NINETEEN

Monday, 19 October 2020; nineteen weeks

James wasn't there when she woke the next morning. She discovered his absence when she stretched her arm out behind her, expecting to feel him, but touched cold sheets instead. She laid there, her nose buried into his pillow, until she could no longer ignore the sting of her bladder about to burst. Choosing to use her own bathroom, she closed his door softly behind her, locking the memory of their night together away.

She didn't see him for the rest of the day. Not even when the time for dinner came and went, leaving her to reheat some leftovers and eat it alone. She had sent him a text earlier that afternoon, asking if he was stopping by the store. She hadn't needed anything, but she needed the excuse to make contact with him. He had replied that he would stop on the way, but it would be quite a bit; to send him a list. She asked for the same thing she always did; ice cream. He didn't respond after that.

Her mother had called shortly after that, asking how she had been. They spoke for longer than they ever had on the phone. While their conversation was still on the strained side, Hermione decided it was a start. The more she reached out, the faster they could mend their relationship. And not long after the call ended, Hermione settled in against her headboard with a book in hand, intending to read through the night only to find herself waking up to her alarms for work the next morning.

Only the book was on the nightstand with the marker sticking out and she was tucked under the covers. She sighed heavily, hand pressing to her stomach as it gurgled something fierce. She had skipped dinner and was paying for it now. Instead of waiting for her next two alarms, she got up and readied herself for the day. Once downstairs she poured herself a bowl of cereal and started the coffee pot. She was on her second bowl when James came down, nearly ready to head out for the day too.

"Thank you," she said.

She was glad that he didn't try to pretend that he hadn't done anything. He simply nodded and proceeded to prepare his cup of coffee to his liking. "You're welcome."

She watched as he screwed the lid onto his travel mug and turned to leave. "James-"

"Not now," he said with a shake of his head.

"When?" she asked. "It's hard to have a conversation with you if you keep avoiding me."

He stopped in his tracks, but kept his back to her. "I'll get dinner tonight. We can talk then."

Her lips parted to say something else, but he was gone before the words could form on her tongue. She clamped her lips closed, pressing them into a thin line and huffed. Pushing her bowl of cereal away, she sat back in her chair and let her hands glide over her stomach. If this was only the beginning, she wasn't ready for what the rest of the day had in store for her. Not having a choice, she cleaned up, transferred her coffee into her own travel mug, and took her leave as well.

Having not really done any real work that morning as it was, Hermione left earlier than necessary to meet Ginny. Yet somehow, the red-head was still there before her. They greeted each other outside in the parking lot, only lingering for a few moments before the chill of the autumn air pushed them inside. There, she filled out the paperwork and then sat with her friend in the lobby, trying her best to keep the conversation going while they waited.

For as much as Hermione hated Ginny's intuition at times, sometimes she was glad for it. Today was one of those days. She didn't have to tell her that she was nervous for her to just know. She didn't have to say that she was scared for Ginny to reach over and take her hand. Most importantly, she never let silence take hold, keeping Hermione from drowning in her thoughts.

When her name was called, Ginny followed her to the back. They went into room for the ultrasound first and after taking her vitals, the nurse left. Hermione took her normal position in the exam chair, pushing her clothes out of the way for the gel. When she was settled, Ginny was right there at her side, twining their fingers together and squeezing her hand. The technician came in a few moments later and after exchanging a around of greetings, prepared the machine and slathered Hermione's skin with gel so cold, she shivered from head-to-toe.

"Are you wanting to know the sex?" the tech asked after having placed the wand to her stomach.

She had been asking herself that since she knew there was a possibility that they would find out during this visit. Originally, she hadn't wanted to. She thought it might be too hard; that it might make it too real. But Draco and Theo had asked to know ahead of time. They wanted time to put their nursery in order and decorate accordingly. Hermione swallowed hard and gave a nod. "Yes please."

The tech nodded, her attention turning back to the machine. Hermione watched the screen, her vision steadily beginning to blur. She hadn't remembered the last few ultrasounds being so clear. Last time there were outlines, grainy texture, and far too many shadows. Now…

Now there was a baby.

She could see arms with little hands and tiny fingers.

Scrawny legs with small feel and itty-bitty toes.

And a face with features so clear she knew it would remember it forever.

"Congratulations, Miss Granger, your son looks happy and healthy in there."

She nodded, her teeth sinking into her lower lip as she turned her head away from the screen. If she hadn't already been sitting, she was sure her legs would have given out from under her. As it was, her body began to tremble and she forgot how to breathe. Even when Ginny's hand squeezed hers again, she barely felt it.

Oblivious, the technician continued doing her job, tapping away at the screen and taking more pictures. "Would you like some printed out for you?"

"Yes please," she repeated, the words slipping out as if it were an automatic reply.

Finished, the tech wiped off most the gel before leaving the room again. Ginny helped her get the rest off and then Hermione fixed her clothes. Just as she finished, the doctor came in and went over a few things. Most of it was more of the same; that everything was looking good. That the baby- her son- was developing just as he should be. Without her usual slew of questions, the appointment wrapped up fairly quickly and she stopped at the reception desk to make the arrangements for the next one in three weeks.

With the little envelope containing her sonogram pictures tucked under her arm, she bid the staff goodbye and walked to her car, nearly forgetting that Ginny was there. She felt as though she was floating; her mind unable to settle down on any one thing. Already she had forgotten most of what the doctor had said. The only thing on her mind was that she was having a boy; a son.

