Day 65

The radio was silent, and the cars moved slowly down the streets, as if numb. My sobs slowly subsided and I forced myself to breath, just breath and gather my control back. I wish I didn't have to let go, though. It was good there, at Daryl's chest, his arm around me, hand resting on my back, grounding me. Sniffing and drying my face, I forced myself to let go, returning to my seat, but still closer to him that what was necessary now. I looked down as I tried to clean up my face, embarrassed. This had been the most obvious demonstration of weakness I had ever given in front of Daryl – in front of anyone, for that matter, and it was the second time in two days that I cried in front of him.

"Sorry," I mumbled after a while, still looking down.

Daryl looked at me sideways for a quick moment and returned his eyes to the road. "You okay?" he asked dismissing my apology.

"I'll be. I guess."

"'S alright. You've just saved all of our asses, can break down all ya want."

"Can't believe that son of a bitch was gonna kill us all!" I finally looked up, eyes red but tears gone.

"Well, motherfucker's dead now."

"And so's Jackie."

"Her choice. Opted out, ain't that what Jenner called it?"

I was silent for a long moment thinking about Jackie's choice and the final, messed up, desperate minutes we had spent inside the CDC. How I had made Jenner open the door and all but told everyone on the group that I was pregnant. It was out now.

"What the fuck?" Daryl mumbled taking me out of my thoughts.

"What?"

"Look at that," he pointed somewhere out of the truck, on the pavement. We were on a central Atlanta street, a few walkers bundled together by a wall on the sidewalk. "See that?"

"Holy. Fuck!" I'd seen it too. Nearly in the middle of the street a black duffel bag lay, the long tip of a rifle coming out of it. "Stop the car!" I told Daryl as I reached for the radio that had been sitting forgotten by my side on the seat.

"Hey, why are you stopping?" Rick's voice came from it before I could press the button.

"You don't see it?" I asked him. "To our right, thirty feet away?"

He took a few seconds to answer. "Yep. I'll be damned, looks like the guns we gave the group from the elderly home."

"Wonder why they're here," I said thought the radio. "Gotta get'em back though,"

"Sure thing," he agreed through the radio.

By my side, Daryl said "Group of walkers there, gotta get it fast."

"I'm fast enough," I told him and pressed the radio button before Daryl could say anything. "I'll go and get it," I told the others among radio static. "You all just gotta honk like hell to attract the walkers away."

"The hell you gonna go!" Daryl roared at me at the same time the radio came to life in my hand.

"We're gonna get the bag back alright," Rick told me, "but one of us is going out there, not you, Sam. Not in your condition, now that we know about it. Shane says he'll go."

I pressed the button immediately, glaring at Daryl who seemed to get angrier at me by the second, "I'm fast, Rick, it's what we need now. Shane, I know you're strong and capable," I rolled my eyes, "but what we need now is speed. I go out, get it and run back, it's all. So I'm going, of maybe Glenn."

The radio was silent for a few seconds before Rick spoke again. "Don't move, Sam. Just give us a minute."

Growling, I let the radio fall back between Daryl and I. The small group of walkers from the sidewalk seemed to have noticed something had approached, but they were still uncertain, a few of them turning around to sniff the air. Two of three were already on the street, closer to the bag.

"That's exactly why I waited as long as I could to tell people about the baby. I knew it was gonna be like this," I hissed, elbow on the window frame, head resting on my hand.

"What, you knew people were gonna be worried 'about your safety and the kid's?" Daryl snarled in a low voice. "Yeah, kinda sucks having people care 'about ya."

"You know what I mean, Daryl!"

"I know you're bitchin' for no reason. Ya gonna need to slow down soon, so just get the fuck over it."

I stared at him, mouth hanging a bit, for a few seconds. "Soon," I finally spoke, "is not now."

With that, I grabbed the axe from the floor of the truck and pushed the handle to open the door, quickly sliding out of it.

