Chapter 18

Songs:

Hurricane, Thirty Seconds to Mars
Two, Sleeping At Last
You're Gonna Be OK, Jenn Johnson
Black, Keri Kimmel
Go to War, Nothing More

*Link to YouTube playlist in chapter 1!

**Fiddling was had. All mistakes are mine.

Edward

Voices echo down the hallway, reminding me Pop is going to want to call for church in the morning, but I pay them no attention. I walk into my room, kicking the door closed and laying Bella carefully on my bed. She curls into a tight ball, and I run a hand over her head, smoothing her hair from her face and praying she'll talk to me.

As I crouch beside the bed, her clouded eyes meet mine, and what I see in them—pain and fear—breaks my heart. "What happened, Bella?"

"I killed someone," she croaks. "Oh, my God. I killed a man ... in my living room." She turns and sits up, breathing rapidly as her entire body starts to shake.

"Hey, it's okay, Bella. He—"

"Okay? Okay? It's anything but okay!" She pushes me away and tumbles out of the bed, clumsily landing on her feet and running toward the bathroom. I follow her and watch as she drops to her knees to throw up into the toilet.

I stand behind her and gather her hair into one hand as I reach for a washcloth with the other, wetting it at the tap. When she's finally done heaving, I nudge her head back to rest against my legs and run the cool cloth over her forehead. "You okay now?"

She nods but remains silent.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella."

"I'm a murderer," she whispers. "Charlie is going to come and arrest me, and I'll leave Sammy all alone."

"Hey, stop. None of that is true. You're not going anywhere." I squat beside her and grasp her chin, turning her face toward mine. "He was there to hurt you, and you protected yourself. I'm just pissed at myself for not being there to protect you."

Her eyes are unfocused, distant, as she stares at my chest. "He was just there, hiding in the shadows, waiting for me. He would've killed me, wouldn't he? If I hadn't shot him?"

"Yeah, he probably would have."

She nods but says nothing else.

"Did he say anything? Say why he was there?"

"He said he was looking for something Masen took from Caius." She looks up at me with a furrowed brow. "Heroin, Edward. Masen took heroin from Caius Volturi. Why would he do that? Why would he risk it? Why would he risk me and Sam?" Her voice is small, broken.

"I don't know, baby. He ... he was desperate. I really think he felt like he was out of options."

Her eyes change before me, a spark igniting in her irises. "You knew, didn't you? Before now? You knew about the drugs?"

I exhale a heavy breath through my nose. "Yeah," I say softly, reaching a hand toward hers. "He left me a letter asking me to get rid of it if anything happened to him."

"Is there anything else you haven't told me?"

When I don't immediately answer, she pulls away and scrambles to her feet. "It seems like every time I turn around, I find out someone is keeping secrets from me."

"I didn't want to involve you if I didn't have to." I rise to my feet and follow her through my room.

She wheels around to face me as she reaches the door. "So, you weren't going to tell me?"

I shake my head. "No. I was going to figure out a way to get rid of it. There was no reason to involve you."

Her bloodshot eyes narrow. "You really haven't figured it out yet, have you? You still think it's okay to make decisions that affect me without fucking asking me what I think?" She pushes past me to leave.

Before she can, I grab hold of her arm and tug her back to me. "Where the hell do you think you're going?"

She tries to pull away, struggling against my hold. "I'm going home. I have a fucking body to get rid of."

"You're not leaving the clubhouse, Bella. I can't have you unprotected until Caius is—"

"Fuck Caius Volturi," she shouts, pushing against me. "Fuck the Kingsmen, fuck this club!"—her balled fists repeatedly beat against my chest—"Fuck Masen, and fuck you!" Finally, she collapses against me, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Months—years, it seems—of pent up emotions pour out of her, sobs wracking her body, and I hold her as she cries. Her fists still pound against my chest, but her hits grow weaker with every strike. When the fight finally leaves her body, she sags in my arms. I slide a hand under her legs and lift her up, carrying her to the bed. She curls against me, and as we lie together in silence, her tears slow and her breaths even out.

The noise beyond my door continues, but no one comes to bother us. I honestly don't give a fuck that there's still a dead body to deal with. Someone else will get rid of it. Right now, Bella is my only concern.

"I'm sorry," she says softly, her voice raspy.

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"I just ..." She pulls away and looks up at me. "I don't know how much more I can handle."

"I know," I say, kissing her forehead. "I'm sorry, Bella. I should have been there tonight. You know if I could, I'd fix it all. I'd do just about anything to make everything better."

"I'm not sure that's possible." Her eyes are full of sadness, and she looks fucking exhausted. "Can you just ... hold me?"

