I can hear her words, I recognize them. But I can't listen. I don't actually know what she's saying. My entire world has centered on the unconscious redhead in my arms.
I had control for a moment, until she went limp. And now...now she's gone. But I made her a promise; I told her we were going home.
I have to get her home.
"Make sure the Hammerhead is running," I tell Miranda, all of it snapping back into sharp focus at once. She nods, then glances down at Archer as if wondering whether we can risk leaving him. "He's useless, and the crew is on the way. I need you to help me get her back."
Miranda nods again, and we start moving, the human jogging to keep up beside me. "Is she breathing?"
"Yes." I try not to wince at the question. If it weren't for my visor feeding me her bio stats - stable - and her heart pounding so hard I can feel it, I would be completely losing my shit. I'm barely holding it together as is.
What happened to her? How could I have let the VI separate her from me? She must have felt so alone, so...abandoned.
I abandoned her.
I pick up the pace, practically running by the time we get to the Hammerhead. I get into the backseat with Shepard so that I can hold her but have some space. Miranda gets us into the air just as three shuttles from the Normandy land. David will be okay; Shepard is going to need to be reassured of that when she wakes up.
Spirits, I need her to wake up.
"Hey, you with me, kid?" I ask, brushing the hair back from her face. Nothing. "I'm sorry," I whisper, guilt and pain choking me. "I'll never let you get taken from me again. I'm so sorry." I brush my mouth over her forehead and shift Shepard to keep her head against my shoulder. She likes to sleep here.
Chakwas is there when we get back to the Normandy, and she steps into the Hammerhead to check Shepard's pulse, then nods and tells me to follow her back to Med Bay. Miranda gives Chakwas a rundown of what happened, but I can't hear any of it. All I can focus on is getting Shepard what she needs. She has to be okay.
I set her down gently on a bed in the Med Bay and then help Chakwas and Miranda take off her armor, the location and feel of the clasps all so familiar to me now. Shepard is warm underneath. Steady. Calmer. Like she's sleeping.
Chakwas moves around me, setting up an IV in Shepard's arm and a few wires connecting to her chest. When she adds one on either of Shepard's temples, bile surges up my throat.
"You think he got into her brain? You think she's - "
"No, I don't," Chakwas answers firmly. "I'm not making any assumptions. I just want to be sure, but she's stable, Garrus, you know that."
I nod, running my hand over Shepard's hair. "I need her to wake up."
"Garrus, look at me." I can't help hesitating, unwilling to look away from Shepard in case she disappears from me again, but I obey Chakwas and look up. "I know. And you know I'll keep her safe." She covers my hand with hers. "But you also know Shepard needs to be able to rely on you. Go finish wrapping up this mission, make her proud, and I will have answers for you when you come back."
My first instinct is to reject the idea. Leaving Shepard goes against everything I want and feel like I need right now. How can I walk away? How can I abandon her again?
But Chakwas is right. Shepard counts on me. Depends on me. And I promised her that she could trust me. Right now, someone needs to make sure David gets to safety and Archer gets into custody with the right people. If Shepard wakes up and finds out I dropped the ball so Cerberus has them back...
Absolutely not. I've done enough to let her down over the last two years. Never again.
"You'll tell me immediately if anything changes?" Chakwas nods, and I mirror it, trying to steady my heart and my nausea. I look back to Shepard one more time, convincing myself she seems calm enough, and bump my forehead to hers briefly. I have to believe I'll kiss her properly soon enough.
I straighten up and turn away, heading for the door. Miranda is near the desk, pulling on a pair of latex gloves. "I'm going to stay here and assist Chakwas. Everyone else on the medical team can focus on David. I trust you can handle everything else needed?"
"I'll leave you the paperwork," I offer. She definitely almost smirks at that, but she also gives me a firm nod. We're on the same team now. It feels good.
Getting to work feels good, too. Hackett is surprised for a couple of seconds when he realizes that he's speaking to me instead of Shepard or even another human, but it's never an issue. We agree that the Alliance will take custody of Archer, and he trusts Shepard's call with David. I don't know how much it means to the human Admiral, but I tell him it would be my call, too. I speak to someone from Grissom Academy next. They're a little more confused about what happened until I send the pics and vids taken by my visor. After that, they want David in their care right away. We're closer to the Citadel than to the school, and they'll need time, so they ask us to go there and get David to a hospital where they can pick him up. I agree and get Joker on the way. No arguments from the pilot.
The engineers are successful in getting David down, and they have him back on board under Mordin's care by the time the calls are done. Mordin is disturbed and concerned but convinced David will recover at least physically. Kelly avoids Ken when he asks if David will recover psychologically. I don't blame her; I'd rather not think about it.
Hadley, Matthews, and Hawthorne take Archer below deck. I ask Grunt and Jack to keep watch, and Zaeed volunteers to help. Archer peed his pants before they got on the elevator. He deserves worse.
I take a moment to run through everything that needed to be done. There's nothing left. We're good. Now I need to know if Shepard is okay.
Joker meets me at the door, on his way out. "She OK?" I ask him. My voice is soft because I can't get it out any stronger than that.
"She's Shepard," he answers, full of spunk and sarcasm. That's a good sign. He motions at my chest and asks, "Are you?"
For a beat, I have no idea what he's saying. It takes looking down for me to realize that my hand is wrapped around Shepard's dog tags. My fingers are cramped when I try to let it go, so I must have been holding them for the last couple hours. I still cling to Shepard, even when she's not right next to me. "I'll be alright when she is."
