivia's bra and found her nipple, caressing it until it hardened. She didn't want to take her hand away, but she did for a moment to unfasten Olivia's bra and remove her top, and Olivia watched her longingly, sparks lighting her eyes. But she didn't wait idly; instead she unbuttoned Amanda's pants and began to slide them down. Abandoning shoes and pants now, Amanda returned her hands to Olivia's now-bare breasts, and Olivia's eye glimmered as she slid her hand down Amanda's silk blue undies and found her clit, massaging it in slow, easy circles at first.

Amanda sighed heavily at the touch, closing her eyes to absorb the touch of Liv's fingers. But before she could get any more worked up, Olivia grabbed her around the waist and swept her away to the couch, pushing her down before pulling off her own pants. As if they had an eternity to enjoy one another's presence, Olivia touched every inch of Amanda's skin, stopping at her neck to nibble. Working her way down to Amanda's breasts, she fondled them delicately, fingering them as if they were precious gems before putting her mouth on one of them while kneading the other. Amanda gasped, and then leaned over to kiss Olivia's waist before working her way down her thighs.

Grabbing Amanda's crotch, Olivia let go of her breast so she could kiss her way down her stomach. She elicited a wistful groan out of Amanda by mouthing the skin on her upper thighs, and then planting her lips softly on Amanda's slit. In response, Amanda dug her palm into Olivia's crotch, throwing her head back at the feel of Liv's mouth against her clit.

When Olivia slid one finger inside her, she nearly came right then and there, but she pulled away to let the tension build more, and put her mouth against Olivia's wet folds. Now they both worked their mouths against one another, Olivia with her finger sliding in and out of Amanda, who swore she could feel the love and tenderness from Liv in every touch. It was this, not just the base sensuality of it all, but the pureness of Olivia's obvious devotion to Amanda, that started to send her over the edge, and she felt herself rising to a peak.

Moaning into Olivia's swelling muff, she worked her hips against Olivia's mouth until she reached her climax, and then she shuddered and writhed against Liv, releasing the full extent of her bliss. It was only a short moment after that Olivia's body began to spasm as well, and she pressed hard against Amanda's lips, and then collapsed next to her.

Olivia ran her fingers through Amanda's hair, sending warm tingles all the way down to her legs. Amanda stared into her eyes, and saw nothing but admiration in them. She smiled. "That was so beautiful, Liv."

Olivia's eyes gleamed. "And so are you."

The warmth in Olivia's smile, combined with the tenderness of her touch, made Amanda finally realize something—Liv was telling the truth when she said she was there to stay. Her whole life, Amanda had feared one thing—the person she loved the most walking away when she needed them. When she was a child, her father had been that person, the one who had hurt her mother and then left her to pick up the pieces of her shattered soul. But here was Olivia now, someone who had seen Amanda at her most vulnerable, and then on her worst behavior, and had not only stuck around, but had asked her for her hand in marriage.

"Liv," she said, stroking Olivia's cheek, "I just want you to know, these last few months—you have been the reason I've gotten up in the morning. I've kept going because of you. I love you, so thank you for loving me."

"How could I not?" Liv said. "You are the love of my life." And then she bound her words with a kiss, and Amanda could feel the honesty of the moment, and an unexpected peace consumed her. She laid her head against Olivia's chest, feeling the pressure of the fortress that was Olivia's body against her, and she knew nothing could tear her apart again.