"The fuck, Sam?" Daryl yelled from inside.

"You cross the street and attract them on that direction. I'll get the bag and come back before they reach you. Go!"

Knowing Daryl would make me stop if I gave him the chance, I moved, but still in time to listen to him cursing at me and getting out of the truck. Not looking back, certain that Daryl would be doing as I'd told him, I walked fast, rolling the axe handle on my right hand. Walking in a straight line I met the first walker before it could even groan at me, axe blade perforating its skull and brain easily. As it fell, I planted my foot on the head and pulled the axe out, twisting around myself and swinging it immediately onto the second one. Somewhere behind me, I heard loud bangs of a palm against a car, followed by Daryl's voice yelling incoherent words to attract the walkers. I was already by the bag on the asphalt when I had to get rid of the third walker, a fourth one aiming at me instead of following the others towards Daryl. I looked around for a moment; five or six walkers were getting close to where he was still banging at the car; I could see him stretch his neck to try and see me from the top of their rotting heads. Looking back at my goal, I took the last few steps in a sprint, bending quickly to grab the bag's handle. It was heavier than I had thought, but it didn't stop me from throwing it over my shoulder and turning around to get out of there. Behind me, a loud growl sounded closer than it should. Aiming only with the corner of my eyes, I side kicked the too quick female walker, hitting her on the chest and making her fall back, growling angrily. My axe fell to the ground then, and the bag skipped from my shoulder.

"Sam!" Darryl yelled from a few feet away as he ran back to the truck before the walkers got to him. "Look out, they're comin'!"

Looking to where he pointed, I saw another group of dead going in my direction. Cursing aloud, I knew I had to run immediately, so I hugged the heavy bag against my chest and fled, the worn out red axe abandoned on the asphalt. Before I could even close the door and settle on the truck, Daryl was already charging away, yelling and scolding. The door closed on its own with the truck's movement and the other cars in the caravan followed us away, leaving the dead herd behind, hungry and growling.

I completely ignored the radio from then on. Daryl had already given up yelling at me for my imprudence, now he was just breathing hard, his face angry, but silent. He was a rude man, that was for certain, but I knew he cared and he had only gotten that angry because I had been at risk. He cared, and I just wished he would yell a little less, but then again, he'd been scared for me. Because he cared. I just wondered if he cared in the same way I was beginning to care for him. You know, the same way.

When I finished the discussion by saying now we had more guns and were safer than ever, he knew it was impossible to convince me of how reckless he thought I had bee. I didn't think I was, I was fast and I defended myself and I got the weapons while the others were still sitting their asses on the cars discussing it. On the radio, Rick had said the same but soon had stopped. It was all quiet for a while, long minutes when nobody really knew where we were going.

"Wait, hold on a minute," I broke the silence making Daryl glance at me and quickly looking away. "Didn't you say ya gave the weapons to the elderly home group?"

Daryl took a couple of seconds, but mumbled "Fuck" under his breath just as the radio came to life on the seat between us, with Rick questioning the exact same thing.

Minutes later, the caravan was slowly approaching and carefully stopping by the brick wall of the home. The street seemed to be empty, but there was a square across the street with trees that could hide walkers. The brick wall had a whole in it, which Daryl quickly told me had already been there before.

As the group hopped off the cars, the silence around was eerie, the energies tense as we looked around and men instinctively got guarding positions, even if they kept looking over their shoulders to watch, as every other pair of eyes did, as I met Rick and Shane on the sidewalk and handed Rick the heavy bag I'd been carrying against my chest. As he held it by the strap, letting I hang heavily by his side, Rick put a hand on my shoulder, leaning in a bit to say "You okay?"

"Yeah," I answered instinctively, subtly shaking his hand off with a shrug. "I'm good. You all?", I looked briefly at Shane and pointed at Lori, where she stood with Carl near Carol and Sophia.

