CHAPTER 27
Everyone – mainly Quinn – said she wouldn't last a day, but here she is a whole week later still going strong! Well technically, she's starting to slowly lose her mind but with all things considered, she thinks lasting this long without spontaneously booking a flight to San Francisco is actually pretty good! She has done well by keeping her mind busy and revisiting some old hobbies.
Surprisingly, one of those hobbies involves the old piano she inherited from her Abuelo that's been left untouched for months now. She kept it and the record player he left to her here at Maribel's until she was ready to settle down somewhere permanent and move them properly but she hasn't felt like settling down anywhere yet. It felt weird to do it alone, but things are changing now that she has found Brittany again.
It's a surprise she even remembers how to play the thing, but there's something about it that makes her feel a little closer to her Abuelo. Maybe it's the holiday season and Brittany's absence and the loneliness settling in, but Santana finds herself reminiscing a lot lately.
As a little girl, she use to sit on this very bench next to her Abuelo and watch him play. Always so captivated by him and the way his fingers danced along the keys so effortlessly, Santana would watch with a child-like curiosity and try to mimic his movements. He would smile proudly and encourage her to sing along, even when she didn't know how to control her voice just yet.
They were quite the pair and sometimes Santana thinks that maybe she got her musical genes from him too. He cultivated her passion for music without even trying. When he introduced her to the glorious sounds of Fleetwood Mac, it was like an awakening. She loved her Abuelo dearly; he would always be first in line to congratulate her after a performance, a giant bouquet of flowers in hand and a proud smile on his face.
Santana finds herself wishing her Abuela could look at her like that again before she shoves the thought away. She doesn't want to think about her, about someone so quick to judge. Her Abuelo only met Brittany in passing once the night Santana performed Valerie, but Santana's convinced he would've loved her if there was more time to get to know her.
He would've loved that Santana was loved by Brittany too.
It's that thought that causes a tear to roll down her cheek. With everything that happened with her Abuela and her dad, Santana just wishes her Abuelo was still around. She just needs one other person from her family to be happy for her and what she has found in Brittany, because that's what family is supposed to do. They're supposed to love you and celebrate with you and when she marries Brittany one day, she doesn't want Maribel to sit alone at the Lopez table.
If her Abuelo was still around, he would make sure Maribel wasn't alone. Santana is certain of that.
She misses him and a part of her will always regret not visiting more before his health started to turn. She regrets not talking to him about her feelings for Brittany before –
Santana wipes away another tear and continues to play. She can almost hear his voice telling her how beautiful she sounds and that she should play for him more often.
She thinks now is the perfect time to do just that.
\\
It's a couple hours later and Santana has maxed out on watching reality tv. She has now ventured into the Hallmark movie territory which is nothing but straight people doing holiday things and all the sappy, cheesy love stories that have been set to Christmas music play on all of Santana's feelings.
Like if she wasn't a little emotional before, she is now. But like, don't tell anyone.
She just really misses Brittany, okay? They've done a pretty good job of keeping in touch through phone calls and texts and the occasional video chat, but Santana has been trying to limit how often they talk. She doesn't want to intrude on the time Brittany is meant to be spending with her family, but it gets hard sometimes. Especially when she keeps subjecting herself to watching hetero couples fall in love over and over again.
Honestly, it's so cringe-worthy but she can't take her eyes off of the screen. Though, she's certain of one thing: her and Brittany's love story is so much better than the crap Hallmark churns out!
Santana's already camped out on the couch with a cozy blanket and she's having an entire carton of coffee ice cream for lunch while she watches re-runs of Chopped: The Holiday Edition. She's really into it to be honest – it's way better than A Christmas Prince – and even starts shouting at the tv when a chef forgets to include a basket ingredient.
"See? Didn't I say?" Santana shakes her head after another spoonful of ice cream. She listens as Alex Guarnaschelli points out a contestant's technical error then starts to nod along with her, "Exactly, Alex, I completely agree with you. Marcus is such a dumbass for that."
Another ten minutes go by and it's time for tasting. Santana eagerly awaits the judge's criticism, it's her favorite part of the whole show. Sometimes she thinks she could do this one day for a living – she wasn't gifted with impeccable wit for nothing – but she's sure she'd probably get fired pretty quickly for making a contestant cry.
Aarón Sánchez starts to complain about lack of spice and Santana shakes her head disappointedly, "You should've used the gingerbread in the stuffing like I told you. Maybe it would've helped out your bland ass dish! Pathetic. Where did you even go to culinary school?"
"Like you even cook," Quinn smirks which causes Santana to nearly jump out of her blanket burrito.
