I'm sorry for the short delay - I had some bad mental health days which needed to be sorted.

Hereafter

Chapter 17.

November 12th, 2018

Bella

I woke up feeling… off.

For the first time in a long time, I woke up thinking about only one thing.

Food.

The constant, aching pain in my stomach was what woke me up in the first place, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get rid of it. I thought about what we had in the kitchen, what I could eat, and for once I didn't feel sick at the thought. I imagine it is how a drug addict feels - they need to get their fix, and until that happens, they cannot think about anything else.

The time on my phone said 4:48AM, which meant that Charlie wouldn't be awake for at least another two hours and I don't think he would hear the ringing of my bell. Edward was asleep, like always, on the couch downstairs, so he couldn't help me either. My only options were to either wait it out until one of them woke up, or attempt to get to the kitchen myself. Luna was in my room, but she was too small to help me with my stability, however Nora was downstairs with Edward, so maybe she could help me?

It was the greatest surprise when I woke up the other morning to see that Edward had arrived late the night before. He had never told me that he was coming to see me, but he had sent me a text message at midnight saying that he was here. My tears were uncontrollable, especially when I saw that he had brought Nora with him. I was scared that she wouldn't remember me, but that didn't last long. The dog has barely left my side since they arrived, and has even taught Luna a thing or two. I mean, I don't know that for sure, but whenever Nora would put her head on my lap like always, Luna would be quick to follow and curl up beside me. My two protectors.

Edward was quick to brush off my question when I asked him why he was here, and why he had brought Nora with him. He simply said that I needed them both, and wanted to surprise me. I had a feeling there was more to it than that, but for now I'm trying my best to enjoy every minute I have with them. He also didn't say how long they were staying for, but that we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Okay, enough about that. I need food, and I couldn't wait any longer.

I slipped my legs over the side of the bed and, in turn, pulled my bed socks off in order for my feet to have a bit more grip on the flooring. Before I stood up I thought to myself, is this a safe thing to do? Sure, I can get myself from room to room now, but stairs are still out of the question. Even with Charlie holding on to me and with the banister for support. However I was determined to do this - I wanted to prove to myself and to Charlie and Edward that I could manage this. I am stronger than they may realize.

"Luna…" I whispered as she jumped from her bed. "…Watch me." As trained, Luna gave me her full attention. She knew not to take her eyes off of me until I told her so, and if I moved, she moved too. It constantly amazed me how quickly she learnt all of her new words and commands - she had many more to learn, and it was going to take a long time, but it was still impressive to watch.

With both hands braced on my bed, I took a deep breath before pushing myself up into a standing position. It was five steps from my bed to the door, and then from the door to the staircase it was another seven steps. I ran my hand along the wall as I took each step, and whenever I felt slightly off balance I would stop, regain my posture, and then continue my journey. I've felt the strength in my muscles improve, but I knew that until I put more weight on, it wasn't going to get much better just yet.

I reached the stairs and quickly grabbed hold of the banister. I stared at the wooden steps before me and it almost seemed as though they were growing longer and longer. My whole body shook and if I wasn't holding onto the banister, I no doubt would have fallen to the floor. Luna stood at my side and peered up at me almost as if she was asking what I was doing. I didn't quite know what I was doing, but I knew that I needed to do this.

Slowly, slowly, I lifted my right foot barely off the floor before placing it down onto the first step, and then followed on with the left. I've taken the first step - I can do this.

I copied the movement, and everything was going well… until I reached the fourth step.

I don't know what it was, whether I had lost my balance, or had pushed myself too far, but before I knew it my foot slipped over the front of the step and it all happened too quickly for me to catch myself. My legs buckled underneath me as I fell and my back smacked off the bridge of the stairs as I went down them. I don't know how far I fell, but what I did know was that it hurt - it hurt really badly.

Luna, in a panic, rubbed her head against mine and licked my cheeks. I didn't know what to do, or how to get help. I didn't want anyone to be mad at me, but I had come too far, and the only thing I could do was get help and face the consequences later. Thankfully the noise must have woken Nora up because she was very quick to join Luna at my side. She nudged her muzzle underneath my arm in order for me to hook my arm around her board neck and grab a hold of her collar. As the dog stepped back, I sat up. "Thank you… Nora." I whispered, breathlessly. I was sitting up, but I still had to stand, and I knew I couldn't do that by myself.

"Nora… get… Edward." With a weak arm I pointed in direction of the living room. Nora must have understood what I was saying. As she ran off to get Edward I could tell that Luna wanted to follow behind her, but because she was still in the 'watch me' command, she patiently stood in place and offered me her comfort in any way that she could.

