* This chapter contains and talks about mental health and other related health issues.

Chapter Nineteen ~ Forever (is a long time)

Inspired By: Bandito ~ Twenty One Pilots, Staring at the Sun ~ Post Malone (ft. SZA) & Forever...(is a long time) ~ Halsey

January 16th, Present Day

2:48 AM

Delicate pale fingers wove through curls the color of fireflies. Damp strands and knots slowly untangling. Softly. Carefully. A slender thumb caressing tear streaked cheeks. Pale skin stained red from irritation. A breath escaped her lips, a mutter of words, but sleep still held her tight. Stirring from her dreams, or possibly even nightmares. She looked peaceful, but her heart was weak. Strained. It's a muscle, but it's still not strong enough to carry the weight of the choices she's made.

The sound of rain hitting the earth around them filled the air. Every so often, another distant crack of thunder would sound off in the distance. The storm was practically over now. But the storm within Sasha's chest had only just begun, as her hands soothed over her daughter's sleeping form. She wanted to go over there. She really wanted to go over there. But she promised her she would stay. And Sasha promised herself she would never break another promise again.

In the morning, they would talk.

He hated himself.

The whiskey was smooth, but the smoke was harsh. His lungs were begging for a break, but Jimmy didn't care. Another drag. More smoke exhaled through his lips. His half lidded eyes beyond faded. He coughed so hard he could swear he saw blood after he wiped his hand away. He didn't care. Another shot. The bottle was almost empty. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the glass. Red eyes, a little bit of vomit on his shirt, and dried tears.

Her bedroom light was off, but he knew she was over there. He watched her run across the street. Raindrops consuming the material of her clothes. Her breath is heavy from the child growing inside of her. Golden strands stuck to her skin instantly.

He almost went after her. But a bottle of whisky and a blunt sounded better.

He thought the high would make him feel better. But he was wrong. He thought the whiskey would make him numb. But he was wrong. He thought letting her go was for the best. But he was wrong. And he thought for a moment that his heart had stopped beating. That, he was right about. Because it had. The moment she left, his heart went still. The blood in his veins suddenly cold. He was heartless when she was away. Nothing but a black void. A complete and empty space in the center of his chest.

Eventually, sleep did take him. And in the morning, his mother would find him on the porch.

1:23 PM

She slept past noon. Something she hadn't done in years. Her grandmother's afgan draped carefully over her form, Humphrey nestled up against her chest. She opened her eyes, stirring awake from a dreamless night. Her hand falling upon her puppy's fur. He snuggled closer. Her heart swelled at the sight, and for a moment, It was enough to distract Cindy from the insistent voices inside of her head.

There was a gold light that poured through the living room blinds, they sky above no longer grey, but an ocean blue. She sat up, slowly. The old suede sofa creaked with every move. Her phone was on the floor, upside down. She didn't want to deal with that. Not yet. So instead, with a yawn, she shifted the afgan to the side, and made her way to the kitchen. Humphrey following sleepily, but closely, behind.

She found her mother not far from the smell of coffee and pancakes. It reminded her of Sunday morning's when she was little. Her long black hair was pulled high into her signature bun, face done up with light make-up, and a pink coal sweater with black leggings covered her lithe form.

A creak from the floorboards notified her of Cindy's arrival as she spun around from the stove. A smile cracked at her lips. "Good afternoon, Princess."

Cindy yawned again as she stumbled over to her mother, her eyes still filled with fatigue. "Pancakes for lunch?"

Sasha chuckled as she returned her attention back to the frying pan. Cindy leaned her head against her mother's shoulder. "It's all I have left to be honest. I haven't had a chance to go shopping."

Another yawn. "I'll eat anything at this point. I'm starving."

Her free hand pulled her daughter close, a kiss on the top of her head before saying, "Sit down, baby. I'll make you some."

He woke up in a cold sweat. His head pounding from every angle. Blinding light burned him from afar, as he pulled the blankets over his head. In here, he could smell his own breath. Alcohol and vomit. Wonderful. Just...wonderful.

Everything hurt. He felt as if his entire being was made of glass and somebody just went to town with a baseball bat. It even pained him to breath. His eyes closed hoping the darkness would grant him peace, but all he saw was her face.

