A/N: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters related to the franchise. That all belongs to the wonderful J.K. Rowling. I hope you enjoy the only thing I do own...the plot. Also M rating for language and possible sexually explicit scenes (really just wanted to be safe with the rating).
-TNHGTNHGTN-
The next morning Hermione woke after a fitful night sleep. For the first time in her life she had felt unprepared for an adventure and her subconscious had shown that in her nightmares which had been repeating scenes of being pinned by the boggart as she struggled for her wand, and being drug under waves by the grangleroot. After her fifth attempt at falling back asleep Hermione grabbed her wand and checked the time. Seeing it was just past half five in the morning she grabbed her school bag and took off to the library. Careful to tiptoe out of the common room after she heard the shower running, of course he was already up, she rolled her eyes as she made her way out of the portrait.
Madam Pince barely raised an eyebrow as Hermione swept into the library, a look of pure determination dawning her pale face. Not more than twenty minutes later she was set up in Rowena's Study with every book she could find that mentioned inferi, boggarts, and grangleroot. She devoured page after page, making notations, comments, and writing long pages of notes. She had to be better prepared for next time. Maybe, if she asked nicely, Nott would teach her how to cast Fiendfyre. Maybe she should start swimming in the Great Lake so she could get better at holding her breath, and learn to better focus when she had no oxygen. Maybe she could ask Nott to teach her Occlumency so boggarts couldn't penetrate her mind so easily. That last one would be hard, as she always was a victim to her emotions. Stupid Gryffindor's and their need to wear their emotions on their dang sleeves.
She huffed as she made it through her fifth book covering grangleroot and its habitats. She slammed her book and stood pacing furiously. She had failed Harry. She had failed him. She had been unprepared, and had made him save her. She was supposed to be strong enough for him to lean on. Strong enough for anyone to lean on and here she was broken, and struggling to defeat the simplest enemies. This wasn't right, and it wasn't fair. How could she have gone through so much and fought so hard just to feel so vulnerable after everything? How could she even warrant being called the Brightest Witch of her Age if she couldn't cast a simple patronus? If she couldn't remember cooling charms were needed to fight off grangleroot? If she allowed a boggart to cause her to hesitate in fear? It had been so easy at twelve to remember what Devils Snare was scared of, why was it so hard now. Because...you are broken. The malicious voice echoed in her mind causing the darkness in her soul to expand a little. Because you are not worthy to be a witch.
Hermione grabbed a vase that had sat on one of the end tables and hurled it across the room, loving the sound of the glass shattering across the stone walls. That's what she was, broken into a million tiny pieces, never able to function for the purpose you needed her for. It wasn't fair! She didn't deserve to feel like this. It was all supposed to be better. Voldemort was gone, and Bellatrix was dead and still she felt like she had to prove that she deserved to be here. Her mom and dad were gone, and Fred was gone, and Tonks was gone. The people who reminded her that she was strong and smart and brave were gone except for Harry and Ginny, and she couldn't bring herself to unleash this storm of how she was feeling on them. They needed her to be strong, so they could heal. Then, and only then, she could break. Then she could break and they would never know because she would leave so she would never be a burden, because right now a burden was all that she was. She was so distracted by her tantrum she didn't hear the door open or hear the swish of robes as a figure came up behind her.
"Granger?" That damn scent.
"Nott," She closed her eyes and took two deep breaths through her nose. Allowing the scent that was already permeated in this room to flow around her. The scent that he carried with him wherever he went.
"What's wrong?" She moved before he could get too close, moving back to the desk and gathering up her texts and stacking them. She couldnt have another breakdown in front of him. She couldn't rely on him to put her back together, she needed to show him she was strong. How could he ever grow to fancy her if he found her weak.
Weak. Pathetic. Broken.
He crossed the room behind her and grabbed one of the books. "Aquatic Pests and You?" Raising an eyebrow he grabbed another, "Boggarts: The Hidden Fear? Granger, you know we don't have to write this essay right?" He asked with a smirk before setting them back in her neat stack.