Oh God, what have I done?

My back hurts so badly.

I should have waited, or woken someone up. How did the need for food lead me into doing something so stupid?

"Bella?" The horror in Edward's voice was clear as day. "What are you doing? Are you okay?"

"…Edward." I couldn't hold back the tears. They were a result of both my stupidity and the pain that radiated my entire body.

"Can you stand, Sweetheart?" Edward crouched down and looped my arm around his shoulders in order to take all of my weight. "I'm going to stand now, okay? One… two… three…"

Edward didn't rush, but soon I was standing with both concerned dogs at our feet. It was funny to see the size difference between the two of them, however it wouldn't be long before Luna matched Nora in height and build.

"Are you okay to walk? Or would you like me to carry you?" Edward rubbed my back soothingly and kept a tight hold onto my hand.

"I… I can walk…"

Once we got to the bottom of the stairs I told Edward that I wanted to go to the kitchen. I just about screamed out in rejoice when I found a seat, and was close to crying again. It was definitely a learning curve and I knew not to challenge the stairs again for a while.

"Are you okay?"

I could have hidden the fact that I was in pain, but I knew that Edward wouldn't believe me. "…My back hurts."

Edward thought over his words for a second before responding. "Am I okay to have a look?" I thought it was very sweet that he asked me for my permission, and as much as I didn't want him to see my bare, bony back, I trusted him not to judge me, and I knew that it was needed. After I accepted, Edward crossed around the table to my seat. "I'm going to lift your shirt up now, okay? If you need me to stop, please tell me."

Goosebumps covered my skin the second my shirt was lifted and it was exposed to the chill of the morning. Gently Edward scanned over my back with his fingers, but never applied too much pressure. "Okay," he sighed, lowering my shirt back down again. "It's a bit red and will probably bruise, but you should be alright. Let me know if the pain gets worse though, yeah?"

Now that I was in the kitchen and in the safety of Edward, I ended Luna's command and both dogs played around on the floor and enjoyed their freedom. It was clear to me, from the way that Edward slumped in his seat and rubbed his eyes constantly, that he needed the sleep he was robbed of. "I'm… sorry." My lips quivered. I hadn't achieved anything positive. I had failed again.

"What were you doing, Bella? You know the stairs are too much for you right now."

"I was hungry…"

The innocence in my voice made Edward smile sadly. "Why didn't you wake us up?"

Because I don't want to constantly be a burden who can't do anything for herself. I'm stronger than this and I want to prove it.

"…I don't know." Is all I said. It was easier to brush it off as nothing.

"Well you said you're hungry, yeah? I'll make you some oatmeal." Sometimes it was best to change the subject and let the previous one disappear.

"Can I have… a big bowl?"

"Of course you can!" I liked seeing Edward smile. It made me happy.

0-0

I ended up having two bowls of oatmeal and a bowl of strawberries, but it still was not enough to satisfy my hunger. Once Charlie had woken up, and gotten over the shock of finding me in the kitchen, he made some bacon for himself, and a rasher for me too. Edward filled him in on everything that had happened that morning, and apart from being concerned, Charlie was not annoyed with me in the slightest.

"You've always been stubborn, Bells. I should have known this was going to happen sooner or later."

They kept a close eye on my back, but they were satisfied that it was only bruised when it hadn't hindered my movement in any way.

Once breakfast had been cleared up, and showers had, Edward offered to take the dogs on their first walk of the day. Luna didn't have training today, so it was good for her to get outside and let off some energy. I was told by her trainer that once Luna is fully qualified and a registered service dog she would only be allowed two handlers - one being myself. I'm not entirely sure why, but I think it has something to do with distraction and making sure that she isn't confused with who she is working with. When her harness is on and she is 'working' nothing is allowed to distract her, but for now it's okay if she is handled by Edward as well.

"Hey, Bells." Charlie found me in the living room shortly after Edward had left with the dogs. I was curled up on my side of the couch as always. "I was wanting to run something past you…" His hesitation did not leave me with the best feeling, and I think Charlie caught onto that, because he was quick to continue his sentence. "It's nothing to worry about. It's about Thanksgiving."

I noted the date on my phone - November 12th - and only after Charlie had mentioned it did I realize how soon that holiday was. It hadn't even crossed my mind. "Oh…" We never did much for Thanksgiving. We used to spend it with my grandmother before she died, and sometimes Charlie's friend, Billy, and his son would join us for dinner, but nothing is ever set in stone.

