19. Schemes

So many dreams, so many disappointments, so many promises. And in the end, they all just vanish.

-Haruki Murakami

Alucard reached inside the stove and retrieved the dish, deeming it ready. He placed it onto the wide stove top, eyeing it critically. Hare would do, but it had been a while since he prepared anything for one other than himself. And even then, he had put much less care into it all. It would have been the same now, but she looked weak and needed something more than brambles and nuts.

Alucard sighed at the irksome thought. If he were being honest, guilt played a hefty part in it as well, for her precarious state was owed to his actions. It was hard enough now to smother any and all thought of her as it was. He had not told her everything, could not. He had told her drinking her essence would change him, and it had. But then there was the aftermath, the lingering need for more, and he thanked his human side for aiding with the niggling bloodlust which followed. The logical part of him knew there had been little choice. But now here he was, still thinking of her days after the fact, still hearing every whisper of her ruby red stream, attempting to shield himself from the scent of her apprehension and confusion, her fascination, her desire.

It was partly the reason he had given her the manuscript. The sooner she had what she needed and left, the better. Alucard figured he would find another way to restore the engine room, he did not need her for it. He did not need her at all. His heart denounced the lie. Though the thought of her stepping out of his life now did strange things to his mind and placed a shroud of loss over his spirit, Alucard attributed it to the yet active connection they shared. He nearly laughed at the irony of it... one unwilling, the other unaware. When Alucard had helped with her wrist he had barely kept himself from pinning her down, piercing her neck and having more. He had never felt anything like it before, the memory of his strength and heightened state while spiked on her blood still so fresh, so tempting. He had no need of blood in the true sense, due to the duality of his nature, but his father had warned him of its intoxicating and addictive effects. Alucard ran a hand over his face in exasperation. It was better now, easier to cope with. He no longer felt the pull of her, but something else was shaking him out of his usually resigned and morose state of mind. The way the Styrian looked at him. The way they could never say what lurked beyond their minds, and what he had discovered dwelling within her. Perhaps it was better this way. She had a different purpose here.

A ruffling sound of material took him out of his thoughts, and his face shuttered when he beheld Ravenna entering the kitchen. One of her wrists was still bandaged, and she wore a flowing dark blue dress with long bell sleeves which flared at her hips. He did not remember this one. There was that quirk of her eyebrow which, he had come to know, heralded a biting remark or another.

"I never took you for a cook," Ravenna chimed as she eyed the cast iron dish.

Alucard huffed, placing the dish with the cooked hare onto the wide table. "Need is the greatest of tutors, but I think you know this." She smiled, and he bit the inside of his cheek. "But you forget there was a human living here."

"Of course..." Ravenna sat down at a motion of his hand, "Your mother. That is endearing, Adrian," she said, and there was honesty in her voice.

He placed a bottle onto the table, which caught her attention. "What is this?"

Her host uncorked the bottle and produced two glasses. Ravenna had rarely seen glass items before, having not been in any noble houses to speak of. "No-, I..." she lifted a hand when he poured the second glass, "...I am not accustomed to it."

Alucard looked aghast. "Try things before you denounce them, will you?" and he handed her the wine.

Ravenna narrowed her eyes but took the proffered item, her attention on the swirling of the scarlet liquid. She took a wary sip, finding it rich and somewhat dry to the taste, with a fruity aroma. Then her gaze caught his, and Ravenna cursed the blush spreading to her neck under his stare. "It is... good."

Adrian smiled haughtily, but she did not take the bait.

"No retort? Is there something the matter with you?" Adrian continued to prod lightly.

Ravenna took a piece of game from the dish. "I am simply too happy and grateful for stings," her light blue eyes bore into his, "Does my cheer bother you?"

He valiantly ignored the rushed flow from her center, hastening through her veins. It was much more potent. Perhaps giving her red wine had not been the best endeavor.

The rest of the meal passed in companionable silence, and the sun was yet to set when they retreated to the usual place which made their evenings as unlikely companions - the study. Ravenna had wanted to join him, and Alucard did nothing to deter her. She regaled him with how wonderful the gifted tome was, how she had already begun to delve into its knowledge, how it would be a significant step forward, how beholden she was for it.

Some time and two bottles of wine later, Ravenna was sprawled onto her belly on the divan, her chin resting in her hand as she listened to him speak. She had inquired of his family, and in a rare show of openness Adrian told her stories of his short childhood, of the happy moments he remembered. In turn the woman spoke of Styria and its workings, the hardships its people faced, of her own rather sheltered life as an apprentice.

Presently Adrian was regarding the portrait of his mother which he had retrieved and now held in his hands. "I owe her most of what I am," he said, and it was releasing to speak of her to someone. Ever since she died, he had not spoken of it, truly spoken of it, to anyone but his father. And he was no longer here. "I was raised to believe I represented both kindreds, and to strive in becoming the best of either," his smile faded.

