Chapter 18

Elanor had just settled down on a bench to rest her legs when suddenly, two small bodies had rushed up to her. She nearly toppled backwards at the force of their arrival, though her frown quickly turned into a grin when she saw it was Merry and Pippin.

"My lady! No one said that you were here!" Merry exclaimed.

"We've just arrived from Isengard," Pippin added.

"I see. What adventures you must have had since the last we saw each other," she replied, truly happy to see them again. She had not accompanied the small party that set for the home of Saruman the White, choosing to remain with Eowyn and get her small company of elves settled at Edoras instead. The woman proved to be a good companion on the journey from Helm's Deep, telling her all manner of stories of Rohan.

For that, Elanor was grateful. As was the small respite she got from Legolas' ever constant gaze. While he had not approached her, she could feel him watching her. But she could not help as her eyes moved from the hobbits around the great room until they found his.

Quickly looking away, she returned her attention to the hobbits, who were still in the midst of informing her of just all that had transpired since they left Lothlorien. Her heart stopped a moment as they told the tale of being taken by the orcs, finding it terrifying. But they seemed to have moved past the trauma rather quickly. Hobbits truly were resilient.

"And then we went to a gathering of Ents," Merry said, speaking over Pippin. Elanor's eyes widened. She had long ago thought such creatures no longer existed. "They didn't want to fight, but Pippin concocted the most brilliant plan." She looked at the other hobbit, who wore an almost bashful expression.

"Wasn't so much a plan as an idea. I was not sure if it would work, but I could feel if Treebeard saw the destruction of Isengard, perhaps he would be moved to act," Pippin said.

"How very gallant of you," she replied.

"So, then the Ents sacked Isengard and now stand guard there over the wizard and his minion," Merry said. "But what of you? How did you come to fight at Helm's Deep?"

"Lord Elrond and Lady Galadriel asked it of us," she said, her smile fading slightly as her thoughts inevitably turned to Haldir.

In their excitement at being reunited, the two hobbits did not notice this, instead looking around the hall.

"Where are the others?" Pippin asked. "Is the marchwarden here as well?"

"Yea, we haven't seen many other elves. You must have brought a great army with you," Merry added. They both then noticed the grim look on her face. "Oh…"

"We came with 500, but lost many in the battle," she said softly. "Haldir was gravely injured and sent back to Lothlorien with 10 others also injured. I am now in command of what's left… only about 30 of us."

"We're so terribly sorry," Pippin said, reaching out to squeeze her hand as Merry patted her knee. She looked up, smiling slightly at the looks of concern on their faces, touched by it. Though she struggled to keep herself in check.

In the time it had taken to get back to Edoras, she had not allowed herself to ponder too much on Haldir and his current state or the many other elves they had lost. It was up to her to look out for the few that remained with her, and she had welcomed that distraction. But now as she sat in the hall, there were no tasks to preoccupy her mind and it was getting more difficult not to think of Haldir and worry for him. He was still alive, yes, but there was no telling if he would survive the journey home. She had done the best she could, but she worried it would not be enough, even with her aunt's reassurances.

She then stood abruptly.

"I thank you for your kind words, but I fear I must see after the others," she said, blinking rapidly.

"Yes, of course," Pippin said.

"We will see you at the feast, won't we?" Merry asked. Elanor looked from one hobbit to the other, considering it. She had hoped to spend the evening in her room, but she did not wish to let them down.

"Yes, you will," she said. The two smiled and stepped aside, allowing her to walk passed.

Truthfully, there wasn't anything for her to do at the moment. The horses they used had been stabled and the others were set up with their own accommodations. She had just been briefed by Braen of everyone's condition and knew there would be no council that day with the king, as they were all to rest after their journey before the feast that night to honor the fallen.

But she could no longer stand to be out in full view of everyone, struggling to control her thoughts and emotions.

"Lady Elanor!"

She paused as she was about to leave the hall, turning to see Eowyn rush up to her with a warm smile.

