Day 65
Sometimes it's terrifying how quickly things can change. The world has gone to shit, but there is so much that didn't change. Earth is still spinning; after a day, there is night. The sky is always blue, and the grass is still green. Maybe more dried out from lack of water, but nonetheless, it's still as it was before. Some people are sweet and innocent, some had to change how they look at this new world. Some became monsters, while others already were. But there is one change I'll probably never get used to. Death is still death, but now it's something we experience daily. And that scares me, because how long before we'll become too numb to cry and grieve. How long before we, ourself will become The Walking Dead?
This day started as usual. I woke up early with the sunrise and had a small breakfast at our camp. Some canned beans, anything to avoid cooking. I had my black jeans on with tank top and flannel over it. Nothing new, considering that I didn't really have any other clothes. My blonde hair was in a messy bun on the top of my head. The knives were in its place on my ribcage, and my machete was attached to the belt. The bow and quiver were in my hands; Daryl wanted to go hunting as soon as we finish with Randall. I strolled to the shed and leaned on the wall waiting for Dixon to make an appearance. With how early he usually wakes up, I expected him to be here already.
I spotted the man immediately, once he came around the corner. He was wearing his typical attire, except that his shirt once again had sleeves. On top of it, there was that winged leather vest. His hair started to get longer, on the sides nearly covering his ears. His crossbow was sitting on his shoulder. I smiled when he was near enough to see.
"I didn't know I'd see a day when Daryl Dixon is late."
"I'm not."
"Well, I'm here waiting for you. It's usually the other way around."
Daryl shrugged and stopped in front of me. "Whatever. Are we doing' it or what?"
"Yeah." I reached to my pocket and grabbed a key to open the shed. When we walked in, Randall immediately woke up, looking at us, unsure of what's about to happen.
I told Daryl to let me start it to try to establish a connection before he beats the shit out of the kid. I offered Randall a water bottle and hold it for him while he drank. In the meantime, Daryl put his weapon on a table, next to my bow and took off his vest and shirt, leaving him only in a dirty wife-beater.
"Thank you," Randall said, but he was watching the hunter, who was pacing behind me.
"Randall, my name is Elena, and that's Daryl. I got a few questions for you, and it would be best for you if you answer them truthfully," I spoke, crouching in front of him.
"Yes, Ma'am."
"Do you have any family left?" I asked him, and he looked at me with a sad smile.
"Gone, all I had was my Ma, but she was bit."
"I'm sorry to hear that. What did you do before the turn?"
"I worked at a gas station. My Ma, she was ill, before all this." I nodded at his answer and hold his eyes with mine.
"Alrighty then. Where is your group?"
"I don't know." He shook his head, looking away from me, and I furrowed my eyebrows at that. "We were just off the highway before all this happened." Strike one.
"Dave and Tony told us that you're planning on staying here, that's true?" He started to move around, not looking at my face.
"I don't know, honestly! They don't tell me much. I wasn't with them for that long." Strike two
"Hm, and how many people in your group?" I asked another question in a soft voice.
"I don't know. Ten? I guess now it's less." He still was avoiding my eyes, and I let a sigh escape my lips. Strike three.
"I'm sorry, kid. I told you to not lie to me." I stood up and sat down on a table, gesturing for Daryl to take my place. "All yours, Big Guy."
Daryl nodded and approached the kid. "How many in yur group?"
"I told you!" Randall whispered and tried to move away from the hunter. That's when the first punch was delivered to the kid's face. And then another and another.
"How many in yur group?" Daryl asked again, his voice husky and angry.
"I told you!" The boy cried out when the next hit landed on his face.
"Ya ain't told me shit."
"I barely knew those guys. I met 'em on the road."
"How many in yur group?" I watched Randall, he was shaking his head.
"It's interesting how loyal you are to the guys you barely knew. To the people that left you to be eaten alive by walkers," I commented dryly, watching Daryl. He slowly reached for his hunting knife and crept towards the other man.
"Oh. No, no, no, no." Randall was panicking now, trying to get out of hunter's way, but he was cornered. "Come on, man."
