A/N: No featured characters today, just more familiar faces. This chapter took longer than I thought to make and it's also probably one of the longer chapter's in the story. I hope it was worth the wait.
It had been an hour since Ivy escaped the trap Scarecrow and Hazard put them in and she did not feel well. Selina had taken Ivy back to her apartment to gather their thoughts and formulate a plan to save Magpie and Harley. Currently Ivy was in Selina's bathroom which, like the rest of her apartment, smelled like cat fur. It wasn't pleasant to Ivy, she much preferred things smelling like flowers. She doused her face in cold water from the sink and tried to calm down. Typically Ivy preferred not to show any emotion but right now she was panicking more than she ever had before. Her mind was playing out scenarios of what could possibly be happening to Harley right then and none were pleasant.
"Keep it together, Pam…" Ivy stared at her own reflection. "Harley can handle herself… You are going to go back there and make them regret doing this."
She turned off the water in the sink and left the bathroom, exiting into Selina's living room. Her apartment was small and humble. She could afford a large house in the nice part of town if she wanted but quite simply she didn't want to draw too much attention to herself.
Ivy saw Selina on the couch, writing something down on a notepad. On the couch, two of Selina's cats were nuzzled up against her. Selina had changed into her black, leather Catwoman uniform after arriving at the house. She was gearing up for something big. Similarly, Ivy had clothed herself in her leafy green leotard.
"Alright Selina, do you have any plans?" Ivy asked as she approached Selina.
"I'm putting together a list of people who might be able to help us." Selina looked at her notepad, jotting something down. "Harley's mentioned some of these people." She held the notepad up to Ivy's view.
"Hmm…" Ivy scanned over the list with her eyes. "Calendar Man, Mad Hatter, Mr Freeze, the old Ventriloquist… Not ideal but I suppose they'll work. Trickster? Do we even know where he is?"
"Not where, no." Selina shook her head. "He could be anywhere. But I made a call to an old buddy of his, Mirror Master, while you were in the bathroom. And he gave me Trickser's cell number. Let's see where he is… I'm gonna give him a call and put him on speakerphone."
Selina picked up her landline and dialed a number into it. After waiting for a couple moments, she heard someone picking up on the other end.
"Hello there… Is this James Jesse?" Selina put on a bit of a voice, trying to sound extra seductive.
"Um, maybe. Who's asking?" Trickster's voice replied from the other end.
"A friend… My name's Selina Kyle." Selina kept up the voice, hoping to make him feel secure.
"Dammit Selina, we don't have time for your seductress act." Ivy sighed, sitting down beside her.
"Who was that?" Trickster sounded even more confused than before.
"Poison Ivy, remember me?" Ivy said, her tone dead serious and straight to the point.
"Ivy? Oh hey, how's it going? Is Harley there too?" Trickster's tone changed to a much more relaxed one.
"No she fucking isn't. That's why we're calling. She's been kidnapped and we need all the help we can find to get her back." Ivy explained.
"Jeez, that's not good. I'd love to help, Harley was good to me. But I can't help, I'm all the way in LA right now."
"Why the hell are you in Los Angeles?"
"Hollywood, baby! I'm staying with an old friend of mine, Daniel Cassidy. Well actually he doesn't like me too much. But I like him."
"Hey James, focus." Selina snapped her fingers to keep his attention. "Harley's in trouble and we need help."
"I'd love to help her, believe me. Harley's an amazing girl. But I can't help you from the opposite end of the country. Good luck though!"
"Understandable. Well, good luck James." Selina hung up the phone and glanced back to Ivy. "Alright, let's get to the car."
"Where are we going next?" Ivy asked.
"We're gonna make some more calls in the car and gather up as many helpers as we can. Then we're gonna bring the fight over to Scarecrow." Selina explained, getting up from the chair.
"Alright, let's stop by my place first though." Ivy nodded and followed after Selina. "I need to pick up some clothes for Harley and Magpie."
"Good idea." Selina looked over her shoulder at Ivy. "Okay, we're gathering supplies and gathering allies. Let's go."
"I just hope that Harley's okay…" Ivy sighed, following alongside Selina as she left her apartment.
Harley had stopped paying attention to the world for a little while now. Ignoring everything helped her cope with the rather hard to deal with situation she'd been put in. She knew she was tied down to a wheelchair and in a room with nice furniture with several people around her but the specifics of everything were not quite there for her.
She was brought back into reality when she heard someone snapping their fingers in front of her face. Looking up, Harley saw Hazard standing in front of her.
"Hey Quinn, are you feeling alright?" Hazard asked.
"Fuck no…" Harley shook her head.
"Ah, great! I see the muscle relaxant finally wore off!" Hazard cheered.
Harley looked around to get a better view of where exactly she was. It appeared she was in what could only be described as Scarecrow's personal study. There were a few bookcases around the room, a nice carpet on the floor, and a comfortable looking chair in front of her. Seated in that chair was Scarecrow himself.
She looked around the rather large room and it seemed that Hazard and Scarecrow weren't the only ones in the room with her. Some were sitting while others were standing. She recognized a lot of them. There were the Mad Hatter's two right hand men Tweedledee and Tweedledum, the Great White Shark's partner in crime Humpty Dumpty and the brand new Ventriloquist Peyton RIley and her puppet Scarface. Finally, leaning on the back of Scarecrow's chair, was the Joker. Harley's ex boyfriend and current enemy.
"What the hell do ya want from me? If yer gonna kill me just get it over with." Harley sighed.
"I don't kill people." Hazard shook her head. "Those guys…" She looked over at her associates. "They kill people, but I don't."
"We tried talkin' her into it." Scareface turned his little head over to Harley. "She wouldn't budge though. There's nothin' more annoying than a crook with a conscience."
"Now Scarface, Ms. Sharpe was very nice to us. Even when you threatened to blow her head off." Peyton smiled. "Let's just go along with it."
