Konosuba Fanfic: Painful Rom-Com School Life

by Sheitfuck

What was inherent in the Konosuba party? Pain. The catastrophic goddess, the Kim Jong Un's long lost daughter, the maniac of a meatbag, and the equalist asshole, coupled with the forgetful goddess of fortune, the pre-turned litch, the short-tempered writer, and the predestined loner...this is a story of their painful rom-com school Life.

18. Chapter 15 Sports Fest with a BANG! (5)

All ye who enter, be warned. This chapter is a madness of 14,216 words. Empty thy minds. It will be easier then.

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Countless people applauds like the thunder.

For they welcome the nigh, dark storm.

The storm to destroy the wicked man.

Arue gazed at the crowd, giving her and her allies a welcoming applause. She raised her head and saw the sunless sky; a grey veil cast over the land. The gods were too afraid to witness the things to come.

"The same storm…," she mumbled. She then set her eye back to the crowd and smiled faintly.

Hide all you want, you imbecilic imp, but you can't escape from my pen.

Arue's smile grew slightly deeper to no one's notice. She stood there on the stage as her tall leader took a step forward with a mic by his mouth. She raised an eyebrow at the man's height, wondering whether he wore an insole.

[[Greetings, ladies and gentlemen, Mo-]] He cleared his throat. [[Excuse me, the cold's getting to my throat. Everyone, I regret to inform you that we aren't here to perform. We are the members of the literature club after all and are here to introduce our books instead.]] He took a brief pause. [[But you don't have to be disappointed because it will definitely be worth your time.]]

Arue and her allies stared at their leader with surprise. They never imagined him to be so good a speaker, considering how he usually behaved meekly around them. Despite his smooth introduction, the crowds didn't receive them well. Being introduced to some books right after a classic performance would sour anyone's excitement after all. Even so, Arue kept her grin. She could easily imagine their bug-eyed look in the soonest moment.

The leader turned to Arue and said, "After you."

Arue frowned. His newfound demeanor was quite uncannily familiar. It resembles…, after a brief thought, she shook her head as she had a more urgent matter to attend to.

She went to the front and kneeled down to place a device on the floor. Arue took a heavy breath. Even for her, doing what she's about to do in front of a huge crowd needed some courage. Once she took another breath, her eye glowed with unwavering determination.

She rose in quick motion and swung her arm widely to complete a pose. She then cried out, "Light, heed my call. False, imitation, the imagination! Come to reality! Show your splendor to the world! Activate!"

To the word 'Activate', the orb shone in blinding blue, gushing out light into the shape of a man.

Silence abound the place as the crowds were bug-eyed as predicted. Arue's lips stretched far to a huge grin. Surely, they were impressed by her breathtaking chant and also her hologram. Satisfied, Arue went back to her place, taking her allies' deadpan looks as products of their irresistible jealousy. Soon, a huge uproar erupted behind her.

"A hologram! I can't believe it! There is no glass unlike in the concert!"

"You mad fucking demon! Inventing ooparts left and right! I don't even know anymore!"

"You should've shown anime titties, you uncultured hack!"

That last one right there hit her nerve pretty hard, but an awesome woman like her would not be faltered by an uncouth monkey.

"Alright…," said one of her allies as he took a long breath. He took the mic from the leader and hit the stage. [[H-Hello, everyone! M-My book is called the 'Ever Wonder'! This g-guy in the hologram is…]] He went on to introduce his work as he stuttered all throughout.

Arue yawned. How boring. Romance that drama this. She wondered what kind of people would actually read a plain book like that. It's a given for those seeking fame and success to include magic, or, at least, some giant robot. To do otherwise would only bring you further away from glory.

But Arue still had to admit the title was good compared to all the other distasteful names that get into the shelves even at this moment.

[[Hi, people~! My book's called~ 'What?! I, a Japanese third-year high schooler from Class 2, suddenly fell into a different world and met the prime minister?!'~!]]

Speak of the devil…

Arue stared blankly at the girl, who had an unfathomably little amount of shame to title her baby as such. She sighed, wondering what the world had come to.

"Arue~," the girl, who's got something wrong in her head, called out to her, "your turn~"

Arue's eye glowed with a dark glow. It wasn't the eye excited to showcase one's baby, but the eye out for blood. She took the mic from the girl with a stupid smile and took the stage.

Strangely, she didn't feel the stage fright that bothered her just prior. Perhaps much of her nervousness had been alleviated by the previous awesome chant, or perhaps her thirst for justice didn't allow any of it. And Arue was certain that the latter held the greater water.

Once her relentless march came to a halt, she posed, placing her eye between her fingers as her other hand held the mic.

[[My name is Arue.]]

She then jerked back, the free hand stretched across her front, and the other hand, which held the mic, went around her head, covering her eye.

[[The glamorous write of the Crimson Demon Village!]]

Without noticing how the crowd went completely dumb, Arue used her free hand to unseal the eye patch, revealing her glowing, golden eye.

[[And the owner of the eye of Panta!]]

If it were any other occasion, it would have been her time to bask in silent glory with a proud smile plastered over her face, but her heart was cold on fire.

Now that she got their undivided attention, she held the mic rather normally. [[My book is called "Shameful Secret," inspired by an actual event.]] She took her time before continuing, making sure the crowd was ready to hear was to come. [[Have you heard of a man named, Satou Kazuma? He is a miserable, licentious man. A hopeless pervert who steals a minor's panties.]] She smiled coldly as she heard gasps from the crowd, the sound of public opinion swinging her way. [[But I've found recently… his lust is not bound to females.]]

Even louder gasps came from the crowd. Not only did he steal a minor's panties, but he also curves in both ways!? M-Monster! He must be kicked out of this town!

Arue had a hard time restraining her laugh. Everything's falling to places so perfectly. So easily to boot! She didn't even show her trump card yet!

Nevertheless…

[[Now see this.]]

With that, she quickly clapped twice and the orb projected another image, which hit the crowd like a bomb. Two men. Two completely naked men (thank goodness, their privates were covered in steam) had their flesh intertwined with each other's. The black-haired, handsome man, who barely resembled his real-life counterpart, was on top, and the blond man at the bottom gave damp, longing gaze toward his partner; both exuded an air of carnal desire.

Oh boy, where's my corona?

Jokes aside, and I said, JOKES ASIDE, Arue gave the finishing blow, [[I believe some of you may have realized by now… about why Dust dresses as a woman.]]

The question that had plagued every student's mind have been blown away with the simple answer. It also came with the realization that the debauchery of a certain man seemed to had sunk way lower than they initially thought. He must be buried in haste.

By now, Arue was grinning ear to ear. Oh sweet vengeance. Utter and irredeemable destruction. I shall soon indulge in his crying, pathetic face!

Pleased that her goal was achieved, she removed the irksome image by another set of claps and returned to her place.

"You're wrong!"

Until a woman opposed her claim.

Arue spun around. Who was it? What kind of woman had come to defend such a vile man?

"Eris…?" she muttered, beyond belief to find the first victim stand up for her assailant.

"You're wrong!"

After crying out for the second time, Eris heaved for breath. It helped the need of her lungs, but not the trouble in her heart. She clenched her fists in anguish and raised her head to face the liar.

"Kazuma's not a homosexual! Also, he did steal a minor's panties, but I'm sure he had a good reason for it!"

Arue quickly collected herself and retorted, [[What good reason is there for the crime? To begin with, why are you defending him?]]

"Because I know him! He certainly is a pervert, but he's a chicken who never takes a chance!"

Arue wondered if the two had actually spent a sufficient time together to warrant her saying that, but she shook her head as it didn't matter at the moment. [[But nothing changes the fact that he willingly stole a minor's panties.]]

"Not so fast!"

Arue was shocked to find another voice coming to defend the man, a woman's voice no less! She turned to it and found a tall woman, whose long, pony hair lustered in the color of the absent sun.

"If you're speaking of the event a week prior, then you're most certainly wrong," said she, firmly. "He was under the influence of a drug and lost all restraints. It stands to reason that he can't be blamed for it all."

[[Then why was he under a drug? Drug itself is an evil thing to consume.]]

"Well…," she trailed off, at a loss. Explaining away the reason would expose her sitting at the bottom of it, but to not say a word would only put Kazuma in a very difficult position.

Was what she worried about until it hit her. Wait a minute, isn't this perhaps the best opportunity for me to be lambasted upon!?

With a short gasp and a palpitating heart, Darkness hurriedly and steamily uttered, "A-Actually! I-I-I am the reason for i-!"

*Rumble*

Her feverish confession was interrupted by the quivering ground. Or it sounded like so. Almost all foreigners had their hearts drop as they thought an earthquake had struck, but the Japanese instinctively knew in their blood that this was no such thing. The trembling just wasn't there. As a matter of course, they had greater part in themselves to be rational and search for the source of the noise. And they were quick to find it.

