A/N : We're coming close to the end. Finally. Three chapters left after this one.
Chapter 21
My Charming Lady
Life had become a bit of a balancing act for Alfred.
So strange and surreal, to feel such drastic emotional shifts mere minutes apart. To be so breathtakingly happy with Ludwig, to be so lost in that zone of perfection and harmony, and then to open the door and feel that creeping dread, anxiety, uncertainty.
The reverse, to come home seeped in apprehension and nervousness and then to find himself in Ludwig's arms, to shut the door behind him and let the world beyond dissolve away as he fell into Ludwig and the sense of love and protection he brought.
Ludwig was so happy, so bright, so engaged suddenly with the world and so optimistic, for the first time, and Alfred did everything he could to keep it that way. Absolutely kept himself just as bright and hopeful whenever he was with Ludwig, because he didn't want any of that light to dim.
Anything to hold on to that feeling.
If Ludwig felt safe when he was within Alfred's jacket, then Alfred's moment of safety came in those wonderful seconds that followed being wrapped up in Ludwig. That moment when he rested his head on Ludwig's chest and caught his breath, as time slowed and dulled, and Ludwig's hands ran over his back and shoulders. Fingers in his hair. A heartbeat underneath him.
Where he found his happiness.
Wouldn't lose that for anything, wouldn't let any of the dark creep in.
Keeping Ludwig content was his priority in life now, in this imaginary castle he was creating in his head. The old world didn't suit him anymore, didn't want him and he didn't want it, so he invented a new one entirely up in his mind. A world where he was very much the king, the knight, the ruler, where Ludwig was always safe under his arm and always smiling, where they could stand side by side, hand in hand, anywhere and anytime, where no one else existed but themselves. Nothing could ever go wrong, because Alfred commanded the universe entire. The movement of the sun, moon, stars, all carried out at his whim. The wind and rain and lightning came only at his call. The tides of the ocean were pulled by his order. Everything perfectly in harmony, perfectly planned, perfectly executed, and all, of course, at Ludwig's behest. Alfred was the king, but then that made Ludwig the queen, and of course the queen always pulled the strings. Anything and everything Alfred did was for Ludwig, and creating a brand new plane of existence hardly seemed more drastic than anything else he had done so far.
His castle was impenetrable.
But still imaginary, and there was the real world to suddenly deal with whether Alfred acknowledged it or not. At the same time trying so hard to blind Ludwig with cheerfulness, Alfred had to keep looking over his shoulder at the shadows creeping up behind them.
Seemed that word was getting out, and rumors had started.
Suddenly, Alfred was painfully aware of the looks he was getting in the street.
He had been so brazen, so careless, so undaunted. He had ignored Matthew and Francis so stubbornly, so foolishly, and was paying the price for it, so slowly but surely.
Alfred could only hold his head high, keep his stance ever confident, and try his best to carry on as if he hadn't ever noticed anything was wrong.
But, damn, some of the looks he got burned him, alright. Above all else, it worried the hell out of him, because he knew that Ludwig would be getting them too, soon, from his half, once they too caught wind of the rumors. Would be so much harder then to keep up his act, once Ludwig realized what was happening.
People he had known his entire life, had grown up around, had felt comfortable around, suddenly stopped in the street to stare at him. Whispers. One man he had gone to school with had passed Alfred, and when Alfred had crossed the street, he had glanced back to the see the man pointing at him, leaning down and whispering in his girl's ear. Her hand, flying up to cover her mouth.
Knew damn well what everyone was suddenly so fascinated about.
Not good.
He didn't like it when they stared at him, that went without saying, but it was tolerable, because he had always been able to just focus on what was in front of him. That alone would have been easy enough to just work his way around, but that couldn't be, because he had to worry about Ludwig now. Wouldn't let Ludwig notice, and strove ever more than before to keep Ludwig's eyes constantly on him when they walked, because he didn't want Ludwig to glance up haphazardly and see one of those looks of disgust. Wouldn't let him feel that way.
The real world came knocking at his fantasy one, and Alfred blocked it out and pretended. In his head, there was still only the two of them, and Alfred was very much the knight that would let no dragon pass.
Yeah...
Harder than he had expected it would be. Seemed to be just one thing after the other.
Now he had to worry about Ludwig's brother, too, and that was just one more ball to juggle.
Honestly, Gilbert kinda scared him.
Had more than just a few screws loose, that man. Wasn't his fault, really, nah, but it was frightening all the same, and very problematic for them when their entire objective was to keep a low profile.
But Gilbert was so violent, so aggressive, so belligerent, so volatile, so fearless, and above all else he was so insanely protective of Ludwig that it bordered on being something quite unhealthy. Alfred was a protective guy, yeah, and Ludwig had chided him more than a few times about it, but Gilbert took it so many levels beyond that he was on another planet. He didn't know if Gilbert had always been that way or if being ripped away from Ludwig like he had been had made it so, but it was a problem all the same.
When Ludwig took Gilbert out to the park, Gilbert walked beside of them like a damn guard-dog, head twisting this way and that as he observed his surroundings and everyone in his sights, and when people who may or may not have known Alfred happened to turn their eyes, however briefly or innocently, to Ludwig, Gilbert went off. Would make an aggressive motion with his hand, raise his terrifying voice, and shout at them until they skittered away.
Ludwig always grabbed Gilbert's arm and hissed at him, trying to wrangle him as it was, and Gilbert seemed very unbothered and carried on as if nothing had happened.
Not even the other Germans were safe, because Gilbert seemed as aggressive to them as he was to anyone else, and one time Ludwig had been talking to one of them, and they must have said something Gilbert had found unsatisfactory, because Gilbert had come forward and shoved the man's chest, screaming away as he always did, and run him off.
Alfred asked, but Ludwig wouldn't tell him what had made Gilbert so angry, because, really...
Maybe Ludwig just didn't know.
Gilbert seemed to go off sometimes at things that Alfred and Ludwig found perfectly normal and casual.
Easy to be frightened of Gilbert, easy to be exasperated with him, but harder to be angry with him, harder to hold it against him, because hell, the man had experienced something that was far beyond their ability to understand.
Couldn't be angry with Gilbert, because Gilbert had spent years upon years outside of society's rules.
It had been damn bad that first month, but after that Gilbert had seemed to pull back a little, to tone it down, and Alfred could only assume that Ludwig had laid down the law with him, so to speak, because it was clear that Gilbert struggled to keep control of his temper.
Tried hard, and sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn't. But it wasn't as bad as that awful first month, and Ludwig seemed to be relieved for it. It was clear that Gilbert was trying very hard, and Alfred would give him all due credit for that. Was unable to shake off that protectiveness he exuded around Ludwig in public, but it had been a good long while since he had started a confrontation.
But sometimes...
There were times yet when Gilbert still snapped, couldn't control himself, and one of those times came on a Friday evening. Alfred had almost been home when he had heard shouting.
Dread, absolute dread, because he knew Gilbert's terrifying voice a mile away.
Damn, that voice.