"Man, I gotta tell ya, that was some crazy shit right there," Shane shook his head, an overwhelmed laugh on his voice

"You got Jenner to open the doors. That was –" Rick paused also shaking his head. "We owe you big, Sam."

"No, come on," I frowned crossing my arms. "You don't have to thank me for that, that's my job, is all. And I was saving my own ass too, and my –" I paused then and looked down at myself. Looking up again I saw a little understanding smile coming from Rick, "Why you not saying this to Carol? She's the one who had a damn grenade!"

With that, I excused myself and moved away from them, making a straight line towards Carol, who saw me approaching with quick steps. Unceremoniously, I grabbed Carol by the shoulders and pulled, arms coming around her in a tight hug.

"Sam?" Carol asked in a weak voice, uncertain but accepting the hug, her own hands patting my back.

"You're amazing, d'you know that?" I asked pulling away, hands once again on her shoulders. "You had a fuckin' grenade!"

"W-Wel, it was actually Rick's, I'd – I just found it in his pocket –"

"Yeah, but he didn't even remember it then. We'd all have died there."

"Well, yeah –"

"Thank you."

Carol was stunned but smiled after a second, nodding, uncertain of what to do with this gratitude.

"I'll just –" I said suddenly and left in quick steps, but could still see from the corner of my eye when others thanked Carol as well, incentivized by my action.

I crossed the street then, all but running, and curved herself over the curb to throw up all the feelings and terrifying emotions I'd been having since that damned control room. As I heaved, even without seeing it, I felt Daryl approaching silently to guard my back, but it was the other women, Carol, Lori, Andrea, who ran to help. One of them pulled my dreads up and held them, someone was rubbing my back in soothing circles.

I had been thought this uncountable times before, always alone, hiding it in the woods, never wanting to concern or alert anyone of my condition, and always thought it was fine. I could handle it. But now, having their quiet support and Daryl's solid presence right there, I felt, at least for a moment, safer than I had felt in months.

The patio was filled with walkers and everybody knew this didn't mean anything good for the elderly home. Rick was the first to shoot, right after a clear, loud "Fuck it!". Everybody who was carrying guns started shooting after he did, the walkers falling to the ground one by one. It was over in seconds, and for a moment all that could be heard was the children's cries and their mothers gently shushing them, crouched on the floor, terrified. We moved to the entrance then, a metal door that led to a large room filled with tossed around furniture, but otherwise empty. At the end of the room, double wooden doors lead to a long, dim corridor.

I entered with my .12 gunshot ready, right behind Daryl with his crossbow, just as attentive. There were no walking dead, just normal ones, a women's legs outside of a door, some other one right ahead, a loud buzz of flies around the bodies and the solid smell. The ones in the front – Glenn, Rick, Shane, Daryl and myself – made no sound, on guard, starting to look around and into doors, but loud gasps and cries from behind us filled the empty space, as if the sight of dead people was scarier than seeing the walk and growl. Sophia was crying out loudly, Daryl turned around, lowering the crossbow just enough, whispering angrily for her to shut up. The fear from the two mothers immediately transformed into hatred for him man chastising the girl.

"Shut it, all of you!" I also whispered-screamed and motioned Daryl to move non with our swipe.

More walkers were approaching as we entered, attracted by the loud gunshots from before and the cries now, the last ones of the group closing the doors a second before the first walker bumped into it. The locks were broken and they had to rest their full bodies weight to hold it in place. I didn't see more now, moving with the men to check the entire space. Many people were dead all around, inside rooms, on the corridor, in another big room and also upstairs. They were all dead for good, though, clear gunshots on their heads.

In a few minutes we had all joined again in one of the largest rooms, little less afraid now we knew there were no walkers inside. Rick was speaking, clearly trying to sound calm and confident.

"Upstairs is our best bet. We've cleared a few rooms, can barricade those if we have to," he paused and looks around at the people, nodding in what he thought to be a reassuring way. "We'll be alright."

