Chapter 17: Heaven's missing an angel
What if it were different? What if you made different choices and cause a different outcome, would you actually know the outcome? It's a scary thought, but some choices were set in stone before they were ever made. When you start to think about the people beside you and the world that could've been, that's when you start to question yourself.
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I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and sunshine beating down on my face from the window. I sat myself up and stretched my back. "Another beautiful morning in the Loud house." I said in my usual angelic voice. I climbed down the top of the bunk bed and saw my sister, Luna still sleeping. Luan was on the other side of the room asleep as well. I tapped my twin lightly on the shoulder. "Luna. Luuuna." I softly said. Luna slowly awoke and looked at me. "Morning, sleepyhead." I said. "Good morning." She said. "You gotta get up, don't want to be late to breakfast again." I left the room and saw the line outside of the bathroom. "Morning, everyone!" I said to my many siblings. "Morning, Leia." They all said. I got in line behind Lucy, my gothic younger sister. "Good morning, Lucy." I said to her. "Good morning, Leia." She said in her usual raspy, undead tone. "You seem happy today." She said. "Why shouldn't I be happy? It's another beautiful day!" I exclaimed.
I eventually got into the bathroom and did my usual routine: toilet, shower, brush. I was brushing my long hair and I could feel how soft it was. I looked in the mirror and saw my face, I definitely looked like Luna, face wise anyway. My hair was longer than hers and I did wear a dress. If anything, I resembled Leni more. I finished up in the bathroom and left. I went back into my room to get my clothes. I grabbed my skirt, dress shirt, vest and stockings. I'll put my tie on later. I was basically the exact opposite of my twin, but we still loved each other.
I went downstairs for breakfast and I was the first in line. "Good morning, Dad." I said as I saw my father in the kitchen. "Morning, Leia." He said with his usual smile. "Got your favorite. Bacon and French toast with a side of maple syrup." He handed me my plate and I went to the dining table. The others came shortly in a line, got their food and sat at the table as well. Everyone was enjoying their meals. "So, Leia, Cass called." Mom said. "Did she?" I asked excitedly. "Honestly, I don't why you hang out with her." Dad said. "Why not?" I said. "She's not a great role model." He answered. "Anyway, she wanted to know if you want to see that new Ace Savvy movie." Mom said. "Oh that would be lovely!" I exclaimed. "Oh come on. She gets to see the new Ace Savvy movie and I have to earn the money?" Lincoln said. "Lincoln part of growing up is taking responsibility and earning the money yourself." Dad said. "But that doesn't count when you're invited somewhere." Dad was wise. "What time is the movie?" I asked. "6 pm. Try to get back before midnight." Mom demanded. "Not a problem." I said.
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5:45 pm
I was just outside the mall, waiting for Cass. I was sitting on a bench just outside the theatre, minding my own business. All of sudden, I feel someone pull on my hair. "Hi Leia." It was Isabel Mogul and her boyfriend, Max Brody. "Oh..um..Hi Isabel.." I was a bit scared of her, mostly cause of her boyfriend. "What's new with you?" She asked. "Just..waiting for someone." I said. "For who? One of your sisters?" Max chimed. "No. A friend." I retaliated. "A friend? Surprising. You know, since you don't got any." Isabel said. "I have friends." I stated. "Yeah right." She said. "Face it Leia, you're a talentless loser with no friends but those sisters and brother you got." She was hitting close to home. Just then, someone pulled Isabels hair and Max's ear. "No friends huh?" It was Cass. She pushed Isabel onto the floor and Max away. "Who's this now?!" Isabel said. "Someone who'll knock your teeth out if you don't scram." Cass threatened. "Whatever. Let's go, Max." They left us alone.
"Cass!" I went over and hugged my friend. "Who were those guys?" She asked. "Isabel Mogul and Max Brody, a true jock and head cheerleader kind of couple." I told her. "Why were they bothering you?" She asked. "It's nothing." I replied. "Nothing? Bullshit, that ain't nothing. If I ever see those guys bothering you again, I swear-" I cut her off. "Let's just go see the movie." We went inside and got our snacks. "Hey, Cass? Why do you want to see the Ace Savvy movie? I thought you didn't like Ace Savvy." I said. "Ohhh, you know. Thought it'd be nice." She said. She seemed a bit off, she usually doesn't do anything like this. We got to the theatre and took our seats.