"You know, you're not half bad for a stubborn, cocky Turian." Joker mock punches my shoulder and then walks away, leaving me alone to walk into Med Bay and be with my girl.
The calm in here, lights low now that it's the night cycle, makes me feel better. Chakwas did this when I was in Med Bay too, the night Shepard slept with her head on my lap. Nothing will ever make me comfortable in hospitals or places like this that are too much like hospitals, especially not now that I feel so far from my mom, but Chakwas manages to do more than anyone else I've ever known.
"How is she?" I ask, aiming directly for the stunning, sleeping redhead. I assume behind the curtain on the other side of her bed is David, and a steady beeping from over there seems like a good sign. It also definitely seems good that Shepard isn't hooked up to anything anymore.
"She is just fine," Chakwas answers, standing from her desk and coming to join me at Shepard's side. I take Shepard's hand again, squeezing her fingers lightly. "I ran a number of scans and tests but after hearing what happened and seeing some of the video from down there...I think she's suffering from severe exhaustion. She was tired and dehydrated during the fight - you fought for hours - and then the VI controlling her took the rest of her energy. She needs to recover it."
"But she will recover?" I ask, looking back at Chakwas because I know she won't lie to me.
Her expression is soft. Familiar. Fond. "I am fairly certain there was no permanent brain damage from the VI, but I won't make promises until she's awake. So no guarantee...but I believe strongly that she'll recover after a long, quiet rest."
Relief floods me, a weight easing from my shoulders. I trust Chakwas, and exhaustion makes a lot of sense considering the day we had. I'm beat, and Shepard went through a hell of a lot more than I did.
"I gave her an IV to replenish her fluids and a dose of pain meds, just to let her relax further," Chakwas continues. "Her brain decided she needed sleep and likely won't let her wake up until it's satisfied, but that's OK. She needs peace, quiet, and comfort in the meantime." She pats my shoulder. "And that's why I'm letting you take her upstairs to bed."
"Wait, really?" Usually Shepard and I have to beg or bargain for that.
"Really. David is going to need more care and may wake up before Shepard," she explains, motioning toward the curtain and the boy behind it. "I'm afraid Shepard will subconsciously wake up and follow her need to help."
I laugh, but the mention of David is sobering. "How is he?"
Chakwas' face falls. "Traumatized, in more ways than one. Mordin sedated him, and I agree it was the kindest thing we could do. He's going to need a great deal of care."
"Did Joker say how long 'til the Citadel?"
"Three days. I believe Mordin will keep David sedated that whole time to allow him rest, and I want Shepard to rest that entire time as well. I'll sedate her too if I have to."
"I'll hold her down for ya, Doc," I promise, more than willing to force rest on our overworked commander. "I'm gonna take her to bed now. Anything I should bring up?"
"You take her, I'll have someone bring some supplies up to you shortly."
I agree, making a metal note to keep the door unlocked so the chimes don't disturb her, and then slip my arms around Shepard - one behind her knees, and one under her shoulders. She's a little heavier than usual when she's completely passed out, but Shepard is tiny so it's no real burden to lift her. And she may be completely passed out, but she also snuggles her face into my chest almost immediately. If I didn't know better, I'd think she was recognizing me by scent.
I take her into the elevator and the controls immediately set for Shepard's quarters. "Thank you, EDI."
"Of course, Garrus. I will be monitoring Shepard's condition and reporting any changes to Dr. Chakwas."
"Thanks for that, too. And I'm sure Shepard will be grateful."
EDI's presence makes it hard not to think about what happened today - about geth and AI research and rogue computers with far too much power. I get the fear, considering everything we've seen. But maybe with EDI, Cerberus is onto something. They seem to have figured out giving AI a conscience, and I'm grateful for EDI's morals. I just wouldn't dare say that to Joker.
I settle Shepard on her bed, throwing the blankets aside but not covering her just yet. I move to her closet for a shirt, and laugh when I spot one of mine. She must have collected it after taking it off of me one night. It's an incredibly sweet thing for such a tough shell to crack. I grab that shirt and head back to the bed.
"EDI, can you lock the door until I'm finished getting Shepard changed? If anyone comes up with supplies, please ask them to wait. Unlock it after I'm done, please."
"Yes, Garrus. I'll let Yeoman Chambers know."
I thank EDI and set to getting Shepard comfortable. She's in a very sound sleep, aided by pain medication and sheer exhaustion, so it's easy to undress her without actually disturbing her too much. Getting her back into my shirt is especially easy, considering how baggy it is on her. I cover her with the blanket, pulling it up to her chin, and dim the lights further just as the doors open and Kelly Chambers walks in.
Knowing how chirpy Kelly can be, I hush her immediately. Kelly nods but beams at me. "How are you?" she asks in a whisper, standing with me in Shepard's little office alcove.
"I'm better now, thanks. What did Chakwas send you up with?" Kelly is carrying a full box when I was expecting a couple items.
"Well this was Chakwas and Rupert," she tells me, putting down the box. "Pain medicine, sleeping pills that she said you can take if you need, bottles of those electrolyte waters for both of you, and Rupert sent up snacks. He says to call whenever you or Shepard are ready for a meal, and you can have EDI reach me anytime if you need anything."
I nod, feeling the sort of gratitude that can choke you swell up in my chest. "Thank you. And please thank Rupert."
"It's our pleasure. We're lucky to have someone like you to take care of our commander." Kelly puts her hand on my arm. For a split second, I tense; Kelly did a lot of heavy flirting with me when we first met, and it seemed pretty clear she wouldn't mind if I made a move. Now it's just a habit to tense, though. Well, maybe that and trouble trusting people. Kelly still blushes a lot around me, but she respects Shepard and me. "I'm assuming you'll stay with her?"
