A/N: As promised the second half of the birthday party in Bath

Nothing Compares to You

"What's going on …?"

"Haven't got the faintest fucking idea …"

"Oi…"

I know, I really got no business snapping back at him like that, it's not nice, not when I'm supposed to be being all understanding and that, and something's going on but it's bloody hard when someone bites your fucking head off and when you got to whisper. He's got that bloody look on his face that says he doesn't want someone overhearing, which they probably will because it's gone bleeding quiet in here and he said he didn't know, but I can see that whatever it is he's fucking furious about it, definitely not seeing the funny side, is he? I think it might be just me thinks it's a bit funny, but I must not giggle whatever I do. Why is it that as soon as laughing is some sort of bleeding crime there's this huge bit of me wants to do it even more? Is that just me do you think, it's nowhere near the first time, is it?

"Sam … go and find your mother… now please … do as I say"

Shit, Captain James has turned up and is issuing bleeding orders, for fuck sake he'll be expecting standing to attention and saluting any minute and I know it's really not my bleeding business, I do know we've only been back for about two ticks and I haven't suddenly become expert or anything, but, bloody hell, it's not Sam's fault, is it? Whatever's going on here, none of it is down to him, poor little bugger hasn't done anything so why the fuck is his dad barking at him like that? Beyond me.

"Charles…"

"What?"

"Yeah alright, keep your bloody hair on …"

I thought I was doing a good job at the meaningful little jerk of my head thing, you know, raising my eyebrows and doing the frown and the little nod at Sam, but doesn't look like Charles has got a clue what I'm on about. Don't know why not, but short of saying 'shut up and stop taking it out on the poor little sod' there isn't much I can do is there? And alright, I know, keep out and your bloody gob shut Molly, but I never was any good at that, was I? And it's not me trying to tell him what to do, I was just trying to drop a little hint, trying to tip him off in case he hadn't realised. Honestly that's all. Alright then, maybe I was trying to tell him to stop being a bit of a shit with his kid, a bit, but I wanted to stop all this, whatever it is, from getting out of hand.

I didn't want to be at this fucking party in the first place. You know I'd miles prefer to be sitting on my sofa watching Netflix, eating Pringles and drinking too much like I always used to on a Saturday night. Getting pissed on my own had sometimes been a bit shit, but it was far more fun than this was turning out to be, and it wasn't like I could get pissed here was it? But, if there's going to be a James family bust-up then there's no way, I want to be part of it, not even as a looker-on, thanks very much. Anyway, you can bet your sweet life it'd end up being my fault in some way. Yeah, I know, but even if that does sound like I'm being a bit paranoid it doesn't mean it's not true.

And it's all a bit shit for Sammie, innit? Poor little sod obviously doesn't know what the fuck's gone on, although come to think of it he's not the only one, all he knows is that his dad has suddenly got very shirty. Alright very shitty.

"Molly … I asked you a question, can you answer me please … what do you want?"

"Well … for starters you can stop talking to me like that … I don't know what you think you're doing, but stop shooting the bleeding messenger, will you?"

No point in pulling that face again because Sam had already turned round to do as he was told and was slowly trudging off, probably going off to look for his mum and you could tell just by looking at the back of him how he was feeling. Poor little sod still had his head down and was looking at his feet when he said something to her, something she obviously didn't like, judging from the look she shot over at Charles, she was bloody livid with him, and I can't say I blame her actually.

The minute the penny dropped there was this look of horror shot across his face and even though it disappeared pretty bloody quickly behind that mask of his, I could see that he'd woken up to what I'd been trying so bloody hard to tell him.

"Oh fuck … sorry Moll … look, just hang on here … don't go anywhere … won't be a minute"

He grabbed hold of the top of my arm and gave it a little shake and then went haring off after Sam which was fine and all the rest of it, he had to didn't he? Well, it was the least he could do, but it left me bloody high and dry, you know, standing there on my own like a spare prick at a wedding again. I was stranded, left looking around and trying to look like I didn't care. Not that Rebecca was exactly thrilled to talk to him, you could see that even from where I was standing, she was far more bothered about putting the smile back on Sam's face than she was with talking to Charles about what had gone on. And she definitely wasn't very bothered with trying to make him feel better, she was too busy getting Sam to look at the cards on the table so he could help her find their right seats. For fuck sake, what's all that about, name cards to tell you where you've got to sit? When it's family? Have you ever heard anything like it, I mean, who the fuck thinks that's a good idea?