"Hermione?" Ginny asked, her fingers snapping in front of her face finally pulling her back to reality. "Are you alright?"

"Fine."

Ginny knew better than to believe that, but given the circumstances, she knew better than to say anything about it. "Come on," she said, tugging her away from her own car. "Let's get some lunch."

"I'm not-"

"I am," she said, a smile tugging at her lips. "Come on, don't make me eat by myself. I hate that."

She tried to smile, but her lips didn't want to cooperate. She settled for a nod instead and slid into the passenger seat of Ginny's car, tucking the envelope into her purse, wishing that she had never seen it in the first place.

Though she had barely eaten anything at lunch with Ginny, Hermione still wasn't hungry when the time to eat dinner rolled around. Having arrived home first, not that it was any surprise given how things were going. She had intended to go up to her room and shut herself in for the night, but she stopped in the kitchen for a glass of water. She sat at the table while she sipped it slowly, staring at her purse where she could see the corner of the envelope sticking out.

Just as her arm started to move towards it, she heard the front door open signaling James had returned. Her arm dropped back down, resting on the top of her stomach, the bump now finally protruding out enough to do so. He did a double take at the sight of her at the table and paused, turning to face her. She never looked up; her eyes unable to move away from the envelope.

"Hermione?" he asked, taking a step towards her.

She was out of her chair in the blink of an eye, plucking the envelope from her purse a moment later. She swallowed hard and moved towards him, avoiding his gaze all the while. "It's a boy," she whispered, her voice hoarse as she gently pressed the envelope to his chest.

She waited until his hand came up to take the envelope, but the moment it was gone from beneath her fingers, she took her leave, going upstairs to her room like she had wanted to in the first place.

Friday, 23 October 2020; nineteen weeks

The rest of the week had felt like an entire year had passed instead of the days between Monday and Friday. Each day was harder than the next; the dread for the upcoming meeting at the adoption agency making it impossible to function. The closer it came, the more she panicked. Her reasons for wanting the adoption were still true, but having learned the gender of the life growing inside of her changed things.

She already knew that James was only on board with the adoption because it was what she wanted. That he didn't want to do anything to make her life more difficult. But she had seen the change in him too since Monday; could tell that he had seen the sonograms despite having seen them on the table when she went to the kitchen next. The tell was in his eyes whenever she caught his gaze. In the way he would avoid his gaze quicker than before.

How one night she had woken to the sound of a door being opened and realized it was the one to Harry's old room across the hall.

She sat beside James in the conference room at the adoption agency. Theo and Draco sat directly across from them with Katie at the head of the table. There was a copy of the contract in front of each of them as Katie went through it, page by page.

Hermione heard none of what was being said. All she could do was stare down at the contract while her hands pressed against her stomach and she gnawed on her bottom lip until the taste of copper coated her tongue. All she could think about was the sonogram she had presented them at the beginning of the meeting. Of the little boy in the photo, the same one that kicked beneath her hands no matter where they rested on her stomach.

The more Katie talked, the more her mind wandered.

Would he play lacrosse like his father? Like his brother? Would he need glasses like Harry? Would he take after her or James in looks? If so, would he look like Harry did as he grew up? Would he take after her when it came to a love of learning or would he be a wild child always doing the opposite of what he was told?

She nearly jumped out of her chair when James' hand landed on her forearm. It took a moment for her to realize where she was and that everyone was staring at her. She tore her gaze away from James, taking in the knowing look Draco and Theo exchanged with one another before turning sad eyes her way.

"I'm sorry," she heard herself whisper a moment before she slid her chair back so she could get to her feet. "I'm so sorry."

"Miss Granger-" Katie started

"I can't do this," she said, tears streaming down her cheeks as she Draco and Theo both gave her solemn nods. "I'm so sorry," she repeated before taking off from the room.

She went as fast as she could manage without tripping over herself, stopping only when she reached the elevator. She jabbed at the button repeatedly, knowing it wouldn't actually make it appear faster. When the doors did open, she kept her head down as the other passenger stepped out. She pressed the button for the ground floor the moment she stepped inside and then held the close door button. Just before the doors closed, James was there.

One moment he was pushing the emergency stop button and the next he was pulling her into his embrace and holding her up when her own body refused to do it for her. More I'm sorry's fell from her lips, though she wasn't sure if they were coherent or not. But all he did was hold her tighter and assure her that it was okay; that it was all going to be okay.

And when she pulled herself together a few minutes later, he pushed the button again; the pair of them ignoring the stares as they stepped out of the elevator and into the parking lot. As he drove off, she was glad that he had been able to pick her up from work and that she had taken the rest of the day off. She could worry about her car later.

When they arrived home, he took her hand in his before leading her to the couch. He left her side long enough to get her a glass of water, setting it on the coffee table after she took only a sip. It was only a few seconds later that she found herself being drawn into his lap after he sat down too. She clung to him, glad that this time, her tears were silent as she tried to figure out what came next.

A/N: For those of you that are in my FB group, you've seen why I haven't posted the last two chapters. For those of you that aren't in there, I woke up Thursday morning to my father telling me my grandmother didn't have long. So we spent the day packing and that night, we were on the road. I spent 36 hours on the road driving from Arizona to Florida and within a few hours of getting there, she passed on. We made it just in time to say goodbye.

So I thank everyone for the kind words and the love/support during this hard time. I'll update when I can, but most likely I'm going to be taking a short break to spend time with family on my "vacation." I love you all!