"I have had servants prepare a bath for you. And provided one of my dresses, if you should desire it for the feast tonight," she said quickly. "I know it is not like what you are used to in Lothlorien but thought you might care for something other than armour."

Elanor mustered a smile for the woman, touched by her thoughtfulness.

"Thank you," she replied, truly grateful for her help.

"They are in your room," Eowyn continued. "If there is anything else that you need, feel free to ask."

"I will," Elanor said, already turning towards the exit of the hall that would lead her to her accommodations.

Perhaps a warm bath and clean clothing would help ease her mind as well as her body.

Legolas watched as Elanor spoke with Eowyn, noting that the two must have formed a bond on the journey from Helm's Deep. He had hoped to speak with her, but she seemed to anticipate when he would come near and always seemed to step away or busy herself with something just before he could reach her.

He had been shocked, yet happy, to see her changed into the garb of Mirkwood just before they set out on the journey, quickly recognizing the uniform she had always worn while they were out on patrol. It was far less clunky than the ornate armour she had worn along with the other elves from Lothlorien and she appeared more at ease in it.

But yet, she still would not speak with him, often looking away should their eyes meet.

Had he said something to offend her yet again? Or perhaps she worried about Haldir? That seemed more likely the case as he recalled their exchange before he had left her in his room.

He could not help as his heart reached out to her, wishing to provide her comfort in this time. She had remained stoic nearly the entire journey that he had been part of, only speaking to either Eowyn or one of her soldiers, her blue eyes somehow masking the pain that she was undoubtedly feeling.

They had lost many in the battle. Many elves that she had known and likely had been friends with.

But for the time being, it would appear that she did not wish to speak to him. So Legolas would be patient and wait. If she wished to speak to him, she would seek him when she was ready.

Elanor sat stiffly at the table, situated between the two hobbits and surrounded by the rest of her company. While the others in the room were laughing and making merry in celebration of their victory at Helm's Deep, the elves were noticeably withdrawn. It was not as though they were not grateful for their survival or the moving tribute that Theoden had paid to them and their fallen comrades. But as their numbers had taken the largest hit in the battle, it was more difficult to find mood for celebration when so many of their own were now laid to rest in the mounds outside Edoras.

Elanor found herself looking towards the open doors, her mind flying through the dark streets of the city and across the land and plains to Haldir, praying that he was alright. But she was then drawn back to the feast, looking down at the food that filled her plate which she left untouched, finding her appetite long gone. Though she forced herself to smile at Merry and Pippin, this time their laughter and happiness was not so contagious.

Finally getting to a point where she could stand no more, Elanor gracefully rose from the table, causing the elves to do the same.

"Is something wrong?" Merry asked, his happy smile fading slightly.

"I am fine… I just need some air," she said, attempting to keep her smile on her lips. She then picked up her goblet and quickly made her way outside, looking out over the city and breathing in the crisp, cool air. While the sun had long ago set, it appeared that others in the village were celebrating the victory, with many bonfires going and cheerful laughter and singing drifting towards the hall, mixing with that which was pouring from the opened doors.

Taking a deep breath, Elanor closed her eyes, but all she could see was Haldir before her. His smile and warm grey eyes. All the sage advice he had given her throughout their years of friendship flowing through her mind.

"It should not have been you," she murmured, her eyes opening. Tears sprung forth over the unfairness of life. Of all the people to be injured and sit at death's door at the hands of the Uruk Hai, it should not have been Haldir. He had been a strong leader and fighter. The fact that she was now leading what was left of his army was a cruel joke. What had he been thinking, making her his second in command?

She did not deserve such an honor.

Legolas watched from Aragorn's side as Elanor stood, spoke to the others, and then glided out of the hall, her head held high as she clutched a goblet in one hand and held up the skirt of the heavy mauve dress with the other. Her golden hair was down, cascading down her back in curls.

Though she remained composed, he could clearly see that she was on the brink of breaking down into tears, blinking rapidly as she walked out through the door of the hall.

