Bea has a hard time falling asleep. Once her head hits the pillow, her mind begins to wander back to that conversation with Allie. The more she thinks about it, the less she knows if telling Allie she's not attracted to her was the truth, or if she said it out of panic at having the question turned on her.
Still unable to sleep after tossing and turning for some time with the thought swirling around in her head, she does the thing that seems to work best to calm her active mind. She finds her sketchbook, deciding to finish up that drawing she plans to give to Allie. She's awake drawing for another hour, managing to finish before falling asleep.
The next morning, Bea wakes up after she feels a weight at the foot of the bed. She props herself up on an elbow, seeing Deb sitting cross-legged, eating a bowl of cereal.
"Morning."
Bea sits up fully, letting out a yawn and rubbing the sleep from her eyes, "Morning. Why are you eating on my bed?"
"Don't know, more comfortable than the table, I guess."
"At least give me a bite."
"Hands off."
Deb holds the bowl out of reach protectively, slapping Bea's hand away. She scoots further back on the bed when Bea tries to grab it again.
"But I'm so hungry. I'm withering as we speak."
"Then get up and make your own. I worked hard on this."
"Because pouring milk and cereal into a bowl is such a daunting task."
"I had to get out of bed and walk to the kitchen too."
"Oh, you poor thing. I'm so sorry you had to go through that."
"Thank you, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. How was your night? Everything you hoped for?"
"It was a lot of fun, you'll have to come along next time. Franky taught me how to bowl. Turns out I'm a natural at it. I had her beat both games."
"How'd she take it? You got a look at her competitive side, I'm guessing."
"Yeah, she accused me of lying about my abilities."
"Of course she did. How was meeting Bridget, did you like her?"
"I did, she's great. You're right, it's funny how Franky is around her."
"So you still had a good time without Allie there?"
"No, she ended up coming after all. It was nice seeing her, I'm glad she was there."
"She did? I thought she was going out with someone?"
"She was, but she canceled with them. She said something about it that stood out to me. Maybe I'm overthinking it though."
"What did she say?"
"I asked her why she didn't go, and she said she wanted to see me instead. She backtracked and said she meant Franky and Bridget too. I don't know, what do you think? Am I just putting too much thought into it?"
"I think she did want to see you instead. I think she might like you."
"I like her too."
"No, I mean like you," she adds for extra emphasis on the word.
"You think she likes me like that? That can't be it, can it?"
"I could be wrong, maybe she doesn't. I don't know if you've noticed, but at the very least, it's pretty obvious she's attracted to you. That's what it looks like to me, anyway."
"I know she is, I actually found that out last night. I asked her."
"You asked her? Why?"
"I don't know, I was just wondering why she looks at me the way she does sometimes."
"So you aren't oblivious to it."
"No, I've noticed her a few times since we met. But last night, she wasn't the most subtle about it."
"What happened last night?"
"Almost every time I bent over to pick up a ball, her head was moving my way. I thought it was a coincidence at first, but it happened a couple of times."
"It was the pants, I'm telling you they're tight. So it doesn't bother you knowing that about her?"
"Of course not. I just… I don't know what she sees in me. There's better looking women than me out there."
"I think what she sees is how beautiful you are."
"I'm not though."
"You are too. I know Dad probably made you feel like you're not, but it's true. You know how happy I am that I have most of your looks?
That's what she sees. You're red hot. That's why Franky calls you Red, by the way. It's not because of your hair."
"Seriously? She thinks I'm hot?"
"I don't know for sure. But she's checked you out once or twice, she's just a lot better than Allie at being subtle about it."
"She has? How do you notice these things?"
"I have eyes like a hawk."
"Interesting. Thanks for saying that, kiddo, you sure know how to make me feel good about myself."
"Just thought you should know. Did she say anything else?"
"She's known it since we met. And that she'll respect me just wanting to be friends. Then she turned the question on me."
"I have no doubt she'll respect that. And? What did you tell her?"
"I told her no. Because I'm not."
"You're not? It's not mutual?"
"I… no, it's not mutual."
"You hesitated."
"I did not."
"Yes, you did."
"Whatever. What would even make you think I am?"
"No need to get defensive."
"I'm not being defensive."
"You so are. Come on, Mom. You can't say that she's the only one doing the looking. I mean, I guess I don't blame you, Allie's really pretty."
"So I see that she's good looking, it's not that big of a deal."
"I didn't say it is."
"And that's where it ends. It's nothing more than that."
"You're lying."
"No, I'm not."
"You always flare your nostrils when you lie."