Fuck.

He didn't remember coming to bed, but he did remember the early morning sun in his eyes as his mother pulled him up from the porch floor. He remembered the sound of her voice, but he didn't remember the words that she spoke. What time was it? Jimmy wondered suddenly. The blinding light told him surely it must be...Early afternoon? Morningish? He knew he needed to get up, but the pain was unbearable. His muscles ached, his head felt like a thousand pounds. Even just the slightest bit of movement made him nauseous. He was lucky he didn't vomit all over himself...again...

After god knows how long, Jimmy did finally manage to pull the blanket down and coerce his body to stand. He stumbled into the bathroom, a very concerned Goddard skipping behind. He flinched at his own reflection. Not from the irritated skin, not from the tangled messy hair, not from the black bags under his eyes, or the gash over his bottom lip, or the dried blood that seemed to gather underneath. He flinched at the darkness that swirled in his eyes. That clouded his once diamond mind. The poison that filled his veins, and the void that sat where his heart was supposed to be.

He shook his head, looking away from the mirror.

He forced himself into the shower. Once again suppressing and ignoring thoughts of self loathing and disgust. Maybe if he just pretended to be ok everything would go back to normal. He and Cindy would make up, her father would go back to LA, Mel would be born and happily ever after. The End.

Maybe. If he tried hard enough.

The moment he looked at his phone, was the moment he realized what a mistake that had been. 4 Missed calls from Libby. 2 missed calls from Carl and Sheen both, and an abundance of text messages from all three of them.

But nothing from Cindy.

He glanced out his bedroom window as he held his phone up to his ear. Her blinds were closed.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Carl's voice beamed through the speaker.

"Just meet me at the lab."

She shouldn't have looked at her phone. She really shouldn't have looked at her phone.

8 missed calls from Libby. A few texts from Carl and Sheen, and one long text from Judy.

But nothing from Jimmy.

Judy

Today, 8:56 AM

I don't know what happened last night, but I want you to know I found him passed out drunk on the porch this morning. He was so out of it he couldn't even speak. He's sleeping now, he probably will be for a while, but I am really worried about him. He may hide it well from you, but he can't hide from me. The stress is getting to him. I can see him breaking every second of every day. He pretends he's ok for you, but I know he is really struggling right now. There's something wrong, and it kills me that he won't talk to me about it. All I know is, he loves you, Cindy. If anyone can save him from himself, it's you. Please.

A long, shaky breath pushed past Cindy's lips as she read Judy's message. Her free hand rubbing her temple as she sat criss-crossed on the living room couch. She felt Mel move, and her heart began to break at the thought of stress upsetting her. Humphrey settled into her lap as she just stared at the phone screen. Drunk. That was to be expected after the fight they had. But...pretending to be ok for her? What was she talking about? What was Jimmy hiding? Cindy thought long and hard about Judy's words. Tracing back her memories to all of the times her and Jimmy spent together. Was he really just putting on a show? Why wouldn't he tell her what he was feeling? Why would he just suffer alone in darkness? They were a team. A family. Regardless of how pissed she was at him right now, she was hurt at the fact of him hiding something so important such as his mental health.

"Hey."

Cindy looked up to see her mother leaning in the doorway. She hadn't even heard her come in.

"Hey."

"Can I sit?" She asked, motioning her hand to the sofa.

Cindy nodded, sliding her phone into her hoodie pocket. Sasha sat down and pulled her legs up to match her daughter's position.

She turned to face her. "So."

Cindy cocked a brow. "So?"

"You know what I want to talk about."

Another breath, Cindy looked away. "Mom-"

"I'm worried, Cindy." Sasha scooted closer. "You came storming in last night crying so hard you could barely breathe. Clearly he did something to upset you. So what happened? What did he do?"

A long pause. "He-", Cindy stopped. Collecting her thoughts. "It all started with Dad's offer."

Sasha's eyes narrowed suddenly. "Offer? What offer?"

"Did you know he's a millionaire now?"

Sasha scoffed. "I've heard of his success since moving to Los Angeles, yes. Are you saying he offered you money?"

Cindy shook her head. "Not exactly. Well...kinda? He-...He wants me to live with him in LA. He said he'd pay for me to go to any college I want in the area and...he would make sure while I am off pursuing an education, Mel would be cared for by his…'employee's' or, whatever."

