I'm bored. Quarantine is boring.

For my bff, my gal-pal, aerobee82 who has been putting up with my bullshit for seven years now.

Chapter 19 - Whispers in the Rain

Our first day alone was quiet. By the second, I understood how silence could make Peter so tense. The calm was unnerving. We were sitting ducks, depending on everyone else to do their part and do it well. We were helpless. We both hated it.

I had almost forgotten how much I despised waiting. It felt like everything was going wrong, unsure if it was intuition, cynicism, or cabin-fever that made me think so.

Pacing was Peter's coping method of choice unless he was glued to his computer. That and grumbling under his breath about anything and everything that had ever pissed him off. I'd tried to distract him a few times, but nothing worked for any reasonable amount of time.

Edward's absence was noticeable: a void spun just beyond my reach. He'd been here just yesterday. We reached a tentative middle ground, but all was not well, and the loose thread taunted me. A familiar ache bloomed in my heart alongside a thrill for the unknown future ahead.

"If this doesn't work out the way we want it to, what will happen to Charlotte? Will she be safe?" I wondered what Peter's take was on this concept of our lingering responsibilities to past lovers.

"She should be," Peter said, weighing his words. His leg bounced in a rapid staccato under the table. "I'm starting to think maybe I don't need to make that a priority. It's… it's like you and Edward. That's not my place anymore. I don't have any right to interfere with her life. I made sure she knows what could be coming, but that's it."

He spoke with finality. It didn't bother him to talk about Charlotte as much as it used to. I thought of Edward, and how much had changed between us, how much easier it was to talk to him, and decided that closure simply came from strange places.

"That sounds reasonable." I frowned at the clock and suppressed my third yawn in as many minutes.

Peter's phone rang. He sprang into action, more anxious than even I was, only to deflate instantly. If the look on his face was anything to go on, I had a fair idea of who was calling. I held my breath.

He answered without a word, listened, and then frowned. "No, I have her at hand. It's only a matter of retrieval."

My lungs burned, and I clenched my fingers together as hard as I could.

"That's acceptable. I'll send you the details once I'm ready to go."

The rest of Peter's conversation was short; it comprised only a few more words on his part. It was the closest to panic that I'd ever seen him, and even still, he was more angry than anything else. He threw his phone to the table. It bounced and skidded right to the edge.

"How bad is it?"

"Bad." I could see the gears turning in his head. His phone chirped once, then again and again in rapid bursts. Peter reached over to grab it and read through the messages, tapping out a few of his own. "We have to take care of this ourselves."

"What?!" It was worse than my most terrifying speculations.

"Edward moved too soon. I don't know what he was thinking; maybe he saw an opportunity to get Chelsea out of the picture and went for it. They know they're under attack and Aro's demanding that I bring you to him. Now."

"They still think you're in their pocket?" I asked. I wasn't so sure that was the case, but then again, I was aware of how close Jasper and Peter were and that whichever side one of them was on, the other wasn't far. They were cunning — it wouldn't surprise me if they played their parts well enough that Aro didn't realize their first loyalties were to each other.

"Probably." Peter shrugged. Another message chirped through. "I'm certain enough. Jasper and Alice are, too. It could be useful to draw ourselves into the thick of things." Peter gestured between the two of us. "Jasper can turn around; Alice will stay on course to help Edward.

"We?" I asked. I had a nasty feeling about this.

"Yes, we." Peter frowned, a hard look in his eye and a stiff jaw. "They would know something was wrong if I came without you."

"What's stopping them from just killing me?" I hadn't meant to shriek, but that's how it came out.

Peter snapped his attention back to the glowing screen of his monitor still sitting on the table, before closing the lid. "I have a plan."

"Okay." I sat on the edge of the bed and forced myself to calm down. "Okay, what's the plan?"

Peter kept silent. That meant I wasn't going to like it.

"Spit it out."

"I trust you have no objection to being used for bait." He refused to elaborate further. That meant that I really wasn't going to like it.

