"Enter."
Emma swallowed and pushed the door to Snape's office yet again. The last time they parted on at least neutral ground, him having had handed her a cup of overbrewed tea, supposedly as a thank you gesture. And now she was there again, about to stir the man, get scolded for causing trouble and to make a crack in their relation that seemed to be getting quite alright. She stepped inside and closed the door behind her, heading towards the man's desk behind which he was sitting.
"Good evening, professor," she spoke as lightly as possible, having to keep the impression of slight surprise as to why he would call her to his office. "You wanted to see me."
"Let's skip the nonsense. Where are you keeping the delphinium bulbs, Hawthorne?" Snape leaned in heavily across the table and eyed Emma, his eyes showing a bit of disdain and a bit of utter annoyance. It's not that Emma did not expect him to get straight to the point, but she also had not prepared any answer beforehand. She would have to pretend she did not overhear the conversation in the greenhouse. Snape must have realised he was right suspecting her, for her prolonged silence made in painfully obvious.
"You are one step away from being handed over to the Headmaster and accused of theft and suspected of taking part in poisoning. You have been given a fair warning," the man spoke in low voice, more like pushing words through his teeth. He clearly did not wish to be dealing with her anymore. And Emma knew that she couldn't admit to having snuck into the greenhouse. That would incriminate her even more. She had to be straightforward.
"I'm not sure how come you know that, sir, but I had to acquire one for Peeves. It was a part of the deal we made the last time, right when you came across me in the morning, sir," Emma spoke softly in order not to get on any worse side of the man. She also had to present more accurate information so that Snape wouldn't start accusing her. "I couldn't figure out how to get it. I asked professor Sprout, but she did not have one. And then I asked Hagrid-"
"When did that happen?" Snape interrupted her, clearly realising that his assumption did not match reality too well.
"Throughout this week, sir. And... well, I was looking for the bulbs this afternoon," Emma hoped that despite the bath there would still be some soil under her nails, but when she put her hands to the candle light, they were overall clean. "I still have them in my dorm."
"Have you given them to anyone?"
"No."
Snape leaned back and kept eyeing Emma almost aggressively. It was very clear that he wanted to have a reason to take it all out on her and she would not be surprised if that did indeed happen, but he kept his cool and instead started to grit his teeth. He began to sink into thought as Emma watched him and a few minutes later of tension gradually growing he barked at her again.
"What the hell is that ridiculous deal you made?"
Emma sighed. It seemed that her trying to fix the situation made it even worse. She should have never made any deals and just let the rumour spread. She wasn't even concerned about it for her own sake, after all. Leaving it as it was wouldn't be as bad as having to go over unpleasantries with Snape again, making their relation even worse; it was like reopening a nasty wound that had just begun to heal.
"Peeves asked me to bring him a handful of privet berries and a delphinium bulb. I am to delived those tomorrow in the morning-"
"What did you say?" the man suddenly sat up, making Emma startle in her chair. "Privet berries?"
"Yes, and-"
"Do you have them, Hawthorne?" Snape leaned towards her again and Emma knew she was done. Now she would have to admit to stealing, and from his own stock. Things were getting even worse than a minute before.
"I do."
Snape's expression deepened as though he knew what she was about say next.
"Your suspicion is correct, sir. I took, no, I stole it from your stock at the beginning of this week after detention," Emma said, deciding the best way to not make it worse was to speak about her guilt before he would, so as to dodge the hit. "I am sorry. My only motivation for-"
"I do not care about your motivations, Hawthorne!" he rose from his chair and circled the desk, quckly assuming a towering position over Emma as she pushed back in her chair a little. He looked intimidating, but she was not overwhelmed. Maybe slightly uneasy. "I knew you were a thief. It was not reasonable to leave you alone in my office for even a second-"
"No, sir," Emma interrupted, ready to deal the final blow, regardless of the consequences. "I actually snuck into here after we finished..."
Snape was breathing fast and clutching at the armrest of the chair Emma was stuck on. She did not see anger in his eyes, or whatever could been seen on his face that was far away from the source of light. If anything, there was some kind of irritation, or frustration, a feeling that maybe he could just never get rid of her.
"You... you gave me that piece of cake on that day," Emma blurted out the one last piece of information leading to her impeding doom and had Snape snort with ridicule.
"So you admit to having snuck into my office and having stolen a handful of ingredients with a motive of dealing those for the security of your reputation?" he spoke in the most venomous voice she has heard from him yet and Emma shook her head.
"No," Emma said firmly. "I did that to save yours."
"... A hundred points from Ravenclaw. No, a hundred and fifty," Snape leaned in even closer to her face, bearing his teeth like an angered beast ready to pounce on the victim. "For being insufferable, for breaking the school rules, for commiting a crime and for never ceasing to just keep out of my personal space."
Emma clenched her teeth and with the ears of her mind she could already hear the sapphire gems dropping back to the pile in the giant house point hourglasses in the Great Hall. She could hear the whines of her fellow Ravenclaws and could almost feel the potential offense directed at her. But she couldn't do much now. It was just the points, it was just the opinion of people she did not care for – at least she did what she felt was reasonable and good to do. There was no regret, aside maybe from damaging what she had come to with Severus Snape.