Sasha took a deep breath, lost in thought. "And Jimmy fits into this where?"

"He doesn't. That's the problem. He wouldn't be with us. He would be across the country. At MIT."

This was the part where she expected her mother to get furious. Where she expected her to go off on a tangent, much like she first did upon hearing this absolutely ridiculous offer. But instead, Sasha surprised her. She blinked, her lips pressed into a line as her mind seemed to fall deep in thought. Her green eyes staring off into nothingness. She didn't know how much time had passed before she spoke. Sasha's voice was so soft, Cindy almost didn't hear it at all.

"Do you want to go?"

Cindy shot her a look of disbelief. "No! Of course not. Why would I leave Retroville? Leave you? Or Libby or anyone else I've ever met and cared for? Why would I want my daughter raised by nannies and servants? Why would I want the father of my child across the country?"

"Just because you don't want to, doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do."

"What are you talking about?!" Cindy shook her head, pushing herself away from her mother. This can't seriously be happening, again.

"Cindy. Do you think I wanted to leave France? Do you think I wanted to live in that god awful apartment? Do you think I wanted your father to work 3 jobs that made him so tired to even smile? Do you think I wanted to move to Retroville when he got a job offer that would ultimately be the demise of our relationship? No. I didn't want any of those things. But do you know why I did them? Because they were what was best for you."

"Your situation was totally different from mine-"

"Was it? Because I really don't think it is."

Cindy pressed her lips into a line. She wanted to leave. She really wanted to leave, but the moment her mother's hand came to rest on her knee halted her in place.

"I think your heart already knows the right answer. But it's the anger and the fear that's holding you back. You're afraid of change. You're afraid to grow up. You're afraid to trust your father who's hurt you, so much. I know that fear, Cindy. I lived with it for years after your father left me."

"So-," Cindy stuttered. "So are you saying...you think I should go? With Dad? To Los-fucking-Angeles and have my daughter raised by strangers? You're taking his side?"

Another deep breath from Sasha. "I think...you need to look at this in a different light, Cynthia. Do not look at this as moving far away from me, and leaving everyone you've ever known behind. Do not look at this as being separated from Jimmy, or having your daughter cared for by 'strangers'. Look at this, as an opportunity. To rebuild your relationship with your father. To experience a new city-and not just any city, the city. The City of Stars. Think of the opportunities you would be gifted. Think of the education and experience you would gain. Think of your daughter getting to grow up in a mansion with thousands of toys, spoiled beyond belief. And you'll still be there, Cindy. You'll still be there to raise her. And as for Jimmy, think of this as a way for him to find himself. To experience his own path. His own opportunities. He'll still be here, too. You'll still talk to him everyday, and I'm more than sure he will come and visit as much as he can. And think about how amazing all of this will feel, when the two of you finish, and are able to finally pick up where you left off. Imagine the happiness you will feel when all of this pays off, when it's all worth it."

Cindy hadn't realized she was crying until Sasha had finished speaking. The wetness on her cheeks glistening in the afternoon rays, streaked through the large living room window. She fiddled with the strings from her hoodie. Looking down, away from her mother.

Her voice was so soft. "But what if it's not worth it? What if it's the biggest mistake of my life?"

Sasha reached out and took her daughter's face between her hands. "What if it's the best decision of your life?"

"You really want me to go? And live with dad?"

"Of course I don't want you to go. But I think it might be best for you and for little Melanie, if you do." Sasha wiped one of her tears away from her cheek. "And...I think you need to talk to Jimmy."

"I already know where he stands." Cindy shook her head. "He told me yesterday he wants me to go. That's the whole reason the fight even started."

"Cindy. You still need to talk to him."

"But-"

"Communication. Admitting you maybe have reacted out of emotion. And he probably did too. You need to talk to him."

Her mother was right. She did need to talk to him, but not entirely for all the reasons she was thinking. Cindy's mind kept going back to Judy's text. I can see him breaking, every second of every day. He pretends he's ok for you. Now Cindy was really worried. Not only did she feel incredibly guilty about the way she reacted to everything, but what if she pushed him too far? What if she tapped that bubbling darkness he's been hiding from her and now it's exploded, and it's all her fault? What if she triggered it? Because she was brash. Because she was emotional. Because she, was selfish.

