Just like the previous two days, when we walked back into the classroom, the nap mats were laid out on the ground. Though I was a bit mentally exhausted from trying to help both Eli with the tunnel and Jordan with his memories, I wasn't sure if I should take a nap. I took out the Lucky Penny, allowing it to choose for itself whether it would make my decisions for me. I flipped that thing, put it down, and reversed it. Heads. I'd allow the Lucky Penny to make my decisions for the time being. Okay, now it was time to flip for whether I would take a nap or participate in – Mr. Pony's biting voice echoed in my head – quiet coloring. Heads again. Time to take a nap, I supposed. But on which mat?
By the time I had finished flipping the Lucky Penny, however, the nap mat that it had chosen had already been occupied by none other than Jeremy. That could be changed. I walked over to Jeremy and began a conversation with him.
"Hey Jeremy," I asked, as politely as I could, "May you please go to another mat so I can have this one?"
"Huh? Why?" he asked from his prone position. "I was here first."
"Well, my Lucky Penny decided that I should take a nap on this mat," I explained, gesturing to the mat where he lay. "And I can't do that if you're using it."
For some reason, Jeremy looked a mixture of confused and annoyed. "There's an empty nap mat right over there," he said, pointing to another mat across the room. "Why don't you just take that one?"
"Because," I repeated, "The Lucky Penny said I have to use this one, so you have to move."
"That's stupid," he said. I was taken aback. "Why should I have to do what your Lucky Penny says?" I didn't really have an answer to that, not at the moment anyways. "I'm not gonna move," continued Jeremy, rolling onto his other side to face away from me. "Leave me alone and go find your own nap mat. This one's mine." He made it clear that he wasn't going to listen to anything else I had to say, so I just walked away, frowning. Never before had something or someone prevented the Lucky Penny from achieving its base desires, so I was unsure how to handle this occurrence.
Upon reaching the empty nap mat, I soon discovered why no one had chosen to sleep on it – it was rank with a combination of the pungent odors of both sweat and gasoline, as if a nervous Chuck and an agitated Kyle had just taken turns using it over and over again. Repulsed by the smell, I looked around for another open nap mat… yet there were none to be found. Since Jeremy's refusal to cooperate meant that the Lucky Penny's plans had already been foiled, I decided that I'd rather not take a nap then to sleep on this smelly thing. As Mr. Pony began playing "Love is an Open Door" from Disney's Frozen in the background to soothe our jangled nerves like a chocolate Hershey's kiss, I instead took a seat with Owen, Jacques, and Rachel at the quiet coloring table.
"How's it going, guys?" I whispered, remembering the rule about staying quiet during naptime.
Jacques and Owen seemed to be absorbed in Jacques' map of the campus, while Rachel simply observed non-judgementally.
"Jacquesypoo and I are adding more to his map," whispered Owen. "We spent all recess up in the cuckoo's tower getting a bird's eye view."
"Yes," agreed Jacques. "I now have a better grasp of the campus layout, but I've still no clue what is inside any of these other buildings."
I've gotta go exploring," whispered Owen with excitement. "I need to know what's out there."
"When you go, can I come with you?" I asked. "I'm curious about the other places I haven't been yet. But… at the same time, I don't think the class is well behaved enough for Mr. Pony to show us around."
Owen smiled and looked to the left slightly, putting his hands behind his head. "Oh, I don't think that'll be a problem," he whispered.
I wasn't sure if I agreed with him on that, but for the time being, the hazy exhaustion that had consumed me since the middle of recess grew and grew. The purple crown I was using to color in a snowflake for some reason slipped from my fingers, and I succumbed to unconsciousness.
"Nap...time," I murmured, slumping over in my seat.
I opened my eyes and peered around the room at my peers. They were all sitting in their assigned seats, but their faces were blurred out, as if I was an advanced piece of face recognition technology that they were trying to thwart by censoring their recognizable features. Mr. Pony was at the front of the classroom again, next to the easel pad, their hands to their mouth and a mischievous grin on their face. Next to them was another being that I did not know the name of.