"What the fuck, Q? How'd you get in here?" Santana gasps at the sight of Quinn dressed in her soft grey peacoat standing near the front door.
"The door was wide open?" Quinn quirked her brow as she untied her scarf, "I literally said 'Hey Santana!' did you really not hear me?"
Santana tried to backtrack but ended up shaking her head, "Does it look like I heard you? Jesus…can't just roll up on a girl during a Chopped marathon. Have you no respect?"
"A what marathon?" Quinn glances at the tv then to Santana's set up on the couch and frowns, "Uh…when's the last time you've left the house?"
Santana ponders, "How long has it been since Britt's left?"
"Oh my God..." Quinn laughs, "Seriously?"
Santana rolls her eyes, "No. I went out to get this ice cream."
Quinn shakes her head as she rounds the couch to swipe the remote off the coffee table and turns off the tv.
"Excuse me, I was watching that!" Santana huffs, "I needz to know if Cecile makes it to the next round, she's the underdog!"
"Get up, we're going out." Quinn says with no room for argument, but Santana tries anyway.
"I don't feel like going out, hence the pjs and ice cream."
"Right," Quinn smirks, "And this is why Brittany wanted me to check up on you."
Santana rounds on her, "She did not."
"She totally did," Quinn assures her, "So go get dressed, we're going out. I know just what you need."
Santana snorted, "I highly doubt that."
Quinn rolled her eyes and ripped the blankets from Santana, "Move it, Lopez. I don't have all day."
Santana let out a heavy sigh and thrust her carton of ice cream into Quinn's hands before stomping up the stairs to her room. Through the echo of the staircase, Santana yelled out, "You suck!"
"Drama Queen!" Quinn smirked then she stole a spoonful of ice cream.
\\
"I'm…oddly impressed," Santana comments as she and Quinn sit on a bench in front of Old Navy with their lattes in hand. They had been people-watching for awhile now, alternating with what shops they wanted to observe.
It was Christmas Eve in Lima and people were stressed the fuck out.
It was great.
"Yeah, I thought you'd like this," Quinn says before taking a sip, "You love watching people suffer."
"In theory," Santana grins. They had seen about three instances now where a fight nearly broke out over something ridiculous like a scarf or the last cable knit sweater that was on sale. Santana was loving every minute of it but she didn't want the compliment to boost Quinn's ego.
"Uh-oh, check that one out," Quinn nods over to another argument breaking out.
"This is awesome," Santana smirks, "I wouldn't fight over anything Old Navy has to offer, but if it were like Gucci or Prada then I could understand. I'd cut a bitch for some Burberry."
"Of course you would," Quinn chuckles and they knock their coffee cups together in one swift motion. They sit there captivated by all the action for a moment longer before Quinn turns to Santana, "So how are you holding up while Britt's away?"
Santana's smile falters slightly before she shrugs, "It's hard and it brings back some shitty memories of when we did long distance once, but I'm okay. We're okay. We talk often so it's fine."
"That's good. She'll be back soon enough."
"Yeah, it's only temporary," Santana agrees, "I don't want to make it about me. I know she has missed being near her family so I'm just keeping busy."
Quinn just nods and they go back to watching the drama unfold before them.
It totally beats sitting on the couch and watching it through a tv screen, that's for sure! And although Brittany can't be here for this, Quinn isn't so bad to be around. In fact, it's kind of nice to hang out with her. Maribel's been so busy with work lately, Santana's had to spend a lot of time alone and we've seen what happens when she's left alone with her thoughts for too long.
\\
"Oh look who it is!" Quinn jabs her pointy elbow into Santana's bicep.
"Ow! Watch where you shove that thing," Santana grumbles and looks to the direction of where Quinn's pointing. Her eyes widen at a familiar face and watch as the blonde makes his way over to the pretzel stand. Santana almost forgot how much of a small town Lima was and how it's almost impossible to go out anywhere without running into someone you know.
"Is this weird? Do you want to leave?" Quinn asks when Santana doesn't say anything more.
She shakes her head, "No, it's okay. He's Britt's best friend."
Just as she said that, another familiar face joins his side and her jaw drops.
"Is that," Quinn gasps and she's on her feet before she's finished her sentence.
Santana scrambles after, also happily surprised by the other Glee Club alumni.
"Mercedes!" Quinn squeals and it makes her and Sam jump at the sound, but soon their faces fill with delight as they see who it is.
"Quinn! Hey girl!" Mercedes beams and pulls her into a tight hug, "Is that Satan with you too?"
Santana smirks, "Hey 'Cedes." And then she's pulled into a bone-crushing hug along with Quinn. It's nice, she secretly kind of likes hugs like these.
"Hey guys," Sam chuckles as he holds a pretzel in each hand, "I'd get in on that group hug too but…pretzels."