"Can someone explain things to me!" Harley snapped. "I just wanted to have a nice spa day! Not be kidnapped by you assholes!"
"Fair enough." Hazard nodded. She turned around and walked over to Scarecrow's chair. "We're having Dr. Crane here psycho-analyze you."
"We're going to dig into the deepest recesses of your mind." Scarecrow continued. "Find out what makes you tick. And then we'll use it to destroy you emotionally."
"Really? Bring it on. If I could survive livin' with that schmuck, I can survive whatever you got." Harley casually pointed over to the Joker.
"Aww, thanks at lot Harls." Joker chuckled.
"Shaddup!" Harley yelled.
"Hmmm… Possible anger issues…" Scarecrow mumbled to himself. "I'll have to remember that."
"Alright everyone, here's how this works!" Hazard turned around and looked at her associates. "Crane is the teacher, Quinzel is the patient and we are the students. Scarecrow here will lead the questioning, Harley will respond and we can ask any additional questions. We'll be recording this session. Isn't that fun?"
"Recording it? What is that good for?" Harley asked.
"So we can show everyone what a pathetic little woman you are." Joker chuckled.
"Fuck all of you." Harley shook her head, glaring at all the faces in the room. "Go on, hit me with yer best shot Crane."
"Of course…" Scarecrow glanced behind him, over at Humpty Dumpty. "Mr. Dumpler, put on some music. Might lighten the mood."
"Oh, yes Mr. Scarecrow." Humpty nodded and turned around and found a collection of vinyl records in the corner, beginning to thumb through them.
"Now then… Harleen, let's start with your childhood." Scarecrow tented his fingers and stared across the room at Harley. "You were born in New York, correct?"
"Yeah, what's it to ya?" Harley nodded.
"What was it like for you growing up?" Scarecrow asked, keeping his voice at the same disturbing level of calmness. "Were you a happy child?"
"Uh, yeah, I guess." Harley nodded. "I mean, my dad was a crook and my mom had a smoking problem. But I didn't know about either til I was older. My brother cared about me too. He's a bit of a deadbeat these days, tried to start a band. Didn't go well. I guess I still love them."
"And what do they think of you now? Now that you've thrown your old life away to become a criminal." Scarecrow continued, nodding a little bit.
"Oh, that's real rich comin' from you! Yer just as big a crook as me, wise guy!" Harley snapped.
"Argumentative, I see?" Scarecrow chuckled.
"Answer the goddamn question." Tweedledum spoke up.
Harley pursed her lips and glared at him. "I… I try to keep in touch with my family. My mom's nice to me… She's got a soft spot for me I guess. Haven't talked to my dad or brother in years. I follow 'em on social media though. I haven't seen 'em in a long time."
"Very interesting. Some believe that all future behaviour can be determined by our upbringing." Scarecrow said. "Do you have any unpleasant memories from that time?"
"Sometimes I got worried about the guys from work my dad would have over at the house. They seemed scary. They were with the mob so I was right to be afraid."
"This is shaping up to be a very interesting session, Ms. Quinzel." Scarecrow looked over at Hazard. "Fetch me a notepad, would you? I'd like to make notes on Harleen."
"Can I leave now?" Harley asked, hope in her eyes.
"Not yet. I still have lots of plans for you…"
In another part of town, Selina and Ivy had been driving for quite a while at far above the speed limit. They took Selina's red convertible over to Ivy's apartment already and picked up some clothes for Harley and Magpie as well as some supplies. They had a list of people they needed to meet up with and right now they were planning on visiting the Mad Hatter.
They tracked down his last known hideout and parked outside before entering through a side door. The Mad Hatter was known for being somewhat erratic with his behaviour so they proceeded through his hideout with extreme caution.
"I really don't want to be asking him for help…" Ivy sighed. "Do you have any idea what he's like?"
"Yeah, more or less." Selina nodded. "I've ran into him a few times. Not really a fan. But we're kinda short on allies right now. Harley pissed off a lot of people and right now Mad Hatter is one of the only people who sort of like her. Well, not counting us of course."
"We're not blondes so hopefully he doesn't go all Alice-crazy on us." Ivy rolled her eyes. "Although if he starts calling you Cheshire Cat and me the Queen of Hearts I'm out of here."
The two of them reached the end of the hall and pushed through a set of double doors, leading to a mostly empty room with a large long table in the centre with a large amount of chairs placed around it. The only person seated at the table was the Mad Hatter but there seemed to be a variety of props around the table including a toy pull-along caterpillar, a sea turtle bath toy and a variety of chess pieces. Also on the table was a large variety of teacups and teapots as well as plates with bread, butter, jam and other foods. A mouse scurrying around on the table made these foods a lot less appetizing.
"Jesus Christ, do you really live like this?" Ivy sighed, looking around at the depressing conditions of Mad Hatter's abode.
"Hmm? What? Who's there?" Mad Hatter looked around in confusion. "Alice, have you finally come to see me?"
"Afraid not." Selina shook her head, getting closer to the Mad Hatter. "Listen, we need your help."
"Catwoman? Poison Ivy? What are you girls doing here?" Hatter blinked a few times. He looked down at his teacup. "I thought I left the hallucinogens out of this pot of tea."
"We're not hallucinations, we're really here." Ivy leaned on the table. "What the hell happened to you, Jervis? I know you're a wreck most of the time, but even by your standards you look pretty pathetic."
"They all quit…" Hatter sighed. "Jenna has her carpentry business, Harriet said she wanted to spend time with family, Dee and Dum said something about a new team wanting them… So I'm all alone. Well except for the Dormouse. They'll always be here for me." He smiled, glancing at the mouse nibbling on a blueberry muffin.
"Hey, Tetch, we need you to focus." Ivy snapped her fingers in front of his face. "Right now, we need your help with something."
"What? How can I help?" Mad Hatter raised an eyebrow at them.
"Harley's in trouble and frankly we're accepting any help we can get." Selina explained. "Plus according to Ivy, you sort of owe her one."