Skidded around the corner and onto his block, and of course there Gilbert was, a few yards away from the house, standing on the sidewalk and arms spread, chest puffed and head high, screaming for all he was worth at a man who was screaming right back at him, as Ludwig stood behind Gilbert, hands clenched in his shirt and trying to haul him back.
Impossible—Gilbert had gained a great deal of weight and strength since he had arrived, and Ludwig didn't stand a chance on a normal day, drastically less when Gilbert was riled up and pumped full of adrenaline like that. Essentially in that second Ludwig was trying to subdue an angry grizzly bear with his hands. Couldn't be done. Even Alfred would have had a massive challenge before him in that moment to drag Gilbert back merely a few paces.
Would try all the same. For Ludwig.
Alfred made a move and meant to dart forward and intervene, but was too late.
Gilbert had already lunged forward and punched the other man in the face, and a brawl quickly ensued. And, to be quite frank, Alfred wasn't really looking forward to getting dragged into it, so he instead bolted forward and grabbed Ludwig by the arm to drag him over to a safe distance.
Hated hearing Ludwig screaming at Gilbert like that, though, trying to call him off.
Alfred glanced over, grip on Ludwig inescapable, and tried to see who the hell had set Gilbert off.
Ah...
Alfred recognized him immediately as the man he had taken the gun from that day on the street, the one that had been hitting Ludwig, Felicia's brother. Lovino, his name was, if Alfred recalled correctly.
Whatever he had done or said, boy had he ever pushed Gilbert over the edge, and the way they were punching each other was actually quite brutal. Alfred couldn't help but wince from time to time, and Ludwig had long since gone hoarse and turned around, a palm over his eyes and extremely distressed.
Jesus Christ, Gilbert punched like a damn boxer, and Lovino, for having fled so quickly from Alfred that day, was doing an admirable job of actually giving Gilbert a run for his money. Maybe he wasn't all talk after all. Must not have been in the mood that day to kick Alfred's ass, because Alfred was realizing that he actually might have been able to, when he actually gave enough of a damn to lift his hand.
A cry from Gilbert, as Lovino's elbow connected with his nose, and Gilbert was stunned for just a moment, and fell back a step. An awful silence, as Gilbert and Lovino stared at each other, battered and bloody and breathing through their mouths.
Under Alfred's palm, Ludwig's shoulder was shaking as he tried very hard not to cry out of sheer frustration.
Alfred tried to figure out if it was safe to come forward and drag Gilbert away before round two could begin, and from the way Lovino was suddenly darting his dark eyes between Gilbert and Alfred, it was apparent that he was wondering if he was about to be tag teamed.
Nah—Alfred wasn't that shitty a guy.
...anymore.
And then suddenly, in the middle of that bloody impasse, Gilbert's stance completely loosened, his hands fell to his sides, his back straightened and his chin lifted, and, as blood poured from his nose down to the sidewalk, Gilbert started laughing.
Laughing.
Ludwig turned around at last, unscrewing his eyes and breathing almost as heavily as Gilbert was.
Crazy bastard, started laughing out of absolutely nowhere, and the sound of Gilbert's laugh was just as loud and brash as his voice, if not less intimidating, and Ludwig looked absolutely beyond alarmed as Gilbert burst into cackles right there in front of them. Lovino, blood running from his mouth, stared at Gilbert with what looked about as much alarm as Ludwig felt, but only for a split second, because then Lovino started laughing, too.
Alfred stood there uneasily, looking back and forth between them all and knowing that his problems were steadily mounting.
Lovino scoffed then, loudly, muttered, "You crazy son of a bitch," and then pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and stuck it in his mouth. As he clenched it there in his teeth and dug around for his lighter, Gilbert took a step towards him, and started muttering away in German.
Lovino lit his cigarette up, eyeing Gilbert through a squint of pain and annoyance, and Gilbert raised his hand up and gestured to Lovino. Lovino, so cooperative suddenly and looking very condescending, just sneered away at Gilbert, and yet passed him the cigarette all the same.
The next thing Alfred knew, Lovino and Gilbert were sitting side by side on the curb, passing the cigarette back and forth and chattering to each other in low tones even though they couldn't understand a damn thing the other was saying.
Holy shit.
Well. Guess that was one way to make a friend.
Ludwig stood there above them, watching the back of their heads, and was utterly slumped.
Lovino saw his shadow, looked up and back over at him, and said, to himself, "Your brother, huh? Pfft. No wonder you're such a wreck."
Gilbert glanced at Ludwig, who didn't say a word, and wiped at his nose as he giggled a little.
It was funny, it really was, and Alfred wanted to laugh about it because Gilbert and Lovino were, but Ludwig wasn't. Alfred couldn't laugh, not only because Ludwig looked so alarmed, but also because that was how he felt.
Gilbert might have been just one more bump in the road, impulsive and brash and fearless as he was. Gilbert being so aggressive and volatile would make it harder to keep everything calm, to keep everything in check. Gilbert tried, but that wasn't enough sometimes. If Gilbert couldn't keep control of himself when it mattered, then Alfred was worried that Ludwig's mood would founder. Had worked so hard to make Ludwig happy, and didn't want anyone or anything ruining it, even Gilbert.
Seeing that look on his face...
Even though he was worried and uneasy, Alfred still walked up to Ludwig, let out a bark of laughter, clapped a hand on his back to jostle him, and said, "Man! Your brother is a trip, huh? He's great! I'm glad he can take care of himself. That was a good show."
Didn't feel that way at all, but just wanted Ludwig to stop looking so concerned and anxious.
Gilbert, hearing them talking, passed the cigarette back to Lovino and looked up at them through his pale lashes, eyes squinted in the sun and lit up a pink shade for the brightness, and he muttered something to Ludwig with a careless wave of his hand, blood still dripping from his nose.
Ludwig sighed heavily, looked over at Alfred, perhaps for support, and Alfred just smiled at him and jostled him again. Smile, already. That look was killing him.
A long minute, and then Ludwig scoffed, shook his head, and suddenly Ludwig sat down there next to Gilbert, and Alfred was damn glad to see that he was smiling, if only half-heartedly.
What an odd sight that was.
Alfred plopped himself down there, too, and it was surely a bizarre moment for Ludwig, the four of them sitting there on the curb, men who not so long ago were very much enemies. Lovino leaned forward sometimes, dark hair lit up in the sun and cigarette clenched in his teeth, and Alfred could see the way he was scrutinizing Ludwig. A long rake, and then his eyes turned to Alfred. A distasteful curl of Lovino's lip.
Alfred knew then that everyone knew. At least the majority of them did, and it wouldn't be much longer before this community knew about it, too.
Wouldn't let Ludwig find out enough to worry about it. No matter how many damn lies he had to tell, no matter how much misleading he had to do. Didn't want Ludwig to know that they had been outed, so he didn't say a thing, and hoped to god Lovino wouldn't either.
Lovino didn't.
Just stared at them from time to time, murmuring quietly to Gilbert in Italian as Gilbert murmured back in German. They couldn't understand each other at all, but somehow seemed to like each other fine now that they had gotten done punching each other. Lovino's black eye was already forming.
