Skaifaya

by Cairlinn1991

What if Charlotte was not the only or even the youngest child on the dropship? This is the story of nine-year-old Marie Matthews, who is sent down to earth as a member of the 100. When Murphy is exiled from the 100 Marie follows him and they run into grounders. Separated from the 100 and to become Anya's second how will Marie stay alive and find a new life for herself?

19. Chapter 19 (181 - 190)

Chapter 191

When Marie woke up on the following morning, she needed only the fraction of a second to recognize where she was. The sun had just begun to ascend and most of the room was still cast in shadows although a few candles had remained burning through the whole night. She had gotten used to wake up all tense and feeling a sickening dread creeping up in her mind, but Marie felt at peace at this very moment.

It seemed that the other women were all asleep still, so Marie had a few moments to observe Anya and Lexa while they slept.

Anya was lying on her right side and one of the woman's hands rested reassuringly on Marie's flank, as if the woman wanted her to know, that she was there.

Marie's head rested comfortably on Lexa's shoulder and she could feel the slight movement of Lexa's calm breathing. The commander's brown locks were fanned out around her head and her features were completely relaxed in sleep.

Marie spotted one of Clarke's pale arms slung over Lexa's midriff and both women had turned their faces to each other, as if they might have fallen asleep gazing into each other's eyes.

She remembered now, how Clarke had started to spend more and more time within the commander's quarters directly before she had left to hunt with Anya.

Marie could not truly understand why the sight of Clarke so close to Lexa now was upsetting to her, she had not found anything off with the idea of the commander and Clarke getting together before, but for some reason she did so now.

Internally Marie wondered how someone could choose to spend a night with someone else in the way the queen had forced her to. She knew that Abby had tried to reason with her that there was a difference between consenting and being raped. But would it feel different if you consented? Marie had no idea about the answer to her musing. She remembered that Lexa had hinted to the fact that Anya had spent a night with Zora like this and both women had not seemed hurt in any way afterwards. Could it be that Clarke was hurting Lexa? But why would Lexa allow that?

Unconsciously, Marie shifted closer to Lexa, breathing in her calming scent. She did not realize immediately, that her movements had woken the commander.

Lexa felt Marie squirming in place slightly and she already anticipated that their charge was being caught in yet another nightmare or that one was at least building up within her mind. So, she was surprised to notice the girl's grey eyes peering up at her.

A soft smile tugged at the corners of her lips, when she noticed how content Marie appeared to be. She would have expected the girl to be tense and upset, after the ordeal of the last day, but the girl looked relaxed and awake.

The arm on which Marie was lying was tingling uncomfortably, as the circulation had been cut off for some time now in the limp, but Lexa did not ask the child to move either. The older nightbloods had not returned the last day, so she did not have any training scheduled in the morning and could afford to lounge in the bed for a little bit longer.

"Good morning" Lexa greeted their charge in a low tone, trying not to wake either Anya nor Clarke. She knew that waking Clarke would take more than a few hushed words, but the general would wake more easily.

"Morning" Marie breathed back just as softly and shifted even closer to Lexa.

Marie turned slightly more onto her side, so that she could place her head directly on Lexa's chest enabling her to listen to her steady heartbeat.

Anya's limp hand slid from Marie's flank when the girl moved just out of reach and it startled the general awake instantly. Anya immediately was on full alert and reached over to Marie, intent on calming the girl.

Her movements stalled, when she spotted the girl peacefully cuddled to Lexa and obviously awake as well.

Marie glanced over her shoulder at Anya, when the general stretched under the furs. A bright smile danced over Marie's features and the girl's eyes were bright, free of the shadows which haunted them. "Good morning, Anya" the girl chirped happily at the general.

Anya barely contained an eye roll at their charge's antics, keeping up with the girl's mood swings was proving to be difficult.

"Can we go and train?" Marie suggested only a moment later and looked expectantly between Lexa and Anya, waiting for one of them to respond.

"You should not aggravate your wounds so quickly" Lexa curbed the girl's enthusiasm as gently as possible.

"I feel fine" Marie immediately insisted vehemently, while she sat up and crossed her arms over her chest. She barely felt anything more than a tugging and itching on the wounds, she had caused herself the last day. It did not feel that different from the fresh kill marks; the queen had carved so many onto her skin at times that the pain had been similar.

"She is far too energetic already" Anya grumbled as she slid from the furs and left into the direction of the bathroom without another word.

Marie watched the woman leave with a frown on her face, which turned to a full-blown pout as she turned over to Lexa.

"What are we going to do today?" Marie asked after another moment, seemingly forgetting to sulk.

Amusement flashed through Lexa's green eyes "There is another meeting scheduled after lunch. What would you prefer to do before that?"

Marie opened her mouth to answer something, but it snapped shut a second later, when Clarke sighed in her sleep and burrowed closer to Lexa from the other side. Her grey eyes seemed to narrow down on Clarke's hand resting on Lexa's stomach possessively.

Lexa frowned at the girl's sudden change of mood and motioned her mutely to stand up. She knew from experience that Clarke would not wake up if she simply left the bed, so she silently guided Marie out onto the balcony. It did not fail the commander's notice how Marie's almost angry gaze had remained fixed on Clarke's sleeping form.

Clarke's words from the previous evening still rang loudly in Lexa's mind and she knew that she needed to instil into their charge that the blonde healer was no threat to her.

She was still searching for the right words, unsure on how to proceed, when Marie beat her to it. The girl's voice was tinted with anger and desperation "She is not allowed to hurt you!" the child almost shouted.

Lexa blinked down at the girl for a moment, her brows furrowed in confusion at Marie's outburst. "Marie, I do not know, why you think that Clarke is hurting me" she addressed the girl in a calm tone and intent eyes "But, I can assure you that Clarke does not cause me any harm".

Marie frowned visibly at the commander's words and Lexa waited patiently for their charge to formulate the disagreement which burned in her grey eyes.

"But it…" Marie started in a raised voice. The girl seemed to deflate as her voice trailed off and it sounded awfully small as she added "…hurts".

It took Lexa only the fraction of a second to understand what Marie was trying to say and she felt as if the girl's words were tearing at her very soul. When the child's grey eyes started to swim in a sheen of unshed tears, Lexa crouched down in front of Marie and put her hands onto her shoulders, giving them a reassuring squeeze. Her voice was honest and full of compassion for her charge when the commander tried to explain "Marie, listen to me" she said and when the girl tried to evade her gaze, Lexa forced her to look back up with a gentle, but insistent finger under the girl's chin. "I can understand why you would assume that Clarke is hurting me, but she is not. What you have been forced to experience with Nia, does in no way compare to what it means to share your body with someone, if you desire to do so, Marie. Clarke and I love each other, she would not willingly cause me any harm".

Marie seemed to search for something in Lexa's green eyes for a long time, before she nodded with a doubtful expression. "I just don't want you to…" Marie started to try to justify her reaction and trailed off immediately when Lexa's expression turned stricter.

The commander sighed under her breath "I am aware that you wish to protect me. But that is surely not your duty".

Marie scowled visibly at that and the disagreement was easy to identify in her expression. Lexa shook her head, silencing the girl before she could speak up "Titus taught you that as my second you are to protect the vessel of the flame, I know that, Marie. But your good intentions are misguided here".

Lexa waited patiently for Marie to mull over her words and the emotions were flashing over the girl's features way too quickly to be able to pinpoint them exactly.

"Can you show me…?" Marie finally asked, eyes shining with desperation, in a low and quivering tone.

"Show you what?" Lexa retorted with honest confusion. She had absolutely no idea what Marie wanted proof of now.

"How different it could be…" Marie explained and although her grey eyes showed that she was certain of what she was asking for, Lexa still noticed how the girl seemed to inch away from her instinctively.

Lexa gaped at the child for a moment, utterly speechless, before bewilderment settled in her mind and she vehemently shook her head in a silent decline.

Marie must have interpreted her denial as a kind of personal rejection and the girl's face fell completely, backing away from Lexa until her back collided with the railing of the balcony behind her.

Lexa sighed at the girl's crestfallen expression, it had not been her intention to hurt Marie. Internally Lexa wondered how Marie could have gotten such an absurd idea in the first place. She stepped closer to Marie, but left a slight distance between them, fearing that crowding the girl would only frighten her.

"Marie" she addressed the girl in a gentle but firm tone and waited patiently until her charge looked up again and met her eyes, before she continued. "You are going to experience one day how different it is, but you are way too young now to even contemplate such a thing. Give yourself time to heal and grow a bit first".

Marie nodded with a reluctant expression "So, Clarke is not hurting you…?" the girl checked, changing the subject slightly and obviously still not entirely convinced. The commander's words made sense to her somehow, but she still thought that everything might get easier if she had something to compare her experiences with.

"No, she is not" Lexa assured the child softly. After a moment she added "I know that Clarke had also kept you company when Anya and I had been away, you remember that?"

Marie nodded again, but the reluctance remained on her features. She did remember the two nights of course. It was obvious that Clarke was important to Lexa now, Marie mused internally. She felt a flash of jealousy for the blonde healer surge through her mind and she frowned. "You do not love me any less now, do you?" she breathed the question softly and her grey eyes looked uncertain.

Lexa immediately shook her head in denial and her voice did not hold even a hint to any doubt "Of course not, Marie". The commander sighed as she placed one hand on Marie's cheek in a gentle caress "Nothing will be able to change the depths of my feelings for you".

Marie did not look really convinced by the commander's reassurance, but she nodded her head nevertheless. The girl internally hoped that she would get used to being in Clarke's proximity soon enough, she knew that the blonde healer had not actually done anything to prompt this negative reaction from her. She was still thinking about what to say, when the door to the balcony was opened again and Clarke herself stepped out.

The blonde woman had obviously searched for them and the hint of worry left her eyes when she noticed that Lexa and Marie had merely been speaking with each other and she noted on the absence of tears on the young girl's cheeks.

Clarke stepped closer to Lexa slowly and put a hand onto the commander's back in silent greeting. She kept her expression kind and friendly when she looked at Marie.

Marie scrutinized both of them together for long silent moments. She noticed how Lexa's green eyes seemed slightly brighter now and the ghost of a smile played around her lips. Clarke also seemed to only wish to support the commander and no hint of malice or judgment was visible in her blue eyes. Marie took a deep breath, trying forcefully to stop the tenseness rising in her body. She did not know exactly why she was reacting this way to Clarke's presence, but she did not wish to be even more of a bother to Lexa and Anya by being overly complicated. She knew just how hard it must be for both of her mentors to deal with all her problems now.

"Is everything fine?" Clarke asked in a kind tone and her blue eyes flitted between the commander and Marie minutely.

Marie inclined her head in silent agreement, while Lexa turned around to face her love and gently kissed her on the lips. Marie watched their interaction with interest; the queen had sometimes kissed her on the lips as well, but it did not seem like the two women felt the same disgust she had felt back then.

"Breakfast will be served soon" Lexa said when she backed away from Clarke and her green eyes sought out Marie quickly, trying to assess how their charge was reacting to seeing them kiss. To her great relieve the girl did only look slightly confused but did not seem tenser than before.

Marie nodded, taking the hint that they should be returning inside now. She smiled brightly, when Alira entered a moment later and Risha slipped into the commander's quarters on the handmaid's heels.

"Hi girl" she greeted the wolf and crouched down in front of the animal. A giggle bubbled from her mouth when Risha licked over her face in greeting.

Anya stepped out of the bathroom and watched Marie together with Risha. Disgust flashed through her brown eyes momentarily, but Marie did not seem disturbed at all.

"I need to take a look at her wounds and change the bandages" Clarke said to Lexa, while both of them watched the girl together with her wolf. Lexa nodded in agreement and told Clarke that it would probably be better to do so before they started their breakfast.

Lexa walked over to Marie and let her fingers glide over Risha's muzzle "Clarke wants to check your wounds" she said in a neutral tone and motioned their charge to follow Clarke into the bathroom.

Reluctance flashed over Marie's features shortly, but she inclined her head silently and backed away from Risha and followed the commander's orders without any discussion.

Marie stood in the middle of the bathroom indecisively for a moment, before she simply took off her shirt. She knew that she had to strip for Clarke to be able to take off the bandages after all. But she still kept her arms crossed over her chest self-consciously. Without her clothes as at least a little barrier, she felt utterly exposed and defenceless.

Clarke watched the girl's mannerism change in the blink off an eye with a frown and a sigh on her lips. She had not expected the younger girl to react too positive to her this morning, but she hoped that it would improve with time. It would probably be hard for her to truly gain the child's trust. "Can you uncross your arms for me?" she asked Marie in a kind tone while she still kept a slight distance to the younger girl.

Marie shook her head in the negative. She wanted to ask Clarke something first and she was not ready to let go just yet.

Clarke's frown deepened at the girl's response and she watched her brows crease in concentration and she thought to spot hesitancy in her grey eyes. "You can say whatever you want" she offered and when the girl remained silent for another moment she added "Would you feel better with Anya or Lexa here in addition?"

Marie still shook her head in the negative and she took a deep breath, trying to gather her bearings quickly. "You are not going to hurt Lexa, are you?" she blurted out and her arms only tightened around herself slightly.

Clarke's blue eyes softened noticeably and she shook her head in the negative "Of course not, Marie. I love Lexa, as much as you do" she promised the younger girl honestly.

Marie seemed to search for something in her blue eyes for long moments before she nodded and finally uncrossed her arms over her chest slowly.

With a soft smile Clarke crouched down in front of Marie and she kept her movement relatively slow as to not startle the younger girl with her touch. She had feared that the bandages would already be sticking to the girl's skin, but it seemed that they were lucky and there had not been too much seepage, so she was able to remove them without causing Marie too much additional discomfort.

Clarke assessed the wounds carefully and was relieved to see that there were no signs of any infections setting into them. Most of the child's wounds which were scattered over her body were superficial and not more than scratches and they would heal quickly. The places where Marie had cut away skin over her collarbone were larger but fortunately did not appear to be inflamed either. She would still put a bandage over them for a few days to keep them clean.

Clarke applied some poultice to the larger wounds with gentle and careful fingers.

Marie kept still and motionless while Clarke tended to her wounds. The blonde healer's care felt much different from the rare time the queen had allowed her to see a healer. The healers there had not been gentle or careful at all. She was still relieved when Clarke told her that she could get dressed again and she quickly slipped the shirt back on, feeling safer once the clothing hid her body again.

While Clarke inspected the cut on her palm, Marie strained her ears to listen for what was causing the sudden commotion in the commander's quarters. Someone had entered urgently and a message was delivered in obvious hurry. The messenger's voice was unfortunately too low to understand what was being said, but Marie saw her own twinge of worry being reflected in Clarke's blue eyes and she could barely wait to exit the bathroom and see for herself what was going on. Her mind shortly flashed to the nightblood children being away from Polis and Marie instantly hoped that nothing had happened to Ontari. Another fear flashed through her mind with irrational strength, could the queen have gotten into Polis?

Chapter 192

Marie stayed near the door to the bathroom after Clarke had finally told her that she was allowed to join the commander and Anya for breakfast. Her grey eyes flitted over all the people gathered in the commander's quarters.

Alira was still in the process of serving breakfast and the handmaid stayed back as well, waiting for her time to do the commander's hair.

She did not recognize the four strangers facing Lexa. Although Lexa was not yet dressed in her commander regalia her whole posture still screamed power and her green eyes were unyielding as she listened to the report.

One of the strangers had to be a flamekeeper. The man wore a robe similar to the one, Marie and the nightblood children had destroyed with their little prank. The man's head was not shaved and he seemed younger than Titus. A few tattoos had been etched into the tanned skin of his face and Marie recognized a few of the symbols from the first commander's journals.

The other three seemed to at least come from the same clan. Their clothing was similar and they were dressed in pieces of light armour. Marie thought that their colour could show them to be part of the Plain Ryder clan.

Two of them were females and Marie judged them to be similar in age to Anya. Their male companion seemed slightly younger, but it was hard for her to judge.

With large pieces of the report missing, Marie frowned when she now listened to the rest.

Apparently, the caravan of the Plain Ryder clan which had been supposed to bring war horses and quiet a lot of equipment to help their combined army, had been robbed on the way.

Lexa felt irritation rising in her mind, not really delighted that such a matter had been brought into her private quarters. It was obvious that the young flamekeeper was well aware that he had failed in his duty of keeping this under control until the official meetings started. The young man looked highly uncomfortable and a light sheen of sweat had gathered on his brow.

Anya had listened to the report with her brows knitted together. As it seemed the caravan had been unable to identify who had actually robbed them. It was highly dangerous to just go around and randomly accuse other clans of stealing and it could lead to only more unrest among the clans of the coalition, which was something they could not afford on the brink of a war. The geographical position of the land of the Plain Ryder clan made it unlikely that Ice Nation had been the culprits.

Lexa was having similar thoughts and her irritation only grew when the three representatives of the caravan seemed intent to see this matter settled immediately. Internally, she was grateful that all of them had at least already been out of bed. With Clarke and Marie in the bathroom when the small group barged into the commander's quarters and Anya and her already sitting at a table, it could have been interpreted as another early meeting easily enough.

Marie hoped that not many people had been killed. She was aware of just how many of the coalition's warriors would fall before they reached the Ice queen and removed her from her throne. She was still doubting slightly that such a thing was even possible without extinguishing Azgeda completely. She had no idea what exactly the clan had been supposed to bring to Polis beside the horses, so she also had no idea on how vast the losses could be. A small part of her mind wondered if the commander would still be able to chose a horse among the remaining ones for her.

"I understand your wish for revenge, Calana" Lexa addressed one of the female warriors in a strong tone. She had already dealt with her on a few occasions and knew her to be rather hot-headed. "You say that there was no possibility to determine the identity of those who attacked you" she continued and waited for the woman to nod in agreement for a moment "Than there is no sense in accusing the Lake People or Ice Nation. The ambassadors will hear about this in todays meeting". The dismissal was clear in her tone and the clench of Calana's jaw indicated that she had understood it as such.

The Lake People and the Plain Ryders had been at war for a long time and just like Ice Nation and Trikru were deeply hostile towards each other, both clans had never truly forgotten their animosity and were quick to throw accusations, even if they were not always warranted.

The young flamekeeper was quick to finally usher the three warriors out of the commander's quarters and he tried to apologize his failure in rushed words. Lexa waved him off with a glare and the man left them with hurried steps.

