Korra
I don't have to double check to see if I'm at the right house, because I can see Asami's car in the driveway. The reason why I didn't have her pick me up, was the fact I had school work to finish. With the break coming up, I've been slacking. Usually, I'm at least two days ahead on my studies. But life isn't just about school after all.
I will say, the only downside of having dinner at her grandmother's place, was I didn't get to see Diane Nancy. What was once a hassle, became a missed moment on my travel towards Asami's home.
I look at myself in the reflection of the door's gate. Brushing off any wrinkles that had most likely formed on my commute here. Her grandmother doesn't have a neighborhood. It's sort of like a small little house in the middle of the open. I wonder if the pros out weight the cons, of not having people living around you, as I wait.
The door opens, and I'm met with an elderly man. I wished the first thing I done, was put on a smile. But instead, I'm focused on this man, sweating profusely. While holding a steaming mug, of what appears to be tea. He gives me a smile, showing me all his seven teeth.
"Welcome. I'm Iroh." He says, while taking a sip of his drink.
"Nice to meet you. I'm Korra. Asami didn't tell me I would be meeting her grandfather too." I state, which creates a hearty chuckle from the old man. "I'm not her grandfather. I'm the boyfriend. Of her grandmother of course. I think I'm way too out of Asami's league." He teases, while opening the door wide enough for me to enter.
"Asami your guest is here." The man calls out, while I awkwardly stand holding the apple pie my mom forced me to bring over. "That looks delicious." Iroh, says, while taking the pie from me.
"How did you know I had a sweet tooth?" He says, flashing me his crooked smile.
"I just got a hunch." I tease back, while trying not to be awkward about being in a home, with Asami nowhere in sight. Okay, I spoke too soon. Because here comes the lady of the hour, rushing down the halls. "I'm not ready yet, but let her in..."
As I stand there, my eyes are forced upon a red poka dot dress. I've never seen her in such a bold color before. Usually, she wears a subtle color. A color that doesn't draw much attention but always brings out here emerald eyes. Her hair has more volume despite her natural waves. Which tells me she probably altered it somehow. With one peal earring in, and the other in her hand. I'm dumbfounded at how amazing she looks.
I've been around enough clothing to know if an outfit is well designed or not. But looking at her, she makes the entire ensemble . If it was anyone else wearing this, it would just be an eye catcher with the color. But her..she owns this look. And I doubt I will ever look at anyone the same in anything similar again.
"You're here." She says, while walking towards me, to bring me into a hug. I've to collect myself from my appreciation, to return the hug. But once I do, It becomes easier.
"You look great!" I state, which gets her to blush.
"Do you mean that?"
I nod very confidently. "Absolutely. I feel like I could've stepped my game up a bit." She steps back to examine my outfit, similar to what my mother does after she creates me a new piece. I find myself getting nervous at such an intense glaze on my body.
"I'm glad your mom kept with the layering. We debated with each other for awhile about it. Your waist just naturally stands out the best with this cut." She replies, which causes me to blush now. "Let me just finish up real quick, and I'll be out in a jiffy. Make yourself at home." She replies, before racing back down the hall.
I take a seat in the living room, while Iroh stares at me from the opposite chair. "So, how long have you and her grandmother been together?" I ask, out of small talk.
"A month now. I own a tea shop." He says, with another giant smile.
I nod, and place my attention onto the numerous family aren't many photos of Asami as a baby on the wall, but the ones of her she does have, are just as adorable.
I'm sure my mama would be quite amused at seeing her new favorite person, at such a young age. Probably going the extra mile to compare mine, with her's. Something I wouldn't be too fond of, if you ask me.
"Iroh!" I hear a woman call out in the background. The old man, happily stands up, and the woman enters the room. Realizing this woman has the be the owner of the home, I stand up too. Which causes her to look up at me, given how she has to be around 5'2 at best.
"Hello, I'm Korra. Nice to meet you, Miss." I state, with a little wave. I would opt for a handshake, but she's looking at me strangely . Not in disgust, but in disbelief in a way.
She quickly collects herself, then puts on a more stern demeanor. Like a military officer, trying to get down to business. "Good Evening, I'm glad you found your way here."I try not to make a face at such an odd response, but everything about this woman's reaction towards me, was odd.