Ludwig reached over, took Gilbert's head in his hands, turned him, and Alfred couldn't help but snort and smile as Ludwig was quick to lick his thumb and clean the blood from Gilbert's face exactly like a mother would.
Gilbert stared straight at Ludwig, eyes running over Ludwig's face and looking so serene for a man that had just finished brawling, and Alfred could see in his face then how much Gilbert loved Ludwig. Maybe, even, Gilbert looked at Ludwig and was remembering their mother. Gilbert was so scary as a whole, and yet somehow Alfred had never seen anyone else quite that expressive. Had never seen such an instantly recognizable expression of adoration.
Odd, to see it from such a frightening man.
And yet Ludwig stared right back at Gilbert, that beautifully soft look on his face, and it could have very easily been mistaken for a mother alright, tending to her roughed up, mischievous child.
The way Gilbert and Ludwig looked at each other still sometimes took Alfred off guard. Could feel that love for Ludwig so easily, but couldn't seem to get it to show upon his face as they could, and so seeing it was yet rather extraordinary.
Ludwig tended to Gilbert fussily, Lovino kept on raking Alfred up and down with a lifted brow, and Alfred turned his eyes to the street and hoped he could keep the act up.
So many people had let Ludwig down; didn't wanna be one of them.
Gilbert suddenly whispered something that Alfred really hoped was an apology, because Ludwig sure as hell deserved one. May have been, because the crinkle in Ludwig's brow softened.
Until that point, Gilbert had been doing fairly well, more and less, and Alfred supposed that it was quite forgivable for Gilbert's loss of control to be brought on by Lovino, because Lovino seemed to have a way of bringing out the worst in everyone. If there was anyone that could have tripped Gilbert's wire, it was certainly that man. Maybe it was for the best that they got it out of their systems in a rather more private setting, and maybe even punching Lovino would get off Gilbert's edge and keep him more in control of his temper for a good while.
As with everything else, Alfred would do his best to blind Ludwig to it, and that night, as Ludwig sat so morosely at the table, Alfred dragged him over to the couch and distracted him in his favorite way. Prayed that he could be just enough to make Ludwig forgot about the dreadful day.
Maybe he was; Ludwig's hands ran up and down his back and through his hair as enthusiastically as they always did.
Up in his mind, Alfred's imaginary castle was intact, secure, and Ludwig was safe up in the tower as Alfred kept watch from below. Their walls had yet to be breached.
Couldn't last.
Shame the real world didn't bow to his whim as he felt it should have.
Two weeks after Gilbert's confrontation with Lovino, Alfred finally had his own confrontation, although it was certainly less physical and bloody. Had been a long time coming. In some way, even, Alfred was surprised it had taken as long as it had.
Had been minding his own business, as he always did nowadays with that target on his back. Had gone to his usual general store without a second thought. He couldn't really say that he actually needed anything at all, but browsing was satisfying to him nonetheless, and he picked up a few packs of aspirin in the end because damn if his head wasn't pounding every day now.
He threw the aspirin on the counter, and realized suddenly how damn quiet the store was. He lifted his eyes, and felt a surge of anxiety.
Everyone had fallen still, and they were all staring at him.
Just staring.
The owner, a man he had known for years, having frequented this place several times a week, was damn near gawking at him. A twinge of shame, pushed quickly away, because he hadn't done anything wrong.
A long, awful silence, as everyone stared at him. Alfred lifted his chin and swept his eyes over them all in turn, shoulders braced and stance aggressive, and he didn't get what the hell everyone's problem was, until the shop owner suddenly said, rather abruptly, "Go shop somewhere else, Alfred."
An awful burn of adrenaline.
Embarrassment.
His first instinct was to raise holy hell and cause a ruckus and a fight, as he would have before, but now there was someone else to think of, someone else to worry about, and so even though it killed his pride, Alfred just took a step back to the door, holding eye contact with the owner, and griped, as he exited, "Gladly. Who would shop in this shit-hole, anyway? Good riddance."
His heart hammered painfully as he stalked back out onto the street, and he found himself walking around aimlessly for a good while before he calmed down and got his head screwed back on.
Damn—felt as if his efforts to hold everything together were falling more and more apart.
There was that headache, sure enough, and no aspirin to show for it.
Oh, Ludwig.
Didn't ever want this to happen to him, although to be perfectly honest it certainly already had, many times, just for a very different reason. Still hurt to think about it, although Ludwig may not have been as bothered as Alfred was. Ludwig was used to being in the dirt; Alfred was used to being on someone else's shoulders. Feeling like that hurt.
He stalked about the streets for a good long time, because he didn't want to go home right off. Didn't want Ludwig to pick up on anything.
Pretending.
When the sun had long since set and the moon lit up the clouds, Alfred finally conceded and went home.
Home; his home now, Ludwig's tiny little place, and it was Alfred's responsibility to make certain that nothing ever went wrong beyond this door. That duty had fallen to him the very second he had asked to live here, and he wouldn't fail in that.
However hard it became.
He stood there before the door for a long while, reaffirming his confidence and faith in himself, because he had chosen this role of knight, had committed to it, and wouldn't let Ludwig see for one moment that anything had shaken him. In Ludwig's eyes, he was invincible, and for that Alfred would have taken upon the wrath of the world entire should it have given the slimmest of chances for Ludwig to pass the day without ever once losing his smile.
Anything.
With one final breath, he calmed himself, at least on the surface, steeled his will, and pushed through the door.
Just like that, one more day down, one more test complete, one more trial passed.
One day at a time, now.
Alfred's schedule wasn't always consistent, he wandered frequently, and had no set time of return, and was glad for that because Ludwig would never think to ask him why he was 'late', because he wasn't. Not really.
At this rate, the only thing that really would have given Alfred away was his constant and endless staring. He found himself always staring at Ludwig, very intently, at all times, because he was paranoid and trying to determine whether or not Ludwig was experiencing anything unpleasant. Was so scared that he would come home one day to a distraught Ludwig, after he had worked so hard to drag Ludwig out of those shadows. Didn't want them to come back.
Work was a little quieter these days. The guys didn't joke around with him as much as they used to, although they still spoke to him. Alfred may have been to blame for that one, given that he spent his entire time lost in thought and fretting.
As if all of that wasn't enough, now there was the old man.
Checking in on his father was becoming unpleasant rather than annoying, because the old man's sleep schedule was entirely erratic, no rhyme or reason, and sometimes now, no matter what time of day or night he went, Alfred would end up coming face to face with his conscious father.
That first time—oh, god.
Horrendous.
One of the most awful moments Alfred had had in recent memory, and that was because the old man had seen him there in the door, stood up, clamored over, and had hugged him in a second.
Hugged him.
Couldn't remember the last time.
He was surprisingly strong in that moment, and Alfred stood there utterly bewildered and paralyzed, unable to pry himself out of that embrace for his sheer immobility. Couldn't move, couldn't speak, and he didn't know if that was because he was so stunned by the act itself or if it was from that awful rising of what he hoped to god wasn't guilt.