The movie was still a few minutes away, so we had time to talk. "So how are you?" I asked. "I haven't seen or heard from you a couple days." We usually talk all the time, but recently she's been avoiding me. "Yeah..Sorry about that. I just needed some time to think." She explained. "About what?" The previews started. She sighed. "Leia, you ever had..feelings for someone?" She looked nervous. "What kind of feelings?" I was puzzled. "...You remember those old romantic movies we used to watch and make fun of?" She asked. "Of course I do." I said with that goofy smile I always had. She smiled back. "God, I love that smile." She said under her breath. "Look, Leia, you remember that one about that girl that fell in love with her best friend?" She said. "Which one? There were a lot of them." I said. "I don't know...I'm making a mess of this." She seemed really nervous, but anxious. "Jacob told me to do this, but I don't know how." I put my hand on her shoulder and she jumped a little. "You okay?" I asked. "Yes." She lied. "...No. No, I'm not." She admitted. "Well, you can talk to me about anything. I can already tell you got feelings for someone. Who?" I said. She hesitated. "My best friend." She said. "Oooooo. Who is it?! Jason? Samantha?" I was never keen on gossip, but I do enjoy a bit every now and then. "Oh..it's uh..someone very special." She said. "Well if you're not gonna tell me, you can at least describe them." She had my full attention. She smiled. "She's kind, sweet, understanding, lovable, a beautiful face, cute freckles, luscious brown hair." She explained. "She sounds lovely" My dim witted self said. "Leia." She put her hand on mine. "She's you."
The movie started, but I wasn't paying attention. "Wh-what?" I blushed. "I've had these feelings for awhile, but I never knew what they were." She said. "I talked to Jacob about it and he told me to come out and say it." She was blushing as well. I was silent in surprise. "It's alright if you don't feel the same way." She said sadly. "I-I should go." She tried to leave, but I grabbed her arm and sat her back down. "Leia?" She said, surprised by my act. I kept staring at her with that same blush plastered on my face. "Do you.." I started. "Do you really feel that way?" There were stars in my eyes. "Ye-Yeah." She shyly answered. "Well..." I made our hands meet once again. "Maybe...Maybe I feel something too." I said. "Y-You do?" I could see her eyes twinkle in the dark theater. I shyly looked away. "Ever since we met, you've been by my side when I needed you. You're strong, independent, caring, in your own that is." I said as I gave a small giggle, she loved it when I giggled.
"I never admitted my feelings because you're this big, strong biker and I'm just this prim and perfect girl in a dress." I admitted. "I'm happy you admitted, I don't think I could've built up the courage to tell you." She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into a long, loving kiss. I was surprised, but I didn't fight it, and I really enjoyed it. It was my first kiss, but I felt as though it was one that could last forever, oh how I wanted it to last forever. But I realized something, something I should've realized before. I pushed Cass off of me. "Wait a minute, this isn't right." I said. "Leia, please, don't give me that same gender crap." Cass pleaded. "No, no it's not that." I scanned the room and noticed that some of the people looked very familiar. "Something's wrong. Somethings very wrong." I got up and walked out of the theater and Cass followed me. "Leia, what's wrong? I-I understand if you don't think we should love each other, but please." She pleaded. I looked around the halls and noticed every theater was playing the Ace Savvy movie. I felt my head begin to ache and my vision blurred. I shook my head, but nothing. "Leia? Leia, are you okay?" Cass asked. I saw Isabel in the distance, but Brody was nowhere to be seen. "Oh look, it's Princess Leia." Isabel remarked as she spotted me walking towards her. "Did your little date go wrong?" I could feel an anger rise in me for some reason and my body started to control itself. I started walking faster towards Isabel. "You got somewhere to be, Princess? Why you walking so fas-" I head-butted Isabel square in the nose which broke it. "Ah! My nose!" She said as she stumbled back and fell. "Leia! Holy shit!" Cass was surprised by my action, I would never hurt anyone. I remained unfazed and walked into the mall bathroom. "Leia, what the fuck was that?" Cass said as she entered the bathroom with me. I started washing my face and the makeup left streaks down my face. "Somethings wrong. Somethings definitely not right." My voice became raspy and deep, like gravel. My breathing became fast and my thoughts raced throughout my head. This wasn't right. Why is Cass in Royal Woods? Why am I peppy in a dress? What happened to my voice? Why was I scared of some two-bit jock and Ms. Bitchaton? Why are we seeing the Ace Savvy movie, didn't that movie come out two years ago? "Leia? Are you okay?" Cass was scared and worried for me. I felt something heavy on my face and multiple things stuck to my arms and legs. I looked at myself in the mirror, this wasn't me, it was some version of me, but definitely not me. I smashed my head head against the mirror and cracked it. "Leia!" Cass screamed as she tried to pull me back. There was no blood on my face. I smashed it again and the same result occurred, except the world around me stuttered for a second. I grabbed hold of whatever was heavy on my face and started to rip it off. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" I screamed as I tore the thing off my eyes.