For some reason that makes Santana laugh and she's reminded of a time before everything happened where she actually didn't mind Sam too much. Afterall, they sort of dated once but it was purely to hide the fact that she was brokenhearted. He was a dork and a nerd but he was alright in her book for the most part. She also remembers the time he and Quinn dated and it makes her smirk, to think she was the reason they broke up in the first place. Yikes!
They're all just funny memories now though.
"Hey Sam," Santana greets as Mercedes finally pulls away.
"Sorry! Hi Sam," Quinn waves too before looking to them both, "What are you guys doing here? Last minute shopping?"
"Yeah," Mercedes' rolls her eyes, "Someone didn't get his own mother a gift yet so we've had to brave the crowds which is exactly how I want to spend my Christmas Eve."
"Hey," Sam frowned, "How am I supposed to figure out what to get a woman that deserves everything? It's hard."
"Trouty has a point," Santana nods and thinks about her own gift for her mother. It's not nearly enough for what she actually deserves but she hopes she'll like it anyway.
"I'm just messing with you," Mercedes teases and presses a kiss to his cheek which makes Santana and Quinn's brows rise.
They didn't know they were a thing still, it kind of makes Santana swell with pride. She always liked those two together and genuinely hoped that they'd work it out at some point. Mercedes was her Troubletones home girl and Santana remembered how she use to light up around him.
She'd never admit it aloud, but it was kind of cute or whatever.
"Is Brittany with you somewhere too?" Mercedes asks Santana while Quinn talks to Sam about some jewelry store sale that he might find luck in.
"No, she's visiting her family in San Francisco for the holidays this year," Santana tells her with a shrug.
Mercedes looks surprised, "And you didn't go with? I'm shocked."
Santana chuckles at that and wonders if Mercedes thinks she and Brittany have been together all this time. She can't remember the last time she even spoke to Mercedes, maybe the last time she was back in Lima for Thanksgiving? She isn't sure, maybe Sam told her something. Either way, she likes the fact that Mercedes still thinks they're joined at the hip.
"Couldn't leave my mom alone for Christmas," Santana replies and quickly changes the subject, "How about you? Have you been living here this whole time or are you just visiting?"
Mercedes sends her a look of disbelief, "Girl no, I'm only here visiting my family and my man. L.A. is my home now. I've been trying to get Sam to move out there with me for awhile but it really is a different pace out there."
"That's awesome," Santana says and she's genuinely happy for her, "You know, Nationals are in L.A. this year. Might see you around!"
"Nationals? You take over the Glee Club?" Mercedes asks.
"No way, Mr. Schue is still all over that," Santana laughs, "Britt, Quinn and I coach the Cheerios now. It's a long story."
"Ah, that's right," Mercedes nods, "Sam did mention something about it. I couldn't make it to Sue's funeral. How are you liking it? The coaching thing? Make anyone cry yet?"
"Maybe," Santana smirks devilishly, "You know me."
"Unfortunately I do," Mercedes chuckles, "Well, when you guys make it to L.A. let me know! I'll show you around or something."
"Deal!" Santana grins before Quinn's interjecting about scheduling a day to catch up before Mercedes heads home. Of all the people that Santana could possibly run into at the Lima Mall, she's happy that it was Mercedes and Sam. Well, mostly Mercedes.
"So Trouty, hitting up a jewelry store for your mom?" Santana asks once Quinn and Mercedes get to talking about some church service they want to attend together. Sam looks a little surprised that Santana's making small talk with him, but he just wipes away the pretzel salt with the back of his hand.
"Yeah, Quinn was telling me about it. I hadn't even thought about jewelry," Sam answers, "How about you? Got all your shopping done already?"
Santana nods, "My list of people I needed to shop for was pretty short. Just needed to get things for my mom, Q and Britt."
"Awh, you got me a present?" Quinn teases and reaches around Mercedes to poke at Santana's shoulder.
"Yeah so you better have gotten me one too," Santana quips making Sam and Mercedes chuckle.
"Well, we better get going. Don't want be here when all hell breaks loose," Mercedes says and hooks her arm with Sam's.
They all exchange hugs again and bid each other a Merry Christmas. Santana even hugs Sam in the end which she's sure would make Brittany so proud if she was around to see it. She's just chalking it up to the Christmas Spirit though.
"I can't believe they're still together!" Quinn gasps once they're far enough from the couple, "I wonder if Britt has known this whole time and just didn't tell us?"
"Look, probably…she's sneaky like that," Santana replies, a small smile creeping up at the mention of her name, "She'd probably say well you guys didn't ask so…"
"Ugh, she so would!" Quinn groans playfully.