Daryl took a big swing and stabbed the floor between the kid's legs.
"I'll ask you again. How many in your group."
"Thirty, um, thirty guys."
"Where?" When he didn't answer my question, Daryl ripped off the bandage from the boy's leg.
"I don't know! I swear. We were never any place more than a night."
"Scoutin'? Plannin' on stayin' local?"
"I don't know. She's right, they left me behind. And I said they didn't tell me the plan until it happened."
"Did ya ever pick off a scab?" I tried to keep my face straight when Daryl's knife started digging into a kid's leg. Randall cried out in pain, and I made my way towards them. "Ya start very slow first."
"No, please! I'm trying to cooperate here."
"Then later, ya just gotta rip it off," Daryl growled in Randall's face. I bend down to look into the boy's eyes.
"OK. They- they- have weapons- heavy stuff. Automatics." I nodded, finally receiving truth. "But I didn't do anything."
"Ya boys shot at mah boys and mah girl, tried to take this farm. Ya just went along for the ride?" I really hoped that my face didn't show any emotions, even if every part of my body wanted to scream and dance and just pin Daryl down after he called me his. Of course, that would be stupid, because he didn't mean it like that, but crazy butterflies in my belly didn't care. "Ya, just tryin' to tell me yur innocent?"
"Yes!" Randall shouted, scared and intimidated, but not lying. "These- these people took me in. Not just guys- a - a whole group of 'em. Men and women. Uh, kids, too, just like you people." Daryl stood up, and I was the one in front of Randall now.
"And you were on the road all that time, not stopping? Not staying anywhere?" I asked him, and he shook his head.
"They wanted to find a good place. And with so many people it's not easy. I thought I'd have a better chance with them, you know?"
"How did the scouting looked like? Where they hunting in the woods?"
"Mainly scavenging, but Dave was sometimes hunting if we ran out of food. Sometimes more of us." He looked away, deep in thought, and something dark crossed his features. He was clenching his fist and licked his lips before looking at us again.
"Go on."
"One night we- we found this little campsite. A man and his two daughters. Teenagers, you know?" I was looking at him and could feel my anger rising, I had suspicions of where this story was going. "Real young, real cute. The dad had to watch while these guys, they- and they didn't even kill 'em afterward. They just - they just made him watch."
I could feel Daryl shifting behind me, and I rose my hand to let him know to not intervene. So Randall continued, looking directly at me. "His daughters- just- just left them there. But I didn't- I didn't touch those girls. I swear."
I nodded and smirked at him, moving closer to his face. "But you liked it, didn't you? To watch what they were doing." I asked in a low voice.
Randall shifted slightly and looked away from me, and I nodded, licking my lips. I stood up just to swing my body and punch him in the face. I hit him directly in the temple, making him lose consciousness. I watched him for a second with disgust and then kicked him between the legs before I spun around facing Daryl. He was as angry as I was. That was something I learned about him; in his mind, you don't touch women like that. You don't hit her, and you for sure, don't rape her.
"Let's go," I said quietly, moving to the exit.
The group, plus Maggie, was gathered around our campsite, waiting for us. Rick already made a decision, but he wanted confirmation, and now he had it.
"Yur boy, there's got a gang- thirty men." Daryl started when we approached the tents. "They got heavy artillery, and they ain't looking to make friends."
We exchanged looks before I spoke. "They roll here, we're dead. If we're lucky."
"And if not?" Lori asked, her voice shaky.
"Women would wish to be dead, and they would make the men watch. And then they'd probably kill us and take over the farm," I finished looking at Rick. We didn't have a choice. In my mind, Randall wasn't far from Tony. He might've not to rape anyone yet, but he certainly liked to watch.
"What did you do?" Carol asked, glancing at Daryl's hand.
"We had a little chat." He stated and walked away.
"Find me when you need me," I told Rick and walked after the hunter.
We moved in silence until we reached his tent, far away from the rest of the group, by the edge of a forest.
"You got any water?" I finally asked him. The only response was him getting inside the tent. I sighed and ran a hand over my face.
