CHAPTER 15 - I Am Diamond, Part 3

Diamond woke up on the ground. His face fully planted on sand, and his limbs heavy and feeling far too sore. It took him several seconds to realize what had happened.

The new memories put themselves in place, like pieces of a puzzle he didn't know he was missing. All the experiences his light clone had been through applied to him. It wasn't supposed to be this traumatic to receive it all, but he'd been gone for so long…

Light-Diamond's memories made no sense. They couldn't be real.

"Homeworld." He whimpered, standing up. "Homeworld!"

It had to be a nightmare. He looked around, and it was nighttime. His clothes were damp and covered in sand. How long had he been lying there for…?

He had no time to deal with Steven, even though he felt drained in many ways that he associated with the boy. He ran to his house, planning on using the Warp to transfer to the hub, and then to Homeworld.

Diamond didn't expect to barge into the house and see Amethyst and Spinel, sitting at the table, eating sandwiches. Or, in Amethyst's case, a cart of eggs and a whole ham between two slices of bread.

"Amethyst, what did you do?" He asked, incredulous. Spinel's intense stare almost didn't register. "Wait, Spinel…? What are you two doing?"

"Oh, you know." Spinel answered, pointing out her hamburger. "Taking a break. Takes a looot of energy planning, executing and successfully pulling off a rebellion."

She took a huge bite out of her lunch, and, while she tried sounding threatening before, she just melted away at how good it was.

"Oh my stars this is amazing, I wish we had meat in Homeworld."

"Rebellion…?" He repeated, looking back at Amethyst. "My clone, he's…?"

"Dead." Amethyst said, monotone. She then chomped half the cart of eggs, plastic and all. "Throne room's busted, too, but it was ugly anyway. Famethyst is helping whoever got hurt. Pretty big fight, lotsa damage everywhere."

"Why?!" He shouted, still trying to scan his new memories for context. "I left him there to help!"

Spinel got off her chair, outraged, but Amethyst touched her arm. She spun to look at him, still sitting, and lazily crossed her legs.

"Did you kill Jasper?" She asked bluntly.

"No." Diamond replied, not a second wasted. "Lapis killed Jasper."

Amethyst blinked, in shock at the nonchalant reply. "And ya just… you weren't gonna tell us?"

"Why would I tell you? It doesn't concern you at all."

Spinel grinded her teeth like he was scratching his nails on a whiteboard.

"Amethyst, he's lying. I saw the whole thing. Lapis struck her, but he was… i-i-it's like he was making the whole thing happen just the way he wanted it to! He gave her the weapon!"

"What is this even about?" Diamond approached, trying to see if he could clear a path to the Warp. "Jasper was a war criminal, and she tried to shatter you multiple times. I may have expedited her fate, but why do you care if she's dead?"

Amethyst stared at Diamond like she was looking at a stranger, who had just said some horrible thing in public.

"Did you know your clone pal kept Gem Editing going?"

Diamond stopped moving, letting his discomfort show on his face.

"I do now. I didn't tell him to. We lost contact a while ago. He was supposed to act autonomously, some of my clones can-"

"Do you know what they did with it?" Amethyst cared very little about the intricacies of his powers.

"Something… strange. I'm still trying to make sense of his memories."

Amethyst got out of her chair, opening the bathroom door. There were two Gems inside. Eyeball and Corundite came out, holding hands, with Eyeball helping the other calm down and walk on a straight line.

"Please, please say the right thing." Amethyst begged, her visible eye darting around the room from nervousness. "Please."

Diamond stared at the small, dark Gem, who seemed completely unable to function without her equally small caretaker. From his perspective, he only stared at her for a couple seconds. For Amethyst, time appeared to stand still.

When he opened his mouth, she even had hope.

"Why would they do this to her?" He started, sounding more genuinely curious than horrified. "What can she do now?"

Amethyst's heart sunk. Spinel covered her mouth, tears flowing from her eyes.

"Oh my stars." The pink Gem said, almost falling from her chair. "Steven's dead. He's really… h-he's gone."

"What now?" Diamond shot, incredulous.

"Is that really what goes through your head?" Amethyst said, slowly, carefully. "How useful she is? How you can use her?"

"I didn't mean…" He started, entirely not sure how to proceed. Pink? Blue? Both…? "I mean, it's… very sad."