What did surprise her, though, was that the man was still leaning over her. Something she said must have struck him. When he finally pulled back, though, he resumed the seat behind his desk. Emma heard him exhale deeply and saw him place his face in his hands. She had no idea what was happening, but decided to silently wait.
"Honestly, Hawthorne," Snape spoke again after a couple of excruciatingly long minutes. "In my whole teaching career I have never seen someone so daft, clueless and making so much trouble everywhere they would go. And you are not even a bad student. You are, in fact, a barely noticeable human being outside of all the trouble you are making," Snape went on, his voice as though devoid of any prior emotion. He sounded quite tired. "But I just cannot hate you."
Emma waited some more, but he did not continue. The turn the situation took was quite odd. Again, was it her not being able to underdstand the clues, or was it in fact a weird turn none of them would expect? It seemed as though Snape was fighting his own view of her and whatever was happening. He seemed to want to just get rid of her, but couldn't. Even though he did a couple of times already. He clearly stated he just could not hate her.
"Again, I'm sorry," Emma picked up the topic. "I still have those and I will bring them back to you. I will put the bulbs back in the ground or give them to you, as well. I will simply not show up for Peeves tomorrow and get the consequences, sir. Just remember that he will make things nasty for you, too."
Snape was not looking at her, but she knew he was listening.
"No," he finally said. Emma furrowed her eyebrows thinking he really was a tough one. "This reeks of something suspicious and I have my reasons to think this all goes far beyond your little deal and the poisonings. You will indeed return all the ingredients to me right now, but that will not be the end of your duty."
He finally looked up at her and as she wasn't responding he barked "Go. Now!"
Emma was back within minutes, all sweaty and gasping. She quickly palced the plants on the desk before Snape, who was now looming over it with a cup of steaming hot liquid in his hand. It smelled of coffee, but Emma couldn't be sure. Snape took out his wand and she tilted her head.
"Sir?"
"It will all have a detectable charm placed on it," he muttered to her in a way that told her to just bugger off. "I am almost sure that within the next poisoning incident there will be more clues. Your daftness might come in handy this time, Hawthorne."
He muttered some more, swished the wand and all the plants twirled mid-air for a few seconds, then glowed purple and landed back on the surface, now back to their original colour. Emma was sitting in a chair further away in the office and waited.
"You will take them to Peeves tomorrow. Do not mention anything about the charm," Snape gestured at her and at the plants and Emma quickly stood up to pocket those. When she was done, she saw the man eyeing her now without too much of any disdain. She noticed his still very young-looking face ridden with exhaustion that might have been caused by emotion. His attitude might point to a much older age, but deep down he still wasn't fully grown, or so she suspected. He must have been through something terrible, of that she was sure. Emma stood there and allowed him to just look at her.
"You said your mother died the most ridiculous way."
Emma startled at the sudden mention and felt a sting in her chest. She would definitely not call her mother's death ridiculous. The circumstances – maybe.
"Why?" she asked, confused.
"It was like whatever you would do, you would not be able to save her. Her death was a result of one massive string of failures," Snape continued, now looking past her at somewhere unspecified. Emma swallowed and let her eyes drop as well.
"Yes."
"How much does that hurt you, Hawthorne?"
Emma's rational side was keeping up with the process, but her emotional side definitely wasn't. It was enough of emotions for that day and now Snape was pulling something out of her that she definitely did not feel like facing.
"It depends on how much I allow myself to think of it as a loss, sir," Emma responded and, being tired of standing and quite positive she might feel dizzy soon, she sat down again, this time across from Snape.
"What else is there to think of it as, then, girl?" she could hear a very small hint of pain in his voice as he asked the question. Emma sighed.
"Past, I suppose. Experience. Life. Natural order of things," she began automatically, but caught herself just spewing out the nonsense she had made herself settle for when she couldn't quite cope with the pain. She shook her head. "No. That's not right. I think I will happily settle for opportunity to learn."
"Learn what?"
"How to deal with life, sir," Emma looked at him. "If life serves me this level of difficulty, then it also gives me a new perspective on what is or isn't important. Or on how to deal with pain. I wouldn't want to pity myself for too long, sir."
Snape looked up at her and they sat eyeing each other in silence for a long moment.
"I could either keep on hurting or move on. I see no valid reason to choose the former," Emma rested her hands on the table. At that point she was certain Snape and her crossed the official line that divided teachers and students. They got a tad too personal. And too emotional. Emma decided to test that conclusion and reached for Snape's cup.
"If you want coffee – ask," he muttered.
"Can I have coffee, sir?"
Snape stood up heavily and after some time returned with a cup for Emma. He passed it unceremoniously straight to her hands and sat back down. Emma muttered a thanks and took a sip. It was rather disgusting. She wondered how come he couldn't properly prepare a beverage. Or was it how he liked it?
"I don't care about you, or your mother, but there is something you had said that might or might not be true after all," Snape spoke as Emma braved the awful taste of her coffee through her teeth. "That we indeed might have something in common..."
The candle flames danced, with the candles being closer to vanishing than not. Was Snape finally about to tell her the story she had thought he kept locked away back then?
I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
I'll be happy to read your review.
I'm motivated and looking forward to developing this relation.
Take care of yourself and have a great day!