That horrible feeling; didn't know what it was, but he felt so bad, so bad, and when the old man finally pulled back, he clapped Alfred's shoulder heavily and said, "There you are! 'Bout time you came home, son. Let's sit down. Are you hungry? Let's make dinner together."
Alfred stood there, dazed and dumb and silent, as his father wandered into the kitchen, and Alfred could see that he looked back very frequently to make sure that Alfred was still there, that he hadn't tried to flee again.
He had forced Francis to come have dinner for his own benefit, and that was really the reason that day that Alfred stayed put and didn't walk out. Hated that smile on his father's face when Alfred finally regained his senses and took a step into the kitchen. As always, Alfred just let his mind wander to Ludwig and used him as a means of grounding his emotions while in duress.
Didn't make it less awkward.
Sitting there over dinner like so many times past, his father chatting away and making up for lost time, and Alfred tapping his fork on his plate and uncertain about how he even felt.
If his father really loved him, had really missed him that much, Alfred couldn't help but wonder how far his father would push the threshold of his comfort for his son.
If the old man could just accept that Alfred wasn't going to go back to the way things had been before, if he could get onboard with Alfred's life going in a different direction, then maybe there was hope for them to keep in touch.
Alfred glanced up, at his smiling father, and after a hesitation asked, pointedly, "So, heard any nice rumors about me, lately?"
Wanted to know once and for all where he stood, because he was smiling and talking now and Alfred didn't know if he really even knew or not.
A silence.
His father's smile fell, his eyes lowered to his plate, and there was a long awkwardness before his father finally waved his hand and said, gruffly, "They're not true. I stopped answering the phone."
Ah. Denial, then.
Alfred had created his castle, and the old man had just stopped picking up the ringing phone. Pretending must have run in the family. A distasteful thought, and so Alfred stood up at last, placed his hands on the table, met his father's eyes, and confirmed, sternly, "Whatever you hear is true. Stop lying to yourself. It won't change anything."
With that, Alfred turned and walked out, and was a bit surprised when his father called to him from the doorway as he escaped.
When next they came face to face, the old man could figure out where to go from there. Take it or leave it. Alfred did wonder, briefly, if his father would have been less devastated if Ludwig weren't German. If Alfred falling in love with, say, Matthew would have been less horrifying to him.
But it didn't matter, any of it, because the next time Alfred swung by and his father was awake, he wasn't lucid. Was in one of those moments of what must have been dementia, because he clapped Alfred's shoulder, led him to the couch, and startled berating him for staying out so late when his grades were so low.
Hated how much that hurt, how awful that made him feel.
Really did feel like a kid again as his father lectured him about classes long since gone.
Alfred stayed that time until the old man fell asleep, and could barely pick his eyes up from the floor even later on when Ludwig was holding him up against him and kissing the back of his neck.
Had liked it better when his father had just been a loud, violent bastard that was easy to hate. Just pitiful now, whether he knew it or not, and Alfred really just wished he could have woken up one day with no father at all so he wouldn't have to keep feeling guilty.
Stress built up.
Ludwig. Gilbert. The old man. The city. The rumors. Strangers.
Everything.
Utterly and completely overwhelming.
In the meanwhile, as Alfred had to pretend to the world that his own relationship didn't even exist, it was rather unfair to notice that Matthew's uncertain relationship seemed to be blossoming quite well. Alfred wanted to be happy for him, and he was, yeah, but it still stung all the same. Was jealous of Matthew, under it all, because Matthew could grab Felicia's hand whenever he felt like and walk her down the street. Matthew could kiss Felicia's cheek. Matthew could rest his hand on Felicia's back.
Not fair.
Matthew had gone from 'it's nothing serious' to quite the little Romeo, it seemed. Hadn't ever known that Matthew had that in him at all, really, but Felicia paying Matthew attention seemed to bring out the best in him. Honestly, sometimes Alfred glanced over and felt like he was looking into a mirror, because he saw quite a bit of himself there in Matthew.
Confident suddenly and very much in charge, so eager to lead Felicia around and keep a protective watch over her at all times.
Alfred was happy for him, yeah...
Just wished it was that easy for him.
All Matthew had to worry about was Lovino, while Alfred had the world shifting all around him.
Well. Couldn't blame Matthew for it, and didn't want to drag him down, so Alfred left him to his devices and stayed back, observing them from afar frequently but never really coming forward to engage with them. Watching them was nice. Could look at them and pretend. See what it would have been like for him if things had been different.
Matthew deserved to be happy, for all the grief Alfred had put him through over the years, and all Alfred could do was try to make Ludwig smile the way Matthew made Felicia.
Alfred watched them, and tried to gauge what made Felicia happiest.
Maybe...
Nah. He'd probably get punched in the face if he tried to dunk Ludwig backwards and kiss him. Ludwig probably wouldn't appreciate being twirled around like Felicia did.
...or would he?
Hard to say, but always worth a shot, at least once. It was easy enough to tell what Ludwig liked and what he didn't, even though he never said it aloud.
Anyway, even if Ludwig didn't like the weird things Alfred was coming home with, it was still good enough to have seen it once. To see that look of surprise and sometimes adoration on Ludwig's face.
Alfred spied Matthew grabbing Felicia by the waist, picking her up and twirling her around in a circle, as she squealed and grabbed Matthew around the neck, and Alfred loved the way they smiled at each other when he set her down. Cute. Alfred went straight home that night and grabbed Ludwig, but Ludwig's squeal was more of an alarmed cry, because halfway through the spin Alfred had nearly dropped Ludwig because he was a hell of a lot heavier than the last time Alfred had picked him up and for that Alfred hadn't braced correctly. Ludwig wasn't frail and so willowy anymore, and sometimes that slipped Alfred's mind.
They had had a good laugh out of it, when Ludwig's life stopped flashing before his eyes, and that was so worth it.
To know that Ludwig was happy.
And so happy.
Didn't even know that Ludwig could ever be so happy, with Alfred on one side and Gilbert on the other. As if suddenly the sun had come out, for the way Ludwig shined now. It was incredible, it really was. Hadn't known it was possible at all, seeing him all those years in limbo.
It was worth the strain, the stress, the pretending. Bottling it up and keeping Ludwig in the dark was so worth it when Ludwig smiled like that.
Carried on. Couldn't doubt himself.
Alfred made his way home from work one Tuesday evening, walking far more briskly now than he ever had before, no more ambling and strutting so much as slow-jogging. Didn't want to take his time on the street anymore. It was only a matter of time, after all, before he eventually ran into his old 'friends', who had no doubt heard all the rumors and would be very eager to get a little even with Alfred for their prior spat.
Someone found him that day, but not who he expected.
He was stopped very suddenly and very randomly by someone calling his name from behind.
"Alfred! Wait. A moment!"
Oh, no—
Knew who it was, and took a good many more steps yet as he struggled with himself as to what to do. Alice. To stop and give her the time of day, or to keep on and pretend he hadn't heard her. The latter was preferable, but somehow all the same Alfred found himself slowing down, and then falling completely still.
High heels, clacking on the sidewalk behind him.
He took a deep breath for courage, steadied his shoulders and his will, and turned around to face her.
