Chapter 23
It was around 4 AM when Hinata woke up. She had been in a state of deep sleep so awareness came slowly to her. She stretched and realized that she was naked under the covers and then glanced up suddenly remembering the events of last night.
She felt a blush wash over her but it was probably a little too late to be blushing now.
As more awareness returned to her, she realized that she was tucked against Neji and her body was plastered to his, and her face was resting on his chest. She didn't want to wake up the man next to her so she discreetly observed him without moving her body too much. He was sleeping on his back and looked very peaceful.
She slowly started to sit up and disengaged herself in gradual movements so as not to disturb him and took her time looking over him, wanting to remember this… and wanting to remember him. He looked beautiful of course, with his patrician features relaxed in slumber. Being able to look at him so unguarded like this was a treasure in itself.
Hinata knew Neji had to leave soon so she quietly got out of the bed and went around the bedroom gathering their clothes, leaving what was his in a neat pile on the bed. Then she went on to have a wash and changed into a fresh nightgown and a robe.
Afterwards she tiptoed in to the kitchen to make them coffee. She should wake him up soon… but she wanted to let him rest a little bit longer. He had a long journey ahead of him.
She looked at the coffee maker contemplatively as bits and pieces of last night flashed through her mind. It had been wonderful, exhilarating and way better than she had ever imagined. She had no regrets.
She heard some movement in the bedroom and heard Neji also going into the washroom to freshen up. She was just pouring the coffee into cups when he came out looking for her. He had his pants and shirt on.
Now that she was facing him upon a new day some of her bravado from last night faded and she blushed from the roots of her hair to the tips of her toes looking at him.
"Oh come on Hinata" he said laughing and coming up to her bringing her into the circle of his arms. He kissed her softly, "Don't be embarrassed with me. I love you".
She passed him his coffee wordlessly because really, she had no words.
"When do you leave?" she settled for asking instead.
"Um.. we are scheduled to leave around 9 AM. So I should get going soon", he said, glancing at her wall clock. "I still need to finish packing, wash up and thank a few people before leaving".
Mhmm, she agreed with him and watched him while sipping on her own coffee.
"I'll write to you," Neji said looking at her. She nodded happily, but her words still seemed to be absent.
"C'mon" he said as he softly pulled on her arm walking them over to the couch, sitting her down beside him. He wrapped an arm around her while they sipped their coffee silently.
"Do you regret last night?" he asked seriously a few seconds later.
She glanced up shocked that he was thinking that, "No, not at all".
"Good," he kissed her forehead. "I know you did just fine without me for the last year and a half but... I wouldn't feel right if I left without asking you this. Promise me you'll be careful during monsoon season?"
She looked at him with a smile, touched that he was worried about her and promised that she would be careful.
"Are you giving me an answer now Hinata, or in six months?" he asked hopefully as they were both getting close to finishing their coffee.
"Six months" she said without having to even think. He looked disappointed but he masked his face quickly and nodded in understanding.
"If you ever need to get in touch with me urgently, tell the Raikage, okay?" he took her face in his hands and peered at her deeply.
She nodded feeling quite sad now that their time was coming to a close.
"Okay…" he sighed deeply, "I should leave". And then he kissed her once, twice and thrice quickly on her lips and then one last time softly and sweetly lingering.
Afterwards he got up stretching to his full height and picked up his jacket and tie from the couch.
Then with a wave at her and one last long look, Neji turned and left her apartment.
She watched him as he walked down the long hallway corridor towards the elevator. He waved to her from the elevator with a smile as the doors closed and she watched until he completely disappeared from her sight, and then she wondered why she felt like crying.
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A month later - Neji, Back in Konoha (October)
It had been about two weeks since Neji got back from his trip. Now that he was getting back to his regular routine, the trip to Kumo almost felt a bit like a dream.
The magical topography of the land, having been able to relax and actually have some fun and lastly having found Hinata, all felt like they might have been figments of his imagination.
Being back in Konoha certainly was like a splash of crisp cold reality in his face.
He walked into the Hyuga compound and realized how relaxed and easy things had been in Kumo compared to here. Within the walls of this city Neji felt a crushing sense of responsibility and duty. It wasn't bad per se... it was his honor to serve the city and the clan but at the same time it felt a bit more oppressive than usual.
The pile of paperwork awaiting him had been monumental. It was always like this after a trip.
Usually he would dive right into it, but now he sat at his study staring at the work wondering why Hinata would want to come back to all this when she had been happy and free for over two years now.