"Sit down" Anya addressed Marie in a slightly sharper tone. The child had remained standing in front of the door to the bathroom and had appeared deep in thought.

Marie quickly stepped over to the couch and sat down cautiously beside Anya, glancing at the general with unsure eyes.

Anya barely contained the eye roll in reaction; it was hard to keep track of the girl's moods and reactions now and she hoped that it would get easier with time. It had only been a few days since Marie had regained all of her memories and the girl was just starting to really work through her trauma now.

Marie took the tea to settle her stomach without any kind of protest. She only sniffed at the brew with the hint of a grimace flashing over her features and she was positively surprised by the sweet taste. Lexa had obviously done the tea herself as the commander usually added the biggest amount of honey for Marie's sake.

Now that Anya did not seem particularly angry, Marie slowly inched closer to the woman until their legs were slightly touching on the couch.

Lexa watched their charge's mannerism with the hint of a smile playing around the corners of her lips, distracting her from the robbed caravan for a moment. It was painfully obvious that Marie was still unsure about herself, her self-esteem would have probably dwindled down a lot after what she had suffered through. The girl seemed to seek their approval almost constantly and physical contact seemed to calm her down again. Lexa hoped that their charge would get less skittish over time again. The girl's grey eyes still showed a lingering fear at their fore front and she seemed to search for possible dangers around herself repeatedly.

"How big of a loss is this?" Clarke finally asked while sitting down beside Lexa. She had cleaned up in the bathroom after Marie had left quickly, so she had only caught the very end of the discussion.

"We shall see" Lexa answered vaguely. She would need to hear the exact extent of what had been lost before she could give a clear answer. Calana had mostly stressed that fifteen warriors had fallen as they protected the caravan, it had not been clear if any equipment had been lost at all.

"Anya, you are free to inspect the caravan?" Lexa checked, although she had no knowledge of any of the general's plans.

Anya nodded and shortly glanced at Marie "She can accompany me". Both of them had agreed that letting Marie sit in endless meetings with the ambassadors was not the best choice of action while the girl seemed so unstable in her reactions.

Lexa inclined her head slightly. She tried to keep as still as possible while Alira braided her brown locks into her usual hairstyle. The handmaid mutely switched over to Marie after she had finished the commander's hair. It was not important for Marie to learn to do her own hair in this intricate fashion at the moment and the girl could always wear an easier style if there was no one available to do her hair for her.

Marie smiled slightly in silent greeting to Alira and her smile brightened considerable when the handmaid pulled a hidden honey cake from one of her backs and handed the pastry over to her.

Anya slightly rolled her eyes. She was still convinced that letting indulge the girl in such a fashion was spoiling their charge needlessly. She had tried to reason with Lexa that Marie should get used to a simpler life style with less luxury, but the commander had not been impressed with her argumentation and had quickly waved her off. She still planned to take Marie and Ontari in addition to a longer outing, probably lasting a few weeks, where they would be responsible for much more than they were now in the tower. She was grateful that she had had the possibility to hold a vast part of Lexa's education outside of Polis and Anya was convinced both of her charges would benefit from such a separation as well.

"Are we going to see the horses as well?" Marie asked, voice tinted with enthusiasm, in between a few bites of the honey cake.

Anya nodded with a slight smirk, before her brown eyes turned to Lexa. She was aware of the commander's promise that Marie would be getting one of the horses for her personal use and she highly doubted that Lexa would let the girl down.

A frown flashed over Marie's features before she looked over to Lexa and confusion appeared in her grey eyes.

Lexa lightly glared at the general, but her expression was kind as she addressed Marie "I will take a look at the horses as soon as possible to see if one is suitable for you" she assured their charge.

Marie's frown only deepened and she even seemed slightly offended "I have not asked because of that…" her voice trailed off accusingly.

Lexa and Anya both narrowed their eyes at their charge, but both chose to not react to Marie's interpretation and simply continued with their breakfast in silence.

Clarke watched their interactions with a slight smile and she had to bite the inside of her cheek at the girl's offended scowl to keep herself from laughing out loud, which would not really help their still somewhat tense relationship.

"Laurel has asked for you to take her rounds today" Alira addressed Clarke, completely ignoring what was spoken at the table. She had finished quickly with Marie's hair and had nothing more to do in the commander's quarters.

Clarke nodded in acknowledgment and quickly finished with her piece of bread. A slight twinge of worry washed through her mind. She had come to like the lead healer of the tower and the woman was already fairly aged for a habitant of the earth and she had not noticed the woman ever missing one of her rounds before. "Is she feeling unwell?" Clarke asked the handmaid in a kind tone.

Alira shook her head "Not that I know of" she answered and waited for Lexa to officially dismiss her from the room.

Marie watched the handmaid leave with a slight frown "Where is Risha?" she asked in obvious confusion. She had gotten used to the fact that the wolf got fed in the kitchen of the tower before breakfast and usually returned when breakfast was served and she had just now noticed the animal's absence.

"Probably outside of the tower" Lexa answered easily. While the wolf had mostly kept her company during the days in the last months, the wolf had also vanished for quiet some hours at times. Guards had told her that Risha was roaming the streets and even occasionally left the confines of the capitol. The people of Polis all knew the wolf and none of them would harm Risha. The wolf was also old enough now to protect itself if needed.

Marie nodded mutely, although her expression clearly showed how lacking she had found the answer.

"Risha is no dog, Marie" Anya acknowledged the girl's train of thought "She has a mind of her own and is able to defend herself, wolves need the possibility to hunt and move around as they please".

Marie begrudgingly nodded again. She was slightly surprised that Anya had picked up on her thoughts like that, without her actually ever having said anything yet.

"Come" Anya finally addressed the girl a few moments later. She knew that Lexa would need to open the meeting with the ambassadors as soon as possible and Marie had stopped actually eating anything some time ago. She tried to keep track of how much their charge ate during their shared meals. That the girl had managed to take a sleeping aid without her noticing at all was still gnawing at her and Anya was intent to keep better track of the girl from now on. The tea they had Marie drink before the meals, seemed to help their charge greatly and she had not seen her vomit after eating any longer. They would still need to see how her body reacted when she stopped taking the tea.

Marie quickly stood up and smiled slightly at Lexa before falling into step behind Anya. The general held the girl's dark green coat for her and waited for her to slip her arms into the sleeves. Although it was still summer, the temperatures were dropping already, which also showed that their time to move into the north was getting shorter every day now.

Marie frowned slightly at the coat "Is it so cold outside already?". She had not paid any close attention to the weather in the last weeks. During her time with the Ice queen there had always been snow and after returning to Polis the weather had just not been important to her at all.

"The summer is ending already" Anya answered curtly. A hint of impatience flashed over her features and it was enough for Marie to quicken her steps and stop asking questions.

Marie's frown deepened. She remembered now that Lexa had promised to show her the sea, where Luna's clan lived. She guessed that such a journey would make the most sense in summer and she disappointed that they would not be travelling there. Marie knew that the war with Azgeda was much more important and that her disappointment was childish, so she tried to quell it quickly.

The way through the tower passed mostly in silence and Anya watched Marie from the corner of her eyes. The girl's whole frame had visibly tensed once they left the tower and the girl's features had gotten almost blank as well. She sighed under her breath, the girl would need to learn to feel more comfortable outside of the tower as soon as possible.

Marie quickly found that inspecting the caravan was not as interesting as she had hoped.

The caravan mostly consisted of a few wagons, which had been filled to the brim with pelts, thick leather to built tents, weapons and supplies. Apparently, almost half of the wagons had been lost in the attack. They had been burnt by flaming arrows and everything had been destroyed by the flames before the warriors had been able to fend off the attack. Only ten warriors had survived the attack and a few of the horses had either been killed or managed to flee.

A flitting smile washed over her features when she noticed a group of horses who had been horded into a temporary paddock. The horses were playfully tossing their heads around at each other, as if they were teasing each other. Another smaller group of horses was kept separated from the larger group and Marie felt her smile drop completely. All of them were visibly injured, some only had a few slightly bleeding wounds, nothing more than shallow grazes, while others were obviously severely injured.

Marie kept as close to Anya as possible as the general closely listened to the report of one of the leaders of the caravan. She did not feel particularly well outside of the tower. Marie did not yet understand herself why she felt secure to at least a comfortable degree in Lexa's quarters and the tower and so skittish as soon as she stepped foot outside of its protecting walls. She noticed how a few of the members of the caravan were eying her almost suspiciously and Marie could not fathom why. She had never met this people before, so they should not have any reason for their behaviour. The almost hostile atmosphere did not ease Marie's skittishness in the slightest and she felt the general's worried gaze returning to her every few moments. Marie tried to forcefully keep her expression as blank as possible and tried to stand tall and still next to Anya.

Her attention was called from listening loosely to the general's conversation by a slight uproar in the caravan. The horses in the larger paddock seemed restless all of a sudden and they trampled in place, blowing up a cloud of dust with their heavy hooves.

Marie's grey eyes were worried and slightly spooked as she looked up at Anya in silent question as to what might be causing the horses to act out at this moment.

Anya looked down at Marie for a moment with a slight frown before her gaze turned to the paddock as well.

Three warriors had run to the paddock in a frenzy. It took the general a moment to spot what was happening. One of the severely wounded horses had managed to break through the weak fence and joined the larger group of animals. Anya felt a small surge of disappointment; the wounded horse was obviously mutated. Mutated mounts were believed to be the strongest and most loyal horses to be found, it was hard to gain their loyalty and they only bound themselves to one rider during their life. One of the horse's legs was injured and the animal seemed to have great difficulties to move.

"We will have to kill it" Orlin, the warrior who had been reporting to Anya, said, trying to regain the general's attention in a calm tone. Frustration was clear in the man's tone as well, he was well aware how precious the horse had been before it was wounded.

Marie's grey eyes snapped to the warrior, horror etched into her features. The horse was magnificent and killing such a precious animal would be a horrendous crime in her mind. She looked up at Anya, opening her mouth to ask the general on how to safe the animal, but she closed it again without saying a word.

Anya watched the girl's antics from the corner of her eyes. It was characteristic of the child to want to safe a hopeless animal, taking in Risha was enough proof of that. It would truly be a shame to kill the horse, if it could be saved. "Are its' injuries fatal?" the general asked in a nonchalant tone.

Orin's brows knitted together and his expression was cautious as he shook his head. "Not fatal. But a horse with a wounded leg cannot function as a war horse" he reasoned in an even tone, with a hint of confusion.

Marie's grey eyes seemed almost angry as she looked up at the warrior and Anya could see the gears turning in the girl's head, before the girl could impulsively say something, she interjected with finality "Have it moved to the commander's stables, the stables master can take a look at it". Marie's slight smile was acknowledgment enough to Anya for her quick decision, she knew that Lexa would not have any objection anyway.

Chapter 193

"What was it that you had wanted to say to the warrior?" Anya addressed Marie in a low tone. They had left the caravan behind and were on their way back towards the tower. It was midday now and the streets were filled with people dealing with their daily duties.

Marie felt almost too crowded and she had moved a little closer to Anya when a young warrior had bumped into her shoulder only a moment ago. She glanced up at the general with a slightly raised brow. She had been convinced that she had been successful in keeping her expression blank, but apparently Anya had seen right through her.

"It is not important" Marie tried to brush her mentor off, looking away and letting her gaze trail around the people on the market.

Anya's lips thinned visibly and there was the hint of a growl in her tone when she reprimanded the girl "I asked you a question, Marie".

Marie ducked her head, a slight blush colouring her cheeks. "You already saved the horse" she tried to reason, but she still did not meet Anya's eyes.

Anya kept on taxing her charge with a warning glare, she did not care one bit for the girl's reasoning and she sensed that there was much more to it than she had said. She was not convinced that the child had kept her tongue because Nia had truly instilled it into her, the girl's expression had fallen completely at Orin's words. But she knew the girl well enough to wait until her charge was ready to voice which was bugging her at the moment.

Following a sudden feeling, Anya steered the girl in the direction of the stables. Lexa was surely still occupied with the meeting with the ambassadors. She was also slightly curious to see if the stables master thought the wounded horse treatable or not.

Marie looked confused for a moment at the obvious change of direction. Her slight smile returned when she realized that they were nearing the stables though.

Anya watched her charge's face light up when they entered the stables. Both of the commander's horses and her own horse immediately neighed in greeting at the child and Marie stepped away from her for the first time since leaving the tower. While Marie greeted the horses respectively, Anya walked through the stables in search of the stables master.

The general found the man in one of the boxes at the very end of the stables. The wounded horse had been herded into the small space. Five different warriors were trying to tend to its injuries, but they did not seem very efficient, the frightened horse was fighting them as much as possible.

The stables master backed off from the horse and called his men back as well, maybe giving the horse some time to calm down would make it easier later.

"General" he greeted Anya with a respectful nod, wiping the sweat from his brow.

"We shall try again later to treat it" the man said a moment later "The leg seems to be broken".

Anya nodded with a grim expression. If the stables master's assessment was correct, the horse would be dead. A broken leg would lead to an impaired leg.

Marie had followed Anya after a moment and she gasped under her breath at Anya's next words "Put it down immediately if the leg is indeed broken".

"Take a look at the other horses which had been delivered by the Plain Riders" Anya ordered and she was slightly surprised to hear that the stables master had already inspected the unharmed horses.

Unnoticed by Anya, Marie etched closer to the small box and peered through the fence to the horse. The horse's dark eyes immediately connected with hers. Marie saw the encompassing panic swimming in them and she felt compassion for the animal. Lexa had explained to her that most of the Plain Riders horses were untamed mounts, unused to the presence of humans.

Marie just now noticed how unusual the horse looked. It did not only have one pair of ears, but a second pair was positioned a little more towards its flank. A third eye rested between the other eyes, but it was not dark but a light blue in colour.

Marie cautiously extended a hand towards the horse's enormous head and she watched how its' ears flicked around in agitation. It trampled around with its front legs, clearly hindered by the swollen leg. Marie was in the process of retracting her hand again, when the horse suddenly quitted down and only sniffed at her fingers.

The horse neighed at her, but while the commander's horses' neighing usually sounded friendly and content, this horse sounded almost desperate.

Marie felt a sheen of tears gather in her eyes and her voice shook noticeably as she tried to reassure the horse "It will be alright" she promised lowly "They only want to help you". She had moved closer to the fence and could now let the tips of her fingers glide over the horse's velvet nose.

"Continue to do that" a voice from behind suddenly startled Marie, pulling her from her thoughts.

Marie craned her neck slightly to look back and spotted Anya standing directly behind herself. The stables master had stepped closer to the gate as well and slowly opened it.

Marie continued to caress the horse's nose and efficiently kept its' attention on herself, while the stables master inspected the leg. It was obvious that the horse was still less than pleased to be touched by the man, but it begrudgingly accepted the treatment.

"It is broken" the man's voice was grave and his eyes looked almost apologetic.

Marie's eyes turned horrified and her voice openly pleading "Don't kill it, please…"

"Marie, a war horse with such an impairment cannot…" Anya tried to reason with her charge. But Marie shook her head, tears falling down her cheeks, as she backed away from the horse and suddenly turned on her heels, storming out of the stables before Anya could physically stop her.

Although Marie could clearly hear Anya calling out behind her, she did not stop in her haste. Her mind was filled with the need to get out of the situation. She could not shake the look of the horse's dark eyes from her mind. It had looked so lost, frightened and helpless and Marie was sure that it would have pleaded for its' life, if it had the ability to talk.

Anya only curtly told the stables master to put the horse on hold and rushed behind her retreating second, coursing the child in her mind. This was not the first instance where the girl had opted to run away from a confrontation. But this was not how you solved something and she would make sure that Marie would understand this in the future.

Anya felt her heart rate increase with a surge of fright when she lost sight of Marie. The streets were still crowded with people of the different clans and the girl had obviously already slipped away undetected. She direly hoped that Marie would not hurt herself again. Anger pulsed through her veins, anger directed at herself. She had promised to herself to protect Marie as best as possible, but loosing the girl only a few hours after she had broken down did not seem like a good start with that. Lexa would surely be less than pleased with her and rightfully so.

Anya hurried her steps and she was well enough known that people immediately made place for her in her path. Her mind was whirling with the question as to where Marie might have run to. Ontari still had not returned, so her charge could not go to her. Lexa was probably still in a meeting, but it was questionable if Marie would think of that before she rushed to the commander. Anya quickened her steps even more and she ignored the confused glances of the guards standing post at the base of the tower.

"She is in the elevator" a male guard at the entrance of the elevator told Anya immediately.

The general lightly frowned, wondering how the man would know that she was searching for Marie. With a slight shake of her head, she silenced her own thoughts. The girl would have probably been visibly upset and she could not have been that much ahead of her.

"Is she riding the elevator alone?" the general asked in an impatient tone.

The man nodded and added "She signalled for the top floor".

Anya nodded in silent acknowledgment and turned on her heel, opting to take the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator to come down again. Marie was probably heading to the commander's quarters, but Anya did not know how long the girl would stay when she found the room empty. She hurried along the steps and her breathing had quickened and her legs were burning noticeably from the exhaustion of climbing so many steps in a short time, when Anya finally reached the top floor of the tower.

Loras was stationed in front of the commander's quarters and the young man immediately motioned towards the entrance of the room. "She just went in" he said when the general reached him "I was not sure…"

Anya waved him off with a dismissive gesture, but she remained rooted to the spot for a few moments, trying to gather her breath and to calm down. She still felt angry at her charge for running off again. She had called behind the girl loud and clear, but Marie had totally ignored her shouts. She could understand to a certain degree that the child had been upset, but she also knew how lethal it could be if the girl was going to ignore orders on the battle field.

Once she had calmed down considerably, Anya inclined her head towards Loras who immediately opened the doors to the commander's quarters for her. She direly hoped that Marie had not done something drastic in the few moments she had been alone.

What Anya found was Marie sitting in the middle of the commander's bed, clutching a pillow to her chest and crying bitter tears.

Anya felt her resolve crumble and her anger ebb away instantly at the almost pathetic sight her charge made. She knew how unbelievable compassionate the child's nature could be, but something told her that there was more causing her this immense kind of grieve than just the thought of a horse which was to be killed.

"Marie…" Anya addressed the upset girl in what she hoped to be a soothing tone.