"T-That's…!"

"It's a plane!"

"No, it's a bird!"

"What do you mean bird or plane!? That thing's on the ground!"

Indeed, that thing was on the ground, standing taller than three men combined. It came into the scene after striding through the thorny branches of the hillside trees.

By the gods…! Arue shuddered. A robot! One which fancies the crescent moon as its headpiece and large, pointy sunglasses for its proud chest! So lofty… So fearsome… So awesome! Even though it lacks the crucial, giant drill… my heart does not allow any slight against it.

And, as a cherry on top, the robot had red as its base color. Red, just like her eyes! Not only that but also black and gold! All her favorites!

It was a thrilling fact for Arue, so much so that she couldn't see the incoming, giant hand. When she finally noticed, however, she chuckled, raising her arms for her dear hero, craving for it to take her yonder and beyond.

And everyone couldn't help but gawk at her.

"Did she just…"

"I hope I'm wrong, but… she looks happy?"

"This is either a pre-planned event or that girl is one hell of a crackhead."

The robot, disregarding the uncomfortable amount of attention it's getting from its captive, stretched its arm toward another person.

"It's coming to me?!" cried Eris. She turned and ran as fast as possible, but she just couldn't outrun it in her heels. "Kyaaaa!"

"Lady Eris!" cried Amelia, too distanced at the moment to do anything.

"Eris!" Ditto for Darkness, except jealousy seemed to be part in her tone.

Hazel hair fluttered amidst the cries. A woman shot off in a speed even the shadows could barely follow and latched onto the giant arm. Her venomous eyes pierced the metal head.

Wiz had come for blood.

Holding firm to the arm like a bug, she brought out a knife. It didn't seem much against the metal plate, butit was the best shot she got at the moment. She gave it a heavy thrust.

"Huh?" Wiz muttered, surprised to find her knife hilt deep into the plate. Though it felt like a genuine metal on the surface, she discovered it was no such thing; it's just a cardboard. She dropped her arm without hesitation, slicing through it like a hot knife through butter.

[AHHHHHHHH!] a hysteric screech went off throughout the field. [You're tearing my priceless work!]

The top of the robot's head opened to reveal two figures with bags over their heads.

One of them stepped forward. "Apologize! Apologize for ruining my precious art!"

"Aqua?" Wiz muttered, having heard the same kind of screech that had been wearing her ears thin. And her blue hair only hardened her suspicion.

The screecher ceased screeching, then awkwardly smiled under her mask. "A-Aqua? Who's that? Me? No, no, how can you mistake me for the gorgeous Aqua? If I was her, which I'm totally not, I would've thrown away this mask and let my beauty shine throughout."

Even though she spoke in a completely different voice, she couldn't budge the certainty in the eyes of the viewers. Wiz, on the other hand, completely bought it, which erased the slight hesitation in her heart.

*Whiz*

The wind whimpered; the sharp knife had left a scar in the air.

"EEEEEEK!"

The screecher screeched; the sharp knife had missed her by a hair's breadth.

She fell to her butt, tears under her mask. By sheer luck, that happened to be the correct move as the knives had passed through where her head had had just been. Her short companion slammed a button, and they were encased once again. However, it didn't seem like the cardboards would last long against her barrage.

[STOP! WE HAVE CAPTIVES!] the shorter villain yelled at the mic, but her threat would have only worked if Wiz wasn't so quick at freeing the captives.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" shearing scream was torn out of Arue's throat, having witnessed her hero being cut apart. All manner of curses followed her scream, invoking one fine headchop from Wiz. The universal language seemed to have worked as she stayed shut until she and Eris were left in the back.

Inside the hopeless mess that was the cockpit, a girl wailed like there was no tomorrow, and her companion was on her knees; despair had consumed her crimson eyes. Then, out of the blue, the dim bulb above her head sparked a radiant explosion.

Right… we still have one more hostage.

Now, please understand. Even with her superb intelligence, she just couldn't remember in such a dire situation (or, more precisely, she desperately wanted to ignore) that she was sharing the space with the most despicable man on earth.

After a grim, nervous nod to herself, she turned to her back and found an unconscious man, who'd been completely tied… save for his hand. She shuddered, having taken sight of the unbound beast still ravenously hunting for a prey.

"…I don't think I'd feel any remorse even if he's stabbed in the head," she said with undiluted sincerity. She then turned on the mic. [Cease your attack! We still have one more hostage!]

Wiz reluctantly complied, sensing an ominous truth in her words through her antenna, and her intuition was confirmed when she saw the cockpit open. "Kazuma!" she yelled, enraged to find her friend tied and beaten. "What have you done!?" she yelled some more, instead of outright throwing her knife. If they didn't hold what seemed to be a weapon against him, she would have thrown it even before the hot got into her head.

"This is a bomb I'm holding here," said the villain. "Throw one more knife, then it will explode to take this loathsome man to hell."

She didn't mention it would also take them along, but, somehow, Wiz had no doubt she was willing to do just that.

"Who are you?" said Wiz through gritted teeth. She was finally curious about these two, who were awfully talented at piquing her wrath.

Suddenly, a raucous music filled the space, the vast galaxy overwhelming the place. The villains stood proudly in the center of it all, having shed their fear-ridden trace.

"That is a question we often come across."

"So to answer it is only par for the course."

"To shatter the evil and their shameless schemes,"

"To make the way for our cherished dream,"

"To protect the world from the absence of my love,"

"To unite all nations under my peerless bomb,"

"By yours truly, Mata,"

"And the unstoppable, Mendezmin,"

"Team Magic shall fly off far beyond the eyes could see!"

"Achieving the highest acclaim the world had never seen!"

"So here I go, Nature's Beauty!"

...

...

...

...

"Flawless…," Arue mumbled, her glittering eyes fixated on the marvelous duo. "Team Magic, I admit defeat." She smiled and gave slow claps for her new rival, all while receiving the baffled stares of the others.

By now, even Wiz caught on to their true identity, and she couldn't help but sigh. Just another one of their mess… at least, Kazuma is safe.

The blue-haired villain's eyes shone as she saw Wiz sheathing her knives. "Hah! I never thought you had a heart, you dead cold spin-"

*Whiz*

…Let's just say she went back to her corner.

Seeing her companion breaking into tears, the shorter villain sighed. It didn't have to come this far. They just wanted to gain attention and fend off any interference through the robot, not to abduct people left and right. She sighed once more, wondering how smoother it would have gone if her companion hadn't succumbed to her resentment.

What should I tell Socketo about this… she thought as she eyed the battered robot. Looking around, she quickly dismissed the thought because she had caught the attention of everyone. Just as planned!

"HAHAHAHahahahaha…," her excited laughter started loud but ended in whisper. What was supposed to boost her confidence, laughing like a maniac that is, only did the opposite. Shame, humiliation, embarrassment, and other words found in thesaurus weren't enough to describe what she felt.

But there was a sudden, waking sound of thud; Megumin had beat her heart.

"I FEAR NONE!" she roared, then coughed. She put too much force behind the hit. After clearing her throat, she took in a lengthy breath. "I AM MEGUMIN! THE GREATEST OF THE CRIMSON DEMONS! THE WIELDER OF EXPLOSIONS!"

…Save for the outsiders, absolutely no one was surprised to hear that name.

Megumin upheld her orb of ultimate destruction. "Darkness blacker than black! Darker than dark! I beseech thee-!"

"I shall gladly answer your call! So think fast!"

Megumin was baffled, but crimson flames instantly sparked in her eyes. Of all time, some damn bastard had to barge in on her most prized moment! But before she could even call out on the diabolical interrupter, a ball flew in her direction. She caught it and was rather surprised to find it eerily familiar. Aside from the fact that its fuse was lit, it had the same shape and size as her explosive.

Never mind, it was terribly familiar!

"NOOOOOOOOOO-!"

A BOOM interrupted the instinctive, trauma-induced scream of a certain woman, and a fireless smoke engulfed the cockpit.

Dreary silence filled the ground as no one knew what to make of the situation. To summarize, some knucklehead introduced them to a criminal bastard; a freaking robot appeared out of nowhere; a wickedly deft woman brought it down; and another knucklehead had just been interrupted by a bomb in the middle of her stunt… They thought about it and nodded to themselves. Reality can sure be strange. Only the doodles of a grade schooler can stand on even terms.

"Muahahahahaha!"

An unhinged, maniacal laughter cut through the silence, and everyone found themselves unsurprised, deeming it as just another addition to the series of bizarre events. In contrary to the growing imperviousness of the crowd, the members of the literature club were rooted to the spot. Sure, the leader surprised them by conducting himself skillfully on the stage, but they never knew he had in himself the unruly madness like the previous witches.

As the wind blew away the smoke, the slime-drenched duo was revealed. And it was also at that moment that the seemingly unending laughter came to an end.

"How succulent! Truly worth the wait!"