But you know something, I was buggered if I was going to stand around looking like a bit of lost property waiting for him to come back and claim me, and I'm sick of the feeling that everyone's looking at me and thinking he's abandoned me so he can go and see his wife. I'm not saying I want us to be joined at the bloody hip, am I? I don't. I'm quite happy to get on without him, I'm not just Molly James, his bleeding wife, I'm me, I'm Molly Dawes and I don't need him to be always looking after me. I'm going to find where Etta wants me to park my bum instead of standing around feeling like a spare part, because there's something tells me it's odds on I won't be anywhere near Charles. Actually, wish I'd put money on it, because needless to say she's put me as far away as she possibly can, I'm right down the other end of the table. The only way I could be any further away is if I was sitting out in the fucking hall. The card with my name on it is almost the last one at the naughty end next to Ted and with a couple of kids that must belong to someone here. Not Sam though, and not Charles neither, they're at the other end with the important people, with Rebecca and bloody Etta and all it needs now is for Ginger Barbie to crawl out the woodwork and we'll have the sodding hat trick.

His mum obviously doesn't care she's telling the world what she thinks is my place in her scheme of things, she couldn't make it any plainer that she doesn't see me fitting in anywhere, could she? Not that I'm going to give her, or anyone else for that matter, the satisfaction of letting them see I'm a little bit peeved, alright that I'm upset, a bit tearful. I'm going to pretend I don't fucking care and I am not going to notice my husband keep jerking his bloody head at me and twitching his eyes and trying to get me to go where he is. Because I am not going to. If he wants to sit with me, if he wants to show the world that we're together and solid, he can come down this end or he can tell that bloody mother of his to sort it out.

In spite of Ted saying all that stuff that had the shit hitting the fan, I don't think anyone has actually done what she wanted and moved through the double doors to go and sit at the table. Almost everyone is still standing around drinking and chatting so that she's started flapping around trying to get them to hurry up so they can start serving the food. I think she's getting bothered that everyone's getting pissed while they wait to get fed, and the catering bloke is not best pleased either, he keeps bobbing in and out and waving his fucking hands about and talking in her ear. I got a feeling they're fed up with waiting to serve. I do hope it means she's picked something show-off stupid like a souffle. Actually, don't know about anyone else, but I'm bleeding starving, and Ted is definitely not the only one who's getting a bit happy, I mean, not me, I'm not talking about me, more's the pity, but if it takes much longer they're all going to be under the fucking table not sitting at it.

"I think Charles is trying to attract your attention, Molly"

"Is he?"

I knew that didn't I? As soon as we'd sat down I could feel his eyes on me again and knew exactly what look he'd have on his face, but if he thinks I'm going to run up there and find somewhere to sit and have her look at me like I'm something she's stepped in, he's got another think coming. Alright, I know, I could go and sit on his lap, could really piss her off, but I'm making a point, or you could say I might just be sulking.

"Oh well he can see me, knows where I am, doesn't he?"

There was a bit of a lull for a bit as everyone sorted out drinks and bread and the catering people finally dished up some sort of fish thing, no starter I noticed, in spite of the cutlery. I couldn't help wondering if it was something that had been wrecked with waiting. Alright, wishing it was. But at least with the food finally appearing I could pretend to be concentrating on eating as I carried on ignoring Charles at the same time. Not sure what exactly it was we were eating, just that it was fish and was no doubt something posh, but there had been this horrible moment when I saw the shells on the top and thought it was oysters. That was until Ted said they were clams which I've never had before. Not sure I've even seen them and don't think I'd be bothered if I never had them again either. To be honest I don't know a whole lot about fish, except it usually comes with chips and that this didn't. Charles tried to get me to eat some oysters once, told me how he loves them and how they're supposed to be all sexy, but I don't care what anyone says, there's nothing sexy about trying to swallow something that reminds you of a mouthful of snot.