\\
They spend another hour or so people-watching before Quinn drops Santana home again and tells her she'll be checking up on her in a few days.
"Yeah okay, whatever," Santana brushes her off but then they both go in for a hug, "Merry Christmas, Q."
"Merry Christmas, Santana," Quinn says with a pat on her back before Santana heads inside.
She's surprised to see Maribel home relatively early and calls out to her, "Hey Mami!"
"Hi mija!" Maribel greets and her voice is coming from the kitchen. Santana follows after it and finds a collection of various Chinese takeout boxes.
Santana is in awe, "Woah, did you order everything on the menu?"
"We have to keep our tradition alive, right?" Maribel laughs.
"Oh yeah!" Santana beams and they both dive in and pile their plates high before wandering into the living room to watch Love, Actually. It's something that they usually do when Maribel visits Santana in New York, but she's glad that the tradition has carried over to Lima too. It's something that's just for them and Santana sits contently through the movie with her mom at her side.
\\
Maribel had said goodnight awhile ago, but Santana decided to finish the movie in the living room while she awaited Brittany's nightly phone call. She doesn't realize she has fallen asleep on the couch until she feels something vibrating at her side. When she blinks her tired eyes open, she finds the fleece throw draped over her and the tv turned low. The Christmas tree lights cast a warm glow around the room and she feels so comfy cozy that Santana almost forgets why she woke up in the first place.
She reaches for her phone tucked under her hip and quickly swipes the screen before the call goes to voicemail.
"Hey Britt," Santana chuckles with her voice a little raspy from just waking up.
"Hi Santana," Brittany's cheery voice greets down the line. There's a soft gasp, "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"
Santana stretches and cranes her neck back to rest against the decorative pillow, "No, I was just resting my eyes."
"Are you sure? I can call back in the morning?"
Santana smiles softly, "Talk to me. How was your day?"
"Well, my day…it was so much fun. I got to hang out with my cousins – who aren't as mean as when we were younger – and we helped my grandma bake cookies for tomorrow," Brittany tells her excitedly, "Did you see the pictures I sent?"
Santana smiles and remembers Brittany's text she received while she was out with Quinn. It was a picture of a very colorful pair of gingerbread women that she was holding up proudly by either side of her head, a great big smile rounding out the adorableness.
"Yeah I saw it," Santana tells her, "It was very cute. Sounds like you're having a great time over there."
"Yeah, but it's not all that great since you're not here too," Brittany answers without missing a beat, "How about your day? Did…you have any visitors?"
"Ah so you did enlist Quinn to kidnap me," Santana smirks.
"What? No. Wait, did she kidnap you because that's not what I asked her to do?"
Santana laughs at that, "No she didn't, but she did interrupt my Chopped marathon. I never did find out who won the dessert round…" She could hear Brittany snort as she continues, "But it wasn't so bad hanging out with her. We actually ran into Sam and Mercedes at the mall."
"No way! I thought Mercedes was only going to be in Lima for New Years?"
"Well I didn't know she was going to be in Lima at all," Santana jokes, "Have you known they've been dating this whole time?"
"I wouldn't say whole time…they're on and off. You know how tough long distance is, but they always end up back together."
Santana ponders her words, "Huh, sounds familiar. Can't believe you've been holding out on me all this time."
Brittany chuckles, "Honestly I didn't think you'd care, but I don't want to talk about them. What are you doing right now?"
Santana notices a shift in Brittany's tone – something mischievous – and it makes Santana sit up a little straighter, "Uhh…I'm just lying on the couch watching tv."
"Right…" Brittany drawls out and suddenly Santana's intrigued to see where this goes because she might have an idea, "Same couch we made out on on Thanksgiving?"
Santana's suspicions are confirmed when she hears that, "We've made out many times on this couch, Britt, not just Thanksgiving."
"Mmm, and we've done a lot more than make out there too."
Santana feels a flush cover her cheeks at the memory but she presses further, "You should see what I've got on right now too."
She thinks she can hear Brittany audibly gulp which is hilarious because in reality, she's just dressed in leggings and Brittany's sweater from Homecoming. It's nothing too risqué, but who is she if she doesn't play along and paint Britt a lovely picture?
Brittany's voice is husky when she says, "Tell me."
"I don't know, Britt, Santa's coming to town any minute now," Santana teases, loving how easy it is for them to turn their conversations flirtatious, "Wouldn't want to get a free show and risk missing out on my presents. I've been a very good girl this year."
"Fuck a present, I can give you something better."
Santana has to bite her lip to keep from snorting at the sound of Brittany cursing. It's rare but when it happens, it's the greatest thing ever because Britt kind of has a potty mouth during certain situations.