"You mean it this time?" Carol asked from where she sat once again with her arms around her daughter. She was almost crying. "Or are you lying to us like all the times before?"

"That's unfair," Lori defended her husband. "And no help at all."

"He wasn't lying, Carol," I told her from close to the doorway. "He was just wrong. How could anybody know this would happen?"

"But what the hell happened?" Glenn voiced it, trepidation all over his voice.

"What do you think?" Andrea was the one to answer. "They got overrun."

A loud snort came out of Daryl as he paced around looking from body to body and Andrea looked at him affronted.

"Something to say?"

"Yeah!", he didn't even let her finish her question. "How about 'observant'?"

"Observant? Big word for a guy like you. Three whole syllables!"

By the door I felt like puffing my chest out and walking over the blonde woman, but restrained, questioning myself for being so protective over Daryl. Nobody should talk to him like that, he was not stupid like people seem to think he was. Fucking prejudiced people. Daryl had been crucial to the survival of this group all along and still all this woman could see was his redneck label. But Daryl was a big boy and could defend himself, so I didn't move.

"Walkers didn't do this!" he started explaining angrily. "Geeks didn't show up 'til all this went down. Somebody attacked this place, killed these people, took whatever they wanted. They're all shot in the head, execution style!"

Yep, like I said, he could clearly defend himself. Without controlling it, I had a proud smirk on my face. He'd been voicing what I'd noticed since we'd walked in this god forsaken place. Andrea had lost her know-it-all expression and was looking at the gunshots, face fallen.

"Ya'll worried about walkers? I'd be much more worried about the people who came and did all this," then he approached Andrea again. "Get a dictionary, look it up," and he pointed at his own head. "Observant".

He crossed the room then, approaching me by the door on his way out. I looked proudly at him, sill smirking, an eyebrow shooting up. He expression didn't change much, he was irritated and worried, but the corner of his lip did twitch a bit at my look. It was enough for me. He passed me and left the room, clearly looking to be alone or on the lookout.

People were sitting close together later on, spirits subdued, when Rick and Shane returned from the kitchens where they went looking for food. They found one single can of corn and Shane had potato chips and one single bottle of water, and that was all. They shared it among us all, including a bottle of whiskey Shane also had brought from the CDC. Daryl asked him to share it and I just looked away. It wasn't because I would die for a swig or two and couldn't that Daryl shouldn't enjoy a little of the numbness he could get from it.

"What's next?" Lori asked as she got up to join her husband by the window.

Rick didn't answer, he just turned around and shared a long look with me. I held his eyes for a moment before nodding in Shane's direction. He'd been mentioning Fort Benning for a while and Rick and I hadn't heard him, we had chosen he CDC. Maybe it was time to give the man's idea a try. Rick looked at Shane, who was already nodding his head and looking at me as he mumbled "Fort Benning."

"We should've listened to you, Shane", Rick told him. "Would have saved us a lot of grief ahead."

"We couldn't have known what would happen," I said from where I sat next to Daryl. "The CDC was closer; we didn't have enough gas to go all the way down to Alabama – we still don't have it. We had to try it."

"Yeah, but…" Rick shook his head. "Jackie would still be alive…"

"Was her choice, man. Do not take that on," Shane told his friend.

"All these people…" Glenn entered the conversation. "Who'd have done something like this? Just… Come in here and murder everybody, even all the old people, how sick is that?"

Sophia flinched and nearly cried just to hear him say this and Carol hugged her. Lori moved to Carl, who also had gone pale, mumbling "Is this something we need to be discussing right now?"

"Uh, yeah. It actually is. I mean…" I got up from my spot and looked down at Carol and Lori. "I'd like a word with you two, if it's fine? Just us?"

The two other women nodded confused and got up, reassuring their kids they'd be back soon and that everything was ok, and we retread from the children and the men, going to stand at a corner.

"Look, I know things got a bit heated when we entered the home?" I started.

"We're all on the edge," Lori told me, crossing her arms. "What we found here was far from what we were expecting, again."