"You know he's very proud of you, don't you?"

Ted was sobering up quite quickly now that we were sitting there having a bit of a contest to see who could eat the most bread, a competition that reminded me of the 50 sausage challenge, except for less gross. And either the bread was mopping up the booze really fast or he'd been playing to the gallery, it looked like he'd been pretending to be more pissed than he actually was for some reason.

"If you say so"

"I do … and you know Molly, Charles knows he made a very stupid mistake when he let you go the way he did … and he told me he's very proud of how you've moved on in your new job …" Shit, what was this, was Ted writing a dating profile for my husband do you think? "He told me that if someone was to have a heart attack, you'd know exactly what to do to save their life"

"Did he? Well yeah … yell help and shout loud as I can for someone to dial 999 … then hide"

"I'm sure that's not true"

He was laughing, as I sort of knew he would. Ted might not be as pissed as I'd thought and he might be being lovely and everything but I don't want to talk to him about my job. I mean, I'm quite happy to talk about wanting to travel and where I want to go and that, but I've never before had any sort of proper conversation with him about anything and talking about my job is something I hate, I hate that it makes me sound like I'm boasting or something or saying how clever I think I am.

"You know she really did meet her match when you arrived, didn't she?" I don't know what the bloody hell he's talking about now "I don't know how much you've noticed, Molly, probably a great deal, a bright girl like you, but my wife is only really happy when people are doing exactly as she wants … and sometimes that just isn't possible … it just doesn't happen … sometimes she comes across someone like you, someone she knows she can't control" Oh fuck what's bought this on? He's talking about Etta and is looking up the table to the posh end and watching her queening it over everyone "No matter how much effort she makes, no matter how hard she's tried and believe me she's tried, she hasn't yet managed to find someone she considers to be suitable"

"Suitable for what?"

"Charles"

I'm not sure if it's slipped his bloody notice who he's talking to, but Charles has already got a wife, me, so why are we talking about his mum trying to find him one she thinks is better?

"Never was gonna be me though, was it Ted? She thinks I'm too common … well, s'pose she might have a point, I am a bit"

"Nonsense … Etta never …. She didn't find Rebecca … ideal .. either… not that it was ever any of her business"

"Oh…" Bugger me, and Rebecca could never be called common, could she? Not in a million.

"Has Charles ever told you why he chose to join the army in the first place?"

"Yeah … well not really, he just said he never wanted to do anything else, that it was all he'd ever wanted … why?"

"What was it made you want to join up?"

"Dunno really, it was a bit … it was me 18th and I was a bit pissed and a bit … well, a bit unhappy I s'pose, bloody knew that nothing was gonna change if I stayed where I was doing what I was doing, knew my life was gonna be shit and if I wanted it different I had to get away from home … saw the recruiting thing and decided to have a go …. Why?"

"Have you ever wondered why Charles wanted to do the same thing?"

"Nah … course not, it was what he wanted … it was his ambition"

"Maybe …. But I think if you asked him you might find that there were a lot of things that were not so very different for him … he was very young when he made the decision on the army … very much as you did, he wanted … he decided that he needed to get away from … from home"

Ted suddenly shut up talking and looked back to the other end of the table for a minute at them all chatting and laughing and then carefully put his knife and fork down side by side neatly on the plate. I think he might have just woken up that he was saying stuff he shouldn't to someone he shouldn't. I got the feeling that if what he was said was true, Charles would really prefer to tell me himself, but he hadn't said anything like that, had he? What the fuck would he have needed to get away from? He'd had everything.

"I blame myself … I stood back and took the easy way out for far too long and if there's one thing I regret more than anything else, it's that I let the situation drift on the way I did … I chose the quiet life and it's taken a very long time for me to … wake up"

"Sorry, Ted … but I don't know what you're on about … what do you mean?"