"Sad." She repeated, a numb look on her face. "It's… sad."

The room fell into a heavy silence. The only noise seemed to come from Corundite, who shivered and audibly whimpered. Eyeball hugged her like nothing else in the room mattered. The red Gem eventually got uncomfortable enough to ask.

"Hey, General, I…"

"Go." Amethyst said, not looking at her. "We got this."

"Aye; thank you." Eyeball made a heart salute and took Corundite along to the Warp. They left the house.

"Look, Amethyst, if my clone's memories are accurate, your friend in Homeworld said you destroyed all the laboratories anyway. We can talk about this after I check on—" Diamond started, but not fast enough. Amethyst took her whips out. "What do you think you're doing?"

She didn't answer. The Gem cracked her whip and attacked the Warp as soon as the two were gone.

"No!" He yelled, as she destroyed the teleportation device. "Are you out of your mind?!"

Spinel grunted like a hurt animal. "I'm so sick of this! Stop wearing his face! Stop talking!" She kicked her chair away, making her fists grow.

"Both of you have gone insane." He decreed, wondering if he should summon his shield.

"Diamond." Amethyst said, looking him dead in the eye. "You're not welcome here. You're not welcome in Homeworld either. We want you to leave. Go anywhere else but near us."

He stared back at her, stunned. Of all the things he expected to face, someone asking him to leave was far from the first ones that went through his head.

"Do you really think you can tell me what to do?" He asked, calmly. There was no malice in his voice. He was stating his power as a fact.

"No, I don't." She replied, not breaking eye contact. "But if you want to stay here, you're going to have to crack me. And when Garnet and Pearl get here, you're probably gonna have to do the same to them."

She approached him, whip in hand.

"If this is how you're going to be… if this is what your Era 3 looks like… then we are never going to stop fighting you, no matter how strong you are. This is my best friend's house you're standing in right now man; I watched him grow up in here! I'll go down swinging protecting this place before I let you do whatever you want."

Spinel didn't say anything, but she didn't seem very intimidated by the prospect of certain death.

Diamond stared at both Gems. Everyone in the room agreed there would only be one result if this turned into a brawl. It would probably be painless for them, even. If this had happened in the first week of his life, he wouldn't have hesitated.

Diamond turned around and left through the front door.

Spinel's fists went back to normal. She took a big breath to cool off.

"Oof, that was intense." She noticed Amethyst hadn't moved. "Hey, are you alright…?"

And then Amethyst collapsed to the floor, dry heaving and trembling like she was going to be sick.

"Ohmygodohmy—" The cart of eggs came out almost undigested from her mouth. "I… I can't believe… he looked at me like he was gonna… oh god no not again, come on!" And then the rest of any food she'd had before came right along.

Neither of them could have possibly noticed Pink Pearl, watching from the beach, following Diamond with her gaze. It was clear what her next mission was.

Lapis didn't have a habit of sleeping, but her days at Little Homeworld had made consciousness a chore. She has come to enjoy drift away for a few hours every day. Sometimes during the day, sometimes during the night. Never more than ten hours. Just enough to process some things in her mind, and maybe even come up with a good idea or two for an art project. Not that she actually ended up making anything. Rarely felt like it nowadays.

Either way, she realized she never missed much when she was asleep. She might have missed a customer that Peridot picked up, or an update on a job that Bismuth had to relay to her, but never anything that couldn't wait. So, she was comfortable just walking into the front desk, yawing and somewhat unkept, asking if she'd missed anything.

This time, she arrived right on time. Pearl was on the speaker phone with Peridot and Bismuth.

"—don't know what's happening, but you mustn't let Diamond get near you."

Her heart spun in her chest as if it hadn't woken up yet. She felt a knot forming in her throat. The others hadn't realized she was there.

"But this makes no sense. Why would he come here, if what you say is true?" Bismuth asked, with a lower, darker tone of voice than usual."

"Spinel told us, it's not clear why, but apparently he and Lapis… oh, stars."

"Pearl?" Peridot jumped up, almost grabbing the phone from Bismuth's hand. "He and Lapis what?"

"It seems Lapis shatter—"

A current of water took the phone away from Bismuth's hand, breaking it against the wall. The Gems looked behind them. Lapis' hand left no question as to what had happened. She had no plan. This was a disaster.