Marie startled strongly at the unexpected voice, she had not heard anyone enter. She knew that she should always be aware of her surroundings and keep up her guard. But she could not shake the words from her mind that Anya and the stables master had exchanged. She tried to get control back over her crying, but she seemed powerless to stop the never-ending flow of tears.

Anya sighed under her breath as she slowly neared the bed and sat down on the edge, extending a hand and putting it on the girl's shaking shoulder. She was positively surprised that the child did not make any attempt to shake it off. She squeezed the girl's shoulder softly and brushed a few tears from her wet cheek. "Marie, you have to understand that a maimed horse cannot…" she tried to appeal to the girl's rationality.

Marie's reaction startled the general strongly. The girl's grey eyes had lost all of their sadness and were burning with an intense rage, she had slid a little distance away and her whole frame was shaking with her erratic breath. "So you are going to kill me too?!" she screamed angrily.

Anya was taken aback slightly by the girl's sudden mood swing and her features reflected her bewilderment. What had gotten into the child now? She shook her head in the negative and her tone was not as steady as she would have liked "How have you gotten this insane idea now?"

Marie snorted and her lips thinned, a bitter expression overtook her expression "You are going to have the wounded horse killed…"

Anya's brows knitted together in confusion. She waited for her charge to offer something more as she did not understand the girl's logic at the moment.

"I am spoiled goods as well…" Marie screeched, anger and resignation now seemed to battle in her grey eyes.

Anya felt the girl's words like a physical slap and she felt her breath being knocked out of her chest. A sheen of tears mystified her own gaze and Anya ignored Marie's obvious anger, sliding closer to the girl and pulling her into a tight hug.

Marie fought against her hold for a few moments, before the girl fisted her fists into Anya's shirt and leaned closer against the woman. She kept on mumbling "I am damaged…"

Anya tightened her arms around the girl's body, as she felt a tear slide down her own cheek unbidden. She felt the child's tears dampening a patch on her shirt, as she let a hand glide through the girl hair and drew calming circles on her back. When it seemed as if the girl's hysterical crying was slowly dying down, Anya backed away slightly so that she could look into Marie's grey eyes.

"Marie, listen closely to me" she addressed the girl in a compassionate tone "You are not damaged. You are not any kind of spoiled goods in any form".

Marie lightly snorted under her breath, which sounded almost like a watery smirk. She shook her head in denial "I am" she claimed "I cannot stand darkness any longer, I cannot eat without feeling sick, I cannot leave the tower without feeling afraid, I cannot think of…the queen…" Marie was shaking strongly as her voice gave out.

Anya's lips thinned slightly at the girl's stubbornness. "You have suffered through months of torture and you survived, Marie, you are stronger than you think and you will feel better again" she tried to reassure her charge in a vehement tone. The general could fathom why the girl was feeling this way, but she needed to learn to let go of her fears now. No one expected Marie to heal overnight, all of them were aware of just how long it might take Marie to truly heal.

Anya could see in Marie's grey eyes that her words did have some effect on the child, but it was also apparent that she had not yet run out of arguments either.

Marie eased out of the embrace completely and stood from the bed, her voice had turned distant as she said "I am your and the commander's second. I am a weakness like this…" She remembered how the people from the caravan had looked at her. She had heard some whispering to each other about the commander's second who had returned mysteriously after months with the Ice queen.

Anya stood from the bed as well and stopped Marie in her tracks as the girl had begun to pace the length of the room. If it were possible, she would have liked nothing better than to take the girl and physically knock back some sense into her, but Anya knew that it would be no use. "You know very well that you are much more to me and Lexa than a mere second" the general exclaimed, trying to keep the dismay from her tone and not succeeding completely. "We have already told you that you are stuck with us now" she added.

Marie breathed out a light laugh and shook her head with a strange grimace mixed with sadness and humour. "We are not officially family…" she said lowly, almost too low for Anya to be able to catch the words.

Anya frowned at her charge's words and she shook her head with a sigh. Internally she noted to speak with Lexa about he girl's obvious worry. They had been sure that keeping the girl as their second would be enough, but it might not be sufficient anymore now.

Marie grimaced when it finally registered in her mind that she had caused another scene and had been on the verge of another break down, she sighed, feeling more disappointed with herself than anything else. "I do not feel strong…" Marie whispered as she sank down on the edge of the bed.

Anya's features lost their strictness and became utterly soft while she crouched down in front of Marie. "You need to have patience with yourself, Marie" the general said to her charge and her brown eyes were urging Marie to understand "You are not weak and you will recognize that sooner or later" she promised.

Marie's expression did not look as if the girl had truly been convinced by her mentor's words, but she nevertheless nodded in silent acceptance. She let her head fall forwards slightly and rested her forehead against Anya's shoulder, breathing in her scent deeply. "Does the horse really have to be killed?" Marie asked, a definite whine present in her tone.

Anya sighed under her breath and she felt her resolve crumble confronted with the child's persistence and the deep longing in her grey eyes as she peered up through her lashes. "The stables master will take a look at it later again" she tried to amend. A little steel reinfused into her tone "If he thinks that the horse cannot be saved, it will be put down."

Marie nodded with a reluctant expression, but she knew this certain tone of voice well enough to know that trying to argue with her mentor further would lead to nothing.

"When will Lexa return?" Marie asked after a few moments of silence.

Anya frowned slightly and stood up again, her legs still felt the exhaustion of having climbed all the stairs to the top of the tower in a hurry. "When she is done with her duties for the day" she answered vaguely. Marie should know by now that the commander was a very busy person.

Marie pursed her lips, obviously not satisfied with the general's answer. "Can you not call for her?" she asked, her grey eyes pleading with the woman mutely.

Anya shook her head in denial. She was well aware that Lexa would come up immediately if she called for her, but Marie seemed to be reasonably calm again and the girl should not get used to the fact that Lexa would abandon her duty for her if she pleased.

"We shall resume your lessons now" Anya addressed the girl after a moment, efficiently distracting her from whatever thoughts were still plaguing her mind and trying to ignore Marie's visible disappointment at being denied like that.

Marie groaned for a moment, but she straightened up immediately when she caught Anya glaring at her antics. She knew that there was still a lot that she needed to learn, but specifics about the trade between the different clans of the coalition did not sound very thrilling.

Aden and Ontari finally make it back to the capitol in this at well. Let me know what you think ;)

I hope you are still enjoying what I write. I cannot seem to put a stop to it xD

Chapter 194

"Anya?" Marie addressed her mentor. She was supposed to be reading a text about the early history of Trikru, but the text was hard to read and she was losing the patience to read and felt boredom creep into her mind.

Anya had already noticed the girl's slacking attention, Marie had started to fidget in her place some time ago. Although Clarke had said that Marie should rest today and recover from the strain on her body of the last days, Anya thought that having the girl exercise physically would probably help to calm her a little. It was obvious that Marie was feeling restless and found it hard to concentrate at the moment. Anya had tried to reign in her temper during their earlier lesson and not snap at the child for her tardiness.

She looked up at her charge in silent question from the report she had been reading and waited for Marie to state her mind.

"Can we go outside again?" Marie asked after another beat of silence.

Anya sighed under her breath, but she inclined her head in agreement. She doubted Marie would continue her reading for much longer anyway and forcing the child to continue would not do much good.

The girl smiled softly in obvious relieve and immediately snapped the book shut. Her mood lifted instantly and secretly Marie hoped that Lexa or Ontari would have returned later as well.

Anya led Marie outside of the tower in silence. The girl was smiling slightly and she looked around the base of the tower in what could pass as curiosity. Anya did not comment on the fact to how close Marie kept walking to her, she could feel the girl's shoulder bumping into her side with every other step.

Although the streets were still crowded, it seemed that a few people had already returned to their homes or stopped by at a tavern. So, the crowd was thinned at least somewhat.

"Can we go to the market?" Marie asked lowly. She did not think that anyone was watching her in particular at the moment or she could at least pretend in her mind that the people were solely looking at Anya and not at her.

Anya guided the girl towards the market, she had not taken the girl there since her return and she had enjoyed looking at all the offered wares before.

It seemed that Marie still enjoyed the markets and the girl seemed to forget about all the eyes still watching them. She skidded between the stalls and was freely accepting the free samples from the stalls which offered food.

Anya watched the girl with the hint of a smile ghosting around the corners of her lips. She kept back slightly and only watched her charge, but she still kept track of their surroundings acutely.

Not too far away from them two young men suddenly started to argue loudly. Anya quickly observed that both of them had already had more alcohol for the day than was advisable. Both were dressed as warriors and she guessed that they were part of the troops already gathering in and around Polis.

"Stay here" she addressed Marie sharply and strode over to the two quarrelling men before their companions could chose to aid their friend and the little argument would develop into a small brawl.

Marie watched Anya walk away with a slight frown. As soon as the woman had left her side and she could not clearly see her anymore, she was suddenly fully aware of the people staring at her. Marie straightened herself and tried to keep her breathing steady.

"Here" a girl behind her addressed Marie in a kind tone.

Marie turned around abruptly, she had still watched the place where Anya had vanished in the crowd. She stood opposite of a girl which could not be much older than herself. It seemed as if the girl was working at the food stall and a woman stood next to her. Both of them shared the same features, so Marie guessed them to be mother and daughter. She took a closer look at what the girl was offering to her and thought it could be some kind of fruit.

Marie took the offered food before she could offend the girl by declining. Cautiously Marie bit of a little piece of the unknown fruit and she was positively surprised by the taste. The fruit was a dark red in colour and it tasted divine in her opinion.

She smiled slightly at the other girl and inclined her head in acknowledgment "It is good" she said kindly.

The girl smiled brightly at her mother and it seemed she was proud to have offered something that was to her taste.

"Mummy…" a slightly younger voice suddenly sounded from behind them and the woman turned, just as a girl came running at her.

Marie did not know why the fruit suddenly tasted like dust in her mouth and why it felt so painful to watch the woman hug her daughter lovingly. She could barely muster more than a weak smile for Anya when the general returned to her a few moments later.

"Do you not like it?" Anya asked, motioning to the piece of fruit left in her charge's hand.

Marie blinked up at her for a moment and shook her head in denial, eating the rest of the food almost hurriedly now.

Anya followed Marie's gaze and frowned slightly. Her charge's mood had notably dropped but she failed to understand the reasoning. She had only seen a mother standing with her daughter, nothing to be upset about.

Before she could ask Marie, what had upset her, riders approached the market and the direct path towards the tower. Anya immediately spotted Aden and Ontari among the group and her frown deepened, wondering why both nightblood children were alone and not together with the rest of the conclave.

Marie moved in their direction without waiting for orders from Anya. Marie was internally grateful for the distraction Ontari's and Aden's return supplied. She frowned slightly when she noticed that one of Ontari's arm was wound into a sling and a thick bandage rested on one of Aden's legs.

"Are you hurt seriously?" Marie asked with worry flitting into her tone and her grey eyes switched between both of them minutely. It was obvious that both of the nightbloods had been hurt but Marie had no idea where the conclave had been at all during the last two days.

Anya had followed her young charge with quick strides and her brown eyes quickly took notice of the obvious injuries on both nightbloods as well. She recognized one of the warriors being part of the group as a healer, so she was assured that their injuries would have been accounted for already and both were able to ride on their own indicating that their injuries were not life threatening at least.

"An ambush by bandits" one of the warriors quickly relied to the general, keeping his tone as los as possible. It was not advisable for all citizens to hear that the bandits were still causing this much trouble.

Anya's lips thinned, but she nodded silently to show that she had understood. "I will bring them back to the tower" she said, efficiently dismissing the group of guards for now. She took the reigns to both horses in her hands and pulled the mounts in the direction of the tower. The guards could return to the guard house already, which was located in another direction. She would need to speak with Lexa about taking a larger number of warriors to put an end to the band of bandits once and for all before even more of them could gather in the woods. If they had been cocky enough to attack the nightblood children who had all been guarded quiet heavily, it was not out of the scope of possibility that they could try to ambush the outer region of the capitol as well.

Marie's frown had only deepened, she had heard Lexa and Anya discussing about the bandits before. She wondered if it were part of the same band of bandits that had ambushed her and Lexa in the woods some time ago now. Aden had only shortly answered her smile and all in all the boy seemed subdued and withdrawn.

"It is good to see you again" Ontari said, voice ringing honest and her dark eyes looked kindly to Marie.

Marie's smile grew visibly and she was internally relieved that the older girl had returned now. She had missed her presence during her absence.

"Clarke will aspect your wound later" Anya interrupted her charges' reunion in a slightly sharp tone, trying to remind them to mind their tongues now.

Ontari only inclined her head in silent acknowledgement. She had already expected that the general would wish for someone else to assess her wound additionally although she was still rattled slightly by the Trikru woman's obvious care for her.

Marie had understood Anya's subtle hint that they should not speak freely in the openness of the streets and kept silent the rest of the way back to the tower. The girl seemed rather impatient to get inside and be able to ask what had happened to them. Internally the girl wondered what might have happened to the rest of the conclave and she hoped that all of them were fine. She winced slightly when she caught herself thinking in ways she should not, she knew that she would not truly mourn for Kato if he had happened to die.

Once they reached the base of the tower Anya helped Aden down from the horse when the boy visibly hesitated to dismount.

Marie offered a hand to Ontari in silence. The nightblood was visibly startled by the kind gesture and seemed to contemplate her hand for a beat in thought before she extended the hand of her uninjured hand and leaned a little of her weight on Marie.

Marie gasped slightly when Ontari dismounted, she had severely miscalculated the impact of Ontari's weight on her own body and she felt her knees buckle under own body, unable to hold up both of their combined weights.

Anya was not quick enough to set Aden on his feet and hurry over to Marie before both of her charges had already tumbled down next to Ontari's horse, both of them emitting a startled yelp at the same time. The older nightblood had fallen on Marie's smaller body and was hurriedly trying to get to her feet again.

"I am sorry" Ontari immediately apologized to Marie, shamefaced at not being able to get from the horse without help. One injured arm should not impair her in such a way and she should have been able to dismount without any kind of assistance at all. Internally, she hoped that she had not caused any kind of harm to Marie, which had surely not been her intention.

Marie winced slightly when she accepted Ontari's uninjured hand and let herself be pulled back to her feet. She was still slightly awed by the apparent strength Ontari had and she wondered if she would ever show such amounts of physical strength effortlessly. Ontari had bumped with her shoulder against her collarbone and Marie could already feel blood trickle down her chest beneath her shirt, sticking the material to her skin. The wounds that she had caused herself must have reopened, after a thin scab had formed over them over the last night.

Marie shook her head, waving off the nightblood's apology. It had been her own fault that both of them had fallen down and she hoped that Ontari had not worsened her own injury due to the fall.

"Into the tower with you" Anya directed all three of them impatiently. She was acutely aware of the group of people who had stopped at the base of the tower and were watching the children.

Marie and Ontari followed their mentor's order immediately, while Aden took a moment to limp to the entrance of the tower. His leg was throbbing painfully after being in the saddle for a few hours now and he was wishing for his bed to lie down and rest more than anything. He dearly hoped that Heda would wait to speak with him until he had rested at least a little. He feared being faced with the commander's disappointment and he knew that Lexa would be disappointed in his failure.

They went into the elevator together and dropped off Aden on the floor of the nightbloods. Anya was musing over the fact if the ambush on the conclave could have been deliberate. Targeting the nightbloods who were supposed to compete in the conclave after Lexa's death could weaken the whole coalition. The bandits mostly consisted of those who had been outcast from their own clans and it was reasonable to assume that they would hunger after revenge on those who they thought had wronged them.

"What has happened in detail?" Anya asked once the elevator began to move to the top floor. There were enough guards on the floor of the conclave to ward off any unwanted assassins, but Anya was sure that Lexa would contemplate to increase their number again, the children needed to be protected at all costs. Without a nightblood to succeed her, the coalition would fall into utter chaos.

"Aden and I were paired off together to search for the token" Ontari began her narration. She kept out about what they had talked with each other, she doubted that the general needed to know about their conversations in detail. "Aden had been supposed to keep the first guard shift at night. But he had fallen asleep" she said but she kept the judgement from her tone.

Anya frowned slightly at this piece of information, but she was not truly surprised. The nightbloods may be well trained in combat techniques, but they were ill prepared for the daily life of a normal warrior.

"When I woke and went to relive myself, we were ambushed" Ontari continued. She told them they had been outnumbered and that both had been wounded while fighting off the bandits. How they had managed to kill them off and that they had decided together to call of the search for the token after they had found the killed guards who had been supposed to protect them from an ambush.

Anya inclined her head "You have both made the right choice to return without finishing your task. You could have encountered more bandits otherwise".

Ontari nodded immediately. She was slightly perplexed when Anya did not stop at the door to their shared quarters but continued to the commander's quarters. She was even more confused when the room was empty and Anya motioned her to sit down on the couch.

Marie made herself at home in the room immediately, shrugging of her coat and boots and discarding the items randomly on the floor.

Anya's lips thinned visibly in irritation at her younger charge's tardiness and reprimanded the girl to pick up after herself. Marie winced slightly but complied without any word, folded her coat together and place it over the back of a chair and placed her boots beneath the same chair tidily.

Marie pulled at her shit with a slight grimace, the material was starting to stick to her collarbone uncomfortably while the blood was beginning to dry.

Ontari just now noticed that one of Marie's hands was bandaged as well and the blood slicking her shirt to her skin stood out starkly on the bright material, she wondered what might have happened to the younger girl. The placement of the blood did not seem to fit to a training wound and she knew how careful Anya was in truly hurting the child in training anyway.

Anya had watched Marie as well "Keep away from them" she reproached the girl and swatted her hands from the hem of her shirt. She sighed under her breath at the sight of fresh blood. "Take the short off" she ordered promptly. Clarke had left behind a special kind of tincture to clean out the wounds in case they opened which should ward off an infection and aid in the healing process, the healer had anticipated that the wounds would not be healing quickly or easily.

Marie took off the shirt without hesitation, but she hissed slightly when the shirt pulled at her wounds where it had begun to stick to her skin already.

Ontari's eyes widened visibly at the sight of Marie's body, it was littered with various wounds which looked as if they could be scratch marks. The large wounds on Marie's collarbone seemed to have been placed with intent and it took her only a moment to realize what must have happened.

Her dark eyes looked at Anya with horror flitting through them, she would not have thought it possible that the general would agree to remove the kill marks from Marie's body and she could not wrap her mind around the fact that it seemed like exactly that had happened during her absence.