She then places her attention on to Iroh.
"I need your help with cutting some potatoes ." She states.
"I can help, if you'll like." I offer, given how Iroh seems to be on the slow side when it comes to movement. And who knows how long Asami will be out, I could be useful. "No, we got it. You can try sitting. Dinner will be ready very soon." She replies, without looking at me, but dashing towards the kitchen again.
I sit back down on the couch, and wait patiently.
My first impression of Asami's grandmother is, she's a very short woman. Blonde/grey hair. Blue eyes just like her son. Seems to be on the bossy side, but she could be hiding her caring smells delicious, so I'm confident she's a great cook too.
As I continue to wait, the front door opens. I turn around to see who it is, and it's the man I saw at the homecoming game. The man that Asami anxiously wanted me to meet. It's her father.
He doesn't see me, but he takes off his feather hat. Asami told me he's a mechanic, so I was expecting to see him in coveralls. But instead, I'm met with a guy with a clean shave, brown pants, and a mustard colored well fitted collared shirt. He's not as tall as my father, nor big. But the hard work he must put into his shop, is showed in the definition of his body. I heard he was in the Army. Which is shocking to know, because most folks back from the war, gain weight once they've kids. But this man, clearly knows how to stay in shape.
Even though he doesn't see me, I feel obligated to make my presence known. I end up unintentionally startling him, causing him to clench his chest, which is amusing to see. Given how this man has been to war, but can't handle a hello.
"I'm sorry." I say, while he finally puts on a smile.
"No, don't be. You must be Korra." He says, walking away from the door and over to me to shake my hand. Despite him working with cars all the time, his hands are soft.
"It's nice to finally put a name to a face. My daughter talks about you alot." He says, eagerly.
I nervously laugh.
"I hope all good things."
"They're always good things, It would be even better if she stopped enough, to talk about her grades." He playfully replies.
He takes the seat Iroh was occupying before he was called into duty, then crosses his legs while starring at me, with a giant smile. I'm not sure if it's a men thing around here, but these smiles are making me feel uncomfortable. Or it could be due to the fact, I've never seen a white man not look at me in disgust before.
"My daughter tells me, your old man owns that corner store in town."
I nod. "Yes, that's true."
"I think it's a great place. I would say the most well stocked place in this entire town if you ask me. I've been there a handful of times, never knew the owner was your father."
"I never knew anyone not know that before. I'm sort of known around my community."
He stares at me with so much fascination, that I wished I had Iroh's tea to sip and place my attention onto. Luckily, the awkwardness is short lived, when Asami makes her way into the living room.
"Ah. My lovely daughter is here." He says, getting up to give her a kiss on the forehead. She embarrassingly blushes, telling her father to relax with the smothering before taking the seat beside me on the couch. She doesn't even move away, when our arms are literally on top of each other. "Has she met my mother?" He asks, directly to his daughter.
"I don't know, have you?" Asami asks me.
I give another nervous laugh. "Briefly. She seemed sort of intimidated by my company, if you ask me. It could be because i'm tall though." I reply, which gets the father and daughter to laugh.
"I doubt that was the only reason. I'll be frank with you, Korra. You seem like someone that's very aware of what's going on." Harry starts. "My mother can be set in her ways. Not just in her ways, but ways I'm sure you're familiar with from people like us. Truthfully, you're probably the first and only colored person she has ever had in her home."
Even though I can't see Asami's facial expression, I can feel her arm tense up while her father speaks. I wished she wasn't so worried about me. I feel much more comfortable with her father at least being honest.
"Oh. I didn't doubt that one bit." I reply, which gets him to laugh.
"Sami wasn't lying, you are funny. You don't have to worry about anything while you're here. Asami and I will see to it, that you aren't uncomfortable during this. If you want to leave, just let us know and we'll get you home." He reassures, which was very sweet of him.
I look forward to this dinner.
Asami
Dinner seems to be off to a good start.
We're having a pot roast, which my grandmother let marinate for the past two days. Korra's sitting across from me, and she seems to be enjoying her meal. My grandmother hasn't said one word yet, but I did catch her staring at Korra with almost approval. When she took the time to personally pray over her food. My father and I aren't the religious type. Estelle goes to church sometimes, and wished we would at least attempt a relationship with God. But that's just not how my father and I are. And she has accepted that. But seeing her watch Korra's dedication to her faith, must have given her points in her book at least.
