Chapter Info

Title: To let go of tomorrows.

Number: 17/?

Warnings: Language, angst.

Author's Note: So just to let you all know, i have deleted 'love is a battlefield' - the reason is i got quite a few pm's complaining about how i was posting it, even with the full permission of my cousin. So to stop arguments, I've deleted it. Your continued support of this story, and me, is way more than I deserve. Thank you.

- ʚɞ - ʚɞ - ʚɞ -

- Forks, Washington -

- Noelle -

Nimble fingers grip the ceramic mug in her hand, the heat from the coffee leeching through the crockery and into her fingers as Noelle sits at the kitchen table. Her mind wandered over the conversation she'd had with her brother and Carlisle that previous night, the impact of what it was like to witness the hatred between the two species settling on her shoulders. She had once believed that the hatred was nothing more than a tale in a book and yet she had witnessed it with her own eyes.

Her brother was courteous, remembrance of the fights the two had thought the only true reason he kept his words so cordial. And she figured most of it was to do with her being present. If she hadn't, then Noelle can only guess that the conversation would have gone a totally different way. With both species vying for control over a situation that was slowly spinning out of control. One she had been powerless to intrude on.

Instead she'd simply stood leaning into Jared's side as she allowed his heated skin to fight off the chill of the evening, her mind whirling with different thoughts and emotions as she watched a plan form, fall apart and a new one form in its place. Yet the only thing Noelle could think of was the innocent child who had been pulled into the game of a monster, to be used as nothing more than a plaything for something that wasn't of this world.

A part of her wished that she still didn't know about the nightmares that lingered in the shadows - six weeks later and it still wasn't enough time to come to terms with everything. Nor was it enough time to handle the prospect of it hitting her in the face whilst at work. Because honestly, that was the reason she'd not managed to fall into the bliss of sleep. Why she'd been sitting drinking coffee with a narrow minded focus as she thought everything through.

She looks towards the doorway as Daryl tiredly makes his way inside, a soft smile thrown in his direction which is soon smothered by a chuckle at his grunt of acknowledgement. He never was the most awake person in the morning, neither of them were, and she enjoyed the familiarity that came with seeing him wearily moving through the kitchen. Her eyes track him, watching each movement as her thoughts run rampant.

" Are you on shift later ? " a mundane question, absent the placement it needed in their current predicament.

And yet she had to ask it, since learning that there was a vampire running rampant and harming those that were innocent. She couldn't help but think of those that she cared for. Most of them were included in the fight against the monster, for they were a different kind - but Daryl was innocent - he was someone who didn't need to be dragged into the war.

Whilst her and Daryl were currently in the most awkward place she'd ever known them to be, she found she still cared for him. He was her friend, beneath the love she harboured for him that was slowly dying with each day. Dying and turning from that of a lover back into that of a friend. She cared for it - it was the reason why she'd resigned herself to a certain fact as Jared had driven her home the night before. She had to let him go.

She couldn't hold onto him anymore, it wasn't fair to him. Not when her heart resided in the chest of another, even if right now she didn't want to be around him. It wasn't the imprint that was forcing this decision from her mind, it was the fact that she didn't deserve the pureness that Daryl exuded. The way he loved her without restraints was not something she deserved - especially when she couldn't return it. Not anymore.

Noelle couldn't help but wonder if she'd been lying during the whole relationship - for she could recall with ease the way the rest of her relationships had fallen apart when she first moved to Boston. How she would compare everyone to Paul. And then Daryl came along, and whilst in the beginning the comparisons were there, she had allowed him to work his way into her heart. And her love. But now, she couldn't help but wonder if she'd been lying to him. She had craved the feeling of being close, that much she knew, so maybe that was all it was with Daryl. She loved him, she did, but maybe she just loved the fact of being wanted more.

And if that was the case, she was the worst human alive.

" Yeah I'm working the afternoon to midnight shift." he murmurs " You've got the night shift right ? "

Daryl's Words drag her back to the present conversation and she nods softly. Her eyes cutting over to see he was seated next to her, more alert than when he had walked into the kitchen. She wished he wasn't, as now he was alert and would be able to read every little thing as it crossed over her face.

" Yeah I do. I'm working nights all this week and into next."

He nods as her words settle between them and she sighs, lifting the cup to her lips she takes a swig of the bitter coffee as she works through her next words. She had today them, she'd lost count of how many times she'd backed out saying them the last six weeks. Of how long she'd held on to something that she could feel was dying with each day that passed.

" Daryl. we, we need to talk ! "

And there were the words that kill every relationship, ever.