Anya frowned when she noted the nightblood's dark eyes hefted on herself with an accusing expression. She stared at the girl in silence for long moments, a warning in her brown eyes not to overstep her place and she was slightly surprised that it did not seem really effective at all.

Marie called her attention suddenly when she held up a piece of cloth and the tincture, mutely asking Anya to take care of the wounds instead of doing it herself.

Anya took the cloth without a beat of hesitation and poured a little of the strongly smelling substance onto it, before she carefully dabbed at the girl's wounds with the cloth.

Marie winced visibly and backed off in an automatic reaction from her touch.

"Keep still" Anya reprimanded the girl lightly, her brown eyes still soft and compassionate. She sighed "You have done this to yourself" she reminded the girl with a hint of frustration creeping into her tone.

Marie lowered her eyes guiltily, before she nodded and stood taller again, stepping closer to Anya again. She visibly bit her lips while Anya tried to tend to her wounds as gentle as possible.

They were still bleeding sluggishly now that they had been opened again. "You should keep them uncovered for now" Anya said and discarded the bloodied cloth.

Marie nodded, but she shivered visibly. The temperature was truly starting to drop again as autumn approached and no fire had been lit yet in the fireplace.

Anya put a fur around the girl's shoulders and tended to the fire herself quickly and only a moment later flames were already dancing in the hearth again.

Marie went over to the couch closest to the fire and sat down.

Ontari had watched the exchange with a frown and her mind was reeling at the information that Marie had caused the wounds to herself singlehandedly. She felt unbelievably sorry for the younger girl, although she could almost understand why Marie must have thought it necessary to have Nia's kill marks removed from her body.

Marie had felt Ontari's dark eyes watching her every move and she sighed, she had also noticed the judgement in her gaze towards Anya, so she decided to clear up the situation and told Ontari that she had broken down and cut the skin away herself.

Ontari's dark eyes looked at the younger girl filled to the brim with compassion and in a show of silent support, she stood and sat down directly next to Marie, putting her uninjured arm around her smaller frame and pulling her against herself without making any comment.

Anya left the commander's quarters after a moment telling her charges to remain where they were. She had not inquired yet if their own quarters had been completely restored yet and she was unsure if Marie would react well to return to the room anyway. Ontari's return did complicate matters though and she would need to decide together with Lexa how their sleeping arrangement was supposed to work out from now on.

Chapter 195

"Why would you hurt yourself like that?" Ontari asked, disbelieve colouring her tone strongly once Marie had stopped her explanation of the origin of her wounds.

Marie huffed, defensive taking over her features "I should not have gotten those kill marks in the first place" she argued clearly agitated now and voice rising with each syllable "I left the two that Lexa and Anya did though" she added after a beat of silence as if that would make the whole thing better somehow. It was obvious that in her mind, it did.

Ontari shook her head in disbelieve "Doing something like that was absolutely foolish" she retorted harshly. Internally Ontari was shocked just how desperate Marie must have been to do something like that. In the privacy of her mind, she could admit to herself that hearing that Marie had hurt herself was frightening her beyond what she would have thought possible and that somehow made her inexplicably angry at the younger girl. She remembered the Skykru healer's cautioned word that Marie's trauma may lead her to hurt or even try to kill herself.

Marie pouted and crossed her arms over her chest, she winced slightly because the movement aggravated her wounds, but she did not loosen them either.

Ontari's features softened slightly at Marie's obvious discomfort and she sighed, being angry at younger girl would not change anything. She only hoped that the general had concluded from the event that Marie should not be trusted to be alone from now on, who knows if the girl might decide to hurt herself again or even more severely the next time.

"How deep is the wound in your shoulder?" Marie asked, obviously changing tactic and trying to divert Ontari's attention from herself.

Ontari shrugged with her uninjured shoulder, she did not have eyes in her back, so she had no idea. She could barely move the arm though, so it was reasonable to assume that the man had truly hit her more severely than she had realized during the attack. Almost carrying Aden half of the way through the woods could surely not have helped the injury either.

She hoped that the general was going to allow her a few days of rest before she had to resume her training. Ontari was fairly positive that Marie would be allowed to heal before resuming training if the younger girl were in her stead, but she was unsure of her own standing with the general in that regard. Just because the general was taking stock of her injuries, did not mean automatically that she would take them into account at all.

"Why are we in the commander's quarters though?" Ontari retorted, redirecting the conversation away from herself as well, while a slight frown rested on her features. It was obvious how at home Marie was again in these rooms, but she herself felt uncomfortable in them, being more than aware that she was not supposed to be here.

Marie winced visibly in reaction, before she responded. Her tone was low and her eyes lowered in what Ontari assumed to be guilt. "I think I have destroyed most of the stuff in our quarters" Marie admitted, biting at her lips.

Ontari blinked at the younger girl in astonishment and shook her head yet again. "Where have you stayed last night then?" she checked, confusion colouring her tone.

Marie's grey eyes flitted over her shoulder to the commander's bed minutely. A slight blush dusted over her cheeks and she seemed embarrassed to admit that she had slept in Lexa's bed again.

Ontari's brows knitted together in consternated surprise. She was aware of just how much Marie had the commander wrapped around her little finger, but allowing something like that seemed a little extreme, even for the Trikru woman. She was not aware that the younger girl had already spent many nights in the very same bed together with Anya and Lexa, as they had never spoken about it.

Marie stuck her tongue out at the older girl in a truly childish manner and glared into the dancing flames. To her it seemed as if Ontari was excoriating her with her reaction.

Ontari was surprised by the younger girl's antics, but secretly she was relived to see her act almost carefree or at least freely expressing her emotions again and not trying to suppress everything any longer.

Anya returned in this very moment and immediately wondered about what the girls might have spoken. Marie was glaring into the flames and had not even looked up at her entrance and Ontari's dark eyes were dancing with silent amusement at Marie's antics, keeping watch over the younger girl's every move.

"We can return into our quarters later" Anya proclaimed nonchalantly.

Marie's face immediately turned into Anya's direction now and her features visibly fell as worry and disappointment appeared in her grey eyes.

Anya sighed under her breath and her voice was only slightly reprimanding "You knew that we would not be staying in the commander's quarters".

Marie nodded begrudgingly and her tone sounded vulnerable "I had thought we could stay a little longer…" she breathed and looked back into the flames with visibly sagged shoulders.

Ontari felt sorry for the younger girl and she addressed the general in a thoughtful tone "I could sleep somewhere else…" She would prefer to stay in their shared quarters, but she would go somewhere else if it helped Marie for now.

Anya shook her head, interrupting the nightblood girl with a strict expression "No, Marie was aware that the arrangement was only an exception". Her tone did not leave room for any discussion, so Ontari nodded in mute acceptance.

Marie pouted visibly, but Anya completely ignored the blonde girl's reaction and picked up the report again, she had previously begun to read.

Ontari did not know on how to try to cheer Marie up, so she kept silent although the silence felt rather strained to her.

The atmosphere was cleared slightly when the commander returned some time later. Ontari had been surprised by the fact that Marie had continued to pout the whole time and was still glaring into the flames, not reacting to Lexa's return in any way.

The commander visibly frowned, while Anya abandoned the report again and nodded at her previous second. She mouthed to the general, inquiring what had upset Marie, but the general only shook her head with a slight roll of her eyes, which prompted the commander's frown to deepen. She wondered why the girl only had a fur slung around her shoulders and seemed to be naked beneath it, before she noticed that the wounds on her collarbone seemed to have reopened.

She had already been told that Aden and Ontari had returned and had been ambushed on their trek. Lexa had immediately ordered reinforcement to travel the route the conclave had been expected to take. She was worried that the other two groups might have been ambushed as well and she hoped that none of the other nightblood children had been hurt.

Although Lexa had perfectly understood that Anya had wanted to convey to her to leave Marie stewing and wait for the girl to curb her mood, she felt that speaking with the girl was the better course of action.

The commander discarded her weapons, shoulder pauldron, red sash and cloak quickly, before she stepped directly into Marie's field of vision, crouching down in front of the girl to meet her eyes with a kind and calm expression.

"What has upset you like this, little star?" she asked lightly in an attempt to prompt a smile onto Marie's lips.

But it seemed that even her nickname was not enough to calm the young girl now. As if the time she had been left to stew in silence had only increased her agitation into anger, the girl's grey eyes were blazing heatedly at Lexa and her tone was furious "Anya wants to kill me!" she insisted and pressed her lips into a thin angry line.

Anya startled visibly at the blonde girl's words and Ontari seemed surprised as well, both of them looking at the young girl in shared bewilderment.

Lexa blinked at Marie in confusion, but she still kept her tone calm "Why do you think that, Marie?" she asked, trying to get the child to express her anger. Abby had warned them that the girl's emotions might not always be rational now, while she was working through her trauma, and that they should expect surprising and irrational extremes.

Marie ground her teeth together angrily, as the first tears began to run down her cheeks unbidden. She rubbed at them furiously, before Lexa could reach out and brush them away. The words suddenly bubbled from Marie's mouth, as if she had held them in too long and now could not speak quickly enough to get them out all at once.

"She…she said to the stables master to kill the horse…" Marie tried to get sense into her own thoughts and her grey eyes were staring at Lexa intently, urging her to understand her thoughts somehow, although she could not quiet understand them herself. "Its leg is broken…" she continued, her voice rising in volume with every word "…and I am broken as well…I should be killed as well …and there was a mother with her daughter … on the market … they hugged … she called her mother… I want that as well! … and we will not stay with you!"

Lexa could only blink at the young girl for a moment while her mind tried to process the connection between what had upset the girl like this. It was hard to make sense of what Marie had offered her now.

Anya had pinched the bridge of her nose in agitation. She had already discussed this with Marie before on their own, but as she had feared correctly that the girl had obviously not believed in her words. She thought that she at least now understood what had upset Marie on the market during her brief absence and she sighed again deeply.

Ontari seemed visibly bewildered by what she had just heard. Her mind was still stuck on the fact that Marie seemed to somehow be convinced that she needed to be killed because she was broken. She would have liked to say something to Marie, but she was unsure on what to say and she was fairly certain that Lexa and Anya were better equipped to deal with this. She was uncertain though, if she should stay or leave the room, neither of the women seemed to pay her any mind at the moment any way.

The first thing Lexa did after the initial shock had worn off, was to take Marie's hands into her own and stopping her to wipe at her cheeks so strongly. Marie's hands were visibly shaking and she seemed almost unable to cope with the storm of emotion raging through her mind.

"Breathe, Marie" she ordered the girl, fearing that their charge could be slipping into another panic attack with how erratic her breathing was. When the girl pulled at her hands, trying to free them from her grasp and shook her head, her agitation clearly only rising, Lexa pulled the girl to her feet, turning the girl around in the process and sat down, pulling the girl into a tight hug, forcing her head against her own chest. "Calm down" she tried to sooth the upset girl in a soft tone and when Marie started to cease her struggle against her hold after long moments, she let one hand glide through Marie's blonde hair gently.

Lexa shook her head at Anya, when she noticed her previous first approaching them. She wanted Marie to solely focus on herself now, hoping that the girl would calm down like this quickest.

Anya did not seem very pleased with being rebuffed like that, but to Ontari's internal surprise the general remained in the background hovering out of Marie's sight and not making any sound. Ontari tried to keep quiet and motionless as well, sensing that distracting Marie was not a good idea at the moment.

It seemed to take some time until Marie's breathing turned a little less erratic and Lexa could feel the change immediately when Marie's frame lost its tenseness and when the girl clutched her shirt into tight fists. Her anger seemed to have turned into despair and she started to sob loudly all of a sudden.

Ontari watched Marie cry heart wrenchingly in Lexa's arms for what felt like an eternity to her. The commander continued to caress Marie's blonde hair gently and was whispering soothing words into the younger girl's ears constantly, but it seemed as if Marie's tears did not want to run dry.

Anya wondered if it would have been the better choice to send for Lexa earlier when Marie had asked to see the commander, but she shook such thoughts from her mind. It would not do Marie or any of them any good if they coddled the girl to much now. She was convinced that Marie would regain control over her emotions soon enough simply through time to heal and recover.

When Lexa felt the child's breathing only hitch occasionally any more, she gently loosened her balled fists from her shirt and turned her a little, so that she could look into her grey eyes again. It physically hurt to see the girl clearly suffering like this, the child seemed exhausted and Lexa mused that Marie was probably overwhelmed by her own feelings right now.

Marie's grey eyes were bloodshot and red from crying and her features were drawn, she looked small and even younger all of a sudden, encircled in Lexa's strong arms.

"Now, explain to me again, what has gotten you so upset, Marie" Lexa gently urged the girl as she continued to stare into her grey eyes.

When anger immediately blazed through the child's grey eyes and her body stiffened again, Lexa shook her head, her expression turned strict for a moment. "No, explain it to me calmly" Lexa ordered with a hint of strictness in her tone and resumed caressing the girl's hair, calming her down instantly again.

Marie sighed, her breathing hitched once and she seemed to contemplate on how to start to explain what had happened. "You know that I went with Anya to look at the caravan from the Plain Riders" the girl finally started after taking a deep breath, obviously trying hard now to reign in her own temper.

Lexa nodded with a patient expression, but remained silent and gave the girl time to voice her thoughts now that she had calmed.

"Anya listened to one of them report what they had lost" Marie recounted what had happened with a slightly far-away look on her face "And …" she stopped for a moment and her brows creased when she remembered another detail. "Some of the warriors whispered about me" she grumbled, a hint of anger seeping back into her tone "They think I am loyal to the queen now…" she huffed in obvious agitation and her lips formed a displeased thin line.

Lexa inclined her head in acknowledgment, she would not have expected it otherwise, Kato's reaction had been enough proof that others would likely share his opinion, at least those who did not know the sweet child personally. "Which you are not" she commented without a sliver of doubt, voice calm and green eyes kind and intent, waiting for Marie to continue. She could fathom that it would be frustrating for Marie to be confronted with distrust, the girl had not chosen to be with Nia, but no one knew exactly what had happened to Marie or under which circumstances she had vanished or returned to Polis. It was no wonder that rumours had spread through the clans. Lexa and Anya would need to think of a way for Marie to show her continued loyalty to her as the commander for the rumours to stop soon, or Lexa feared they would continue indefinite.

Marie seemed slightly surprised by the commander's easy assurance and awe flitted over her features openly for a moment, before she noticed the waiting expression on Lexa's face and she continued. Lexa was internally slightly irritated to note on the girl's obvious aw, Marie should not have any reason to doubt her own standing with them any longer. "There were two groups of horses, the injured horses were separated from the others" the child said "One of the injured horses had broken free and returned to the others. They all seemed unsettled by it…" it was obvious that Marie did not truly grasp why the other horses had reacted in such a way to their injured companion.

"The warrior said that the horse would need to be killed" Marie continued with clearly rising agitation, before awe returned to her expression "It is really beautiful. It has three eyes and a second pair of ears".

The corners of Lexa's lips ghosted up into the hint of a smile at Marie's apparent fascination with the mutated horse.

"But its leg is broken…" Marie continued, the awe had left her features and she looked crestfallen now "Does it really have to be killed?" she asked, the hint of a plea in her tone now and her grey eyes seemed to beg Lexa to save the horse.

Lexa sighed under her breath and she tightened her arms around Marie for a moment "If its leg is truly broken, it would be cruel to let it suffer the pain" she reasoned with their charge in a compassionate tone.

Marie nodded slightly, clearly unwilling to accept this fact just yet and she looked away from Lexa into the flames for long moments. Lexa waited for Marie to continue as the girl had not made the connection between the market and the horse yet, so she knew that the story was not finished.

"I am sure that the stables master will do all in his power to save it though, Marie" Lexa amended after another beat of silence and was internally pleased when Marie's grey eyes returned to her face instantly in reaction.

Marie nodded again, hope flitting through her eyes that the horse may still be saved.

Lexa was convinced already that the horse would belong to Marie, if it could be saved somehow. She would inquire what the stables master's opinion was on the matter as soon as possible.

When Marie remained silent and only stared at Lexa mutely, the commander bit back another sigh and she chose her next words very carefully "You realize that your situation cannot be compared to that of the horse, Marie?"

Lexa paused for a moment until Marie had inclined her head with a doubtful expression. The doubt flitting over the child's features seemed to run deeply in her mind and Lexa felt it tear at her own heart painfully.

"You are not a horse, Marie" Lexa continued. She had hoped that Marie would explain more in depth why she had come to this insane conclusion that she should be killed as well, but she was fairly sure that reassuring Marie was the best choice of action now. "You may think now that you are only useful to us as our second…" Lexa continued and had purposefully included Anya in her argument.

Judging from the general's expression, the older woman had already tried to explain to Marie her error in her way of thinking and had clearly failed to make the girl understand just how important she was to them.

"…but you know very well that this is not the case, Marie" Lexa tried to explain to Marie in a gentle but intent tone "We both love you as if you were our own and we would not think to discard you like that ever, Marie. You have to know that". A slight hint of desperation had seeped into her tone at the last part, Lexa was at her wits end with the girl and could not understand herself how they should ever proof this to the child.

A small part of Lexa was internally fearing that their charge was truly doubting their love now in addition. They had hoped that they would be able to support Marie adequately with their love, but if the girl was starting to doubt that now, it would become even more complicated to help her.

A single tear ran down Marie's cheek and Lexa caught it before it could fall down her face. Marie nodded and although she did look convinced there still seemed to be a conflict in her grey eyes.

"What is it, Marie?" Lexa gently urged Marie to give voice to what was troubling her now.

Marie bit at her lips for a moment and she looked into Lexa's green eyes for long moments, searching for something in them.

Lexa did not know what it was that Marie was searching for, but she remained calm, intent on granting their charge the time she obviously needed to sort through her thoughts.

Marie sighed and Lexa thought to spot fear in her grey eyes, before she breathed "I do not want to be both of your second any longer…"

Chapter 196

Anya blinked at the girl in astonishments. For a moment it felt as if her mind was blank, unable to process what the child had just said. Before it fell into utter chaos. Confusion, disappointment, hurt and even anger battling with each other.

She opened her mouth to snarl at the girl what had gotten into herself now, but was silenced by Lexa before she could utter a word.

Lexa herself was trying hard to keep her expression calm and not come to a conclusion before she had understood what the girl actually meant. Anya had told her that the girl's training was still progressing well and Marie had never mentioned even a hint of not wanting to function as a warrior any longer.