Even if she did come back, there was no guarantee that she would want to be his wife.
Being the Clan Leaders partner meant endless responsibilities, protocols, abiding by tradition and being a slave to the needs of the clan and the village before your own. You had to live up to certain expectations to make the clan proud and strong. Sometimes it felt like a big show. Needing to be strong, calm, unbending and unruffled no matter what came your way. It was exhausting.
When he felt himself getting anxious like this he focused on the positives. Needing to remind himself it was a privilege to be in a position like this where he could make a tangible difference in the lives of his clans people as well as for Konoha. There was a greater purpose at play here rather than just his own needs.
He looked carefully at the quartz tourmaline crystal that had been his newfound touchstone. It usually sat like this on his study desk, or beside his bedside table. It was a reminder that the trip to Kumo had in fact been real and not something he drummed up in his imagination.
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Hinata - Kumo (November)
Hinata rushed into the hospital ready to start out her day shivering from the rain. Monsoon season was just starting and she had rented a car for the duration, because it was too hard to walk outside with the gale winds and lightning, and it would only get worse from here for the next few months.
Once in her office she took off her rain jacket and hung it up, staring outside at the grey clouds. It was amazing how the weather changed during this time of year. This gloomy and dark weather system would stay with them for a while, until February at least.
Her family had visited in December last year and it had been very tricky ensuring that they had arrived and returned back home safely. She could tell the trip had been traumatic for Hanabi, who similar to her wasn't comfortable with this weather. So this year she told them not to come, she would be home in 4-5 months, so it wasn't worth it for them to trek over here for the holidays.
Neji had sent her a letter last month as he had promised and she had replied back. It had been a straightforward letter, letting her know that he got back home safely and that he missed her. He had told her a pile of work had been waiting for him upon his return and he ended it hoping that she was well.
She received a similar letter this month but because of her schedule and the weather she hadn't been able to post a reply just yet. These days people only made essential trips out of their home and mailing a letter just didn't end up being a higher priority than safety.
But of course she missed him too. The time they had spent in Kumo had been wonderful. It had been leaps and bounds better than what their actual engagement had been like. She felt that in Kumo they had been on equal footing, they had respected each other, communicated with each other openly and most importantly trusted each other. So no, the monsoon season wasn't the only reason that she turned down invitations for dates over these last few months.
Shaking her head to snap out of her reveries she looked at her schedule. She had a few patient appointments and two surgeries today. What time she had in between would be spent training the two medical Shinobi she was guiding here.
The hospital was fully up and running now, it had been staffed and that staff had been adequately trained. Logistics of running the hospital in terms of revenue generation, procurement, policy development etc. was established.
The remaining operational burden will shift to the board of directors. Over the next few years they will need to ensure that the hospital maintained its profitability and managed to retain and attract talented staff. From a Human Resources perspective, they had hired an individual to come in and ensure that their policies and procedures related to staffing were up to code in terms of legislature and was fair in general. That individual will over time direct their attention more to developing and engaging the staff.
Overall Hinata felt very proud as she provided her monthly updates to the Raikage. This had been a daunting task but it was coming to a close now.
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Neji - Konoha (January)
The first three months of being back in Konoha hadn't been too bad. Now that Neji knew where Hinata was, he wasn't as unsettled or fragmented as before. But as the third month dragged on and then a fourth he found himself missing her desperately. Almost unbearably, and it was the Quartz stone that anchored him during those times. Just the reminder that she was safe and whatever ends up happening she would come home reassured him.
Their letters had been nice but had grown increasingly infrequent over the months. The correspondence took some time to reach Kumo and now with the monsoon season hitting the country, letter services were very unpredictable. If he was lucky he would get a letter from her once every month and a half.
He had found time back in October to talk to Aeo and to let her down gently. That had been uncomfortable but it needed to be done.
After that, the rest of the year had continued to pass quickly as usual with their Winter celebration, various year-end festivals and year-end reporting taking up a good chunk of his time.
He had been feeling guilty for not having made time for his friends so he invited Lee and Tenten over to the house for dinner in the new year and had been in for quite a shock upon seeing them. He seemed to have been out of the loop for some time, he thought with a smile observing his best friends holding hands.
"So I guess a lot happened while I was gone huh?" he asked them with humour in his voice.
Tenten smiled back at him widely and looked at Lee with stars in her eyes. Interesting Neji thought… usually stars were something he observed in Lee's eyes. And he was surprised to find Lee looking down at Tenten with his face filled with emotions that Neji had never seen Lee express before.