"Hoo hoo hoo hoo," laughed Mr. Pony, sounding a bit like Tigger. "If you're hunting for a real bargain, stay tuned for this Ted Talk! Huzzah!" Mr. Pony flipped the top sheet of the easel pad to reveal a poorly drawn slice of pepperoni pizza with a hole in the center.
"Welcome, everyone, so glad you could make it! Not that you had a choice," began Mr. Pony. "I'm your host, Dr. Pony!" Dr. Pony turned to the side slightly and rasied one of their hands, an irate expression on their face. "And make sure you say the 'Dr.' part. I worked hard for that pHD!"
A large man's voice could be heard bellowing in the distance. "I'm just imagining him sending in, like, that one letter from Capitan Underpants. Me want my pHD."
Was I in another dream? If this was the case, I didn't wanna wake up.
"That's not true!" said the being on the other side of the easel pad in a voice that sounded like 2006 Justin Bieber. "You don't even have a pHD!"
"Quiet, you!" Dr. Pony shot back. "Or I'll start making you call me Mr. Dr. Prof. Pony!" They returned to normal. "Anyways, for our special deal today, we've got this Gucci pizza suit!" Mr. Dr. Prof. Pony put a comical amount of emphasis on the 'u' noise in 'Gucci'. "What do you think of it, Ms. Uni?"
"It's Gucci like the sushi in my jacuzzi!" responded the other being, who apparently went by Ms. Uni.
"Hey!" shouted Mr. Dr. Prof. Pony. "No one asked you!"
"I don't under sand!" said Ms. Uni, confused and on the verge of tears. "You're the one that just asked me, Mr. Dr. Prof. Pony!"
Mr. Dr. Prof. Pony's expression turned irate again. "I told you, my name isn't Mr. Dr. Prof. Pony! It's..." they began sounding like a broken record, slowly becoming faster and louder as they repeated the word. "Mister Mister Mister Mister Mister Mister Mister Mister… DUUUUDE!" The final word exploded from Mr. Dude's mouth like the bullhorn noise of Spongebob's alarm clock, and the force of the soundwave sent Ms. Uni flying.
"Uaah!" they went, sounding a bit like John Bosco Baccibelli Bapoupeleh or perhaps his younger broterr Benjimon Bubacelli Bapoupeleh before blasting off again like Team Rocket.
"Well then," continued Mr. Dude/Pony/whatever, putting their hands on their stomach and making a satisfied expression, "we're almost out of air time. Now, this pizza suit is a rare item, made with only the finest ingredients from Spirit Halloween! And it can be all yours for the low, low price of… 25 cents! Isn't that a steal of a deal?"
Holy carp, I thought to myself, making sure to censor myself accordingly. I have exactly that much money! Mr. Pony's words, 'treat yo'self before you eat yo'self!", echoed in my head. I didn't even need to use the Lucky Penny to understand that this was way too good of an opportunity to pass up. I raised my hand as if I was in a silent auction.
Mr. Pony put their hands on their stomach. "We're getting a rush of phone calls! Thank you all for coming to my Ted Talk. See you next time, same pony-time, same pony-channel!"
I faded back into unconsciousness for an indefinite amount of time. After what felt like an eternity of having my body suspended in a stasis tube of darkness, a voice spoke in my ear. Though I could not see who it was that was speaking, I recognized the scratchy inflection immediately.
"Wakey wakey Maddie… it's lunchtime."
"BAAAAH!" I jumped awake with a start, and a cry of surprise escaped my lips.
"Hahahaha," cackled Owen. "You should've seen your face!"
Still a bit groggy and disoriented, I stood up and looked around, my head on a squivel like an office chair. Besides myself, Jacques, and Owen, everyone else was in their assigned seats, and Mr. Pony was standing near the easel pad holding a stack of paper. I felt a scrange lump in my pocket, and, reaching into it, procured a vacuum sealed bag containing what looked like a pizza costume, since there was an ironic image of a powerful, high ranking executive of a specific chain of grocery stores wearing that pizza costume on the front. I was confused. How did something that only existed in my dreams end up in my pocket? Before I could think about that any further, Mr. Pony spoke up.
"So nice of you to join us, Maddie," they remarked sweetly.
"What's going on?" I asked, rubbing my eyes and enjoying the tingly feeling the little galaxies behind my eyelids gave me.
