It's supposed to be one of those moments where I burst into tears and scream at the sky. But what's the point of that? I pull my knife from the boy from 9's back, shoving him away from me. He still reminds me of my brother. But he's not my brother, because my brother would never kill the girl I love — loved. Hell, he wouldn't kill anyone after his Games. Neither would Theo. Neither would Ryley.

She should have lived. She died because I wasn't strong enough to save her. I loved her, and she died anyway. It's happened before, two tributes loving each other, and one of them always ends up dead. The victor, if they are in fact the victor, commit suicide or run away. But Ryley wouldn't have wanted that. Her last words were 'I love you,' and I have no idea if she heard me say it back.

I should be screaming right now, like Ryley was just a few minutes ago. I should be shouting and cursing and beating at the ground with my fists. I should be angry. But all I feel is… numb.

…

The hovercraft comes and takes me to the Capitol.

I suppose I eat, drink, sleep, and shower.

Caesar Flickerman interviews me.

I go home.

But I'm numb. Faceless. Bodiless. Worthless.

I loved her, and she died. What's the point of loving, hating feeling anything else if she's gone?

Sometimes I think I hear her voice, the echo of the sweet, clear voice bouncing around in my head. Sometimes I think I see her face, just a flash as her dark hair whips by. Sometimes in a crowd, I search for her and find the strangest things to remind me of her. Auburn hair, there, deep, soulful brown eyes there, a heart-shaped face. But she's gone, I have to keep reminding myself. She's gone, and she's not coming back.

Then in a flash, I'm okay for a moment until it all comes rushing back. I hold my brother's baby in my arms, rocking her to sleep, and I hear Ryley's laugh in my mind. I stroke the head of a dolphin and feel her hand in mine. I wrap myself in blankets, trying to stay warm, and picture her arms around me. We loved each other, Ryley and I, and she was far too fragile for this world.

Every time I think that I cry a little more.

Someday, I tell myself, I'll see her again. Maybe in the stars, maybe in the sun, maybe in the next life I have to endure. Who really knows, anyway?

It's easier than you'd think, losing someone. It's harder that hard to imagine them gone, but sometimes they feel as if they're just in the next room, and their laugh will sound for real in your ears… sometimes it feels hopeless, though, and those are the hard days, the days when I see a glint of red and can't help but imagine her blood, soaking into the swampy ground. When I hear a frog croak in the middle of the night and hear Julius's screams of pain, which remind me of Ryley's.

Screams are common nowadays. Mine, my brother's, hers in my head. I wonder if it will ever go away, if we will ever truly heal. Maybe someday the Games will be nothing but a memory. Then, I think, then would be the time for suicide. In a horrible world, I can live without her. It's my punishment, of a sort, for trying and failing to love. But in a happy world, a free one, I would have to spend endless days, milling around in the peace and doing nothing but waiting for her.

Yes, maybe someday I'll see her again. Maybe not. But until we meet again, my love, my Ryley, I'm just holding on to the hope that we will.

I love you.

Let me just start by saying thank you thank you thank you to everyone who's stuck with me through this story. I have loved writing it so much, and it's the first story I've finished. Here's to many more! I love you all and it means so much that you care enough to feel for my characters. Ryley's death, of course, was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to write. I cried writing it and I'm crying now because Malachi without Ryley is so, so hard. This is not quite goodbye, because I'm writing an epilogue, but this is the last chapter you'll get before the end. I'm very sorry that I had to *gulp* kill Ryley, but she's waiting for Malachi now. I've known since the beginning that this is where I was going with her, but she's become very near and dear to my heart.

The good thing about books, or in this case fanfics, is that the best characters are the ones you go back to the start for. I love you all and thank you for this amazing community that has supported this story from the beginning. As always, stay safe and I hope you enjoyed.

Love, Ally