"I'll do whatever you need." I wrap my arms around her impossibly tighter, and she buries her face in my chest.

"Don't let me go," she whispers.

I drift in and out of consciousness, the warm body in my arms making it difficult to stay awake or asleep. The smell of her, her warmth … they're enough to lull me to dreamland, but I fight against it, not wanting to miss a moment of holding her.

I don't know when or if I'll have the chance again.

Hours pass, and at some point in my haze of sleepy wakefulness, my hand sneaked under her shirt, my palm splayed across her bare back. Even though I know I should move it, I don't. Instead, my fingers trace small patterns on her skin, the feel of her flesh on mine enough to bring back a flood of memories. But before I can get totally lost in them, she shifts in my arms, and I still.

"Why?" she whispers, breaking the silence.

"Why what?"

"Why did you kiss me?"

I could make up some bullshit excuse, but I've already told her how I feel. So, I give her the simple truth. "Because I couldn't stop myself."

She pulls away and looks up at me. So much doubt fills her gaze. "I need to know if all of this is because your brother asked you to look out for us, or if—" She stops, pressing her lips together.

"Or if what?"

"Did you really mean what you said that day? Do you still love me?"

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my pounding heart and twisting gut. "I've never stopped loving you, Bella." I search her eyes, and the doubt I find there only deepens. "Yes, Masen asked me to watch out for you and Sammy, but this goes beyond making sure you two are safe." I scoot down until I'm eye-to-eye with her and cup her cheek in my hand. "I've loved you since I was seventeen. Even when we broke up—when I fucked up and let the adults around me dictate my life—you were still the only one who had my heart."

She closes her eyes, and twin tears fall onto her cheeks. "Don't," she whispers. "Please."

"No, I need to say this, and you need to hear it. I spent so long wishing I could get a do over. That things had gone differently. I will always regret hurting you, and I'll never forgive myself for what I put you through."

My eyes burn, and I blink away tears as I think back to the months that followed our split. "But once Seth was born, things changed. I knew I had to let you go ... for good. I had to live with my choices ... even though every time I looked at him those first few months I wished—"

"Edward, stop—"

I nod, knowing it's of no use to go down the path of what if. I swallow hard, licking my lips to fight against the dryness suddenly invading my mouth. "When you moved on, when you and Mase got together, I felt like things were going to be okay—that you'd be loved. No, it wasn't me, but I knew Mase loved you."

"But it wasn't enough," she whispers.

"No, it wasn't. Bella, look at me ... please."

Her eyes open slowly, and some of the doubt is gone, replaced with just the smallest glimmer of guarded hope.

"I never stopped loving you. I still love you. I'm only asking for you to give me the chance to show you."

"I still love you, too," she says softly. "But I can't ... I'm not ..."

"I know, baby." I kiss her forehead, pressing my lips for a moment longer than I should. "I know. But I'm not going anywhere," I murmur against her skin. "I'll be here waiting until you're ready."

We lie like that, wrapped up in each other, as the morning sunlight starts to filter through the blinds, and I know our time together is coming to an end. The pounding on my door moments later confirms it.

Mac's voice booms through the door. "E! Carl is calling for church at ten."

"I'll be there," I shout over my shoulder.

"Duty calls, huh?" Bella asks, her eyes blinking open.

"Unfortunately."

She sighs and disentangles herself from my arms, moving to sit on the edge of the bed and wrapping her arms around herself.

I stand from the bed and walk to my dresser to grab a fresh shirt. The one I'm wearing is covered in fuck knows what from Bella rubbing her face in it most of the night. "Do you want to stay here? In my room, I mean?" I close the drawer and turn to face her. "I meant what I said last night. I really don't want you out there until Caius isn't a threat anymore."

"I know you don't want me to go home, but I really don't want to stick around here. These rooms ... this place ..." She looks around the room and back to me. "There are just too many memories here."

I nod once and step toward her, taking her hands in mine. "Then I'll take you to my place. You'll be safe there, and you can stay until I get back."

"From where, Edward? What's going on?"

I meet her gaze, and I know I can't lie to her. I can't keep anything else from her, but I also can't tell her I'm leaving to help kill a dozen or more men. So, I settle on guarded truths. "We have some business to take care of up north."

"Up north? The Kingsmen?" she deduces.

"We're going to put an end to this once and for all."

"So, you know where pretty much everything is," I say as I lead Bella through the foyer and into the great room. "There's frozen shit in the freezer, but if you want something else, I'd rather you call one of the prospects to bring it to you. I don't even want you calling for a fucking pizza to be delivered, okay?"

She nods as she walks behind me, her hands tucked into her back pockets.

"The guest room hasn't been used in a while, so you might want to air it out, change the sheets or whatever the fuck."