"Lapis, what's happening?" Bismuth asked, fists clenched, as if she seriously expected to get into a fight with her. "I heard what Pearl said. Who did you shatter?"

"Wait, wait. This is clearly a misunderstanding." Peridot raised her hands in peace, moving between them. Neither Gem moved from her poses. "Lapis wouldn't do that to anyone. Right?"

The blue Gem didn't answer. Her wings were itching to get out of her Gemstone. Her left hand was still extended, and clearly shaking.

"What happened to Steven?" Lapis asked, ignoring her friend. Peridot's expression turned from an optimistic half-smile to a worried frown.

"Don't you do this right now." Bismuth's hands turned into a hammer and a scythe. "You know he's not Steven, right? He's Diamond. He's always been Diamond. He's been lying to us this whole time, but you spent a week with him in Homeworld. There's no way you didn't know."

"I… you don't know what you're talking about." Her wings came out, and she felt the moisture building up on her right hand. This was escalating too fast. "Ste—Diamond isn't a bad person. And you know what, you don't know how Homeworld was when we got there!"

"Then tell us!" Peridot shrieked, clutching her hair. "You haven't told us anything, and now we hear that there's been a rebellion in Homeworld, and that a bunch of Jaspers and Amethysts took over the place, under our Amethyst's orders! What went down there?!"

"Jaspers?" Lapis' expression turned sour, a scowl growing across her face. "I knew we shouldn't have trusted that bunch—"

"You're gonna tell us everything, right now." Bismuth was the first to break formation. She tried to approach Lapis, but Peridot stayed in front of her. "Peridot, I'm not gonna hurt Lapis! I just want to talk!"

"Then what's the hammer for?!" The shortest one yelled, turning around. "Lapis, for the love of— just talk to us, please. We're not gonna do anything to you, we're friends!"

Lapis' pose faltered hearing Peridot's pleas. They hadn't done anything to her yet, and these were her best friends… maybe?

"I… we…" She stuttered, her eyes darting around the room for something to ground her. Something to keep the memories away. Jasper's body so close to hers, the way that monster held her face, the way the sword felt so heavy but so easy to hurt her with— "It's, I… s-she tried to…"

"She? We're all shes!" Bismuth yelled, frustrated. "Who are you talking about? Who are you so afraid of?!"

And with that connection, Peridot's eyes widened in shock. She straightened her posture, and Lapis realized that she knew.

"Oh my stars," Peridot said, unblinking. "You shattered Jasper."

"Jasper…?" Bismuth repeated, connecting the dots. "That Jasper…? What was she doing in…?"

"I… I…" Lapis felt her entire body rejecting every minute of this conversation. She didn't need air, but it was getting hard to breathe. She thought she was going to pass out. "I-I… can't stay here!"

And then Lapis did what she always does. She tore a hole on the ceiling and flew away.

Diamond didn't know how to feel when he saw Lapis soaring through the air, going towards the ocean. Betrayed? Sad? Simply late?

Of course, they'd let the other Crystal Gems know. And of course, she would have had to come clean. Everything made perfect sense.

It didn't make the despair in his chest any less real. He realized that was the only person he really took for granted flying away, not looking back.

I can catch up to her. He thought. But what good would that do?

What was he even supposed to say to her? What was the end goal? Variations of those questions had been going through his mind ever since he left the Temple. At least, those were some of the questions, most of which he had no answer for. There was one other that was far more practical.

"Why are you following me?" He turned around. Pink Pearl wasn't even trying to hide.

"Well, My Diamond, I thought you might need my services." Hands behind her back, captivating smile, one eye half open. The spitting image of a confidant. "I take it your latest projects haven't turned out the way you wanted them to."

He squinted, unsure of what to make of her. She wasn't the strongest, the fastest, nor the oldest Pearl around. She had spent the last eight thousand years as a mindless puppet, unable to even think for herself. And once that spell was undone, she barely did anything with her life.

Yet here she was, almost demanding his attention. And something about her made him want to comply.

"You're a Gem of many mysteries, Pearl." He said, guarded. "One might even think you're hiding something from me."

He approached, which did nothing to defer her forwardness.

"Oh, stars forbid, My Diamond." She definitely wasn't mocking him, but the politeness… it wasn't how people usually talked. There was a hint of playfulness to her voice that he couldn't quite understand. "You know me, of course. I am nothing if not transparent."