No one knew what he was so spirited about. All they saw were two girls at the brink of bursting out in two different ways. They could almost see the fiery glare and the teary eyes under their masks. What was so good about their pitiful sight?

The maniac sneered. "Moi is tempted to indulge himself even further into such rare delicacies, but that would be wasting too much time. Moi suppose it's time for the surprise reveal."

He grabbed his jacket and pulled it out. All he did was that, but everything about him changed, except his height: from the dull-looking literature club leader to a hunky man in his formal attire with a ridiculous mask.

He was…

"Boss?!" cried Megumin. "Aren't you supposed to be abroad!?"

The said boss grinned mysteriously. "Moi was just too intrigued by your endeavor of yesternight. About how little it contained your usual grunts as you attept to bring your mad ideas to life."

Megumin's eyes blazed even hotter, yet her voice edged even quieter. "Hey boss, I might just show you how mad I can be."

The boss laughed her off and eyed the blue-haired villain. "And Moi hoped you didn't resort to such underhanded method. You should've gone and claimed that man once and for all, rather than chasing such vain thing as fame," he finished it with a headshake.

The vain woman shot up and shouted, "W-Why should I go out with him, huh!? I-It's not like I'm in…," she trailed off, stiffened by the growing noise in the distance.

*Roach ROach ROAch ROACh ROACH*

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" she went completely nuts before the wave of cosmic horror.

*BUZZZZZZZ*

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he, likewise, went utterly nuts in his sleep, going wild by pure instinct alone.

The first who went nuts brought out a pair of fans in the middle of her incessant trembling. "N-N-N-Natu-tu-ture's B-"

"STOP!" Megumin pounced upon her companion and sealed her mouth. "Don't do the water thing! The control panel is a sensitive devise. Anymore harm would surely break it, and I would be eaten ALIVE! We still have the spray so don't worry!" She brought out the said spray and thumbed down on it, which only let out a short poof of a gas. "It's out huh… Aqua, I'd be very happy if you could wash me first."

"NATURE'S BEAUTY!"

The robot fell to its knees in an erratic movement and soon ceased all motions. Before such pitiful display, the boss shook his head. He wondered if he should build another campus just to contain troubling fools like them.

"Sir Vanir!" said the principal, who was nowhere to be seen since the opening ceremony. He skipped his heavy legs to attend to the person. "I'm very sorry about this ridiculous incident. I'll make sure to severely punish those two."

"Don't sweat it. Moi have already devised one in advance." He glanced back at the mess. "Which is currently at work."

"O-Of course, I've expected nothing less from you. After all, you're gifted with keen…," he trailed off in the middle of his flattery as its recipient wasn't present. He looked around and found him heading off to the crowd. "S-Sir! May I know where you're going?"

"To an unfinished business." Vanir said no more as he eyed a silvery woman in the crowd, but a brunette came to him instead. He gave no pause and walked past her.

"Where is she?"

The words stopped Vanir, and, after a slight delay, "Don't know" was all he gave. The back-to-back talk ended then.

Save for the unfortunate few, the crowd sighed in relief as they found the bugs taking a relatively vacant route. But Eris wasn't so relieved, not even under the care of Amelia and Darkness. She just couldn't take her eyes off of the soon-to-be-swarmed, shriek-echoing, water-flying cockpit. No longer able to sit still, she stood up from the bench and went to search for a tool that might help them.

"Lady Eris, you must keep rest," said Amelia, worried.

"S-She's right. You should rest yourself," Darkness agreed, her tone oddly heated, her eyes frequenting the frenzy in the distance.

Eris shook her head as she kept her pace. "No, how can I sit still when my party member is in trouble?"

"Party member?" said Amelia.

"I-I mean friend. I meant to say friend."

"Then allow me to help you," said Amelia. "As a woman myself, I find it horrendous to even imagine being overrun by those bugs. Let us save those poor girls."

"Why yes! That is most admirable! I'm ashamed I didn't spring into action at the very start! To atone for it, I shall take the charge!" Darkness stayed true to her words like an unbridled horse.

"Wait!" Eris' words couldn't reach her.

The two stood dumbfounded; one admired her bravery, and the other felt a headache. Anyhow, they needed to resume their search, not only for her troubled friends but also for Darkness, who willingly dove into the fray with an unrestrained smile stuck to her face.

Eris, in the middle of her search, felt a jolt of idea. Fire extinguisher! She didn't think it would have any repelling substance, but its sheer force may keep the bugs an idea set, she began heading toward the-

"You there!"

That sudden call sounded quite close, but Eris deemed it's meant for someone else. She resumed her wal-

"Moi is talking about you, hollow girl, who slept barely an hour due to a certain boy occupying your head!"

Eris froze in place, feeling as though she was made naked.

"Bullseye?" Vanir smirked as he closed in to her. "Moi still has an obligation to fulfill, remember? Or are you perhaps of the intention to stain my clean record?"

Amelia stepped in between the two. "Stay where you are," she said with hostility. Her lady seemed nervous at his presence- no, at his words. Either way, he shouldn't be allowed near her.

"Relax. Moi is not here to eat her. As already said, Moi is just here to fulfill my end of the bargain." Vanir grinned as his comment seemed to finally pique her interest. He brought out a necklace, which looked just like the one Aqua wore; except, a lustrous, lavender sheen hanged by the slim, silver chains.

Eris made a troubled look. "I really appreciate your kind offer, sir, but I just can't receive something so valuable."

"It's not out of good will, not even close. You see, Moi is very proud of his business ethic, and strictness have been its core principle."

Eris sighed. He didn't seem like someone she could convince. "Alright, I'll take up on your offer, but can we do it later? I'm busy at the moment."

Vanir grinned as he stepped out of the way. "We have a deal then. You may now quickly go and save your little precious."

"H-He's not precious! We're just friends!" Eris denied with a peculiar heat upon her face, but, realizing that any more excuse would only further heat it, she walked past him with a riled speed.

Amelia followed suit as she muttered, "He?"

Now back to the heart of the problem, the cockpit faced the biggest hysteria since its construction. Water persistently flew in all directions in desperate measure to fend off the bugs, and Megumin kept failing to light the fuse under the spattering water, all while Kazuma was silent, having fainted while being fainted. Despite the apparent fiasco, they had long since washed the slimes off their backs, but the cockpit had no system for sewage. The slimes, the object of their demented desire, had nowhere to go but to well up within the cockpit.

So yes, they were in quite a tight spot.

Down below the turmoil, amidst the wave of weltering bugs, a sort of lump drifted to and fro. If one were to look closer at it, he would be astounded. It's a human! More precisely, it was a coalition of countless bugs, taking the shape of a human, a humanoid bug if you will. Just like the other bugs, the humanoid bug scuttled toward the cockpit, and, unlike the other bugs, it managed to reach it and fall into the slime pond.

"HYAAAAAAAAAA!" Megumin busted out a bloodcurdling scream. Witnessing the sudden entrance of the monster was as though being subjected to the eye of the abyss. She hurled the explosive without much aim and proceeded to empty her pockets.

"Wait! It's me!" shouted the humanoid bug under the relentless attack.

Megumin paused as she heard a very familiar voice. "Darkness?"

The humanoid bug wiped the bugs off of its face, revealing the white skin of a human yet the face of a swine. "I am indeed Darkness."

That face brought another form of horror to her heart. So another attack was only just. "…Why are you here?"

"To save you," she said, rather sternly, unbefitting of a woman covered in bugs.

Megumin fought hard against her enormous doubt and clung to the faint ray of hope. "How?"

"…Somehow."

So, not only was she bare of plans but also brought a pack of bugs into their midst?

Yet another attack was only just.

"Somebody do something!" desperately cried the water dispenser. Her arms were no longer as eager and vigorous. If things stayed as they were, she would eventually run out of strength and be swallowed by the swarm. "No! I can't have that! Not again!"

Darkness steeled herself. She wasn't sure whether she'd done it to fulfill her promise or to squander the bugs. Nevertheless, she had to do both, and she did so with much dismay. "Aqua, drench me in water. I shall transfer each one of you out."

"Then take me first!"

Darkness shook her head. "I'm afraid I have to refuse. You are the only one who can buy time against…," she trailed off as she found the man on the floor, unable to take her eyes off of his unrestrained hand. She silently picked him up in a princess. "Aqua, quick! There is no time to waste!"

"Not yet!" said Megumin as she leaped like a squirrel onto the rescuer's back. "Now do it!"

The alleged Aqua found herself utterly speechless. Here they were parading as friends, yet how quick were they to abandon her! Heroic sacrifice? More like let's dine in heaven tonight!

"AHHH!" shrilled Megumin. "Why did you stop your water thing!"

"The name's Nature's Beauty, egghead! Since you guys were so eager to leave me behind, let's see how you like being swarmed alive!"

"Gasp! Darkness, don't listen to her! I know you're much better than-"

"Sure!"