"First the CDC, now this..." Carol said. "It's like one blow after the other."

"Yeah, but no matter what happened," Lori crossed her arms and spoke firmly. "I will not let anybody talk to my child like that, or even talk about these things around him. I will always defend him, I'm sure Carol will too."

I took a deep breath and rested my hands on my hips, "Look, Daryl's a brute, we all agree to that, but he means well. He told them to shut up and you're angry about that, fine. But at that moment, they actually had to shut up," Carol frowned at that and Lori took a breath to speak, her arms uncrossing and hands imitating my position, but I moved on. "I mean it, Lori. We all know silence's crucial when there're walkers around, we taught you that ages ago at the quarry. We weren't just saying, they are attracted by sound, ya'll know that. They had to be quiet just like all of us did. You're so mad about someone calling out on your children that you can't even see he was right."

"I know we need silence, but I'm the one who's gonna tell my son to be quiet!", Lori rebated.

"But you didn't! Lori, you were holding your son and he was being loud, you were not telling him to be quiet, same thing for you Carol. Sophia was crying and even you was whimpering, and not quietly!" I opened my arms, "Somebody had to! I mean it, if Daryl hadn't said it, I would've and you'd be all mad at me instead of him".

"There are ways to speak –"

"Look, Lori, Carol, I've been meaning to talk to you about this. We all know they're scared, more scared than all of the adults, it must be terrifying for them. But it will be even more terrifying if they find themselves in a dangerous situation without being prepared to react, to protect themselves."

"I'll protect him! And Rick will –"

"You don't know you're always going to be there to protect them, every time. They need to know how to avoid the dead, not to not attract'em, how to fight'em if it gets to that. We're all always going to protect them, but we'll never know what will happen. They need 't stop acting so scared and helpless, for their own safety."

"And what do you suggest?" Carol tried but her voice still shuddered. "Arming the children? Giving them guns and crossbows?"

"Something like that, yeah," I said firmly and saw their affronted expressions. And I could understand the idea as preposterous, but, well. "I don't mean just give it to them and leave them to do whatever, I mean teach them. I mean reassuring them that they don't have to be scared if they know how to react. And you two, too, I saw how scared you got out there, you need to… Come on, I don't know, be braver? The world is not gonna go back to what it was, you heard Jenner, it's all gone. We need to survive, we need to make sure the children survive, that my baby does, we need all to be strong as group, not just count on a few of the stronger ones to defend everybody."

There was a moment of silence. I felt suddenly exhausted, and breathed out hard and I looked down, a hand pressing the bridge of my nose.

"How are you not scared?" Carol's small voice asked me, a bit more gently than her expression was before.

I looked up at her, at Lori and then back. "You think I ain't scared?" I snorted a fake laugh, trying a smile. "I'm a pregnant girl during the fuckin' walking dead apocalypse. I'm fuckin' terrified!" Lori and Carol exchanged an uncomfortable look, not knowing what to say. I didn't know anymore, either. "We should get some rest. Just, please, think about it? We can't have them getting terrified by the simple mention of murder. I told you once, Carol, that I could teach you and Sophia how to defend yourselves? Offer still stands."

I turned my back on them then and left following the men who were leaving the room. Daryl waited for me, letting me pass first.

"We're all rattled and exhausted, no one's thinking clearly," Rick was saying when I arrived, "But we have to start. Our lives depend on it."

"You're damn right," Shane agreed once again shaking his head. "We can't let our guard down again," and as Daryl and I joined, we walked towards the stairwell where we found Dale and T-dog already sitting down. "Back at camp, having us some fish fried and no one on watch, and people died when they didn't need to."

"Hey," I patted Glenn's arm to stop him before we joined, and spoke in a low voice. "You did nothing wrong by talking about what happened here. It's the reality and they need to start being able to handle it".

After we all got together and crouched down to talk, Rick started, "Fort Benning, that's the consensus."