I look back at her, and she's cracking a smile. "Whatever the fuck?"

I grin right back at her. "Yeah. Or ..."

"Or what?"

I tentatively reach for her and pull her closer. Her hands come to rest on my chest as I loosely wrap an arm around her waist. All I want to do is bend down and kiss her, but I resist the urge.

"Or you could sleep in my bed."

Immediately, she tries to pull away. "Edward, I can't—"

But I hold tight. "Stop. What did I say?"

She lowers her gaze to my chest. "I can't—" She takes a deep breath and blows it out.

I tilt her chin up, forcing her to meet my eyes. "What?"

"I don't exactly feel comfortable sleeping where you've ..."

"That's what you're worried about? Bella, no," I say, shaking my head. "Baby, I've never brought anyone back here. I told you no one knows where I live except family and the club, and I meant that shit. You're ... I don't mean this the way it might sound, but you're the only woman I've brought back here."

"You want me to believe that?" She tries to pull away, and this time I let her. "Please don't lie to me."

"I've never lied to you."

She crosses her arms across her chest and leans against the kitchen counter. "You sure you want to go there?"

"I never lied to you. Yes, I broke a promise, but I never lied to you."

"Aren't they the same thing?"

"I broke a promise I made; one I had every intention of keeping. So, call it what you want, but my broken promise cost me everything." I step closer and gently uncross her arms, pulling her hands into mine. "It cost me a life with you, Bella. I'm not going to risk any shot I might have at a second chance with you by fucking up and lying. I won't hurt you that way again."

Her expression softens, and I can see in her eyes that she wants to trust me. But she's been hurt. And her bruised heart will take longer to trust, to heal from what my brother put her through.

"I promise," I whisper.

"I want to trust you, Edward, but ..."

"I know, baby. It's going to take time to earn it."

She nods and rests her forehead against my chest. I hold her for a long while, just breathing her in. Having her here, in my house, in my arms, is one step closer to having her in my life ... permanently.

"I need to go," I say softly, unwilling to release her.

She nods and squeezes me tighter, seeming just as reluctant to let me go. "Will you try and call me or just let me know you're okay? I know what you're about to do is dangerous, and ..." She pulls back and looks up at me, her eyes swimming with unshed tears. Her voice lowers to a whisper. "I don't think I can handle losing someone else I care about."

"I promise to check in when I can, okay?" My phone chimes with a text, and I know my time is up. I kiss the top of her head once more and release her. "I have to go. You call the clubhouse if you need anything, you got it?"

She nods once, wrapping her arms around her middle. "I will."

"Fuck it. I'll just have one of the guys hang around outside. Keep an eye on you. Then he'll be right there if you need anything." She shakes her head, opening her mouth to protest, I'm sure, but I shut her down. "Don't argue with me. I can't concentrate on what I need to do if I'm worried about you."

"Okay," she finally rasps.

"We should only be gone a few days. But I'll call to let you know if it'll be more than that. Just ... please promise me you'll stay here until I get back."

"I promise, but what about work? I can't afford to take off too much time."

"I'm sure Mac is already telling Rose what she needs to know, so she'll understand if you're out for a few days. Hell, Mac might insist she halt production until all this is over. And if it's the money you're worried about, I'll cover what you miss. Your safety is more important to me than a paycheck, Bella."

"I'm not worried about the money. I mean, I am, but you don't have to do that. With what you gave me for the bike, I'll be fine for a while." She opens her mouth but hesitates.

"What is it?"

"I don't guess I can get someone to bring my car here?"

I raise a brow. "You really asking me that?"

She manages a small grin and shakes her head. "Guess not."

I step toward the door, but I can't bring myself to walk through it. I spin around, and she's right there, her arms instantly going around my waist and her face pressed against my chest. I wrap my arms around her and breathe her in one more time before pulling back and tilting her chin up. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

She nods and releases me. "Be safe," she says softly.

"I will. You too, okay?"

Again, she nods, and I walk out the door, heading straight for my bike. I've gotta get my ass to church.

One by one, we file into the chapel. Trigger walks past me, rubbing his jaw after the pounding I just gave him. I shake out the soreness in my hand as I walk to my seat, and my eyes follow him around the room until he sits.

The fucker is still on my shit list for what happened last night. The only thing saving his ass from being in the hospital is the fact he got rid of the dead body in Bella's house. Agreeing to replace the flooring in her trailer isn't hurting his case, either.

The gavel bangs against the table, bringing the room to order.

Pop looks around the room, meeting the eyes of each member seated at the table. "The jackass in Bella's house last night was a low man, an enforcer sent by Caius Volturi to kill a woman. Does anyone know why in the hell he was there for her? Because it's not making any goddamn sense to me why he would want Bella dead."