It's kind of hot actually.
"Hmm…I'll hold you to that, Britt-Britt," Santana says just as the grandfather clock chimes from the other room, signaling midnight. At least, for Santana it is. Brittany still has a few more hours to go with the time difference.
"It's officially Christmas!" Brittany cheers excitedly – the huskiness completely gone – and she's so loud about it that it nearly deafens Santana. The lusty tone has been replaced with a child-like delight as a familiar ringtone replaces static.
When Santana looks down at her phone, she sees Brittany requesting a video call. She swipes at it and soon her screen is filled with a rosy-cheeked Brittany wearing an elf hat.
"Merry Christmas!" Brittany sings accompanied with this cute shoulder shimmy that would put Kurt Hummel to shame. She's all kinds of adorable and Santana really can't help but feel smitten.
"Merry Christmas!" Santana replies breathlessly and watches as Brittany's eyes scan her up and down. She tilts her head at the way Brittany is not-so-subtly checking her out and asks, "Uhm, can I help you?"
"You're wearing my sweater again," Brittany points out through a smirk, "Not as risky as what I was imagining you wearing, but I'm not mad at it. You're cute."
"Do I even want to know what you were imagining?" Santana asks and watches Brittany wiggle her brows.
"Let's just say it didn't involve a sweater…or any clothing for that matter."
"You're a horny mess," Santana giggles.
"Can you blame me?" Brittany jokes, "My girlfriend is hot and all I want for Christmas is to put my – "
"Hey, don't start something you can't finish," Santana cuts in and suddenly her eyes feel heavy again.
"You're right. You look tired," Brittany comments through a soft smile, "You should head up to bed."
"I will, just wanted to talk to you for a bit more before I did. I've missed you today," Santana says shyly as she picks at the fabric of the blanket across her lap, "Well, I've missed you everyday but a little more so today."
"Awh, look at you," Brittany coos and Santana's cheeks instantly flush.
"I've been playing the piano again," Santana tells her then suddenly she feels a kind of sadness, "It reminds me of things and makes me miss people."
She knows she's being really vague but she also knows Brittany gets it.
"Oh honey," Brittany says tenderly and there's this apologetic smile on her face, "I'll be home before you know it, only one more week left now. Maybe you can play something for me?"
Santana melts at the sound of home and wonders if Brittany considers that to be Lima or her or both. It's a silly thought because she thinks she knows the answer to that already. It's just nice to hear her say it out loud and it makes Santana rethink who or where she considers home too.
"Maybe I will," Santana beams but just as she was about to continue, a yawn escapes her.
"San, go to bed…" Brittany says and she's giving her this cross between a smile and a pout so of course Santana has to listen.
She rubs at her eye and nods, "Yeah okay, I'm going. You think…we can stay on the phone tonight?"
There's something familiar about the request and it seems like they both pick up on it because Brittany nods and soon she's up too. A moment later and they're both doing their nightly routine together.
It's something they use to do when they were doing long distance just to make them feel a little closer together although it was never as good as the real thing. Back then, Santana hated that feeling but now she doesn't mind it so much. She knows it's only temporary and soon Brittany will be here in person trying to leave toothpaste-coated kisses on her cheek again.
A moment later, Santana is tucked away in bed with her phone propped up next to her. She watches Brittany through half-lidded eyes as she tells her more about the day she has had with her family. There's this warmth or softness or something that surrounds Santana while she listens to Brittany gush over her cousin's two year old daughter. Santana's really biting her cheek, hoping nothing slips out like it did with Maribel but imagining Brittany with this toddler does something to Santana's fluttery insides.
She's blaming the lack of sleep for this one.
"You should've seen it, San. She was so cute! Sprinkles were going everywhere," Brittany giggles, "Then I had to clean up after her which was a little less exciting, but I didn't mind. It was her first time decorating cookies, it was bound to get messy."
"Sounds like fun," Santana replies. She's shocked that she's managed to say just that although her head fills with images of what their family would look like a little ways down the line. She imagines a little blonde with Santana's complexion and Brittany's smile toddling around their living room. She imagines coming home from work to that same little blonde head curled up at Brittany's side as they nap on the couch. She imagines the first words and first steps and she realizes something: she can't wait to have a family with Brittany.
She also realizes that she's about to be caught in her daydreaming.
"What are you smiling about over there?" Brittany asks, her smile matching Santana's
Santana feels like a deer caught in the headlights, but she manages recover before her truth comes tumbling out on her again. Letting her thoughts on marriage slip out is one thing, but talking about a family? Way too soon, Lopez!
"Just thinking about how cute you would've looked decorating cookies," Santana says, "There's this face you pull when you're concentrating really hard…just adorable."