Alice, alright. As put together as always, pretty as ever, dress long and thick for the cold, and Alfred tucked his hands in his pockets as she came up to him and fell to a halt. An awkward silence. It had been a long time since he had seen her, and it was almost surreal when she was suddenly standing in front of him. What was he supposed to say?
Nothing, in the end, because he foundered and she was the one to eventually speak first.
She stared at him for a long time, biting her bottom lip, and then she began, tentatively, "I've heard... Well. That is, there's been some talk about you, Alfred."
Oh, really. Please, tell me more.
He wasn't that interested, because he already knew what she was gonna say.
Still, though, he uttered, gruffly, "Oh, yeah? I hadn't noticed."
Felt so awkward around her.
She looked around a bit, likely feeling just as awkward, and then she turned her eyes to her shoes for a second, looked up through her lashes, and asked, lowly, "Is it true? About... Well, what they're saying, about you and...him. Is that true?"
The embarrassment he felt then wasn't because he had been caught, wasn't because everyone knew about him and Ludwig. Embarrassed, in a way, because, despite it all, he hadn't ever really wanted to hurt her.
Well. No point in denying. No point in raising her hopes. Best to just get it over with.
So, he sighed, rolled his shoulders, lifted his chin, and said, simply, "Yeah."
A silence.
She stared at him from above that low chin, head still ducked down, and then she lowered her eyes, furrowed her brow, and appeared deep in thought. Guess she hadn't really believed it.
She was shifting, then, as she tried to form words.
"Well. So, you and him are... Well. I mean, I guess it's none of my business. I didn't think... Well, then. I suppose that's that."
Alfred lifted his chin, she lifted hers in turn, and when her brow came down and she began to look increasingly upset, Alfred did what he always did to her and just turned and walked away. He left her behind, as he often did, and tried to cast her from his mind.
Hadn't really ever wanted to hurt her like that, but she was really the very least of his concerns these days. A hurt and dejected Alice was no threat to him, was nothing at all, and there were many more concerns and hidden dangers lurking around.
Couldn't even go into a store anymore without looking over his shoulders and making sure no one was coming up behind him.
He had started shopping on new streets, much farther from home, places he had never gone, because no one knew him on that side and no one cast him a second glance. Safer for him that way, and less stressful.
It was around then, seeing how no one looked at him twice on the other side, that Alfred began to get the idea into his head to pack Ludwig up and move him somewhere else. Anywhere, really. Maybe to Queens. Maybe to Staten Island. Hell, maybe outside of the city entirely. Would be nice to get out, to get away.
Not perfectly possible at the moment, with his father the way he was, and so Alfred just mulled it over at night as he stared at the ceiling and Ludwig slept away beside of him.
Tempting.
Very tempting, because the next day Alfred was walking home when he glanced over to see a squad car rolling up slowly next to him. Officers he recognized by face alone, because they had always been a couple of the ones chiding them as Alfred and his 'friends' had been harassing the immigrants. The ones who chided only because it was their job but never made a move to intervene because they just didn't care about a few Japs or Nazis. This time, though, they gave Alfred a good long look over, casually moving along with him as he stared back at them, and he wondered if he was about to be arrested, for some made up reason or another.
The problem with rumors about Alfred, after all, was the previous bit of power Alfred had had in these parts, and for that he fell harder. Alfred was well-known, and that was his downfall now. Had come from a powerful circle of war heroes, in both father and friends, and this new shift was easily attracting far too much attention.
The patrol car stalked him along the quiet neighborhood street for a while, before one of the officers finally asked, "What are you up to, boy?"
"Going home," Alfred grumbled, hands in his pockets and staring straight ahead. "That illegal now, sir?"
A snort.
"Nah. What you do inside of it might be, though."
Would have told them to kiss his ass and maybe flipped them off, but the urge to be defiant died down at the thought of Francis having to come try to bail him out of the Tombs.
Alfred just kept his head up and walked on, and finally said, when the irritation was too high, "Come find me when you got somethin' on me, then."
They laughed a little, and it was probably only because they might have yet liked Alfred a bit that they didn't use his smart mouth as cause to pull over and hassle him over something or another.
Eventually, they lost interest and pulled away.
Didn't go back home until the car was long out of sight, just because he didn't want them knowing so easily which door was his. They wouldn't bother him at home, anyway, because they couldn't. Street harassment was fine, but they still had rules to abide by, and couldn't come knocking at his door without cause.
He tried to ignore them and forget about them.
Harder to ignore certain other people.
Three days after Alfred had confessed to Alice, she found him again.
Alfred once more heard her calling his name from behind, and that time he stopped, with a sigh and a roll of his eyes, if only because he was actually dumbfounded that she was even speaking to him at all now that she knew about him.
What more could she possibly want?
He twisted around as she came up to him, and this time her head was as high as it had always been, no more of that awkward shuffling, and she met his eyes evenly.
He waited, silently, and it didn't take her too long to speak up.
"Alfred, I wanted to speak to you. I talked to my father about you."
Alfred snorted, gave a half roll of his eyes, and wondered where the hell this was even going to go. Hated thinking about how that conversation had even gone, how in the world Alice had ever even said it. Ah, hell, as bold as she was she had probably just gone straight home and said, 'Daddy! Alfred is in love with another man! What do I do now?'
A shame, though, because her father might have been a person Alfred would have rather kept in the dark only to have him somewhat on Alfred's side, because that man had a good bit of clout, had a good reputation, and would have served Alfred well if it had come down to it, especially with the cops.
Gone, now, as much as everything else.
When Alfred offered no words, Alice carried on, "He told me that there was just something wrong with you. That I should just stay away from you and leave you alone, for now. He said he would talk to your father about it."
A sting, a pang of hurt, but Alfred rolled back his shoulders all the same, looked around, and finally asked, a bit mockingly perhaps, "So then why are you here?"
The obvious answer was that Alice just did the opposite of whatever her father told her to do for the most part.
Wondered, even, if maybe Alice clung to some odd hope that her father could somehow convince Alfred's old man to convince Alfred to change his mind.
Bizarre.
She didn't back down from him, because she never had, and kept her eyes locked onto his as she hesitated, and then said, in a much softer voice that Alfred almost didn't recognize, "Because I... I like you, and I know what it feels like to have everyone think that there's something wrong with you. Everyone's always thought that I'm crazy. I know, even if they never say it to my face. You, too. I know."
Alfred averted his eyes from her, squirming a little as that unexpected rush of embarrassment came up. Maybe a little guilt.
Yeah, he sure had always thought she was loopy. The whole school had, and now that they were grown the whole city did, too.
It was nice to hear her empathize, sure, but it wasn't nearly the same. Alice's craziness was a great topic of gossip, but it was harmless. Just something fun to chat about, because people still liked and respected Alice and no one would have ever thought to treat her differently just because she read strange books in the library. Her 'oddity' and Alfred's 'oddity' were incomparable, and she didn't really understand, although he appreciated the effort.
What she said next though...
That really threw him.