" I think, i think it's time we stopped lying to ourselves that this isn't the most awkward relationship ever – " she comments dryly. " I know things have changed since we came here, and it's my fault. God it's all my fault and i wish i could change that, but i can't."

She doesn't meet his eyes, for she knew shining in those blue orbs would be understanding. But she didn't want Daryl's understanding. She wanted his pain, she wanted his anger because she deserved them. There was no denying that and she'd never deny it. She had used the goodness of the male next to her, for her own selfish reasons.

" I still care for you Daryl, you're one of my best friends. But I just can't give you the love you deserve. I don't think I've ever been able to. And it's time I stop lying to myself and you. It's time I let you go to find a love that you deserve, that isn't me ! "

She moves them, standing from the table and deposits her cup in the sink before walking back over to him. Lifting her left hand she slips off the engagement ring and with a sigh of resignation she slips it into his palm. Leaning down she presses a gentle kiss to his cheek before turning to walk out the kitchen.

" I'll have my stuff out by the end of the week. I'll erm ... figure out somewhere to live. "

Yeah she'd not exactly figured out just where she was going to live, but this was Daryl's house and she wasn't going to intrude on his space any longer. She'd help him cancel the wedding plans, fight to get him the money back the two had spent but she needed to give him distance. She couldn't force herself upon him anymore, it wasn't fair.

None of it was.

" 'Elle wait – "

Daryl's words have her stopping at the bottom of the stairs and with a soft sigh she turns to face him. Her hazel eyes locking on his blue and a sob catches in her throat as she sees the understanding she knew would be shining there.

" Look i can't say i understand what changed when we came back. But I've always known deep down that you weren't truly mine. That your heart belonged to another but i loved you enough to take what you were willing to give. And i get why you lied about your past, it's complicated i get that – " She only just notes the fact he was moving closer. " As you said, we're still friends right – "

She nods as the tears start to fall down her face and he smiles sadly. " Take the spare room til you get yourself sorted. We're friends, we've always been friends and I'm not an asshole who would see you on the street. "

" Daryl, I can't. It's not fair – " she argues as her head shakes vehemently. She couldn't do that to him. Not after practically tearing his heart out and stamping all over his love.

God when did her life become so drastic. Only a few months ago she was wondering what fucking centrepieces to have at her wedding. Now she was arguing between her head and her heart - ending one love whilst another was up in the air.

" Look how about this, given you've got nights till next week. Use the house to rest and sort yourself out, and then next week when you've got time, find somewhere else to live. – " He was bargaining with her, and yet she couldn't find an argument in return. " Plus it'll give us time to sort things out. To air the tension that has been building between us so we can truly return to being friends. And I might be able to help you with this Paul situation. Because yeah i'm not blind Elle, i know he's the one you truly love. "

She chokes out a heedy laugh as she lets the tears fall, her whole frame collapsing against Daryl as he soothes her in his arms. She was thankful there was the potential of saving their friendship but the pain that she had tainted his love was still weighing heavy on her. And she wasn't sure it would ever go away.

But they say you have to let go to move on.

Extracting herself from his arms she comments about going to get some sleep and drags her tired frame up the stairs and into the spare room. She was thankful she'd at least decided to decorate it when they'd moved in, as well as make sure there were blankets on the bed. Blankets she now collapses into as she lets the true limits of her pain release. Loud sobs wracking her body as she lets out all the pain - both for Daryl and for Paul.

Soon she falls into a restless sleep, her mind playing over and twisting every word Daryl had spoken, every word Paul had spoken and when she wakes up just as night starts to settle - she wonders if she's even loveable. A thought that carries with her through her shower and the routine of getting ready for work. After all it wasn't too far fetched - Paul had chosen to let her go for her career, Daryl loved her even knowing she couldn't love him back. But truly, did she deserve love or was she someone who was too tainted.

Honestly, she was going to go insane if she thought anymore.

Shovelling down the salad Daryl left her, she grabs her keys and heads out. Stopping short as she sees Paul leaning against her car. Against her wishes, she drinks him in and notes in the fledgling light of the day, she looks even worse than he did that previous night in the car park. The dark circles under his eyes looking foreign on his golden skin, his hair mused as though he'd spent hours running his fingers through it.

But it was his eyes that truly capture Noelle's attention, and the pain shining within them. She knew her own were probably a mirror image and it was too much. Cutting her eyes down to her feet, she continues down the porch steps, taking the walk towards her car slowly, as though she could extend the time before she was once more in his space.

" I take it you're my babysitter for the night – " she praises herself for how strong she sounds.

