Chapter Seventeen: That's the Worst Thing I've Ever Heard
First things first, I'm sorry I haven't been updating much this week. Apparently moving plus finishing school plus family being in town equals less time for writing. After next week, I'll be on summer break and all done moving, so my updating schedule should be more consistent after then.
Also, thank you for your reviews on the last chapter! I love that we have so many Glacier shippers here! :)
If you don't like gay ships...I don't know what to tell you. I myself am bi, and all of my stories have at least one same-sex relationship in them. I'll always put warnings at the beginning for any suggestive content, but I'm not gonna make a 'trigger warning' for two boys kissing in a T-rated story, just like I wouldn't make a 'trigger warning' for a straight couple kissing in a T-rated story.
Alright, now for some notes on this chapter...
Okay...so...I don't know what this is...
...yes I do. This is garbage. Don't read it. You have been warned.
I mentioned in the last chapter that Lloyd was writing a Fritz Donnegan fan fiction while drunk, and CaptainSteve1 wanted to hear Lloyd's story, so I wrote a Fritz Donnegan fan fiction while drunk.
I wish I was kidding.
Also, I have been keeping Greenflame platonic only, and will continue to do so, but a huge part of that Fritz fanfic was Lloyd gushing over Kai (probably because I'm always gushing over Kai) and I thought it was hilarious so I left it in. Again, any Greenflame in this story will be one-sided, and it definitely won't be a main plot point after Lloyd sobers up.
Content Warning: Strong language (lots of f-bombs), mentions of sex (in Lloyd's story only—mostly just Lloyd being a thirsty drunk idiot), adult humor. All in a joking manner.
This sort of chapter will be a one-off or two-off only. The rest of my story will be just like the previous sixteen chapters. Meaning, more family-friendly, more structured, less...terrible.
I do not condone underage drinking. Do as I say, not as I do. I rarely drink, and when I do, I'm safe and responsible about it.
Enjoy this trash, if you can.
"Give it to me!"
"No! I'm not done!"
Jay reached over and grabbed Lloyd's phone out of his hands.
"Jay!" The blond whined. "Give it back!"
Jay scrambled away from the drunk idiot and began reading what the green ninja had been typing. "'Fritz Donnegan was an intergalactic space hero.'" He shrugged. "Well, that much is accurate."
"Jayyyyyy! Stop it!"
The redhead continued. "'One day he went to another planet where he met a lovely couple. He got jealous because he wished he had somebody to love like that.' Aww, Lloyd, that's sweet!"
"I will fucking kill you."
"'Fritz didn't have time for love. Well, he didn't have time for a relationship. But he definitely had time to fall in love. Problem is, that love was always unrequited. Just like—'"
Lloyd frantically reached for his phone. "Jay, I swear to the Ultimate Spinjitzu Master…"
Kai tilted his head. "You swear to yourself?" He rolled his eyes. "Gosh, you are drunk. I'm gonna go find Cole and Zane." He threw a glance at the green ninja as he left. "Don't do anything stupid. Or, stupider."
After Kai headed off down the hall, Jay started reading the story again. "'Just like...me and Kai.'" He paused. "'R.I.P. my nonexistent relationship.'" He looked up at Lloyd, who was blushing furiously. "Wait, you like Kai?"
His green eyes drifted to the floor. "I–I'm drunk," he stuttered. "Issa joke."
Jay chuckled. "Okay, whatever you say." As much as he didn't believe Lloyd, he was too engrossed in the story to argue at the moment. "'Fritz was invited into the couple's house. They were a lovely gay couple and their names were Zane and Cole.'"
"You're writing fanfiction about Zane and Cole?" Nya asked. "I love that! That's hilarious."
"What?" Lloyd whined. "They make a cute couple!"
"I can tell," Jay said. "'Zane was a Nindroid. Cole was a human. But their love transcended all boundaries.' Aww, Lloyd!" He ruffled the blond locks.
Lloyd pushed his hand away. "Screw off, Jay."
The blue ninja turned his attention back to the story. "'Cole and Zane were a very nice couple. Fritz was impressed with their beautifully decorated house—I mean, Zane was literally programmed to be basically perfect so of course their house was nice. Fritz was even more jealous when he heard them smashing in the other room'—?" Jay's eyes widened in surprise as he read the last part, phrasing it as a question.
"Oh, come on," Lloyd said in defense, glaring at him indignantly. "What do you think they're doing?"
"Probably talking, Lloyd," Nya suggested. "Not everyone's as wasted as you are."