I scowled. "Fine. Now what? Obviously, we have to go."

"Aro will have the whole brigade with him. They're expecting you, and they'll be cautious since they can't know for sure who's against them." Peter was little more than talking to himself. "Jasper needs twelve hours. We'll herd them in his direction. Cut it down to ten or eleven."

I knew what Peter wasn't saying. "We're leaving now, then?"

Peter didn't answer, only maintained his steady frown and even gaze. I got my coat.

"Do you remember what I said, before? About how sometimes it's just as hard to be the one to act?"

My gaze snapped to Peter's face, and the curling dread in my stomach quickened in an instant. "Yes."

My answer seemed to reassure him, to commit him to whatever scheme he'd come up with. "Then let's go. Guess we can't let Jasper have all the fun."

The night was dark and cold, with just enough humidity in the air to make every breath feel heavy.

"Look afraid," he had said when we left Grand Junction, and it was with no effort that I shuddered and replied, "No problem."

Peter said he could handle the Volturi, and I believed him, especially if he took them by surprise. That didn't make me any less nervous. It was a good thing, according to Peter: I had no poker face. The more anxious I was, the more believable I'd be. I wasn't sure I liked that part of his plan much. He was purposefully staying tense and short — ratcheting up the uncomfortable atmosphere of the car higher and higher the closer we got to our destination. I doubted even Jasper could be so effective.

I wanted to ask where we were, exactly, but just like every other thing I'd thought to say over the course of the past few hours, the words died on my lips. The last I noticed, we'd crossed the border into Iowa, and that had been hours ago. We pulled off the highway onto a service drive, and then down long, winding dirt roads with nothing but trees as far as the eyes could see on either side.

Abruptly, the car came to a stop. I jerked my head forward and found Jasper illuminated in the headlights.

Peter got out of the car. I opened my door so I could hear better, but stayed where I was. Jasper took a few long strides closer to my side.

"They've arrived at your meeting point. Aro, Renata, and Jane are inside. Alec and Heidi outside—I'll take care of them on my way in."

"Better than we expected. Not bad." Peter sounded off, nervous. "I'll walk in the front, you circle around?"

Jasper agreed. "I'll do what damage I can, fast. Three to two isn't terrible: we've managed with worse."

"I'll make a scene," Peter said. "They'll be distracted. Take care of Alec and Heidi, and then we'll handle the rest together."

Jasper narrowed his eyes, took a step forward. He scrutinized Peter with an intensity that made me uncomfortable. "Where's your head at, Peter? Maybe Bella should come with me. We'll still have the jump on them."

"My head's in the game." Peter matched Jasper's glare, unwilling to so much as blink. "Just be ready to act fast. We'll be on a clock. And eat on the way."

Jasper's gaze shifted over Peter's shoulder—he stared at me until I whispered, "It's okay."

In the next moment, Jasper had vanished.

"I need you afraid," Peter said once he climbed back into the car. He kept his eyes forward and shifted to drive. "So, let's just get this out of the way now: I'm sorry for what's about to happen. I just don't see any other way out of this."

This quiet and repentant Peter was nothing short of terrifying. I mulled over his apology until the next mile marker swept by; a dozen scenarios wrestled for my attention. I desperately ignored each one. "I trust you."

So soft, I wasn't sure I heard it at all, Peter breathed. "Just makes it worse."

The tires howled as Peter pulled into an abandoned lot and slammed on the brakes. What must have been, at one point, a factory loomed in the distance. Neon graffiti covered the façade — sharp angles drawn up, over, and around each other with a mesmerizing life of their own.

Anxiety froze me to my seat even after Peter opened his door, circled the car, and stood before me. His face was grim as he stared over my shoulder, out the other window, hard and calculating. I could pinpoint the moment his resolve solidified. He grabbed my arm, rough, and yanked me into the chilly night. I should have worn my coat.

