After Christian and I had declared our likeness for one another, nothing much really changed. I don't think he understood the weight of those words just yet and so we just continued on as usual.
Best friends.
The rest of the year passed quickly, and I got A's and B's in all my subjects apart from maths. I scraped a C and my dad told me I'd need to work harder to get into a good college. Mom glared at him and he shut up about it.
Brody hadn't given me any more gifts, but he had been much friendlier. He'd always make an excuse to sit by me or tell me how pretty my hair was. Christian had become frosty with him which I thought was dramatic. I started to wonder why he even cared that Brody liked me. I'd assured him that I only had eyes for him but that was months ago, and he still hadn't done anything. He hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend. He hadn't even asked me out on a date. I started to wonder whether he even liked me that way or if he just didn't understand what he said back then.
I thought things would change that Valentine's Day. That we'd be like Kate and Elliot or Adam and Millie. Millie has started hanging round with us more and more. She was really nice and it was good to have a girl to talk to. She told me that her and Adam kissed on the lips frequently. And properly too. Like full on making out. Kate and Elliot did it all the time too. Everyone knew about their passionate kisses.
As I watched them, I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. Christian hadn't so much as tried to kiss my cheek again.
During summer break, grandma Addie made through on her promise and she came down to stay for two whole weeks. Dad wasn't thrilled. Mom told me that the two had never really seen eye to eye. One afternoon, Addie took me out shopping for some back to school clothes. We went to the expensive stores, since she was rich. Dad said Addie had swindled her ex-husband out of all his money which mom had chastised him for.
Addie was trying on sunglasses and I couldn't help but admire her. She was thin and looked barely older than my mom. She had curly wild brown hair that she always wore down with pins in to keep the top half out of her face. She liked red lipstick and always wore a golden locket around her neck. She smelled like perfume and roses and chewing gum. She wore jeans and high heels and carried her Chanel purse everywhere she went. If I was half as cool as her when I was a grandma, I'd be happy.
"Come on now little bird," she said. That was her nickname for me because apparently I used to peck at my food like one when I was little.
"What we thinking?" She said, looping her arm through mine. "Jeans? Dresses? Skirts?"
We picked out a bunch of all three. Addie never mentioned the length of any dresses or skirts, she just said she thought they would look lovely with my toned legs. Afterwards, she took me into a fancy underwear store called Victoria's Secret. I'd heard some of the cheerleaders talk about it before and I was embarrassed when we walked in. Addie was unfazed.
"You're going into seventh grade," she said, as we walked over to the bras. "You'll be a teenager soon. We have to get you some proper underwear."
I didn't know what mine was if not proper.
I had my first bra fitting that day and it was humiliating. I barely even had boobs, but Addie assured me I'd grow into them. She bought me a satin blue lacy one with matching briefs and two push up bra's. Even the smallest sizes were too big, but I had to admit they were beautiful. I felt so grown up.
Afterwards we stopped for mango smoothies and she asked me about my friends and any boys I liked. I told her about Christian.
"I need to meet this Christian," she said, sipping her drink. "Make sure he's treating my little bird right."
"He's the best," I assured her.
"Has he kissed you?" She asked with a wink.
I flushed scarlet and shook my head. I was embarrassed to say that he hadn't.
"We've only kissed on the cheek," I said. "But that rarely happens. Everyone else is kissing properly."
She smiled and squeezed my hand.
"It will happen soon," she said. "If you want my advice, I'd say to do it when he's least expecting it."
"Shouldn't he kiss me first?" I asked. All the girls constantly said boys should make the first move...
Adam had to Millie and I know Elliot did with Kate.
She withdrew her hand and scoffed, leaning back.
"Oh, that's nonsense," she insisted. "It's the twenty first century and girls have just as much rights. You, little bird, are my granddaughter. You are beautiful and strong, and you don't need anybody to take control. You take control. Show him you're an independent girl who knows what she wants okay?"
I nodded and absorbed her words. She was right. I could be strong. She smiled satisfactorily and stood up to go. "That's my little bird. Come on now, let's go and buy you some makeup."
At Sephora, grandma Addie and I went full out. We had a blast and I left the store with pink glossy lips, long black lashes and black winged eyeliner.
Needless to say, my parents weren't happy.
"She's only twelve mom," I heard my own mom saying.
"When I was twelve, I wore high heels and had two boyfriends," Addie said airily, and I couldn't help but laugh.
She gave me a wink in response.
I had tears in my eyes when it was time for her to go. She was the best grandma ever and whenever she was around, I felt confident and ready to take on the world. She slipped me a fifty dollar note and told me she'd see me very soon.
On the first day of school, I picked out my outfit. I went with the new denim skirt I'd gotten and a pretty pale pink cami. I slipped on my white converse and wore my little hoops from Christian. My hair was down as always. I put on some lip-gloss and mascara. Aside from the braces, I didn't look too bad.