Diamond raised his chin, looking at Pink Pearl from above. She simply looked at him from below. Prolonged eye contact wasn't that uncomfortable for either of them, as it turns out.

"State your business, then." He said, waiting.

"Well…" She ran up his arm with her pointer finger, almost flirty. He wasn't ready for that, and it disarmed him. "It seems to me that you're dealing with some feelings that you don't quite understand. Your relationship to the Crystal Gems, Homeworld, and even your human side seem to be simply falling apart."

His jaw hung a bit, for a moment. This was new.

"Really." Diamond replied, recomposing himself. "That's an interesting theory."

"Oh, My Diamond— it is no theory. I know what it feels like."

His eyebrows twitched. "Do you, now."

"Yes, indeed. When I was—"

He interrupted her by grabbing her finger, which was still touching his arm. Pink Pearl winced a bit but tried maintaining her serenity.

"M-My Diamond, I'm sorry if—"

"Don't play games with me, Pearl." He said, direct. "You don't happen to be here when I need you most. Don't treat me like a fool. This isn't the first time you've done this, is it…?" He looked at her hand and wondered. "Is this what you were made to do?"

"W-what?"

"Pink Diamond's Pearl; what would she need in order to serve her master properly?" He went on, locked with her eye. Her confident persona was gone. "Yellow is always ready to give out orders and solve problems without consulting anybody, Blue can take her Diamond's sadness like no other Gem can, and you…" And then he let the truth contextualize this moment. "Ah, you're therapy."

She didn't answer. Nor was she smiling, anymore.

"You were given to her as a failsafe." He continued, slowly. "Only you could really understand her, because you could literally feel what she was feeling."

He let go of her hand. She pulled it back, holding her hurt finger with an annoyed expression.

"You've just been following people around trying to solve their problems, haven't you? You must be prolific in this town."

"I have been told I do an excellent job, My Diamond." Her voice had less of that perky, bubbly energy from before. She sounded deeper, reverberated. "But it doesn't mean it is not what I like, and it doesn't mean it is not what I came here to do. It simply means I have an easier time doing it than others."

She side-eyed Diamond, with a certain hurt pride.

"I thought you, of all people, would appreciate my work ethic, oh-my-brilliant Diamond."

"Watch your tone." He said, which made her smile. "You're not as submissive as you seem at first sight."

"Oh, please, My Diamond. You know how Pink Diamond used to be." It was as if a shadow passed by her face. Her eye turned beyond Diamond, maybe even beyond the stars, looking back millennia ago. "I didn't get here by minding being pushed around. What is that appalling saying your family likes? Diamonds are brittle, too?"

She looked back to Diamond, with a far less innocent energy.

"Well, Pearls have no such problems. If anything, we adapt quite well. Pressure would not break us."

"I see." He didn't know if he liked what was behind the veil, but it was impossible to go back to ignorance. "So, what now?"

"There is no reason for dramatics. I never lied to you. And if the mask is gone, may I then just ask…" And suddenly, there she was again. Helpful, approachable, and holding his hand so subtly that he barely realized she moved. "How can I help?"

He stared deep into her working eye, and couldn't decide if this was her influence, or if he just wanted to talk.

"I don't know." Anyone else, it would feel bizarre. But her? "Is touch the way you do things? How much do you see?"

She smiled, and that was a genuine one.

"Enough to know that you need to put it into words." She brought his hand up to chest height. Delicately, she held it with both of hers. "You're so much younger than you appear to be, yet life hasn't been kind to you, has it?"

"I don't need life's kindness." He broke eye contact, mulling over what was on his mind. "But I don't know what else to do. Everyone has decided not to bother with me anymore. All my advances in Homeworld seem to have been for naught. And Lapis… I don't know if she wants to talk. I don't know what to do about her at all, I expected her to stay… I didn't realize it until I saw her leave."

"But Diamond." The pretense of rank was already gone, then. Good. "Those people weren't from your life. They were from Steven's. And you've spent the last few months distancing yourself from him."

"I have." He conceded, heavy. "And now that he won't talk to me, I don't have anyone else."

"He feels alone, as well." She looked beyond him, and he figured this was just part of the process. "He feels like you're the worst thing that has ever happened to him, and at the same time, a strange kinship to you."