She trailed off, as if steadying something inside of her, and then, with a great inhale, she lifted her head, straightened her shoulders, braced her feet, and said, somewhat firmly, "If you ever need to...talk, or anything, I'm always around. I don't... Ah. I don't care what they've been saying, Alfred, I really don't. I like you, I always did. And I wouldn't— Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Whatever they say. If you ever need help, I'll be around. I can still talk daddy into anything, you know."
And, well.
He hadn't expected that. It took him off guard, completely by surprise, and more than anything else, it made him feel uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable because, in a way, he felt suddenly guilty.
...hell.
All that time treating her the way he had, and she was the first person to come up to him, after all the rumors, and offer him a little support. Whether she meant it or not didn't matter, as much as it didn't with Francis. She very well could have been put off, but her politeness would never allow her to say so outright. It didn't matter if she just wanted to stay on his good side, to remain in his sights and in a favorable position should something happen and she found herself once more in the running. None of that mattered at all.
What mattered was that she tried, regardless of sincerity, and Alfred felt bad about it.
Actually, he felt pretty shitty.
She hadn't had to come back. She had gotten the truth from him, and they had parted ways. She hadn't been obligated to come back to him and say that, but she had, and that meant more to him than he could ever really hope to express.
He stood there for a long time, ever slouching, and then he heard himself say, in a whisper, "Thank you."
Had to be her, of all people.
To be fair, maybe it would take the craziest woman in the city to ever actually think that maybe Alfred wasn't so weird after all.
She stared at him, face so serious and looking a little down for it all, and all Alfred could think to do was to say, a bit more forcefully, "Thanks. Really."
Alice nodded her head, gave him one more long study, and then she suddenly turned on her heel and walked away. The first time Alfred could ever recall that she had walked away from him of her own volition.
He started walking, too.
She walked away from him.
...why did that bother him so much suddenly?
At the last second, he stopped in his tracks, turned around, and called to her back, "Hey! Wait. Alice."
She stopped, looked back, and she was smiling, as she always had before. He was kinda happy, though he wouldn't admit it.
"Yes?"
Alfred smiled too when he said, with his hands in pockets, "Say! Why don't you come walk with us today?"
She nodded her head, her smile much brighter, and Alfred was glad. Strange, to want to see her happy like that when he had run away from her relentlessly for years. Maybe his father had been the one to cause his aversion to her, as much as it had Ludwig.
He started walking again, she fell into step beside of him, and it was the first time that Alfred had walked beside of her and not ahead of her, the first time he looked over at her and chatted with her as they ambled. The first time he hadn't wanted to get away from her. The first time he had felt a little twitch of affection for her.
And he wasn't blind to the fact that when he walked with Alice, no one sent Alfred a second glance. No dirty looks. No grimaces of disgust.
Best not to mull it over, and Alice's cheerful look was pleasant enough to distract him.
She wasn't so bad.
She wasn't so bad?
Is that what Alfred had just said to him? Must have misheard!
One of the most awkward moments Ludwig had recently had, for sure, almost as bad as when Alfred had brought his uncle over. To look up from the couch and smile as Alfred came through the door, only to freeze up like a deer when he saw that girl behind him.
Oh—!
Had been immediately uncomfortable, irritated, annoyed and nervous, but Ludwig politely stood up and came forward all the same, although Alfred didn't bring her through the threshold and instead slapped Ludwig's arm, saying, eagerly, "Let's go for a walk."
Wasn't asking, and therefore Ludwig knew he didn't have a choice, and with Alice back there waiting expectantly and popping on her toes to gawk at him over Alfred's shoulder, Ludwig merely grabbed his coat and exhaled heavily.
Oh, boy, would Alfred ever owe him for this one. What in the world had gotten into him? Ludwig had been under the impression that Alfred had done everything in his power to avoid and escape her, so he couldn't understand now why Alfred had so brazenly brought her to their home.
Ludwig sent Alfred his dirtiest look as he stepped out into the cool air, and that was when Alfred had leaned in, pressed his lips into Ludwig's ear, and whispered, "She's not so bad. Let's just have a good time. She'll like it."
Ludwig turned his head and stared at Alfred as if he had crawled up from hell.
Astounded and flabbergasted.
Alfred seemed content enough, bold and brazen and bolstered as always, and was quick to fall into the middle of Ludwig and Alice, leading them along like the buck he was. Ludwig's glares didn't faze Alfred at all, and as they made their way towards the center, Alfred was so exuberant and excited that he threw his arms out and rested one on either of their shoulders.
Alice looked enthralled, and Ludwig squirmed.
Maybe Alfred did it because he couldn't do it when it was just him and Ludwig, and having a woman there with them gave Alfred an opportunity to touch Ludwig in public without incurring unwanted attention.
...he wasn't jealous. Absolutely not. Wasn't at all jealous by how happy Alice looked to be under Alfred's arm.
He wasn't jealous. Really. It was just a new experience was all, and this woman was a stranger that hadn't exactly ever been particularly pleasant with him on occasions prior. He found himself quite uncomfortable around her, but not because he was worried about her somehow charming Alfred. Wasn't like that.
Mildly unpleasant.
He knew that this woman was in love with the same man he was in love with, and therefore feeling a bit of unease was natural. More so now that Alfred truly was his. Hadn't been any of the other times they had met, and it was different now. Alfred must have told her about them, surely, couldn't imagine that she just didn't know. That was almost worse, because walking with her now, he could stand there and think that perhaps she would like him even less for having stolen Alfred away from her.
Hadn't wanted to steal anyone from anyone, hadn't wanted to cause her any undue duress, but Alfred was his, and that was that.
She seemed a bit less sharp than before, though, so that was something Ludwig could be grateful for. Didn't really seem malicious. Never really had, come to think. Just the way she was, he supposed. Not her fault. She probably didn't intend to come off as snooty and unpleasant as she did, as much as Ludwig hadn't ever really meant to come off as cold and unfriendly.
Anyway, Alfred said she wasn't so bad, so Ludwig could only take his word for it. So Ludwig just stood there at Alfred's side and suffered her, because she hadn't ever done anything to him and she wasn't bothering him.
Much.
As they walked, Ludwig noticed that Alice kept glancing over at them, when she thought they weren't looking, and he was a bit surprised, actually, because it wasn't what he had expected. The way she was looking at him then wasn't anything like she had before. She had looked at him before as if he were a bug, and yet now suddenly she couldn't seem to stop staring at him, and her look was much less intense. Seemed curious, almost, as if she were seeing the moon for the first time.
Sometimes, Ludwig thought that maybe he had seen her smile.
…how was she still so creepy?
Alfred, elated and clearly happy for whatever reason, suddenly said, "Let's go see a show, shall we?"
Instantly, Alice replied, "That sounds lovely."
Alfred turned to look at him, and from his high brow and lidded eyes, Alfred was very fully aware that he was pushing Ludwig to the limits and was enjoying himself for it.
With yet another failed glare, Ludwig just made a noncommittal grunt that was a nonverbal concession. Couldn't really refuse after Alice had already accepted. Would be so rude.