"I certainly do." Hatter nodded. "If it wasn't for her Dee and Dum would still be controlling my gang. Alright I'm in. I'll grab some of my hats and we'll be on our way."
"We need to hurry." Ivy tapped her foot on the ground a few times. "We still have a few other stops to make before we save Harley. We need to make it to her before it's too late."
"Oh dear! We mustn't be late!" Mad Hatter nodded and got up from his chair. "Alright girls, let's go then. Wait for me in your car, I'll go grab my things!" He got up from the table and scurried away into the darkness.
"He's a weirdo but those mind control hats of his are effective." Selina turned around and beckoned for Ivy to follow her. "C'mon, let's start up the car and wait for him."
"He'd better not take too long." Ivy crossed her arms and followed after Selina. "I'm still so worried about Harley."
"She's a tough girl, she can handle whatever they throw at her." Selina reached out and held Ivy's hand in an attempt to comfort her.
"You're right… Harley's gonna be okay." Ivy nodded.
Back at the impromptu psychiatry session, Harley had become very annoyed. She wasn't a fan of being kidnapped. And even moreso, she wasn't a fan of people trying to psychoanalyze her. But at the moment she had no real choice other than sitting through the questions Scarecrow gave to her.
"I don't see where you went wrong, Harleen." Scarecrow feigned a sigh. "You were such a good girl. Good grades throughout high school, volunteered at retirement homes, you wanted to help people. Where did you go wrong? What was university like for you? Any bad experiences?"
"I got a degree in psychology." Harley calmly replied. "I was a good student, my teachers liked me."
"Probably because she gave 'em blowjobs after class." Tweedledee whispered to his cousin.
"What was that?" Harley spoke up, glaring over at Dee and Dum.
"Nothing." Tweedledee quickly said.
"Oh no, it was definitely somethin'. Go on big guy, tell everyone what you said." Harley glared at him.
"Well, err, I happened to hear a rumour that Harley here slept her way through university. Her degree is practically worthless." Tweedledee explained.
"I see…" Scarecrow turned his head from Tweedledee over to Harley. "Tell me Harley, is this true?"
"Fuck no!" Harley shook her head "I earned my degree fair 'n square. Maybe I got flirty with one of the cute professors but I never sucked anyone's dick for a better grade."
Scarecrow nodded and took a note. "I see… Do you have any memorable experiences from university that you'd like to tell us about? Anything that strikes you as psychologically significant."
"Nope, I was a serious student. I may not have been the brightest but my professors appreciated my effort."
"Speaking as a psychology professor, I simply can't imagine what having you as a student would be like."
"I choose to take that as a compliment." Harley tried to keep her face cold and emotionless as she stared down Scarecrow.
"I see…" Scarecrow nodded, taking a note before turning to the others. "Are there any questions here for Ms. Quinzel regarding her university years?"
"I do." Joker raised his hand.
"Ah jeez, what do ya want?" Harley rolled her eyes.
"If I recall correctly, you said I was the first partner you ever had." Joker got closer to Harley. "But frankly, I find that hard to believe. Go on Harls, tell them, was there a special someone for you in college?"
"Whoa, I never told ya anything like that." Harley shook her head.
"Hmmph, well, that's how I remember it." Joker shrugged. "Now answer the damn question."
"I had a boyfriend in college, his name was Guy Kopski. We never got past second base and, well, things didn't go well between me 'n him in the end. He… He died." Harley looked down at the floor.
"Ah… That must be it. The death of your first boyfriend must be at the root of your psychosis." Scarecrow nodded, jotting down some more notes. "Tell us more, Harleen."
"I don't wanna. And don't call me Harleen. My name is Harley." Harley glanced up, glaring at Scarecrow.
"Play along Harleen. Hazard will let you go when this is over." Scarecrow stared back at Harley.
"You guys are all the worst…" Harley groaned.
Despite Ivy's constant worrying, her and Selina had not reached their destination. Selina's convertible sped all across town, ignoring street signs, traffic lights and speed limits whenever she could get away with it. Mad Hatter in the back seat gripped on to the upholstery for dear life.
"Oh dear… Can we please slow down Ms. Kyle? I do believe I'm going to be very ill…" Mad Hatter whimpered.
"Hey, do not throw up in my car." Selina glanced over her shoulder at him. "We're almost at Mr. Freeze's place. Don't worry."
"Oh thank goodness… I wish I brought some tea with me." Mad Hatter sighed. "That would really calm my nerves."
Selina sighed and just kept driving before eventually coming to a stop outside an old abandoned building with an old faded sign that read Kovacs Refrigeration Company.
"Alright, this is the place." Selina opened up the driver's side door. "Let's get in there and talk to Mr. Freeze."
"Freeze isn't exactly the most cooperative." Ivy pointed out, exiting the car. "Are you sure this is a good idea."
"We'll have Jervis use one of his hats if it comes to that." Selina replied.
"I already have them ready." Mad Hatter nodded.
"Wonderful." Selina smiled as she approached the front doors to the old building. "Oh, be careful, it's probably going to get a bit chilly in here."
As soon as they entered the old factory, Ivy realized what Selina had said was a severe understatement. The cold air hitting her body made it feel like it had become winter in no time flat. Ivy regretted not wearing an outfit that covered her arms and legs like Mad Hatter and Selina had done. Furthermore the air was so cold that Ivy had to move very slowly, for fear of the leaves covering her body falling off.
"He'd better be around here somewhere…" Ivy sighed, shivering a little. "I don't like him very much."
"Well, he doesn't like us either. He doesn't really like anyone." Selina replied.
The three of them continued through the frigid factory until they entered a large open room where the walls and floor were completely coated in ice.
"I think we're getting closer." Mad Hatter whispered.
"Looks like it." Selina nodded. "Watch your step, I wouldn't want you to slip."
"Noted…" Ivy began moving even more cautiously than before.