"Have you always lived here?" Korra asks my father, who's very happy to answer.
"Yes, Ma'am. I'm a southern boy at heart."
"A troublemaker at heart too." Estelle adds.
"Grandma, tell Korra about the time Dad nearly blew his arm off."
"Now. Now. We don't want to scare out guests." Harry replies, trying not to be exposed for the heathen he was, and still is.
" Okay. How about we talk about how you nearly scared your father and I...By nearly blowing off your arm." My grandmother counters, which gets us to laugh.
"Please tell, I would love to hear the story." Korra says, which gets Estelle to smile a little.
"So. My lunatic of a son, was obsessed with building. You should see his room now. It's filled with cars, planes, and just gadgets of God knows what everywhere. Any who, he thought he could build a rocket shop."
"Thought? I did!" My father interrupts, but his mother just shushes him.
"He got this crazy idea that he could carve a rocket ship out of would. Which he did perfectly. I'll give you that. But one day, he comes to me rushing into the the bedroom saying. 'Ma, I'm about to send my rocket to space. Want to watch?' I was too busy getting his father ready for work. So, I told him I would have to miss his takeoff."
My father covers his face with his hands, clearly embarrassed. But the look of amusement on Korra's, makes me glad I have such a wild father to share his antics with. Estelle seems to like the attention she's getting, explaining this story. It's the closest thing of an interaction between Korra and her, the entire dinner.
" Now. I'm in the house. Hearing this nine year old child give his countdown in the middle of the damn day. That was expected. But what I didn't expect, was the sight of smoke through the window. When I saw that this child attached fireworks to his wooden rocket. I couldn't have screamed loud enough."
"Fireworks!?" Korra asks, in disbelief.
"Yes! Fireworks." Estelle replies, keeping the people who haven't heard this story on the edge of their seats. "My husband wasn't even dress yet, but my scream caused him to rush outside. Bare ass and all, and remove our child from the firework just as they were going off. My poor husband still had the scars of takeoff, all over his backside. And you know what this crazy boy said after everything?"
"What?" Korra asks, with suspense.
"I think I should've chosen a better conductor."
After that part, everyone burst into laughter. Even my father is also amused by his past words.
"I think you were on to something." Korra tells my father, who laughs louder and agrees. "If only you were there to push me in the right direction. I think I needed the extra brains." He teases.
"I'm glad he chose cars, I couldn't deal with anymore fires." Estelle adds, while wiping her own tears from laughing so hard.
"Did you work with cars in the Army?" She asks, which changes the tone of the conversation quickly. "Yes, I did!"
"He created the first version of what we know as a Jeep." I brag, which he hates when I do. I understand he's humble, but what he created has changed the world of vehicles in the military.
"I didn't create it, I just added a feature that enhanced their potential." He defends.
"Still, it's a pretty big deal." I argue.
"How long were you in, you seem pretty young." Korra says to him.
"I was station in China in 35. I stayed a bit longer, because I really enjoyed the difference I was making there. This was way before Germany even invaded Poland, so it was no rush. I was sent there to help fix vehicles left during the past wars. I was in for five years after that."
"Did you not want to stay longer? Korra asks, curious.
"I was honorably discharged due to the Jeep feature my daughter speaks so highly of." He replies giving me a wink.
"But if you had the option, would you've stayed. Or was the birth of Asami that same year too much for you to be away from?"
The room becomes silent.
I wasn't expecting her to add up the years like this. I know she doesn't see how shocking this is, but these are uncharted waters.
"Actually. Now thinking about it. If Asami was born in October of 1940, you had to at least be back in the states by then. But from your words, it's like you never left China." She says, speaking out loud.
"You know talking over someone's life is..." My father interrupts, his offended mother and I can tell Korra feels guilty. This is a sensitive topic for everyone, including my grandmother. She never liked the fact my father had a child with someone she didn't know, or from of a different race. But when she saw me for the first time, she fell in love. It was one of those exception things. Which is just...
My father begins to speak again.