He debated whether he should follow her or leave her in peace. She was still struggling but seemed to have pushed it aside all day as she took care of the other elves and then sat through the noisy feast. He had to admit that the event was even grating his nerves, though he could understand the desire to celebrate. They had triumphed over considerable odds and many were happy to be alive when so many others did not survive.

After a few more moments of going back and forth, Legolas found himself standing from his table and starting towards the door.

"Now, where are you going!?" Gimli shouted boisterously. "I thought you had agreed to a drinking match!" Legolas smirked briefly as he looked down at the dwarf, who had already partaken of a large amount of ale as it was.

"Never fear, Master Dwarf. I shall return to drink you under the table in due time," he said before walking away.

"Likely to check on the lass. They knew each other in Mirkwood, did you know?" he heard Gimli say to the man sitting next to him. It was all he could do to refrain from rolling his eyes. The dwarf was a gossip if ever he knew one. But now was not the time to worry about such things.

He stepped out of the door and stopped, for a moment thinking she had returned to her room. But then he saw her at the edge of the platform, still as stone as she stared out into the darkness. The only thing moving was her hair as a breeze blew it back from her face.

Turning, he made his way towards her, watching as she moved not, though she had to have noticed his arrival.

"I am fine, Legolas," she said as he stopped next to her, his hands behind his back. "I only needed some air. I am not so used to such festivities."

"I remember a time when you could not sit to eat, you were such a favored dance partner," he replied. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, then returned her gaze out to the city.

"Forgive me if I do not feel in the mood to dance this evening," she said dryly. Legolas looked to the ground, unsure of just what to say to her. His frustration only grew. He had known Elanor for far too long to be at such a loss for words. How could he have let things happen as they did so that they would stand in this place at this moment? Unable to comfort her when she was so clearly upset.

"I imagine that it is not easy… to be parted from one you hold so dear," he finally said, looking up at her. Elanor said nothing, only brought the goblet to her lips.

"It does weigh heavy on my mind. I do not know if he will survive the journey," she said, her voice cracking slightly. "He is very dear to me."

"I am grateful that you were to find someone like him," Legolas said. "One who could be there for you in a way that I was unable to be." He watched as her eyes flicked over to him again. Perhaps he should not have said that. "I am sure his presence is missed."

"During a time when I needed strength, he lent me his own," Elanor said, her eyes moving back to the city as tears glistened in her eyes. She then sighed heavily. "I often wonder how I can survive without him. He talked me out of the darkness that threatened to take over my soul. It is almost as though I have not lost a dear friend and brother, but rather a limb or part of myself. I pray to the Valar that he will survive this."

Legolas fought from reacting to the words she had used to describe Haldir as she dropped her head, her hand rising up to wipe away the tears now falling. Had he truly gotten it wrong all this time? Were these not tears that she had potentially lost a life partner, but rather someone as close as brother? But just as quickly, he pushed those thoughts aside, knowing that the only thing that truly mattered in this moment was that he was there for Elanor in the way she needed.

Support, strength and comfort in this time of trial. His wants and desires mattered not.

"I feel as though I do not even deserve to lead his soldiers," she said, her voice breaking even more.

"He entrusted you to lead in his stead. He knew that you were strong enough, that the others would respect you and follow you. Otherwise, he would not have made such a decision," Legolas said, stepping closer to her. He longed to reach out to her, pull her into his arms as he had before. But he did no such thing. "We both know that Haldir is not one to make such decisions lightly."

Elanor looked over at him, her expression indecipherable.

"I know that I am not him, but… I am here if you wish to lay bare your soul," Legolas said gently. "I owe you that much… for all that you have done for me. For all that we once shared." She continued to stare at him, causing him to feel more anxious. But he knew what he should say. "You may feel weak without Haldir at your side, but if you feel that you cannot stand on your own, all you need do is to find me. I will gladly lend whatever strength I have."