"Edward was wondering if we would like to join him for it, but I want you to be the one who decides."

I barely had to think about my answer. Of course I wanted him with us. "I… would like that." It meant that he would be coming back here, which always gets a 'yes' from me.

"Now," Charlie adjusted his posture as he sat on the arm of the couch. "Just so you are aware it will probably be Edward and his family…"

That would cause a problem - our kitchen table only held three seats. Any more than three people and we need to eat in the living room. "They won't… fit here."

Ooh. Now I get it.

"It'll be in Oregon, Bells. We'll join his family in Oregon."

That is a long drive… and a lot of people who I haven't met yet…

"Who?" I asked.

Charlie shrugged. "He just said his immediate family - so I'm assuming parents and siblings."

His parents - Carlisle and… Esme? Is that his mother's name? Then his sister, Alice and her husband (whose name I had also forgotten). Of course Emmett and Rose, and I don't think he had any more siblings, so it would only be four other people who I'd need to meet. I could do that, right?

"Luna, too?"

"Of course."

I'd have Luna and Nora to protect me, so maybe I can do this? That can be my way of showing my bravery. I also miss Emmett and Rose, so it would be nice to see them again. I wonder how their baby is getting on… it won't be long before she's born…

"I don't need an answer just yet, but give it some thought and let me know."

0-0

I still felt off that afternoon. I wasn't sure whether it was the hunger, or something else, but I definitely didn't feel right. Angela was coming for another session with me, so I made a mental note to bring it up.

When she arrived for our session I was in the middle of my second bowl of soup, and I had asked Edward to join me this time. He had met Angela before, so it was no surprise to her. He never said anything when he sat with me, but he would hold my hand if things got too much. Luna wore her harness for these sessions, to help her realize that it was time to work, and sat in the 'watch me' command.

"What soup are you having today?" She asked with a smile and took her regular seat in front of me.

"…Chicken." I drank the last spoonful before handing the bowl over to Edward in order for him to place it on the table.

"I love chicken soup."

"I'm… hungry."

After hearing my question, Angela opened up her pad of paper and began to scribble something down. "That's excellent. Would you say you are hungrier than normal?"

I nodded. "I… can't… stop eating… today."

"Okay, and can you tell me what you have eaten today?"

I thought about the list, but knew that that sentence would have been far too long for me to say, so I glanced towards Edward to tell Angela himself. Two large bowls of oatmeal, half a tub of strawberries, a rasher of bacon and two bowls of chicken soup. All before three o'clock. Something definitely wasn't right with me.

"First off, I think it is wonderful that you have your appetite back, and what you are experiencing today is extreme hunger -."

"Ex-Extreme…"

Was it really as simple as that?

"Extreme hunger is very common in recovering anorexics." Angela must have noticed the shocked look on my face. She sat forward in her seat. "Now I'm not saying that you have an eating disorder, however because you have experienced sudden, severe weight loss, some of the side effects will be the same. Extreme hunger is as simple as it sounds - no matter how much you eat, it will never satisfy you. Chances are you will wake up tomorrow morning and feel completely 'normal'."

If that's normal, then why do I still feel off?

Why do I still have this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach?

"Please may I ask a question?" Edward broke the silence. I nodded with a smile, and with a frown between his eyebrows, he looked towards Angela and asked: "On days like today, or in general, what should Bella be eating? Just so we're all aware."

"As long as you have a healthy mix of nutritional foods you can essentially eat whatever you'd like to, Bella. However I am not a doctor, so if you have any concerns or queries then I would suggest discussing this with a professional."

Angela pulled out a planner from her bag and flipped through the pages in thought. "How are your food fears coming along?" She asked me.

All of a sudden the barrier between my head and my mouth appeared again, resulting in me having to write down my answers. I never knew when that was going to happen, or why it happens, but I had to accept it. No matter how hard I tried, a couldn't even mutter a single word.

I still cannot eat my fear foods, and I still rely on oatmeal, soup and mashed potatoes.

"Okay…" She muttered as she read my words. "I think it would be best for you to try and include new dishes into your diet. In order for you to gain weight efficiently you'll need to consume at least three-thousand to five-thousand calories a day. How would you feel about starting a meal planner? Perhaps that way you could prepare yourself mentally for the foods you'll be having the next day."

Three to five-thousand sounded like far too much food for me. I never thought I would have to eat so much in order to get stronger. Am I really that bad?

"You can do that, Bella, right?" Edward squeezed my hand to break me from my thoughts.

I nodded hesitantly. I would agree for now, but I couldn't keep my promise.