"I was able to come back to the states once, while deployed. I hitched a ride with one of my helicopter buddies, and flew back home for Valentine's Day. Asami's mother was named Valerie. She had the most gorgeous green eyes. Just look at my daughter's." He says, thrilled.
Even though he seems happy talking about this, I find myself starring down at my plate, not feeling hungry anymore.
I continue to listen as my father speaks with pride, about how my mother worked at a farmer's market. How as a teen he would purposely eat up the food in the house, just to be sent to the market to see her. I listen to the fabricated stories of a woman I never met, but is still much apart of me. Listens, as he explains how similar my mother is to me. How unsure I am, not knowing if this is a fact or part of his story. I listen to the point, I finally raise my head and see how happy Korra is hearing these things.
Hearing these lies.
All of which, makes me want to curl into a ball.
Korra
Dinner was better than I expected, everyone seemed to love my mother's apple pie. Of course, Estelle gave some feedback, just out of entitlement. But she seemed to lighten up to me towards the end.
"Thank you for dinner again." I tell each and everyone, as I pull them into a hug. Iroh once again encourages me to come by his shop anytime. Knowing the location of his building, I know that's very unlikely anytime soon. But I appreciate the offer.
Harry pulls me into a huge hug, and tells me he would love to see me again soon. Estelle doesn't pull me into a hug like the others, but gives me a wave and thanks me for coming.
Everyone seems to be in a hurry. Her father has to work, I need to head home, and Estelle is spending the night at Iroh's.
It's tragic that such a great home, is about to become empty.
"You ready?" Asami asks, as she gets her car keys.
"Yep! Thanks again everyone." I express as we make our way out into the night. I rush over to the passenger side, and she starts up her car. It's odd, because she hasn't spoken much the entire dinner.
"Is everything okay?" I ask.
"Mhm. Why wouldn't it be? My family really likes you."
"I like them too. Did you enjoy yourself?"
"I did. It made me happy seeing everyone connect with each other. It was a fun time."
We continue driving, and I look out the window because you can really see the stars, being out of town and all. I still can't believe she walked this route at night alone. That was dangerous. But then again, she has always been fearless. And such adjective of her, always inspires me to be the same. I'm glad I accepted everything she gave me.
The car starts slowing down.
It's not like we're running out of gas, so I'm concerned. There isn't much of a road, It's just one long path with acres of grass surrounding us. Either way, we're parked in between them.
"I need to get some air." She says, looking down at her steering wheel.
"Now?" I ask, as she opens the car door which I've no choice but to follow.
Instead of walking down the dirt path, we're cutting through the field towards the trees.
I start to become nervous, remembering the last time I was surrounded by a similar scenery . But my concern for Asami, allows me to ignore my own fears. We come across a stream, much more steeper than the one we had our picnic near.
I take the time to consider how loud it is, despite us being the only two in this forest. With the sounds of crickets, water, and other factors that make a forest. You would think we were the quietest element here.
"Have you ever hated yourself, Korra. For things you can't help?" She asks. Her back is turned from me, so I've no idea what she means by this. So I try to understand."I wouldn't say hate, but I don't enjoy being helpless. Seriously, what is this all about?"
"Everything." She says, lowly. "Everyone is always debating skin, but I'm fighting with my own identity. Who am I?"
I try to walk closer to her, but she backs away. Like my presence is revolting. She puts her hands in her pocket, and looks up at the sky.I'm not sure if she's crying or fighting her tears, because she won't let me near her.
"I've been living a lie my whole life, and I'm tired of it." She takes something from her pocket, then holds it to her side."You were right at dinner, the timeline didn't add up. I forget how courageously smart you're. For most people, those facts go over their head. They hear your mother's dead, then the focus is on how sorry they feel for you. But not you. So, tell me. Could you see it before?"
I'm battling with processing her words, because I've no idea what she's talking about. I just know she's hurt. But something tells me, it has something to do with what she's holding. "Can I look at what's in your hand?" I ask, with a bit of hesitation. She nods, and I walk towards her to retrieve the folded object.
When I open it, I can finally get the answers I've been curious about. Not just the answer on why she's upset. But who she favors the most. There is no question of doubt of who this person is in this photo. She's almost the spitting image of Asami.