"You slept through the end of naptime," answered Owen, "so I just thought I'd wake you up."
"Everyone else has already put away the nap mats and returned to their seats," added Jacques.
"Then," I said out loud, for some reason, furrowing my brow and crossing my arms thoughtfully, "I should probably be doing the same, right?"
"You-betcha!" said Mr. Pony energetically. "Then, I can pass out everyone's letters!"
"Letters?" asked Kathleen.
"Yeah, of course! From your pen-pals! You lot have got mail!"
I returned to my table with Jacques, Julia, and Owen, as Mr. Pony handed out letters from our first-grade pen-pals on loos-leef (I didn't know how to spell looseleaf) paper. My hands crembled as I unfolded the delicate sheet of parchment. What secrets would I possibly discover inside? My eyes widened as I read what had been written.
Dear Maddie,
A blibbidy blobbidy bee bap ba doo wa-pa-pow! Skiddly diddly yee-haw! Ya-da-da dat-dada! Wee-oo wee-ii aieeieeiee… yah! Hip hoppity we-ha-ru-fa-doo-wa zow! Gobba kee koo tachi faa! Schlobba-lobba ding dong! Ee-pee-pa-ree-pee-pa-dow! Scooby… Dooby… Yabba… Dabba… Doot-doot-doot-doot… DOOOOOO!
Ka-zoom,
Zak
I stared, jaw ajar, at the letter for an indefinite amount of time, needing a moment to fully process and take in what I was seeing. This man was truly speaking the language of the gods. Overwhelmed by even the thought of responding to such poetry, I set Zak's letter down on the table and rubbed my temples.
Owen must have seen my reaction. "What was in your letter, Maddie?" he asked, with an o-shaped face of curiosity.
"My pen-pal is Zak," I replied, "so I honestly have no idea. He always talks so cool, but I'm just not cool enough to understand what he's saying."
"Heh heh," he chuckled. Darkly, of course. "That sounds like something shep would say. He's spent his whole letter gassing y'all up, as well as the rest of the first graders. This question mark emoji actually likes Tim! Though… he doesn't seem to think very highly of himself."
"Definitely, I'm able to relate with you about your letter," added Julia. "I will need a thesaurus to understand what Tim has written."
"How about you, Jacquesypoo? What did Graham Turver write to you?" Owen did a pretty spot-on impression of Graham's Arnold Schwarzenegger voice, which made me giggle.
Jacques looked up from his letter and stared at Owen. "He has asked me to keep that information private," he answered matter-of-factly. The rest of the table grew silent. What could Graham possibly have written in his letter to Jacques that was such a big secret?
"Okay, youngsters," came Mr. Pony's voice from the front of the classroom. "You've probably all finished reading your letters by this point, so you know what happens now, right?"
Kyle raised a stubby, wavering hand. "Do we finally get to go home?" he asked in his nasally, halting voice.
"No!" replied Mr. Pony, putting their hands on their stomach. "When someone writes you a letter, it's only good manners to write one back. So that's what you lot are going to be doing during this period!"
That's what I had figured. After removing a piece of loos-leef paper from my assignment book along with everyone else at my table, I leaned one of my elbows on the table, held my head with one hand, and scratched my temple with the eraser of my firm, yellow #2 pencil. I stuck my tongue out and circled it over one of my lips. How the heck was I going to respond to a letter that I couldn't understand? My heart started pumping in my chest and blood rushed through my veins and my head started spinning. I had to firmly grasp the table in order to keep my body from doing the same.
"Maddie? Is everything good?" Julia's voice brought me back to the present. She was holding a 0.1 millimeter pen to a clipboard that had her paper on it, looking like she was about to take notes on some fascinating observation she had made.
"Y-yeah," I answered, getting a grip. "I just don't know what to write."
"Then, you should just start writing," she advised. "The words will come to you naturally."
I calmed down a little. Maybe she was right. I spun my pencil in my hand so fast that it looked like a cartoon blur and tapped the tip to the paper, sending little eraser shreds and crumbs of graphite flying. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and emptied my mind, imagining an outer space where only words or letters could come to me. As I received these words and letters, I moved my hand and began to write.