"There not for the essay, there for personal research," She said, still refusing to make eye contact with him.
"Oh," he said tilting his mouth down as he examined the books, "All over what we faced yesterday?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"It doesn't matter." She said walking towards the door. Nott caught her arm right above her elbow and turned her towards him. His blue eyes scanned her face as her breathing began to pick up. Don't break down, she thought to herself blinking back the pressure that was building behind her eyes.
"I think it does, Granger." He prodded holding tightly.
"You wont understand!" She practically yelled, ripping her arm from his grip as she tried to balance the books she had in her hand. Intending to reread them again in the privacy of her room.
"Then explain it to me!" His voice was pleading.
"I can't fail him again! I can't."
"What the bloody hell are you talking about. Fail who?"
"Harry! I failed when we got captured and taken to that blasted Manor. If I had been quicker I could have apparated us out, or stopped him from saying the taboo. I failed him when we got stuck down in Gringotts! It was my plan that didn't work! I failed him again when I didn't know it was Ravenclaw's Diadem. I failed him when I couldn't fight off the inferi. I failed him when I couldn't fight the Grangleroot off of me, he should never have swam to get me. You shouldn't have either, you could have been hurt. I couldn't even fight a boggart, something we have known how to face since third year. I was frozen in fear...what kind of Gryffindor is frozen in fear? I have to prepare. I have to be better prepared for him. He needs me to be stronger for him and I have spent half this year under the portrait of Merlin's tower, or crying in an alcove. I can't be weak anymore."
She stopped to take a breath and turned to look anywhere but Notts face. He had been staring at her with confusion the entire time she had spoken. Quiet and contemplative, stoic and observing.
"Granger," he said softly, placing a hand on her back, "It's ok that you had to rely on someone else. It's ok to rely on someone instead of feeling like you have to control every situation you are in." Hermione kept looking at the wall as he spoke, refusing to acknowledge him. Refusing to believe that even for a second she could lean on someone else.
"You saved me from the inferi, you know that? You stopped one from hitting me, and you made that wall of fire which stopped more than half of them from getting closer. Malfoy told me he and Potter couldn't bring themselves to understand why the Dark Lord was there, you pushed them out of the way. You can't help it that you lost your wand. As for the Grangleroot. I know very few people who don't panic a little while they are being drug under water with no air."
"He has relied on me for so long, I can't let him down again." She released a shaky breath before looking at Notts face. Taking in the curly waves of his dark hair as it fell onto his forehead. The soft curve of his lip as they were drawn in a line of concern. The way his brows furrowed just slightly over his cerulean eyes. "You don't understand, I-I have to be better."
"No you don't. You have suffered and you have every right to try and conquer what you have gone through on your own time. It's ok to be rescued every once in a while, and I will always be happy to be your savior." He lowered his hand from her back and dropped it back down to his side. "Don't let anyone discredit what you have gone through, or how you feel. Don't let anyone tell you that you are failing because you hesitate, or because you can't remember one fact about one creature when you have stored millions over the years." He reached up and brushed a wayward curl off of her neck, his fingers barely trailing over the skin there making her shudder as they passed.
"When you conquer this, because I know you will, we will be just as happy to be the ones that get rescued. Until then it's ok to lean on Draco and me for a little while." He looked into her eyes then. Time stopped as they stared at each other, locked away from the world and expectations that awaited her outside this room. She nodded, understanding for the first time in a long time that it was ok to be broken for a little while, especially when you had friends that could help put you back together when it was time. She watched as he reached into his bag and pulled out an orange, "You missed breakfast again." She took it with a small smile. "Potter was looking for you, something about getting a celebratory butterbeer with him. He invited us, Draco and me, to come along as well. Come on, let's go."
"O-ok." She said as she gathered her bag. She threw it over her shoulder before remembering something that made her pause, "One sec." She turned back around and cast a quick repairing spell on the glass vase and put it back on the end table it sat on. Nott walked up behind her, setting one arm on her left shoulder he raised his wand so his right arm came up beside her. Standing there, his chest nearly touching her back, she thought she could hear his breathing.