"Don't bother your pretty little head about it" Oh good, now he's patronising me to fuck, and I can't say anything, can I? Lovely "Didn't you tell me this was supposed to be my birthday party? So …come on then … let's get the … Sam, Sammie … did someone say something about a cake? … And it had better have candles"

There was a whole lot of shifting around of bums and laughing and loud chattering and a bit of racket as plates got cleared away and then everyone sort of went quiet and held their breath and watched Sam very carefully carry a birthday cake down the room. He had this triumphant look on his face as he put it on the table in front of his granddad and then very carefully straightened the candles that had got knocked sideways before Charles lit them.

"Hey … when I said I wanted candles I didn't expect all these" Ted pit his hands up and pretended to move back from the heat of the lighted candles, which sent Sam into a fit of giggles.

"You have to have one candle for every year old you are Grandad … that's how it works"

"But Sam there are far too many here … Molly said I'm 21 ….so I should have 21 candles not hundreds …"

"There's not hundreds ..." Sam was trying not to laugh and failing, it looked like all the earlier shitty stuff was long forgotten as Ted pretended to lose count of the candles so that he kept starting the count again "Molly's wrong, Daddy said that that's how many we need"

"Noooo … Molly's not wrong … must be your Dad's wrong …"

"No, he's not …"

"Well in that case you'd better help me blow them out, I don't think I've got enough puff for all that lot"

"Hey"

He put his hands lightly on my shoulders and gave me a little shake as Ted and Sam blew repeatedly trying to put out the equivalent of the Blackpool Illumination of candles and everyone sang this very untuneful rendition of Happy Birthday. I knew he'd been right behind me the whole time when his dad had been playing silly buggers with Sam, I'd just got this sense of him being there, well that and I could smell his smell.

"'ello"

I tilted my head back to look up at him and then leaned back until I could feel I was resting against him, for some reason I wasn't pissed at him anymore. I think I was a bit bored with being annoyed.

"You alright?"

"Of course I'm not, how could I possibly be alright when I've been sitting there watching my beautiful wife enjoying herself flirting with my father … and ignoring me"

"You jealous?"

"Yup"

"I was not flirting…and you was the one who went off … not me … what was I s'posed to do, sit here in bloody silence? Your dad was the one talking to me"

"I know and I'm sorry about all this … the way the whole thing has turned out Moll… it's all been a bit fucked up hasn't it?"

"It's had some help … every time I looked up, I kept on expecting to see Amber hanging off of you down at the posh end …"

"What posh end? What are you talking about, and she would not have been … what did you call it, hanging off me? I mean, I don't know where you got that idea from, but…" He paused and shook his head "You're right about one thing … she would certainly have been here if it hadn't been for dad, Mum took it on herself and decided to invite her apparently, but didn't bother mentioning it to him and dad had a bloody fit when he found out…"

He waited, he probably knew, or thought he did, that his dad wasn't going to be the only one who had a fit, I think he knew it was entirely possible I might be going to throw a hissy so he was getting it out of the way.

"Apparently, he insisted that mum had to call and un-invite her, there was an unholy row, a scene if you like, tempers got a little frayed and that's putting it mildly … Dad won"

"What … and she told you all of this?"

"Of course not … can you imagine it? Nope, Becca told me"

"Rebecca? I thought … don't matter … but that's what your dad was talking about when he said … never mind … it really don't matter" Obvious now what Ted had been on about when he said to me about putting his foot down and it being about time or something, wasn't it? "Your dad's alright"

"Yup he is"

"What did you say to your mum? I mean, you did say something didn't you?"

"Uh uh … nope, not yet … I'll have a word in the morning"

He shook his head, and yeah, alright there was a big bit of me wanted him to wade in there and tell her where to get off, first for asking bloody Amber even though she knew I was going to be there and then for sticking me down at the other end of the fucking table. Bet she planned to have Amber at the top end with her. And Charles. But even I could see that this probably wasn't the best time for him to front her about it, or the best place either for the sort of full-on slanging match which would be what the Dawes family would be having by now if it was us. I mean, them. We call it clearing the air and I suppose you could call it that, maybe, but nothing beats a bloody good row for sorting things does it? A bit of yelling, and a lot chucking stuff and threatening violence, that sort of thing, but perhaps not. Not here. And not right now. Too much pricey stuff could get broken.