It was a compromise she'd made with her brother - she could continue her shifts as long as a wolf was always patrolling behind the hospital. Carlisle had agreed, as well as agreed to switch to nights so he was there as well. To Noelle it was too much, but she wasn't about to argue with supernatural beings. After all she was human, so she didn't really have any sway. And if it made things easier on her brother and the pack, then she'd do it.

" No, one of the pups is, I just erm. I need to talk to you – "

She nods as she finally brings her eyes back to those pain filled obsidian ones and drags in a soft hiss between her teeth.

" About what ? "

" About us Elle – " he sighs softly as he congeals to his true height, her eyes tracing upwards as he does till her head is tilted completely back. Honestly these wolves were going to give her a constant neck crink. " Look if you want to just be friends, i'll do that. And if you want to go ahead and marry your fiance, I will stand idly by and let you do that. It will kill me but i'll do it. "

Pearl white teeth sink into the flesh of her bottom lip as she stares at him, his pain like an open book for her to read. But she can also see the conviction in his words - he was willing to once more move aside for her. He was once more willing to break himself for her and she hated it. Hated that because of him originally, they were in this situation.

" Daryl and I ended things – " her hand comes up to stop any words he was going to say. " But that doesn't mean i'm willing to jump into whatever supernatural thing is between us, Paul. There is too much between us now that we have to navigate. So I don't need a lover, what I need, what I think we both need. Is a friend."

A shuddering breath flows out of her lips as she manages to hide her insecurities - mostly she didn't know if Paul would even still love her. He said he did but how could he, it had been six years and she wasn't the girl she was when she left. She wasn't the girl who he had broken - after all that girl wouldn't have hit him in the face. But more than that, her dream was still lingering on the edge of her mind, of how unloveable she was.

And she couldn't risk giving out her love once more, and for it to turn tainted in it's return. Yes Paul held her heart but she could reserve her love. So a friendship was the safest thing she could offer him right now, it was all she could offer him as she learnt to heal from everything. As the two of them learnt who they were now.

" Okay. Friends it is. "

His wide smile was enough to make her regret speaking the words but she manages to keep her control, instead she reaches into her pocket and tosses him the keys to her car. If he was here he might as well drive her to work and hand her over to the protection of the wolf that was no doubt patrolling around the hospital already. After all her shift started in half an hour.

" Erm, have you found out anything about the leech ? " the question is poised with fake innocence wrapped wholly around curiosity and as she watches Paul's lips twitch, she knows she didn't hide it well enough. After all they all witnessed her vehement defence of that little girl last night.

" Not yet, the fucker is toying with the treaty line and keeps coming and going in both territories. " A growl was wrapped around his words and Noelle lifted an eyebrow as she hears it, it wasn't hard to notice he was not a fan of leeches.

" So what is the coven of death doing to help ? "

It was probably cruel to say that given she was about to work with Carlisle who had been nothing but kind to her, but she's thankful he's not the mind reader of his coven. So that gave Noelle the blessing that hopefully, only her and Paul would ever know that she spoke those words.

" They're patrolling their side and right now it's all we can do – " his huff is not what she wanted to hear and as his heated hand settles on her thigh, she snaps her eyes towards him. " Don't worry 'Elle, we'll make sure the leech doesn't get a hold of any more children. You have our vow, you have my vow, on that. "

" I know – " she breathes, her smaller hand settling over his as she squeezes softly. " I have more faith in the pack than the coven of death. "

It was a ploy to ease the situation, and too soon she sees the hospital appearing through the mirror and she works to collect herself. To slip into nurse mode so she could get through the shift and hopefully not have to come face to face with any more supernatural problems. She could already feel herself itching to see the girl, to make sure she had survived the day and was on her way to recovery - and she still couldn't explain why she cared so much.

As he parks the car in the nurses parking, her eyes cut over to the forest and she blinks as she notes two luminescent eyes staring back at her. A shot of fear runs up her spine before it's soothed away. She knew she would always be scared of the wolves, but she was starting to come to terms with them. Slowly. Climbing from the car, she waves in a way that was inconspicuous before meeting Paul at the front of the impala.

" Shay is on patrol. So if you need us, for anything, even if Dr. Leech is freaking you out. Just shout at him and we'll be there. "

" Don't worry, i'll be fine. Now go, Shay has my back and i've got patients waiting – "

Honestly, she had to give herself props for how easy she was faking the fact that she was okay. And even as she watches Paul run off to the forest, she can still feel the remnants of a smile lifting the corner of her lips. Whilst stuff was nowhere near better, she was working on it. She had to let a lot go, including her hate and pain before she could truly enjoy everything.

But that wasn't a fight for today.

- ʚɞ - ʚɞ - ʚɞ -

A / N : Reviews are love and highly appreciated. Please and thank you.