Chapter 19

Dean stepped into the gym/Community center and looked around not seeing Mason, so he headed deeper into the building. He headed for the spa area first, to see if he was there, thinking he might be waiting there for him.

"Dean, how was your first day of work?" Mason asked stepping from a room.

"It was okay. Felt good to get my hands dirty working on an engine again."

"And did you eat lunch at the diner?"

"I did, I'm hooked on the Herb special. It does quell that inner craving."

"He does do a tasty heart in sauce, and I see you made it out without Sophie attacking you," Mason replied chuckling lightly. "We can be a little…Aggressive, when it comes to that sort of thing."

"I'm starting to see that," Dean replied awkwardly as he blushed slightly. He wasn't sure how sex would work and didn't want to test the waters yet. That was something that could wait until he had better control of himself.

"Good news, you are cleared and off probation. There was nothing reported in the area you mentioned or anywhere around there. You only killed a wild animal like you thought."

"That is good to hear," Dean nodded, relieved he was right about that. That was one burden he didn't have to carry anymore.

"Why don't we try something different this afternoon?" Mason suggested motioning for Dean to enter the room he came out of.

"I guess," Dean said cautiously. "But no more water baths." He stepped through the door into a smaller room with mats on the floor and chairs positioned around the wall. The blinds were drawn making the room dimly lit. He stopped for a moment to let his eyes adjust to the change in lighting.

"I thought we'd try some relaxation techniques today. If you can calm your mind, you can delve deep into your psyche and find the beast. And maybe you can connect with it or at least start the process. I will talk you through it and be your anchor if you need."

Dean turned to look at him for a moment when he mentioned anchor because he knew who his anchor should be, but he wasn't here. A sadness washed over him as he swallowed hard and stuffed his emotions away. He would be seeing his brother soon; he was going to make sure of that.

"Why don't you sit here," Mason offered moving a chair out to the center of the room for him.

Dean sat down and wiggled around getting comfortable. He let his arms rest on the arms of the chair and worked on relaxing his body. He watched Mason walk to a table and start a pendulum moving. A soft thump-thump filled the room as the hand swept from one side to the other in a steady motion. Dean couldn't hear any other noises but the pendulum and then the soft, calm voice of the leader, Mason speaking to him.

"Alright Dean, close your eyes and listen to the rhythm of the sound. Breath in and out, nice and slow. Relax your body, nothing's going to harm you, you're in a safe place. Let your mind go blank, slow breaths, thump-thump," Mason whispered as he watched Dean trying to do as he asked. He could see resistance in him not wanting to let go, to stay in control. "Don't be afraid to allow it to happen Dean. Nothing is going to happen that you don't want to."

After Dean closed his eyes, he tried to do what Mason wanted, relax and breath evenly. He could sense and smell Mason beside him and heard his soft words. He loosened his shoulders and concentrated on the pendulum sound and the steady noise it was making. As he focused on it, he could feel his heart beating in sync with it. Dean started to feel a lightness to his body and Mason's voice seemed to move farther away and grow softer, but he could still hear him. It seemed like the voice was in Dean's mind now guiding him and encouraging him.

"Look inward Dean, you need to search deep down in your mind for the beast. It's waiting on you, the control is in your reach, you must want it. Nothing in your mind can harm you. There may be memories that will upset you, don't linger on them. Push past them and go further, you can feel the surging in you. It wants to be free…"

Dean turned inward as images flashed by, some good and some bad. He pushed past them, not dwelling on them, like he was told, and seemed to grow calmer as he felt a slight pressure on one shoulder. Mason had laid a hand carefully on Dean's shoulder when he sensed and saw his body stiffen slightly in distress.

"Move past those memories you don't want to see, delve into the darkness and you will find it waiting…."

It happened suddenly and startled Dean when he found the beast. He could sense the hunger, the desire to be free, the anger building and when he touched it, was like touching a live wire, propelling him away and out of the trance he was in. Dean jerked and tensed every muscle in his body as his eyes flew open and he sucked in huge mouths of air.

"It's okay Dean," Mason assured him squeezing his shoulder gently. "That wasn't bad for the first time. You made contact with the beast and most don't get that far this soon, I'm impressed."

Dean's hand was shaking as he raised it to wipe his face. He concentrated on slowing his heartbeat and wet his dry lips trying to process what he had felt. There was something about the beast, it was like he knew it already, but just couldn't understand it yet. It wasn't alien or foreign to him like he thought it would be.

"Here, why don't you sip some water?" Mason offered holding out a bottle.

A bottle of water was held in his line of sight and he took it to drink. He flinched when a sharp pain shot through his head for a moment before slowly fading away. His breathing and heartbeat had slowed now, and he listened to the thump of the pendulum as it grew clearer now, once his ears popped, until Mason stopped it.

"Why don't you sit here for a few minutes and gather your thoughts? I will get one of the guys to spar with you for a bit and show you some exercises you can do on your own. You have about two hours before Mia will have dinner ready."