Alfred looked smug and content, and began making his way to the theater. It was a Friday evening, though, and the theater was a very popular destination. They weren't the only ones making their way there, and that was, in the end, why they didn't make it at all.
They were distracted by the sound of screaming, of a brawl, and Alfred's arms came flying off of Ludwig and Alice as he went into that 'hero' mode he had in a blink. The one that could so easily cause trouble but was far too charming to hate. Ludwig would have rolled his eyes if he hadn't recognized the loudest of the voices and knew exactly who it was and what was happening.
Of course he was right, and when they went a few blocks down Ludwig saw there across the street exactly what he had expected.
Luna Lovi, of course, raising hell, but this time his wrath was directed at a hapless Matthew, who had no doubt been trying to take Felicia on a nice night to the theater, too. Could see her there, struggling to get in between Matthew and Lovino as Matthew kept trying to shove her back behind him and she kept trying to shove him back behind her.
Ludwig did roll his eyes that time, but Alfred jerked forward suddenly, no doubt at seeing some lunatic screaming like that at his best friend. Alfred stopped short, though, because by now Alfred knew just about as well as everyone else that Luna Lovi was all talk. Had seen Luna Lovi cause hell without causing harm too many times, and eventually Alfred's posture slumped and he just shook his head with a grimace. Only Gilbert had ever gotten Lovino to actually use his fists, and passive Matthew wouldn't evoke such rage.
Matthew probably didn't know that Luna Lovi was all hot air, because he looked pretty terrified, and Ludwig caught Alfred's eye and jerked his head, murmuring, "Your turn."
"My turn?" Alfred griped. "I took the gun last time. It's your turn."
"Gilbert counts as my turn. And even if he didn't! You would really make me? I thought you were the man of the house..."
Ludwig only said that because he was cranky that Alfred had forced him on a walk with Alice, but it certainly played well to Alfred's ego.
Alfred opened his mouth, sputtered something incomprehensible, rolled his eyes, and took a step forward.
Because that was true, after all.
Alfred was intending to intervene, but not before Luna Lovi suddenly got to scare the living daylights out of poor, poor Matthew.
"Didn't I tell ya to stay away from her? I told you already!"
Lovino's wide chest puffed out aggressively, dark hair poking out from his unbuttoned collar, and he thrust his hand under his open coat and into his belt, pulling out his gun as easily as someone else pulled out a handkerchief. Ludwig had nearly rolled his eyes again; they were going to get stuck at this rate. Looked like Lovino had found another pistol. How many guns did people have to take from this man? What a whacko.
Matthew went pale as a sheet and tried very hard to drag Felicia out of sight, but Luna Lovi's cheeks were already red with anger, and he took a step forward.
Alfred took another step, too, and was on his way.
Not quick enough, though, because someone else beat him to the punch. Alfred's girl, that snooty little Alice, suddenly rushed forward, and for one crazy, delirious moment, Ludwig thought that she was going to thrust herself into the line of fire to protect someone else. Impulsively, Alfred had reached out to snatch her arm, but wasn't quick enough, and she had darted across the street before he could stop her, dodging traffic like an expert with her dress held up.
What a woman.
Alfred cursed and rushed after her, Ludwig after him, and how all three of them had made it to the other side of the street without ending up under a taxi was a minor miracle that Ludwig could never explain.
Dumb luck.
But instead of defending Matthew, Alice went up to Luna Lovi without fear, her gloved hands gathering up the end of her dress, and she said to him, somewhat breathlessly, "Oh, my! What's all this?"
She looked back and forth between Matthew and Lovino, but it was very clear that the situation itself didn't hold her interest as much as Lovino did.
Lovino, eyes wide and brow very low, opened his mouth, and did something incredible.
He lost his voice.
Well, that was a first. That bastard had always had something to say.
Alfred came up, intending to grab Alice and drag her back, but once more he fell still and hesitated, because Lovino's eyes were entirely on Alice then and for just a moment he looked as if he had forgotten Matthew existed.
A moment of scrutiny, thinking, and then Alfred took a step back and decided to watch the show.
Alice looked Luna Lovi up and down, her critical eyes very bright, and she leaned forward when she spoke again, and her voice was strangely husky as she asked, "Who are you? How do you know Matthew? Do you always carry a gun with you? Are you dangerous, or something?"
Ludwig and Alfred shared a furtive look, and Alfred shifted his weight, tilted his head, and then placed his hands in his pockets.
And just like that, the situation was diffused.
Matthew tried to slink off, but was held in place by Felicia.
Ludwig, knowing Matthew would get over it with Felicia's coddling, followed Alfred's lead and contented himself to watching free entertainment.
Before them, Alice was still staring at Lovino, who suddenly came back to himself with a clearing of his throat, as he tucked his gun away and crossed his arms instead over his chest, trying to look tough as always.
His loud, rough voice was a little higher than usual when he said, "Oh, yeah! I always carry a gun, you know, since I'm such a big guy around here, I have to keep myself safe. And you know, if someone pisses me off, then I can pull it out and shoot them right there. That's how it goes around here."
Ludwig nearly cringed.
What a jerk.
Far from being appalled, Alice dropped her dress, straightened up to her full height, and began to smooth out the ruffles of the fabric, a strange smile on her face. She was very pretty then, Ludwig could say, pale hair glinting in the city lights and her cardigan matching her green eyes so well. She was just a little bit taller than Lovino, and her instilled grace made her quite a contrast to rough, dark, stocky Lovino.
Alfred was almost sneering, and Matthew had tried very hard to creep closer and closer to Alfred without catching Lovino's eye. Didn't need to be stealthy, really, because Lovino seemed absolutely entranced by Alice.
Ludwig wondered what it was about her, because he had seen girls chasing Lovino rather frequently. Had never lacked attention. It wasn't as if this was the first time a pretty girl was talking to Lovino. Perhaps it was because she wasn't Italian and for that she was interesting, and vice versa. Or maybe it was just because most normal girls weren't attracted to crazy men with guns.
She was far from normal.
Lovino's chest was so puffed now that Ludwig wondered how much longer it would take for him to just pop.
Alice bit her bottom lip excitedly, and said, "Is that so! Oh my. Have you—have you really shot someone?"
Lovino, his face red now from something other than anger, sputtered, "O-oh, yeah! Yeah, I've shot lots of people!"
Alice lifted her hand up to her mouth to hide her smile, and Felicia took a great bound forward, and slapped Lovino as hard as she could across the back of his head, crying, "Don't you lie! You've never shot anyone!"
Lovino whipped around, shrieking in Italian, and as he and Felicia argued loudly, Alice just smoothed her dress, and watched them with a lifted brow. Her smile stood strong.
Finally, Lovino whirled back around, and said, defensively, "Well, that's only because everyone knows better than to mess with me! But if—if I had to, I'd shoot someone. Obviously."
"I'm sure," was Alice's breathless reply.
Matthew and Alfred were close enough then to converse, whispering lowly, and after a short pause Matthew and Felicia quietly slunk into the theater for their date night as they had intended from the start. Lovino was far too distracted by then to notice or care, as Alice smiled away at him.