"I'm not going anywhere," I promise.
That makes her smile even wider. "You may as well move in with her, you know." She giggles at her own joke and then bounces out the door, no idea that she's left me reeling a little.
Shepard has stopped asking me to move in with her. I know that's my fault; I turned her down and ignored it. That was when I hadn't told her anything yet, though. I couldn't trust her. Now...now I have trusted her. Maybe she doesn't know all the details, but she knows a lot. And she hasn't left me.
Moving in with her, bringing my things up here, would involve telling her about the pistol. She hasn't left me yet...but what will she say to weakness like that?
In the bed, Shepard makes a soft noise and rolls over. I watch her reach across the bed. She's looking for me.
I grab the box and take it to my side of the bed, placing it on the floor and then stripping down. I leave my shorts on just in case something goes wrong and I need to call Chakwas up here; I doubt she wants to see me naked, even if nothing would be visible but the same plates that cover the rest of me. I'm careful climbing into bed with Shepard so I don't disturb her too much, but her eyelids flutter open slowly as I settle under the blanket.
"Shh, go back to sleep," I whisper to her, pulling her into my arms. She doesn't move much but also doesn't resist, and she smiles a little, so I know it's okay. "You're okay. You need rest."
"David?"
Now I smile. She's incredible. This woman is so exhausted her brain shut her body down to demand sleep, and her first thought is to worry about the boy we rescued - the same boy who captured and maybe hurt her.
"David is fine. Mordin is taking good care of him, and you both have three days of sleep until we reach the Citadel. I'm keeping you in bed all three days."
She doesn't open her eyes, but there is a definite shift in her smile, and it sends warmth rushing to my core. "Three days in bed with you? Good medicine."
"Go back to sleep soon or you won't get any of my medicine," I tease her, fighting the urge to run my hands over her. I don't need to get myself worked up when Shepard can get me hot in an instant.
"Can't sleep yet. Gotta tell you," she mumbles, slurring her words.
I tuck her hair behind her ear and lean down to bump my forehead against hers, lingering. "What do you need to tell me, kid?"
Her eyelids flutter again, and she manages to open them. I can't see the green in this light, but just knowing its there is comforting. She brings one hand to rest on my chest and breathes, "You saved my life."
"Baby, that's sweet, but you saved yourself today," I assure her. "You fought back against that VI, and you saved David."
Shepard is shaking her head before I finish talking. "No...you." I watch her fight for focus through her body's intense need to sleep, and I want to tell her that whatever this is can wait, but it's obviously important to her, so I wait. "It was like...being spaced...but in my head. Scared me. And it...God, it hurt." The way she emphasizes that word makes me wince; the pain must have been horrible for Shepard to admit to it. "Your voice. I kept replaying it...in my head. Saved me."
"Shepard." I pull her closer, trying to be careful, and Shepard finds the strength to wrap her arm around my neck. I pull her leg over mine the way she likes, and get us all tangled up - the way we belong. "You did this yourself, it was all you. But it's an honor to be your anchor, you know that?"
She nods a little, our foreheads rubbing with the movement and sending tingles down my spine. She's almost back asleep...but I can't let her go yet.
"Elle."
That gets her eyes open. "Yeah?"
"Can I move in with you?"
It's a lot easier to ask than I thought it would be. I'm not used to being so vulnerable and setting myself up for rejection anymore, especially not with Shepard. And there's still a big piece of me that is terrified, that remembers how much it hurt everytime she called us off, every time she left me. But now...
"I'm tired of being scared," I tell her, my voice shaky. "I'm tired of letting our past control me. You're my future. I want to start moving toward it now."
"Garrus," Shepard breathes. In the dim blue light, I see a tear sparkle on its way across the bridge of her nose. "Yes. Please...move in." Her eyelids flutter close this time but she's still smiling. "Love you."
I feel her fade out, feel her body go limp and then her breathing steady out. She's asleep. She's in my arms. And we live together.
"I love you, too."
I expect pain when I wake up. It was so bad when I passed out, horrible the only time I remember waking up in Med Bay, that the moment I realize I'm regaining consciousness, I anticipate the pain. But it never comes.
I can breathe now. I can see straight - even in the dark, the room isn't tilting and nothing is blurry. I can see the coral in the fish tank. I wish there were fish in there.
No pain, but something heavy is on top of me. When I take a breath and the smell of sun-warmed metal washes over me, I know what that weight is, and a smile explodes across my face. Garrus is here, sleeping behind me with one arm wrapped around me and the other under my pillow and my head. He's so warm, creating a full cocoon around me. After the hell of what happened with David, I wasn't sure I'd feel this safe ever again.
Garrus never lets me down.
His hand is resting on my stomach and I cover it with mine, pressing his palm against me. I then push his hand up, guiding it to my breast and using my fingers to squeeze his, bringing him to grope me over my shirt. There's a moment where I feel Garrus wake up, a split second of confusion, and then Garrus doesn't need my guidance anymore.
"Elle," he whispers, cupping me with a strong hand. He presses more firmly against my back, and I roll my ass into the cradle of his hips, arousal raging through me instantly. Garrus isn't hard yet but he reciprocates, rocking into me. "You should still be sleeping."
"Mmm I disagree," I tell him, taking control of his hand again and this time taking advantage of the loose Turian collar to push his palm inside my shirt. He groans. "I should be riding your cock."
"Oh, shit," he breathes, squeezing harder and rubbing his thumb over my nipple. "Are you in pain?"
My smile grows. "Not even a little."