My back hit his chest so hard the wind rushed from my lungs. I'd never been afraid of him before, but at that moment I was dangling inches away. "What are you doing?!"

"What I have to," Peter said, his breath tickling my ear. "What the rest of them are afraid to do."

He moved his mouth lower, pressed his lips just behind my ear, then lower still. I gulped, and held the breath in—kept still as I could, hoping time would freeze along with me. He wouldn't —

Who was I kidding, of course he would — and I trembled from my toes all the way up to my scalp as I realized he was going to. I clenched my teeth half a second before Peter's went tearing through my neck.

Peter sank to the ground in time with my legs giving out beneath me. The ground wavered. Years passed before he released his grip and let me crash to the asphalt. My knees and hands throbbed. I choked between coughs: wet, thick. The gritty lot under me glistened. I collapsed.

Stuttered breaths screamed in my lungs. The world crumbled around me. I convulsed and took ragged gasps. This moment was all I'd ever feared come to pass.

"It really is too bad," he muttered. "You deserve better."

I couldn't answer, couldn't think of the right words to say. It wasn't so terrible, this paralysis of my tongue, and my silence didn't matter, anyway. He always understood the things I couldn't voice.

I'd once thought life was an endless roller-coaster of anxiety and loss, interspersed with shimmers of the things that made such pain worth it. Love, warmth, Edward… those were the only things that shone through such black. I'd thought life was drowning until there was nothing left of me, but that was wrong. This path was finite — it had an end — and there was more out there than I'd ever imagined.

His shadow blanketed me, and I remembered how he'd sworn it wouldn't turn out like the last time, long ago, in a different life. He'd told me that the surface bends and shifts, just as sure as we all remain static in our core. It was much the same as what he told me now, but how could he be sure? He's the one who taught me that nothing is for certain.

Peter's fingers trailed down the curve of my cheek in a gesture far more caring than expected. Quieter than before, he muttered, "Let's go. Play your part. Don't give up, okay?"

"There's blood in the snow." Was it important for Peter to know that? It felt like it was… Was I bleeding? "Everyone will be hungry. Why are we doing this again?"

My vision swam, and the world tilted sideways. Peter scooped me into his arms and made his way to the factory. A crash splintered the surrounding air — the doors, I guessed — and I went tumbling to the floor. I cracked an eye open; there was so much dirt under my nails.

Three figures stood opposite Peter, with me in the middle. One yawned and stretched their arms far over their head. They seemed relaxed. Casual. Was that the point of this?

"How thorough," Jane said. I'd never be able to forget her voice, not even half-way to death. She didn't sound at all upset. "You didn't want to keep her?"

My lids fluttered and closed. Everything was so blurry.

"You think I want responsibility for that pathetic, annoying creature?" Peter sneered.

"I just know you've been lonely is all. Looks like it's too late, anyway. You always snack too much."

"I'm not that lonely. I was hoping to run into Edward before she ran out, though; too bad, huh?"

Lying, I told myself over and over. Peter was playing a role. Making a scene. It was the only thought with the potential to keep me sane, to keep me from disintegrating into the floor. I pushed my weight onto my hands in some bizarre portrayal of a push-up before collapsing again. "—all such liars."

"They're cute like this." Jane chuckled. Something snagged in my hair. "Don't you think?"

"Not really," Peter said. "I'm surprised they sent you. What's so special about this one that they relegated you to courier?"

Jane took a disturbingly long time to answer. My breaths grew shallow as my heart pounded away. I didn't know it was possible to fall asleep in such pain. "I volunteered. Call it… curiosity."

"And you?" Peter asked.

Jane hissed something about respect before a quiet, sharp voice answered. "I can see it was unnecessary. You've performed admirably, as always." Aro. I hated him more than I could comprehend.

"Did you expect anything less?"

A finger brushed over my cheek. "No. I suppose not. Such a shame; silent as ever."

"Guess I should finish her off then. You don't need anything else from me?"

"Not at the moment, no." I could hear the smirk in Aro's voice. "We'll leave you to it."

