Second Person Twenty-Seven

Mark. Derek. Addison. Meredith. Long ago, the four people lived together in harmony. But then, everything changed, when Derek and Mark finally attacked. They attacked you with their words like knives for 'killing their baby without ever telling them'. They both gang up and blame you for it. Even though it was only, sort of really Mark's baby. It was sort of really Derek's business at the time, too, though.

Because it was still an adulterous love child. Or a non-love child. Whatever. You don't care.

Either way they call you a bunch of names that don't end with McHot as the interns call you sometimes when they think you cannot hear.

(Actually, it's only really Alex Karev that calls you McHot sometimes. You think he has a thing for you, but either way, it's not Meredith Grey saying it, at all...)

From Mark and Derek there are many choice nicknames. McBitch. McBitchy. Satan. Adulterous Whore. Red The Slut. The Passive-Agressiva-Queen.

All of it is supposed to be breaking you down. And this time you mostly only have the memory of Meredith's comforting words to build you back up again.

You don't know how she does it. Meredith, that is. How she walks this fine tightrope of placating her boyfriend and her boyfriend's best friend while still making you feel that you matter as something more than for them.

Meredith does though. She makes you feel worthy of something. Friendship. Kindness. Grace?

She can't offer you forgiveness because it's not her forgiveness to give. But she forgives you, at least, she says, for what you've done to her when you walked through the doors of Seattle Grace.

When you walked in that fateful day long ago, to Derek saying he's sorry to Meredith for your utter existence as if it's you who's the problem and not his behavior. Which you suppose you can't blame him for, either. Because it's tit for tat, right?

(Ha- of course, you would think 'tit')

Even though it's not like that.

Well, it sort of is, but only inside your head.

Only when you saw this gorgeous blonde waiting for him and you wanted to meet her.

Only when you heard her name and it sounded pretty.

Only when you went to shake her hand and already felt sparks.

They can insult you to pieces and it still hurts even though you're over them.

Meredith can tell that you're hurting but she doesn't risk approaching you when Derek or Mark could be lurking.

You don't hate or for that, and you don't want her to end up getting hurt for your sins, anyhow.

But as it turns out, you might not be the only one to fall pregnant with an adulterous love child.

Meredith has been throwing up for weeks now, and you try not to notice. But it's hard when it's your expertise and you always see her run off to the washroom as you still sometimes go off to eat chocolate together.

She tells you she has the worst stomach bug ever. She says it's still going on. You take care of Meredith when she is sick and with you and you now keep Gatorade and vegetable soup permanently stocked up in your office.

Sometimes she comes to find you when she feels really, really, really, unwell. You hope to think that it's not her subconscious knowing what you do and that she's in, on paper, the best hands there is.

It's sort of true, not to brag, but you're the only OB-GYN in her friend sphere. But she hasn't talked to you about pregnancy so you're not sure if she imagines that's what it is.

She's screeching in pain though, sometimes. And when Meredith finally starts screaming how much it hurts, you tell her she probably needs to be admitted to the hospital, to be examined professionally.

Meredith nods at you weakly. She's pale and riddled with sweat. Your excursions have turned mostly into her hiding out with you in your office, drinking tiny sips of fluids and needing a banana bag in her arm for when it gets really, really, really, bad.

(You've started to stockpile those for your office, as well).

Meredith tells you she thinks it's still just a virus. Or the flu. Or maybe some sort of parasite? But you know that she's grasping at straws here. She's not lying to you- not on purpose, anyway.

She's saying what she desperately wants to believe is really true. Meredith doesn't want to think she could be with child. So she rationalizes all the other explanations.

You get it. You get it better than anyone. You told everyone you had food poisoning for three months when it happened to you.

She doesn't ask you to page Derek when she's in a patient room with a plastic bracelet on her arm and she's been assigned a chart.

So you don't, even though you tell Meredith it's only a matter of time before he finds her out, anyway.

Meredith is technically your patient, because of the nature of what you do, and you're grateful at least it gives you some reason to be hanging out.

You can't be around always, so sometimes you send Mark Sloan in, instead, to keep her company as another friend, at least.

Meredith greets him with a bright-eyed "McSteamy!" And he says to her, all the time... "How is my favorite dirty mistress!" But it's a kind thing, now. That's their little joke between them.

You begged Mark to be nice to Meredith for you, even if he wasn't ready to be your friend again after what happened.

He said yes, and you are sort of thinking it's because he misses having a female friend to really talk to, and you know from experience what a good friend she is.

It makes you jealous when Mark spends some more time with Meredith. It makes Derek jealous too, you can still tell when he's jealous after all of these years. Whatever. Derek will get over it. Mark is not going to screw his new girlfriend after all.