Now Garrus rips out a growl and tugs my nipple hard with his fingers. His other hand comes up to wrap around my throat, squeezing firmly enough that I instinctively gasp for breath. "You wanna ride me, baby? Come here and get me hard like I showed you."
He releases me, and I roll over eagerly, getting to my knees while he rolls to his back. It's not often I feel confident, and it's entirely possible that I have a mop of bed head or lines from the pillow on my face, but I don't give those things a second thought. I need to feel real, to feel alive.
I kneel between Garrus' legs and slide my hands up over my stomach, taking my shirt up with it. Garrus's eyes track the movement and a growl builds in his chest when I reach my breasts. My hands don't feel as good as his - they aren't as strong or as rough - but I'm supercharged enough that just about anything right now is arousing. And the look on Garrus's face is more than a little hot.
I push the shirt the rest of the way off and toss it, letting my hair fall around my face and shoulders. I run my hands slowly up Garrus's thighs, leaning forward as I go and not taking my eyes off him. He exhales slowly and shifts his hips as I near them. "You remember I still owe you a fantasy of mine?" I ask, keeping my voice low.
"Oh, I remember." His voice is low and husky already. He can't stop shifting his hips now, and when I run my hand over the slit between his legs, he moans deeply. "Tell me, baby. Whatever you want."
I hook my fingers under the waistband of his shorts and tug, Garrus lifting his hips for me to pull them down. "I love how strong you are," I begin, getting him naked slowly. "I love how powerful, how big, how dominant you are." He reacts to that one with a little moan. I throw his shorts in the same direction as the shirt he must have put me in and put my hands on his thighs again. "The thought of watching you with someone bigger, stronger, more dominant than me...taking control of them..."
Garrus's entire body stiffens, and I think he even holds his breath for a moment. "You want to watch me take a Turian man."
"I do," I admit, a shiver running through me even at the thought of it. "I got the idea when I saw you with Grizz. He was still hot for you." I press my hand to the slit between his legs and breathe, "Can't blame him."
"Shepard," Garrus growls and closes his eyes, the muscles under my hand tensing as the plates shift, and then I'm gifted with his cock. "Fuck, baby. I can give you that," he pants while I jerk his shaft slowly. "I'd love to watch you make two men fall apart for you. You're the sexiest woman in the universe, you drive me wild. I want everyone to know how lucky I am."
I can barely breathe by the time he finishes, actually aching and so wet I've soaked through my panties. Garrus's voice has always done incredible things to me, but that...God. I never knew how badly I'd want something like that. Now I know that I want anything Garrus will give me and everything he has to offer. Things I never dared to imagine, I want to explore with this man.
I crawl up over him, straddling his hips, and aim his cock where we both need it. Garrus plants his hands on my thighs and meets my eyes, his gaze burning with passion and barely contained raw need. For me. He needs me.
Like the first time I did this, I throw caution to the wind and drop my hips onto him. Garrus fits a little easier now, my body coming to learn that it can accept him, but he still pushes my limits and like this, it still knocks the wind out of me. It has a similar effect on Garrus who presses his head back into the pillow and cries out. It's a sound I've never heard from him before, and I love it.
I want more of it. And so I continue to ignore caution or inhibition, and I go wild on him. My ass bounces off his hips with every thrust down, and I work him fast hard while trying to hold onto his carapace for balance. "Here," Garrus breathes, taking both my hands and flattening his palms. It gives me balance and leverage, and it gives me confidence to ride Garrus the way he deserves. His legs are bent behind me and I lean back on him, bringing his cock at the right angle every damn time. Perfect.
I hear myself moaning out his name, feel my muscles start to clench and my hands shake. I feel it building, and I can feel Garrus building with me. I need it so badly that it hurts. I need to feel that connection to him, I need...
"Shepard!" Garrus's hand flies up and takes hold of my throat. "Fuck me, Shepard, like that. Show me what you've got, baby." This time I do the crying out, trying to hold on to my senses and keep my rhythm but Garrus doesn't care, doesn't need that. He roars out my name once more, tightening his hand almost enough that it hurts, before I feel him explode inside me.
And the explosion doesn't stop before he shifts, flipping me underneath him and surging inside me. He's perfect, almost too big, and with such a large body, I end up totally surrounded by him. It's just this side of overwhelming everytime, but it's never enough.
"You feel so good," he growls into my ear, gripping my thigh with one hand and using the other to pull my hair and tilt my head back. "And you're beautiful, Shepard, absolutely gorgeous."
"Garrus, please."
He moans and increases his pace, reading exactly what I need even when I don't have the mental capacity to say it. "I'm cumming for you again," he groans, talons digging into my thigh as he tenses. "I can't stop, can't get enough. Baby..." He makes a vicious sound deep in his throat and the world tilts when I feel him stiffen and falter just a little, amazed that not only is he climaxing again but that he can keep going after.
"Jesus, Garrus," I cry, clutching at him and the sheet and pillow and anything to try and get stable. I can't. He's too good. It's too good.
"I know, baby, come on. You wanna cum for me?"
"Yes! Please, right there."
"Oh, I know." And he does. Garrus drills me hard and fast, the edge only threatening until his teeth sink into my shoulder. The pain is the final dose of too-intense pleasure I need, and I lose all control and sense. Intense, breathtaking waves of pleasure crash over me, and I happily let them take me under. I could drown here, and that would be okay.
Garrus slows steadily, whispering and softly trailing his hands all over me. "That's my girl. I have you." That one makes my heart skip, and I melt even further, managing to wrap my arms around him. Garrus hugs me in return and rolls carefully onto his side, keeping our embrace without hurting my arm. We lay there for a long moment, both of us panting and shuddering through aftershocks and unwilling to stop touching one another.
