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I do not own Inuyasha, the characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. Similarly, I do not receive any financial benefit from this story, just the pleasure of knowing people enjoy it.

Thank you also to Heavenin—hell on Tumblr for the pictures that have been the inspiration for this story.

CHAPTER 19

Kagome stood before the council, waiting for their judgment. Her mind was running a mile a minute, she knew she needed to calm herself and focus, but… she couldn't. She hadn't been able to keep her mind on anything but the knife and the accusations against her. Nothing made any sense. Everything had seemed so real, and then she had seen Inuyasha, uninjured, perfect, standing before her. If it had been a dream, how… how did she get to his room?

She had failed… again. The one time she thought she had done enough, been strong enough, the one time she thought she had been able to save Inuyasha. Now they would never trust her, she would be kept away, all because of something she… couldn't remember doing.

Her eyes closed at the pain in her heart. She had fucked everything up. Tekki's interrogation had made her remember when she had seen the gray vessel before, in her dream, just before the mirror had shattered waking her up.

How could she have seen it that long ago?

How did she know what it was?

Where they right? Was she possessed? Did she have any spiritual power of her own, or was it just this… being this … Ryukotsusei that they think had control of her? Was she nothing more than a pawn in a game?

The moment the thought entered her head she knew how wrong it felt. There was something about Shippo's questions, the golden glow protecting her. No, that was her power, her strength, and it had protected her, except for when it hadn't.

Tears threatened to fall, held back only because of the strength of her will.

Except for when it hadn't. What good was she if she couldn't even protect herself? Snippets of the past few weeks flashed through her mind, tormenting her with all her failures, her weaknesses.

Tekki was right. She is dangerous. She isn't strong enough, not fast enough, and she can't control her powers or keep herself from being controlled and manipulated by others.

How could she ever be useful?

How could she look Inuyasha in the eye again? Worse, how could she ever look his father in the eye again?

"It is decided." Koga's voice cut through her thoughts, forcing her attention to the wolf standing above her.

"Kagome will be guarded at all times until such time as the council deems it no longer necessary. Every movement, every action will be watched. She will be excluded from any plans, any meetings, until further notice."

Koga's eyes shot over to Inuyasha.

"Sensitive material is not to be discussed with her under any circumstances."

Kagome let out a breath. More people watching her, judging her. There was no way around it, she had disappointed them, hurt them all.

Now there were yokai that would have to lose crucial preparation time to just… watch her. To keep her from hurting anyone else, from causing the end of the world. A broken laugh sounded before she could catch it.

It was all her fault. She fought so hard to be useful, to learn, to train, to be stronger, to be better, and yet she was their biggest fucking threat.

How could she protect them from herself?

How could she protect herself?

She felt Inuayasha walk up behind her a moment before his hands rested on her shoulders.

"I'm sorry." She heard him whisper, pain evident in his voice.

She rolled her shoulders, forcing his hands to drop away from her. She turned to brush past him, never once looking at him… she couldn't. He was apologizing… to her? If it didn't hurt, it would have been hilarious. What did he have to apologize for? She was the one who had fucked up, the one who had let him down. She froze, what if he was apologizing for trusting her, for being with her, for letting him into her life?

Inuyasha, meanwhile, felt like he was breaking. Kagome was rejecting him. His dad was wrong, she did blame him for what happened, because he wasn't there to protect her. He had walked away and left her alone. Now she didn't want him touching her and refused to acknowledge his apology. Guilt fueled his actions as he reached out to grab her wrist, pulling her towards him to wrap his arms around her. He tried to ignore how dead her eyes looked as he held her tightly against him.

He had let her down, he had abandoned her when she needed him most. He could never forgive himself for that, not when she is the one who was paying the price for his failure.

"I'm sorry. I should have been there." He whispered against her hair.

"Inuyasha, let me go." Kagome's voice held no emotion, it sounded as empty as her eyes as he pulled back to look at her, refusing to release her from his arms.

"Let me go Inuyasha." She said again.

She held none of her fire, her passion. She was a shell, a hollow doll. She didn't try to fight his hold, she just stood there, refusing to meet his gaze, her eyes focused on the floor beside him. Inuyasha felt his yokai rising as his desperation grew. Kagome's energy had gone completely flat, it was almost impossible to detect, and his yokai was beginning to share Inuyasha's panic.

"Inuyasha." Totosai's voice interrupted his thoughts, and Inuyasha looked towards the man with a snarl.