Dear Zak,
How are you? I certainly feel well, and I hope this letter finds you well as well in these trying times. Today, I had a lot of things happen. First I did centers with Eli and Kiki, then we all did show and tell. I went to lunch and ate a crackers and butter sandwich with my friends. Then we went to recess and Jordan lost his memory. After that we had naptime and now I'm writing this letter.
Umm… I opened my eyes and touched the eraser to my lips. How was I going to end this letter? Normally, I'd put 'Love, Maddie', like 'Love, Simon,' but I didn't love Zak. Don't get me wrong, he was a really cool dude, but I didn't even like like him, like Jordan thought, or in his case, used to think. A lot of other things I could put there were either too poppycock (regards, yours truly), and I didn't know how to spell sinseerlee, so I couldn't use that. I closed my eyes and started thinking, and thinking some more, until I started reaching for the Lucky Penny in my pocket.
All of a sudden, I had a Jimmy Neutron Brain Blast. My grey-blue eyes snapped open determinedly with a strange sound effect. "I got it!" I said, out loud for some reason, while snapping my fingers, drawing the attention of the rest of the stadium. I had just remembered how Zak had ended his letter: 'Ka-zoom, Zak'. Maybe if I ended my letter the same way, when Zak read it, he would nod his head in recognition that I was, indeed, a registered nurse. I scrawled 'Ka-zoom, Maddie' at the bottom of the paper, adding arrows to the loose ends of some of the letters to make them look cooler.
Holding up my completed letter, I grinned, gave it the chef's kiss, and raised my hand in order to get Mr. Pony's attention. As if they had been special summoned by Chuck, Mr. Pony appeared next to me. "What is it, Maddie? Do you need something?"
"I'm done with my letter!" I exclaimed proudly, holding up the tarnished shard of parchment.
"That's great!" they replied. "I'll just hang onto it for now, and give everyone's to their pen-pals' class when they're done.
Finally, while everyone else scritched away at their papers, I had some time alone with my thoughts. This entire day had been a whirlwind, but writing everything down had helped me get things in order. First of all, how did that pizza costume I'd dreampt of end up in my pocket? I remember Mr. Pony had stated that the costume was 25 cents, did I still have the quarter? I fumbled around in my pocket for a few seconds… no, the only coin in there was the Lucky Penny. How bizarre, just like JoJo's adventure. Even more bizarre was Jordan's Amnesia. How and why did he forget everything? When did it really happen, as well? Was it during recess, as he, Jenny, and Kristy had claimed, or was it during lunch, when he first began acting abnormally, like an abnormal person? And – this was the biggest question of them all – were Jordan's memory loss and the pizza costume somehow connected? I chased the thoughts around my head in circles, like a dog does to its tail, for a few minutes, before my brain began overheating and short-circuiting until I was forced to stop.
Speaking of stop, by this time everyone else had finished writing their letters. As the last person to finish, Kyle raised a stubby arm to get Mr. Pony to collect his letter, we all looked around expectantly.
After stowing all of the letters away in a vanilla folder, Mr. Pony stood up by the easel. "Alright, class, that about concludes today's lesson. Your parents or guardians will be here to pick you up momentarily, so please gather up all of your stuff and get on ready to mosey on out."
Compared to the epic showdown that had happened yesterday, this seemed like a pretty low-key ending to the school day. I wondered if Mr. Pony had planned it that way. However, it wasn't quite time for me to go home yet. My mama was workin' late today, and she says that if she's ever workin' late, that I gotta go to extended day, whatever the heck that is.
In the ensuing mill of chaos before we assembled into line to leave the classroom, Jordan approached me, a fearful look in his bespectacled eyes.
"Hey Maddie," he said. "I still have amnesia, so… do you think you can help me try to remember things tomorrow? Unless…"
I hesitated for a little bit. Sure, if it was possible to help Jordan get his memory back, helping him should be my #1 priority, but at the same time, having to spend all of my time with an amnesiac six-year-old would be mentally exhausting. This was a tough decision, so I procured the Lucky Penny to make it work for me. Heads, I agreed to help Jordan, tails I declined.
"Maddie? What are you doing?" he asked nervously.
"Deciding your fate," I replied in Graham Turver's voice, and flicked the coin into the air.