"Wow, I'm in love with you." It comes out before I even realized I was going to say it. It feels as good to confess as it does scary; what could be more vulnerable? And it's not lost on me that Garrus hasn't said it back.
But with the way he clutches me, the gasp like it surprises and overwhelms him, he doesn't have to say the words. I know.
Garrus presses his forehead to mind and shivers. "Shepard." He's still hard, and I can feel him between my legs again. "Can I? I just want to be inside you, okay?"
I drape my thigh over his and drop my hand between us, directing his cock into me. He barely thrusts, only entering me a little, but it seems to be enough for him. He exhales hard, but it's shaky.
"Did I imagine things, or did you agree to move in with me?"
He grins. "I asked if I could, and you said yes. Hoping I didn't imagine that since I already brought my bag up."
"Oh, all your many possessions," I laugh, rolling my eyes at him even though it's dark. Even with the laugh, I can hear how full of emotion my voice is, so I know that he can hear it, too. I've wanted this, wanted to make this commitment to him and get one like this from him for...well, for years. But then I was too scared. Now, , I've been so sure the entire time I've had him back, and I've been fighting uphill that whole time to prove I can earn his love, that I won't hurt him again.
Garrus moving in means that he trusts me. Garrus moving in means that we both want this relationship to move forward, to move into the future. I know I'm never going to be willing to let him go, so this means everything to me.
"Are you exhausted?"
"No," I answer honestly. "I feel a lot more awake than I probably should, I think."
"Well, you did sleep for three days." I balk at him, my mouth dropping, and Garrus chuckles like he can see it in the dark. "You were exhausted, Shepard. Chakwas said to let you sleep however long you could."
"God. I knew I was wiped out but...shit." I groan and drop my head back. "Ugh, how much work am I going to have to catch up on in the morning cycle?"
Garrus takes advantage of my now exposed throat and leans down to nip me. A kiss from a Turian, just like he showed me. I hope it always makes my heart skip. "None, Commander. We handled all of it for you. We'll be on the Citadel today."
"The Citadel?"
"Yeah, the Academy said it would be easier to pick David up there, and they want him at Huerta Memorial first. The Alliance and the hospital are expecting us." I open my mouth but Garrus continues, "And before you can ask, the Alliance also already has Archer in custody. Hackett is overseeing it personally and asked me to make sure you knew that."
"Mmhmm. So when you said 'we' handled all of it...you mean that you handled all of it." Now Garrus has nothing to say and it makes me smile, pride and peace swelling inside me. "Thank you. Having another strong leader onboard that I can rely on means a lot to me."
He tenses, and I knew that he would tense when I complimented his leadership skills, so I tighten my hold on him.
"Hey, there's uh...there's something I need to tell you if we're going to live together," Garrus tells me, surprising me by not just outright shutting me down - especially considering that he could shut me up just by rocking his hips. "You wanna get a shower with me, and then we'll talk?"
"I'd like to just talk now but it's hard to turn down a shower with you," I admit. "And you did make me kinda messy."
Garrus hums and kisses me softly. "I like you this kind of messy," he breathes against my lips. Garrus then shifts off the bed and pulls me to come with him, rushing across the room and grumbling about the cold floor on the way. I laugh until we get into the bathroom and he cranks up the hot water and tugs me right up against him.
"Jesus, Vakarian, you are a machine." His erection is still throbbing between us while my legs feel like Jell-O. I don't know how he does it. Sometimes I wonder how I can keep up with it.
"It's been a few days, and I got scared." He runs his nose along mine. "When we're together, when I'm inside you, I feel sure that you're real. That you're safe, and here, and actually OK."
I'm stunned by how similar that is to what I was thinking earlier, about how badly I needed to feel grounded and present. Having Garrus touch me makes me feel alive; it makes him feel like I'm alive, too. We both need it. For now though, we wash each other and dry off before heading back out into my quarters. Our quarters. That puts a pep in my step.
Naked because Turians don't give two shits about modesty, Garrus goes for his bag which is sitting at the end of the couch. "You can unpack, you know! I assumed your things would go into the drawers, not stay in your bag." I laugh at him and shake my head, not surprised that he's taking up as little room as possible.
"I'm going to, but I need to talk to you first." He motions toward my closet. "Get dressed and then come sit with me."
I don't tease him this time because it makes me a little nervous, the tone of his voice and whatever this is we need to talk about. I thought we covered everything about Omega and after the Aria conversation, what could be left? What could be related to him moving in here?
I don't think there's anything Garrus could say or tell me that he's done to make me walk away from him, nothing that could make me want to slow this down. I keep that in mind while pulling on a pair of boxers and a tank top, and then returning to him. Garrus is now wearing a pair of sweats low on his hips, and he has a box in his lap.
I've never seen the box before, but Garrus is almost cradling it. It obviously means something to him. I can tell that it used to be wrapped, paper still on the bottom half of the box and a ribbon that was untied. It looks like a gift Garrus opened and kept in the box.
"Do you remember that you were planning to come back to the Citadel for Christmas? It was...nine weeks after you left?"
"Oh...yeah. We were scheduled to return two weeks after..." My heart shifts into my throat when I try to say it. "I, uh...I kept wanting to ask you if I could see you when we got back but...considering how I left..."
Garrus makes a small sound, almost a laugh but no humor. "Yeah, I wanted to ask you to come back anyway. To stay with me for it. But considering how you left..."