As they continued through the cold icy room, a new pair of footsteps made itself known. The three of them came to a halt and the loud, metallic footsteps got louder. Coming out from a metal pair of doors across the room was Mr. Freeze dressed in his heavy armour.
"Who's there?" Mr. Freeze looked around. "I am not afraid to kill you."
"Victor! Hi, great to see you." Selina awkwardly smiled at Mr. Freeze.
"Catwoman? Ivy? Hatter?" Mr. Freeze looked back and forth between the three of them. "Why are you here?"
"We need help." Selina bluntly said.
"I'm not interested." Mr. Freeze shook his head and began turning around.
"Would you at least listen to us?" Selina sighed.
"No, I don't do favours." Mr. Freeze began walking away. "Right now all that matters is saving Nora."
"We need your help to save Harley!" Ivy suddenly shouted, getting Mr. Freeze to stop. "If it wasn't for her you'd still be locked up in Penguin's weird casino prison."
Mr. Freeze looked over his shoulder at the three of them and raised an eyebrow. "Harley? Yes, yes I do suppose she helped me."
"You owe it to her. Scarecrow and some bitch called Hazard are holding her hostage." Ivy explained. "We need all the help we can get. Why do you think we've got Mad Hatter with us?"
"Hey!" Hatter exclaimed, mildly offended.
Ignoring Mad Hatter, Selina took a few steps towards Mr. Freeze. "C'mon, Victor, will you help us? You'd be doing a good thing."
Mr. Freeze paused for a moment, seriously thinking about things. He gave a slight nod before responding. "Alright, I'll help. I'll gather up my equipment and meet you outside. Don't seek help from me often though. I don't make it a habit." He turned around completely again and began walking away.
Harley Quinn was beginning to get annoyed. Scarecrow had a very monotonous way of talking and by this point the classical music that was playing on the record player had begun to grate on her, now all sounding the same.
"Now, it is widely agreed that the root of your psychosis began when you began working at Arkham Asylum, is that correct?" Scarecrow spoke, looking down at his notes.
"Yeah, it is." Harley was trying to keep her responses short now. She didn't know how much longer she could stand all these questions. "I… I insisted that I interview Joker. The head of psychiatry, Dr. Leland, she told me not to. But she got overruled by Dr. Arkham himself. I felt real special."
Scarecrow took a note and continued passively nodded. "How did you feel about the Joker when you first met him?"
"Well, y'know, I guess I had a soft spot for him from the start…" Harley thought for a moment. "I read about him in the newspapers and thought he was interesting. Figured there had to be a reason a guy like him did what he did. I went into his room wanting to just interview him, get a better picture of what was in his head. But… Well, by the end of our first session I guess… I guess he'd charmed me, y'know."
"Very interesting… Things are starting to make sense." Scarecrow chuckled and glanced over at the Joker. "Tell me Joker, what were your first impressions of Ms. Quinzel?"
"She was an idiot. Still is, frankly." Joker chuckled. "I saw her as an easy mark. Someone who would be fun to mess around with. Figured I'd seduce her, make me go loony… Never expected her to come break me out. Then I just had this stupid kid hanging around my hideout like a confused kitten so I figured, why not? And I kept her around."
"Shut up… I know ya loved me. At least at one point." Harley shook her head, not wanting to make more eye contact with the Joker.
"Let's not get distracted." Scarecrow looked straight ahead of Harley. "We have so much to discuss, yes?"
"Just get it over with. You fuckers have ruined my whole day." Harley groaned. "I'm startin' to wish you would kill me."
"Careful with your word choice, Quinzel." Tweedledum chuckled. "We might just oblige you."
"I told you, no killing!" Hazard snapped, scowling over at Tweedledum. "It's so unnecessary and… And messy."
"Aww thanks, I'm glad ya care about me." Harley rolled her eyes at Hazard.
"Let's not get distracted here." Scarecrow raised his voice slightly, wanting to regain control over the room. "Harleen, tell me about you and the Joker. You were in love with him for quite a while, weren't you?"
"He was my whole world…" Harley nodded, sighing a bit. "I woulda done anything for him. Loved him more than anything else in the world. But eventually I realized he just didn't care..."
Scarecrow took down some more notes. "You really were delusional."
"Still is." Joker chuckled.
"I hate all of you so much right now…" Harley mumbled.
Selina's reckless tour of Gotham City had finally reached its last stop. She parked her convertible outside of a run down but still functional apartment building on Gotham's east side. Mr. Freeze didn't want to ride with Selina but he was following alongside her car in a large ice cream truck converted into his own personal van. He admitted it was a bit cliche but he liked it anyway.
"Alright, we're getting out here." Selina parked her car and undid her seatbelt. "From what I can tell, Calendar Man and the Ventriloquist are currently roommates here. Harley has had relatively friendly relations with them, hopefully they'll be willing to help."
"I don't think they'll be much help." Ivy sighed as she got out of the car. "Calendar Man's not the brightest and the Ventriloquist is a wreck without his puppet."
"Well, that's why I got that present for Arnold." Selina took a plastic bag out from the back seat. She glanced at Mad Hatter. "Jervis, you and Victor stay here and watch the cars. Me and Ivy are going to check on Arnold and Julian."
"Alright, we'll keep the cars safe for you." Mad Hatter nodded. "Good luck."
Ivy and Selina entered the apartment building and went up two flights of stairs until they found the apartment they were looking for.
Selina made the first move, politely knocking on the front door. "Hello, anybody home right now? Me and my friend want to talk."
After waiting for a moment the door opened and on the other side stood Julian Day, the Calendar Man. "Oh, Catwoman? Poison Ivy? Do I… Do I owe you money or something?"
"What?" Catwoman raised an eyebrow.
"Look, you're clearly here because you want something from me and whatever it is I'm not giving it to you. I barely manage to pay rent on time as is." Calendar Man groaned, beginning to shut the door.
"Hold on!" Ivy blocked Calendar Man, forcing the door to stay open. "We do need something from you, but not your money. We need help. Please, let us in. We just want to talk for now."