"Of course you'd say that, dammit! Why are there no sane person in the team!?"

"Get a load of this. I can't believe you of all people are complaining about that."

"What did you say?!"

Perhaps lending themselves to petty fights was a matter of course. After all, to divert from it would only render them to plunge into the pit of despair. Save for one and another one, the two fought with desperate passion to keep their wild fear under the surface.

In that moment, when the amber wind draped down onto the four in swift undulation, when the umber wave crawled and slithered up the forged alloy, a beam of white stretched forth; firm and unyielding, merciless yet compassionate, the ray of hope crushed the bugs in its path! One more! Two more! It opened a path wide enough for the angels to march!

"We came to help!" said Eris, her voice spreading like the trumpet of heaven. The three paused, mouth agape, admiring the light shining about her.

Amelia kept the bugs at bay with her extinguisher as she urged, "Quick! Get on your feet! We have to leave now or never!"

"Deus Vult!" Megumin flew swiftly onto Amelia's back.

The alleged Aqua rose to her feet and readied her fans. "Locked and loaded!"

"…I'm ready as well," said Darkness with what seemed to be a disappointed tone.

"Let's go!" said Eris as she blasted out a path.

It was a smooth sail from then on. Nothing could impede Eris' and Amelia's advance, and, coupled with Nature's Beauty, they were untouchable. Also, since they washed off the slimes before they left, the bugs weren't so eager to be in their way. They were now finally free.

The group collapsed to the ground at the first step into safety. Eris herself couldn't help but lean on Amelia as her heels did a number on her ankles. Needless to say, the two villains broke into tears the soonest they realized that they were alive. They were so joyous and grateful to remember their immediate past and hugged each other. But, when Darkness excused herself and Kazuma, Aqua jumped and robbed her of her fantasies.

Megumin sighed and turned to what was once the robot. After gazing at it a while, she withdrew herself from the shapeless swarm.

Eris sat beside Aqua, who lended her lap to Kazuma. "Is he alright?"

"Other than his crazy hand, he's fine," the alleged Aqua assured her as she wiped Kazuma with a towel. "By the way, can we get some space?"

Eris was made aware that she was just shy of one head from kissing him. She took distance in a heartbeat.

"A-Aqua, I think he is ill," said Darkness with a well-hidden frustration. "I say he needs to go to the nurse office at once."

"I know this stuff pretty well, ok? So trust me, Darkness. You don't have to worry about him. And I'm not Aqua by the way."

Darkness' frustration was made slightly more apparent but not so much to be noticed. "I-I see…"

Then a sudden clap greeted the group, the intervals of which had an air of hubris. They turned to it and found the absurd man with a ridiculous mask wearing a galling smile.

"Very well done, students. Moi never thought you'd accomplish such a feat. You've went beyond Moi's expect-" Vanir left the word incomplete as he evaded an exceptionally crude dropkick. "Nice try, but you need to add more speed if you're hoping to ever land it."

"SHUT UP!"

"Yeah, shut up!" the alleged Aqua rose to her feet without a care of her patient. "Nature's Beauty!"

"Haha!" Vanir stepped to the side with the utmost ease; the puny water had no bearing on his prim suit. "Don't waste your time with a trick that has no place but in the garden!"

"Oh! I promise it can be in more places than that! Nature's Beauty: Turbo!"

Turbo or whatnot, Vanir had no difficulties in evading them. Rather, he found the leisure to test his limits, evading them at just the right place and the right time for them to qualify as friendly fire.

Eris, with the help of Amelia, dragged Kazuma away from the two idiots' ingroup fighting. Once in safe distance, Eris nervously did, much to Amelia's protest, what her housemate had done a few moments ago.

…So this is how it feels like in real life.

Amelia found the urge to scratch her head. Why would she allow such a man her lap? I know they cleared their biggest qualm a few days ago, but it shouldn't grant them such proximity… Did something happen yesterday? When I was too ashamed to prolong the practice session? Whatever the case… it's good she's away from that hand with hideous movement.

*BuzZ*

She jumped to her feet at her instinct's behest. The place was abuzz with countless bees, yet the noise managed to achieve distinct presence. Softly beginning to a swift blaring… it was the hum of an assassin.

*BuzZ*

Her eyes widened as they caught onto a yellow bullet whizzing past. "Lady Eris!" she cried as she turned to protect her Lady, but she was met with a rather good news.

"Ah," uttered the sleepyhead in his sleep, acutely aware of the presence up his nose. "Kek."

It should've been like any other dumb noise he ever made, but it was different, alike yet unique, because it was followed by immediate, total silence. It just so happened that there was a pause in the crowd's murmurs, buzzing and roaching, Nature's Beauty and Explosion, and even the wind itself. Why was it so? Was it simply due to pure chance? Did it contain a commanding cadence? Or did it harbor the secret of the universe?

Only Arue seemed vaguely aware as she stared at the shivering clouds. "The gods… are afraid..."

The sting unfastened Kazuma's eyelids, which convulsed in indescribable pain. No spheres of reason were found in his eyes, only pure, white madness in its place. His body had been racked and wrenched with the thirst of thousand throats. So he made a fist with his perverse hand, for they were never quenched! He opened his mouth in furious rebellion!

"KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

The clouds thundered, the ground quivered, and the people shuddered.

"W-What the hell is that noise!?"

"Earthquake! Real earthquake!"

"God forbid it's the end of the world!"

Kazuma rose to his feet as his howl shook the world to its core. He lowered his stance and strengthened his arms, stretching his bind farther and farther to a point of tear. He ripped it apart and came out of his cocoon.

"KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-!"

Golden fire erupted out of Kazuma, sending waves of wind in all directions. And his hair rose and fell as it flashed gold in odd rhythm.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-!"

The bugs screamed in silent terror as the bees took to the stormy air, and the roaches creeped back to their quivering creaks.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-!"

Arue said the truth! Surely, even the gods can't help but tremble before such fearsome sight!

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-!"

He…! He… ugh… I think I've ran out of epic descriptions.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-!"

…

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-!"

---

5 minutes later

---

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

As the lasting howl finally came to an end, a blinding light overwhelmed the land. Once the light subsided, everyone reluctantly opened their eyes, and their jaws dropped down to the ground.

There stood a lone man in the middle of the field. His hair was like a stack of golden spears raised against the gods, and his eyes were as the serene green sea. He stood with pride and menace as fragments of lightning danced about him.

*BuzZ*

Beeing X was a fearless bee. Despite the man's dreadful aura, it didn't hesitate to swoop down on his blind-spot when he's least prepared.

*Buz-*

But it was too haughty. It didn't realize he was now a completely different man. Even so, much lenience should be given it, for who in the world would expect a man to catch a first-rate bee with only his fingers? Without keen observation to boot!

The man stared long into the struggling bee. Then, with a smirk, he pressed his fingers; his lifelong nemesis was now a distant memory. After shaking off the mangled remnant with indifference, he swept the field with cold gaze and stopped at the one who knocked him out. He raised a bag and thrusted his hand into it.

"Steal."

A shrill rang out as the man let out a hearty laugh. Immediately, however, he was made speechless by the object, because the object happened to be a sake.

"N-Nature's Beauty!" chanted the knocker, leading the content of the sake to burst out to a fine rainbow. "I-I didn't blow my wallet to drink a very expensive sake or anything… It's just one of the props… really…"

The man threw away the bottle in a merciless fit, breaking it into pieces. He then heard a squeal not too far from him. Turning to it, he found Eris startled by the broken bottle. His arms sored, reminding of her torture a few days back.

Eris was gripped by fear. Those eyes… they're those eyes! The same ones that ravaged-

"Steal."

Eris fell to her knees, tears pooling by her eyes. She would have devolved to a broken tape and mumble on endlessly, but what she saw struck her dumb. She couldn't believe that he waved her panties wildly about in the eyes of the crowd. Tears flowed, accompanied by constant gibberish.

"Why you trash!" Amelia charged forth, taking out a bat out of thin air. "How dare you shame Lady Eris!" She swung her bat down onto his head! But her eyes opened wide, bewildered that her all-out-attack was stopped by a single hand. She was then filled with sobering dread as she saw his expression completely unfazed. "You… You're different… What are you?"

The man smirked. "Forgetful aren't you? Let me remind you then… I am the man who came all the way from the bottom of hell to put women like you back in their proper place. I am the harbinger of true gender equality, just an everyday man fed up with your one-sided bullshit. I am-" a punch to the face cut him in short, but it couldn't cut out his smirk, "…the Thot Slayer."

Amelia felt something snap within her; she could no longer stand his sleazy mouth. She let go of the bat to throw another punch, all to see this man groveling at her feet! But her wish fluttered away in the soonest moment as her fist could no longer reach its target, for he had caught it. The next thing she knew, her collar had been grabbed, and a streaking shadow swept in from the side.