"Her real name is Yasuko. She worked in a market in China, and my father and her met while he was stationed there. She was kind, patient, and wanted me so desperately. That's all I know of her, and the stories my father tells me of her. I used to wonder if he made them up, so I wouldn't feel sad. Now, I'm pretty sure he does, given how easy it was for him to craft this Valerie woman tonight."
She's in tears.
"I thought I could brush it off like usual. But hearing his stories tonight, and seeing how happy you were listening to him speak. I couldn't let another person I care about, be apart of such lie." She sobs.
"Please don't cry."
"I lied to you, and you're focus on my tears!? I've been passing as white my entire life! How could you not see!?" She shouts, finally turning to me. I have never heard her raise her voice. And even though it's new for me, it still seems unnatural coming from her body.
This question troubles me too, because I should've seen it. I should've tried to understand more, but her passing isn't what I feel guilty on.
"You're right, I should've seen it. I should've saw you genuinely relating to how I feel. You known first hand, how it feels to not be accepted. But it's harder on you, because you're not even accepting yourself."
Her liquid filled eyes, looks at me confused."You've her eyes. She's beautiful." I reply, starring at the picture yet again.
"If she was so beautiful, why have I been confined to hide her from the world? My father loved her. How can I, with what I did to her? She died to bring me into the world, and I haven't made her apart of mine."
"That wasn't your fault, Asami."
"But lying to everyone is. I don't care if I lose friends. They were never with me before. I'm tired of playing it safe." She replies, taking a seat on a log, then burring her head into her lap.
She's so into her thoughts, she doesn't hear me creep and sit beside her.
I listen to the currents slip between the pebbles, because I've no idea how to comfort her in this state. She has been caring this hate for herself for so long, nothing I can say can put an end to her tears. But I've to at least try.
Try to get her tears to stop.
I can't fathom how confusing all of this was/ is for her. But I'm also glad someone I care about, didn't get the chance to experience the pain of being judge for something out of their control like me. It's a bittersweet feeling for me, and poison to her.
"I deserve to feel miserable all the time." She says to herself, which I don't allow.
"So you're saying, you deserve to be judged by your race?"
"Yes! Especially with how I've been living all these years."
Despite knowing where she's coming from, I'm offended.
"Listen to yourself! No one deserves to be judge by their skin. You're saying how others treat me and others like me is fair. You're telling me you deserve to be hated, for something out of your control. Who you are, is something you can't runaway from."
" Exactly! I'm not trying to run away anymore."
"But you are running away, Asami! You're running away from actually accepting yourself. You rather take the punishment of coming clean, than focusing on how you can benefit from it all. On how you already have. You've the gift of insight. That this whole system is just an illusion. That who you are, doesn't make any different, than who's beside you. Some part of you has to know you're special for more than your long kept secret. I see it."
"You're just saying that."
"I'm not! Because I'm no different than my white counterparts, because I judged you before getting to know you too!"
"That wasn't your fault, I don't look like how I should. And I can't claim something, I've no cultural experience in. I've no idea what Asia is like. Who my other side of the family is. Of If they even know about me. How can I accept that?"
" I don't know, but you at least have to accept yourself for what you already know. I can't imagine how lost it must feel, to not know where you belong. But I'm not ashamed of who I am. I'm fed up with what society has in store for me. But never my race. You're just hurting yourself, before the others can, when you pity yourself. And let's say you do tell the others. Where will you go? With us? There won't be a place for you either, I doubt."
She takes the time to think all this through.
"Do you think she would hate me for not embracing my suppressed culture? Or If I never wanted to learn about it?"
I ponder on this question, because if I was in her shoes, I would take the easy route and not focus on it. Pass as another race, and leave it be. But that's the thing, Asami isn't like me. She has always been the braver one out of us. That's why she's taking this so hard. She know's she strong enough to do what's right, but sometimes we don't have the choice to choose that option.
"...I think she would care more about if you were happy. Some things are out of our control. Which ironically makes the things we can control greater. To the point we become obsessive over it. I may not be able to be served places or treated right. But I can help how I go about it. Like getting the perfect grades, and staying on top of things. Those are how I control the system."