Dad made me breakfast before the bus came. Eggs and a bagel. He wished me luck and told me I was beautiful and that he was proud of me. It meant a lot coming from him and I was happy to hear it.
When the bus came, I stood up straight and flicked back my hair. Grandma Addie was right. I was strong. Independent. This was the year Christian would finally stop treating me as just a best friend.
I'd make sure of it.
He was seated at the back in our usual seats. His hair had grown longer over the summer and he had a tan from his vacation. He was laughing at some dumb joke Jose was making. I spotted Brody and Adam next to them. Millie was sat in Adam's lap. There were a few others I didn't recognise; amidst them Kate and Holly.
Things felt strange. Elliot and his friends were starting high school today which was a few miles away from our middle school. They'd be on a different bus and it was weird that we would no longer be with them. I assumed the kids at the back were the new eighth graders.
Kate was wearing super tight jeans and really big gold hoops. She had her hair in a high messy bun which matched Holly's almost perfectly. Holly had a full face of makeup on and even bigger earrings than Kate. But it was her chest I noticed. In a tight tank top, I noticed that she had boobs. Actual boobs. So did Kate. All the boys were looking at them, including Christian. I felt a wave of jealousy run through me. Along with inadequacy. They looked like teenagers and I pretty much looked the same. They'd grown boobs and had brown golden tans and huge earrings. I was still flat chested and pale. Christian turned and waved me over, a smile on his face. I sat down next to him reluctantly.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
I nodded.
For the rest of the ride, I stared out the window as I felt my confidence slipping away. I suddenly felt like a fish out of water and I hated the feeling. I hated Holly. I hated Kate. I hated the boys for speaking to them just because they were pretty.
Our first class was math and I struggled to keep up. I hated math. We had a test which would determine the groups we'd be put in for the rest of the year. Christian glanced over at my answers and then looked toward the teacher. Mr Grate was busy on his computer and without saying anything, he took my sheet from me and started crossing out some of my answers and replacing them with the correct ones. I didn't know whether to feel embarrassed or grateful. I suppose it ended up being a mixture of both. He passed it back quickly and I offered him a small smile.
Needless to say, I passed with flying colours.
At lunch, Kate and Holly sat with us since they'd lost the company of their eighth-grade cheerleaders to high school. Millie was in band, so she often spent time with her friends in the music rooms at lunch. Kate tried making small talk with me, but I wasn't having any of it. When she told me that she liked my skirt, I ignored her.
The boys went to play football and Christian almost went too but I glared at him. He sat back down and said he'd join in another time. There was no way he was going to leave me with them two. The rest of lunch was super awkward. Kate wouldn't catch my eye and Holly was chatting animatedly to Christian. He didn't answer her in detail, but he was still speaking to her. When she made a joke and he actually laughed, I stood up and barged from the cafeteria. I knew it was childish as soon as I did it.
Outside, the air was cool. It wasn't particularly a warm day and the wind was threatening to make my eyes tear. I felt Christian behind me a moment later. I only noticed now that he was taller than me. A good few inches. He'd grown. He was looking at Holly's boobs and he'd laughed at her pathetic joke. He was different...
But when I turned around to face him, he still looked the same. His eyes held the same bewildered expression. He was still tentative in his approach. I remembered how he'd just corrected my entire math test. Things were so confusing, and I didn't like it. I just wanted it to be him and me again. Away from the rest of the world in our tree house.
"I'm sorry," he said.
He sat down on the steps below us and I sat next to him. It wasn't his fault. Not really. He was a boy; sometimes he didn't understand the way girls could be. He couldn't see what Holly was trying to do. How she was trying to humiliate me by capturing his attention.
"I don't like her Ana," he said. "I was just...my mom always told me not to be rude to girls."
My heart melted a little at that, but I didn't show him. My face was still stern.
"You were looking at her boobs," I told him instead. What was his excuse for that?
When I looked at him, his face was scarlet.
"I wasn't," he denied. We both knew he was lying.
"I don't like Holly or her boobs," he said defiantly.
The indignant look on his face made me want to laugh. He moved closer to me and I could smell his lovely scent. I think he was wearing aftershave. I was about to reply but he cut me off.
When he kissed me on the lips, I wasn't expecting it at all.
It wasn't a big kiss or anything. A peck really. It was over after two seconds, but they felt nice against my own. Pillowy and warm. Firm and unsure. When he pulled back, he was red, but I leaned forward and kissed him again.
The PE teacher, Miss Evans, broke us up.
"Hey! No kissing at school!" She shouted and we broke apart instantly, red faced and both trying not to laugh.
We walked to our next class together but this time, Christian was holding my hand.