*Slap*

She wasn't sure what had just happened. The burning pain on her cheek informed her that she had been slapped… but, even so, she wasn't sure. This kind of thing never happened to her. She just couldn't wrap her head around i-

*Slap*

She finally came around and arrived at the truth that she, a woman, had been hit by a man. Twice no less! It was enough to relit the fire in her eyes, and she pulled back her leg to deliver a knee stri-

*Slap*

She realized the need for defense. So she raised her arms to guard her head. Now, if only she could find an openi-

*Slap*

Impossible! Sure, movies and reality don't have much in common, but it should have some bearing on-!

*Slap*

"Stop!" she shouted to buy time. "Sto-"

*Slap*

"Hey! I sai-"

*Slap*

*Slap*

"S-Stop! I beg-"

*Slap*

*Slap*

*Slap*

Thot Slayer stopped his hand just an inch away from her swollen cheek. He had no mind to further swell it as a stream of tear flowed upon it.

"Please… stop…"

He sighed and released the woman. "Now, we're even. Just don't go swinging your bat at another guy or you could end up much worse." He left her to search for another thot.

""HEY!""

Thot Slayer stopped in his track as the thots themselves came right before him. They were the thots that had tied him to a chair and beaten him alive! Now they were trying to do the same with pitchforks and torches!

"Steal!" He didn't end with just one robbed panties! So he got two robbed panties! Three robbed panties! Till none more available! "STEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLL!" As the echo sunk into the sky, no one was left standing before him.

He feasted his eyes on their tears, then took their panties and took a whiff, only to revolt from it. It smelled exactly like their souls: stinky. He threw away the trash and purified himself with Eris'.

As Thot Slayer was busy indulging himself, a spear of light came down from the turbulent heaven, spreading itself for a moment of blindness. But there was no sound; it didn't root itself to render a thunder. And there was silence in her steps as well. Without so much a soft thud nor a whisper in the air, the incarnation of pure resentment came to stand behind him in dangerous proximity.

"Kazuma," said she, her voice as ghastly as that of a devil, "you have not only beaten a woman but have also stolen their panties. My judgement is you die."

He turned his head 180 degrees even before his body could follow just to provide a response, "Ok, boomer."

Silence. Another utter silence in the sky, the ground, the crowd, and the crying girls. They all gave their pause, unable to comprehend what he had just said.

But how clear was it to Wiz.

"I'm still in my twenties!" Her amplified resentment manifested into a fist of breakneck speed. It tore through the air and pounded his head! But her face fell, because the punch felt as though she had hit the air and not the skull, and she was soon proven right. The figure before her swayed and scattered like a smoke.

"I'm here."

Wiz almost gasped. No one was able to escape her radar, much less taking her exposed back. She couldn't believe her perfect record had been shattered not by a soldier nor an assassin but her own student. But most infuriating of all, he used the exclusive advantage to mock her. She turned to him with a grimace.

"I don't know, Wiz. Not a lot of people swing their arm at the empty air. I think you're having dementia."

Dementia, a disease pertaining to the decline of mental functions, often found in those of old age, which do not go well together with the title of any president neither a young woman, had just been used against her, a lawfully young woman!

Deathly gale erupted out of Wiz. Her brown eyes congested to full scarlets, and her hair whipped about, leaving whizzing cuts in the air. She crushed her hand to the point of fist and pulled it back for one brutal hit.

"Death Blow."

For the first time since his transformation, Thot Slayer lost his smirk. He no longer had the leisure to keep it as the spear of death had arrived in the blink of an eye.

*BOOM*

A brief roaring swept the field. Despite the blaring noise, everyone couldn't take their eyes off of the outcome. And they groaned in frustration, while a few sighed in relief, for Thot Slayer was still standing.

A cold sweat ran down his temple. He could only imagine what would've happened if the punch, which left such a dent on his arm, landed clean on his face. But he had no heart to be glad, not before Wiz pulling back another fist.

"Death Blow."

He managed to block it again. Though the punch put a further strain on his arms, he could endure it.

"Death Blow."

Again, he could endure it.

"Death Blow."

Only…

"Death Blow."

In the premise that…

"Death Blow."

The concept of exhaustion applied to her.

"Death Blow."

"Death Blow."

"Death Blow."

Unless…

"Death Blow."

There was a pause, followed by a surprise. None other than Wiz was surprised, even shocked. Thot Slayer, who could only defend himself, managed to do the unthinkable, the impossible! Nobody, not even her combat instructor, ever managed to dodge her signature strike. Yet here he was!

Lucky bastard…

A fluke, she deemed so. No other explanations could better resonate with the reality. She stuck stubbornly to that idea as she readied another strike.

"Death Blow!"

Dodged! Yet Again! By hair's breath, he had dodged! Fluke! A mere fluke! She couldn't stand on any other grounds!

"Death Blow!"

Yet her strike fell flat once again. He had dodged her in her better state, so a punch stirred in panic had no chance at all. But there was no way Wiz could accept that fact. She began in a flurry of attack in an attempt to prove her point, but none of them left a dot on its target. And, eventually, the rug was pulled out from under her towering stamina.

"How!?" she cried, heaving.

Thot Slayer stretched a smirk. "Kaioken, motherfucker."

Wiz gritted her teeth; he had mocked her yet again! She couldn't hold back herself from lashing out!

"Death Bl-!"

*Slap*

Her fist went amiss as she lost all strength and fell to the ground. She couldn't get up right away as her mind was as blank as a clean whiteboard, and her cheeks grew increasingly red. "Y-You… You...!"

Even with the countless strikes, she couldn't bring him down, yet he managed to do so with just one. But do not be mistaken. The illustrious strike had not landed on her cheek. It had landed on her boobs.

That strike was especially awakening to him, as though submerged in supreme pleasure. He felt the huge temptation in his hand to feel it again, to sink his hand into her asset, but he suppressed it. The victim of his hand must stop at Serena.

He shook the weight off his hand. "Wiz, you shouldn't beat a man just because you're triggered. I hope you learn from this." He turned back from the stammering Wiz.

"Hold on," said a masked man as he placed his hand on Thot Slayer's shoulder, stopping him, "Moi can't let you go scot-free after having made such a mess."

Thot Slayer was shocked; he couldn't detect his presence until he revealed himself. He jumped away from the masked man immediately.

"You don't have to be so wary, Thot Slayer. As long as you're obedient, Moi won't hurt you."

Thot Slayer wasn't inclined to believe him; promises uttered under a mask cannot be trusted no matter the good record. He readied himself. If push comes to shove, he would double his strength. But there came a whiz from behind, and, remaining true to his instinct, he dodged the knife.

The masked man caught the knife that had been aimed at him all along. "Woe is Moi… Moi is too fragile to endure such hatred."

"Cut the joke," said Wiz, not in the least humored. "He's mine."

"Huahahaha! How interesting! Moi never imagined your unfleshly heart could ever know lov-" he was cut in short as he was literally almost cut. "Fine, but you have to bear the task of disciplining him." Receiving the hostile glare from the woman, the masked man took his leave.

Thot Slayer turned to Wiz and stared at her. "We don't have to do this." His advice had been met with a knife, which was easily caught. "I'm warning you, Wiz," he said, gravely. "You won't like it if we take it any further."

Wiz had no mind for dialogue neither a compromise. All her thoughts amounted to getting revenge for what he had done to her. There was no other way to see the end of it.

She threw yet another knife.

"You fool!"

Thot Slayer deflected the knife with his hand and charged against Wiz. They soon clashed into a fit of strikes, but the balance had already tipped. She was exhausted, and no amount of will-power could right it. All her strikes never hit its target; all she could do was to hold on tight to her mouth from letting out even the softest of whimper.

Thot Slayer glared at the reckless thot… how foolish, the lot of them! He didn't want to do this, but she had crossed the line- no, she had already crossed the line many times over!

"This one is for this morning!"

*Slap*

"This one is for two days ago!"

*Slap*

"And this is for that time in the roof!"

*Slap*

"Do you still remember how you almost choked me to death!?"

*Slap*

"How about that time in your house!?"

*Slap*

"Somehow, I don't remember you ever acting like a teacher!"

*Slap*

"Hn-!" a tiny moan escaped Wiz's mouth. She was losing strength with each strike, but she stubbornly held onto her pride. "I was always your teacher! I've always done it to punish your misdeeds!"

"Lies!" He slapped both her boobs with both his hands. "Sure! I've done terrible things in few cases, and I feel bad for them! But most of them involved you overreacting to petty things!"

"How is cheating a petty thing!?"

"It is petty! You! You…! You…" He ground to a halt and said, "What did you just say?"

"Let me repeat! How is cheating a petty thing!? How can I stay still when you fawn over other women when you had already professed your love to me!?"

"What!?" the shriek came from the crowd. But this useless information did not matter at the moment.

"Wait… hold on a sec, I confessed? When?"