She stood up then, her mother's hands falling from her face. "Your right. I-I have to go."

Humphrey chased her all the way across the street.

His finger's tapped against the metal desk. One leg up on his favorite swivel chair while the other swayed him from side to side. His cheek rested on his right knee as he waited. And waited. And waited.

The silence was deafening. He hated it. It was the only time he ever felt so truly alone. And being alone was never good. Being alone meant giving into the voices. Into the darkness he tried so hard to pretend wasn't there.

The lab was a wreck. A complete and total wreck. Boxes were everywhere. Equipment he had for ages torn out of the walls, left in a pile for scraps. Trash bags, upon trash bags, upon trash bags, just piled up to all corners. The part of the lab that was fully clean was the make-shift kitchen he had crafted himself.

He smiled at a memory of Cindy eating chocolate ice cream. It seemed so far away. It hurt.

It was then, that the doors opened. The automated announcement system had been disabled a few days ago, so now he had no idea who or when anyone was coming down. He turned to face the door, right as he caught a glimpse of curly red hair and a backwards hat. Well, shit. He really did come.

"Dude." Carl pointed at Jimmy as he made his way over to where he was sitting. "You got some fucking explaining to do."

"What did you hear and from where?" Jimmy said nonchalantly. Still spinning side to side in the chair. "Because I can guarantee, it isn't the full story."

Carl stopped in front of the chair. "Apparently Cindy called Libby late last night. Said you two got into a fight and that you said you wanted her to move to LA? And then Libby told Sheen and then Sheen told me, and we all fucking texted and called you, and you straight up ghosted us!"

Jimmy cocked an eyebrow. "No. See, Libby is already twisting everything. I did not say I wanted her to move to LA. I said, it would be best to go with her dad's plan."

"Dad's plan?"

"Ohhhh. See? Funny how you people don't even know the full story."

"You people?" Carl put his foot on the spinning chair, halting Jimmy in front of him. "Don't be a dick, man. It's not a good look on you."

"I don't understand how Cindy and I's relationship can be passed around like a game of telephone. We don't do that to Sheen and Libby."

Carl went quiet. Jimmy had a point.

"Look, man. You and Cin are like the super couple. We've been invested in this shit for years. And when things happen, we-you know-tend to get...maybe a little...too...involved-"

"The fight literally happened less than 24 hours ago and I woke up to 8 missed calls and 74 text messages. There is no reason for you guys to be that fucking involved."

"Dude. Why are you being such an asshole today? I get it, we overreacted. I'm sorry. I'll talk to Sheen and Libs later. But did you really just invite me over here to bitch at me? Or do you actually want to talk about what happened? Like friends do?"

Jimmy took a long pause before exhaling a deep breath. Carl was right. Why was he being such an asshole? Why did he call him over here? Well, part of him, yes-was pissed about the thousand texts and how they always jump to conclusions about anything and everything. But, obviously, Carl was his friend. One of his best friends. And...it's good to talk to friends.

Right?

"I'm sorry." Jimmy stood up from the chair. "I'm just...fucked up right now. I'm still dealing with a really shitty hangover."

Carl's expression turned concerned. "You ok, dude?"

No. No he was not ok at all.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

Carl didn't believe him, but he dropped the subject anyway.

"Look, I'm sorry for overwhelming you."

"Don't worry about it. I'm sorry for being an asshole." Jimmy patted him on the shoulder before walking over to the old couch, still up against the wall in the back of the room. He let himself fold into the material. It may have been old, but still comfy.

"So, what did happen last night then?" Carl plopped down next to him.

"So you know how we were meeting her dad for dinner?"

"Yup. I'm guessing shit hit the fan?"

"You could say that. Apparently Liam Vortex has been quite busy over in Los Angeles. Got himself an estate and a million bucks."

"No shit."

"Yup. Not only that, he wants Cindy to go live with him. Says he'll pay for any college she wants to go to, while having a nanny take care of Mel while she's at school."

Carl shot him a look. "And you?"

A slight, awkward, pause. "I would...go to MIT."

"Dude." Carl just gave him a look. "That's..."