She blinked a few times before she stepped towards him and did the one thing he had dreamed about since their reunion in Lothlorien.

She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes as she clung to him. He could only follow her actions, wrapping his own around her. It had been so very long since the last he held her like this. This was far different from the brief embrace on the walls of Helm's Deep. That had been quick and out of the thought that they would not survive. This was tender and said so much more. Legolas found that he did not wish to let her go.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"As long as I live and breathe, Elanor, you will never have to feel like you are alone," he vowed, repeating the words she had once said to him many, many years ago.

The two remained silent as they held each other a few moments, before Elanor finally stepped back out of his embrace and looked up at him. For a moment, he was transfixed by how the moonlight fell across her face. But before he could allow his thoughts to venture too far in that direction, he glanced over his shoulder towards the doors where light and laughter still spilled out.

"Do you wish to return?" he asked, turning to look at her again.

"I think that I will retire for the night," she replied.

"Do you wish for me to escort you?" he asked. She smiled briefly, shaking her head.

"I shall be fine to get there on my own. But could you please tell the others and give them my apologies?" she asked. He nodded. She then walked past him and continued down to another door that would lead back into the bowels of the great hall without having to go through the many revelers.

Legolas stood outside a few moments longer, gaining his bearing before he too turned and returned to the feast.

Elanor sat in a chair before a roaring fire, staring at the flames as she pulled the blanket tighter around her. It was far courser than what she was used to, but she welcomed the warmth it provided.

Her thoughts turned to Legolas' words. They were so similar to what he had said all those years ago when her mother had died. He held her through most of the night in the sitting room of her family's chambers as she cried, often smoothing her hair back and shedding his own tears for the elleth he had come to see as a mother after his own passed on when he was still an elfling. And even then, he had said that she would never truly be alone as long as he was there. She had told him the very same thing when his mother had died.

She could not help as a few more tears slipped out and coursed down her cheeks. Now alone, she did not bother to wipe them away as she continued to stare into the flames.

"All these tears for me?" she could almost hear Haldir say. "Why must you waste tears and breath over me? I am not yet dead. There is still breath in my body. We are only parted for now… not forever."

"Because I miss you, you toad," she muttered softly with a short laugh.

"I am a soldier, Elanor. I always knew that I might face my end on a battlefield," she then heard him say. "But I have not yet met it. And the best, most healing gift you can give is to continue to live."

She was not sure if it was wishful thinking or if perhaps Haldir had spoken to her from wherever he was, but she could not help but continue to ponder on the words. It was something he would say to her were he standing in the room before her. And deep inside, she knew that it was true.

All Haldir had ever wanted was for her to put the darkness behind her and live.

"How am I to continue without your strength beside me?" she whispered to the still, quiet room.

"By your own strength, which we both know you possess…"

"By the Valar, you know me all too well, Haldir," she replied, a small smirk appearing on her face. "Fine, I shall do so. Though it will not be easy."

"You are not alone, Elanor… you know this…"

Her thoughts once again returned to Legolas and his vow to her. In the wake of nearly losing Haldir, her previous heartache seemed to pale in comparison. And she had found herself much comforted after speaking with the prince. It was true - she was not alone. She had her old friend once again in her life. Not only that, she had the other elves who had remained with her. She then thought to Haldir's final request before they parted. That she would tell Legolas the truth of her feelings. For the first time, she thought perhaps it was possible, though not just yet.

Sitting up in her chair, she looked around the room, as though she were searching for Haldir in the corners and shadows.

"I will live," she vowed, not knowing if he could hear her. "This I promise."

Just two more chapters left to write! And I'm getting into some good stuff, so I'm hoping to finish this weekend. So much motivation for this story.

Ladyville – I know. It killed me. So much that I couldn't kill him, even if Legolas and Elanor are endgame. Seriously want to write a story focused on Haldir and finding his own happiness. Not sure if it would be a sequel to this or another story completely. Probably another completely seeing as where I intend to take this one…

Thanks for reading and following!