Ontari was utterly bewildered as well. She was convinced that Marie had been fairly happy in her position as the commander's and general's second.

Marie seemed unsure all of a sudden and she looked between Lexa and Anya shrinking down in size in Lexa's arms and her tone was subdued "I want to be more…" she tried to explain herself.

"More?" Lexa echoed with a creased brow. She did not understand what Marie could become which would outrank being their second.

Marie nodded, but she did not seem willing to elaborate and remained silent, only looking at Lexa with pleading eyes as if she was pleading the commander to read her thoughts and understand her wish without having to spell it out to them.

Anya contemplated what Marie might be meaning, but she failed to come to a conclusion that made sense. She tried to control her own emotions, at least convinced now that Marie was not rejecting them all of a sudden without any reason, which appeased her at least slightly. The girl could not become more than the commander's second, there simply was no higher position of honour for her.

"Marie, I do not think that there is another higher position you could…" Lexa began to say, brows creased and obviously as confused as Anya and Ontari.

Marie shook her head vehemently, interrupting the commander and her tone had taken on a hint of impatience. She was obviously agitated that neither of them was understanding her, like she had hoped. "I did not mean any position" she exclaimed, her voice rising slightly, before she got quieter again "I want to be able to call you Mom…"

Lexa had to strain her ears, to catch what Marie had said at the end. She bandied a look with Anya quickly, finding her own astonishment reflected in her mentor's brown eyes.

Marie was fiddling with a few strands of the furs, pulling at them clearly restless now. It was obvious that this was something that had bothered her for some time now.

Anya looked down at the girl in disbelieve, her thoughts had quitted down instantly and she found it hard to wrap her mind around the concept. They were not the girl's mother by blood nor would they ever be. They may think of her as a daughter to them but they had not given voice to that yet. It at least made sense that the girl's mood had plummeted after watching the interaction between mother and daughter on the market. She had already wanted to speak with Lexa about Marie's obvious wish for a more binding bond with them. She felt slightly foolish now, for not having come to this conclusion sooner already, it had been rather obvious after all.

Lexa's expression had softened visibly and her green eyes seemed to swim in emotion. "You can call me whatever it is that you want" she offered immediately in an honest tone and caressed the girl's cheeks softly when her grey eyes snapped up, clearly startled by her answer.

Although Marie seemed relieved that the answer had not been a complete rejection, she still did not appear utterly satisfied.

Anya crouched down in front of Lexa, so that she could look at Marie's face as well. She had noticed that Lexa had probably purposefully not included her in the statement to give her the chance to make up her own decision.

Although she found it particularly hard to speak openly about her feelings Anya knew how important it was for Marie. She was not certain, if she would have preferred for Ontari not to be present for this particular conversation. But she hoped that the nightblood girl would also profit somehow from watching them being so caring and open with Marie.

She put a hand on Marie's shoulder carefully, trying not to startle the girl in the process and mindful of her wounds. When Marie had turned her grey eyes to meet her gaze Anya said "I would feel honoured if you want to call me something else, Marie, as I already regard you as more than just my second".

Marie smiled a watery smile at the general and nodded.

Anya sighed under breath after she had bandied another look with the commander. "There is a ceremony that would allow me to officially claim you as mine" she mentioned voice slightly hesitant.

Marie's grey eyes instantly shone with a mixture out of a deep sense of longing, hope and excitement that something like this could be possible. "Like an adoption?" she asked meekly after a short beat of silence.

Anya's brows furrowed as she was unfamiliar with the term, but Lexa inclined her head. The commander knew that term from books from the old word "It is similar to what an adoption in the old world used to be" she agreed.

Internally Lexa was frantically searching for a possibility to be able to offer Marie the same courtesy. But she was unsure of how such an act would be perceived by the clans. Now that they were on the brink of another war, she could not risk to cause any additional unrest in the clans. Hopefully she could some day offer to do the ceremony with Marie as well, for now it would have to do to allow the child to call her whatever she desired to. She would still discuss the matter with Titus, the flamekeeper should be able to give her another opinion in the matter, although Lexa was already rather certain that the bald man's reaction would be negative. There had never been a commander to have a child and although Marie would of course never be hers by blood, it would still be a rather severe break with tradition if she were to claim her as such.

Marie smiled openly now, clearly excited at the prospect. "Can I think about what I want to call both of you?" she checked, her eyes flitting between them.

Lexa inclined her head with amusement dancing through her eyes. She was fairly certain that the child would have thought about it already, but it was probably a tough decision for her and Marie did not want to settle on an imperfect title.

Anya nodded as well. The general was slightly startled to feel that a lump had formed in her throat and she had to clear her throat awkwardly.

Marie smiled brightly at the general and loosened herself from Lexa slightly, slinging her arms around Anya's neck and giving her a quick hug.

When the girl backed off again, her expression had turned slightly sheepish and her gaze was apologetic "I am sorry that I snapped at you …" She was well aware that she had overstepped with her mood previously and she hoped that neither of them was angry at her.

"We shall work on your mood swings" Anya admonished the girl, her tone still soft. She hoped that the girl would learn quickly to curb her tongue and keep better control over her mood. The child had not been particularly explosive before, so it was reasonable to assume that it would get better with time as well.

Marie looked even more sheepish for a moment, before her gaze suddenly snapped to Ontari. Defensiveness flashed through her grey eyes. The nightblood had already not understood that they had spent the last night in Lexa's bed. Marie had completely forgotten about Ontari's presence and she was almost fearing a negative judging reaction to what had just occurred.

Ontari was a little floored by what she had just witnessed. She could understand Marie's train of thought at least to a certain degree or rather the wish to call her mentors her mother was very in character for the younger girl, she had wanted to make sisters out of them as well after all. She did not know if there was any form of such a ceremony in the Ice Nation as well or not, at least she could not remember ever hearing of such an occurrence at all.

Since coming to Polis Ontari had already learned not to judge everything and if being able to call the commander and the general as her mother made Marie happy than it would be a good thing and nothing, she would condemn the younger girl for.

She still did not know what to say though, so she kept silent. Ontari was saved from actually saying something, when the door to the commander's quarters was opened suddenly.

Clarke strode into the room, carrying a basket with supplies in her hands. She stopped in her track all of a sudden when she spotted Lexa with Marie in her arms, Anya still crouched before her and Ontari sitting awkwardly on the couch next to them. The blonde blinked at the scene before her, but the healer in her immediately spotted the sling around Ontari's arm and the fact that Marie had only a fur wrapped around her back.

She noticed how Anya's brown eyes looked suspiciously wet and Lexa seemed to be deeply moved as well. Clarke wondered what she had just missed, but she was fairly certain that the commander would tell her later.

Anya was the first to straighten herself and stand up again. Her voice was gruff as she addressed Clarke "Ontari's shoulder needs to be looked at".

Clarke huffed under her breath at the general's aloof antics, but she inclined her head and motioned the nightblood girl to follow her into the bathroom.

Marie had burrowed herself back against Lexa's upper body when she had noticed Clarke's arrival. It was obvious that the girl was having a hard time processing that she had finally articulated what must have been bugging her for a long time. Anya hypothesized that the child would have probably already thought about something like this long before the Mountain even, while Lexa and she still had been convinced that being a first to the girl would be enough.

Lexa caressed the girl's blonde hair softly, letting her hand glide over her back additionally "You have calmed down now?" she checked, the hint of a tease in her tone.

Marie had picked up on that and a blush instantly dusted over her cheeks, as she nodded her head in mute agreement.

Lexa smiled at her and gently pushed the girl from her lap to sit next to her on the couch. "About staying here…" Lexa started to say.

Anya looked down at the commander with thinned lips "Staying here was only an exception" she interrupted the commander in a sharp tone.

Lexa's green eyes were disparaging at being interrupted like that and she knew that her previous mentor would not be pleased with her next words, before she actually said them. "Marie can stay in my quarters whenever she wishes to" she declared, voice ringing with finality and Lexa was completely unfazed by the general's glare.

Internally, Anya was seething. Marie would never understand and stick to the rules and boundaries if Lexa went around and undermined her just like that. But she knew that Lexa as the commander would always be able to just undermined her authority like that with Marie if she wished, she would still need to speak alone with Lexa to instil into her former second that they would need to agree on a few basic things. She would only antagonise Marie if she now disagreed with Lexa in front of the girl.

Before she could say anything, which she would regret later, Anya walked into the bathroom behind Clarke and Ontari. It could not hurt to inspect the nightblood girl's wound herself after all.

Lexa looked behind her general with a sigh, while Marie frowned.

"Is Anya angry at me?" the child immediately asked once the door to the bathroom had fallen shut rather loudly.

Lexa shook her head in the negative and assured "Anya is angry at me, not you, Marie". Although she still felt the girl's grey eyes resting on her imploringly, Lexa ignored the silent question. "You have been thinking about this a long time, have you not?" she asked instead, trying to divert the girl's attention.

Lexa knew that Marie should not harbour any ill will towards Anya and she guessed that the girl would side with her if Marie understood why Anya was angry at all, which would only increase the general's rightful anger against herself.

Marie gnawed at her lips, looking into the flames, obviously feeling awkward now. She remained silent for long moments and her voice was low as she mumbled "You are not angry, right?"

Lexa shook her head in denial "Of course not" she quickly reassured the girl. She guessed that Marie thought it weird that Anya had offered to claim her as her own and she herself had not done the same. "As the commander, I cannot promise you to ever be able to claim you as my own child, like Anya offered" Lexa said in a grave tone, regret flashing through her green eyes at being once again restricted by her station and her duties. Internally she doubted that she would ever be free of those restrictions, although she had begun to long to be freer in certain aspects of her life.

"But you would, if you could?" Marie asked after a beat of silence. She had begun to fiddle with a few strands of the fur again, obviously nervous that she might be rejected.

Lexa stopped the girl's nervous movements by giving her hands a soft squeeze and her tone was soft and honest as she assured "Of course, I would".

Marie smiled slightly "Than that is fine" she concluded.

Lexa had looked deeply into Marie's grey eyes and was relieved that she could not spot disappointment in them.

"Can you ask the stables master after the horse?" Marie asked next in a hopeful tone.

Lexa inclined her head "I will" she agreed without any hesitation. She could even go out in a few minutes and inspect the horse herself. It would still be around a candle mark before dinner was served which would offer her more than enough time for the trip.

"You can accompany me, if you wish" Lexa offered in a kind tone to Marie. The girl nodded enthusiastically immediately, standing from the couch only a beat later.

"You might consider donning on a shirt though" Lexa commented, trying hard to keep the amusement out of her tone.

Marie looked slightly reprimanded for a moment, but she accepted the dark shirt Lexa offered to her with a grateful nod without saying anything. The shirt was still too big for her, but tugging the extra material into her trousers minimized the problem.

"You have grown" Lexa commented as she watched the girl dress. The shirt was still definitely too long for her, but it was obvious that Marie had had a growth spurt during her absence from Polis. She would still need to grow a lot to fill out the commander's shirt.

Marie looked thoughtful and seemed to try to inspect here own body. It would be reasonable that she had grown in the last six months.

Lexa watched the girl out of the corner of her eyes on their way through the tower and towards the stables. She was internally relieved to note that the child seemed relaxed again. It was hard to understand that Marie could switch between anger and encompassing sadness at one moment and be smiling and happy at the next moment just like that.

Marie even went so far to take her hand once they had entered the stables and physically pull the commander in the direction of the box where the injured horse had been when she had last seen it. Lexa let herself be handled by the girl with amusement dancing through her green eyes, she was thankful that the girl had been mindful enough to keep her distance on the streets though. The warriors working in the stables were watching them already with slight surprise flitting over their features as they bowed to the commander.

Excited impatience was clear on Marie's face as she pulled Lexa along through the boxes. She ignored the commander's horses neighing at her in greeting and Lexa noted that they even looked slightly miffed to be ignored like that by Marie.

"Look" Marie immediately ordered with shining eyes once they reached the box with the horse.

To Marie's great relieve the horse was still inside and very much alive, it also neighed at her with flicking ears, as if it already recognized her.

Lexa inspected the horse through the fence. The animal was enormous and would make a fine war horse, it was really a shame that it had injured one of its front legs. Marie immediately pushed her hand through the fence, petting the horse's nose softly.

Lexa was once again surprised that yet another horse was obviously calmed by Marie's touch and accepted the girl so easily. She turned from Marie slightly, when she heard footsteps rushing towards them and Lexa noticed the stables master hurrying in their direction.

The burly man inclined his head respectfully to his commander "Heda" he addressed her.

Lexa nodded as well in silent acknowledgement before her eyes shortly returned to the horse "Do you think it can be saved?" she asked outright.

The man had a contemplative expression on his face and he seemed to measure his response carefully. It was obvious that he had understood how important the survival of the horse was to the commander's second and he did not wish to dissatisfy his commander like that.

"I am fairly certain that is appendage is broken" he assessed in a cautious tone "It may heal alright though. But it can only heal, if the leg is splinted appropriately and allowed time to rest for the bone to mend itself. It is not guaranteed that it can use it normally ever again".

One look into Marie's deeply hopeful grey eyes, was enough to sway Lexa's logical mind "Try your best then" she ordered.

The stables master was visibly surprised for a moment, but he quickly gathered himself, nodding his head in acceptance and calling some of his men to help. "It might be helpful if she stayed while we splint it" he suggested looking over at Marie.

Marie nodded immediately, she would of course do anything to help.

Lexa remained slightly behind Marie, watching on as the girl calmed the horse down through a few whispered words and a few gentle touches, so that the warriors were able to work efficiently on it without much struggle at all.

The stables master shook his head in amused denial when Marie tried to reason with the horse that it now needed to cease all unnecessary movement, so that its leg could heal as quick as possible. "I do not think, that it will have any use" the man commented, a laugh had crept into his tone.

Marie lightly glared at him over her shoulder for a moment, before she leaned even closer to the horse and whispered something in its ear.

To the stables master's great bewilderment, the horse instantly ceased all movements and remained perfectly still even as Marie backed off.

The girl looked up at the man with a challenging glint in her grey eyes and after the man had blinked in amazed confusion at the horse once, he did a low bow in front of the girl.

Marie was startled by the gesture and looked to Lexa, grey eyes showing her helplessness. Lexa laughed at the scene, shook her head with amusement dancing through her green eyes and motioned the girl to follow her out of the stables "We shall return now, little star, dinner will be served soon" she proclaimed "We shall ad horse conqueror to your titles" she added with a teasing hint to her tone.

Marie scowled visibly at the commander but bit back her probably pouty comment once they stepped out of the stables.

Chapter 197

Ontari walked over into the bathroom in silence, Clarke on her heels.

The nightblood removed her injured arm from the sling with a slight hiss, even though she had bit lightly at her lips to stop it from escaping, the pain shooting through her arm and shoulder had been like a hot blade pushed through her flesh. She tried to shrug out of the shirt on her own as well, but she was not truly successful.

Clarke lightly rolled her eyes at the younger girl, it was obvious how damned proud the nightblood was and asking for help to undress did not even seem to cross her mind. Clarke put the basket with supplies on a cupboard and approached Ontari "Let me" she offered in a kind tone.

Ontari whirled around to face the blonde healer and hesitance visibly flashed over her features. She seemed to contemplate the offer for quiet a few moments until she subtly inclined her head and let her injured arm fall back to her side.

Clarke smiled kindly at the girl and carefully removed the shirt from her body, trying not to jostle the injured limp. The grounder healer who had already taken care of the girl had applied a bandage around her torso and Clarke carefully removed the layers as well.

"I will need to remove those as well" Clarke said, keeping her tone light, as her fingers rested on the girl's chest wrap. Clarke had already learned that grounders had a different opinion regarding nudity, but she was still sometimes thinking in ways that were more common of the Ark and there she would have never removed another's underwear without at least asking for permission beforehand.

Ontari nodded again mutely and stood stock still, as Clarke unwound the chest wrap from her body.

Clarke's blue eyes flitted over the girl's revealed skin shortly. She had already heard from Marie and Anya that Ontari had not been treated well by the Ice queen, but seeing all these scars layering her skin was a brutal testament to just how badly she had been brought up. It was no wonder that the girl was carrying herself with such aloof pride and cold indifference. Clarke wondered if the nightblood would have ever shown another façade of herself, had it not been for Marie.

It was obvious that the girl was on the verge of growing into a woman and her chest already showed a subtle raise where her breasts were forming. Clarke was astounded to see just how muscular the girl was, even though her general built was rather slender; although Lexa's body did not look that different.

Clarke stepped behind Ontari and carefully removed the piece of cloths that had still been stuck onto Ontari's wound, prompting another pained hiss from the dark-haired girl.

"Sorry" Clarke said under her breath, although she already bent down and leaved through her supplies, searching for an antiseptic tonic which should also numb the pain of the wound. The stitches had been done roughly and uneven, they would undoubtedly leave a thick scar behind, but Clarke somehow doubted that Ontari would care even the slightest bit about that. She could have done a finer job at that herself, if the stitches held in place there would be no rational reason to remove them and redo them, simply to reduce the scaring.

Anya pushed the door to the bathroom open rather forceful and Clarke instantly noted how the general's brown eyes were blazing.

Clarke frowned and wondered what had upset the Trikru woman, but she knew her well enough already not to bother to ask. If Anya wanted her to know something, she would tell her.

"How long will she be unable to train?" Anya immediately asked, stepping behind Ontari as well and looking at the wound. The wound was rather large which indicated that the bandit truly had gotten a deep hit with his axe on the girl. She internally feared that it would take too long to heal for the nightblood to march into Ice Nation with them once the army was ready to leave.

Clarke softly pressed onto the wound, wanting to see if the stitches had been done tightly enough. To her chagrin, she had to note several spots where drops of black blood already gathered against the girl's pale skin. She sighed under her breath "The stitches have not been done well" she mused with a disparaging tone.

Ontari visibly flinched under the blonde's touch when Clarke exerted a little more force.

Anya frowned with a raised brow "They need to be redone?" she asked as a little impatience flitted into her tone.

Ontari twisted around under Clarke's hand and vehemently shook her head "They will do" she immediately claimed rather sharply and bent down to take up her shirt from the floor.

Clarke opened her mouth to argue with the nightblood, leaving the wound like this could easily lead to an infection or the stitches could just break open completely once she stretched the shoulder a little too far.