"And you're so brave for doing it. I've always envied that about you. You speak about how you're always worried, but the things you do are remarkable." I sigh, because before, I once thought that too. I thought I could ignore it all. All because I knew how silly those who used hate as a drive were. But those excuses I created for them, just caused me more harm. Because I was focusing on what I could control. And in reality, I can't control much. Especially when I was born into a world that's against me.
"But I lose track of my own feelings. Sometimes I want to get angry. To get even too. I know I've the physical strength to defend myself. The intelligence, to educate them on their ignorance. But what good would that do for me? What good would that do to my family? People are missing out on so many things, when their drive is hate. So many opportunities, so many experiences, so much.." I look up at the sky, at the lack of a moon tonight. But the stars create enough light, to drive anything home. Especially a message "..So much love." I finish .
I start to remember how helpless I felt, being paired with Asami. I had no option to object a partner. I was never given a choice in anything, in a matter. I'm always told to do something, and expected to do just that.
But a part of me personally had to choose to accept what felt right. Even when I was against it. I could've fought it all, but I didn't. Again with that, I had no choice. But it shows apart of me is strong. Strong enough to know, this feeling and what I've been feeling for awhile, is out of my control. A fear that I would be even more fearful to lose. The feeling of deep affection.
"Love?" She asks, referring to my previous statement.
"Yes!" I reply, now realizing I've been talking a little bit out of my own thoughts and feelings. " Sometimes I think about how unfortunate those who don't embrace such emotions are. Love is already a scary thing, why place other fearful things on top of that? Even the Bible says, you should Love Thy Neighbor. I find it hypocritical they don't follow such message. "
"Maybe they're afraid of being caught?" Asami adds, still looking out into the distance.
"With what I've been through, getting caught being a decent person doesn't sound too bad."
She finally turns to look at me, and I'm glad to see her tears are gone. Despite the lack of tears, her face holds an expression much stronger than solely sorrow. "I rather be caught with love." She states. The significance of her words, creates this newness in my heart. So new, fear fights with my happiness when I answer and admit," I rather be caught with you. " She doesn't take her eyes off me, when she says "That's exactly what I said." before pulling me into a kiss, that makes my heart beat louder, than the forest alone.
I want to tell her how wrong her thoughts of herself are. How I can understand her father's protection for hiding her mother's origin from others. If he knew the burden his daughter was forced to carry, I know he would've done a better job reassuring her she was more. If only he let her know, she didn't have to do it all alone. That I wasn't going to let her.
Her hand brushes against my thigh, which she dauntlessly pulls away from, only to have them brought back with my own hand. We have no trouble keeping balance on this piece of earth as we continue to touch one another. When she moves on top of me, I wrap her legs around my waist. I can feel my hand defrost from the coldness of the night, as I continuously run my hand along the side of her hip. Feeling my lower half fall asleep. I adjust from my original position without pulling my lips or her off of me. And the impact of my body landing back onto the mold of earth with force, causes the most lovely sound to exit out of her mouth. A sound of want, that makes me pull away, as we stare at each other. It's clear, neither one of us has felt this way before. And it's apparent, neither one of us want to forget it. "Not here."She says to me.
"You sure no one is here?" I ask. I know we're 100% alone, and my own family is probably worried about me. But I can always say I overslept, and be home in the morning before school starts.
I can still smell the scent of dinner lingering in the kitchen. As we make our way down the hallway, I start to get nervous. But when she stops to pull me into a kiss, I'm okay.
We finally enter the room and I examine the strange wall decor. If I didn't know any better, I would think this was a boy's room. You would think she would've taken me to her's, there are enough rooms to at least have a spare. However, my attention is placed elsewhere when she starts to slip out of her dress.
I start undressing as well, and in the process I end up tripping over a toy car. which sends me, crashing to the floor. Extremely frustrated, the sound of laughter, doesn't help either. "You think this is funny?" I ask, before finding my own clumsiness humorous too. "Let me help you." She says, as she helps me up, and takes the shirt from around my neck. Before she can make another humorous comment, I lift her off the ground. Where I can look into her eyes and say, "You're the only one I know, that has me falling over heels." She blushes, and I reconnect our lips and walk us over to the bed. When I lay her down against the red sheets, I can see the hunger and patience in her eyes. She starts running her hands up my toned belly, and I close my eyes, accepting the amazing feeling. Even though this has to be new territory for the both of us, I can't stop thinking about the risks we're putting ourselves in.