"Kinship?" Diamond asked, incredulous.

"You are all the other has, now. He cannot go back to his life, and you have no life here. All you can do is somehow coexist."

He winced, thinking back to the past couple months. Every time he talked to Steven was stressful, always ending in a fight.

"Now, now, that's not true." Pink Pearl startled him. "You never intend to fight, and you always try finishing your talks. The very first one holds a very important key."

"You are reading my mind?"

She clutched his hand slightly as a reply. But he knew she was right. The first time they talked…

"He said I would have to earn him." Diamond reminisced, releasing himself from Captain Pearl's hands. "And he meant it. Everything I've done since that day has convinced Steven I will never do him justice."

Apparently, Pearl's power was strongest through physical contact. When breaking their connection, he felt a slight return to rationality. His feelings became less clear, and his thoughts turned back to problem-solving. She hadn't reached out again yet, but he could tell she wanted to.

"What do you actually want, Diamond?" She asked. "What is your goal?"

"I want to help—"

"No, no. You know that's not it." She interrupted, gently somehow. "You keep saying that you exist to serve, but that's not how you act. You have other reasons, too."

Her hand extended, but he instinctively moved away. A strange kind of panic started to build up in his chest. "I don't want to talk about it."

"But you must." Pink Pearl's tone was as close to dark as she could muster. "You are too powerful, too important to deny yourself the truth."

"All I need to do is put myself into a position to help others." He said, gritting his teeth between his lines. "I don't need this… whatever this is, I don't need others to agree with me, I just need to do my job."

"Diamond, stop." Pink Pearl raised her hands in a sign of peace, while also slowly approaching him. "I am not your enemy, and you're not in danger. I am just asking you to be honest with yourself. It's the only way."

He had never felt so vulnerable before, and he hated it. Every ounce of himself wanted to attack this Pearl and leave. For the first time in who knows how long he felt nothing coming from his mind. This was all him.

"If you want to help me, then do what I tell you." He snarled, losing a bit of control. "Help me get back my connections, starting with Steven."

"I…" She hesitated, her hands lowering slightly. "I don't understand what you want from me."

"You can talk to people. People listen to you; they open up and see their mistakes. They change their minds."

"All except you, apparently." She let herself snap a bit, clearly irritated. "I'm trying to help you, forget other people right now."

"No. I do need you. But not the way you think." Diamond grabbed both her arms, feeling her influence enter his cognition. This might actually work. "I need you to talk to Steven."

"Diamond, you know he can't just come out, it doesn't work like that for you." She winced at how strongly he was holding her. "Unhand me."

"My mind is a physical space, just like anyone's inner Gem, but more powerful. More real. Steven lives inside me, fully aware and cognizant. Fully capable of talking." He could feel himself almost having an epiphany. This could be it. The piece that was missing. "And he hates every second of it. You said it's because he's alone."

"I said unhand me, now."

"And who do I find, following me like a loyal subject, but the person made to deal with his feelings? The one Gem that could ever stay by Pink Diamond's side all these years without breaking anything but herself! You've truly saved me, Pearl!"

"Diamond!" She wore her fear on her face. The way he was talking promised a lot. None of it good.

"You will keep him company. You will help me where I need the most. And if this works… then I will know what to do. I'll know how to fix everything." He smiled, and she knew she had lost him. "Fuse with me, Pearl."

"No. Absolutely not, you can't make me—"

"Oh, Pearl." Diamond said, his eyes turning white, his hands emitting monochrome light. "I can't, but I can do more."

"No!" She screamed, knowing what was about to happen. "No! Don't do that! Don't do that again!"

White's control rays were already spreading to her body. She could feel all that she was being washed away, every thought in her mind being overwritten with someone else's influence. Her feelings and emotions being punched down, made still by artificial means. No, not again, never again, no matter what it takes, adapt, adapt—

"Alright!" She screamed, before the light reached her Gem. "I'll do it! I'll do whatever you want, just… just stop."

He released her, letting her fall to her knees, panicked and broken. Diamond would feel bad about it later. This was much more important.

"Then come in, my Pearl." He asked, extending his hand. "We have work to do."

She stared at him like wounded prey, as if deciding if she would die fighting. But ultimately, she resigned. For Steven, then.

