This story is drawing to a close now and I'd like to thank all my Anne girls for their support. As with all writing this has been a collaborative effort and it is lovely to know there are a legion of good writers out there that I can bounce ideas off when I am stuck. They know who they are and I will thank them individually, but just know that they are out there.
I plan on backing away from Fanfic for a while as I have another writing project to work on. This has been a wonderful form of procrastination but now I do need to get on with it. I am in the middle of a collaborative project over on A03 (Joy and Comfort with AnneWithAnEStory) so I will keep up with that, but I won't be attempting anything as ambitious as this story for the rest of the year.
Thank you for reading and reviewing. I have really enjoyed my modern Marilla and Rachel and I'll be sorry to say good bye to them.
I hope you all stay well for the foreseeable future, much love oz diva.
Cold Feet
Marilla's biggest regret was that she never got to see Anne's wedding.
A few days earlier Anne drove to her parents' graveside; she needed a little chat. "Mummy and Daddy, I'm getting married," she told their shared tombstone as she placed a bouquet of flowers at its foot. "Your little girl is in love. How can I describe Gilbert to you?" She told them all about their history, how she strove to escape the small town and the boys there but how after a few failed relationships had realised how much Gilbert completed her and how very much she loved him. As she spoke, she came to a realisation of how different she was to the little girl they once knew. She recognised how just how important Matthew and Marilla were, they knew her in ways her parents never could.
On morning of the wedding Diana was on hand to help Anne dress and together they set up a running commentary for Marilla as she sat on the easy chair in Anne's bedroom.
"Right I think that's it," declared Diana as she pulled back.
"Come here," said Marilla imperiously. "Let me see." She traced her hands over Anne's dress to gain some understanding of what she was missing. The dress sounded delightful, as Anneish a dress as ever could be with lace and flounces. "I'll go and join the congregation, now Anne. Good luck," Marilla said after she kissed her on the cheek.
"Are you ready?" Diana asked.
Anne nodded feeling somewhat queasy. Diana followed her down the stairs and took in the sight of Matthew looking up at Anne's descent. He looked as proud as any father ever could, tears misting his eyes.
A whirring panic settled in Anne's stomach when the momentous undertaking fell upon her like a massive weight. Matthew did not understand her hesitation or her look akin to a frightened rabbit in the clutches of a fox's jaws. "A'right Anne?" he asked as his girl went a slight shade of green.
Anne gave him a shallow smile. "Just give me a second," she said in a quavering voice. As she looked like she was about to faint, Matthew led her over to a chair.
"Everything okay Anne?" Diana whispered crouching down in front of her. "It just hit you right?"
Anne nodded.
"Here's some water," Matthew offered, twisting his hat in confusion. Women were not his forte at the best of times.
"Every bride feels it right about now," Diana said comfortingly.
"Marilla! I need Marilla. Where is she?" Anne demanded.
"You need to talk to her now?" Matthew asked in some confusion.
"Yes, yes," Anne replied feverishly. "Marilla."
Diana tip toed out and found Lucy loitering in the hallway.
"What's happening, why the delay?" she asked.
"Can you fetch Marilla. Anne needs her."
Lucy was confused, hadn't she escorted Marilla out to her seat a few moments ago. "Now? She's late enough as is."
"I doubt it'll happen at all if Anne can't to speak to her."
"Well okay then, I'll be back in a jiffy," Lucy trotted off, worried that the whole event might be in jeopardy.
Feeling very foolish and knowing poor Gilbert would be so upset Lucy made her way to where Marilla sat with Mrs Lynde. Rachel looked up at her and asked if everything was alright. "Not really, can I borrow Marilla. Anne needs her for a moment."
Rachel got to her feet and let Marilla through. Marilla took Lucy by the elbow and asked her to slow down, "I'll fall over if you go too fast. Just take it easy and tell me what the matter is?"
"I dunno Marilla. Diana just asked me to fetch you, I don't think it's cold feet as such, but Anne looks real pale. I feel so sorry for Gilbert, poor guy. He's just standing there looking like a fool."
"I'll talk sense into her. We must be nearly there."
"Yes, the veranda is just ahead." Lucy led her in through the front door. Anne was nowhere to be seen but Matthew pointed up, "she ran back upstairs," he explained. Anne was pacing in the bedroom, when she saw Marilla standing in the doorway she said "I don't know, I don't think… I just don't know if I can marry him."