Brittany rolls her eyes as she smiles bashfully, "I don't know how anyone thinks you're so big and bad when you're actually the gushiest and mushiest person I know."
"You take that back," Santana narrows her eyes playfully. She ends softening a moment later, "You bring it out of me, I can't help myself around you."
"I know," Brittany replies as she tucks her hand under her pillow, mirroring Santana's position, "It's my favorite thing."
Santana sighs and snuggles deep against her pillow as their conversation lulls. She's really feeling the heaviness in her eyelids now, but she finds herself trying to fight to stay awake. She just wants to be present and listen to any and every story Brittany has to tell, she doesn't want to miss anything.
"You wanna know something?" Brittany whispers a bit later and the sudden sound of her voice has Santana struggling to look up. She finds Brittany's eyes closed and if she didn't know any better, she would've assumed she had fallen asleep already.
Santana's not sure she's coherent enough herself to form actual words, so she just hums out in response.
There's a long pause and Santana almost falls asleep while waiting when Brittany begins to mumble sleepily, "We're gonna make some cute babies."
Santana's eyes go wide at that.
Here she was, forcing herself to stay quiet in fear that she was going to scare Brittany off or something. She looks back to her and finds she's still lying there with her eyes closed which makes her wonder if that was the sleep talking or if it was Brittany? She doesn't know, but she finds comfort in at least being on the same page about something like this. She wants to laugh, but stifles it so she doesn't wake Brittany. It makes her heart swell and nearly burst free from her chest though, because if Brittany's thinking about what their family could look like then maybe Santana's on to something here.
She hadn't considered proposing anytime soon, but if Brittany keeps this up she doesn't know how long she'll actually last. If anything, she can at least be a little prepared. Right?
"One day, Britt-Britt." Santana says and it's the last thing she does before she falls into a deep sleep.
\\
Maybe it has something to do with the New Year just around the corner, but in the days leading up to Brittany's return, Santana does a lot of thinking.
She thinks about the conversation she had with Maribel the night before Brittany left for San Francisco. She thinks about her family, her Abuela and Abuelo, and the difference in the ways they showed their love for her. She thinks about her father and how easy it was for him to vanish from her life. She thinks about the people in her life at this very moment who love her unconditionally and have repeatedly come through for her, whether it has been all of her life or again in only the last year.
She thinks a lot about love and remembers a time long, long ago when she didn't think she was worthy of it. She was harsh and tore people down with her vicious words without a second thought so she didn't think anyone would ever break through that and attempt to understand the real Santana Lopez.
Then Brittany came into her life and everything started to change.
She was still harsh and tore people down with her vicious words, but with Brittany it was different. Brittany accepted all of the parts that Santana was made of and she never shied away, she only ever wanted Santana to be herself and embrace all of her awesome.
It makes her think about something her Abuelo once said to her a long time ago. She was only in middle school when she first experienced heartbreak, her boyfriend of three weeks had broken up with her for someone more popular and Santana was wrecked. Maybe not so much because a boy broke up with her, but more so because he didn't want her anymore. She felt replaceable and it sucked.
She had cried with her Abuelo during their weekly piano lesson and he said, "Santana, the easy part of life is finding someone to love. The hard part is finding someone to love you back." He reminded her of how she still had so much time and that she was better off without that stupid boy. Those words always stuck with her throughout her life.
Little did they both know, Santana would find her person just a couple years later.
She remembered standing in the hall in front of her locker, tears in her eyes, begging Brittany to love her back. She had been so sure this time, she had found her person, but things didn't come easy for them at first. She thought she had made a mistake again and gave her heart to the wrong one, but then something crazy happened…
"I do love you! Clearly you don't love you as much as I do or you'd put this shirt on and dance with me!"
Brittany was pissed – probably the most pissed she had ever seen – but it was in that moment that Santana realized something: Brittany just wanted Santana to love herself first. She could see straight through Santana's bullshit and even after that she wasn't afraid to call her out on it. Even more importantly, Brittany still loved her anyway.
A lot of their relationship had been full of moments like that, like sudden clarity where all the drama and hurt suddenly made sense because on the other side of that was this…happiness.
She wouldn't trade it for the world.
\\
It's New Year's Eve and Santana's desperately trying to ghost Quinn.
A couple days ago, Quinn got word of a New Year's Eve party being hosted at Breadstix and has been trying to convince Santana to go ever since.
"Come on, it'll be fun! Mercedes is going and she'll perform at midnight, you have to go." Quinn had urged but Santana wasn't budging. She didn't feel like celebrating when her person wasn't going to be there to celebrate with. She didn't have to say that for Quinn to pick up on it though, "You can't ring in the New Year alone, San. I know Maribel will be working."