I bite at the inside of my cheek, keeping the truth to myself. It won't do any good to spill Masen's secrets to everyone here. It would only tarnish his memory to all of these men, and I can't do that to my brother, even in death.

Mac speaks up. "Could just be intimidation. Something to get us all to react and go after them based on emotion instead of thinking shit through."

Pop nods his head in agreement. "Makes sense. We already know they want us out of the area so they can move in. They want us to fly off the handle, to hit them without thinking all the angles through."

"Then that's what we should do," I say, gaining everyone's attention. I sit forward in my chair, resting my elbows on the table and loosely lacing my fingers together. "We set up some bullshit hit on them. Make them think we're just reacting, striking back without a plan. And in the meantime—"

"In the meantime, we go after their operations in South Tucson," Tank says from his end of the table, and I nod in agreement.

"Exactly."

"That might actually work," Pop says, rubbing his chin. He points across the table at Trigger. "You can take Hawk and follow a few of their guys around, take them out and make sure they know it was us. They'll no doubt send out half their crew, thinking the rest of us are out there."

"Then we hit their warehouse," I interject.

"Then we hit their warehouse," Pop agrees with a nod. "If we take out most of their operation, we'll cripple them, at least for a while. Coming after us and our territory won't be an option."

"And it'll be like cockroaches scurrying when the lights come on," Jazz says with a wide grin. "We can take them out one by one."

"There's something else we need to talk about," Mac says, eyeing Pop. "García is asking about his next shipment."

"Shit," Pop hisses.

"Yeah. With Mase's funeral and everything else, he's been waiting for a shipment for weeks. I'm not sure how much longer we can put him off, or if we even should."

"No," Pop says, "you're right. But we're going to be spread a little thin if he insists on a meeting now. How long can he wait? Another week? Maybe offer him a discount or some shit."

I sit up straight in my chair, a ripple creeping up my spine as I say the words. "Tell him I'll meet with him."

Pop's brows furrow. "Why? We can make a run with Biers once all this shit with Volturi is over."

"No, I'll meet with him. Give him a face-to-face assurance that our relationship is still in good standing."

"You're sure as hell not going alone," Pop says.

"I'll take Jazz with me." I look over at my brother-in-law. "You good with that?"

He nods. "Yeah. I'll be ready to go whenever you are."

I turn to Pop. "Then it's set. We'll meet with him and get shit settled before we head to Tucson."

Pop eyes me speculatively, probably wondering why the hell I'm volunteering to meet with García when we have other, more important irons in the fire. "I'm sure he'll appreciate the in-person reassurance," he finally says, the words slowly rolling off his tongue, almost questioningly.

I nod, looking to Mac. "Set it up. I'll meet him tonight if he can make it."

"You got it, E."

"So, Trigger and Hawk will head out Monday morning, scope out the local Kingsmen hangouts and pick off a couple of their members. The rest of us will wait until tomorrow night to hit the warehouse. We'll go in silent. Boomer can set some fuses for us, and we'll blow the whole thing. Then we wait them out. Shouldn't be too hard. We take out as many as we can and take the legs off their entire operation. They'll have nothing to bring to our town, and not enough men to run it. Time to bring it to a vote?"

With nods all around, the vote goes around the table; every man gives his approval.

"It's unanimous. Looks like it's time for Volturi to hang up his crown." With a single tap of the gavel, the decision is made.

A/N: Looks like it's game on for the Outcasts and Kingsmen. Do you agree with Edward's decision to keep the info about the drugs to himself? Do you think this little mission will go off without a hitch? Do you think Bella's ready to put the past behind them? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

There are some great contests going on right now. I'm a judge for The Perfect Date Contest. The deadline for accepting entries has been extended until 5/30/20. You can find the contest page here on FFN under the author PerfectDateContest. And I'm also a judge for the A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words Contest, which is accepting entries now through 6/22. The contest page here on FFN is under the author APicureIsWorthAThousand Words. There are also Facebook groups for each, so be sure to check them out! And if you write or are even thinking of writing, get to it!

Oh! And TFMU Austin has officially been rescheduled for July 16-18, 2021. So, you've now got plenty of time to get your ducks in a row to be there! I have a feeling it's going to be one of the biggest and best yet. ;) Contact Angela Weber Cheney via Facebook or visit the blog, tfmutwificmeetup. Com for more info.

Remember, you can come chat with me in my Facebook group, Sunshine Fics. I also share teasers and chapter pics there every week. And you can follow me on Twitter at CSunshine1220, and on my blog sited in chapter 1. Thanks so much for reading!

Be kind.
Stay safe.
Stay well.

Lots of love
~Sunshine