"Is it your belief that you failed?" Ravenna wondered, saddened by his change of mood. He did not deserve this misery, the loneliness, any of it. He deserved...

Adrian turned his head towards her, propped against the backrest of his armchair. There was a glimmer in his eyes which Ravenna attributed to the wine. She did feel strange herself, her arms become slack, her head spinning and pleasantly numbed all over. "I do not know, Ravenna. I used to think I knew what I wanted. Not so now," and his gaze raked over her in a way which riled, bringing forth the same need as before. She wanted him close, wanted something of him. And he would not look away, not even when Ravenna rose unsteadily from the divan, slowly stepping towards him. She felt trapped, her body moving in a trance, guided by his golden stare.

Emboldened and rather dazed she still neared him, even as the light in his eyes changed from questioning to cold. But he deserved... for the first time since his feeding of her Ravenna wanted more. For the first time she felt a calling, vague and smothered but she knew it was him.

Alucard merely watched her apprehensively, doing nothing when she leaned in, closer, her eyes on his ageless face, trailing to his mouth; that sweet, dangerous mouth she both craved and feared. Ravenna then felt the strong opposition of a wall, of seeping resent and barely contained fury, and only late did she sense it was coming from him. His hands now shook imperceptibly and his fingers trembled on the sides of his seat, his eyes lit with near bestial ferocity. He was frightening. He was beautiful.

Alucard swallowed. Yes, wine had been a terrible idea. What was she doing?

Ravenna felt no fear, but knew she was heading headlong into uncharted territory. Nothing of him spoke of permission or openness, and yet she felt he needed this. She saw it in the way he watched her, heard it in that wordless, unrelenting calling surging through her. "Adrian..." she gently reached and ran a hand through his hair even as his eyes closed. There brimmed the need to show him there was more to life than pain and more to humanity than the ghosts of his past. She wanted to prove that there was. Ravenna allowed all the honesty she felt surface into her words. "I know what I want," she told him, this time lower and more pleadingly, her voice gaining a throaty quality.

Gradually his eyes softened under her stare, the death grip on his seat relinquished. "And what is that?"

"More of... more of you," Ravenna said even as he went rigid, "...and I want to know what it feels like... to..." she reached for one of his wrists, running the sleeve of his shirt up to touch the pale scarred skin. When Ravenna leaned in towards his mouth his eyes narrowed, and for the first time she saw a trace of fear in them. She also saw herself in his stare.

"Don't," Alucard warned but his voice was strangled, laced with so much burdened craving it did nothing to deter her. And he knew it. He also felt drunk. Drunk on the scent of her pure blood, and as free as he was of the compulsion to drink her dry it still called to him incessantly, ever since she had foolishly offered it to him. The torturous pumping of violent red through her chest, into her womb, pulsing lower-

His eyes widened when he felt her lips feathering over the corner of his mouth. The portrait fell to the floor. His hand clenched around the edge of his seat, and in hateful submission his other arm came strongly around her waist, drawing a gasping Ravenna rather clumsily into his lap. He grasped her hair and buried his face in the crook of her neck, breathing her in for a long moment before he finally sought her mouth, tasted her lips, lingering on the wonderful feel of them; feeding on her hunger. She tasted of wine and berries.

This is wrong, it is wrong, his sanity fumed, but the truth was he had missed this... this ache, the warmth of another. It filled the void and she felt so good against him Alucard was close to drowning. With a strangled groan of desire he brought Ravenna into him. The wood splintered where his long fingers clutched the armrest but he could not help it. Something would break, and it was either this, or her. And the most disconcerting was how weak this was making him. It was a dangerous sort of power, and one which had nearly cost him his life once. But her scent...

"Adrian, please," Ravenna cooed, her hand trailing down his neck, gingerly following the line of his scar. Her fingers reached lower over burning skin, her palm splayed across warm hardened muscle. His quickened heartbeat thundered under her touch as Ravenna nipped at his lips, smiling when he broke away to lead a burning trail from her mouth to her cheek, along her jaw, losing more of himself with every passing moment.

She gasped against his mouth when his thumb circled one of her hardened peaks, and with this teasing the moan she had been striving to keep at bay soared from her chest, making its way up her throat, smothered by his kiss. In response he suckled on her lower lip with a velvet release before pressing his cheek to hers. It was a feat to regain his shallow breathing.

Ravenna could feel something hardening against her hip as she lay draped over him on her side, and without thought pressed herself into it. She heard a harsh intake of breath, felt his fingers tightening around her nape.

Alucard let his head fall back and held her lower body down possessively, kneading her against him in repetitive friction. His hand dug into her hip. "Ravenna, " he whispered mindlessly, mirroring the pulsing rhythm of her blood in his movements. "Are you... certain..." His fingers tangled in her rich black hair.