"What? How do you know that?"
"Don't worry about it. Just come! There's a dress code and everything, since when do you turn down any excuse to paint on one of your hooker dresses?"
Santana rolled her eyes, "I have no one to impress so there's no point."
"I can't believe I'm saying this but, you can always take pictures and send them to Brittany."
"Please, as if a picture could capture all this hotness."
"Well it's all you can eat breadsticks – "
"It's always all you can eat breadsticks if you talk to the right person."
"Ugh, why are you like this? Can't you just go with me? I don't want to third-wheel with Mercedes and Sam…"
"You really aren't going to drop this, are you?"
"No. So you'll go?"
Santana stewed on the question for awhile until she ultimately gave up and agreed to go. It would be a little depressing being stuck home alone on New Year's Eve and she knew Brittany wouldn't want her to miss out on a chance to party with her friends.
\\
And it's that kind of thinking that has landed her in the current situation she's in, wedged between Quinn and Sam in a booth in Breadstix while they watch Mercedes sing. All in all, it's not the worst situation she's ever been in – she's totally being dramatic – but it does feel off to hang out with everyone without Brittany there.
"She's so good," Sam compliments as Mercedes belts out a high note. Santana looks to him from the corner of her eye and he's completely fixated on the woman on stage. There's this dopey smile on his face and love hearts beaming from his eyes and for the first time maybe ever, she knows exactly how Sam feels. To be so enamored by someone, so filled with love for them, that you can't help but to stare in awe.
"Amazing," Quinn adds breathlessly as the final note rings out.
The entire place stands as they applaud Mercedes. She bows graciously and waves, even blows a kiss to Sam before she makes her way down the steps and rejoins her friends at their booth. A jazzy cover band takes over while dinner is served.
"You killed it up there," Santana says as the salads come out.
"Thank you," Mercedes replies with a flip of her hair, "I'm glad you made it out tonight, would've missed the surprise."
"Surprise?" Santana wonders before she catches her usual waitress's eye. She sends her a look and soon an additional basket of breadsticks appear on the table. She slaps away Sam's hand as he goes for a stick and the girls all laugh.
"You'll see later," Quinn says, "I've been practicing my runs so I can keep up with this one."
"You're going up there?" Santana asks then glares at Mercedes, "And you didn't ask me?"
"It was a last minute thing," Mercedes explains, "And I was already talking to Quinn at the time."
"I'm deeply offended that I wasn't your first choice," Santana quips in between bites of her breadstick, "Could've brought back River Deep, Mountain High."
"Girl, you know this place couldn't handle all that.." Mercedes laughs.
\\
Dinner goes on without a hitch. It actually is kind of nice chatting with her old friends and she's glad she made it out of the house for this. She couldn't imagine spending the night at home getting wine drunk alone while watching the ball drop, if she even stayed up that late to catch it. She has an alarm set for midnight in Brittany's time zone just incase she did end up falling asleep early though.
"When's Britt back again?" Mercedes asks as the last course came around, "I hope I can catch her before I go back to L.A."
"Two more days," Santana replies and just uttering the words aloud make her heart race, "This has been the longest two weeks of my life."
"I'm sure," Mercedes chuckles.
"When are you heading back?" Santana asks.
"Thursday," Mercedes replies, "So I might be able to see her before I go. We'll see."
Santana nods and looks to Quinn who has been oddly quiet all of a sudden, "You're quiet. What are you plotting?"
Quinn cracks a smile, "Plotting? Can't a girl eat in peace?"
"I guess," Santana chuckles and they return to their meals while listening to the band.
\\
Sam's in the middle of telling a story about this guy he was working with at the gym he works at part-time when Santana checked her phone. She hadn't received a new text for a few hours now, not since she was modeling different outfits she had been considering to wear tonight for Brittany earlier. It was getting closer to midnight now – just thirty minutes away – but Santana was getting anxious. She kind of missed Brittany and just wanted to hear her voice.
"I'm gonna go call Britt," She whispers to Quinn.
Quinn nods and slides so that she could let Santana out of the booth.
Santana made her way to the bathroom, opting that it was warmer than outside and quieter than the lobby, and made the call.
At least, she tried to but the call went unanswered. Santana checked the time again and converted it to what it would be for Brittany and it started to make sense. This was usually game night time and the Pierces were probably deep in a very competitive game of Monopoly. Brittany was always pretty serious when it came to that particular game so Santana didn't think too much of it and instead sent her a selfie and a text.
Santana L. – Thinking about you xo
\\
Santana rejoins the gang just as Mercedes is getting up to perform again. She looks to Quinn who moves to sit back down and asks, "You're not going up too?"