Must admit though I'm a bit surprised Amber said yes that she'd come, wonder which bit of Charles telling her to fuck right off she didn't get? He said he'd made it plain to her that they weren't going to happen, he'd told her he was back with his wife, with me, so all I can say is that she can't have much pride, can she? Can you imagine being happy sitting at the table with both of us like that? And she didn't know I was going to be sitting down in the cheap seats, did she? Not when Etta invited her. Not unless the old witch promised she could have a free run at him, and surely not even that old cow would think she could get away with that? Or maybe the thought of getting her hands on this house like Charles said she wanted, was enough to make Amber blind to everything else. And before anyone says anything, I know she has to have been here with him in the past. She has to have slept in his room, in his bed, with him, has to have or Ted wouldn't know her, would he? But I'm doing my best to try not to think about that bit.

Sometimes he knows how I'm feeling almost before I know myself, which can be bloody annoying and I know he knows because he just pulled me up off of my chair and hugged me and kept on hugging me until I gave in and hugged him back. Someone had put on some music and Ted and Sam were singing a duet of some Country and Western shit and Ted was hamming it up making Sam keep cracking up laughing which Ted just ignored as he carried on singing in a very loud voice that was nearly as good as Charles. Alright it was bloody good voice and Sam can sing as well, seems all them can, bet you bloody Etta can sing as well, which is more than I can.

"Do you want to join in?"

"Nah, not in a bloody million … you can if you want"

"Nope … I'm nowhere near pissed enough" I could feel his laugh rumbling in his chest.

"You don't need to be pissed to sing … not like me … Go on if you want"

"Nope … I'd rather stay here and dance with my wife, I'll do my best not to tread on her toes and cripple her"

"Wouldn't feel it if you did, can't feel anything … me feet are numb"

"Take those bloody stupid shoes off then"

"Then I'll be small again … thought you liked me being tall"

"Molly?"

"What?"

"Just stop talking shit and take those ridiculous shoes off and dance with me … I don't care how small you are …"

I'd already decided I was going to take my shoes off because now I'd started to think about it, they really were fucking killing me.

"I love it when you're being all bossy"

"You know beautiful, right now I'd be asking you to marry me, well I would if I wasn't already married"

"Would you?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely … no question"

"Tell you what, if you did ask me I'd say that I'd love to, well I would if I wasn't already married myself, but as it is … sorry, I'm already taken and my husband can be a bit of a jealous bugger sometimes"

"That's true if anything is"

"I know"

I'd love to be able to tell you that we were having a bit of a dance but it was more like swaying on the spot because soon as the feeling started coming come back into my toes it was more like I was hopping from one foot to the other on red-hot bloody needles. I was in absolute fucking agony. Charles didn't help one little bit singing in my ear and sort of sniggering at the same time at the way I was hopping about.

"What's so bleeding funny… shut up laughing, there's nothing funny … they fucking hurt"

"I know … and I'm sorry … come on … let's go to bed and I'll kiss them better"

He bent his head to whisper against my ear, obviously wanting to make sure no-one else could hear him "I know I haven't … always been the best … but the one thing I do know is that even though you might not have been my first love, and there is nothing I can do about that, you are definitely my last" He put his hands round my face and tilted it up so I was looking up at him and slowly wiped his thumbs under my eyes "My biggest regret is always going to be that I didn't make things right sooner, because then I'd have you in my life for longer"

"Ditto"

"Ditto? Is that it?"

"Yeah … what's wrong with ditto all of a sudden?"

"Nothing … I was just expecting something a little more … romantic"

"Were you? 'n I was wishing you'd stop laughing, don't know whether or not to believe you when you say stuff …"

"I've never lied to you Molly, never have, and I promise that I never will"

"Okay … that's alright then innit?"

-OG-