"When we're leaving here?" T asked accepting the bottle Daryl handed him across the group.

"At first light", I told them making the others nod. "I just worry about the fuel; we'll have to get it from any car we can find on the way. And we're wasting fuel driving so many vehicles, we need to lose a few. We'll use the gas from whatever cars we leave behind, pro'ly be enough to leave the city. We," and I pointed between Daryl and I, can keep the bike and lose the truck, it spends less gas," and I looked at Daryl to see him nodding his agreement.

"That'd be a start," said Shane. "Let's just try to get a little shut eye tonight, ok? T, you get the first hour?"

I looked around for Daryl from where I had laid down on the hard floor against a wall. I thought he'd come to rest a bit at any moment, but as the minutes passed by and he didn't, I started to worry. I knew he was not much of a sleeper, but he had to rest. There was a journey ahead of us, over one hundred miles separated us from Fort Benning, and there was no telling what we'd find on the way there of it we'd ever even make it.

Silently, I got up from my spot, navigating through my group companions' sleeping forms, and headed to the hallway, looking around for him. He was a few feet away along the corridor, lying down on the floor just as I had been, one arm thrown over his eyes. Relieved that he seemed to be asleep, I approached quietly even with my boots still on my feet – you just don't sleep without shoes on in this new world – and sat down against the wall, close to his head. I had lost sleep now anyways.

"You gotta sleep," he told me in a real low voice, without having moved an inch.

"Can't… Though you was sleeping," I whispered, elbows resting on my knees.

"Can't either," and he still didn't move.

We went silent. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back against the hard surface of the white wall. Daryl moved the arm covering his eyes to pillow his head, now just a breath away from my leg.

As he settled, I whispered, "You were great today, ya know that?" I opened my eyes then, straightening my head again and looking down on him. He said nothing but looked up at me, a question in his eyes. "Struggled together with everyone… Gave me your shoulder to cry and snot all over you…" I smiled then, a laugh in her voice. He did too, a corner of his lips moving up. "Helped secure this place and then!" I made a pause "shut Andrea up in front of everybody and it was aaaawesome!"

He laughed quietly, moving his eyes away from me. We were both strangely smiling now, among all the shit that had been going on.

"They underestimate you," I said after a while.

"An' you don't?" he spoke quietly again, his voice more like a rumble.

"Guess I did… Once. In the other life. I don' anymore."

"Don't know what ya thing I can do."

"Well, for one, you're 'observant'," I said smiling one more time, and he looked up at me again, the shy smile returning. "I mean, you really are, you're the only one who noticed me being all pregnant. And the hunting and tracking go without saying… You don't freeze out with danger, you're logical. You're more important to this group than you imagine." And to me, but I didn't say it. "They'll see it soon enough as well, you'll see."

"Don't care wha' they think".

"I know."

"'S long as –" he started and stopped himself real quickly. I looked down at him again.

"What?"

"'S nothin'."

"No, as long as what?"

He removed his arm from under his head and covered his eyes once again. "Go to sleep."

"Daryl?" I asked as I turned to my side and looked straight down at him, my head lined with his from above.

"What?"

"As long as what?"

He lifted his arm to look up at the ceiling and saw my face right there, humor in my eyes. He stopped what he was going to say, stunned by the position we found ourselves in, and took a moment to regain his wits.

"Only reason I'm in this group is 'cause of you," he started with a sincerity that stunned me. "Was it Merle and I, I'd be gone straight away from that fuckin' roof. So as long as you don't think I'm a piece of shit, I'm good." And as I was just to stunned to move or say anything, he threw the arm over his eye again. "Now jus' please go to sleep and leave me alone."

"Alright…." I whispered, moving again. I quickly settled on the floor, against the same wall, my head close to his. "Good night, Daryl."

He only grumbled in response. I knew it was enough of talking for him for a day. I was still smiling, butterflies inside my stomach, when I fell asleep.