Bea lies back down with a heavy sigh, pulling the blanket up and covering her face with it to hide her red cheeks.
"You are, aren't you?
Bea folds the blanket down just enough to uncover her head, looking up to the ceiling, "I don't know what I am anymore. I told her no, and I've been telling myself I'm not, but…"
"But what?"
"I was thinking about it a lot before I went to bed last night. And the more I think about it, I don't know if that's true. Deb, I think I actually might be. What should I do?" She picks her head up to see what Deb has to say.
"Why are you asking me? I don't have any experience with this."
"I don't have anyone else. And I'm not about to ask Allie for advice. Could you imagine how awkward that conversation would be?"
"You could ask Maxine, she usually gives good advice."
"I could. But maybe you can give me some for right now."
"Just do what you want to. Tell Allie or don't, it's up to you. I hope that helps."
"For now, I'm just going to sit on it. I'm really not ready for that. And I'm not totally sure what I'm feeling."
"So, besides Allie checking you out, did anything else interesting happen?"
"A few things."
"Such as?"
"I got hit on."
"You did? Do tell."
"Her name was Jen. I guess she had been looking at me all night, but I didn't notice. Allie did though and she pointed her out to me. We were sitting there when she came up to me."
"What did she say?"
"She thought I was the most beautiful woman in the place. She asked if she could give me her number, and she wanted to get a drink sometime."
"See, I told you you are. What did you say?"
"I froze up, I didn't know what to say. That's never happened to me before. Luckily Allie saw, and she bailed me out."
"How?"
"Acted like we were together. She just put her hand on my shoulder and called me babe."
"Smart."
"She said she's had to do it with Franky on occasion."
"You got home pretty late."
"I went with Allie to grab a bite to eat. She took me to the best pizza place, you'll have to try it."
They spend some time talking, with Bea filling her in on everything after she and Allie left the bowling alley. She tells of all the things she saw and the things Allie told her.
"She said what? Her finger?"
"It was so funny now that I think about it. I've never heard her talk like that."
"How did the guy react?"
"He just laughed."
"It sounds like she took you on quite the adventure."
"She sure did. It was a nice change of pace."
"Good. So, I wanted to ask you something."
"What is it?"
"Well, I've been talking to Brayden more, and he asked if I want to go on a date, next weekend. He wants to go to dinner and a movie. Can I go?"
"Do I get to meet him? I promise to play nice."
"Yeah."
"You can go. Oh, your first date. My little girl, you're growing up."
"I've been grown since like fifteen. Don't get all emotional on me, please."
"I'm not. Where is he taking you?"
"I don't know yet. He wanted me to make sure I can go first."
"So, this boy, does he know about your dad? Did you tell him anything?"
"He does know, but I didn't tell him any details. I just said he wasn't all that good to you, and he's not in the picture anymore. He was understanding about it."
"That's good. What about his parents, are you going to meet them?"
"He's only got one parent, and she's in prison."
"Really? Did he say what for?"
"No, and I didn't ask. I didn't think it was any of my business. I know he goes to visit her sometimes."
"Hm. And what about his dad? He passed away I'm guessing?"
"When he was little. He was in an accident at work."
A dead dad and a mom in prison. That's rough, Bea thinks to herself.
"Does he have any other family?"
"He has an uncle. Well, he's not really his uncle, but he's a good friend of the family. He lives with him."
"So, do you like him?"
"I like him a lot. He's really nice to me."
The next ten minutes are spent with Deb telling Bea all about this boy and how they met. It makes Bea so happy to see the way she smiles when he's the subject of their conversation.
Bea is trying to convince Deb to give her a bite of cereal, listing all the reasons why she should, number one being that she gave her the gift of life, when her phone rings.
Deb finds it and hands it over, "It's Allie."
"Hello," Bea answers in the middle of a yawn.
"Sorry, were you still sleeping? I can call back later."
"You're fine, I'm awake. What are you up to?"
"I was calling to see if you can take me over to get my car. Franky can't, and I need to go to the shelter this morning to help Kaz with a few things."
If Bea's honest, the last thing she wants to do is leave her bed right now. She's quite comfortable and feeling a bit lazy today.
"Do you mind if Deb does it? I just woke up a little bit ago and I'm not all that ready to get out of bed yet."
"Don't want to see me?"
"Not bad enough to get out of bed."
"I'll remember you saying that. You can send Deb, that's fine. Can it be soon? I need to be at the shelter in about an hour."
"Sure. She'll be on her way in five."
"Great, thank you. Tell her coffee and donuts are on me."
