Open Letter to you:
So. Here we are again.
I'm sure your tired of reading these as I'm so tired of writing them but I can't do it guys. There has been so much going on in my private life that writing has become my obsession and my torture. It hurts to write and I'm slowly starting to hate it which, unfortunately, reflects on my stories. It's not the direction I want either of my stories to go and I know that if I publish chapters of When You Love Someone or Coffee Shop I would regret it when I'm better. For example right now where Coffee Shop is I made Alec and Bella break up and When You Love someone I made Alec kill Bella. So…..not what I wanted, not what I promised and it's not the kind of work I would be proud of publishing.
From the time of losing my baby I have been depressed, anxious, and not the person I would have been proud of a month ago when I had chapters written and posted.
So what does this mean?
Well for starters, it means that even though I'm taking a hiatus it doesn't mean I'm abandoning my stories. I will not abandon anything however it does mean that I will be taking time to better myself and better my mental health. I'm not in a good place right now in my life and my work will reflect that. The FanFiction community has been so welcoming and so warm and just so good to me over the years that abandoning my stories would not be an option for me. In my time away I will be writing more and (hopefully) finish these projects in completion and start posting regularly again as well as work on other projects that I've been meaning to start without the pressure of a deadline. I hope you will not be too disappointed in me or my work and I wish I could offer more to you then an apology.
I'm sorry for not being strong enough to finish what I had started and I'm sorry for not being able to stay and move on. For anyone who has miscarried, it can be extremely painful and just…I don't even know how to describe it. I will return though and I will finish. I promise with all my heart I will finish.
I don't want to set a permanent return date but I do want to start posting again by December of this year so at the time of this letter December of 2020. It could be sooner or it could be later but unfortunately for you and me, I'm just really unsure of when that would be.
So, I guess, in conclusion, I'm not okay. At all. But I will be. I will be okay again. I will be happy again. I will even be ready to try and have another baby again. But that's not now. And that's okay. It's okay to not be okay and it's okay to step back and reflect and to self-care whatever that means to you. For me it means taking a break from deadlines, falling in love with writing again and my characters again, going to therapy, talking with my fiancé, reconnecting with my family, and commenting and reading all of your amazing stories.
Which shout out to Tracking Love by VeldanTwilight, it's Bella and Dimitri it's good; go check it out. She also has an Alec and Bella story coming which I am so excited about, I mean I may not have the serotonin to write but I can read and I can't wait for that.
Also To Love a Phoenix by Simaril its one of my obsessions right now. Bella and Carlisle and let me tell you the sexual tension and the mystery is just amazing. Especially the mystery so yeah it's great.
Captain Beauty has become one of my favorites by kittycatDc, again super good, it's Once Upon a Time, Hook, and Belle which honestly in an AU I can see it. It's good like it could rival the tv show good.
So go check out their wonderful stories, they are amazing authors and I hope that you can forgive me for backing out, yet again. I don't want to have the reputation of being an unreliable author however I'm afraid that's what I'm being known for and that's the last thing I want but I just want y'all to know that I love every single one of you who reads, and subscribes and comments and those who tell their friends and read on guest accounts and that you love these characters and these stories as much as I do.
I will be back. This is not the end. I love you.
~Jules