Chapter Nineteen

Hikari didn't get any sleep. If she wasn't tossing and turning, agonising over her decision, then she was dreaming of Takeru's face when she told him and how it would just crumple into sadness and despair. She didn't want to do that. If anything, she wanted to keep from subjecting Takeru to such a thing. She wanted for them to carry on as boyfriend and girlfriend, maybe even get married to him somewhere down the line and have kids. But if they couldn't reach an agreement on what had happened two years ago, there was no way Hikari could see any of that happening without their relationship inevitably coming undone at the seams.

She gave up trying to sleep just as the first hint of dawn appeared on the horizon, listlessly watching the news channel even as her mind fixated on what she might say to Takeru, what he might say to her, running through every possible argument she could imagine that might come up in the hopes of putting her mind at ease before Takeru could arrive. Nothing worked. Everything came down to his recollection of events against hers, and that of the IAA. If she couldn't manage to convince him they hadn't looked, that was it. They couldn't be together.

That realisation hit hard and Hikari wished time would slow to an absolute crawl, so that she could keep from making it a reality, but the world had other plans and before she knew it, there was a knock at her door. She stood and shuffled to it, pulled it open, and instantly knew today was going to be bad.

Takeru was stood on the other side, his arms full of bags containing treats for them to share and enjoy together, Patamon on his head and Gatomon on his shoulder, looking at her with adoration and love on his face which quickly changed when he saw the state Hikari was in.

'Hey, what's up?' he said, freeing up an arm to try and pull Hikari into an embrace. 'Did something happen?'

She shook her head and headed back to the bed, dumping herself on it, and scooped up Gatomon when the cat Digimon jumped down off Takeru's shoulder, holding her close as he remained standing in the short hallway, looking at her.

'We need to talk,' Hikari finally said. 'About us.'

'About us what?' Takeru said. 'The other day at the base?'

'No,' Hikari said. 'About two years ago.'

He blinked and looked at her for a moment in disbelief, as though he couldn't fathom what it was Hikari wanted to talk about, and then it shifted to irritation that that was the topic of conversation she had chosen for his visit. The bags full of treats fell from his hand and landed with a thump on the floor, crushing some of the more delicate items, and Takeru fixed her with a glare.

'That's what you want to talk about?' he said. 'We were supposed to be celebrating you getting out of the hospital.'

'I know,' Hikari said. 'But it gave me a lot of time to think about things, and I kept coming back to then. Takeru, we have to talk about it.'

'Do we?' he said. 'I know what I did. What we all did. I just don't know why you seem to think otherwise.'

'Because I can't remember looking for them,' Hikari said. 'If I actually looked for Daisuke and Miyako and Ken and Iori, why can't I remember the specifics of what we did outside of calling their phones? Sending them emails? When did we ever go out and physically look for them? When?'

She looked at Takeru and waited for him to reply, to come up with a definitive answer of exactly what they had done. There was nothing concrete that Hikari could recall with any measure of absolute certainty beyond the time she and Takeru had gone to Ken's apartment, and watching Takeru's face it seemed like neither could he. But unlike her, there was no sudden flash of guilt and self-loathing at realising he had left four of his close friends to their potential deaths, no shock or horror at his inaction. For a split second, maybe, but nothing beyond that.

He shrugged and said, 'We must have looked. We never would have abandoned them.'

'So tell me what we did,' Hikari said. 'What you and I did, other than what I've already mentioned. Tell me, Takeru. Give me an itemised list of what you did to find everyone.'

Hikari sat back and waited, her stare morphing into a glare as Takeru just stood there, averting his gaze, running through those three months where four of their own were missing. She had done it plenty of times and come up short. Takeru seemed to be in the same boat as her, but his reaction to it was vastly different than her own.

'I can't,' he said, throwing his arms up in the air. 'Okay? I can't remember what we did. But guess what? It was over two years ago. I can't be expected to remember everything that was going on then, especially with all the infected Digimon we had to deal with! Stuff was going to slip through the cracks, Hikari. How do you know that's not happened to you?'