Bea ends the call, she sees Deb eyeing her suspiciously.
"What are you volunteering me for?"
"Allie needs a ride to her car. It's still at the bowling alley, I gave her a ride home last night. That's where you come in."
"Do I have to? I don't feel like going anywhere. Besides, she called you first."
"You see the beauty of having kids? You get to delegate all the things you don't want to do. She said she'll buy you coffee and a donut, does that sweeten the deal?"
"Uh, yeah it does. Why didn't you lead with that?"
"Before you go, will you give this to Allie when you see her?"
Bea takes her sketchbook off of the pillow next to her. She carefully tears out a page before handing it to Deb.
"You drew her another one?"
"Yeah. She really liked the last one, and said if I ever feel like drawing her another, to go ahead."
"It looks great, she'll like it."
Deb neatly folds it in half, making sure not to crinkle it too much. She stands up from the bed, "Guess I should get going. Here, hold this. You can have breakfast in bed."
She takes her bowl and places it carefully on Bea's chest before Bea has a chance to get her arms out from underneath the blanket.
Bea glares at her, "Deb, it's still full of milk."
"So this is what delegating feels like," she winks as she heads out the door.
"Come back here, you little terror. I swear, if this spills…"
"What? I can't hear you, I'm getting further away," she replies, her voice getting quieter. Bea hears the jingle of car keys and the sound of the front door shutting.
She manages to get her good arm out from the blanket, holding the bowl steady while she sits up again. Her stomach growls again, she shrugs, and decides to finish the bowl off.
About fifteen minutes later, Deb pulls up in front of Allie's house. She honks the horn twice to announce her arrival, Allie walks out and heads for the car not a minute after that.
"Morning."
"Morning, Deb, thanks for the ride."
"You're welcome."
Deb waits for her to get in the car and buckle her seatbelt before giving her the drawing.
"Here, this is for you."
"Ooh, a present?"
"From Mom. A drawing."
Allie takes the page, smiling brightly at the picture she sees of her and Bea when she unfolds it.
"Aww, I love it. How is she so talented?"
"I have no idea. There's no way I could draw like she does."
"Me neither. I don't have a single artistic bone in my body. I need to get another frame for this."
"You're going to hang it up?"
"Yeah, just like the other one she gave me. Is that weird?"
"No, not at all. It's nice that you like them so much."
"I really do. As promised, how about we go get that coffee?"
"And donut."
"Right, that too. You know that coffee shop on Main? Let's go there. There's this hot barista that I'm trying my luck with."
"Oh yeah?"
"I wish. She stopped working there," Allie sighs, sounding genuinely bummed.
"The one that got away?" Deb asks, looking over her shoulder to back out of the driveway.
"Something like that. I guess I'll just be forever alone now."
"I doubt that. You'll find someone eventually. You might not even have to search that hard."
"What do you mean?"
"Um, I just mean you won't have to look very hard because you're such a catch."
Deb mentally slaps herself, almost accidentally spilling the beans on her conversation with Bea earlier. Luckily, Allie doesn't press further.
"Oh. You think so?"
"I do. You're a great person, and you're drop-dead gorgeous on top of that. Any girl would be lucky to have you."
"You're so sweet," Allie gushes at the high praise. "That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Thank you."
"No thanks needed, Allie."
Allie sends Bea a quick message before she forgets to thank her.
Thank you for the picture, I love it. Keep the drawings coming, I want a whole wall of them in my room.
Glad to hear it. A whole wall could take me a while though.
You better get started then. Luckily for you, I'm a pretty patient person.
I'll see what I can do. By the way, I hope you know it's not that I didn't want to see you, I just wasn't ready to face the day yet. Sorry if I came off as rude.
Just don't let it happen again. Seriously though, no need to apologize. I get the same way. You know, if you ever want me to leave you alone for a bit, just say the word. I'm told I can be a touch overbearing sometimes. And I know I have you on your phone more often than not.
I don't see it that way, I don't think you're overbearing at all. I really don't mind being on my phone, I'm happy you want to talk to me so much.
What can I say, you're good for conversation. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to provide your daughter with a healthy dose of caffeine and sugar. Talk soon.
On their drive, Deb sees Allie out of the corner of her eye still looking at the drawing.
"You really like that one, huh?"
"How could you tell? I know it's just a sketch, but I'm glad she cares to give them to me. I've never gotten something so personal."
"You're the first person she's given them to, other than me."
"I am?"
"Yeah. My dad, she drew him a picture once. She spent a lot of time on it but all he could say was it was a waste of time. She was hurt. After that, she stopped showing them to people very much. Even me."