"In that case," Angela took a name card from her planner and placed it down onto the table next to my soup bowl. "I will get in contact with my friend who is more experienced in this field of work. You don't have to meet her or talk to her, but if you would like that help then I can replay everything to you."

I didn't like the new feelings that raced throughout my body. My legs began to tremor, and the vibration caused Luna to put one paw over my feet. Without thinking I lifted my puppy up to my lap and rubbed my cheeks against her fur. I was scared, confused, angry… every negative emotion.

"Luna has come on so well with her training." Angela praised. "She just stopped a panic attack before it became known to you."

I don't think Luna realized how much she helped me, or how she would save me later on in the future.

0-0

Edward.

After Bella's meeting with Angela I could sense the negative turn she had taken. She barely spoke a word and made sure that both dogs were beside her at all times. We had made a promise to Angela that we would work on a meal plan, but for now her mental state was more important. Charlie had offered to take Nora on her evening walk, because I did it this morning, however it was easier said than done when it came to taking her away from Bella.

"Bells," Charlie dropped down to be the same height as his daughter. "Nora needs to go for her walk. We'll be back before you know it. Plus you have Luna and Edward here to look after you."

"No…"

"It's not fair to keep a dog this size inside all day. You know that."

I hated watching her lips tremble. As her tears fell she took her hand away from Nora and quickly put that hand around Luna as a way to keep her security blanket close. I wish I knew what was wrong and what I could have done to help her. It must have been something big because she had never reacted this way the last few days when it came to Nora's evening walk.

"What's wrong, Sweetheart?" I asked once Charlie had left through the front door. Bella shook her head, either because she couldn't answer, or she didn't want to. "Would you prefer to write it down?" I held out the paper and pen. With a feeble hand Bella took the stationery off me and wrote:

I don't know what is wrong. Something doesn't feel right.

"Is that why you didn't want Nora to leave?" She nodded, her head still close to Luna. "You are perfectly safe. Look…" I stood from the couch and made sure that Bella could see me at the front door from where she sat. "Charlie locked it behind him. You see that?"

Edward, something isn't right. Was scribbled down on the paper when I returned.

"What isn't right? Can you tell me exactly how you feel?"

Scared. Unsure. Vulnerable. In danger.

Unfortunately that was how she felt every day, so it didn't give me anything else to work on. The only thing I could do was comfort her and reassure her. I held Bella's quivering body in my arms and placed a gentle kiss onto the side of her head. Even though she had a blanket wrapped around her, I could still feel the cold that seemed to pour off her. "Sweetheart, you're freezing. Would you like me to get you a hoodie from upstairs? You'll feel better when you warm up."

Bella nodded her head as more tears fell. "I'll be two minutes, okay? You'll be absolutely fine."

In my head I planned to get her a hoodie, perhaps some more food, and then Nora and Charlie will be back and we can settle Bella down properly for the night. If she still felt scared when it came for her to go to bed I would have Nora sleep upstairs. Whatever it took to make her feel better.

However, that wasn't how things were going to play out. I had barely stepped into her room before a blood-curdling scream came from downstairs, followed by the high-pitched yaps from Luna.

"Edward! Edward!"

I grabbed the sweater that was draped over the end of her bed and ran downstairs to see what was going on. I must have been out of the room for no more than a minute. I couldn't understand how everything could go so wrong in that time.

Bella was found in her original position, staring at the living room door with wide, blood-shot eyes. "Edward." She cried. Luna had been let down to the floor - she stood between the couch and the door. "J-J-James… r-right… th-there!" Bella pointed a shaking hand in my direction.

With a frown, I made a three-sixty circle. "Nobody is here, Sweetheart. It was all in your imagination."

"Edward…"

I closed the distance between us. "Bella, I would have seen them if anyone was there." The downstairs of this house only had the living room and kitchen. The front door was locked, and the living room only had one way in and out of it. I certainly would have seen something, or at least heard something!

I had witnessed hundreds of Bella's visions and trances, yet this one had spiked the biggest reaction. I didn't want to admit that she was telling the truth, but an uneasy feeling quickly filled my body. Luna's barks also didn't sit well with me, however she may have barked because Bella screamed. That is what I was telling myself anyway.

"I'll go and take a look, okay?" As I left the room Luna followed me instead of staying with Bella. That movement alone caused my heart to race. I was on the phone to Charlie before I had made it to the kitchen.

A cold breeze reached me first, followed by the sight of the back door.

Wide open.

0-0

I'm not going to say anything… I'm sorry.