"Back in my house!"

"What!?" the same shriek came from the crowd. I had no choice but to share this useless information as the useless shriek was especially loud.

"What!?" This one came from the trash. "I don't remem…ber…" he trailed off as he came to have an idea of what she was referring to.

"What…?" And this came from Wiz. "So… you played… with me…"

"Huh?!"

"So you played with me…"

"W-W-Wait, wait, wait! Don't gather your resentment just yet! I can explain-!"

"So you played with me…!"

"I'm begging you! We don't have to fight if we just-!"

"So you played with me!"

"Oh, dam-" he was cut in short as a knife came hurtling in. He dodged, but he was instantly met with another knife; Wiz had come to cut him apart. Even so, Thot Slayer didn't lose his cool. He was confident he could dodge all her attacks, more so now that she was exhausted. Such cheeky thoughts ran in his head until he felt a sharp pain on his cheek. It didn't even take a second for his heightened senses to realize he had been cut.

"You. Will. Pay." were the words Wiz repeated in hushed tone. Nobody was able to hear it, not even Wiz as all her senses were devoted to impale him. There was nothing in this world but the loathsome man before her.

She threw her arm; the knife left a cut on his skin by his eye.

A miss…

She whipped her arm; the knife that was meant to take his ear only took a pinch of his bleached hair.

Almost there… oh…

She was disarmed. He had somehow caught her wrists and twisted them, rendering her to drop the knives.

So what?

She lunged forth, baring her teeth; the vicious blades sunk into his neck, bursting the first scream out of his mouth.

Crazy bitch!

Thot Slayer made a coherent thought, an amazing stunt to pull under the nerve-racking pain. His pointless use of his depleting brain space didn't really matter as his instinct kicked in, leading him to shove her off. However, no amount of adrenaline gave him enough strength to uproot her vengeance.

"AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!" another chilling scream left his mouth as her teeth dug deeper into his flesh. He was now frantic, searching for any and even the smallest thing to get him out of this. And, on the spur of the moment, a vile, capricious idea made itself eminent.

Eureka! That's it!

Far from the smallest thing, rather the biggest thing! Her boobs! They were the only way out of this! With no time to waste, he sent his hands onto her waist and went about a great exploration.

"Hnn!"

Her unrestrained moan couldn't be sweeter to his ears. With eagerness that rivals the wildfire, his hands raced up her valleys.

"Kya!" Wiz squealed at long last. She couldn't keep her teeth on the prize and pushed him away lest she should fall to her knees and become the very prize.

Thot Slayer finally had the room to breathe, proceeding to do just that. However, when he sent his hand to caress his neck, the truth reared its ugly head. Oh shit…, he thought as he stared at his wild, unruly hands. They want more!

The monster inside Wiz was still howling with the deepest indignation, yet her instinct protested. Even her dumb hair stretched to the rear as if suggesting to flee… flee from those terrifying hands.

Believe it or not, Thot Slayer was trying his darndest to calm his hands. That's a bit late to count as genuine effort, but he was sincere. If his life wasn't on the line, he wouldn't have broken his fresh oath to begin with. Nevertheless, the fire had been lit. Nothing but the tears of his victim could extinguish it.

"Run!" cried Thot Slayer, desperately holding back his hands that gravitated toward her enormous mass. "FUCKING RUN!"

Wiz stood dumb, baffled. She needed a moment to comprehend the sheer amount of his audacity. He was confident. Absolutely confident that he could easily catch her even if she made a run for it. Her antenna told her otherwise, but she could no longer trust it. And the sight of his jarring hands only hardened her reasoning.

Thot Slayer's face fell as Wiz readied a stance, ever more eager to put up a fight. "Are you out of your mind!? Do you want to be molested to death!?"

"Why ye- never!"

Oh boy, the one who shouldn't be here the most had come.

"I cannot believe what you have done to the girls, Kazuma! Even though you became very close to my ideal type, just short of tanned skin, I will not allow you to have your way any longer!"

Thot Slayer felt as though a hammer hit the back of his head.

"You fiend! How come you always leave me ou-! Ehem. How come you always commit such atrocities like they're nothing!"

He couldn't believe what this wily ass bitch was on about.

"You have found fierce might… but I will never back down no matter what you throw at me!"

That she, the one responsible for it all, had come to villainize him, all while making a hero of herself.

"What are you doing just standing there!? Come face me, NOW!"

Thot Slayer's hands came to a rest, then to a fist. He began walking, his eyes set on the biggest thot before him. He didn't care whether she had a peculiar kink. She would cry nonetheless.

"Death Blow."

Words not louder than a fluttering butterfly were buried under the wrenched wind. Her arm had wrenched it. She had emerged behind him to deliver her vengeance.

Yet how empty was his flesh…

"You asked for it."

Wiz gasped, not due to the chilling ruthlessness in his tone nor his sudden appearance behind her but the blatant grasp of her breasts.

"OOPSIE! My hands slipped!"

The term 'slip' was nowhere near enough to account for his brazen hand movements, but it was enough to describe how her knees fell. Quick and helpless.

"Do you still want to go on!? HUH!?" Thot Slayer exclaimed, his hands doubling its speed and savagery. "COME ON! TELL ME!"

Wiz bit her lip to fasten her mouth. One wrong slip would make her leak the most shameful sound. Instead of mouth, she spoke through her hands, biting his arms with her nails.

"LOUD AND CLEAR! LOUD AND FUCKING CLEAR!" His hands pulled up her boobs, raising her to her feet. It came short of knocking a yelp out of her, but it didn't stop there.

Wiz felt nervous in the stomach as her feet went off the ground. Only when she saw the sky instantly reverse did she realize what was going on. She sought every possible means of escape with what little moments she had, only to be disturbed by an obligatory, hysteric cry.

"BOOB SUPPLEX!"

With a thump, the mass of resentment dissipated, and Wiz laid bitterly cold.

"Wiz!" Darkness shrilled, genuinely horrified for her friend, yet genuinely jealous at the same time. "You monster! How could you…," she trailed off, shocked, slowly going mad at the sight before her.

Thot Slayer had fallen to his knees, breathing rather laboriously. To counter the ambush, he had to double the strength of his Kaioken, and he was now suffering the consequence. And one of the consequences involved de-transformation.

"HOW COULD YOU!" She was mad like never before as the near-ultimate manifestation of her desire vanished before she even got the tiniest taste of it.

She wasn't the only one incensed about it. The crowd, who witnessed everything, finally had the chance to execute judgement. Off with this head.

"GET HIM!"

"You will pay, you panty thief!"

"Yeah! Let's chew him out for cheating on me!"

As Kazuma calmed down, his conscience slowly surfaced, and he couldn't escape from shuddering to his bones. He closed his eyes, because the proof of his crime was too apparent; her dull, unmoving eyes stared right back at him. Enormous guilt weighed down on his shoulders. Only the fact that she had no problem with her breathing did somewhat to comfort him.

"GET UP!" Darkness cried, pulling Kazuma by the collar. "We have to escape while we still have the chance!"

The sight of her unapologetic shitface made for a good excuse. "It's all your fault! If only you haven't-!"

*Slap*

After shutting him down, Darkness lifted him up onto her shoulder. "Enough talk! We will continue this somewhere private!" She then went on a mad dash, utilizing her exceptional speed to narrowly escape the first line of executioners.

Perhaps the gods saw the trouble had passed. They released the clouds from their great burden and wrought the land to be damp. He shall be damned.

Darkness managed to pull an outstanding maneuver, evading the executioners like a snake. But the earth grew soft and soon filled with squelches. Even she couldn't keep her fast pace on the muds, and the odds of escape shrunk slimmer and slimmer.

"Can't you run faster!?" cried Kazuma, his cheeky guts apparent once again. "We'll get caught at this rate!"

"If you have the strength to shout, then use it to harass me! Punish me! Make me feel like the lowest slave so I can be rejuvenated!"

Kazuma was speechless. She was a total bitch in every sense of the word! The last thing he wanted was to do as she had told, but damn he had to live!

He sighed deeply. "Your legs are so fat they ca- kek!"

"I'm not fat!"

"…What use is there for your iron muscles if- kek!"

"I'm not hard!"

"Fat yes, damn hard you are, bitch! The fuck do you expect from me!? You think I can figure out all the subtlety and nuances of a woman? Then I wouldn't be here with a hopeless masochist like you!"

"Hng! D-Do not slander me! I never claimed to be a masochist!"

"OH SHUT UP!"

For better or worse, the switch in Kazuma had been flipped. His mouth was now a rapid conveyor belt of every curse on the book, acting as oil for Darkness' steamy engine. It still didn't seem they could escape, but they could surely buy more time.

Away from the shitshow of a chase, a woman sat on the muddy field with the rain over her head. She seemed detached from reality, seemingly disinterested to the chaos around her.