"Guys, listen to this! '"I wish I had someone to smash like that," he muttered to himself.'" Jay could barely get the words out, he was laughing so hard. "'Me too, Fritz. Me too.' I love how you inserted author's notes into your fic!"
Nya shot the blond a teasing look. "Aww, is quarantine making our little green ninja horny?"
Lloyd buried his reddening face in a pillow. "Shut up!"
"Okay, Jay, keep reading!" The water ninja ordered.
"'Zane and Cole sounded like they were having the best time in the world. Fritz wanted to join them, but he didn't know if they'd be down for that kind of shit, so he didn't say anything.'" He burst into laughter once again, echoed by Nya.
"He did not write that!"
"Oh, yes, he did! Damn, poor Fritz." He eyed the minor. "Wait, do you wish you could join them?" He asked jokingly.
Lloyd folded his arms. "Do you have a death wish?"
"Not particularly." The redhead shrugged. "Anyway, let's find out what our poor sad boi Fritz does next." He turned his attention back to the story. "'Instead he spent forty-five minutes daydreaming about Kai.'"
Lloyd's green eyes widened in panic as Jay continued.
"'Holy shit. Do I have a crush on Kai?'" He read.
The green ninja made another grab at his phone. "Jay stop it! Don't read that! Pleeeeease!"
The redhead held the phone out of his reach, jumping off the couch and standing a few feet away as Lloyd drunkenly tripped over himself trying to retrieve it. "'Nooooo I don't. No fuckin' way. He's too strict. He doesn't let me drink. But Cole gave me alcohol anyway so screw you Kai!'"
"JAY! I'm gonna fucking murder your ass!"
Jay ran to the kitchen as Lloyd pursued him, yelling out the words on the screen as he tried to evade the angry blond. "'Kai is hot. Get it? Cause he's the master of fire and everything? Yeah yeah, back to the story.'"
Nya doubled over with laughter. "Oh my gosh! That's priceless!"
"JAY SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
"'Cole ran off a few minutes ago because he got pissed at Kai and Zane ran after him.'" He looked up from the phone. "Is that the story or real life?"
Lloyd sighed. "I don't even know anymore! I'm drunk, Jay. Now give me my phone back!"
"Uh uh uh," Jay said, climbing onto the kitchen counter. "Not until I'm done reading. 'Fritz thought about his crush back home. He was gorgeous—tall, spiky brown hair, beautiful brown eyes that he could get lost in. Too bad that crush of his had a freakin girlfriend. Ugh.'"
The master of energy started climbing onto the counter after him. Nya jumped up from where she was sitting in the living room and bolted over, grabbing Lloyd by his waist and pulling him down.
"Oh, no, you don't! That would not end well."
"Nya!" The wasted boy whined. "Tell your stupid boyfriend to give me my phone back!"
She shook her head. "Nah, I wanna hear this just as much as he does." She looked back up at Jay. "Go on."
"'Zane and Cole came out from the bathroom where they were having'—Lloyd...no. Just, no."
"You're the one who wanted to read it!" Lloyd reminded him, rolling his eyes.
Jay shrugged. "Eh, it's worth it. This is absolute gold. '"Hello, Fritz," Cole greeted. "Sorry to have kept you waiting." He glanced at his boyfriend lovingly. Fritz started whining. "Why can't I have a boyfriend?" He asked, frustrated.' What a mood."
"Seriously," Nya agreed.
"'Zane looked at him. "Do you have someone in mind?" He asked. The Nindroid was incredibly smart—he could basically read Fritz's mind. The intergalactic space hero sighed. "His name is Kyle," he responded. "He's the elemental master of hotness, so it's no wonder he's very hot. I'd smash in a heartbeat."' Wait, is that...is that supposed to be Kai?"
Lloyd slapped his palm to his forehead, groaning.
"Kyle!" Nya shrieked. "I'm gonna start calling Kai that with no context."
The blond glared at her. "Do you wanna die, too?"
She shrugged. "If Jay goes, I'm going with him."
"'Zane smiled knowingly. "I get the pun. Cole here is the master of earth, and he gets me hard as rock!"' LLOYD!" Jay laughed so hard he almost fell off the counter.
Nya was literally rolling on the floor. "That's the worst thing I've ever heard!"
"Then don't fucking read it!" Freed from Nya's grasp, he made another attempt to take back his phone. "Are you done?"
The master of lightning smirked down at his drunk friend. "I'm just getting started!"
If you made it this far...I'm sorry.
Was that fanfic-ception?
Drunk Lloyd is my spirit animal.
There's more where that came from, but I'll only post it if y'all want me to.
Happy Pride Month!