"That's a shame, I can't imagine putting someone down for doing something they enjoy. Your dad, he really wasn't a nice person, was he?"
"And the understatement of the year award goes to Allie Novak."
"I figured calling him an asshole in front of you would be impolite."
"Screw being polite, that's exactly what he was. I don't get it, he was nice to me, and he was nice to other women. But Mom, I still don't understand why he was so cruel to her. She never did anything to him, it's like he hated her just for existing."
"There's just people in this world with hate in their heart, and they take it out on other people. Even the innocent ones, unfortunately. She deserved so much better than that."
"She sure did. But on the bright side, she doesn't have to worry about him anymore."
"True that, she can live her life now. She gets to do what she wants when she wants, with whoever she wants."
Deb makes it to the coffee shop after a short drive. Allie still has some time to kill, they decide to go inside instead of using the drive-through. Deb finds them a seat and Allie gets her order before heading up to the counter.
"What do you want?"
"Caramel macchiato and a chocolate donut, cream filled. That's my favorite."
"Me too. I want to get something for your mom, what does she like?"
"Just a regular glazed."
"How does she take her coffee?"
"Black."
"She's a bit plain-Jane, I see."
Allie comes back with their coffee and donuts. She drops them by the table then takes a quick trip to the bathroom. She's back just in time to witness Deb eating half of her donut in one huge bite.
"Jesus, no one's going to take it from you," Allie laughs, sitting back down and taking a much more reasonable bite of her own.
Deb simply shrugs, washing it down with a large gulp of coffee and wiping her mouth with a napkin, "Can't be too careful."
She takes another bite, significantly smaller than the first, "Thanks for taking Mom out last night. She said she had a nice time. She told me all about it."
"I had a good time too, it was nice to see her having fun."
"And not to get all mushy, but I really do appreciate everything you've done for her. You're so nice to her, and you treat her how she deserves to be."
"Well, Bea's a wonderful person. I would never treat her any less than that."
"I'm sure you wouldn't."
"And you, you're pretty wonderful too."
"Thanks."
"It's not just one-sided either. I'd say she treats me pretty well too. Not a lot of people showed me the same respect she has after learning about my old life.
The fact that she didn't judge me for any of it, and still wanted to be my friend, that means more to me than I think she knows."
"I think she does know. You know something, when I first met Franky, she said she couldn't ask for a better friend than you. I think she's right. I couldn't ask for better for me or for Mom."
Allie feels herself getting a little choked up at such kind words coming from Deb. She refuses to let even a single tear fall though.
"Thanks, Deb, you're just full of compliments for me today. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside now."
"That's what I was going for. Just want you to know you're appreciated."
"I definitely feel appreciated. And just for that, you get a hug."
"I'd rather not."
"Too bad, should've thought about that before you got all mushy. Now come here."
Allie stands up and steps to Deb's side of the table.
"People are watching."
"So? Just a quick hug."
Deb stands up, quickly hugging her before trying to squirm away. Allie holds onto her tightly, Deb manages to get out of her grasp after quite the struggle.
"Okay, that's enough. You're lucky I like you."
"You do? It sure doesn't seem like it, you won't even hug me in public."
Deb rolls her eyes, "Whatever. In case you have any doubts, I like you a lot, and Mom likes you a lot."
"I like her too. She's a good friend to me."
They take a break from conversing to drink their coffee and people-watch, something they both enjoy. They make a game of trying to guess what other customers in the coffee shop are saying by reading their lips, coming up with some ridiculous sentences.
"Hey, Allie?"
"What's up?"
"I was wondering, do you think you and Mom will be friends for a long time?"
"If all goes well, I think we will be. I sure hope so, anyway. Why do you ask?"
"Well, I was just thinking about next year when I leave for school. I'm kind of worried about going, I don't want her to be alone.
I'm really all she's got, I'm her only family. I just want to know that someone's going to be there for her when I'm not around, you know what I mean?"
"I get it, and it's really sweet that you're worried about her like that. But she won't be alone, you know.
She's got me and Franky to hang out with now. I promise to keep her company while you're gone, if she's not sick of me by then."
"Thanks for that. By the way, I really doubt she would get sick of you."
"I hope not. So… how's the boyfriend doing?"
"He's not my boyfriend. But…"
"But?"
"He wants to go on a date."
"Really? Good for you, Deb. Do I get to meet him? I gotta know that he's good enough for you"
"I suppose you can."
"What about Franky? You know she's gonna feel left out."
"God, no. She'll scare the crap out of him. I'll let her meet him another time."