"We need to get her home Inuyasha." Totosai continued, keeping his gaze fully on the young man in front of him. He could see Inuyasha's eyes turning red and purple stripes emerging on his cheeks, but he stood his ground. "She needs to be somewhere familiar Inuyasha."

"Then I will take her." Inuyasha's voice was deeper, almost a growl as he struggled for control.

"Let me go Inuyasha." Kagome whispered, finally moving to look Inuyasha in the eye. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Keh, you would never hurt me."

Her eyes closed as she leaned forward to rest her forehead on his chest. "Yash… we don't know that anymore. I could hurt you, and I couldn't bear that." She raised her head, her gaze demanding. "You have to let me go."

"Kagome…"

"Let go Inuyasha."

His arms loosened their grip around her to drop to his sides, his hands curling into fists as he watched her turn and walk away from him.

"Kagome. We will get to the bottom of this. I promise you." His voice paused her movement for a moment as it followed her out of the room.

Kagome and Totosai walked to the elevator in silence. What was there to say? Kagome's steps faltered as she saw Toga and Shiori standing by the elevator deep in conversation.

"Thank you, Lord Toga." Kagome heard Shiori's soft lilt as they drew closer. "I will keep that in mind."

Shiori turned to Kagome, and Kagome could swear her lavender eyes saw through to her soul. It was only a matter of time until Shiori looked at her with disgust, how could she not? Kagome was not prepared for Shiori to smile at her and reach for her hand.

"Do not worry Lady Kagome." Shiori smiled as she took Kagome's hand. "Lord Toga was just telling me what Inuyasha had relayed to him, there is no need to fear."

Kagome's cheeks flushed as she turned her head to the floor. She tugged her hand to pull it away from Shiori, but the bat hanyou held it tightly.

"Kagome." Toga gently called her name, but Kagome refused to look at him. She heard him sigh deeply. "As I told Inuyasha, I will do what I can to help. Not everything can be taken at face value when dealing with Ryukotsusei, I know that all too well."

Kagome nodded slightly to show she had heard, never raising her gaze from the floor.

"Kagome." Toga's voice held a soft command, and she was compelled to look up at him. He towered over the two petite women, but Kagome was surprised that his stance was protective rather than threatening. "Don't push Inuyasha out. Let him help you."

"I told him to let me go." Kagome's sadness broke through her mask, her emotions beginning to crack.

Toga chuckled and looked at the door behind her. "It will take more than that to get rid of him."

Kagome turned to see Inuyasha leaning against the door jamb, his eyes focused on her.

"Keh." His soft response tugged at Kagome's heart even as worry filled her. She knew she should stay away from him, but she couldn't bring herself to end things.

Shiori tugged slightly on her hand, drawing her focus back to the silver haired woman in front of her.

"Let's get you back to your apartment." Shiori said with a slight smile. "You can show me around as we settle in for the night." She led Kagome into the elevator, pushing the button to the ground floor. As the doors closed her voice broke out.

"I expect I will see you soon Inuyasha."

Sango was waiting for Kagome at the apartment with pizza and wine, and smoothly included Shiori into the evening. Kagome had been hesitant, she did not feel like she would be good company, but Sango insisted, enlisting Shiori into her efforts. Kagome had to admit that the two glasses of wine she allowed herself helped her relax from the day.

After they were finished, it did not take long for Kagome to show Shiori around the small apartment. She faltered at the door to her bedroom, unsure how to continue. Shiori smiled gently.

"Do not worry Kagome. If you would like to get ready for bed, I will go speak to Inuyasha." At Kagome's questioning glance her smile grew.

"I could hear your heart rate increase as you got nervous. And as I can hear Inuyasha waiting by your front door."

Kagome's cheeks turned pink. "Did he just arrive?"

"Oh no, he's been there almost the entire time we've been here." Shiori chuckled. "But it is up to you on whether you would like him to come inside. I imagine he will be sitting outside your door either way."

Kagome slowly made her way to the front door, opening it slightly to see Inuyasha rising from the floor, his eyes focused on her. She took in his silver hair, strands falling out of the tie he used to pull it back. He did not have his glamour on, and she could see his ears focused solely on her, his eyes bright with emotion as he held her gaze. The look in his eyes, she… she couldn't handle it. He should be looking at her with anger, with disgust, not with tenderness, not with….

Love.