Calendar Man paused, clearly skeptical of the whole thing. "Alright fine, but don't try anything funny."
"No funny business Mr. Day." Selina nodded, letting herself into his apartment. "We'll get right down to business. A while back, Harley helped you out with one of your jobs. At least, that's what I hear."
"Uh, yeah, kinda." Calendar Man nodded. "I wasn't really looking for her help but she sorta just showed up and tried to help me. I was going through a phase, trying to reinvent myself. But Harley, she sort of convinced me that I was fine how I used to be. In a way I guess I'm glad she showed up that day."
"So you like Harley, yes?" Ivy asked.
"Yes, I suppose so." Calendar Man turned around to address Ivy a bit more directly. "Why do you ask?"
"Because Harley's been kidnapped." Ivy bluntly stated. "We were too but we managed to escape. Now we're rounding up help to get her back."
"Wel jeez, I can't just leave her hanging I guess." Calendar Man nodded. "Plus I haven't really got much better to do. Alright, I'm gonna go change into my costume and grab some of my weapons." He began turning around while trying to remember where he kept his things.
"Oh, Calendar Man, one more thing." Selina spoke up. "I heard Arnold Wesker, the Ventriloquist, he's been living with you. Is that true?"
"Yeah, it is." Calendar Man replied, pausing to turn around for a moment. "He's, uh, he's on the couch. I don't think he's in the mood to help though." He excused himself and entered his bedroom, preparing to get dressed.
"Do you think we should still talk to him?" Ivy whispered to Selina.
"I say we go for it." Selina nodded. "It could be worth a shot."
Ivy nodded and followed Selina towards the apartment's living room. She was still on the fence about the whole situation but Selina seemed to know what she was doing.
As soon as they entered the living room they instantly spotted Arnold lying down on the couch. He looked much worse than the last time Ivy had seen him. He wasn't wearing his jacket or tie and his white button up shirt had the sleeves rolled up. His hair, what little he had of it, was an unkempt mess and he's grown a bit of stubble that he hadn't bothered to shave.
"Hey, Arnold, you there?" Selina asked.
"Hmmm… Huh?" Arnold slowly sat up on the couch. "Oh! Did you break in here?"
"No, Julian let us in." Selina spoke softly, sensing that Arnold seemed tired. "Listen, we need help with something. Harley's been kidnapped by Scarecrow and we're trying to get her back and we're rounding up all the help we can get. We've already got Mad Hatter, Mr. Freeze and your roommate all on board."
"Oh dear…" Arnold stood up and tried to straighten out the wrinkles in his shirt. "Harley's a very sweet girl, even if her attempt to separate me from Mr. Scarface was severely misguided."
"Look, can you help us or not?" Ivy asked.
"Oh, I wish I could. I like Harley and wouldn't want anything to happen to her." Arnold got a bit closer to Selina and Ivy. "Scarface, he was always running the show. Without him I'm just a meek old man."
"I thought you might say that…" Selina reached into the plastic bag she'd been carrying around with her. "So I brought you a new friend." From the bag she took out a puppet made primarily out of orange felt wearing a little vest made of black felt. It looked like a rejected Muppet. "His name is, uh, Mr. Snoots! And he loves making friends and going on adventures. And guess what Arnold, he wants to be your best friend!"
"He does?" Arnold reached towards the puppet.
"That's right!" Selina nodded and handed the puppet over to Arnold.
"Hello Mr. Snoots, my name is Arnold." Arnold looked down at the new puppet.
"Well hey ya Arnie! It's great to meet you!" The puppet sprung to life, being manipulated by Arnold.
"So, Arnold and, err, Mr. Snoots. Would you like to help us?" Ivy asked.
"Good golly gosh! That sure sounds great!" Mr. Snoots nodded his little felt head.
"Yes, let's do it." Arnold smiled a little bit. "I just need to get my coat."
"Good, let's go." Selina nodded and turned around, motioning the others to follow. "C'mon, let's go find Harley."
Harley had no idea what was going on anymore. Her throat and lips were dry and she'd just been answering questions for what felt like hours. She wanted to escape but she was too tired to do anything. All she could do was listen to questions and answer.
"Now, Ms. Quinzel, according to your Arkham file you are listed as a sexual deviant. Do you think this is accurate?" Scarecrow asked.
"Ah shut up…" Harley mumbled.
"Please, answer the question." Scarecrow kept talking.
"Sure, whatever, I'm a weirdo." Harley groaned. "Can someone give me a glass of water? I feel like my throat's gonna turn to dust here."
"A reasonable request." Scarecrow nodded. He looked over at Humtpy Dumpty. "Mr. Dumpler, go find a glass of water."
"Oh, right away sir." Humpty Dumpty nodded. He quickly exited the room, now on a quest to find Harley a glass of water.
"Now, where were we?" Scarecrow glanced back at Harley.
"You were callin' me a sexual deviant." Harley sighed.
"Ah, yes. That's right." Scarecrow nodded. "Now, I hate to get all Freudian on you, but I think understanding your sexual behaviour could help understand the rest of you. Are you comfortable answering these questions?"
"Why not." Harley shrugged as best she could in her bindings. "It ain't like I got much else to do."
"Thank you for being so cooperative." Scarecrow nodded. "Now, for the majority of your criminal career you were in a relationship with the Joker. A man who dresses like a clown. Does him being a clown turn you on?"
"Lil bit, yeah. I mean, I usually prance around in a skintight jester costume. So yeah, I got a bit of a clown fetish." Harley nodded. She heard some rather immature snickering coming from Tweedledee and Tweedledum. A quick glare at them managed to shut the both of them up.
"Very interesting." Scarecrow took a note. "Now Harley, from what I understand, you and Ivy are currently dating, correct?"
"Uh, yeah. Me 'n Red are girlfriends." Harley nodded.
"Right. Now, do you consider yourself to be a lesbian or bisexual?"
"Is this really important?"