"I charge extra for disposal, you know."

A harsh fear gripped me tight, strangled me, cut off what little air I had left. Peter wouldn't really let me die on the floor, would he? No. I had to believe that he wouldn't. Still, my eyelids only fluttered for seconds. That thunderous heartbeat of mine wavered and slowed. It didn't feel like I needed to breathe, not really… A heavy fog filled the air; my clenched teeth and tensed muscles relaxed in an instant. For a moment, I forgot I was dying.

"Now, now, what do we have here?" Jasper asked, his drawl thick.

It didn't matter that my eyes were closed, that I was swimming in a vast sea of black, frantically trying to keep in mind which way was up. I knew Peter smiled.

"What a surprise. I expected you'd be in mourning with the rest of your coven. My condolences for the loss of your brother, and his plaything," Aro said, not sounding sorry at all.

"Well, you see, that's a bit of a problem. I've become rather attached to the girl, and she doesn't seem all that lost, yet." Jasper said his next words carefully. "Whoever bit her will pay. Ounce for ounce."

"So, you're the one pulling the strings."

"You could say that. Thanks for splitting up, didn't think you'd be so nice."

"Traitor." Jane hissed. A brief silence passed, and then her scream pierced my eardrums for ten full seconds. I thought I might have a headache, somewhere in the mess.

"Tsk, tsk," Jasper said, admonishment heavy. "You ought to think twice about letting your gift do the talking. It is a foolish thing to depend on, or have you forgotten my gift? Sorry about your brother, by the way. And your friend. Plus those fools in Italy my wife and Edward are taking care of. Huh, seems I have a lot more to apologize for than you do."

Aro's snarl catapulted through the air, his composure lost. "You will burn for this."

Jasper laughed. "I don't know if you want to talk so much shit. Don't get me wrong, I didn't think ripping your throat out would be easy, but did you have to make it such a pain in my ass? I wasted half my miles flying all over the damn place. No matter. You're here, I'm here. It's been so long since I've gotten to let loose. I'd forgotten how much fun it can be."

I pried my eyes open long enough to see that Jasper looked positively gleeful. He really was enjoying this too much. Six months ago his attitude would have made me vomit. I vomited anyway, but for a completely different reason.

"Now what do you say we settle this?" Jasper chuckled, and Jane's howl jolted me awake for a split-second before drowsiness set in again.

A crash bounded through the room, never ending; it repeated back, over and over. Commotion. Pain. This dying thing, it was like riding a bike.

I wondered if Jacob had ever made it back home, if Billy was still worried about him, and about what kind of dress Rosalie thought I would buy. I thought about Renee and how I should have called her more often, no matter how awkward talking to her had become; of Forks and La Push, and all the people I'd met there.

I thought of Bree… felt myself wind around my memories of her and share a sympathetic moment with the girl who had changed everything for me. I'd always thought she deserved so much better — and didn't I, too?

There was Charlie, waiting for me to come home. Nothing could ever make up for leaving him hanging. It wasn't fair to place blame, but I was cold and my neck hurt and with the stars swimming beneath my eyelids I couldn't think of anything better to do. And then there was Peter. Never making promises. Giving no assurances. Peter, who I trusted more than anyone else, even now; he said not to give up. He kept secrets, but he never told me lies. Peter wouldn't let me die here on the floor. He wouldn't.

Someone burned. Who it was, I couldn't tell: more ashes, floating in the wind.

I opened my eyes long enough to make out Jasper and Peter. A glimpse of a furious Jane being slammed through the destroyed wall catapulted through my vision. She slid and twisted, rounding on Peter with her fingers curled into fists before my lids slid closed again. Concentration went only so far as to let me make out the sounds of a struggle, then pounding on my chest and hands gripping my face.

Jasper was shouting, somewhere in the distance.

"Come on! Breathe!"

Air filled my lungs without instruction. The world exploded into a shower of sparks, and then it was gone.