I waited to contact Rowena. Harvey and I were trying to make sense of WHY this person would choose to contact me now. It made no sense, but I had a flash of fear that he wanted Abi. That she was the reason for his interest. That he wanted the child that we'd created together and this was his way of starting the ball rolling to get her.

Harvey was upset that we didn't have a last name. I caught him staring at the picture more than I cared to see, but realized that the resemblance was pretty fucking striking. I didn't KNOW this John person, though, not like I knew Harvey. And, as we tiptoed around how we felt about him making contact now, I didn't want to know him.

The man I still wanted to marry didn't hesitate on that first night, after we'd read the letter and stared at the photo, to push Abi's crib into our bedroom. I could see that he was as scared that John's interest was in our baby girl too and having her close, under our watchful eyes, made both of us more comfortable. And as he held me, both of us struggling to rest, I felt happy knowing that he wasn't shying away from me. That he didn't blame me for this upheaval.

Two days, we let ourselves process for two full days. After we put Abigail in her crib and turned the monitor on so we could watch her sleep, I finally contacted not only Rowena, but Crowley and Castiel too. I wanted to know what the hell was going on, and I wanted all three of them in front of me when I found out.

They came, moments from one another, and saw the letter laying on the table beside the photo. None of them looked thrilled to see the evidence, but I did see them share an uncomfortable look.

"Anyone want to tell us what the fuck this is about?" Harvey asked, voice quiet, but also commanding. "Because I have to tell you, it's not a fucking welcome surprise."

Rowena sighed and took the chair closest to me. Taking my hand in hers, she stared into my eyes. Satisfied with whatever she saw, she kept my hand and explained. Cas was pacing, slowly, but I could see him out of the corner of my eye, and Crowley sat on the end of the couch that Harvey and I were curled on.

"The deal you made, Tali-" my eyes widened, what deal? She sighed heavily and looked to her son for support. "Right, that memory was lost as well. Let me begin at the beginning."

Harvey and I listened as the witch, a dear friend of mine, explained the life and times of Tali Sullivan and her love for a man called John Winchester. How he'd died, as a hunter, but also as a sacrifice for his son named Dean. That he'd taken up hunting after his wife had died at the hands of a demon, the same demon who I made a deal with to bring him back to life. And how, after he'd killed the demon with the help of his son Dean and another called Sam, he knew he'd doomed me for a painful final three months of life. She explained that a sibling of the demon he'd killed had possessed me, taking away nine years of my life and leaving only after the world was on the verge of ending and letting me awaken to my heavily pregnant body with no real memories of those years it had been inside of me. Mary, she explained, was given a second chance, a gift to the eldest son when he stopped the world ending. And I'd gone to my family, had Abigail, and died.

"I-we couldn't let that stand, my dear," Crowley offered, as I tried to force the memories back. "But we feared, should you be given a second chance of your own, that you'd yearn for him. That you'd-"

"Make the same mistake twice?" I whispered, trying desperately to find this John Winchester in my mind. "It was purely one sided?" That's how it sounded, that he wanted my body, but not ME. And that I'd been naive enough to fall head over heels for him.

"No," Cas finally broke in, his pacing finished for now. "It wasn't, Tali." I looked up at him and saw that he looked conflicted. A glance at Rowena and I could see her give a small nod to him. "John loved you, deeply." I started to argue but he rushed on. "He never thought he deserved you, or your sacrifice, and when he killed Azazel, the demon knowing that its death would mean your pain, he wanted nothing more than to let you go. To find happiness and peace for those nine years you lost, but when you were possessed, it wouldn't let him." He knelt in front of me and looked up with the same sad eyes he always seemed to have. "Tali, you meant a great deal to John, you still do. But you pushed him away, and then kept Abigail from him. When he saw you a few months ago-"

"What?" Harvey was staring at me like I'd kept something from him, but I honestly didn't know what Cas was talking about.

"She doesn't remember, Harvey," Rowena offered, her hand still holding mine. "It's part of the spell, if that letter and photo get removed from this house, by tomorrow she'll haven't the faintest idea that she'd ever seen it. This conversation? Gone."

"You stole them from her?" He sounded shocked, but I wanted to have the peace of not remembering back. The feeling of contentment in thinking that Abi's father was some vague shadow that was far too unimportant to recall. "And if the letter and pictures stay?"

"Then she'll keep this conversation, but the memories aren't there. Not unless she asks me to give them back." Rowena was staring at me, but I didn't want it. Not the memories, not the fear that came with them. I shook my head, but Harvey interrupted.

"Tali, sweetheart, don't be so quick to answer." He kissed my cheek. "This is Abi's dad, honey."

"No," I answered, more forcefully than I'd sounded for days. "YOU are Abi's daddy, Harvey. YOU." I handed the letter, card, envelope, and picture to Rowena. "I don't want to know him. I don't care." I felt Cas tense at my knees. "I'm sorry, but no."

They left soon after, and Harvey held me as I told him that it didn't matter. That John Winchester didn't matter. Only our future, our wedding, our family did.