"It is if I want a full picture of your mind. So Harley, do you still find men appealing or are you exclusively attracted to women?"
"I dunno, I guess I still like guys. But right now Red's the only person I wanna get all romantic with me. Me 'n her, we're exclusive."
"Aww, that's kind of cute. There's nothing more wholesome in the world than romance!" Hazard cheered. "Don't worry, we'll reunite you with your gal-pal once we finish this interview. And, y'know, make you the laughingstock of the Gotham criminal underworld."
"How kind of you…" Harley rolled her eyes, at this point seriously irritated with the whole ordeal. "Is this bullshit gonna be over soon? I wanna go home and watch some reality TV tonight."
"Be patient, Harley." Scarecrow said. "All in due time."
Ivy couldn't stop fidgeting as Selina's car drew nearer and nearer to the spa that doubled as Scarecrow's secret hideout. She desperately wanted Harley back and would do anything to have her safe and in front of her.
"God, are we there yet?" Ivy asked, swivelling her head around. "It feels like we've been driving around for hours."
"Not yet Ivy. We're getting close though." Selina replied, keeping her eyes looking straight ahead. She continued down the street before pulling into a back alley and stopping the car. "Okay, here we go." She waited for a moment for Mr. Freeze's van to pull up alongside her. Nodding, mostly to herself, Selina got out of the car and her three four passenger's followed suit.
Selina turned around to address Ivy, Ventriloquist and the Mad Hatter and glanced over at Freeze's car as he exited. "Alright everyone, are you ready to go in? Now, I know we haven't had much time to prepare, but I think we can do this. We just need to get in there and hit them with everything we've got."
"Oh dear… I'm not so sure about this…" The Ventriloquist muttered to himself.
"Ah, don't worry! It'll be fun!" Mr. Snoots giggled.
"Don't worry, everything's going to be fine." Ivy said. "Just follow our lead and you can go home once we save Harley."
"Good, because I've got plans for tonight." Calendar Man crossed his arms.
"In that case bring your A-game." Ivy glared at him. "Because I'm not leaving here until I know Harley is safe and sound."
Selina went around to the back of her car and took out a suitcase. "Alright, I've got us some extra supplies. Let's move in!" She led her eclectic team around the side of the building and to the back, where she'd escaped from only hours before. Cautiously, Selina entered the building with Ivy alongside her and the others behind her. They went down a long hallway until they reached a set of doors at the end of the corridor. She turned around to look at her team, lowering her voice to a whisper. "This is the room they were keeping Harley last I checked. Let's go in ready to fight."
"Sounds good to me." Ivy nodded.
With that, Selina flung open the drawer and looked around with one clawed glove raised. But after a brief scan around the room and it seemed empty.
"Where is everyone?" Mr. Freeze asked.
"Are you sure this is the right building?" Mad Hatter looked around in confusion.
"I'm sure, it has to be." Selina nodded.
After looking around and listening for a couple moments she was able to hear some muffled yelling. "Hello! Is someone out there!"
"That's Magpie's voice!" Ivy exclaimed, running towards the source of the voice. She found a blanket covering what appeared to be the hospital bed that Magpie was strapped too. Once she pulled the sheet away her suspicions were confirmed, Magpie was indeed under the blanket and looking very annoyed.
"Finally!" Magpie shouted, breathing a sigh of relief. "Okay, now someone get these straps off."
"You don't have to tell me twice." Ivy nodded, beginning to undo the straps binding Magpie to the bed. "What the hell happened here? And where's Harley?"
"They took Harley to somewhere else in the building. As for the blanket, that Hazard girl kept having to come in here for supplies and got tired of looking at me." Magpie sat up. "Oh thank god, it feels great to be able to move again."
Selina tossed the suitcase she brought with her over to Magpie. "Here, take this. Your clothes are in there."
"Thanks." Magpie nodded, getting up from the bed with her legs feeling weak. "Uh, mind turning around while I get changed."
"Just go behind a pillar to do it." Selina motioned to a nearby pillar in the room.
"Alright fine…" Magpie awkwardly shuffled behind the pillar to go get changed into some real clothes.
While they waited for Magpie to get changed, Calendar Man approached Ivy and Selina in an attempt to talk with them. "Okay, what's the plan here? We're in the building and we need to wait for the bird-girl over there to put on some clothes. Now seems like a good time to come up with an actual plan."
"You make a good point." Ivy nodded contemplatively. "Alright, here's what we'll do, we're going to split up and search this building in teams of two. That way we cover more ground. It doesn't seem too big so if we run into any trouble just shout and we'll group up and handle it."
"Doesn't seem like the most sound plan but it'll have to do." Selina sighed.
After a few more moments, Magpie stepped out form behind the pillar with her white wig and black costume on.. "Alright everyone, I'm ready to go."
"Then let's go." Selina said, looking over at her crew. "We're going to find Harley and get the hell out of this place."
By this point in her very bizarre day, Harley had just decided to accept the situation she was in and go along with the questions being thrown at her. Hazard seemed young and inexperienced enough to follow through on her promise not to kill Harley and Scarecrow seemed professional enough to honour Hazard's wishes. This gave Harley just enough comfort to keep going. But at the same time, the other people involved in this group seemed more likely to kill her. So she was still making escape plans in the back of her head.
Scarecrow finished taking some notes on Harley and looked at her. "Harleen, can you tell me about your relationship with Ms. Isley? You're romantic partners, yes?"
"Yeah, I already told ya. Me 'n Ivy are girlfriends." Harley nodded. "We ain't really made a big deal about it or anything but it's kinda exciting."
"Would you say your relationship with Ms. Isley is healthy?" Scarecrow asked.
"Yeah, I'd say so." Harley nodded. "I mean, as healthy as a couple of supervillains can be. We support each other, make sure we feel good. More than Mistah J ever did for me."
"Ah c'mon now kiddo, we had some good times." Joker chuckled.