"Here." I looked up to see him, bottle in his outstretched hand. I grabbed it and nodded before moving towards a big rock that was nearby.
"Sit down." He mumbled something but did, as I said, lowering his crossbow to the ground first. I took out a blue rag out of my back pocket and soaked it in water. Kneeling in front of the man, I gently grabbed his left hand and started to clean it up. This one wasn't as red or bruised as the other, but still needed to be cleaned. The last thing we need right now is our hunter out of commission because he has a fucking infection.
I cleared my throat when I started working on his right hand and looked him in the eyes. Big grin finally spreading on my face.
"So- I'm yur girl, now?" I asked in the best southern drawl I could make.
"Stop. I didn't mean it like that. Ya know it." He was looking away and was blushing like a virgin.
"Uh-huh."
"Don't get any ideas in yur head, woman."
"Just saying, all you have to do is ask." I winked at him and made him chuckle uncomfortably.
"Shut up."
"Come on, you love it when I flirt with you."
"Nah, I don't." I inspected his hand for one last time and let it go when I was happy with how it looked like. His knuckles were red and bruised but didn't look broken, so there was nothing else I could do for him.
"Hm, I think that secretly you enjoy every second." I looked up, searching for his blue eyes. He finally looked into my grey ones, smirking a little. That just made me smile wider, yes he did like it even if he won't say it out loud. "Do you want to go for a hunt now?"
"Yeah, couldn't go in the morning."
"Great, let go then," I said, putting my bow once again over my shoulders.
"Wait." Daryl grabbed my hand and lifted it up. He watched it for a second before reaching for his own rag. He was concentrating on cleaning blood from my fist, by I was watching him. His blue eyes were squinting, and lips pursued in a line. His big, calloused hands were warm and gentle. Just the fact that he touched me on his own made my chest swell. I don't think Daryl realized himself, how much he grew as a person in the past few weeks.
"I could do it myself, you know?" I told him, making him look up at me. He just shrugged and finished, letting go of my hand.
I watched Daryl stand up and collect his scattered bolts when we heard footsteps. Looking over my shoulder, I spotted Dale making his way to us. Here we go, lecture for sure about beating the poor boy. The hunter beside me scowled and spoke first.
"Whole point of me coming' up here is to get away from ya people."
Dale looked at me pointedly, and I rolled my eyes. "We're going for a hunt. Is there something you need?"
"Well, it's gonna take more than moving to get away." I tensed at that answer and glanced at Daryl. Fucking hell, old man, don't give him any ideas.
"Carol send ya?"
"Carol's not the only one that's concerned about you, both of you and your new role in the group."
"Oh, man, I don't need my head shrunk. She's enough." I rose my eyebrows at Dixon once he pointed at me, so I gave him the finger. But his next words made my stomach clench. "Group's broken, man. I'm better off fendin' for myself."
I looked at Dale, hoping that he will read the warning in my eyes.
"You act like you don't care," Dale replied, and I gave a small sigh.
"It's cause I don't."
"So live or die, you don't care what happens to Randall?"
"Is that's why you here, Dale? To plead his case?" I asked the old man, but his focus was solemnly on Daryl. I just love being ignored.
"Nope," Daryl answered, getting ready to leave for the forest.
"Then why not stand with me- try to save the kid's life, if it really doesn't matter one way or the other?"
"I didn't peg ya for a desperate son of a bitch."
"Your opinion makes a difference. Both of you." Dale finally looked at me.
"Man, there ain't nobody lookin' to me for nothing."
"Elena is. And Carol." I rolled my eyes again and turned around to follow the hunter. "And- and I am, right now. And you obviously- you have Rick's ear."
"Rick just looks to Shane. Let him. He might seek El's advice, but he ain't gonna listen." I wanted to let myself smile proudly, but I subdued it. It was not the time to gloat, even if I knew that his statement was not valid. Rick doesn't trust Shane, not like he used to.
"You cared about what happened to Sophia- cared what it meant to the group."
"Dale," I said sternly. "She has nothing to do with the situation at hand. Don't bring her up to it."