Pink Pearl touched his hand and let herself become lost in his existence. Her Gemstone shined brightly as her light form lost its consistency, being absorbed into his. It was… very different from normal fusion.

She expected to mix and mingle, but instead, it was as if she was just being transported somewhere new. Like taking a lightway to a new planet, only to open her eyes in a fluffy wonderland.

She was face down on the ground, as if she had washed away from the ocean. Pearl thought she was dreaming. This place felt nothing like the real world, yet clearly looked like the beach she had just been on. Only pink.

A silhouette looking away from her was the only thing for miles. She approached, but as soon as she made any noise, Steven turned around.

"… Captain Pearl?" Steven asked, confused.

Pink Pearl ran towards him, hugging him in sobs.

"Oh, Steven, I'm so sorry."

"Wh-what's going on? What are you doing here?"

"I…." She looked around, and the pink beach just kept going. "It really is just us in here…? Nothing else?"

"It's just me. Just us."

"What have you been doing…?"

"Connie… broke up with me, and I didn't want to watch anymore of what was going on. What did Diamond do…? Why are you here?" He looked up at Pearl and couldn't dodge the fear in her eyes. "H-hang on."

Steven pointed his hand at nothing, and a screen appeared. Whatever Diamond was looking at showed up in front of them.

He was looking at Pink Pearl.

"What?" Steven asked, incredulous, releasing from her hug and approaching the screen. "Is that… you?"

Captain Pearl wasn't there anymore. Steven, at this point fully convinced he was going mad, looked back at the screen. Captain was in front of Diamond, only… ethereal, shining slightly in the darkness of the beach she had been in a second ago. And she was talking.

"The Void has been nearly completely taken over by Steven Universe's influence" She said, monotone. "He was found. He hides from your perception."

"Excellent." He heard Diamond's voice reverbing through his own head, making it sound like he was coming from everywhere. "It works. Are you there right now…?"

"No." She said, unblinking. "I am here."

Diamond waved his hand, and the clone of Pink Pearl glitched out of existence. And then she was back in the Beach.

Steven startled when Captain Pearl simply appeared by his side, like she'd never left. The Gem touched her own face and body as if to make sure it was really her, or if this was just a prolonged, awful nightmare.

"Steven—" And then she was gone again.

Steven's attention went back to the screen, where Diamond was pointing forward with his hand. The place he was pointing at shaped itself with light, and then there was Pink Pearl, once again.

"Fascinating." Diamond said, approaching Light-Pink Pearl and touching her chin. "It's physically you, yet I can feel you in my mind… faintly, like an echo. Some of your experiences, even your powers… simply incredible."

"As long as you summon me, I must obey." She said, staring at him. Steven was going to be sick.

"I must obey, My Diamond, no?" Steven could hear his smile.

"Yes."

"Hm." He moved away, changing the screen's perception. "Pearl, I need you to stay by Steven and figure out what's wrong with him. I will call upon you again."

"Understood."

"You're not calling me 'My Diamond', Pearl."

"Correct."

Diamond stopped moving, staring at her.

"You will address me as 'My Diamond', from now on."

"Whenever I would call you by your name, I will now call you My Diamond."

Diamond smiled.

"You've found ways to rebel against me!" He approached again, stopping close to her. "But you can't leave, clearly. There's no resistance coming from within me, and your Gemstone is gone."

Pearl didn't answer. Diamond continued.

"You are dismissed. We will talk about your posturing later."

And with a wave of his hand, Pink Pearl was back in the Room. This time, she came back much fiercer looking. Her fists were shut and her expression serious.

"He is not my master." She said, not addressing Steven at all. "He will never be."

"Pearl?" He asked. "Are you okay?"

She turned to him and softened her expression. Sorrow and sympathy went back to her eye, and she touched his shoulder. Maybe to ground herself, maybe to ground him.

"No, but it's not your fault, Steven." Captain Pearl watched the screen. Diamond was taking flight, going towards the city.

Steven's guilt, worry and fears seeped into her mind like tainted water, but she stood strong.

"There has to be something we can do from here." She whispered, worried.

Steven looked around, pointlessly trying to find anything other than the screen to look at, even if it was well within his power to turn it off. Until, finally, he looked up, and remembered something Diamond had just mentioned.

"I think…" He finally said, staring into the distance. The source of illumination in the room was like a sun. "I think I have an idea."