Slow and steady.
In and out.
A sharp contrast to her widely beating heart.
With a complex movement of his wand a small bouquet of blue hollyhocks filled the vase. Nott then added some water as a finishing touch.
"They're beautiful," Hermione breathed as she stared at the flowers.
"They're my favorite." He said close to her ear. Hermione raised her wand and cast a quick preservation charm. They looked at each other again, Hermione gazing slightly over her shoulder, before quickly lowering her gaze feeling the blush erupt over her cheeks.
"Come on," Nott whispered in the quiet of the study, "Malfoy and Potter are waiting downstairs near the Great Hall."
"Nott?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
"I've told you before Granger. Anytime." With that he put a warm hand on the small of her back and escorted her to the Great Hall where they were joined by their individual best friends to celebrate over a pint of butterbeers. The group chatted as they walked, discussing everything from their upcoming potions assignment, to Draco's obscenely spoiled childhood.
The group was joined by a number of other eighth years as the day dragged on. Eventually, Zabini paid for everyone to have a shot, as Hermione and Luna tried to keep everyone from getting too rowdy. Ginny and Harry snuck off to find a quiet place to celebrate in their own way, leaving Hermione, Luna, Blaise, Neville, Theo, Dean, and Draco sharing drinks.
"This isn't awkward at all," Neville smiled as he took another long drink of his butterbeer.
"Is it?" Draco asked, while throwing a chip into Blaise's waiting mouth, "I couldn't tell."
"Neville's right. This is slightly awkward, but that's because Draco has something on his mind." Luna's airy voice barely drifted over the dinn of the Three Broomsticks.
"What are you talking about?" Draco demanded.
"I wouldn't lie, she can always tell when you do." Hermione provided helpfully as she sipped her own butterbeer.
"Alright, Lovegood. I do have something on my mind, but I didn't want to say it here." Draco's face turned red as he ran his hands through his blond hair. "Can I talk to you and Dean outside for a second?"
"Sure," Luna said, standing and grabbing Dean's hand as he started to weakly protest. Hermione heard Dean mumble something under his breath as he stood before being dragged out behind Luna who followed Draco outside into the cool air.
"What was that about?" Hermione asked the table.
"I think Malfoy is going to apologize to them like he did you." Nott casually said as he motioned to the waitress for a check.
"Oh," Hermione said, eyes going wide as she stared at the door, willing herself to have x-ray vision.
"Malfoy is something else now-a-days, huh?" Neville mentioned standing from the table and stretched his long figure.
"Yeah, he really is."
"Don't let him hear you say that, Granger, it will go straight to his head." Blaise flashed Hermione a wide smile before bumping shoulders with Nott. "C'mon Nott, I can pay for this."
"You can get the next one." Nott threw down entirely too many galleons as he stood and wrapped his coat around his shoulders.
"You said that last time."
"Yeah, but this time I got to use the family vaults to pay for a muggleborn and two half-blood's drinks." Nott smiled slightly at her, letting his dimple show as he raised an eyebrow, "I honestly cannot think of a better way to spend good ol William's money, can you?"
Blaise let out a deep chuckle as he wrapped an arm around Hermione's shoulders. "Careful Granger, or he might just give you access to his vaults just to stick it to his father." Hermione let Blaise lead her out of the smokey tavern and into the dark autumn night. They saw Draco, Luna and Dean down the street. Currently Luna was giving Draco a long hug while Dean had his hand on his shoulder. "Well, at least it looks like they have forgiven him." Blaise said with a long sigh, "That's one less thing for him to feel guilty over."
"Yeah," Nott said, coming up to stand beside them, "One less thing." His voice was an odd mixture of cold and warm. Hermione could see where there was relief for his friend written clearly on his face, but she couldn't help but think that there was something she was missing buried deep under his words. She looked at him until he made eye contact with her, royal blue eyes giving nothing away. "Let's go back to the castle and warm up, yeah? They'll follow after too long." With that he started back up the winding path towards the gates of Hogwarts.