Harley ignored him and made an effort not to make eye contact with her ex-boyfriend. While Joker continued to glare at Harley, Scarecrow took some notes. Once he'd finished scribbling his note down he looked over his shoulders at his associates. "Anyone have questions for Harley? Please, don't be shy."
"Yeah, I do." Scarface spoke up. "For the benefit of yer, uh, psychological profile, how 'bout you describe to us what it's like for you and the plant dame in bed. And don't leave out any details."
"Mr. Scarface, you can't just ask her about that!" Peyton slapped the puppet on the back of her head. "What a woman does in private is her business."
"Now hold on there, I think Harley should tell us." Hazard spoke up. "After all, this is all to embarrass Ms. Quinn. So this should really give us some material."
"Ah jeez, do I have to?" Harley sighed.
"If you want me to release you, then yes." Hazard nodded with a smirk on her face.
"Ugh, fine." Harley groaned, throwing her head back against her wheelchair in annoyance. "Look, I'm still new to lesbian stuff. So I kinda let Ivy take the lead when we're, y'know, doin' bedroom stuff…" She grimaced and looked around. "Can I stop please? If it was just one or two of you here, I might be okay saying this stuff… But with all of you, I'm just not sure."
"Take all the time you need." Scarecrow calmly spoke.
Harley took a few deep breaths and tried to mentally prepare herself. She enjoyed sex with Ivy but had never really discussed it outside the bedroom. But before Haley could discuss any of that, she heard a door opening. Turning her head, Harley saw Selina and Calendar Man entering the room. She was confused about Calendar Man's appearance but still relieved about someone she recognized. "Kitty! You're here!"
"What the hell!" Tweedledum exclaimed.
"Hmm, there are more of you than I thought there'd be." Selina reached for the whip she kept on her hip. "I can take you all on. Especially with my help."
If her hands had been free Harley would have clapped her hands with joy. "You can take 'em Kitty! You too Calendar Guy! Show 'em who's boss!"
Hazard had not quite been prepared for this. After looking around for a moment, Hazard turned her attention to her associates. "Don't just stand there! Get them!" Not being much of a fighter herself, Hazard dove to the ground and crawled over behind Harley's chair for protection.
While Hazard chose to preserve herself, the other members of her group descended on Selina and Calendar Man. Scarecrow led the charge with Dee and Dum, the Ventriloquist and the Joker following closely behind.
Calendar Man and Selina both quickly realized that they were outnumbered and took to the defensive. Jumping to the ground, Calendar Man threw down a Christmas ornament shaped smoke bomb. Selina dove to the ground, still clutching her whip close to her.
The smoke slowed down the attackers by a little and all the commotion in the room was heard by the other members of Selina's search party. In just a matter of moments Ivy had shown up with Hatter, Freeze, Magpie and Arnold soon following.
The fighting was soon split off into quadrants. Mad Hatter approaches his former henchmen at a leisurely pace, digging around in his pockets to find something. Tweedledee and Tweedledum both drew guns on him.
"Hey boss!" Tweedledum chuckled.
"Fancy meeting you here." Tweedledee looked straight at Mad Hatter, ready to pull the trigger.
"Deever, Dumfree… I see you're still wearing those hats I gave you." Mad Hatter calmly smiled at them. "How unfortunate."
"Oh shit…" Tweedledee quickly tried taking off his hat but it was too late.
Mad Hatter took a remote out of his pocket and pressed a button on it, caused blank looks to overtake both Dee and Dum's faces. They both dropped their guns, their shoulders slouching and mouths hanging open slightly. "Now then… How about you two have a battle?"
Tweedledee and Tweedledum followed the instructions given to them. They lunged at each other and each tried to pummel the other with their fists.
While that was going on, Mr. Freeze was confronting Scarecrow. They'd both gotten close to each other but hadn't made their move yet.
"It seems we're at a bit of a stalemate, doesn't it Fries?" Scarecrow chuckled.
"What do you mean?" Mr. Freeze aimed his weapon at Scarecrow.
"Well, I have a large array of fear toxins at my disposal. But if I set off one of my gas bombs in the room it would expose my allies to it." Scarecrow calmly explained. "Similarly, if you were to fire off that gun of yours, it could very well damage some of your friends. Now, we're both men of science, Victor. Perhaps we can talk?"
"Hmm…" Mr. Freeze thought for a moment before coming up with a more pragmatic solution. He simply hit Scarecrow in the face with his freeze gun without firing it. It wasn't the most elegant solution but it worked. "No."
While Scarecrow lay on the ground, quickly losing consciousness, the two Ventriloquists and their respective puppets had encountered each other. Scarface was holding his puppet-sized Tommy gun and Mr. Snoots holding onto a handgun, both with the aid of their respective puppeteers.
"Well hey there Dummy, fancy meeting you here." Scarface glared at Arnold. "Seems that ya replaced me… Who's he?"
"Well hi there! My name's Mr. Snoots and I just wanna spread love and friendship!" Mr. Snoots cheered. "But I'm not afraid to shoot this thing if I have to."
"Ha! You can take your friendship and shove it up your ass!" Peyton laughed. "What a joke!"
"You tell 'em, Sugar!" Scarface's little head nodded. "Now Dummy, I'm gonna be nice to ya. If you and yer weird little friend get the fuck outta here, we're not gonna kill ya. Deal?"
"N- no!" Arnold shook his head. "You- You always pushed me around Mr. Scarface. But I don't have to listen to you anymore."
"So what? Are ya gonna shoot me?" Scarface chuckled. "You don't have the guts."
"Hyuk! He may not, but I do!" Mr. Snoots laughed. The orange puppet's stubby hands pulled the trigger of the handgun he was holding.
Peyton tried to react but she wasn't fast enough. The bullet shot Scarface through the head and by proxy Peyton through her hand. She screamed out in pain and the puppet fell off her hand, his lavender suit now stained crimson.
"Scarface!" Peyton yelled, more concerned about her puppet than the fact that her right hand was bleeding. "Don't worry baby, I can fix you…" Quickly picking up the broken puppet, Peyton began scurrying out of the room.
