Evangelion: Rebuild a Legend - Chapter 16
Mind the Gaps
2004 A.D., Waseda II University
Kaji stumbled into the dorm's kitchenette, eyes bleary, groggy as hell. Scruffy in the way only a guy with five o'clock shadow (stacked across two or three days) can be.
He had thought the night would never end.
Hadn't wanted it to, really.
The trio had crashed party after party across the campus, amping up their libidos with a constant barrage of booze, drugs, and a whole lot of everything - good god - the girls practically oozed sexuality with every move they made.
And they were just toying with him, dragging him around, making it into a game to see who could take the teasing the longest.
Kaji gave as good as he got though, at least if their high-pitched squeals had been any indicator.
He hadn't been expecting such a fortuitous windfall in the whole "secret agent seduction department" but he wasn't looking a gift horse in the mouth.
As it turned out it had been Katsuragi's daughter who had broken first during an impromptu makeout session on a campus park bench. A passing security guard had not been amused, yelling at them and swinging his flashlight around impotently as the co-eds made a mad dash for the dorms.
Kanji's belt was forever lost somewhere behind a park bench, and what started out as a passionate sprint across dew-laden lawns morphed into an all-night lust-filled marathon in a six tatami bedroom.
Ritsuko was the first to bow out an hour or so later; she never came back from the bathroom - did she fall asleep in the tub?
Misato though - Misato just didn't stop. The girl fucked like she was making up for lost time.
Huh. He guessed she was.
He had left her the next morning the same way he'd found her when he'd woken up: snoring, limbs all akimbo, mostly covered in a blanket. His jeans had been caught under her ankle and there was a five minute long removal operation he undertook to retrieve them without waking her, but he couldn't find his shirt for the life of him.
"Hey."
Oh. It looked like Ritsuko had crashed on the little couch in the living area - he noticed a crumpled up blanket on top of the cushions.
She was sitting at the tiny kitchen table drinking a mug of coffee and taking a drag from a cigarette. He noted she was on #3 given the state of the ashtray.
Funny, she hadn't tasted like cigarettes last night, but then again the woman in front of him was holding herself completely different from the one he'd met half a day before.
Aloof. Not shy, but distant.
"Hey," he greeted back, pulling up a chair and sitting in it backwards, legs strewn over the sides. He thought it made him look cool but Ritsuko just raised an eyebrow as if to say, "Really? That's the move you're going with?"
"So…" he started out - where do you even start a conversation the morning after a ménage à trois?
"Had a good time?"
"Yeah." He gave her his best roguish grin.
"Mmmhmm," she took another drag and then pushed a huff his way, "Well, probably not happening again, but yeah, good times."
His grin widened at the challenge. "We could always go for round #2?"
She scoffed. "What, and wake sleeping beauty?" A distant snore punctuated her playful retort.
He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"Well she can always join us if she wakes up."
Ritsuko gave his bare torso an appraising look, looked up at the ceiling for a second as if to consider, and then stubbed out her cigarette.
"Eh, what the hell."
Several hours later Kaji waved his way out the door and out of the building. Misato had in fact woken up again, demanded another round, and tried to call dibs on him.
It was carefully explained to him that it was a one-not-both deal, and he'd been sent on his way to think that over. There was a game of rock-paper-scissors thrown in there somewhere but he was pretty sure Ritsuko had thrown it in favor of Misato's claim on him.
There was some hushed giggling and conversation about a repeat - together - it was all a blur, honestly.
Kaji thought he could get used to this whole college life deal.
So he made his way off campus the slow way, taking a meandering route that belied the male-walk-of-shame he was expected to perform, performing the bare minimum of evasion that his tradecraft demanded. Thankfully Ritsuko had found his shirt stuffed in the front door's mail slot so he was mostly clothed.
Mostly. He was barefoot, somehow. Where had he lost his shoes?
Kaji walked down the street until he saw a passing cab slow down, unsignalled, which he got in when it pulled up next to him and popped open its mechanized door.
"Fun night, agent Ryoji?"
"Yeah. It was… very informative."
"Ho?" The older driver asked, pulling away from the curb.
Kaji reached up and pulled out his earring, passing it to the cab-driver's waiting hand. The little innocuous piece of metal disappeared into the white gloved hand.
"Can't wear this anymore. She said it makes me look dumb. Dump the audio: there's plenty. You'll want to pay special attention to when we were asleep. Get the techs to play up the subvocals. She talks in her sleep. A lot."
The miniature recording device hopefully picked up everything she mumbled when he'd finally passed out next to her.
"Anything interesting?"
Kaji nodded as they pulled up to his apartment complex.
"I only caught a few things before I passed out. Try cross-referencing whatever you hear with the Katsuragi Expedition. I heard a name at least once."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Ikari."
2015 A.D., +3 Days After Sachiel
NERV Japan
Shinji dragged himself out of his bed like a sloth drunk on molasses.
Everything hurt.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow-www," he hitched to himself, pushing his toes into slippers before opening his apartment door to the common room.
"Good morning, Shinji."
His dad was once again seated at the breakfast table, but this time Dr. Akagi was next to him. They were eating toast. With jam, he noted - an upgrade from his father's last attempt at cooking.
Thank god it wasn't natto. His old teacher loved natto for breakfast and shoved it front of Shinji's face without fail every single time they shared a meal.
"Oh, uh, hello father," he said gingerly, duck-walking towards the table.
No Misato, no Lily - wait, who was the third person holding up the newspaper...
"*wark*" Pen-pen welcomed him, putting down his copy of the Yomiuri Shimbun.
"How was your training yesterday?" his father inquired.
"Good, I mean, it was fine, I mean - well," he stumbled along, standing in front of the table and looking down at the plates of dubious looking toasted bread, "I'm pretty sore, actually."