Ravenna only nodded swaying with his lead, enjoying him with shuttered eyes.

It had been so very long since he had melted into someone else, and shared-

Ruthlessly, the memory of a similar event where dream turned nightmare resurfaced, turning pleasure to ash, and his mind began to seethe. This felt so sadly, awfully, familiar. But she would not... there had always been an honesty about her which Alucard had tried his best to rebuke, and there was honesty in the way she touched and tasted-

...but it had been the same with them. Alucard had sensed their lust well enough. And it had not deterred them from their plan of ending him, not in the least. He had been no less blind to their game, and what was there to keep history from repeating itself?

Even bearing these thoughts he still responded, crushing Ravenna to him to the point of painfulness, kissing her deeper. For one split shard of time he allowed himself the freedom to bask in the visions of her blood and desires. He saw her lying on her back, flushed and with her hands around her head; garbed in nothing but her raven hair-

No.

And from beyond silent hedges of thought the past burst to the surface, carrying with it all the brunt of scalding pain and irrational fear, burning away any and all hopes or desires.

Ravenna was completely lost in the haze of his taste when with a hiss Alucard sharply pulled her head away. In doing so he severed their breathless kiss, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Is this your game?" he tilted his head to the side, his expression morphing into one of calculating feline curiosity. "Well? Will you tell me I am lonely?" he said to an astonished Ravenna, whose lips were now swollen and red, parted in surprise at the vicious interruption.

"What do you mean-" her eyes widened.

"Will you tell me it was time for my reward? What did you reckon? Well, pretty human, I am not so removed from your ways as you think. But I never expected you to attempt the same scheme," Alucard followed, and his voice was ice. "How truly disappointing."

"Adrian," Ravenna swallowed, "what is it you speak of?"

"You humans never do think too far ahead," he spoke, still breathless because of her, and all the angrier for it. "You think you know me so well, do you? You think you can understand what my existence entails after what I've done?" he tilted his head to the other side. "Maybe I should turn you..." his gaze raked over her with contempt.

"No-," Ravenna croaked desperately, wondering where Adrian had gone. This was not him. "Please, I-"

"Why, Ravenna? Don't you want to know what it feels like?" Alucard threw, his hand still harshly grasping her hair back so her slender neck was exposed. He watched her with a cruel smile, his darkened eyes following the rise and fall of her yet peaked chest through her dress, the life thrum of her neck, the lips he had tasted.

"There is no scheme!" Ravenna wailed. "How can you think these things!" she tried, deeply unsettled by the hateful manner of his words. "Think! Would I attempt to retrieve you from peril if I wanted you gone, if I wanted to hurt you?"

He huffed, a manic light in his eye. "You did not have what you needed yet." His fingers tightened into her hair. "You did not know where to find it, but I am sure you knew it had to be here."

Ravenna could barely believe her ears. Where had his usually unfeeling and pragmatic logic gone? "Damn this to hell I feel for you, I only wanted to show you that I do. Adrian-"

Ravenna gasped when she fell into the armchair holding nothing. Her gaze shot upward to see Adrian on his feet.

"Get out," he demanded lowly. He turned his back on her.

"Will you at least tell me what I've done? Forgive me," Ravenna rose to stand, one hand reaching for him. "Believe me, I would never harm you-"

She froze when he lashed at her, his vampiric side rushing to the fore and flaring menacingly. "Get out !" came the shrill command echoing off the walls as Alucard rounded on her, accompanied by blazing red eyes and sharp teeth.

Shaking uncontrollably and truly frightened now Ravenna took one step back, then another. Her lower lip quivered. His touch still burned into her skin.

And then his stance mellowed as though Adrian was suddenly very fatigued, propping his hand against the fireside for support. His shoulders rose and fell with each breath. He was looking anywhere but at her. "I want you out of my home before the night is over," he ordered, making her flinch.

"And where would I go?" Ravenna offered calmly and with a newfound, raking sort of hurt pride. There was a wayward look in her eyes.

"That is your concern, not mine," Alucard retorted tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Adrian-," Ravenna tried again, only to be cut off by a scalding look.

"You will regret ever setting foot here otherwise," his words came chopped and shaking.

Trembling like a leaf, Ravenna bit down the crippling misery piling heavily up her throat. "I already do," she spewed the words before turning on her heel and dashing out of his sight, sparing no glance back.

A/N:

*sigh*

We have to remember this was someone who suffered a harrowing betrayal and in my interpretation that led to a fearful, skewed view of intimacy. I don't think there's a magical switch to turn off emotional and psychological trauma just because the *right* person comes along, and a first attempt at healing, through intimacy or otherwise, won't ever just fix things. But hey, the story's not over yet.