"Hush now, hush now child. I may be blind Anne but even I can see how much you love this boy. How do you think you'll feel tomorrow if you don't go through with it?"
"But it's such a commitment, I don't think I can."
"I may never have committed on paper to anyone, Anne, but even I understand the depth of true love," Marilla said wisely.
"But I can't go now," wailed Anne. "it's too humiliating, Marilla I've kept everyone, oh God I've kept Gil waiting too long. I love him so much, and now he'll hate me for keeping him waiting."
Marilla's first reaction was to exclaim fiddlesticks but understood that Anne needed a light touch at this point. The exclamations could come later if necessary. "Now, now, it's not nearly as bad as you think. Everyone knows young brides can get the jitters. The worst thing you can do is bail now; you'd hate yourself for that. Come, dry your face. Diana can apply more makeup and then we'll take you downstairs. C'mon Anne," Marilla commanded when there was no movement.
Obediently Anne did as she asked. Diana was very gentle and made the best of a bad job, hiding the obvious tear marks though there was no covering her red eyes. After a few minutes she examined Anne's face carefully and proclaimed, "I think we're ready now Miss Cuthbert."
"Right I think we've tortured Gilbert for long enough, don't you?" said Marilla in a slightly teasing tone.
Together they made their way to the kitchen and then Matthew took Anne's arm and Marilla took Diana's and the four of them went out into the sunshine together. Anne and Matthew waited until Marilla took her seat next to Rachel muttering, "nearly lost her there, but I think she'll be okay now." Rachel took her hand and squeezed sympathetically saying, "if you cry, you'll set me off too. I always cry at weddings."
Gilbert whispered to Anne as she stood in front of him, "you had me worried for a bit there, darling." Anne gave him a wan smile, but the vows went off well enough. Afterwards Anne clasped him to her and when they kissed the congregation let out a cheer and clapped. "Is it done?" asked Marilla.
"Yes, they've done it, they're married," replied Rachel. Marilla relaxed next to her, she really had been quite anxious, "thank goodness," she said with a sigh.
"Surely it was a foregone conclusion?"
"She just had a little case of the collywobbles, I talked her down," whispered Marilla.
Not for the first time and certainly not the last Rachel realised she needed to do more than nod so she murmured words of encouragement.
When Anne stood at the head of the aisle, she could see the faces of their friends and neighbours turned towards her in friendly benefaction. All but one, the one face she needed the most. Marilla had not turned; did not know it was expected, did not know she was there. It was then really that the devastation the tree branch had wrought truly occurred to Anne. She'd known of course that Marilla was blind but somehow it was this little moment when reality hit.
Later they had a little chat about it upstairs. "I knew you couldn't see, I mean, I oh I sound so stupid of course I knew but just then when everyone turned and you you didn't, Oh Marilla," wailed Anne.
"Shh shh dear child. I've decided it's not the end of the world. I can live like this; you need to move on darling. Go live your best life with your wonderful new husband, I'll be just fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes go. You have a houseful to see to. I'll just be a minute."
As Anne descended everyone roared their approval, but it was Gilbert she looked for. The look in his eyes was all the balm she needed.
Rachel saw Anne descend but there was no sign of Marilla so while everyone's attention was turned, she ran up to find her. The cacophony disappeared behind her as she closed the door. Marilla's mascara had run, and her face was all blotchy from tears, "I know I should be happy for her, and I am mostly," she said quietly into Rachel's shoulder.
"I know. You want her to have the best life, but it hurts when they go. Or I suppose it does."
"You were never so close to your lot," said Marilla snivelling.
Rachel fetched her a handkerchief and handed it over saying, "not as close as you two are, no. Only Lucy and of course she's still single."
Marilla was fumbling over her dinner but Rachel and Matthew knew better than to help her. They raised their eyebrows at each other but otherwise were silent. They had spent a few days after their reconciliation working out boundaries. Where Marilla needed help and what frustrated her.
Some things were obvious, "I don't suppose you'd let me drive?" said Marilla with a large grin.
"No," replied Rachel firmly. But other things were less apparent, "so you find my helping you dress annoying?" Rachel said at one point, a little hurt that her work was unappreciated.