Then Alice looked down suddenly at her shoes, and seemed absolutely mortified when she realized that, in her zealousness to introduce herself, she had stepped straight into a puddle.
A short, horrified, "Oh—!"
Luna Lovi followed her gaze for whatever reason, jumped a little, and was quick to bound forward and extend his arm, that flush of red still on his face. Alice beamed, quite pleased, and took the offered arm and allowed Lovino to walk her out of the puddle and to a cleaner patch. She didn't let him go after, though.
Ludwig was pretty sure that his mouth had dropped open a little.
Who knew that there was actually a gentleman somewhere behind that big, fat mouth. Helping girls over puddles. Huh. Astounding.
From the way Lovino looked now, Alice probably could have wiped her shoes off on him and he wouldn't have said a word. She didn't, not this time, and instead rubbed the bottoms of her shoes on the concrete to dry them.
Lovino watched her the whole time, silent and still, and seemed fascinated by every move she made. God help him, Ludwig hated thinking it, because Lovino had made his life hell for years, but he was actually kinda charming in that moment. Seeing him like that was rather endearing. Almost wanted to be happy for him, even.
Almost.
When her shoes were as good as they were getting, Alice smiled over at Lovino, and spoke.
"You're Italian, aren't you?" she asked, as she clung tightly to Lovino's arm. "I can tell!" Her eyes drifted down to Lovino's chest, observing the thick, dark hair coating it, and then flitted back up. "My father always told me to be careful around Italians because some of you could be dangerous. Well! He was right, wasn't he?"
Whatever Alice's father had told her didn't seem to matter much, because it was clear by now that she had no interest in letting go of Lovino. From what Ludwig could gather of her, it might have been better if her father had told her instead to marry an Italian, because she probably would have done the opposite.
Alfred threw his head back, covered his face with his palms, and heaved a deep, beleaguered sigh, muttering muffled beneath his hands. As if he couldn't even be bothered to believe what he was seeing.
Ludwig, on his end, was having an absolute blast. Most entertaining thing he had ever seen in his life, truly was. Seeing Lovino getting led around like a dazed house pet was highly amusing.
Alice looked back at Alfred then, flashed him a blinding smile, and said, "Enjoy the theater, Alfred! I'm going to continue my walk."
Alfred opened his mouth, came up with nothing, and hung his head in exasperation when they started walking off.
Alice let Luna Lovi lead her off to who knew where, and the whole while they walked away, Ludwig could see that Lovino might have been in front, but it was really Alice who was leading. Didn't surprise him much. As much as Felicia could bully when she wanted to, it seemed Luna Lovi was susceptible to bullying himself. All talk. A good match, perhaps, a bag of hot air and a bossy woman.
Lovino didn't really even seem to know who or where he was in that second, led off to doom then by a man-eater. Had been nice knowing him.
Not.
Alfred spoke up, and said, simply, "I liked the other guy better."
He spoke for himself; Ludwig would take the entranced Lovino over the gun-waving one any day.
Everyone else wandered off eventually, the spectators carried on, and Ludwig and Alfred stood forlorn on the sidewalk, absorbing the past few minutes in their own time, and everything was quiet. Matthew and Felicia were inside, and Alfred looked at the theater for a moment, as if contemplating following. That had been the plan, after all, but it was different now without Alice.
She, like with Alfred's hands on approach, had been the reason for the trip to the theater. Without her, it was just them again, and too risky perhaps when they were both rather well-known faces these days.
In the end, Alfred seemed to begrudgingly decide against going into the theater after all, and turned his eyes instead to the puddle in which Alice had stood, hands in his pockets and head tilted curiously.
After a minute or so, he looked up, caught Ludwig's eye, and opened his mouth.
Ludwig didn't give him the chance, and blurted, quickly, "Don't even."
The stupid grin that spread over Alfred's face gave away exactly what he had wanted to do, and Ludwig was quick to tromp through the puddle intentionally as he set off for home.
Alfred trotted behind him, and called, "I was just gonna help you over it, was all!"
Ludwig's pride decided that that one had earned no response. Sure was bold of Alfred to want to walk him across a puddle in plain sight but not go into a theater. That man had the strangest priorities. Couldn't figure him out at all.
As Alfred struggled to keep up with Ludwig's furious pace, Ludwig could hear him laughing to himself from time to time. Didn't even want to know about what. Hoped that it was over Lovino, and not Alfred's mental image of walking Ludwig over a puddle.
Because Ludwig could be as silly as Alfred in certain moods, he reached the house first, ran inside, and locked Alfred out for a good five minutes, just to make his point known. Didn't work much. Alfred still held out his arm as soon as Ludwig relented and opened the door, and said, in a poor imitation of Alice's accent, "Shall I walk you across, good sir?"
Alfred slept on the couch that night.
At least at first. Ludwig couldn't say he was too happy with a cold bed, and pride wasn't quite worth being without Alfred for even a minute. Sometime in the middle of the night, Ludwig had slunk down the stairs, lifted the blanket that covered sleeping Alfred, and crawled underneath, resting himself atop of the sleeping troublemaker and burrowing his face into the warmth of Alfred's neck.
An inhale, as Alfred stirred. Warm arms around his back, a face buried in his hair, and when Alfred gave a sleepy snort and rasped, "I knew ya couldn't stay away from me," Ludwig just smothered a smile in Alfred's neck and settled in for sleep.
Nope. Sure couldn't. Just wouldn't ever admit it.
Everything carried on from there, and not just inside their little household. Outside, the world spun on, and Ludwig watched others spinning with it.
The next time Ludwig saw Luna Lovi, he had combed back his messy hair, trimmed his sideburns, changed his cologne, and shaved.
The next time Ludwig saw Matthew, he had gotten a haircut, hadn't trimmed his sideburns, had changed his glasses, had started using cologne, and had shaved, but not all the way.
The next time Ludwig saw Alice, she had put on pearls and put her hair up, and changed her pale dresses for ones that were just a little brighter.
The next time Ludwig saw Felicia, she... Well. She looked the same, come to think, just with a little more brightness in her smile and maybe a little lipstick.
Gilbert was bright, that crooked smile Ludwig had always loved so frequently on his face.
Antonio was calm, relaxed, and ever cheerful. No more shadows.
Everything seemed perfect. Wonderful. The world that he had once hated had turned upside down and was suddenly his favorite thing.
Ludwig was back in that moment in time where he had been his happiest, in that home with that family that loved him with Gilbert there at his side. Felt as wonderful these days as he had then. His happiest time, and it was remarkable that he had found it here in this city.
Happy.
This time, though, Alfred was here to keep those shadows from growing. There was no war looming. Gilbert had kept his promise. He had created a home here, and once more he felt secure and loved and wanted. Alfred stood by him on one side, and Gilbert on the other. Felicia and Antonio kept watch from behind and in front. He was on firm ground. He and Alfred were together, everything was theirs, the world seemed to be theirs, and Ludwig felt himself in a constant state of sunrise. Dawn all around, bringing with it hope and light and new opportunities.
Alfred's smile.
The world seemed so beautiful.
Even if sometimes Alfred seemed to look over his shoulder.