Anya's lips had thinned visibly and she abruptly tugged the shirt out of Ontari's hands before the nightblood could redress. Her voice was sharp as she ordered "You will have them redone, if it is necessary!" The volume of her voice had risen with each word and it was clear that she would not accept any contradiction from her charge now.

Ontari seemed to understand this as well. Reluctance was clear in her dark eyes as she stared at the general in silence.

Clarke mused that the girl was probably mentally regarding her options and chances to sway the general or trying to assess the general's mood. Anya had never seemed like a woman who would accept any nonsense after all.

Begrudgingly the nightblood lowered her eyes and followed Clarke's calmly spoken order to sit down on a stool. The girl was too tale to allow Clarke to comfortably work on her shoulder while she stood.

Clarke and Ontari were both likewise surprised when Anya mutely took another stool and sat down opposite of Ontari, clearly intent to offer some support to the nightblood girl.

Clarke shook her head behind Ontari's back at the general's antics, she still found it hard to reconcile the strict and serene general with the clearly deeply caring mentor figure. She shook her head again slightly, focusing on the task at hand now. She felt a little sorry the nightblood girl, Clarke knew that opening the wound would be painful.

"Do you want something against the pain?" Clarke asked the girl directly, but she was not surprised when Ontari vehemently shook her head.

Anya must have anticipated the girl's response as well and she did not try to sway her mind as well.

Clarke knew that grounders rarely liked to rely on medics to numb pain, preferring to suffer through the pain as a sign of strength, but in her opinion, it was just needless suffering. She could understand that someone doing guard duty could not take something which would influence the mind, but they were well protected in the tower, so there should not be a reason to suffer like this.

She nodded to Anya once and watched how the woman briskly took hold of Ontari's hands. Clarke did not know if the general wanted to immobilize the girl, but she guessed that she just wished to show her comfort. Without any other forewarning, Clarke sliced through the stitches with a small sharp blade, removing them as quickly as possible.

Thick black blood immediately ran down the girl's back and although Ontari had looked rather bewildered at Anya only a moment ago, she now squeezed the woman's hands strongly in her grasp, hissing under her breath and trying to sit as still as possible.

Anya did not say anything, but just held the girl's gaze mutely, waiting patiently until Clarke finished.

Ontari winced visibly every time Clarke pushed the needle and thread through her skin, but Clarke internally had to give her credit for keeping silent and still like this without any medication against the pain. The nightblood still breathed a heavy sigh of relieve, when Clarke wiped the wound with a tonic and applied another bandage around the area.

"I would advise to keep the arm immobilized for at the very least a week" Clarke said, directing her words towards Anya primarily "Two weeks would be better though. I am worried that there might be nerve or ligament damage if she moves the arm too early".

The general nodded, although a slight grimace flitted over her features.

Ontari tried to argue with the general that she would be fit to train with the other arm the very next day and Clarke listened to the argument with horror creeping into her mind.

"…Nia has never cared if I could move, had a broken bone or something else" Ontari retorted strongly "I can wield a sword with the other arm well enough".

Anya shook her head with a strict expression "You have heard Clarke's advice. You will not train for two weeks" she said, finality ringing in her tone and her brown eyes looked at the girl impatiently.

Ontari ground her teeth together, clearly angry at the situation "But…" she began to argue, but closed her mouth with an audible snap when the general glared at her darkly.

The woman's patience was clearly waning and Ontari knew better than to test her like this. Marie might get away with it, but she would not test her luck now. She accepted the shirt from Anya mutely and also let the woman help her dress into it.

Clarke constructed another sling for her "You can take it off to sleep, but for the rest of the day, you should wear it, it will enhance the time of healing".

Ontari inclined her head silently and let the blonde healer put the sling into place patiently. She followed Anya out of the bathroom and was slightly surprised to see the room abandoned. She frowned and turned to Anya questioningly.

Alira stepped into the commander's quarters in this very moment, two younger women accompanied her, carrying trays filled with dinner and drinks. Risha followed the woman on her heel, wagging her tail at Anya in greeting.

The wolf floundered through the room, sniffing at Anya's hand until the general let her fingers glide through the wolf's fur at least once. Risha's icy blue eyes turned to Ontari next and the nightblood tensed in anticipation. Although she knew now that the wolf would not hurt her intentionally, she was still not completely comfortable in the animal's close proximity. She kept her uninjured hand perfectly still when Risha stepped closer to her and sniffed at it as well.

Clarke clicked her tongue at the wolf and the animal turned from Ontari and enthusiastically greeted the blonde healer as well. Clarke had come to treasure the wolf's company in the last weeks. She had thought that it looked really impressive, when Lexa sat on her throne, Risha at her feet looking around the ambassadors with her sharp eyes. Risha had kept the commander good company during Marie's absence and it had seemed as if they had drawn strength from each other in a way.

"The commander is in the stables" Alira answered to Anya who had asked after Lexa's location.

"Of course" Anya huffed with a role of her eyes, her mood plummeting immediately. In her opinion the commander was spoiling their second rotten and she doubted that was a good thing.

When Marie returned, the girl was on her own. She was all smiles and shining grey eyes, so Anya easily concluded that the commander had found a way for the horse to be saved, indulging the girl yet again.

Marie immediately launched into a lively narration of what had transpired at the stables with the horse. Ontari found it hard to believe that the horse had listened to the blonde girl's words like she claimed.

"…but it did stop moving!" Marie claimed rather loudly, a pout on her lips and a challenging glint in her grey eyes.

Anya was torn between reprimanding Marie for claiming something like this, as she was convinced that the girl was exaggerating in her narration, and being slightly miffed with Ontari. Although she was not for coddling the girl, she was still cautious trying not to dampen Marie's good mood. The moments where they saw the child so happy, were rare and Anya did not wish to dull them in any way.

Lexa had sent Marie ahead into her quarters, she had heard that Aden had been injured as well and she wished to see to the blonde boy before tomorrow morning. It would probably also do some good if Clarke tried to acquittance herself a little better with Marie and Ontari, without her presence to communicate between them.

The floor of the conclave was quiet, when the commander entered. Guards were scattered around the halls, she had still not decreased their numbers and was not planning to either.

The younger nightbloods were still in a lesson with Rana, so only Aden should be in their shared rooms. A healer had been sent to Aden as well to assess the wound on his leg again. Lexa dearly hoped that his injury was nothing too serious. A nightblood who had a lasting injury would have highly diminished chances in the next conclave and Lexa was still convinced that Aden was a likely candidate to rise after her. With Ontari now in the picture, the outcome of the conclave would be questionable, but Lexa still thought that Aden would make a good commander.

The blonde boy had been lying in his bed and he tried to scramble to attention when her entrance woke him from his light doze.

Lexa waved for him to remain seated, he should not be putting any strain on the injury. "What did the healer say?" she inquired kindly, stepping closer to the boy's bed.

"Heda" Aden greeted her respectfully, lowering his head in reverence for a moment, before he answered her question "Nothing major was injured. It should heal quickly" he reassured "I can train tomorrow".

Lexa shook her head "You are not expected to partake physical training for the next days. It is important to let a wound heal fully. You might become comma…"

Aden interrupted her with a shake of his head and his expression looked crestfallen "I would not make a worthy commander" his voice was heavy and laden with guilt.

Lexa looked down at the blonde boy with a slight frown and let herself sink on the edge of the bed. "Why do you think that, Aden?" she inquired in a calm tone. She looked into his blue eyes deeply and was surprised to note grave disappointment in them.

"I failed you, Heda" he confessed, blue eyes slightly tearing up and his shoulders sagged in defeat.

"I am sure that you are exaggerating" Lexa mused kindly. She had not yet heard a full report on what had happened, only that the both of them had been ambushed by rouge bandits after the guards who had been supposed to protect them had already been taken out. "Tell me what has happened" she urged the boy, keeping her eyes patient and soft.

Aden swallowed heavily against a lump in his throat. "I fell asleep, although I had been supposed to keep guard" the boy admitted, features drawn in disappointment with himself.

Lexa inclined her head in silent acknowledgment and listened on how the boy explained the fight with the bandits. It was obvious that the blonde boy was shook deeply by what had transpired. Lexa listened patiently and carefully kept her expression blank, not allowing any judgement to filter on her face.

She placed some blame with herself. Lexa was aware that the nightbloods were not prepared well for such a situation. That had been the whole sense of sending guards closely behind them. The experience had been supposed to feel real to the conclave, although there had never been supposed to be any kind of grave danger for the children. Lexa and Titus had severely underestimated the dangers still lurking around the woods. They had thought about the possibility of the conclave encountering wild animals, the numbers of guards following behind them would have been large enough to sufficiently deal this kind of threat. Lexa was irritated that the bandits still remained so high number, they were obviously well organized as well. She had already sent some of her warriors to eliminate them weeks ago, but they had not been as successful as the reports had eluded her to think.

Not all criminals were subjected to a death penalty in the clans. For minor crimes criminals could be outcast from their clans. Added together with those who had been cast out of their clans because their blood lines had been sullied by deformed children, and those who deliberately choose to leave their clans and the rules of the coalition, the number of bandits could be much higher than Lexa had previously thought possible. It would be disastrous if all the outcasts and bandits sided with Ice Nation for example. She had more than enough warriors at hand to drive the bandits from the woods and back into the Dead Zone. She would need to officially make it illegal for any one not belonging to a clan any more to reside on her lands. She was positive that the clans would easily agree to her plan and Titus had already tried to get her to do this some time ago. Lexa had hesitated because she still thought it unfair to put those under a kill order that had chosen to leave the coalition.

Once Aden had finished his narration, the boy's blue eyes turned slightly more determined. He was obviously prepared to take whatever judgement Lexa would hand out with a raised head.

Lexa dearly hoped that the other two groups of the conclave had not run into bandits as well. It was worrying her greatly, that they had not yet returned to Polis. She put a hand on the boy's shoulders reassuringly "Aden, although falling asleep at guard duty is undoubtedly not a well-done task, you could not have predicted what happened. You both have fought well and worked together. You have returned to safety and aided each other" Lexa surmised, she would not accuse Aden of failure.

"We have not managed to get to the token" Aden claimed, still looking slightly troubled.

Lexa shook her head "This trek had never been supposed to be about reaching the token, Aden".

"About what then?" the blonde boy asked immediately.

"Can you not think of another goal?" the commander inquired in a calm tone, slipping back into the role of a teacher seamlessly.

Aden thought for a moment, his expression turned contemplative and took him a little time before he formulated an answer "We needed to work with each other. Fending for ourselves outside of the tower".

Lexa inclined her head "Even a commander cannot rule without support" she sighed "But all of you will need other forms of education from now on".

The boy nodded gravely and watched the commander leave in silence.

Hi guys, just to let you know. I have decided to take a step back, slow down the pace and focus more energy into revising the story. I have started to reread it and found around the first 100 chapters completely not matching to my writing style now. In a lot of places, it feels like there are feelings and descriptions missing and I have the pressing need to change that. I know that I have decided to do quiet a lot of work that way. But I do not feel like continuing to write at the moment. I hope, you can understand that. I still have a few chapters prewritten which I can post. I hope that you still like the latest chapters.

Chapter 198

Marie's good mood all but evaporated when Anya proclaimed that it was time to turn in for the night. Lexa had returned to her quarters some time ago and Marie had switched from Anya's side to Lexa's instantly and had not moved an inch since then.

Although the child had seemed close to dozing off, she was apparently wide awake again now. A deep scowl rested on her features as she glared at Anya.

Ontari kept silent, trying to merge with the couch unobtrusively, feeling utterly out of place witnessing this scene. In all honesty, she was tired and had been relieved to hear the general say that they would retire now.

Clarke seemed rather uncomfortable as well, looking between Anya and Lexa alternately, clearly indecisive on what to say or rather keeping silent would be the better choice.

"I will not repeat myself" Anya addressed Marie in a sharp tone, looking down at the girl expectantly, clearly having no intent to argue with the girl now.

Marie's scowl turned into an outright pout and she turned pleading eyes to Lexa in the hopes of convincing the commander to let her stay.

Lexa only shortly looked at her former mentor, the woman's brown eyes were angry and mutely warning her not to contradict her outright in front of Marie.

"I already told you, that you are welcome to sleep here, if you prefer that" Lexa looked down at Marie with a kind expression.

Marie frowned, clearly not satisfied at all with this suggestion.

Clarke sighed, it had not been wise of Lexa to make the suggestion in the first place. It was obvious, that Marie was now torn between the choice of where to sleep. "Why don't you try to go to sleep in your quarters?" she interrupted the argument, trying to appease both women. Although Lexa looked calm, her jaw was clenched slightly and she was clearly irritated by Anya's behaviour. "You can always come over later" she added with a kind smile to Marie.

Marie nodded with a cautious expression. The girl must have realized that Anya would not budge and trotted behind the general and Ontari a moment later, shoulders dropped in clear disappointment. Risha followed on the girl's heels, brushing her nose under one of her hands and walking with contact to one of the girl's legs. The girl's disappointment had apparently turned into sulkiness on the short way to their shared quarters.

Ontari was simply relieved to be back in their quarters and she immediately let herself drop down on her bed. She frowned down at her feet, getting of her boots with only one hand was not such an easy task.

Marie lightly glared at Anya after the general had closed the door behind them.

Anya sighed under her breath, she did not like the feeling that settled into the pit of her stomach at watching Marie being so upset and knowing that she was at least partly the cause of it. "You must realize that it is not possible for all three of us to move into the commander's quarters permanently" the woman argued with her charge.

Marie huffed, lips pulled into a pout and she stepped around the general without another word, shrugging out of her clothes and slipping into her own bed in record time. Risha jumped onto the child's bed as well and Marie immediately put her arms around the wolf.

Anya rolled her eyes with a light snort at the girl's overly difficult antics, she was convinced that Marie's sleeping problems would get better sooner or later and the child truly needed to get used to sleep on her own.

Ontari had in the meantime managed to unlace one boot, but she was biting her lip quiet strongly, bending over like this pulled at her injured shoulder painfully.

Anya crouched down wordlessly in front of the nightblood girl when she noticed her silent struggle, swatting her hands away and taking over to unlace and pull off her boots for the girl. "Do you want to change into something different?" the general asked, getting up again.

Ontari looked indecisive for a moment, before she inclined her head with a frown. The shirt could use change and the tight leather trousers were dirty from their trek and would not be the most comfortable to sleep in.

"Come on then" Anya motioned the girl to stand up, her face open and free of any judgement. She stretched out her hand to unwind the sling binding Ontari's injured arm to her torso, but the girl took a step back.

"I can do that myself" Ontari retorted, clearly uncomfortable with receiving help in undressing like that.

Anya rolled her eyes and a clear flash of impatience passed over her features "Do not be difficult now as well" she bit back, with a deep breath, trying to refrain from snapping at the nightblood. Her brown eyes shortly flitted over to Marie and although the child was lying in a way that her back faced towards them, it looked as if the girl was crying mutely, her whole frame shuddering slightly, while her face was pressed into Risha's fur.

Ontari begrudgingly allowed the general to assist her in undressing and changing into more comfortable clean clothes after that, she was still relieved to be able to slip under her own furs immediately after.

Anya hovered in front of Marie's bed indecisively for a moment, before she took another deep breath and bent down. She gently placed a hand on the girl's shoulder which visibly startled Marie.

The girl's grey eyes were red-rimmed and swimming in tears, when she peered over her shoulder at the general.

Anya sighed and the harshness instantly melted from her features, leaving them soft and kind. "There is no need for you to sleep alone" she amended in a gentle tone.

Marie sniffled audibly as she untangled herself from Risha. She had not bothered to actually dress into her sleeping wear and had slipped beneath the furs only in underwear.

"Dress and you can join me" Anya said to her charge with an encouraging smile and turned around to change out of her light armour as well.

Marie climbed into Anya's bed only a moment after the general had laid down. Risha had watched her human with her head tilted to the side and made herself comfortable on the girl's bed with a huff.

"Would have liked it better in Lexa's quarters with her…" Marie mumbled, obviously still upset, as she cuddled up to Anya.

Anya put an arm around the girl and slight amusement coloured her tone "I am aware, Marie" she sighed "But it is not possible permanently."

Marie nodded her head with a huff, cuddling closer to the woman and closing her eyes instantly when Anya let her fingers comb through her hair, lightly scratching at her scalp.

"Love you…" the girl mumbled sleepily.

Anya felt the girl drifting off soon as her frame became soft and heavy with her sleep. She shut her own eyes, hoping to fall asleep quickly as she doubted that Marie would remain asleep for too long anyway.

Lexa watched Gustus close the door to her quarters behind Marie with a heavy heart. She had not enjoyed having to watch the girl's clear disappointment and being unable to sooth her efficiently. She frowned slightly when she noticed Clarke's disparaging expression. "What is it?" she asked, a hint of defensiveness creeping into her tone.

"You should not have placed such a decision with Marie" Clarke told the brunette, barely looking up from her sketch book. She had started to do a sketch of how Marie looked now after she had finished with her own dinner and the sketch just needed to get a few finishing touches.

Lexa's frown deepened and she contemplated the blonde's words for a moment, while she reached up and started to undo her braids with practised fingers.

"Let me" Clarke offered, putting the sketch book down and retrieving a wooden brush from the bathroom quickly.

"I simply wanted Marie to know that she will always be welcome to sleep in my quarters if she wishes to" Lexa said, leaning back slightly. Her green eyes closed and contentment took up her features under the blonde's care.

"I know and I am sure that Marie is aware as well" Clarke reassured immediately in a loving tone. It was still surprising to her to see just how well Lexa did with children, she had never expected the commander to possess such a gentleness after she had first encountered the mighty warlord. "But you basically placed the burden of choosing between you and Anya on her with the way you worded it".

Lexa frowned again, her brows creasing together, before she pinched the bridge of her nose at realizing that Clarke was right in her assessment. "I had not meant to" she said with a huff.

Clarke's lips turned into a smile at Lexa's adorable antics. Right now, the woman could not have looked any more removed from the commander, her brows were creased and the hint of a pout rested on her full lips. "To prevent something like that from happening again, Anya and you will need to carefully discuss your course of upbringing for Marie" she suggested.

Lexa's green eyes instantly shot open at Clarke's words and disbelief was apparent in them "I am not her mother" she said offhandedly. Clarke had not been present during their discussion of Marie wanting to call them more than her firsts, so she wondered how the blonde could already know.