"Alright," Dean mumbled drinking a little more water. He glanced at the clock on the wall and saw nearly two hours had passed since he sat down in the chair. This surprised him because it felt he was only under for fifteen or twenty minutes. He thought about how it felt to touch the beast within him and found it wasn't as frightening as he thought it would be. Even though the sensation didn't last long, Dean had a better understanding and feel for it and was determined to control it. He sat there a little longer before getting up to find who Mason wanted him to spar with.

spn

Dean fell into a routine over the following days. He would go to the garage and work until lunch, hit the diner in town for lunch, and then the gym/spa in the afternoon, unless Mason had something else he wanted him to do. Life seemed simple here, and the clan all worked to make it a good place to live. It felt good when other clan members greeted him by name and made him feel welcome. He felt he belonged here now and it felt good.

Dean went with a couple of the guys from the gym on a hunt north of the town in the wilderness. Since Dean didn't have control of changing, they used bows, not guns, to make their kills, telling him it gave the animals a fighting chance. He was rusty with the bow but did manage to help take down a large boar. They bled their kills in the wilderness before hoofing it out with the carcasses. The animals' bodies were taken to the processing plant to be skinned and made ready for consumption. He was surprised at how human it all seemed. And it seemed nothing was wasted.

He continued his training and spent time meditating since he didn't need Mason there now, he had learned to put himself into the trance like state and since he had found the beast, it was easier to get back to it. Each time he made contact he was able to keep it a little longer. He still couldn't pinpoint what was so familiar about it. It seemed to be just out of his reach and each time he almost had it, it disappeared.

spn

It had been nearly two weeks since he first came to the werewolf Community and he was starting to sense that itch coming on and knew he needed to find a hunt. Dean had been thinking about it for a day or two and knew he had been out of the game long enough. He still hadn't gained complete control over his beast, but there had been progress made.

Mason stepped out onto the back deck and spotted Dean sitting in a lounge chair looking up at the stars.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked being polite.

"It's fine," Dean answered. He knew it was time to tell him his plans. There was no use putting it off any longer.

"I sense you have something on your mind Dean, would you like to talk about it?"

"Being here has been enlightening and it has helped me so much. I can't thank you and your wife enough for letting me stay here in your home and feeding me. But it's time I got ready to leave. This place is great, and I could see myself settling down here, but I'm a hunter. It's in my genes and I can't just stop doing it. There are still monsters out there killing innocent people and I can stop them. I'm good at it, maybe one of the best, and I need to get back into the game."

"I'm surprised you've stayed this long Dean. I could feel your struggles and knew you were probably going to leave soon."

"Yeah, well, I need to see my little brother too. It's been too long since we've been together. I need to tell him the truth and let him decide if he wants to still stay with me or kill me. He's all the family I've got left, besides our surrogate father, and it's my responsibility to look out for him and keep him safe. I've done it all my life. It's ingrained in me to protect him, no matter what changes have happened to me. I'm still Dean Winchester."

"And if he decides to leave or kill you?"

"Guess I'll figure it out when and if it happens."

"You will always have a home here and we are your family now too. You don't ever have to be alone Dean. I know you must do what's right for you, and I understand. I am here if you need to talk or need my help, I hope you will call me."

"Thanks, I'll remember that. I'll stay one more day to tell the others goodbye. I'm going to find a hunt and email Sammy to let him know I'll be seeing him soon." Dean got up from the chair and strolled toward the back door to go inside. He headed for the stairs and to his room. He opened his laptop and let it boot up before going into his email account. He hit create and stared at the screen as he tried to compose an email to his brother. He thought about it and composed it in his head before starting to type.

'Sammy,

Things took a little longer than I expected, but it's all good. I've found one more possible hunt nearby that I want to check out before coming to get you. I want you to be one hundred percent before you get back into hunting. I know I'm sounding all mysterious and crap, but everything is fine. I'm fine. I have some things to tell you and it needs to be said in person. I'll send you a text when I'll be heading your way to get you. I've missed bro.

Your awesome big brother,

Dean'

He sat back and read over it a few times before finally hitting the send button. Dean was concerned about how Sam would react to what happened to him. He was sure Sam wouldn't kill him, but he didn't know if he would still want to hunt with him. He sighed deeply before pulling up his search engines and looking for a case. Dean planned on staying one more day so he could tell Rich and the guys at the gym goodbye. He didn't want to just up and leave without an explanation.

After the programs compiled a list, Dean started scrolling through it to see if there were any possible cases nearby or between the Community and the cabin. He read through a few and found something that might be worth looking into. It was only five hours from where he was at and headed in the right direction. He dug out a pen and pad to take some notes before closing his laptop down and getting ready for bed. He wasn't looking forward to telling the friends he had made here goodbye, but he couldn't abandon his brother either. Dean was sure this wouldn't be the last time that he visited the Community and the new family that he had now.

He wanted Sam by his side in this new chapter of his life. He just hoped Sam would want the same.

A/N: Dean knows it time to leave before his next change and to hunt, and he wants to tell Sam what happened. Things will get complicated before getting better. I do like reviews. NC