"He is not Katou… He is not Katou… He is not Katou… He is not…"

To be more precise, she was just too caught up in her denial.

"Lady Eris…," said Amelia, thoroughly defeated, "we have to take shelter." Despite saying so, she herself didn't seem willing to heed her own advice.

""We're ravaged. We can't get married anymore. We're ravaged. We can't get married anymore. We're ravaged…""

…Her peers didn't seem all that willing too.

There was an unusual weight in the air about them, an air of which one would not want to enter. But Vanir had to. He had a promise to fulfill after all (also, though not his taste, their gloominess was still serviceable).

"The way you are easily disillusioned is more than I can imagine," marked Vanir as he went close to Eris. "One stolen panties should be indicative enough of his aberrant nature, so why be so hopeful?"

Eris finally paused her tape and turned to look. She found the masked man with a smile in between pity and mock, then her eyes immediately caught the unconscious teacher on his back. "What happened to Ms. Wiz?"

Vanir sighed. "She overestimated her strength like she always does."

She didn't understand what he meant but didn't care enough to press on. She still had to wallow in her sorrow after all. She stood up to get it over with.

Seeing the willingness of his recipient, Vanir smiled. He took out the necklace and handed it to her. "Here is the promised necklace. Though you don't seem all that thrilled, take good care of it. There is no refund in my book."

Eris stared blankly into the amethyst dangling off his hand. The somber gem bore countless glitters, yet not a single jitter was stirred in Eris. Nevertheless, it may prove to be a good distraction. She raised her hand to take it and came very close to getting it, but a loud, piercing noise, characteristic of a mishandled mic, interrupted her.

[[LISTEN!]] cried she. [[I have a grave news. A big fat… small thin news…]]

For a reason unknown, purely by the so called sixth sense, Eris felt a dreadful shiver run up her spine. She turned to the panelists and found a woman by the vacant desk. Her eyes were filled with a passionate justice, burning with the thirst to topple a colossal prejudice. And they were directed straight at her.

[[There is a bold-faced liar among us. We men have been played around by her lie every single day! I came here for the sole purpose of exposing her empty front!]]

The world just became darker. Or so Eris felt. Yet her eyes were active, racing through the rainy veil, catching onto the curious gazes of the crowd, and, at last, seeking mercy with a pleading look.

But no blood can be squeezed out of a turnip.

[[ERIS PADS HER CHEST!]]

CHEST~~~!

CHEST~~!

CHEST~!

CHEST~

…

The echoing news brought shock to the crowd. Soon, a lot of them, mostly men, expressed their doubts, but they gradually came to a halt. They had no words to explain the harrowing terror in her eyes.

"H-He's lying!" she cried, desperately, but desperation and crisis weren't a good mix. Her action was as though pouring ink on her burning canvas.

"Lady Eris," said Amelia, her voice trembling, "we have to leave. We have to leave now!" She pulled Eris, but her lady wouldn't budge, not even a single step.

Her breathtaking beauty had always rooted men to their spot, polishing their eyes to reflect her splendor. Now, a poetic justice, their eyes had turned Eris to a stone. And a pull from Amelia tipped her over, falling to the ground, shattering to million pieces. If only her dress was big enough to reflect the whole stain, perhaps she could have received pity.

"YOU LIAR!"

"I can't believe you deceived us!"

"I trusted you! I even planned to confess! But pads!? PADS?!"

More and more cried their frustration, and there weren't enough hands to block them. She wished she had two more pairs… even just one more would do. She only wanted to hear less of them.

"Stop…," she whispered, tears soaking her trembling lips. Her voice gradually broke to a sob, but she wasn't even allowed to hear it. Only the downpour of curses knocked on her ears. "Then I would just be a flat-chested girl," she retorted, silently, barely holding onto her snivel. "Without them, no one will look at me... It's as if I'm only as worthy as my..." pads, she didn't say the word. The hopelessly demeaning word, she couldn't say it. She sniveled, and sniveled some more. She wondered if the clouds would do her a favor and send a lightning. She may be hit or not, but it didn't really matter. She just wanted to be deaf even if it's just for a moment.

And that wish was granted rather quickly.

"EXPLOSION!"

Mighty fire spread itself among the clouds, devouring the veil in the sky. The clouds had to retreat even further as gales swept out in all corners. Swiftly, they vanished. Now, a gaping hole had been punctured up above. There were no murky troops nearby to bar the light from spilling down onto the land. And so they cascaded, falling on top of each other, erecting a glorious pillar of light.

No one could utter a word, not even Eris as she gawked at the man standing before her. She wondered: how his golden spikes beamed under the light; how wide his back seemed; and how firm he stood against them.

The man glared fiercely at the crowds. "I was once stabbed in the back, left to rot with a broken soul," he started, his voice low but penetrating. He then beat his heart. "But! With her smile! With her touch! She breathed into me a new life!" The man continued, stretching his hand toward the sky, the pointed finger of which sparkled under the sun. "If you're gonna search for a woman, dig through the pads of pretense. Even if she turns out to be as flat as board, so long as her soul's good, then you've found the gem!" The man gritted his teeth. "Who the hell do you think she is? She's not some padded wench nor some backstabbing slut! She is Eris. Eris the thief that filled my heart!"

Eris gaped at the man. She couldn't understand half of what he said, but the raw emotion, that thrilling passion! She had no defense for that. She could only watch as it pierced deep into her chest.

And no words came from the crowds. He's right. Pads or not, it didn't really matter. What's most important is the soul, not the boobs. But one of them begged to differ.

[[Are you betraying the boobs!?]] she shrieked. [[Women are worthless if they're flat!]]

"Just you watch..." was all he said in return. He raised a bag and his other hand. The hand resumed its feral movement, but the man didn't seem at all faltered; he was in full control. The movement grew faster and faster to the point it didn't seem like a hand. It rather seemed like...

"The drill!" Arue exclaimed, astonished at the discovery. "I know that... I know that move! It's...!"

"It's the super-duper magic trick lost to history!" Aqua exclaimed this time, popping up just beside Arue. "Only a few writings of it remain, but I can feel it! That's the legendary technique that once shook the world!"

Super-duper technique, she said, but the man had no difficulty whatsoever in pulling the trick. He didn't even break a single sweat when his drill started making a sharp, zinging noise. Heck, sparks were flying off the thing!

The man set the drill against the bag as he eyed the crowds, especially the woman. He gritted his teeth without even knowing as the image of Eris flashed in his head. Shattered and broken. Many times worse than he had ever seen. He may not have the right to be, but the seething rage had been kindled within him. There was no stopping until he showed them what it means to hurt Eris.

"Ultimate move...," said the man, balefully, quickening the drill even more. "GIGA STEAL SLAAAAAKKKEE!" He thrusted the drill into the bag! Followed immediately by the gush of clothes! Hundreds and thousands of them flew out of the bag like debris! In an instant, the drill pierced a hole in the proverbial dam; the bag had swollen to its limit. The man brought his hand out of the bag and held the hole against the sky. Panties, panties, panties, and some bras, they burst out of it in an explosion of panorama.

The world came to a still. The oscillation of countless doves was too marvelous that a solemn, quiet admiration had to be offered.

""KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!""

Until the women cracked.

""OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!""

And the men ruptured. Looking closer to the stolen goods on the floor, there seemed to be an ample amount of wallets and currencies. But the men had no mind for it. Cash? They were trash before the panties!

The man smiled, satisfied. He held three odd things in his hand: sapphire necklace, amethyst necklace, and a peculiarly familiar eye patch. And there fell a long, golden wig in front of him.

"I get it now..."

The man turned to the voice and found the man.

The man had a warm smile, which beamed with enlightenment. "I don't need sneaky means to peek at their panties. All I need is to rob them upfront."

The man nodded.

"Hey," he uttered, doubtful, "do you think... do you think I can be as shameless and brazen as you?"

He pointed himself and then him as he said,"Believe in me who believes in you."

A surprise found its way onto his face, and he gave a genuine laugh. "I see..." He turned on heel and walked away.

As he watched on, a sudden groan escaped his mouth, and he fell to his knees. His transformation was shortly reverted.

"Are you alright?" said Eris, holding him by the shoulder.

"I'm alri...," Kazuma trailed off. Her face was too close that her breath was touching his lips. It was very warm, which was not surprising, considering it came from such flushed face. Kazuma wondered if he was letting out such warm breath too. His cheeks grew hot after all.

"YOU FIEND!"

A roar full of indignation broke their trance. It came from a thoroughly frustrated bitch.

"MY NECKLACE!"

A shriek startled them, and they found that it came a mask-less woman with a long, flowing blue hair.

"GIVE ME BACK MY HAIR!"

And they were shocked to find that the hysteric cry came from their principal, whose head happened to be semi-bald.

"I have to go!" Kazuma rose to his feet, only to be stopped by Eris' pull.