Clarke tilted her head slightly "You may not be by blood, but it is clear to everyone who is not turning a blind eye on purpose that the child regards both of you as her mother figures now" she assessed.

Lexa huffed under her breath, as doubts clouded her mind. Could she ever function as a good substitute mother for Marie? "She wants to call Anya and me her mother" she told Clarke in a soft tone, awe filtering into it at the prospect.

Clarke smiled brighter now and mischief glinted in her blue eyes "Well, congratulations are in order then" she laughed "You have just become a mother".

Lexa scowled assuming that Clarke was purposefully laughing at her, probably thinking this a horrible idea.

"Hey..." Clarke exclaimed, bending down and placing a weird kiss onto Lexa's plump lips from her upside down position "I had not meant to offend you" she immediately claimed "I already told you that you would make a wonderful mother".

Lexa sighed "I am not so sure about that…" her voice had gotten grave as it trailed off.

Clarke shook her head at the young leader and placed the brush down, going around the couch and straddling Lexa's legs, efficiently climbing into her lap.

Lexa's green eyes twinkled and a smile pulled at the corners of her mouth, distracted from her doubts for now.

"Marie adores you and so do your nightbloods" Clarke argued in a soft tone, her blue eyes boring into Lexa's.

A full smile now rested on Lexa's lips and her expression had turned gentle as well as she rested her hands on the blonde's hips, keeping her in place securely. "If you say so" she replied playfully, tilting her head upwards and placing a kiss on the corner of Clarke's mouth.

"I do" Clarke nodded with a laugh "Marie would not love you in such a way if you were not. You are a natural with children".

Lexa frowned slightly, she was unaccustomed with this particular phrase, but she could guess to its meaning easily enough. Her expression turned serious a moment later "I have never contemplated the possibility of having a family myself" she confessed.

Clarke's expression turned rather sad. She always found it upsetting to hear just how many basic things Lexa regarded as impossible for herself simply because of the position she held. It was a cruel fate in Clarke's opinion for such a gentle soul like Lexa to behold.

"I had not expected to live this long either…" Lexa added with a sigh. She had never in her wildest dreams entertained the idea of truly succeeding to form the coalition and see the Mountain fall as well during her life time.

Clarke lightly placed a hit against Lexa's chest "Can you just not talk about your impending death like that!" she demanded with a slightly raised voice. She had come to understand just how indifferent Lexa regarded her own life, but it was painful for her to listen to the brunette talk about it nevertheless.

Lexa mockingly rubbed at the place where Clarke had just hit her "I apologize" she said in a light tone. They stared into each other's eyes in silence for long moments.

"Do you ever wish that you had not become commander?" Clarke asked in a cautious tone. She had tried speaking about this with Lexa before, but the woman had not been very approachable then.

Lexa frowned slightly, a denial had been on the tip of her tongue quickly, but she had not given voice to it. "There have been a few occurrences" she admitted after a moment, melancholia flashed through her green eyes. Her expression turned lighter only a short moment later, it would not do to dwell on the past. "Today for example" she added as the corners of her lips turned downwards.

Clarke tilted her head slightly, an inquiring expression on her face. She gently placed her hands flatly on Lexa's stomach, feeling her abs tensing beneath the thin fabric of the commander's shirt.

"Anya can offer to acknowledge Marie as her own" Lexa explained "I cannot do the same, no matter if I wish to or not. The same as I cannot bond with you". Sorrow flashed over her features minutely.

Clarke sighed and she looked deeply into Lexa's green eyes "I am sure that Marie understands the boundaries of your station, just like I do" she tried to appease the young leader. "Not every bond has to be acknowledged by a ceremony for it to form. Marie regards you as a mother figure, ceremony or not" she added honestly, neither did she require a bonding ceremony to feel the deep connection with Lexa.

Although Lexa nodded, a contemplative expression remained on her features "I hope I will be able to change them someday". She had so many plans and wishes she hoped to push through before the end of her reign, she highly doubted that all of them could come into fruition. Changing the rules of the conclave was just one of them.

Clarke nodded with a grave expression, she still regarded it as highly unfair for a society to demand loneliness from their leader. But she had every faith in Lexa that the brunette could reach everything that she set out to achieve. "I am sure you will" she assured the young leader, voice full of conviction.

"We should retire as well" Lexa said a moment later. She would try to find time tomorrow to discuss about Marie with Anya, although she did not have a clue as to what they should be discussing in detail.

Clarke nodded and climbed out of Lexa's lap again, offering a hand to the woman to hoist her from the couch.

Lexa smiled slightly as she accepted Clarke's hand, but Clarke still thought that Lexa looked preoccupied. She watched the young leader go through her nightly rituals before sliding under the furs and the faraway look had not left Lexa's eyes even for a moment.

"What keeps you thinking so hard?" Clarke asked, her head pillowed by Lexa's shoulder.

Lexa seemed slightly surprised that the blonde had picked up on her state of mind, before she gave voice to her thoughts "I do not have a clue on how to raise children". A frown rested on her features and worry flitted through her green eyes.

Clarke's brows knitted together in confusion, she found it hard to believe that the otherwise so self-assured woman could now be doubting herself like that. "What are you so afraid of?" she asked, keeping her tone very soft. She knew how touchy grounders were when it came to fear.

Lexa looked down at Clarke disparagingly and her tone was slightly clipped "I am not afraid". She could not help herself for feeling affronted by Clarke's words.

Clarke sighed again and conceded "Fine, not afraid then. But let's just call it "worried"".

Lexa rolled her eyes at Clarke's stubbornness "How should I be of any help in raising Marie, if I do not know the first things about child care?" she asked.

Clarke snorted under her breath "Seriously? You have had your hands in raising the girl since Anya was in the Mountain".

Lexa winced slightly at the mention of the Mountain, the subject was still very delicate between them. She frowned "I have been her first then" she clarified.

Now it was Clarke's turn to roll her eyes "I doubt that you will find much difference between the two. Marie just wants to call you more. This is a difference of a word and nothing more".

Lexa nodded with a huff, clearly no finished with the matter yet.

"Anya has been a mentor to you and Tris" Clarke said. She knew that the commander would not sleep a single moment during the night if her thoughts kept her awake and by the tenseness of Lexa's body it was apparent just how much this was occupying her thoughts. "You have been a first before, right?" she asked.

Lexa frowned, but she nodded. "Yes, but not even for a year. I have never been close to the boy either. It was comparable to the nightbloods".

Clarke sighed under her breath. Why could the woman not understand that she already had efficiently been raising Marie together with Anya for months? She could fathom to some degree that the change in title was marking an important point in their relationship, but she highly doubted that the daily routine would change much for either of them.

"Lexa" she started, her voice had turned slightly desperate for the other woman to understand her point "You and Anya have been close to the girl for months now. This is truly just a change of how she calls you. She might wish to spend a little more time with you, if it is possibly, but I doubt much else would change".

"I still do not know much about child care…" Lexa grumbled, obviously unwilling to just concede now.

Clarke shook her head, a laugh bubbling from her lips "You have instinctively treated her in a gentle caring fashion, whenever I have seen you together before. She is ten and not ten months old, you will not need special skills".

"Fine…" Lexa finally conceded and bend down to kiss Clarke before the woman could say anything else. The kiss stayed gentle and loving, both of them were feeling tired and Lexa still thought it likely that Marie would be seeking her out later, so she did not wish to start anything with Clarke now at the off-chance that Marie could be interrupting them.

Clarke reciprocated Lexa's kisses lazily, she enjoyed the closeness to the other woman and would be quite happy to lounge in the bed with her for eternity, not wishing for anything else. She drifted off with a smile on her features and her arms slung around Lexa's frame possessively. Clarke knew that it was likely for Marie to show up in their rooms some time during the night and although she did not have anything against the child seeking comfort from Lexa, she would be a hypocrite if she claimed not to like to have Lexa to herself in their bed better.

Chapter 199

Anya had found it difficult to sleep this night. The girl's plea to be more than her second still ringing loudly in her ears. Although she basically had already been the girl's primary attachment figure since taking her on as her second, this was still different. Anya did not yet know how she would be reacting when Marie truly choose to address her in such a fashion. The concept made her stomach clench with nervous anticipation. She huffed under her breath in slight irritation. She had already treated the girl much differently than she ever had done with Lexa and Tris. She would just continue to do as she had done until now and hope that it would suffice.

If she thought back to the day that she had met the girl now, a shiver ran down her arms raising goose bumps in its path. If she had given into Indra's instant decision to kill the child without giving her even the slightest chance at survival, her whole life would be changed now. Would she even still be alive? Or would she remain in the outskirt of Trikru territory? Tris might still be alive then and although she regretted the way that her second had died and her loss still cut deeply, Anya would not change how she had decided.

The girl moved slightly in her arms and Anya tightened them around her frame, bending over slightly and placing a kiss to the crown of her head. She closed her eyes and forced her thoughts to calm, drifting off to sleep soon after.

Anya woke again with a tired groan. It was still dark outside and there was not even a hint of sunrise. Marie had already woken her three times before. The child was noticeably trembling in her arms and she seemed wide awake.

Her grey eyes stared up at Marie tearfully. Cold sweat glistened on her brow and her features were pale, clearly still shaken by the nightmare which had disturbed her sleep.

Anya tightened her arms around the girl, caressing her back and trying to sooth her back into oblivion. It had worked rather well the three previous times during the night. But somehow Marie did not seem to wish to settle again, the girl was utterly restless in her arms and kept on wiggling.

Anya yawned deeply "You wish to see Lexa, don't you?" she asked her charge in a tired tone.

Marie nodded with a tearful expression and although Anya sighed, she loosened her arms around the child's frame and held up the furs for Marie to slip out of the bed.

"Sorry…" Marie mumbled with a slight sniffle as she climbed from the bed.

Anya stopped the girl by grasping onto one of her wrists "Don't be" she reassured her charge in a low tone.

Ontari had changed her sleeping position slightly, so Anya assumed that the nightblood had probably been woken as well, but she did not seem to plan to acknowledge that.

"I am sure you can find the way yourself" Anya said as she let go of Marie's wrist.

Marie nodded, wiping at her cheeks with the other hand. She was slightly embarrassed by the whole situation, but she left their shared quarters barefoot only a moment later.

Marie walked through the halls, still sniffling slightly and she blushed when she stood in front of Gustus and Ryder, who stood guard at the entrance to the commander's quarters.

Gustus did not even try to really speak with the girl. It was obvious that she had cried and if Anya had failed in calming her down, he did not need to give it a try. So, he gave the girl an encouraging smile and opened the doors to the commander's quarters for her mutely. Ryder had gotten used to seeing Marie enter and leave the rooms as she pleased at all hours of the day, so he did not show any outward reaction as well.

Marie tiptoed into the room carefully. She was pretty certain that Lexa and Clarke would have already been sleeping and she did not wish to wake Clarke.

Lexa was roused from her light sleep immediately when the door was opened, but she did not move just yet and strained her ears. She could hear faint breathing and someone tiptoeing towards the bed. The steps sounded light and although muffled by the rugs covering her floor, Lexa was certain that it was Marie tiptoeing around barefoot. When Marie seemed to hesitate and the steps stopped, the child's breathing quickened slightly. Before her charge could work herself into a fit of panic, Lexa soundlessly slipped from the bed and walked over to Marie.

Lexa could only make out the outline of Marie's body in the dim light. Most of the candles had burned down and the fire had died down as well. She remembered that Anya had been careful to light new candles the night before, which burned through the whole night, keeping the room slightly more illuminated.

"I will light a few more candles" Lexa addressed the girl in a whisper, putting a hand onto her shoulder for a moment, until Marie visibly nodded in acknowledgment.

Although Lexa had given the girl a slight nudge in the direction of the bed, Marie remained rooted to the spot until Lexa returned to her side. "Lie down" Lexa urged the child in a gentle tone, barely above a whisper. Clarke was still sleeping peacefully and she would prefer not to wake the healer.

Marie frowned up at Lexa, confused that the woman seemed to want her to slip into the middle of the bed. She felt slightly uncomfortable with the concept, but relented when the woman gave her another mute nudge.

Although she had stopped crying on the way here, she still wiped at her cheeks self-consciously.

Lexa lied down beside Marie, feeling the girl's body tense and stiff and her breathing slightly elated. Slowly and carefully, she pulled the child closer to herself and waited to feel some of the tension drain from her frame. Marie had turned her back to Clarke and now placed her head into the crook of Lexa's neck as if hiding from the world around her.

The commander did not attempt to ask the girl what had woken her in the first place. Her crying had ceased and the girl had not said a single word, so she obviously did not wish to talk just yet. She pressed a kiss on top of the girl's head, whispering the order to sleep to her and lowly humming the melody of the lullaby under her breath until Marie drifted off again in her arms.

The rest of the night passed easier than Lexa had anticipated originally. Marie slept through most of it undisturbed and when the child had started to wiggle around in her arms, Lexa had been able to sooth her back to sleep with a few hushed words and gentle caresses.

Clarke frowned when she woke and found the bed next to her empty and cold. Sunlight already flooded in through the windows and she stretched leisurely, confused that she had obviously slept in. She looked around the room, expecting to find Lexa engrossed in her morning routine. The scene which her eyes fell on to, made her pause.

Lexa was sitting on a low stool and Marie stood behind her. The child's expression was one of utter concentration as she tried to tame the commander's brown locks into their customary braids. Lexa seemed relaxed and her eyes were closed. Clarke would have assumed her to be mediating, but the commander asked in a calm tone "Who is the leader of the Shallow Valley clan?"

Marie scowled visibly at the question and her hands paused their movement.

"Continue, Marie" Lexa reprimanded the child lightly, her eyes still closed "You can think and speak, while braiding".

Marie's scowl only deepened, before her look of concentration intensified. Clarke had never heard the name, the girl uttered as a reply. But it must have been the correct answer, as Lexa lightly inclined her head and asked another question.

The scene looked so weirdly mundane that Clarke could not help the snort escaping past her lips.

Lexa's eyes opened immediately at the sound and a slight smile played around the corners of her mouth. Marie looked like a startled deer and the child visibly seemed unsure on what to do now.

Clarke's own smile froze at the girl's reaction and she sighed under her breath. She had not meant to startle the girl and surely not to make her feel uncomfortable.

"Continue" Lexa addressed Marie in a soft tone, calling the child out of her slightly startled haze. The girl sprung into action again immediately with a sheepish expression.

Clarke smiled slightly at her, but the girl averted her eyes and focused completely on Lexa's hair. Clarke sighed again and shook her head lightly. "Good morning" she said to Lexa and added with a slight grumble "You could have woken me".

Lexa raised a brow in reaction and amusement danced through her green eyes "It is certainly not my fault that you sleep like a hibernating bear".

Clarke looked affronted slightly and opened her mouth to retort something, when she heard a shy giggle bubble from Marie's mouth in reaction to their light banter. She changed her retort in the last second "Is that so?" she inquired, mock affront colouring her tone.

Marie's giggling got slightly louder and the child surprised both of them by piping in "You did not hear me come in last night".

Clarke shortly bandied a look with Lexa and answered her smile with one of her own. She would gladly accept any kind of progress with Marie. It would not do for their relationship to remain this strained.

"I did not, no" Clarke agreed "You must have become really good at sneaking around" she acknowledged in a friendly tone.

Marie's brows furrowed visibly and it was obvious that the girl did not know how to react to such a statement.

"Lexa likes to compare me to pauna" Clarke added with a teasing tone, her blue eyes twinkling.

Marie looked at Clarke with a slightly tilted head for the fraction of a second, before the girl smiled again. "Anya said "I still sound like a baby pauna"."

Clarke was saved from giving an answer by Alira's arrival, carrying in breakfast. The handmaid seemed worried and her smile had a forced quality to it.

"I see you have taken over some of my work" the woman said to Marie in a light tone.

Marie paused in her movements, detecting that something seemed off in her tone.

"What has happened?" Lexa asked, urgency in her voice and her expression had lost all its softness instantly.

"A messenger has arrived a few moments ago. He was sent by the warriors who acted as reinforcement for those following the conclave" Alira said and her expression already told all of them that the message had not contained good news. "They have found more evidence of a struggle. They are searching for the rest of the conclave, but have not found them yet".

Lexa furrowed her brow, worry rising in her mind. She had been convinced that she had sent more than enough warriors to protect the nightbloods. If all six of them would be lost, in addition to Titus, it would be a heavy blow. It would leave Ontari and Aden as the only two old enough to compete in a conclave in the immediate future.

"Three more units are to follow them" she ordered in a brisk tone "The conclave must be located at all costs".

The handmaid nodded her acknowledgment and hurried out of the room.

When Lexa stood from the stool, Marie's almost shy voice stopped her "I was not finished" the girl said lowly.

Lexa waved her off and felt out the braids which Marie had finished. She quickly put the finishing touches to her hair herself. She acknowledged Marie's efforts with a nod and motioned the girl to start eating breakfast by pushing the tea to settle her stomach into her direction.

Marie fiddled with the cup, her brows still creased "Do you think the others were attacked as well?" she asked hesitantly.

Lexa had sat down at the table and was obviously hurrying along her own breakfast, she inclined her head in between a few bites "It is a possibility" she answered in a heavy tone.

Clarke returned from the bathroom, dressed for the day and gently squeezed Lexa's shoulders, hoping to ease the leader's worries for a moment. She pressed a soft kiss to her lips when Lexa paused eating for a moment.

Lexa's expression turned tender minutely "I need to start the meetings as soon as possible" she sighed. With Titus gone from Polis, she had more responsibilities again and she found the substitutions for Titus highly lacking. Lexa had not been aware of just how much the flamekeeper already organised without her input or she had rather taken this for granted.

Marie was still in the process of drinking her tea and her gaze fell onto Clarke's sketch book which was still lying opened on the table. The girl turned the book to herself, curiosity appearing on her face. A frown settled on her features at finding herself the theme of the sketch.

Clarke had drawn her sitting on the couch, staring into the flames in the firepit preoccupied. Marie did not like at all how she was portrayed there. The memory of the sketches Lexa had shown her, which Clarke had done for the commander and Anya after she had been brought to queen Nia, still fresh in her mind. The old sketches contrasted starkly with the image which had been painted in this one.

"Do I really look like this?" she asked, directing the question at both Lexa and Clarke.