Meredith promised you this. And you made Mark promise you this. It was the last thing he promised you before he mostly stopped talking to you at all for two months.

You want to just hop into bed and snuggle all of Meredith's pain away. But you're officially her doctor now. So you actually can't.

And people walk by all the time and you are afraid of what other people would say. Mostly because you like your most emotionally intimate friendship to be sacred with only her, still.

And you like the idea of her wanting to spend time away, as an escape with you, not in front of all of your mutual friends and also enemies.

One time you walk by and you see Meredith Grey holding onto that ring in her finger. It wasn't your suggestion. It might not even be her intension.

But she's holding onto your old ring like she's been holding on to you. And you're holding onto a whole scrapbook of RiteAid receipts and business cards from all the chocolate you shared like you were holding onto her, in return.

You hide that book of Meredith memorabilia along with your diary far up on the bookshelf with your diary. Whenever you see Derek visit Meredith in her patient room, you walk away quickly.

She hasn't told him she might be actually pregnant yet. You hope to God for her sake if she really is 'with child' that it's his- because you know from experience what having a kid with someone you're not currently dating is like.

It would probably technically still be an adulterous love child because it could be very well from before you and Derek got a divorce.

But either way, no matter that, no matter how much you hate this situation... You still hope if Meredith is pregnant that it's Derek's and not anyone else's.

Your ex-husband is a good man. He could be a decent father, for the most part, you think.

And you don't want to think of Meredith having screwed yet another person who was not you while dating Derek. Not when you turned down a chance at kissing her just to not make her a cheater.

But you banish the thought again. Because even if Meredith is a cheater on her own time, you still wouldn't want her to add you to a hypothetical list of people other than Derek she's kissing on. (Which, you know probably doesn't exist, but you still think about that, sometimes as you lie awake at night.)

Even if you can't be part of a solution all of the time, you won't be a proponent of more of Meredith's problems.

You're waiting on the results of the pregnancy tests and bloodwork to come back. You put a rush on her labs. You can do this because you are an Attending.

You put on your bravest face and you ask the technician for the file for Doctor Meredith Grey. You still call her that because she's earned it even while being a patient.

You wait for ages for him to file it, and for you to get it back, and for you to sign for it.

Normally you let an intern run your labs, but you'd never trust anyone, not even the chief, or even Miranda Bailey, with these specific ones.

You want to deliver Meredith Grey's fate directly to her even if the last thing you ever give her is the honest bad news.

Because you want to be there in the moment her life either changes or doesn't.

But of course, even a negative pregnancy result at this point...

Would probably change her life, anyway.

-Addison Montgomery

In her personal diary. This time she is waiting on the labs to come back and hiding away in the janitor's closet nearest to the technician desk. She doesn't notice it's ironic she's literally hiding inside a closet.

****** END OF CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Author's Note:

Heya friends, yes there is more :D.

So, I've started storyboarding this one, so I'm going in a direction, at least.

That could all change in an instant though, as any story can.

Let me know your thoughts on this plotline, and where you'd like to see it go on from here.

A few people have expressed that just the MerAdd friendship with unrequited love is really nice and powerful.

A few people have expressed they want MerAdd to get together eventually.

Many people have just left notes saying they want more and I love that, too.

Cannot wait to hear your reactions.

Take care!

bobbiejelly

And of course, onto the dedications:

Ao3:

LordOfLezzies you are the MVP for commenting on EVERY CHAPTER! Thanks to Arahneia for the lovely words and Also, of course, thanks to AddisonAddek and LordOfLezzies, all on Ao3

AddisonAddek for wanting more and commenting (a heck-ton) today, plus LordOfLezzies (also, because you're super) and Hotgitay who commented on Chapter 1.

Arahneia, AddisonAddek, Dragoncatcher123, LordofLezzies, and Hotgitay as well as 1 guest left kudos on this work! 1 subscription, 152 hits so far. 98 comments.

Fanfiction:

smountain for the lovely review. 646 views.

Wattpad:

Comments and suggestions from Eleven_256, and naylorholby always make my day.

Thanks for the most WONDERFUL shout-out comment from JordynMarie05.

myfairlilymunster for the comments on Chapter 1.

danielaperezsurga, JordynMarie05, Unicornbaby78, myfairlilymunster, outlawqueenpercabeth, naylorholby, AddisonAddek, and probably some others who don't show up on my phone, voted on this, thanks. 348 reads, 21 comments, and 129 stars.

Also THANKS to everyone else who reads this someday, and to a friend in 'real-life' who beta'ed this for me. Much love.

Ps. Two new MerAdd fics are up:

New Honeymoon In Hawaii Pillow Talk Buzzkill

Feel free to check them out, hopefully after you leave a note, and have a great day!

bobbiejelly