Eris looked up to him with a damp gaze. "Take me too...," she uttered; shyly but firmly she uttered.

Kazuma was surprised, because, before he even contemplated the absurdity of slowing himself with a companion, he had already carried her in princess. With a firm hold even.

Eris wanted to file a complaint. She never asked for this. She never asked him to jolt her heart with million watts! She stretched her arms with an intention to punish him, to wring his neck out. You lucky dumb, she whispered. No one heard it, and no neck was wringed, but embraced.

With a lighter load on his arms, Kazuma sprinted, cutting through the chaotic crowds.

"Halt, you little brat!" shouted Vanir, standing in Kazuma's way. "Don't think you can run off after causing such-" he was cut in short as an object with a blue sheen flew in his way. He caught it. "Isn't this..."

"MY NECKLACE!"

Vanir was promptly pounced by the owner. "Get off, pillock! Can't you see your boyfriend's running off with another-!"

"NECKLACE!"

Kazuma passed right by the two.

"There he goes...," said Megumin, holding onto her jogging pants. "He stole all my thunder and my panties... but man was he cool!" She heard a little groan... or was it a moan? Anyhow, she turned to her side, where Arue was on her knees with bent back and red face, while clutching her chest. "...Are you ok?"

"No...," she said, voice trembling. "He had toppled it..."

"Toppled what?"

"The tallest, the sturdiest tower in the world..."

"Huh?"

Arue tightened her clutch and whispered ever so silently, "My heart."

Kazuma was racing with all he got, but his stamina neared its depletion. By the time he crossed the school gate, he had to stop for a moment to catch his breath.

"Hey!"

The sudden call grabbed him. Turning to it, he found the Ruffian leaning on the wall.

"Howdy, hero. Need a ride?" he said as he pointed at the bicycle beside him.

Kazuma broke into a smile. "Yeah, thanks!"

"Don't mention it," he said it with a smirk.

They exchanged thumbs up, and Kazuma started the bicycle with Eris on the back seat. They rode down the road and into the town.

As they rode through the wind, Eris realized that it was empty. Her breasts that is, they were gone, the dress of that area fluttering too! She grabbed the closest thing to cover herself. Then she heard it.

*Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump!*

It was a fast, exciting sound, which was kind of familiar too... huh... It's his heartbeat! Eris pushed his back, too startled. She almost fell, but she managed to hang onto him. Let's leave out the part where she hugged him again in the process.

She thought about covering it in one arm, but she forewent the idea as it would look ridiculous. So... it couldn't be helped. All things considered, this was the only way that is both safe and effective. There was no ulterior motive behind this but a purely practical purpose. Besides, he had to compensate for stealing them.

She went on to drape herself onto his back, plunging into his warmth, wrapping herself with his heartbeats. She then buried her face on him. She couldn't show it to anyone the unrestrainable display of emotion.

After all, for once in her life, Eris was glad there was nothing in between their hearts.

---

And we were caught.

No amount of good luck was ever going to get me through this. This ain't Hollytree after all. But am glad, I guess. They freed me after checking my being drugged. Of course, I immediately spilled the beans that it was all Lalatina's fault. And, surprisingly, she agreed... but I knew, oh how could I not? She was secretly excited for whatever was in store for her.

Which made it all the more sweet when the men in black appeared again and freed her. The face she made after was just too good! Only... I wished they did the flash thing with my parents as well...

They kicked me out, which was only natural. A trash like me don't deserve a home.

"Sigh..."

But I couldn't help myself from being dejected. The sunset looked good nevertheless, even from the bench beside the police station.

"You shitty NEET! Why do you keep cheating!"

And here comes aqua...

"Yeah, yeah, but cheating implies we have been a couple, which we never were."

Aqua blushed, finally aware that she implied something embarrassing. She then forced herself to sneer. "My, oh my, I wonder how much mental flips you had to do to ever assume I meant it that way..."

Huh? Wait a minute, am I really the only one who-

"S-So!"

There was a tug at my sleeve, and I found that it was Eris. She held onto my sleeve while holding her head low. From the glimpses of skin I caught in between her silky hair, I deemed that she was blushing.

Eris raised her head to look at Aqua. "So you are saying that you two are not couple... and have no intention to be one?"

"H-Huh?" uttered Aqua, panicking. She seemed as though she never thought someone would ask that. Who am I kidding? I never saw this coming too. "Hah! M-Me? With a NEET? How could that ever happen!?"

The two of us went utterly speechless. I didn't mean me and Eris, but me and Aqua. We lost words before Eris' genuinely happy face, and I wasn't such a dense douche to not catch the hint.

Eris tugged again at my sleeve, while letting her silver hair veil over her eyes. "The necklace... it's mine."

I hurriedly took out the necklace out of my pocket and handed it to her, all while cursing how stupid I looked.

But she tugged at my sleeve yet again. "...Can you put it on my neck instead?"

KABOOM! Whatever that was, it exploded in my head in such a way that a MOAB could only dream of. Slowly, I went to her back and held her silver hair. Then I wondered, how the hell do I do this? I never put a necklace on anyone... yeah, there was that time with Aqua, but I basically threw it up her head.

Welp, it's a new adventure then.

Eris flinched as I put my arms over her shoulders, but she gave no further reaction. Only staying as still as a stone. I raked her hair back, pulling them over her shoulders, letting them fall down to her waist like how my heart almost fell out of its ribs.

"Whew...," I breathed. I needed one to calm myself.

With fresh air, coupled with her whiff, I motioned my hands around her neck, trying so hard to not touch it. And I did! Successfully wrapping her neck with the necklace! Now what? From the touch in my fingers, I realized it's a lock. A tiny, fucking lock I had to connect without a close look... Shit! My thinking was too short! What an idio-!

"...Here," Eris muttered as she raised her hair, revealing the spotless skin with a tinge of pink.

I swallowed a saliva without even knowing. I would swallow even more if it would calm my hands. But there was no more to swallow, and, despite her help, in spite of the clear view, my finger slightly brushed her neck.

Eris visibly winced, and I almost screamed. What the hell were we doing? I was just putting on a necklace, so why was it squeezing my heart so much!?

"Can't you get on already?" said Amelia annoyingly, but too distanced to properly express it. "It's distressing to see you up close with Lady Eris."

"Sh-Shut up."

I took another brea- shut up! No more breath! Just bite the bullet and be done with it! And, somehow, I managed to do it in a singly try.

"Tha-Thanks...," said Eris, wrapping her neck with the silver scarf. She turned around and still refused to look me in the eyes, not that I was capable of doing it. But I was able to see the amethyst on her chest, held in her hands. "K-Kazuma... I..."

...It's here. The time had come. Finally, after 17 years of solo life, I'm getting a girlfriend (Yami ain't counted). But... what's that noise? A weird, whimpering noise that I'm not sure how I'm familiar with... oh... it's Aqua. She's about to burst her quivering lips and pooling tears.

"You're cheating again... you're cheating again...!"

Oh, you tsundere...

"What's with that smirk!? What's so funny!?"

"Nothing. Nothing."

"You...! You stupid shutinNEET!"

"Yes, yes, I'm just a stupid shutinNEET, so don't bother me and Eris. We're quite busy at the moment. So shoo, shoo."

That did the trick. Nature's Beauty coming up.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Ahh, it's a great feeling to have two girls fighting for me at the same time... should we go abroad? I heard Islam allows polygamy...

"What is going on here?" said my pet, coming out of the police station with Megumin and the men in black. "Why is Aqua and Eris pulling you from both sides?"

I looked straight into her eyes, enticing her with my brand new aura. "Lalatina mamacita, wanna join- kek!"

"Oops, sorry. It was on instinct."

I have no idea how hitting someone in the head could be done on instinct...

Lalatina sighed. "Thank you for your help as always," she said to the men in black. "But I would not need it when the time comes again."

"No problem," said one of the men in black, whose voice happened to be that of a woman. Hence, he was a she, dressing as a man. "We have no problem helping our kin's friend. So we'll help when the time comes again!"

Lalatina somehow made a face that was both happy and disappointed. "Thank you."

The men in black nodded, said their farewells to us, and walked away.

"So...," Megumin started, "where will you live now?"

"...Dunno."

I really didn't know. Wiz's home was out of the option. I didn't even know what she would do if we meet again. So Megumin? JBI. Lalatina? JBI in a different way. Then how about...

It was then that I felt another tug at my sleeve.

"If... if you have nowhere to go... do you want to live in our place?"

KABOOM! Before this particular explosion went off in my head, I replied faster than the speed of light.

"Yes please."

---

Author's Note: This is stupid... So stupid... but I can't help but like it! I embraced the fact that there is no story in my story, so why not go all out and make it the craziest thing ever? I think I went over the board like I usually do, but all's good that cracks a laugh!

I know it's cruel to hang the story at a cliff like this, so I will try to add another chapter. Don't expect it will come any sooner though.