Oh god she didn't deserve that from him, no matter how much she wanted it. Tears formed in her eyes, she chose to blame the wine and not her own relief at seeing him there.

"I told you to let me go." She whispered, her eyes never leaving his.

Inuyasha couldn't stand seeing her like that, she looked so… broken. He had heard everything, he knew how withdrawn she had been despite Sango and Shiori's best efforts to help her relax. The salt of her tears burned his nose. She was everything to him, and she was telling him to let her go?

"Never." He whispered back.

She stepped back to open the door the rest of the way. Inuyasha hesitated before accepting the invitation. As he wrapped his arms around Kagome and pulled her into a hug, he nodded to Shiori and Sango with a relieved smile.

"Its late Koi." Inuyasha said as he run his hand down Kagome's hair. "You need rest." He heard Kagome's soft sound of distress and felt her shake her head against him.

"Nothing will happen Kagome." He said against her hair. "We are all here to watch you ok. Will you let us protect you?"

When Kagome nodded, Inuyasha looked at Sango, who quickly moved to take Kagome's arm and help her to her bedroom.

Inuayasha looked at Shiori with sadness in his eyes. "How do I protect her from the unseen?" He asked softly.

Shiori's head turned to the side, her lavender eyes focused on him.

"By loving her." She said with a slight smile. "Loving her and letting her grow."

"You make it sound so simple."

Shiori laughed. "Inuyasha, love is never simple. It's complicated, it hurts, and for yokai, its consuming. But never simple."

She moved towards Kagome's door, stopping to look back at Inuyasha.

"You can't stay with her tonight." Inuyasha's expression turned dark as his eyes narrowed at the small woman in front of him, growling in response.

Shiori turned to fully look at him as her arms crossed over her body.

"She needs time to process Inuyasha. It will be hard enough on her with me there, she will not relax with both of us there."

His posture relaxed as he ran a hand over his face. "Then I will stay out here, but I am not leaving this apartment, not… Kami Shiori not after what happened." He looked at Shiori with pleading eyes. "Please, I can't leave her alone… not again."

Shiori considered him for a moment before nodding.

"If she needs you, I will let you know." She promised before entering the room to trade places with Sango and closing the door.

Sango swallowed as she looked at Inuyasha. He could tell she was worried about Kagome, almost as worried as he was.

"You… You'll help her, right Inuyasha?" Sango asked tensely. Inuyasha watched her relax at his nod. "I'll hold you to that. If she gets hurt…"

"If she gets hurt, I will never forgive myself." Inuyasha interrupted her.

Sango could see the determination and resolve in his eyes and she nodded. She watched as Inuyasha moved to sit against the wall outside Kagome's door. She disappeared into her room, coming back out to place a blanket and pillow near him.

"I know you will likely stay up all night, but in case you get cold."

Inuyasha looked up at her with gratitude. "Thank you, Sango. Seems like forever ago that I told you she's lucky to have people like you around, but its true."

Sango gave a wry laugh. "Yeah. It's been a hell of a day hasn't it." Her face went serious. "We won't let that happen to her again."

"Get some sleep Sango. I'll guard both of you tonight."

With a last glance at her friend's door, Sango nodded and left Inuyasha alone.

Shiori had made herself comfortable on Kagome's floor, settling in under the window. She could hear Inuyasha shifting outside the door, and she smiled, he wasn't going to go anywhere. She just wished Kagome would let herself rest, she had been lying in the dark for nearly an hour, her heart rate and breathing told Shiori that the woman was not asleep.

"Shiori?" Kagome's voice cut through the silence. "How can you tolerate being near me?"

"What do you mean Kagome?"

"I let you all down."

Shiori stayed silent, waiting for Kagome to speak again. She could tell by Kagome's heartbeat that she was anxious.

"I'm never good enough, strong enough. I can't fight, I can't focus my energy, I can't defend anyone, I can apparently purify everyone if I'm not in control all the time, and then I apparently helped the enemy. And yet you volunteered to stay with me. Why?"

"Because I believe you."

At Kagome's soft sobbing laugh Shiori could hear Inuyasha shift outside the door and knew he could hear everything that they were saying.

"Why would you?" Kagome whispered, her voice barely audible.

"I'm half bat yokai. I can hear your heart rhythm and breathing patterns. Over the centuries this has been used to detect lies, people can control scent with perfumes and lotions, but not heart patterns and breathing. When you spoke before the counsel, both today and two months ago, there were no signs of lies or deception. That is why I believe you."