While Peyton and Scarface fled the scene, Magpie and Selina were teaming up to fight against the Joker. Selina had grabbed on to Joker from behind and had her arms wrapped around his neck, trying to get her whip wrapped around it. Magpie attacked him from the front, slashing at him with her clawed gloves.
Joker moved away each time Magpie made a strike but she occasionally slashed at his jacket and shirt. "Oh c'mon now birdie, try hitting me again! I know you can do it!"
"You shut up!" Magpie snarled, trying to hit him again.
With all the chaos unfolding around Harley she was actually half convinced none of it was real, that her mind had made up this scenario to make her feel better about the real one she was in. At that point she would have been fine with that being the truth. But when she saw Ivy coming up to her and beginning to help undo the straps keeping her confined to the chair she hoped what she was seeing was real.
"Red… Ya came back for me…" Harley looked up at Ivy.
"Of course I did, Harley." Ivy nodded, working on the straps on Harley's arms. "I'd never leave you behind." She worked fast and undid all the straps.
Harley tried getting to her feet but ended up stumbling forward. It was like she'd forgotten how to walk for a moment. Fortunately for her Ivy was there and caught her, holding onto her.
"Don't worry Harls, I've got you…" Ivy held onto her as Harley got to her feet.
"I'm gonna be okay…" Harley sighed, finally getting her footing.
"Ready to get outta here?" Ivy smirked at Harley.
"Just one more thing…" Harely nodded. "I wanna give Mistah J a parting gift."
Ivy chuckled and nodded in return. "Go get him, Harls."
Now giggling madly, Harley bounded across the room to the corner that Selina and Magpie were holding Joker in. Joker was so focused on shaking the other two women off he didn't even notice Harley.
"Stop messing up the suit!" Joker yelled at Magpie, attempting to push her away. "It's expensive!"
"Jeez, I don't remember ya bein' so vain, puddin'!" Harley smirked as she got closer to him.
Magpie and Selina both noticed her approach and wisely scattered away. Still laughing uncontrollably Harley barreled straight into Joker head first, headbutting his gut and causing him to stumble into a wall before falling to the floor.
"Easy there Harley, let's just talk!" Joker exclaimed, seeming uncharacteristically panicked.
"Oh, the time for talkin' was a long time ago!" Harley yelled. She was enraged and pummelled his face with her fists and scratched at him with his face. "Ain't so funny when the jokes on you! Is it?"
"Stop it!" Joker shouted, trying to push Harley away.
"Oh, now this is real funny! The big bad Joker beggin' for mercy!" Harley kept laughing.
Hazard had been cowering underneath a table the whole time. But when she saw Harley attacking Joker a panicked look came over her face. She crawled out from under the table and scrambled over to where Tweedledee and Tweedledum had knocked each other out and picked up the gun belonging to Tweedledum.
She'd never handled a gun before but she did her best to act like it. Hazard got to her feet and pointed it at Harley. "Hey, cut it out! You're hurting him!"
"Yep! That's the idea!" Harley cackled.
"Stop it!" Hazard yelled. "I- I'll shoot you!"
"Ah, no ya won't!" Harley looked over her shoulder and smirked at Hazard.
Without another thought Hazard fired off her gun twice. The first bullet hit Harley's shoulder and the second hit her lower back. She tumbled over to her side, gasping in pain.
"Ah… Fuck…" Harley didn't know how to react. This wasn't the first time she'd been shot and probably wouldn't be the last. But every time it happened it was always so hard for her to process.
Hazard screamed, surprised at herself for actually using the gun. She dropped the pistol and ran forward towards Joker. "Steve! Steve, are you okay?"
"Steve?" Harley muttered, wincing in pain and glancing up slightly.
"I'm gonna be fine… The bitch got me good…" Joker slowly started to stand up, his voice suddenly taking on a slight southern accent. It was then hat Harley noticed his supposedly natural pale face was actually makeup that she'd smeared heavily while attacking him.
"You… You ain't him…" Harley stared up at Hazard and the fake Joker.
"Afraid not darlin'." The imitation Joker shook his head. "Steven Sharpe the Fifth, at your service. When Becky here couldn't get the real Joker on board for this she had me take his place… Didn't expect you to go so crazy on me."
"You shot me…" Harley muttered.
"I'm sorry, I- I didn't mean to!" Hazard was still panicking. "Look, I can get you to a hospital and-" She didn't have a chance to finish her thought when two large roots burst out of the ground and wrapped around both Hazard and the Gambler.
"You've done quite enough!" Ivy yelled, tightening the vines around the two of them. She looked behind her at the team her and Sleina had put together. "Start the car, we're getting Harley out of here!"
"Oh, right away!" Mad Hatter nodded, quickly turning around and running off towards the door.
Ivy scooped up Harley in her arms. "Don't worry Harls… You're gonna be okay."
"Am I gonna die…" Harley muttered. "I feel like I'm gonna die."
"You're gonna be okay, let's get you to a hospital." Ivy said.
"No hospitals! I ain't gettin' arrested after all of this." Harley weakly shook her head.
Mad Hatter made it over to the door and opened it up only to find Humpy Dumpty standing on the other side with a big smile on his face and a glass of ice water in his hand.
"Good news, I found a glass of water for Ms. Harley!" Humpty's smile quickly faded when he saw that all of his associates were either missing, trapped or unconscious. "Oh dear… What happened…"
Ivy flicked her wrist, sending a vine over to Humpty Dumpty and wrapping his legs up. "You're either helping us or staying here!" She clung to Harley tightly, ignoring the blood getting on her. "We are saving Harley. I'm not going to lose her!"
"Ya won't… I'm gonna be just dandy…" Harley muttered, trying to be reassuring through all the pain.
A/N: I hate to end things on a cliffhanger but that's just how it goes sometimes. The next chapter is the penultimate chapter, so there's that to look forward to.