"Elena, torturing people? That's not you or Daryl. You're both decent people. So is Rick. Shane is different."
"Why's that?" Asked Daryl, his voice huskier than before, I could tell that mentions of Sophia cut deep into his soul. "'Couse he killed Otis?"
Dale looked between both of us; his brows arched in surprise. "He told you that?"
"He told some story, how Otis covered him and saved his ass."
"And then he shows up with all the guns and suspiciously bold spot on his scalp," I added. I had a conversation with Daryl about what happened to Otis. The hunter was more observant than the others, and I knew he won't share my suspicions with anybody. But that gave me someone to watch the crazy officer beside myself. And now it looks like Dale had his own thoughts on the subject.
"Rick ain't stupid. He didn't figure that out, it's 'cause he didn't wanna. It's like I said- the group's broken." Daryl finished and started to walk away. I looked at Dale one last time and gave him a sad smile before following brown-haired man.
"Daryl, wait." He didn't slow down, so I jogged to him until we were walking shoulder to shoulder. "Rick knows."
"What ya mean?" He squinted his eyes at me, biting his lower lip.
"I don't know if he knows about Otis. But he's aware that Shane is dangerous. I don't agree with Dale's mission to save Randall. You heard him in the shed, you saw how he looked when he told the story." I glanced at him, anger was evident in his eyes once again, and he was holding on to the crossbow tighter than necessary.
"Then what's yur point, woman?"
"My point is that the old man was right about Rick listening to you. And me. He doesn't trust Shane. That's why he asked us to speak to the boy."
Daryl scowled and slowed down a little, shoving me forward, so I can lead the way.
"Whatever."
Standing in the living room, I looked around the room at the faces of people gathered here. All of us were here, except Carl, Beth, and Jimmy, waiting to talk about what to do with Randall. I sat in one of the chairs, by the window, having a great view of everybody.
"So how do we do this? Just take a vote?" Glenn broke the silence.
"Does it has to be unanimous?" Andrea added. All right questions and I looked to Rick, but it was Lori who replied.
"How about majority rules?"
"Well, let's- let's just see where everybody stands." Rick started saying. "Then, we can talk through the options."
"Well, the way I see it, there's only one way to move forward," Shane said first, and of course, no one was surprised where he stands on this.
"Killing him, right?" Dale spat angrily. "Then why even bother to vote? It's clear which way the wind's blowing."
"Well, if people believe we should spare him, I wanna know," Rick said, leaning his hands on one of the chairs in the middle of the room.
"Well, I can tell you it's a small group. Maybe just me and Glenn." At that, I looked over to the young man and saw him staring blankly at the floor. It was evident that he disagrees with Dale's statement.
"Look, I- I think you're pretty much right about everything all the time, but this-"
"They've got you scared." Betrayal was heard in Dale's voice as he realized that he stood there by himself, no one supporting his case.
"He's not one of us. And we've- we've lost too many people already."
"How about you?" Dale pointed at Maggie, reaching for other compassionate souls in the room. "Do you agree with this?"
She was quiet for a moment before looking at Rick. "Couldn't we continue keeping him prisoner?"
"It's just another mouth to feed." Daryl's raspy voice came from the doorway, and he started pacing. He just wanted it all to be over, one way or another, just like me.
"It may be a lean winter," Hershel added.
"We could ration better." Lori contradicted that statement.
"Well, he could be an asset." Dale kept arguing. "Give him a chance to prove himself."
"Put him to work?" Glenn offered.
"We're not letting him walk around," Rick stated, his voice not leaving any space to argue with that.
"We could put an escort on him," Maggie added, it seemed like the group was actually considering it before Shane spoke again.
"And who wanna volunteer for that duty?"
"I will." Dale didn't even hesitate.
"I don't think any of us should be walking around with this guy." Rick rose his voice slightly.
"He's right," Lori spoke softly. "I- I wouldn't feel safe unless he was tied up."
"Well, we can't exactly put chains around his ankles and sentence him to hard labor," Andrea commented, her arrogant voice made me cringe.
"Yeah, because what we discussing here, is so much better."