I lean forward and rest my head on his shoulder, my stomach souring and turning. "At least I'm not the only one who was stupid. I am at fault for it all, though. You know how much I regret it, right?"
"I do," he whispers, pressing his mouth to my head. "And it honestly doesn't matter to me anymore. It did at first but...all I care about now is what we have together, the future. And I need you to remember that right now, Shepard. I am not blaming you. I'm just trying to be as honest as possible. You understand?"
I sit back up and frown at him, searching his eyes. "You're kind of scaring me. But yes, I understand."
Garrus takes a breath and nods, then looks back down at the box on his lap, both hands wrapped around it. "I got this for you before you left. It was supposed to be your Christmas present. And then when you were gone, when I was on Omega...it became my...escape plan." His hand is shaking when he lifts the box but when he reaches in and grabs whatever is inside it, Garrus's entire posture shifts. He straightens, relaxes. It puts him at ease.
And I can't breathe when he pulls out a gun.
It's beautiful. Black chrome and brown leather, an old-school revolver like the kind in movies my dad watched but it's been modified to work with heat sinks. I can see that it's deadly, too - a large caliber. And more than anything, I can see that it is extremely familiar with Garrus's hand.
An escape plan.
"Oh, God. Garrus, no." My voice trembles and cracks, and I'm helpless to the tears that start pouring down my face. I knew that Garrus had darkness, I knew that he was in pain...I never imagined it was this bad. I don't know if I want to touch him or run away, except that I've promised not to run from him, so I plant my shaking hand on his thigh.
"I'm sorry," he breathes, barely a whisper. "It's bad, I know. Especially for a Turian, we...we don't..." He just trails off and shakes his head.
"How close did you get?" I don't want the answer. I hate myself for having to ask, but I do. I have to know. Maybe it's sick curiosity, maybe it's fear of how close he might have been when he got back on the Normandy or where he might be now, but I have to know.
Garrus winces. "Close. You saved me that night, too." I frown and shake my head, and Garrus gives me a pained sort of something that isn't quite a smile. "Your tags hit the barrel and...I don't know, distracted me. Reminded me. Long enough anyway. I couldn't do it that night. Didn't get that close again after."
"How bad is it now, Garrus?" I cover his hand with mine where it rests on the barrel of the gun. Garrus holding it like an old friend is unnerving as hell.
He takes a breath, a little calmer with this topic. "I still think about it. I can't explain why but...I don't know, Chakwas asked me a lot of questions about things like this. She called it ideation, said I might always have the thoughts. Anyway, I...I can't say I want to anymore but...I needed to come clean with you about it. And I honestly don't want to keep it right next to my bed anymore."
And now I can breathe too. "Well that has to be good. And you told Chakwas before she put you on those meds, that's good too. You're...you're OK, right?"
"Yeah." He turns toward me, lowering the revolver and finally looking away from it. His eyes are wet but clear, the pain something much more present than the haunted look I saw so often at first. "Yeah, I'm OK, Shepard. It all still hurts but the meds help and I'm..." This time the grin is real. "I'm happier than I can ever remember being. And now for the first time since that bad night...I really am ready to be away from this thing."
He lifts one hand to my face and wipes the tears off my cheek with his thumb. I press his hand to my face and lean into him, closing my eyes and taking a moment to inhale his scent, feel the pulse on his wrist. His heartbeat is strong, his body warm.
Garrus leans forward to bring his forehead against mine, cupping my jaw. "I'm doing everything in my power to stay with you, kid. I'll never leave your six."
"I know. You're strong, you know that big guy?" I shift forward to kiss him, and he lets me linger before we part and both of us can straighten.
"I don't want this shadow over me anymore," he says, motioning to the gun. "But I think it's pretty awesome and...well, I thought you'd love it. That's why I got it for you." Garrus smirks. "And when we have our first Christmas together, I'll just have to get you something else. If you want this."
Even as he offers it to me, Garrus doesn't hand it over. He has a firm grip on the gun. It may not still be his escape plan, but it's still something of a crutch, and it's still going to be hard for him to give it up. And yet he's offering it to me, to carry on my belt. And damn, it really is a very cool gun.
"You remembered me telling you that my dad watched movies with these?"
"You called them Westerns, yeah. Took greasing a few palms on the Citadel, but I managed to find a human who knew what the hell I was talking about." I laugh and wipe away the remaining tears that fall. "As soon as I saw it, I understood the appeal. This is a sexy gun. It belongs on an equally sexy soldier."
"You always say the right thing, lover." I reach for the gun, but don't try to take it from him. I want to let him hand it over. Garrus exhales slowly and then releases it, letting me remove the gun from his hand. It's an instant relief when he's not touching it anymore, knowing what he almost did with it, but it does also feel like being given a gift. A very cool gift. "This is incredible. And just as thoughtful as you always are. Thank you."
"It's my pleasure."
I smirk at him and note, "You set the bar pretty high for Christmas. It's just a few weeks away now, you know."
"Oh, I know. And I already have your new present." I laugh with him, ever impressed even if I am a little stressed about needing to get him something too. It'll be worth it; Garrus deserves a chance to get spoiled, and we both deserved the Christmas we never got. Three weeks. Something to look forward to when our mission is hell and every job worse than the last.
I stand and cross the room, going to my armor locker to store the gun for now. Not a chance in hell I leave this one on the nightstand. I trust Garrus, but I know that sort of thing isn't exactly a choice made from a place of logic or reason. This is better for all involved.