Ritsuko noted his pained expression and went digging in her coat pocket. "I brought these for you, Shinji, they're Ringl - I should've had Maya prescribe you some after your workout yesterday. Sorry about that."
She slid the bottle of ibuprofen over to him.
"Oh, oh! Thank you, Dr. Akagi, I mean - oh, um, just with water, right?"
"Exactly, and with some food."
He nodded before hobbling over to the sink, grabbing a cup of cold water to swish down the capsules. He was about to ask if anyone wanted something more substantive for breakfast but his father broke the silence first.
"Ritsuko, am I imagining it or is this penguin reading?"
Ritsuko, who had been side-eying Misato's pet, nodded towards Gendo - she had been ignoring Misato and Pen-pen's antics for years, but was suddenly unsure about their aquatic table partner.
"Pen-pen," she asked, "Are you... reading the newspaper?"
"*wark-wark*"
Two pairs of human eyes swiveled to Shinji for interpretation, who quickly shook his hands outwards, "Oh, uh, I don't really understand him, either! B-but, Pen-pen is really smart, though!"
Gendo looked back at the penguin and shifted his orange glasses down a bit, scratching his beard in contemplation.
"Is… this a recent change in his behavior?"
Ritsuko knew Gendo was thinking that Lily might have decided to experiment on the only non-human sample she had nearby.
"Oh! No," Shinji explained, "I, I mean look in his fridge. It's got a recliner and a lamp and everything! I saw him take a book in there the other day!"
A new voice joined the conversation from the far side of the room where Misato and Lily's door was now open.
"Hello sir. Actually, he's been like this since I rescued him from the genetics lab that was going to have him - um, destroyed."
Misato was dressed in a standard Nerv uniform - a complete departure from her usual dresses - and strode towards them as she talked. Lily trailed behind her, wearing a copy of the Nerv uniform for civilian personnel.
Gendo tried to ask, "A genetics lab, one of GEHIRN's? Do you - " but Lily interrupted.
"Subject BX 293A, or Pen-pen, as you call him, is a sentient lifeform and unique from other li- er, lifeforms," she stated, avoiding the label of lilin, and easily plucked him up from his seat and placed him in her own lap.
"Good morning, Private Tsukino," Gendo said drily. Ritsuko nodded towards her with a bite of toast in her mouth.
"Good morning to you, Commander Ikari, Dr. Akagi, Private Shinji."
He looked at Misato, "You explained our military command structure to her?"
Misato nodded, "She's really quick at 'assimilating data' as she calls it. You should see her when we watch my soaps. She. Spoils. Everything." She put a hand on her forehead, splaying her fingers in frustration. "I mean, everything."
"It is not my fault that your idea of entertainment consists of simple decision-making trees that are weighted more towards amusing the audience with repetitive tropes than the cruel chaos of an impartial and uncaring reality," Lily, the definitely-not-a-teenage-human-girl said defensively.
Shinji snorted at the sink with his back still turned.
Gendo quickly decided that derailing this potential rant was a better idea, for the moment, than trying to gain additional insight into the inner mental workings of a godlike being.
"Are you sore as well from yesterday's training, Private Tsukino?"
Pen-pen looked up at her as she froze. Her eyes went completely blank for a second before she looked over at him and responded. "This body has increased its energy conversion efficiency a small amount, but there are leftover acids in its musculature from the strenuous exercise."
"So, yes," Misato restated.
"Yes," Lily affirmed, "Although I would like to note that Shinji seems far more affected than I and - wait - what is that?" She had stopped and cocked her head in mid-air. Suddenly a buzz came from Gendo's pocket and he pulled out his cell-phone, noting that he had received a text.
"What, Lily?" Misato asked, eying Gendo.
"That!" she said again, and another text popped onto Gendo's cell-phone's screen. Ritsuko leaned over.
Gendo turned the phone around to her. "This is a long range communication device called a cell-phone."
"I see. You use microwaves to both cook and to communicate?" she queried.
Shinji, for his part, was halfway through making egg-wrapped rice for whoever wanted any, half-paying attention to the antics when it suddenly struck him: who doesn't know what a cell-phone is?
Gendo, noticing Shinji's paused hands, coughed loudly and Misato got the hint.
"Ahaha! That's a funny joke, Lily. Hahahaha. Aha." Misato had not yet mastered Distraction Scenario B4, it seemed.
Lily looked confused for a moment, and then remembered she was supposed to be a hikokimori, and promptly panned back, "Ahaha, yes big sister. I do try. Next you will tell me that you use base 2 encoding for your artificial information systems architecture."
Ritsuko was nonplussed.
"We… do."
"Ahahahahaha!" Lily's face broke into a wide pit: Gendo realized that he could see all 32 of her teeth. She shut down the grin into a parody of a pitying look. "How quaint."
Ritsuko redirected the conversation quickly, thankful the talk of binary and computer coding had flown over Shinji's head. "Um, Commander, was it important?" She motioned down to his phone.
He read it, paused, then read it again.
"It seems that President Obama would like me to debrief the U.N. in person." He looked at her significantly: "This is unexpected."
Shinji turned around in shock, "You're going to America, father?"
Gendo clicked his cellphone closed.
"Yes, however, before I go, I have new orders for you and Private Tsukino, hrm, Dr. Akagi can brief you, I need to go pack."
Ritsuko swallowed the last of her toast and slid out two identical folders. Shinji walked over to see as she flipped one open. Gendo, meanwhile, stood up and made his way to the door, listening as she began explaining.
"So you both will now report to Captain Asuka Soryu, the Second Child, for virtual distance and simulation training…"
The door slid shut just as he heard Katsuragi let out a: "She's activating Unit-02?!"