"Look, say we let him join us, right?" Shane was speaking again, standing straight and looking around the room. "Maybe- maybe he's helpful. Maybe he's nice. And we let our guard down. Then maybe he runs off, brings back his thirty men."
"So, the answer is to kill him to prevent a crime that he may never even attempt?" Dale spoke again, not hiding his anger and disappointment. "If we do this, we're saying there's no hope. The rule of law is dead."
"Because it is, Dale," I spoke my voice steady, and I stood up, gathering everyone's attention. "You- you didn't hear what he told us this morning. You didn't watch his face when he spoke how his buddies raped two young girls and made their daddy watch. You didn't see Randall's face when he talked about this." I looked around, and faces in the room changed. Daryl and I didn't share the specifics of our interrogation before, and now everyone was shocked. "He didn't participate, that's true. But he liked it. So no, there are no laws like there were before. Because before he would be put on a pedophile watchlist, oh, and be put in prison for attempted murder. But things changed, Dale."
"Trying to be a decent human being didn't change." The man's voice was quiet, shaken from what I said, and yet he still insisted on keeping the boy alive.
"No, but what changed is that we need to protect our people from possible threats. And news flash, walkers aren't the only ones. Humans are so much worse, always were, and I doubt that it changed now." I looked back at Rick and shook my head. "I meant what I said yesterday, Grimes. You know, where I stand, I'll wait outside."
I walked away from the group. I didn't want them to see me pushing for someone's death. I am not Shane. I don't want to kill the boy, just because. It needs to be done; otherwise, we are in trouble. Of course, we could try to get him out, far away, knock him unconscious before the drive so he can't memorize the route. Drop him off with supplies and warning to never cross our paths again. I groaned in frustration and pulled at the hairband, making my long locks spill down. I ran a hand through them and started making a braid. Too many if's and what's in the subject of Randall. That's why I left. Whatever they decide will happen, but I was tired of all the arguing and bickering. Just like Daryl said this afternoon, this group's broken, and I wasn't sure what is the right course of action to fix us.
The door behind me slammed on the wall, and Dale rushed past me. I kept my face blank, but by his angry face and fast pace, I could guess what the outcome was.
Randall was going to die.
Rick stepped out of the house, Daryl, and Shane on his heels, and they motioned at me to follow them.
I walked next to the sheriff observing his face. It seemed blank, jaw clenched, but there was sweat forming on his forehead. Only thing signaling that he was nervous and maybe still unsure if he made the right decision.
"I told you before, I can do it," I whispered to him, trying not to be overheard by other men. Randall was walking between Shane and Daryl, hands bonded behind his back.
"No, it has to be me." He replied, and I didn't argue any further. I reached the barn first and quickly opened it, letting them walk in first.
"Put him in there." Rick pointed at the spot he picked, and the boy was pulled towards it. He was looking at us frantically, fear in his eyes, shaking his head.
"It's all gonna be over soon," Shane told him while wrapping a piece of cloth over Randall's eyes.
"Wha- what's gonna be over soon?"
"Relax."
"Hey, hey. No, no, no!"
Rick pulled out his Colt and checked the bullets before slamming the cylinder back in its place. "Would you like to stand or kneel?"
"Oh, no, please." Randall was pleading, moving his head around even though he couldn't see us. Shane, obviously impatient, pushed him to the ground, so he was kneeling in front of our leader.
"Do you have any final words?"
"Oh, please." Randall was crying at this point, his breath heavy and catching in his throat. "Please, please. Don't."
Slowly, Rick pulled his arm out, gun lined up with Randall's head. Many emotions were flashing across the sheriff's face before he regained his control. Rick cocked the hammer of his Phyton, making the kid shiver and start another round of cries to spare him. I watched Rick move his finger to the trigger when I heard footsteps. Before I could act, a voice came out from the door.
"Do it, dad. Do it." Carl's voice was so sure, so confident, so unlike the boy, he should be. My eyes widened, and I looked at Daryl. He was chewing on his bottom lip and watching the sheriff for his response.