"Crazy, I know." Goddard jumped up and into his lap. "And at first I was really mad. I thought, 'he must be doing this to split us up. There has to be a catch.' But the more he kept talking, the more I started to think...What if this is what's best? Think about it. Think about all of the opportunities Cindy would have in LA. Money would be no object, her and Mel would have everything they would ever need and more. And I would still get to go to my dream college-"

"But you'll be so far from your daughter. Are you sure you're ok with that?"

"No." Jimmy shook his head. "No, of course I'm not ok with it. Of course I want to be there. For everything. For her first words, her first steps. Her first birthday, her first...everything. She's...my little girl...Of course I want to be there..."

And the more he started speaking, the more not ok with it he became.

"But...?" Carl eyed him curiously.

"But...I know...this is what would be best. For all of us. And, as much as it pains me to be away and possibly miss all of those moments...I know that, it won't be forever. And, I know that as long as Mel and Cindy are cared for, I'll make myself ok with it."

Jimmy looked over to Carl, but he wasn't looking at him anymore. He realized then, that his attention was elsewhere. He followed his eyesight beyond the many trash bags and boxes and knickknacks and failed experiments...and there, plain as day, stood a figure. Pale blond hair, vibrant green eyes, and arms crossed over her chest with those signature pouty lips.

Standing in the doorway, for god knows how long, was Cindy.

The silence was deafening, only this time for a different reason as Jimmy met Cindy's eyes from a far. They were warm, but stern. Something else was hidden behind them. Something Jimmy couldn't figure out. She didn't look nearly as pissed as she was last night, which was a plus, but she did look worried.

His anxiety started to climb with the realization of what this conversation might entail

Carl immediately stood up. "Hey Cin, I'll-uh-don't worry. I'm leaving anyway."

"It's fine, Carl." Jimmy protested, but he was already heading for the door.

He placed a hand on Cindy's shoulder as he passed by "Go easy on him, Cin."

Cindy chuckled, lightly. "I'll try."

And then he disappeared through the door. Leaving Cindy and Jimmy alone.

Cindy didn't move from the entryway, but she called out to him. "You're mother's worried about you."

"She's always worried about me." He stood up, slowly making his way over to her.

Cindy took a step forward, meeting him halfway. "I'm worried about you. "

"Everything is fine, Cin."

A deep breath, before Cindy shook her head. "Don't lie to me. You should know better than to lie to me."

"Look-" Jimmy took another step forward, changing the subject. "I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have gotten upset at your concerns. You have a right to be against moving across the country. You have every right to have the reservations you do-"

"I don't care about that right now." Cindy cut him off. She was close now. "We have bigger issues than me moving to LA."

Jimmy swallowed hard."What do you mean?"

"Jimmy." Her hand reached out and intertwined with his. "I know you're dealing with...a lot right now. And I know it's probably the last thing you want to talk about but...I love you. And, I don't want to lose you. Ever."

He shook his head. "You're not going too."

"I mean it, Jimmy. You can't just suppress everything. I know you're stressed about Mel. I know you're stressed about college and money, and MIT, now me possibly moving to LA...I don't know what's going on in your head...And, fuck, I wish I did...but-the point is, I don't want you to go through this alone. Whatever, this, is."

Jimmy didn't say anything, but he squeezed her hand.

"Promise me." She whispered. "Promise me you won't go through it alone."

His uneasy breath was his answer.

She pulled him into a hug, and for once he folded into her arms. It was like all of the anger and animosity from last night was gone. All of those pointless words shouted back and forth, meaningless. All that mattered was him. And as long as he was, seemingly, ok-then so was she.

This time it was her who whispered against his neck.

"I want to go."

Jimmy pulled back, a confused look across his face, his voice low. "What changed your mind?"

"A lot of things." Cindy looked down, almost embarrassed. "I'm sorry. For everything yesterday. I acted on emotion. I should have thought about it more. I shouldn't have-"

He kissed her. Softly, but abruptly cutting her off. When he pulled back there was a sad smile on his face. "It's ok. It's ok. We're gonna be ok. It's me and you against the rest of the world. Forever."

"Forever is a long time." She chuckled, lightly.

"Not when I'm with you." He muttered into her hair. "Never when I'm with you."