'It might have,' Hikari said. 'I'd still remember something about what we did. Seeing as I can't, it must mean I didn't do anything worthwhile searching for our missing friends. That, and the IAA was watching us the entire time. They have records that prove it, Takeru! We never did anything to find anyone. Ever.'

'So they say,' Takeru muttered. 'We don't know for certain if those files are real or not.'

'They were convincing enough for Miyako,' Hikari said. 'And Iori, too. If we can't trust our DNA partners' judgement, are we really as close as we thought?'

Takeru remained silent and continued to avoid looking directly at her, or in her general vicinity. It reminded Hikari of when they had finally reunited with Daisuke after his 'relocation' to California, how his refusal to even acknowledge her presence belied greater issues running deep beneath his otherwise calm exterior. This wasn't quite so with Takeru who's face was slowly contorting into a snarl, as though readying himself to shout and hurl abuse at her.

'I know what I did,' Takeru muttered lowly instead.

'So do I,' Hikari said. 'And none of it included looking for them.'

Now Takeru chose to lock eyes with Hikari, glaring at her as tears began welling up in the corners. He seemed furious with her, and betrayed, and shocked, and like he didn't know what to do about any of it. They had been such a good couple, seemingly fated to get together since they were young, always having one another's backs. Yet here she was, accusing him of abandoning his friends and siding with an organisation he had little to no love for. They were supposed to be in love with each other.

'Are you really choosing Daisuke and his bastard superior over me?' he said. 'Over everyone else you've fought alongside?'

'I'm not choosing anyone over anyone else,' Hikari said.

'Yeah, you are,' Takeru snarled. 'You're choosing Daisuke over your own boyfriend. Unless you want him to be your boyfriend now and this whole 'never searched for them' crap is some extravagant way of breaking up with me.'

He stopped and something flashed in his eyes, some sudden realisation coming to him, and he said, 'That's it, isn't it? You're in love with Daisuke. That's why you pushed him to come back home, so you could try and win him over. He's the one you love now.'

'That's not true,' Hikari tried to say but Takeru was having none of it. He barely even seemed to be listening anymore, carrying on as though she hadn't spoken.

'God, it all makes sense now,' he went on. 'Ever since he came back Daisuke's been all you can think about. All you can talk about. You're in love with him, with Daisuke. I bet you used your time on base together to confess your feelings to him. Knowing him, Daisuke probably leapt at the chance to be with the only girl he's had a crush on.

'That's why nobody could get in contact with you that night, or the next day. You were going at it like animals, weren't you?'

'We didn't do anything,' Hikari said, almost shouting, but it fell on deaf ears.

'And then you had Captain Ishida cover it up by saying you were in the hospital,' Takeru continued, lost in his own conspiracy. 'So you could have another day fucking each other.'

He spat that out at her, his face stricken with grief and streaked with tears. Hikari knew breaking up with Takeru was going to be hard on both of them, but she never imagined it would end with him inventing wild stories and theories about her and Daisuke becoming an item, or that they could somehow include Captain Ishida in keeping it a secret from everyone else, even as a coping mechanism.

'Well I hope you're happy together,' he shouted at her. 'And I hope he winds up dying, just like you dreamed he would.'

'We're not together!' Hikari screamed back, shooting up so quickly Gatomon went flying as she grabbed the front of Takeru's shirt, shaking him. 'I'm not in love with Daisuke and I've never had sex with him, ever. You're the one I love, Takeru. You. I love you.'

He finally seemed to register what she was saying but it looked like too little, too late as his shoulders sagged and the will to do, well, anything left his body. A forlorn appeared on Takeru's face as he whispered, 'I wish I could believe that.'

She let go and stepped back, the strength fading from her arms, and Hikari could only watch as Takeru staggered towards the door and slid it open, leaving her and Gatomon alone in the room without so much as a single, final glance back at them. He just left and let the door shut of its own accord.

'Are you okay, Hikari?' Gatomon said when Hikari sank to her knees, a vacant expression adorning her face. 'Do you want me to call someone?'