She heard Kagome's hand brushing against her skin, she didn't need an enhanced sense of smell to know that Kagome was crying.

"I don't know what's true anymore." Kagome confessed, her voice revealing her tears. Shiori stood and grabbed a box of tissues, moving to sit near Kagome on her bed.

"I'm a good listener, Kagome. Maybe it would help if you talked to me about some of it?"

Kagome was silent for a few moments before speaking. "I can't." She whispered. "I've done enough damage."

"Would you like me to have Inuyasha come in?"

Kagome raised herself off the bed. "He… He's still here?"

Shiori smiled in the darkness. "Yes, he's right outside, sitting outside your door. He refused to leave the apartment."

Kagome dropped back down to the bed and grabbed a pillow to hold it tight against her.

"He should. I'm no good for him."

Shiori heard a growl through the door, and she watched Kagome to see if she noticed.

"Why would you think that?"

"I… I could hurt him."

Shiori chuckled. "I doubt that very much."

"No… I... I could. Maybe not directly, but because I can't take care of myself."

Shiori heard Kagome's heart race, this was one of Kagome's fears.

"That's why I don't sleep. I've watched him die… for me… because of me… so many times in the past month. And last night… I thought I was actually good enough, that I was useful enough that I could save him, and instead…" her voice broke off.

Shiori reached out and placed her hand over Kagome's in silence. She knew the woman needed time.

"I've tried so hard to learn, to catch up, to be good enough, to be strong enough to stand with you all… and I… I'm still just Kagome."

"Why do you think being Kagome isn't enough? That's all we ask you to be."

Kagome let out a soft wry laugh.

"Why do you want a clumsy idiot in the middle of your well-oiled machine?" Kagome signed as she turned to her side to face Shiori. "You have had years to practice, even the other humans, Sango was trained to fight since birth, Miroku and Kikyo have been trained to use their powers since they hit puberty. I'm… the ugly duckling, late to the party, who just can't catch up."

Shiori could see Kagome's eyes shining in the dark, her focus on a book sitting on her dresser.

"I've tried so hard, and it doesn't help. I'm still just… just a liability, a threat. I can't even protect myself; how can I protect anyone else? I feel like I'm just a tool, useful if someone else controls me, but helpless on my own."

"Who has made you feel that way?" Shiori's voice had a note of sharpness in it, and she could hear Inuyasha's low growl at Kagome's words.

"No one has said anything, but it's there, in their eyes. The fear, the anger, the distrust… No one trusts me, no one should trust me. I… I can't even trust me." Kagome's voice trembled as she spoke, her fears finally breaking free of her control.

"I'm scared, so scared that I will hurt someone, that I will hurt Inuyasha. It would be safer for him if he just walked away if he forgot me. I'll disappear, I won't bother anyone again, and he will be safe from me."

"Is that what you want?"

Kagome nodded her head weakly then paused, shaking her head no.

"I know he should, but I don't want him to. But it's better he walks away now than having to face the day he looks at me with disappointment and resentment in his eyes.

Shiori leaned over and soothed her hand over Kagome's hair.

"He isn't going anywhere Kagome. A yokai will never abandon their mate."

Shiori smiled softly as she heard Inuyasha's intake of air outside the door. 'He hasn't told her that yet.' She realized. She stayed next to Kagome, stroking Kagome's hair as she fell into a restless sleep.

Shiori stood quietly, taking care not to wake her sleeping charge. She watched as Kagome tossed and turned, her hear rate accelerating as she slept. Shiori listened carefully, there were no other rhythm changes to signify any outside influence. But Kagome would not get any real rest, which she needed at that rate.

Her mind made up, Shiori crossed silently to the door, opening it to consider Inuyasha. He looked up at her and tormented gold eyes met lavender. Shiori gave him a soft half smile and nodded her head towards Kagome.

"She needs you." She mouthed to him. He rose silently and quickly made his way to the bed to lay next to Kagome, drawing her into his arms. After a few minutes she began to calm down and settled into a deep sleep, safely tucked against him.

Inuyasha caught Shiori's gaze, and mouthed "thank you" to her, his eyes swimming with emotion.

Shiori nodded to him and settled back into her spot under the window, listening as the heartbeats on the bed changed their patterns to synch together.

Finding their mate was rare for a yokai, and almost unheard of for a hanyou. It gave hope to the rest of them, like her.