"Not my time yet," Quinn shrugs and scoots in so that she's the one sitting in Mercedes spot next to Sam now.
Santana slides in too and goes for her wine glass as Mercedes greets the audience again. She's such a natural up there and Santana is actually really proud of how successful she has become and still manages to stay true to herself.
She thinks about her future career and what she wants but it's all so spotty. She loves to sing, but she doesn't know if she'd ever do it professionally. She has this business degree yet she's not putting it to use and before she randomly took over a co-coaching position, she was a singing waitress.
She's young but seeing Mercedes up there really gets her thinking about getting serious when it comes to her future. Afterall, it's not only affecting her, it'll affect Brittany too. She wants to make something of herself, maybe make a difference in people's lives, but she doesn't know where to start.
Those thoughts are cut short when suddenly Mercedes is speaking to the audience again, more specifically to her. Santana was kind of zoned out so she only catches Mercedes saying, "Let's end the year with this little throwback since I'm surrounded by such talented friends."
Before Santana knows it a familiar tune begins to play, the God Squad's version of Cherish/Cherish. Santana starts to laugh as Quinn and Sam pull out their hidden mics and sing to Santana as they accompany Mercedes on the number. They slowly emerge from the booth and join Mercedes on stage, leaving Santana behind in nothing but smiles.
She claps her hands and dances along to the beat from where she sits while memories of the first time they sung the song came to her.
She remembers it from her high school days and how Brittany lit up when their friends began to serenade them. Brittany had been so surprised that Santana would gift her something like that, something so public which she was still struggling with at the time. When it came to Brittany though, Santana endured a lot to make sure Brittany knew she was loved.
Santana felt so carefree that night, she barely even noticed any of the talks or looks. She doubted Sugar would've allowed anyone in if that were the case, but hearing the song being performed now is a little bittersweet without Brittany here to experience it.
\\
Santana goes to grab her phone in hopes that Brittany will answer this time just so she can hear this awesome performance. She's about to press call when someone stops before their table.
A familiar voice asks, "Is this seat taken?"
Santana snaps up to find Brittany – her Brittany – standing there before her with her long blonde hair cascading off her shoulders, blue eyes twinkling, and the smuggest grin on her face.
"Oh my God, Brittany!" Santana just about squeals as she scrambles out of the booth and launches herself into Brittany's arms, "You're home early!"
Brittany's angelic giggles fill her ears as she wraps Santana up in a tight hug, "Missed you too much so I caught an early flight home. Came straight here from the airport."
"What?"
Brittany shrugs casually, "I figured we've had such an awesome year, I didn't want to spend the last moments of it apart."
Santana stares back almost speechless and instead leans in for a much-needed kiss. It's like her body has been on pause ever since the last one they shared at the airport and when their lips touch it's like she's finally herself again.
"You like my surprise?" Brittany asks when they pull apart and glances to the side.
Santana's jaw drops as she follows Brittany's eyes to where she looks. Santana sees her wave to their friends on stage. Mercedes and Sam wave back while Quinn sends them a wink.
"You did this?" Santana's wide eyed, "I…how did you – "
Brittany leans down and cuts her off with another kiss before saying, "I'll tell you later. Come dance with me."
Santana doesn't even respond, just gets whisked away to the makeshift dancefloor. It's all so reminiscent but new at the same time to be dancing with Brittany in almost the exact same spot to the exact same song. Santana thinks she might just be the luckiest girl in the whole world, to be loved by Brittany and their friends, it's so much.
And the feeling only intensifies when Brittany whispers out an, "I love you."
It makes the question begging to be asked so much harder for Santana to conceal, especially when Brittany smiles down at her the way that she does while they sway to the music.
"I love you too," Santana says but it's filled with so much more, so much promise.
Maybe Brittany doesn't pick up on it, Santana hopes she doesn't, but that I love you means more this time. It's a vow that she's never going to stop loving her and one day she'll have a ring to prove that.
For now though, she's content with dancing the night away with Brittany but only until the clock strikes twelve. She'll ring in the new year with her girl, surrounded by their friends, but after that she's taking Brittany home to spend all night making good on a different promise.
A promise that doesn't involve quite so many people and a lot less clothes.
The heated look Santana earns when Brittany catches her eye tells her that she and Brittany are definitely on the same page. It's barely 12:03am when the two are hurriedly telling their friends goodbye and rushing to the car with their hands already starting to wander.
A/N - Sorry not sorry for the little delay on this one. I've never been good at writing 2 stories at once so blame Cupcake Battles LOL. Anyway, hope everyone's doing alright out there! Always grateful for the kind words you all leave behind.