'Tell me I'm wrong,' she said. 'Tell me we went out looking, Gatomon, that all the stress of the past few weeks is getting to me and making me forget.'

'I could but then I'd be lying,' Gatomon said. 'Whenever we were together during that time, we never went looking for them. We never even spoke about Daisuke and the others. You acted like he didn't matter.'

'Am I a monster?' Hikari asked.

'No,' Gatomon said. 'You're the kindest person I've ever met.'

'So why can't I remember looking for them?' Hikari whispered. 'Why can't I remember being more concerned about them being missing?'

Gatomon didn't answer right away, contemplating her answer, then said, 'I don't know. Maybe someone was messing with you.'

'Captain Ishida said there wasn't any evidence of that,' Hikari said.

'That he could see,' Gatomon said. 'You humans aren't always the most observant creatures at times. There are still people who think I'm some exotic kitty cat when they see me, or a stuffed animal. Maybe he missed something.'

'I hope so,' Hikari said with a sigh, scooping Gatomon up off the floor and holding her close, petting her soft fur in an attempt to soothe herself. Not only had she broken up with her boyfriend, the first and only one she'd had, but she'd done some serious damage to his psyche that might or might not be permanent. Why else would he suddenly decide that she and Daisuke were an item?

After a while Hikari let go of Gatomon and pulled out her phone, scrolling through the contacts until she found Miyako's number. If there was anyone that stood any chance at reversing her spirits, if only by a little, it was her.

Miyako answered by the third ring and immediately knew something was seriously wrong just by the way Hikari said hello, promising to be there within the hour. She actually made it within forty-five minutes, bursting through the door to wrap Hikari in an all-encompassing hug that nearly forced the last bit of breath from her best friend.

'Tell me what happened,' Miyako said as she guided Hikari to the bed, sitting them both down and holding her hand. 'Don't miss out a single detail.'

'I broke up with Takeru,' Hikari said and went on to describe everything that had transpired between her and the blonde teen, Miyako listening intently the entire time even as her expression morphed into barely contained rage.

'Takeru said that?' she yelled when Hikari finished. 'As if you'd stoop so low as to sleep with Daisuke Motomiya! My girl has some standards, at least.'

'He's not that bad,' Hikari said in Daisuke's defence.

'Oh, he really is,' Miyako said. 'Ken told me all kinds of horror stories about when they stayed over at each other's places. The mess, the snoring, the smells, the topics of conversation. I'm dreading the day Ken's bachelor party comes around because I know he'll put Daisuke in charge of it.'

'You and Ken are thinking that far ahead?' Hikari said.

Miyako smiled. 'I am. Ken's just along for the ride.'

She laughed and Hikari joined in as well a little, her mind's eye flashing forward to the day when Miyako and Ken tied the knot and were officially a married couple. No doubt she'd hold the role of maid of honour, though it'd be a role in name only as Miyako would try to handle everything herself, wanting every detail to be just so. Obviously Daisuke would be Ken's best man and on the big day, so the four of them would be spending plenty of time around each other. Her thoughts then drifted to her own wedding, of which Miyako would definitely be the maid of honour, but the moment she tried to speculate as to who Takeru's best man would be she remembered they were no longer a couple, her smile fading.

'Oh, no,' Miyako said, pointing a finger at Hikari the moment she saw the shift in attitude. 'No. Don't even go there. I didn't come all this way to watch you mope about what could have been with Takeru. As far as we're concerned, from this moment on, his name is trash.'

'It's scary how you knew what I was thinking,' Hikari said, watching the pointed finger keenly. 'Even at a glance.'

'That's because you're my best friend,' Miyako said as she put the finger away. 'It's my job to know where your head's at, at all times.'

Hikari nodded and, with some difficulty, pushed the image of Takeru dressed in a tuxedo standing at the altar, waiting for her, from her head as Miyako clapped her hands together and said, 'Now that's settled, shall we order room service? We might as well if the army's footing the bill.'