Two days later, Bea's back at work. She let Maxine know over the weekend that she'll take over managing the salon while she's gone. With her first bout of treatments coming up soon, Maxine spent this morning showing Bea just what it takes to run such a successful salon.
The salon wasn't very busy, giving Maxine plenty of time to go over what she wanted to. When lunchtime rolls around, she and Bea go to a restaurant they frequent.
"Can I get your advice on something?" She asks about the time they finish eating.
"Absolutely. What about?"
"You know my friend, Allie? It's about her. I talked to Deb, but I think I want another opinion."
"I'll see if I can help. So, what is it? Did something happen?"
"Nothing bad. So, I guess to start, she's gay."
"I've never known you to have a problem with that."
"That's not what I'm getting at. I don't have a problem with it. The thing is, I see her looking at me a lot."
Maxine simply nods, showing that she's paying full attention and urging Bea to continue.
"I went bowling with her and some other friends over the weekend, and I caught her looking my way a bit more than usual. We got to talking later on then I asked her if she's attracted to me or something. I was curious, you know? She said she is."
"And you aren't sure how to feel about it?"
"That's part of it. That, and she flipped the question on me."
"You said no."
"I said no."
"But you don't know if that's really how you feel?"
"Right. Wow, it's like you can read my mind. I mean, she's such a pretty girl, it's the first thing I notice every time I see her."
"Do you have proof of this?"
"Yeah."
Bea passes her phone to show Maxine a picture of her and Allie.
"So that's Allie. She's gorgeous. She looks young, how old is she?"
"Oh my god."
"What? Did I ask the wrong question?"
"No, but I just realized, I don't know. I've never asked her."
"That's usually something friends know about each other."
"It's never come up between us."
"So back to this picture."
"Right. So it's not just me that thinks she's good looking?"
"No. She's a very pretty woman, you were right."
"So I'm wondering, why is it so different with her? I've seen some good looking women before, but none of them have been stuck in my head like she has."
"Oh, I see. You want my professional opinion?"
"Please."
"I think you've got the hots for Allie."
She laughs softly at Bea's initial reaction to that statement.
"Don't say it like that. This is so confusing. What does this mean for me? I've never been attracted to other women but Allie... she's different. Have I secretly been gay this whole time? Or bi, or whatever?"
"I couldn't tell you. I will say don't worry too much about what it means for you, you'll end up driving yourself crazy."
"But don't I have to be one of those two things?"
"Not necessarily. Personally, I feel we give those labels too much power. I've always been of the belief that if you find a person that makes you happy, a man or a woman, it doesn't matter what you label yourself. If you want to label yourself, that is."
Bea goes quiet, she starts idly moving food on her plate around with her fork.
Looking at her face, Maxine can tell that she seems to be doing some contemplating.
"Hey, are you okay over there? You're miles away."
Bea looks up from her plate, nodding, "Yeah, I'm just thinking about some things."
"Don't think too hard, all right?"
"I'll try. What do I do now?"
"You don't have to do anything. If you want to see where it goes if the attraction's mutual, then do it. It seems like the option is there. Or if you just want to be her friend, that's completely up to you.
The ball's in your court, Bea. If I can speak freely, you deserve to be happy and it seems to me that's what Allie makes you," she gives Bea a reassuring smile.
"Thanks for your advice. It really helps."
"Don't mention it. You know you can come to me for anything."
They finish up at the restaurant, Bea walks with Maxine back to work with a different outlook on things now. She's still unsure about what to do though, she'll keep it to herself for the time being. Anything more than a friendship with Allie isn't something she feels she's ready for right now and she doesn't know when she will be, or if she ever will be.
Curious about Allie's age, Bea sends her a text before her next client comes in.
Hey, random question. How old are you?
I turned twenty six a few months ago.
Twenty six?
Twenty six. Why do you ask?
Just curious, I realized I've never asked you before. That makes me feel old.
Why does that make you feel old? Just how old are you? Sixty?
Sixty two, actually. In all seriousness, I'm a lot older than you though. I'm thirty six.
Really? You don't look it one bit. You've aged well.
So you're saying I look aged?
Backed myself into a corner here, didn't I? How do I turn this into a compliment?
Very carefully.
You know what, I'll just stay silent. So you're ten years older than me. My age doesn't bother you does it?
Not at all. I'm just glad you're so mature for your age. I've met people that act more like teenagers than grown adults.
Well if you've lived a life like I have, maturity is kind of a given.
And what about you? You don't mind being friends with an old lady like me?
Nope! It doesn't make a difference to me.