And Garrus doesn't complain, going back to bed and stretching out sideways across the mattress. He sets a pillow folded in half under his head, as always, and then tucks his hands behind his head. Eyes closed, he's a picture of peace, and it settles the rest of the pain lingering in my heart. Garrus is okay now. He's talking to me, opening up, and he's taking medication to combat the darkness inside him. He'll get through this, and I'll be with him.
For that, I am damn lucky. Shirtless, sweatpants hanging low on his hips, Garrus oozes sex appeal. The muscles under the plates of his abs and in his arms helps, too. Sexiest man I've ever known, and he's all mine. And he's laying in our bed.
"You think you could sleep a little while longer, or are we getting an early start on the day?" he asks, not opening his eyes.
I stand between his legs, taking another moment to drink in that sexiness. "Actually...I have a better idea."
And that's how Garrus ends up starting his day with a blowjob before fucking me senseless against the wall. I won't count the days when I was sound asleep, so as far as I'm concerned, this is the first day we live together. I'm satisfied I made the first day memorable before we ever leave the room, each of us armed but not armored for our time on the Citadel.
Since the crew has dealt with their duties without my command for the last three days, I order twenty-four hours of shore leave. We're all going to get a break. I'm looking forward to it, too; I might have slept for three days, but I still feel too close to what happened with David and Archer. I need a break. And I need to see David get to Huerta, where I know the Alliance will take care of him.
After seeing Chakwas in the morning to get a recap on David's condition and satisfying her that I'm fine, I join the crew for breakfast. Garrus already has trays and coffee for both of us when I get to the table, and I thank him for it with a kiss right on the mouth. He was more open with me than ever today; I'm going to return the favor as best I can. Garrus's gratitude is more than obvious, and it's no sacrifice to kiss him anyway, but if the reward is that look on his face right now, I'll kiss him a thousand times a day.
"Ya know, it's been a long time since I kicked anyone's ass in virtual racing," Joker muses playfully from across the table.
"I've never seen you do it, so must've been a really long time," Garrus retorts, instantly drawn into the competition. Joker obviously knows him well if that was the tactic he took to interest him.
"Is this an open invitation?" Jacob asks. "I'd like to kick both your asses."
Hadley, Matthews, Hawthorne, and Ken quickly chime in with their interest, Grunt suggests sparring after, and then half our crew has their plans for the day. Not to be outdone, Gabby and Kelly immediately start making suggestions. Normally, I'd let them go. But I think I could use some help.
"Actually...wanna hang with me today?" I offer, trying to sound casual when I know that Garrus reads me like a friggin book. "Kasumi and Jack, you too? Miranda, if you're interested?"
"The Illusive Man promised me a meeting today," Miranda replies, her expression even tighter than usual. She looks up to meet my eye and nods firmly. "I'll let you know exactly what is said."
"Good. Maybe we can get the whole crew together for dinner then." Everyone chimes in with restaurant suggestions, kindly remembering Garrus, Mordin, and Grunt. Most of them are a lot more familiar with the Citadel than I am, so I leave the decision making to them. And then I'm completely distracted when Garrus slips his arm around my shoulders, grazing the back of my neck on the way.
"Sounds like we're spending the whole day apart," he notes, leaning close enough to speak softly into my ear. "You'll be lucky if I don't fuck you in the bathroom of that restaurant."
"It's only lucky if you actually do it," I quip, dramatically rolling my eyes at him. Surprise flashes through his eyes and Garrus laughs, giving me the look I always get when I'm turning him on and challenging him. I reach up and trace the line of blue under his eye on the scarred side of his face. "I'll miss you, though. That's stupid, I know, considering all the time we spend together but - "
"No, I know. Me, too." He leans forward, bumping his forehead against mine briefly. I know he considers that intensely intimate so I'm not surprised it's brief, but I miss the contact immediately. As if he knows, Garrus shifts the hand behind me onto my shoulder and squeezes. "We'll be stupid together."
"So romantic." We laugh together, drawing more attention than I'm comfortable with yet but it would feel worse to pull away from Garrus or hide. I'm tired of fighting my instincts to lean into him. "Will you come with me to Huerta? I want to be there when we transfer David."
"Of course," he promises, no hesitation.
He follows through when we arrive on the Citadel shortly after breakfast, joining me in the transit with Chakwas and David who is on a gurney and has been kept in a coma this whole time. Chakwas assures me it's for his own good and considering the hell I experienced in the brief time I spent in David's world, I don't doubt that for a second. It's hard to even look at him, but Garrus holding my hand helps.
We have to part from David at the hospital, but Chakwas promises to bring us his doctor, so we wait. Garrus doesn't give me a chance to sit on my own, pulling me onto his lap and tucking me under his chin. "You okay?"
"Garrus, that guy was tortured," I tell him. "The world that he lived in...that isolation? It was like being spaced but constantly. Every moment of his life. And the one person he loved and trusted did that to him." I snuggle closer to Garrus, needing to feel more grounded if I'm going to even think about that place. "When I tried to control my own body, the pain was horrible. I think that's what David felt."
"I can't imagine," Garrus breathes. "I hate that I couldn't get to you, especially because I couldn't tell where you were. And Archer did that to David on purpose." He shakes his head, tensing a little, and I can feel the anger course through him. "I hope the Alliance plans to be pretty harsh on that asshole."
"Just by working with Cerberus, he's a terrorist. They'll be rough."
That makes Garrus tense, too. "Do you worry what will happen with you and the Alliance when it comes time to part ways with Cerberus?"
"I really try not to," I answer honestly. "I think Hackett and Anderson will look out for me so long as I don't do anything the Alliance couldn't condone or approve of, but...I guess I'll have to wait and see."