Twenty minutes later the bed was festooned with plates and bowls bearing a wide variety of food, plus the ice cream Miyako all but declared a vital part of the breakup process, and the two girls began picking away at it as they tried, and failed, to find a topic of conversation that didn't revolve around Takeru, or whichever insulting nickname Miyako had bestowed upon him at that point.

'I'm just saying,' Miyako said between slices of fried chicken. 'You tried your best to convince him otherwise, and he refused to change his mind. If Lord Douchebag really loved you, he would have at least considered the possibility he was wrong.'

'Maybe I didn't try hard enough,' Hikari said. She was working on a tub of chocolate ice cream, spooning mouthfuls in at a time, but the rate she was eating it would mean it was going to melt before she was even halfway through.

'Don't make excuses for him,' Miyako said. 'You tried as hard as you could and he still chose to believe his own memory. This breakup is his fault, and his alone. Let him suffer for it.'

'I was the one to end it, though,' Hikari said. 'I'm the reason we broke up.'

'No, he is,' Miyako said, waving her chopsticks around in lieu of her finger to give Hikari a warning. 'You just recognised he wasn't willing to put as much effort into this relationship. I mean, what kind of person refuses to even entertain the idea that his girlfriend might be right about something? It's almost as bad as refusing to even have an argument. I could never fall for a man that doesn't argue back.'

'You mean, Ken does?' Hikari said.

'On occasion,' Miyako said, flashing a devious grin. 'When I let him.'

They shared a little laugh at that but it soon petered out, and Hikari put her tub of ice cream down on the bedside cabinet. It was more cream than ice by now, and she hadn't really felt like eating it in the first place. Gatomon didn't seem to mind as she took control of the tub, placing it next to the plate of chicken katasu she was working her way through, and Hikari took a moment to pet her partner's head.

'We still broke up,' she said. 'My first relationship ended up a failure.'

'Well, you know what they say about when you fail,' Miyako said. 'It's a first attempt in learning. Or, loving in your case. Besides, nobody said you and that dumbass were destined to be together forever.'

'Plenty of people have said that,' Hikari said, giving her friend a pointed stare. 'Including you.'

Miyako offered a sheepish grin and rubbed the back of her head in embarrassment, saying, 'Er, well, yeah. I guess I did,' before snapping back to her usual focused self, adding, 'But that's besides the point. Just because people say it's true doesn't make it so. If fate really wanted you and that blonde moron to be together, he'd be here right now instead of me.

'Seeing as he isn't, I'd say that means Hikari Yagami is back on the market, just waiting for her next Prince Charming to come sweep her off her feet. And this time, she gets to choose who she falls in love with, not destiny.'

She struck a dramatic gesture, holding her thumb up to Hikari, who watched the display with exasperation over her friend's antics and let out a resigned sigh.

'And if I want my Prince Charming to be Takeru?' Hikari asked.

'Then go after him,' Miyako said. 'But I'd be ready to move on if he doesn't want to put the effort in. There are plenty more fish in the sea that would kill to have a girl as great as you as their partner.'

'What, like Daisuke?' Hikari said, half joking.

'Sure,' Miyako said. 'If you want to date a cheap Taichi knockoff. Raise your standards a little, Hikari. You can do better.'

She probably could, Hikari reasoned, but the fact that Daisuke had volunteered to help defend the world against the infected Digimon for the past two years, at great personal cost no less, spoke of no small amount of devotion and dedication on his part. Then again, Miyako was right in saying Daisuke was like a smaller version of her brother. He had basically styled himself on Taichi after a chance encounter in the playground when they were very young, and it was for that reason why she had turned down his offer of a date two years ago.

But thinking that, had Daisuke thrown off whatever attributes of Taichi's he'd copied after being betrayed by his mentor? How much had he changed in the past two years? Was he even the same person she once knew?

'Hikari,' Miyako said, snapping her friend from her thoughts. 'I said you can do better than Daisuke, so stop thinking about him. Think bigger, better, less annoying.'

'Like Ken?' Hikari teased.

Miyako's expression fell flat as she brandished her chopsticks.

'Lay a single finger on that boy and I will use these to end you.'