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Wally: So does this mean we're married now
Dick: Only if I get to keep the dog and the pinball machine in the divorce
Wally: Well dang if you're already planning for a divorce idk man
Dick: Alright since you wanna have an attitude, I get to keep the squirrel-proof bird feeder as well
Wally: How DARE you go for the bird feeder
Dick: I was trying to keep things civil, but if you want to raise your voice too, fine. I'm taking all the spoons too. Enjoy the inconvenience not being able to eat cereal in a normal way
Wally: I don't eat cereal because I am not a child.
Dick: And this is why we are getting a divorce
Wally: Since the government is busy we should raid Area 51 for real this time
Dick: Just think God was like 'I'm going to put 2 chickens on the ark so I can bless the world in 2000 years with Chick-fil-A' He really had a plan for us to be filled with love and chicken tenders
Dick: Erasers slowly sacrifice themselves for our mistakes
Wally: Dick we've talked about this
Wally: My brain when I go through airport security- but what if I have a gun
Dick: Then you gotta ditch it quick
Dick: The correct spelling for School is School. Some people put the second O before the first O which is absolutely wrong
Wally: Says the non native english speaker
Wally: The police just showed up and arrested a dog
Dick: What!? Why?
Wally: I can only assume unpaid barking tickets
Dick: Getting robbed?
Just say no
Your robber legally cannot take any of you possessions without your consent
Wally: Can you imagine a robber though.
Stopping and being like 'Excuse me, mind if I steal your jewelry and wallet'
Wally: What's your ideal perfect date.
Dick: DD/MM/YY
Any other format can be confusing
Wally: I was actually looking for a serious answer
I have an anniversary coming up and I don't know what to do
Wally: I have been alive for twenty plus years and still haven't found the right thing to say when someone knocks on the door to the public bathroom you're in
Dick: 'Come back with a warrant' is my go to
Dick: So I just remembered Patrick has a fishing license
So does that mean he's legally allowed to kill people
Wally: Licensed hit man
Wally: Platypuses make both milk and eggs, which makes them a portable source for omelettes
Dick: This reads like a 3 am fever dream
Dick: If you water water it grows
Wally: Who are you so wise in the ways of science
Dick: How many birthdays are there? 365 or 7 billion?
Wally: I don't know how to answer your question
Wally: On January 1st 2021 people are gonna be like 'haven't seen you since last year' and it's gonna be true
Dick: Oklahoma's state vegetable is a watermelon
Wally: Someone, somewhere, really screwed up
Wally: I'm just gonna stick an 'out of order sticker' on my forehead and call it a day
Dick: Big mood
Dick: I have discovered that I have anatidaephobia.
Wally: Anatidaephobia?
Dick: Yes, a fear where I feel somewhere in the world a duck or a goose is watching me
Dick: I have made another discovery, I figured out how to become my own grandfather
Wally: I am almost afraid to ask
Dick: I would have to marry a widow who has a grown daughter, my father would have to marry the daughter. The widow's daughter would become my mother. Since my mother's mother is my wife, my wife would also be my grandmother. As the husband of my grandmother I would also become my own grandfather.
Wally: This is the worst thing you have ever sent me and also wouldn't work since you are an orphan
Dick: Why you gotta be like that
Wally: You know binary right?
Dick: Who are you talking to?
Wally: I was sent an anonymous email and it's in binary
I need a translator
01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101 01000100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 0111001 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01100101
Dick: Is this the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?
Did you write Darth Plagueis the Wise in binary?
Wally: It's not a story the coders will tell
Dick: You're commitment to this bit is not only admirable but also slightly ridiculous
Dick: Bold of me to say 'no worries' when I in fact am full of nothing but worries
Wally: Do you ever think about the fact that Wikipedia build the modern library of alexandria using nothing but nerds' to correct each other
Dick: Just overheard a woman say 'no offence, but who the f*** do you think you are?!' to her no-more-than-a-few-months-old baby
Wally: HOLY S*** I JUST SUBMITTED THE WRONG FILE TO MY SCHOOL WORK
I SUBMITTED A PICTURE OF A CAT THAT HAS BEEN MEMED TO DEATH
I WAS ONLY ALLOWED ONE SUBMISSION AND MY TEACHER WON'T RESPOND TO MY PLEAS
Dick: Which cat picture?
Wally: A white cat with a very strained smile, it's a little blurry because it's zoomed way the h*** in.
Wally: Someone in the world has consumed more mayonnaise than anyone else currently alive and they don't even know it
Dick: What are you implying here?
That it's you?
That you know who it is?
That they ought to be ashamed?
That they ought to be proud?
Wally: There is no physical description of Jesus in the bible
Dick: False, Luke 2:52
He's larger than a baby
And by the description of him driving the moneylenders from the temple, we can also tell that he fit inside the temple, which gives us an upper bound as well as a lower bound on his size
Wally: It's been said that Jesus Christ was larger than a baby but smaller than a temple
Wally: If you need anything
Just ask
Someone else
Dick: So the English word for Red Panda is 'Firefox'
So apparently Firefox is trying to convince people that its logo is actually a red panda and not a fox
Wally: Sorry I don't speak wrong
Dick: Sweatshirts are one of my favorite things in the world, like am I wearing a bra? Probably not 'cause I'm a guy, but, the mystery is still there.
Wally: This took an unexpected twist and I like it
Wally: Several weeks into quarantine and I am now feeding a roomba cheetos
Dick: Why Cheetos
Wally: Cause it's hungry
Dick: No I understand the logic, just wonder why you chose cheetos instead of say Cheerios or peanuts.
Dick: Did you know square = circle
Wally: Explain
Dick: Circle = 360 degrees, Square had 4 corners each equalling 90 degrees. 90*4=360
Therefore Square = Circle
So I did not mean to be gone that long. Life got a little crazy. For exactly one whole week. It was a lot, but you know a lot in comparison for it all happening in a week. Not a lot like overwhelming the world is ending drama, just. A lot of stuff. Happy Social Distancing