Never in a million years, did I ever see myself being with someone like this. The mere thought always seemed hang worthy. A rope around my neck, was a outcome sure to be.
Pushing such thought out of my head, I touch the side of her face. Noticing my palm alone, occupies the majority of her jawline, I start touching other features of her body, starting with her porcelain neck. How could anyone be killed for this? Killed for living and admiring someone they love? A love that clearly wasn't a choice. Men that kill because of this, are cowards. Try walking in my shoes, and I'll show you who a survivor is.
One of my biggest battles, was surviving this long without this.
Without her.
I tried for the longest, not to let my curiosity get the best of me. She was pretty for a white gal, but something about her, always stood out to me. Since freshman year, we always seemed to have at least one class together. We never spoke the first two years of high school, but something about this year changed everything. No one knows this, but she was the one that encouraged me to try out for Mako's original position on the football team. I remember staring at the tryout sheet after school one day, and her saying "Things are already shaking up around here, why not add a little more? Before walking pass me.
Ever since then, I couldn't keep her out of my mind. We started talking a little more, when no one was looking. Nothing serious, but nothing simple either. Just walking by each other in the halls, feels like a spark of electricity.
The only time I didn't feel that spark, was when she took that clown to homecoming. I know we both couldn't go together, but seeing someone you admire with someone else just does something to ya. I couldn't even look at her when we passed that night, but I could still feel my heart craving for her. Craving for our silent meaningful moments together again.
My sister would kill me if she found out about my attraction to her. The whole south would literally. No one knows how much pressure I'm under. I'm supposed to be the hometown hero for my people. Yet, I can't fight for my own right to do what my heart desires. The only person who can understand slightly, is Korra. That's why I'm so protective over here. We're the same. We understand the sacrifices, even when it comes to our wants. But... I just can't do that anymore, I can't keep playing a role.
I want to be me.
I need to be.
Having enough with my exploration, I bring my lips to her neck which pulls her away from the fascination of my abdomen. And for the first time in months, I get to recollect this lost feeling. The moments we missed, and could never experience fully. Those moments where she had to keep an extra distance, due to her family being suspicious. I collect every moment I can, because who knows when we'll have another moment longer than fifteen minutes. I start covering her body with endless marks. Placing them on places, I never get to see. Her skin bruises so easily, which creates more of a reason to send another kiss to them.
For once in my life, I'm not fearful of the repercussions of my actions. I live everyday in fear, I refuse to allow this longing joyful moments be another one. Her body rolls under me, and I can feel myself start to harden. Not wanting to get too carried away, I try to focus on touching and feeling her again. Allowing my appreciation of our rare time together, take over my helpless want.
When I feel her left hand touch the belt of my trousers, I pull away from her. Hopeful, she'll tell me to stop, but instead, she has this need in her eyes. "I love you, Sokka." She says, touching my arm.
"You do?"
She smiles and nods. "I always knew I did, but I want you to know."
Such confession, is nothing compared to any touchdown I've ever done. "I love you too." I answer.
She giggles, which is another rare thing, because she's always tough. But that's because she's always taking care of her siblings. But moments like these, I can always see her soft side.
Looking into her hazel eyes, I say "We should be careful." Emphasizing why we probably shouldn't indulge too much in our wants. I can even look at her, telling her this. Because it's too hard.
" Look at me."
"Sokka, Look at me." She says, again.
I look down at her, and she looks very determined. Not for herself, but for us. "We're always careful and we deserve this. Even if it's just one time."
"I want this too, but are you sure we're ready?"
"I don't know...but I think I would regret not at least trying with you." She says, while pulling me down into a very passionate kiss.
Allowing our own bodies to take over, she starts to undo my belt, while I lift off of her enough, to take off her undergarment. My heart is racing. Feeling satisfied enough, with just the closeness of our bare bodies together. We finally break away for air, and without me saying a word, she opens the drawer beside us and pulls out a condom. "I was hopeful my brother would have one in here." She says, without needing to explain more. I cover what's needed, and bring her closer to me.
Not thinking about anything else, but us together.
Author's Note
I'm proud of myself for writing two updates this week.
Thoughts are appreciated.