"I do. Suppose it's frustrating for you, but I will get there eventually. If I need help I'll ask for it."
"Okay, if you say so."
It did help and if things were slower at first, at least noses were not out of joint and their household was happier for it. For now it meant watching her slowly navigate her dinner and they turned their attention to their own plates, "I must say this salmon is delicious," said Rachel around a mouthful.
"Can you see Anne?" Marilla asked.
"Yes, she's sitting next to Gilbert looking like it's all a dream," replied Rachel.
"I daresay it's better than her childhood ones. She had such a way with her imagination," said Marilla fondly.
Music blared across the marquee spilling out into the garden. Marilla sat tapping her toes to the beat. It was loud but the atmosphere was infectious. Still she was just about to disappear outside for a break when someone tapped her on the shoulder and yelled in her ear, "it's John. Care to dance?" She hesitated but an old song came on the juke box next, one that Marilla was very familiar with and without thinking it through she nodded enthusiastically and leapt to her feet.
There was a slight lip to the dance floor, nothing really half an inch no more and perfectly easy to navigate if you knew it were there. But John forgot to mention it to Marilla so the toe of her shoe caught it just so and she stumbled forward clumsily. John caught her by the arm just before she crashed to the ground. "Sorry sorry, my fault. I didn't even register it." Marilla heaved and shook against his chest for a moment, wondering if she was doing the right thing. Could she trust him to help her dance if he got this one small thing wrong? But the music beckoned and without thinking she imperceptibly swayed in his arms. As she grew in confidence, John took her arm and walked back a step giving her more freedom. The music flowed through her to her feet and she twisted back and forth then yelled at John, "try to keep up!"
Anne was chatting to some friends from college at the other end of the marquee when Barry Peters tapped her on the shoulder, "I thought you said your mother was blind now?"
"What? Yes, that's right," yelled Anne against the music.
"She looks pretty normal to me," said Barry pointing.
Anne looked across the marquee to the dance floor just in time to see Marilla being flung over John's shoulder.
The years stripped away, and as was if Marilla was young again boogie woogieing with the best of them. If she got momentarily lost, John was there with a quick guiding hand but for the most part she was in her element, dancing like there was no tomorrow.
Rachel too lost sight of her for a moment and found her on the dance floor looking like just about anyone else, except no one else seemed to be having as much fun. As they danced on the rest of the couples backed away so that after a short while they had the floor to themselves. Sweat dripped down her torso but still she danced, loving the feeling of absolute freedom; she felt light as air, uninhibited.
The song came to an end and Marilla gasped against John's chest. "Fun?" he asked.
"Yes," she panted and then someone stuck another song on, and with a whoop they were away again.
"I'll get you a drink," said John rubbing his back when the second song came to its conclusion. He led her over to Rachel who took her hand saying admiringly, "you were wonderful out there."
Marilla laughed and said, "was I? Did anyone notice?"
Rachel laughed back, "I think you might say so. Didn't you hear the clapping? All I'll say is I'm glad you decided to wear underwear today."
"Not really I was in my own little world. Rachel, it was wonderful. I forgot I was blind all I could hear was the music, all I could feel was the pounding of my heart and John's steadying hand."
"Marilla!" Anne skidded up to them. "My God you were incredible. I never knew you could dance like that."
"John and Marilla used to be quite a sensation back in the day, Anne," Rachel explained.
John appeared at that moment with a glass of punch, "here you'll be needing a cold drink I expect." He placed the cup into Marilla's outstretched hand and looked at his brand new daughter in law proudly, "what do you think of that then, Anne?"
Anne just shook her head in amazement, for once she was speechless.
"You know," said Rachel after they waved the married couple farewell and all the guests had left. By mutual agreement they decided to leave the cleaning up til the morning preferring instead to pick through the platters of leftovers for a rough dinner washed down with champagne. An exhausted Matthew had made his apologies and gone to bed.
"Mm," said Marilla sleepily from her side of the couch.
"The time I was happiest was when we were on Lesbos."
"Yes, that was lovely," said Marilla thinking back to that glorious vacation when it felt like nothing could go wrong.
"And I was thinking the other day that I'd like to go back."
"For another vacation d'you mean? Now that the wedding is over."
"Not exactly," said Rachel slowly. "I think I'd like to live there."