Garrus presses his mouth to the top of my head. "I'll be by your side no matter what. Maybe we can go rogue, just disappear on all of them and find some tiny planet to hide out on. Stay naked all the time."
"Tropical planet. I need a beach."
"Again, you'll be naked, so I don't actually care where it is."
I laugh and poke his side, making Garrus jump and join me in laughter. I tilt my head back to kiss his jaw, grateful that he's so damn good at settling or distracting me. I'm grateful he cares enough to do those things, too.
"Shepard." Chakwas' voice distracts me this time, and I stand with Garrus. She is approaching us with a familiar doctor, red hair and a pretty accent and quite a thing for Garrus if I remember correctly. Considering the way Chloe is already staring at him, I definitely remember correctly. "I believe you both know Dr. Michel," Chakwas offers.
"We do," Garrus answers, extending his hand to her. "It's good to see you again, Dr. Michel."
"And you, Garrus." She's a lot more familiar with him than he is with her, but that doesn't surprise me. Garrus may be a terrible Turian but some things are ingrained, and he's extremely formal in most situations.
"Hello, Dr. Michel. You've moved up in the world from the clinic."
"Yes, thank you." She doesn't look at me, though. She's too busy gawking at my guy. And when I look up at Garrus, I find his eyes on me. More than that, I find his confusion - like he's not sure why I haven't asked about David yet. He's entirely oblivious to the pretty little doctor who can't keep her eyes off him. God, I love this man.
"How's David?" I ask, snapping myself out of it and looking to Dr. Chakwas this time. The always refined woman is covering her mouth with one hand, trying to hide what is almost definitely a smirk. Garrus is the only oblivious one apparently.
Chloe shakes her head a little, like coming out of a fog. It's not like I can really blame her. Wasn't I just drooling over Garrus myself this morning? And I got to drool on his cock, too. She has to settle just for staring at him.
"David is stable," she tells us, physically shifting into a professional mode with her hands tucked behind her back. "He is going to need extensive care but considering what happened and his abilities, I agree that Grissom Academy is the best place for him. I will make sure he's strong enough to go with them; they're expected at the end of the week."
"Good. And you'll keep us updated on his progress?" She nods to me but her eyes go right back to Garrus. I can see the wheels turning for that one, and I'm not going to let her even start down that road. "You can call Dr. Chakwas with updates."
Finally, Chloe meets my gaze. There's recognition in her gaze, and then instantly fear. She knows that I'm onto her. Good. "Yes, of course. I will. I will...call Dr. Chakwas...with updates."
"We appreciate it," Garrus offers, cool as ever. Except then he slips his arm around my waist and pulls me lightly against his side. It's not a firm hold, obvious that he's giving me a way to pull out of it if I want, but it is extremely clear - especially if you know Turians and how intimate touching waists are for them. Judging by the way Chloe flushes when she looks down at where his hand is on me, she definitely knows. And so does Garrus.
He's staking a claim.
I should probably be annoyed, want to reject the move as misogynistic. I should be irked he thinks he can claim me. But I don't feel that way at all. Knowing that he wants to claim me is empowering, but it's different now too. Having someone who knows me this intimately, who has claimed ownership of my body, do it publicly...shit, that's hot.
Chakwas lets me know that she's sticking around the hospital for a little while longer, so we say goodbye before heading away. Garrus keeps his arm around me until we get into the elevator, and then he releases me so quickly, it's startling.
"I hope that was okay," he says, taking my hand instead. "We haven't...not in public like that. I just - "
"Saw that Chloe had eyes for you and it was irking me, so you made sure she knows you're taken?" I finish for him, seeing the anxiety build. It always makes me feel guilty, this anxiety he has. And with good reason. Garrus wouldn't be so concerned if I hadn't failed to treat him the way he deserves. Garrus nods and I smile at him, stepping closer. "I really liked it, actually. Having you claim me."
"Oh, yeah?" Now my confident guy is back, and as the doors to the elevator open, he takes my hand and pulls me aside. We're out of the way of the elevator, but very much in public. And I don't want to hesitate when he gently guides me into his arms, even if there's part of me that panics. "I can see that in your eye, kid. I understand, it's okay."
He moves to release me but I push him up against the glass railing separating the path from a garden, following him and pressing myself up against him. I can feel his tension, but he can't resist down, sliding his hands around my hips.
"It might always make me nervous, okay? There's always a voice in my head that tells me someone will see and question my career, my abilities. And I remember the...all that graffitti, after we took Saren down. I'd never faced that kind of racism before, and it really shook me." He nods, listening carefully and not judging me. He never does. "But you remember what you said? That you only want to focus on what's ahead of us? Me, too. I don't ever want to let other people affect us again."
"I appreciate that, Shepard, I do. More than you know." He shakes his head a little, mandibles tight to his face. "But you have to talk to me. I didn't know how much that graffiti was bothering you until you were dumping me and leaving. And now...Shepard it's more important than ever that you talk to me, that I always know I have your consent, even if we're doing something as simple as holding hands. Do you understand?"
"Yes," I promise quickly. "I get it. I'll use my safeword here, too. OK?"
"You can just say no, kid, but if the safeword makes you more comfortable, that works for me, too." I nod, and can see him relaxing a little but he's still tense and I hate that. So I tilt my head up, offering my mouth and exposing my throat. Garrus shudders and grins, growling, "Oh, baby." And then he kisses me, soft and slow, before dropping his head to nip the base of my throat. The pain jolts through me, so hot I can barely distinguish it from pleasure. I may actually like it more than pleasure without pain.
"Promise me you'll stake a much deeper claim tonight."
"As many times as you can take it."