Alarm shortly flashed over Clarke's features at noticing her sketch book in the girl's hands. The book was already filled halfway with sketches. Some of them showed little scenes from Polis, Lexa in different situations and quiet a few from Marie. But the book also contained some sketches of Clarke and Lexa together in rather explicit ways and she doubted the young girl would enjoy seeing them. In addition, the book also held a few sketches of the first days after Marie had been brought back into Polis.

With the way Marie found her most recent sketch of her upsetting, as the girl's grey eyes clearly conveyed, Clarke was sure that seeing herself back then would upset her even more.

"What don't you like about it?" Lexa inquired softly, pausing in her eating yet again. She kept close watch on the girl's facial expression and it confused her how intently Marie was staring down at the sketch in her hands. Lexa had seen it the evening before and she had found it well done and picturing the girl perfectly.

Marie grimaced and she tilted her head, her grey eyes staring down sadly at the harsh lines forming her features "I don't want to look like that…" she mumbled, a whine in her tone.

Clarke had drawn from her memory alone as she had watched one of the strained visits to the commander's quarters before Marie had regained her memories. The girl's features still portrayed the distrust and discomfort she had radiated the whole time. "It shows you before you regained your memories" she clarified in a kind tone.

Marie looked up, brows still creased "I know" she acknowledged. She pushed the book away from herself with a huff and emptied the cup in one go, grimacing at the bitter taste. She crossed her arms over her chest firmly and glared the book.

Lexa stood from her chair and crouched down in front of Marie, turning the girl to face her by her shoulders and waiting until the child's grey eyes connected with her. She was surprised to note angry tears glittering in them. She gently wiped them away, when the first fell from the girl's lashes down her cheeks.

"What upsets you so much about the sketch, little star?" Lexa asked in a soft but demanding tone. She had noticed some days ago that calling the girl by her nickname seemed to keep the child much calmer and there was no harm in using it more often in the privacy of her quarters.

Marie frowned at Lexa and her voice was tinted with displeasure "I don't look like that" she claimed agitated.

"Like what?" Lexa reworded her question. She could not try to ease the girl's worry if she did not understand it.

"So hard…" Marie exclaimed with another huff.

Lexa sighed under her breath. She could fathom now what Marie meant, but she would not be lying to the girl. Her face had changed considerably and the softness had all but been erased from it by Nia. It surprised her slightly that Marie had not yet realized that herself, or maybe she had but rather choose to push it from her mind.

"I am afraid, you indeed do" Lexa told her charge in a gentle tone, keeping hold of her shoulders before Marie could move away as denial flashed over her features. "What you have suffered through was bound to show in a physical change as well, Marie" the commander tried to reason with the girl softly "You have begun to change again already" she added and reached out towards the sketch book.

Clarke's brows furrowed and she opened her mouth to tell Lexa to put it down again. She doubted showing Marie how she had looked at her return would do any good, but Lexa was obviously convinced otherwise and silenced her with a quick shake of her head.

The commander determinedly leaved through the book, holding it in a way that Marie could not really look into it at the moment.

The girl frowned in confusion at Lexa and impatience flashed through her grey eyes.

Lexa squeezed her shoulder once and turned the book around when she had found one of the sketches she had been searching for. Clarke had done it on the same day as Marie's return and it showed the girl standing in the cell in the dungeons, glaring through the bars distrustfully, still dressed in the clothes of Ice Nation.

Marie sucked in a harsh breath when she inspected the sketch and her brows furrowed even more. It somehow shocked her to look at the picture of herself. She had rarely seen a reflection of herself while she had been with the queen and her looks had not been important in any way. The angry snarl etched into the features of her pictured self and the dangerous glint in her eyes, did not sit right with her. If she did not know that the picture showed herself, she would not have recognized the likelihood as well.

It worried Lexa deeply that the girl seemed to be shocked into speechlessness and she gently pried the book from her fingers, flipping the page back to Clarke's latest sketch and offering it once again to Marie.

"See, you have already changed a lot" Lexa tried to address Marie in a calm tone.

Marie's grey eyes flicked to the page again and after long moments she looked up again, nodding once and swallowing past the lump lodged into her throat.

"You are fiercer and stronger now and your looks reflect those changes" Lexa agreed "But you are not the innocent girl any longer that fell from the stars, Marie, but nonetheless any less beautiful". Her tone was honest and her green eyes intent.

Marie looked deeply into Lexa's eyes for a moment, obviously searching for any hint of dishonesty and the girl flung her arms around Lexa's neck shortly after, enveloping the commander strongly.

Clarke shook her head slightly, wondering just how Lexa did those things. The commander seemed to instinctively know the just correct way to handle situations like this with Marie. She suppressed a snort at the thought of Lexa truly doubting her skills in raising Marie.

Chapter 200

Ontari woke the next morning with a slightly pained hiss. She had rolled over during her sleep and her whole weight had rested on her injured shoulder, the whole limb tingled uncomfortably and currents of pain shot threw the arm as she slowly sat up.

When she looked over at Marie's bed, it did not come as a real surprise that the bed was empty. She had still been awake when Marie had joined Anya in hers after all. But Anya's bed was empty as well. Ontari frowned, wondering where the general could be and why she had not woken up before. The sun seemed to have risen some time ago already and it did not seem like the general to let her sleep in.

Sounds of sloshing water came from the bathroom a moment later, so Ontari assumed that Anya and Marie were inside of the small room.

With another hiss, Ontari tried to roll her injured shoulder slightly, but found that she was unable to move it much. She had clearly underestimated the severity of the injury and she hoped that the general would hold true to her word and let her rest from physical training for at least a few days. She was positive that she could fight and train with the other arm, if she was forced to. But she was also sure that doing so would be highly painful and although her tolerance for pain was very high, she would prefer to rest of course.

Ontari remained sitting on the bed, waiting patiently for the general or Marie to step out of the bathroom. After her experience from the previous evening, she was aware that she would require some assistance in changing her clothing. She had no intentions of ripping open the stitches and having to have them done a third time, if she could help it.

In her mind, Ontari suddenly compared the care the general was bestowing upon her now and how Nia and the members of the royal guard in Azgeda had treated her. The differences could not have been much greater. Although she would not say that the general was treating her in any way like she was treating Marie, she was still a whole world more caring towards her than she had ever experienced ever before.

"Good, you are up" Anya's voice pulled Ontari from her thoughts.

The general had heard what she assumed to be a pained groan and had hurried along in the bathroom. She had no idea how the nightblood had slept through the maids bringing in water for a bath. Her hair was still dripping with water and she had only slung a towel around her body, wanting to check first that the girl was alright.

Ontari blinked once at the woman, surprised to see her in such a state of undress. She had never seen Nia like this, she had always been called into her quarters after the woman had already dressed or was directly asked into her throne room.

"Do you wish to bath?" Anya asked, ignoring the girl's missing reaction to her appearance. She did not think it necessary to only see Ontari while she was in the station of the general. They would undoubtedly be spending a lot of time with each other and showing herself like that, vulnerable and natural, was a way of showing her trust to the nightblood girl. She was sure that Ontari would realize it as such sooner or later as well.

A conflict seemed to wash over Ontari's features. On the one hand the girl would have truly enjoyed the opportunity to take a warm bath and truly wash off the results of their trek from her skin, but on the other hand she was well aware that she would definitely require assistance in undressing completely and dressing again, possibly even in bathing itself.

Anya sighed under her breath. She had become better at reading the little cues Ontari still gave away in her expression, making it easy to spot her inner conflict. She could understand the girl's hesitancy to agree to a bath if she needed help in actually taking it. But she would not have asked, if she had not meant the offer seriously. "It is your decision, if you want to take a bath or not" Anya said into the silence that had settled between them, only interrupted by the occasional drop of water dripping from her hair onto the stone floor beneath her feet.

Ontari's lips thinned for a moment, before she inclined her head, taking a deep breath. The general had already seen her naked before, inspecting her body for injuries after training, but somehow this felt entirely different now.

Anya choose not say anything and simply turned around, going back into the bathroom and leaving the door open behind herself for Ontari to follow her. The general quickly dried off her hair at least a little, annoyed by the water still dripping from them.

Ontari shuffled her feet in place awkwardly, waiting for the woman to help her undress, second-guessing her decision to take her up on the offer at all. She did not necessarily need a bath today, she could do without one for the next few days until she could move more comfortably for sure.

Anya did not give the nightblood a chance to back off now and mutely motioned her to turn around, helping her to take off the shirt first. With careful fingers Anya removed the bandage around the wounded area as well, inspecting the wound for any sign of swelling as she did so. She was satisfied to find no traces of any seepage, so she doubted that the wound was festering with an infection at the moment. She hesitated only for a little moment before she reached out and undid the girl's breast band as well.

"The wound looks dry and not infected" Anya relayed to Ontari, already bending down slightly and sliding the girl's trouser and underwear down her legs in one go.

She offered a hand to the girl's uninjured arm for balance, when Ontari quickly stepped over to the tub and climbed over the high ledge.

Anya noted that a few large bruises were additionally scattered over the girl's body, so the injury to her shoulder had not been the only hit she had taken in the fight against the bandits.

Ontari sank into the warm water with a barely concealed sigh of contentment, the water was still warm and she felt her muscles relax immediately.

A slight smirk tugged at Anya's lips as she turned from the tub "Do not lean back, the wound should remain dry" she ordered and after checking that Ontari was heeding her order, she dried the rest of her body off and shortly returned into the main room to dress again.

Ontari did not understand why she felt slightly more comfortable with the general when the woman returned, dressed in her customary light armour, only her hair still damp and undone.

"Lean back, but don't get in any deeper" Anya ordered and took up a bar of soap, intent to wash the girl's dark hair. She shook her head slightly; the position would not do to keep the wound dry. She pushed at the girl's shoulder mutely and waited until Ontari was leaning forward and started with wetting her hair, careful not to let too much water run down the girl's back in the process.

Ontari let herself be handled by Anya in silence. She knew that the general could have made this whole situation much more awkward and painful as well. She was grateful that the woman kept silent, so she did not have to think of anything to say either.

Ontari was not truly surprised by the way Anya efficiently and quickly helped her to bath, she was still grateful that the woman's touches were careful and the woman seemed to keep close watch of her back, not willing to wet the wounded area.

Ontari had been able to wash most of her body herself without assistance and after Anya had finished with her hair, she helped the nightblood back out of the bathing tub.

Mutely the general proceeded in drying off Ontari's hair and body, careful not to touch the fresh suture on her shoulder at all. She left the bathroom with quick strides, collecting fresh clothes for the girl and helped her dress afterwards.

Ontari breathed a sigh of relieve after the Trikru woman had wound the breast band around her chest and told her to wait, calling for a healer to apply a new bandage on her shoulder. She watched the woman leave the rooms with a slight frown, if the general had intended to call for a healer all along, she was sure that the healer could have offered the very same assistance as well. Internally, Ontari was grateful Anya had chosen to help her herself instead of delegating the task.

Ontari looked up at the sound of footsteps and was surprised to be faced with Wanheda herself. In the background Ontari could hear Marie's voice telling something to the general.

"Turn around" Clarke ordered in a calm tone, slight amusement dancing through her blue eyes at the dumbfounded look in Ontari's eyes. She gently inspected the wound, exerting slight pressure on the surrounding tissue to test for swelling. "No signs of an infection" Clarke assessed and applied a poultice to aid with the healing, before bandaging the area again.

Anya had handed a shirt to her and Clarke mutely held it up for Ontari, helping her manoeuvre her injured arm into the sleeve before she busied herself with constructing another sling and efficiently binding her injured arm to the girl's upper body. "All done" she proclaimed with a slight smile, as she stored her equipment again.

Ontari inclined her head and returned to the main room. Clarke watched the girl leave with a slight huff, although she was well aware that voicing their gratitude was highly uncommon for grounders, she still had not grown accustomed to this lack of obvious gratitude.

Although Marie smiled kindly at Ontari in greeting, the nightblood immediately spotted how the other girl's eyes looked red-rimmed and puffy, as if she had been crying not too long ago. She had a plate in front of her containing the rest of her breakfast and it looked as if the girl had interrupted her breakfast with the commander to come over.

"So, the rest of the conclave has not been located yet?" Ontari heard Anya ask Marie, as she stepped into the room.

"No" Marie shook her head, a slight frown on her features "Lexa left to organize more troops to look for them" she added after a moment.

Anya inclined her head and sat down opposite of the girl, beginning her own breakfast as well.

"I will go and join the healers" Clarke said as a farewell and left.

Marie pushed the food around on her plate, appetite not really existent. She could not stop thinking about Clarke's sketches and although she did believe Lexa's words, her mind would not quite down.

"Anya?" she called for the woman's attention, expression troubled and still trying to sort through her thoughts.

Anya looked up at the girl expectantly "What?" she asked when the girl did not say anything more.

"Do you think I changed for the worse?" Marie wanted to know, grey eyes stormy.

Ontari frowned at the out of the blue question. But Anya did seem to understand what Marie was referring to.

Anya's expression turned grave and she felt a painful tug at her heart at the child's question. "You have not" she assured the girl in simply words, but with a decisive tone.

Marie nodded, but it was obvious that she was not finished with the matter at all, she still looked troubled.

"What has brought this about?" Anya asked, wondering if Lexa might have implied something which had upset Marie like this. But the commander was usually very considerate in her wording, so she highly doubted it.

Marie sighed once, huffing out a frustrated puff of air, clearly irritated with herself, before she enumerated what had happened in the morning.

Anya listened patiently to the girl's words although she found it hard to fathom what had been this upsetting to Marie in the situation. She was still thinking of what to say, when surprisingly Ontari beat her to it.

"Marie, it does not matter what you look like" Ontari assured the girl strongly. She could understand to a certain degree why acknowledging her apparent changes might be upsetting for the younger girl. She herself had been shell shocked as she had seen Marie for the first time in Nia's fortress. Not much had been left of the child she had come to form a friendship with in Polis.

Marie frowned, but begrudgingly inclined her head in agreement. She knew theoretically that it did not matter at all what she looked like. But in her mind the changes were purely associated with the queen and she had not had any say in them. She had already forcefully removed the queen's kill marks from her body, so she could not think of anything else that she could change to distinct herself from who the queen had forced her to become. She could not forget Kato's distrust, neither the reaction of the warriors from the Plain Rider caravan.

She remembered that Lexa and Anya were still carrying her braids with them, but that did not feel right to her either. "Can we burn my braids?" she asked, changing the subject slightly "Together with the sketches Clarke made?" she added after a beat of silence.

Anya had already nodded to the first part of the child's question, but she paused at the last part. "Surely you do not mean all of them?" she checked with a creased brow. In all honesty, she would be against burning all of them. Clarke had really done a great job at picturing a few scenes before Marie had been brought to Nia.

Marie shook her head "No, but the ones after my return" she explained vehemently.

Anya's expression turned cautious, she could guess that this was still more about Marie having a problem with how she looked like now, than the actual sketches. She could agree on destroying the ones Clarke did of the first days since the girl's return, but those as well had some value to them.

She stood from her chair and crouched down in front of the child. Marie usually did better with physical contact when she was upset. She put her hands on the girl's shoulders and waited until she looked at her "Marie, there is nothing wrong with your looks. Your features have turned sharper, but they will certainly change again with time, just like you will" Anya tried to appease the girl.

Marie nodded, her lower lip already trembling suspiciously, as if she was on the verge of breaking out in tears again.

Anya simply pulled the girl into her arms, enveloping her strongly. With the way Marie clung to her, it was obvious that the girl did not intent to let go any time soon, so Anya pulled herself up and sat down, pulling Marie to sit in her lap.

Ontari watched the scene with a frown. She could not truly understand why Marie seemed to depend so much on close physical contact. The concept was still alien to her and she could not help but wonder how different she could be, if she had not been brought to Nia at such an early age. She continued with her breakfast in silence.

Anya mutely held the girl in her arms, while finishing her own breakfast. She doubted there would be any use in trying to urge Marie to eat some more. She granted the child a few moments of silence and letting her draw calmness from her embrace.

Marie willingly let go of Anya and stood back up, when the general gave her a light nudge after she had finished with her breakfast. Marie felt considerably calmer now and she was grateful that Anya had simply let her be.

"Are we going to train now?" Marie asked in an eager tone, no signs left in her features that she had been upset earlier at all.

Anya raised a brow at the girl's obvious change of mood, still not accustomed to her sudden mood swings. She inclined her head in mute agreement she had not worked with her unit for several days now.

Ontari frowned, she had been sure that the general would keep her word and not have her train for a few days at least. Why would the woman go through all of the trouble and assist her in bathing and keeping the arm still, if she now was planning to let her train?

Anya ignored the nightblood's visible displeasure and she rolled her eyes at the girl's pride, keeping her from asking for help to dress into a warmer cloak. She did stop the stubborn girl from trying to get on her armour though, telling her to leave it there.

Ontari's frown deepened, but she still kept her mouth shut, following the general mutely and visibly confused. She tried keeping the cloak around her frame with her uninjured arm awkwardly.

Anya rolled her eyes at the nightblood's antics, but she had to stop Marie from looking for her own armour as well.

"You have both been told not to train for a few days" she chided both girls equally. While Ontari seemed visibly relieved, Marie scowled.

"I am fine" the girl claimed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You will not train until Clarke deems you healthy enough" Anya retorted, glaring down lightly at the child and motioning both towards the elevator.

Marie's scowl deepened "I can go and ask her" she said petulantly.

"Certainly not" Anya retorted, outwardly wearing a calm expression, but her patience was waning quickly. The child needed to learn not to argue so much with them as soon as possible. It was good that Marie obviously felt more comfortable again, but she needed to mind her tongue in public.

"I feel fine" Marie repeated, grey eyes glittering angrily "So, why not?" her voice rose.

"Marie" Anya's tone got hard and her brown eyes carried a warning.

Ontari shook her head slightly, wondering why Marie choose to test the general now.

"Fine…" Marie huffed, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at the wall of the elevator.

Anya sighed out a deep huff of air, still glaring at Marie and tapping her foot impatiently until the girl looked in her direction again.

The moment Marie realized that she had overstepped, was easy to identify. The girl's posture changed immediately and the anger drained from her face, leaving behind an even slightly fearful expression, biting at her lips nervously.

Anya sighed again and kept her tone calm "You are both going to watch and you are both going to learn something from it" she directed at both of them equally.

Marie was quick to nod eagerly, while Ontari only inclined her head once in silent acknowledgment.