He cleared his throat with happiness and a slight bit of emotion at seeing his friends so in love.
"I guess sometimes you don't see something even if it's right in front of you, until something monumental happens" Tenten murmured, giving Lee a warm look and then turning to look at Neji.
"We wanted to tell you in person" Lee interjected, looking at his friend.
Neji didn't want to know exactly how this came to be because all that matters to him was that he was extraordinarily happy for his friends. So he signalled for some champaign to be brought so they could toast to this happy occasion.
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Hinata - Raike (February)
Hinata observed Darui standing next to her window like a mountain observing the lightning storm outside. She found weather like this intimidating and scary, but he seemed to revel in it. She knew the Kage and his entourage loved the monsoon season. They in fact trained best and were at their most power during this season.
The electricity had gone out at the apartment complex a while ago. Candles were blazing all around them partially lighting up the room and threw everything into extreme states of light and shadow. She loved candlelight.
Hinata was stirring a stew over a portable gas stove she had for just such occasions like this. During monsoon season the electricity went out regularly. At the hospital they were okay because of the back up generators but her apartment building wasn't so advanced.
"I'm going to miss you, you know," he said, simply surprising her.
"What?" she asked, confused.
"I mean you are leaving next month aren't you?" he said turning away from the window and looking at her.
"Um… yes" she said also feeling a bit sad now at this topic.
Leaving behind her life in Kumo was going to be very hard. Especially since she didn't know what the future held for her in Konoha. But over the last year she had come to understand that people did have a say in shaping their destiny if they were brave enough to reach for it.
"So have you decided anything?" he asked, leaning against the window.
"About what?" she asked deliberately tiptoeing the topic she knew he was driving at.
Hinata seasoned the stew and closed the lid on it. It was a testament to how close they had gotten that he didn't have to even reply back to her. He merely raised an eyebrow.
"Okay…" she sighed, "fine, if you are talking about Neji… then no...I haven't really decided anything".
"I think what you mean is you have decided but you are too afraid to admit it" he said with the maturity of a man who was 6 years older than her.
"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.
"Nata…. obviously you love the guy. That isn't up for debate. I think you are too scared to admit that you love him".
She looked up at Darui in dismay while she went over to sit on her couch. When she continued to stay silent he pushed on.
"You would have told him no flat out to his proposal if you didn't love him".
"Why do you say that?" she asked in a small voice. Still feeling like she was in denial.
"I am going to ask you a series of questions and I want you to answer them either yes or no, without thinking, without pausing with your first gut instinct".
After a few seconds she nodded to him agreeing.
"Were you happy to see Neji in September?" he started.
"Yes" she said, that was a no brainer.
"Did he make you feel loved?"
"Yes".
"Did you like spending time with him?"
"Yes".
"Are you attracted to him?"
"Yes".
"Do you worry that he won't be in love with you when you get back to Konoha?"
"A little" she admitted looking at Darui from under her lashes and resisted the urge to twiddle her fingers as she had done when faced with uncertainty as a child.
"Do you have feelings for anyone else?" he pressed on.
"No." she said honestly.
"Do you think that he is a good clan leader?"
"Yes".
"Can you see yourself marrying him and spending the rest of your life with him?".
"Yes".
"Do you think he is kind and good?"
"Yes".
"Do you love him?" he asked finally and that question was whipped out like a bullet.
"Yes" she cried out feeling interrogated and the silence thickened around them for a few seconds after that.
Hinata stared at Darui, shocked that had slipped out from her mouth and he looked back at her pointedly as if taunting, 'see I told you so'.
"I guess you are right", she said, laughing in shock. "That is quite a skill you have," she said in amazement.
"So what are you scared of?" he shouldered on with a serious face. They weren't done.
She thought about that for a few seconds staring at the flickering light of the candles. After she had admitted all that and let her ego go, she felt like she could think clearer and the answer was quite obvious.
"Losing my identity" she said in a small voice afterwards. "I am afraid of not being able to practise medicine anymore, I am afraid of having to curtail my growth and having to shrink myself to make room for him to shine as the Clan Leader. I am afraid of having to be submissive and subservient again… I think I have grown beyond that now... I do love him, but I can't be happy with a life like that". She stared at him aghast and also extremely grateful for having led her to this epiphany.
Darui nodded back at her understanding her dilemma and satisfied that she finally admitted her concerns.
Hinata glanced down at her lap.
She did love Neji. But was love enough?
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