Shane walked to Carl and pushed him out of the barn. "Are you kidding me? What'd I say to you?"
Rick, clenched his jaw and his hand started to shake. I sighed at that view, and we locked eyes for a second, he was searching for something. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he pulled the gun down and shook his head.
"Take him away." He ordered, looking at Daryl and me. The hunter grabbed Randall by the back of his shirt and pulled him up. We walked at a fast pace and pushed past Shane. And let me tell you, he didn't look happy, at all.
We didn't even bother with the ropes or blinds, Daryl just shoved the boy into the shed and chained him back into the post. I secured the shed with a padlock, checking if everything is locked. When Daryl pulled the latch to confirm it's secure, we heard screams coming out of the fields. Not looking back at the man beside me, I sprinted towards the noise.
Daryl's heavy breaths followed me, and shaky light from his lantern was casting shadows in front of me. Soon the screams grew louder, but as I spotted where they came from, they changed. From scared to the cries of pain. I pushed my legs faster and launched myself at the walker that was on top of someone. I knocked it off, Daryl was quick with his hunting knife and stuck it in walker's head.
I scrambled to my feet and turned to the body on the ground.
"Oh, God, Dale," I whispered, kneeling next to him. His belly was ripped open, blood pooling on the ground. I felt my heart drop and tears started forming in my eyes, but I pushed them away. "It's going to be alright."
Daryl stood up and started waving at incoming voices, beaming them to us. I gently took Dale's hand in mine and tried to comfort him.
"Hang in there, buddy," Daryl said after the group spotted us, and he moved towards the man on the ground. They finally reached us, and I stood up, making space for Andrea and Rick.
They were talking, but the only sound I could hear was the fast beating of my heart and blood pumping in my veins. I clenched my fists and put a blank mask over my face.
Death is all around us, and sometimes there is nothing we can do to change it. But it's our choice how we deal with it. Sixty-five days ago, I made a decision, based only on a quick observation of an old man with a kind heart. I chose to join those people and him, I vouched to myself to protect them, and yet again I failed. First, when I couldn't stand with Dale regarding Randall and now because I wasn't fast enough. Maybe if I wasn't hurt a few days ago, perhaps if I didn't stop my training, I would be able to reach him on time. Maybe if I'd stop him from walking away.
All I could do is to stare at the gaping hole in his stomach, while he struggled to breathe. I noticed that the rest of the group joined us. There were fear and tears all over their faces. Hershel stood over Rick and was shaking his head, there was nothing he could do. And even if he did... walker ripped Dale open, with its nails and fingers. He was infected and would turn no matter if we'd manage to patch him up or not.
"Rick!" Hershel grabbed sheriff's shoulders, catching everyone's attention, shaking his head once more.
"No!" Everybody started to sob lauder, as it hit them, there was no way that Dale will survive. He was moaning in pain, and his breath was shaky, erratic.
"He's suffering," Andrea spoke, not looking away from the man in front of her. "Do something!"
Rick stood over our dying friend and reluctantly reached for his gun, tears covering his face as well. It was like watching a movie. I was there, but at this same time, I wasn't. I tried so hard to detach myself from the scene ahead, but when Rick visibly shook, unable to pull the trigger, some strangled noise escaped my lips. I quickly covered my mouth with a hand and watched Daryl gently grabbing the Python out of the sheriff's hand.
The hunter kneeled down beside Dale and pointed a gun at his head. Sorrow and grief visible on his face. They locked eyes, and Daryl spoke in a low, husky, full of emotional voice.
"Sorry, brother." And then he pulled the trigger, and I couldn't hold my tears anymore. Not just for Dale, but also for Daryl. I knew for a fact that it was the first time he killed another human being. And my heart arched for him and what it'll do to him. No matter the circumstances, killing is not easy, and I was scared of how it will affect the already scarred hunter.
I turned around, walking away from the scene, back to my tent. Far away from others, to cry in silence, without their prying eyes.
So, yeah. Sometimes your world can change in a matter of seconds, and there isn't anything you can do to change it, no matter how hard you try. Today was that day for us.