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I tore the thing off and found some sort of visor in my hands. I looked around my body and saw suction cups stuck on my skin. I was on some sort of moving ball, simulating the idea of movement, like a treadmill that could move at every angle. "Well, that's unfortunate." I looked to my right and saw my younger sister, Lisa, at her desk with some kind of monitor. I was in her and Lily's room, on some sort of machine. "What happened?" I said in a daze. "You pummeled some brute at school." Lisa said in an uninterested tone. "Yeah I know that, but what happened after?" I said to the young prodigy. "You personally applied a heavy dose of force to your cranium and went into a comatose state for the rest of the current day." She explained in her normal scientific wording. "So basically, I knocked myself out." I said. "In simplistic term, yes." She got down from her chair. "Afterwards, Luna called Mother and rushed you home." She said. "To which I was interested in running some tests on your mental state. So, I created a three dimensional space, with aspects and memories that you harbor, and put you in to see how you would react." This kid was smart, maybe a little too smart for her own good. "While that was happening, I ran a scan on your brainwaves and personal traits to find what makes you tick." She said. "You went poking around in my head." I said. "Again, in simplistic term." She said.
"You seem to have a hostile reaction once you realize an issue, have little regard for the safety of others or yourself, impulsive behavior, lack of restraint..." She listed my traits. "You know what I have?" This may be the time I actually learn the truth of this red mist. "Affirmative." She said. "It would appear you have a case of Antisocial Personality Disorder, a common trait that could potentially lead to a person becoming a serial killer." APD? She fucking serious? "Woah woah woah. APD? No that can't be right." I didn't want to believe it. "The scans don't lie, my older sibling." She said. "The x-rays of your cerebral cortex showed that you also have minimal brain damage, which would cause blood to flow to the damaged parts and create visions when an extreme emotional response is triggered, the most active trigger for you is anger." She explained. "This is your red mist." My red mist. "You know about it?" I asked. "Luna told us." Luna told them. How much did she tell them? "You also show signs of Survivor Syndrome, street name, survivor's guilt" That I could believe. "You have a whole host of problems." She said. "But you do show some promise." Promise? Now that's a fairy tale. "You do show guilt for your actions and apathy for others, which is not found in most APD patients. You also have showed recent control over this problem, so there is a very real chance you can conquer it." She said. "Conquer?" I said in a shaky voice. "Conquer may be a strong word, more like apprehend it." She corrected herself. "Ho-how much did Luna tell you?" I asked. She turned to me. "She told us everything you said in the bathroom." Us? So they all knew. I sat on floor and let my mind wander as Lisa droned on.
They all know. They all know what you did. You let your anger take control of you and committed horrible things. Lynn was right to be cautious of you, you would probably be the same if you were in her shoes. You aren't stronger, you're just more broken. They'll never look at you the same way again. You'll be the black sheep again and you can never leave that role. You doomed yourself the minute you rode into town. You earned every name you got because they perfectly describe you. Loco, Loser, the only name you'll never earn is the one you desperately want back, Loud. I got up and slowly left the room as Lisa chattered on. I couldn't hear my surroundings, only the blissful silence of nothing. I walked slowly down the stairs and to the front door. I opened the red door to the Loud family residence and left on to the porch. I walked down these rickety steps and I could hear the voices of old haunt me like spirits from the beyond, so close but so far out of my reach. I heard the laughter of blissful children and the chatter of adults on the patio. I heard the voices of my friends and family talking and laughing as the good times played out. I heard my love calling my name for me to join her. I walked to the garage in some sort of beautiful bliss and open the large metal door that separated me from my pride. I saw Lassie and the voices of laughter and joy twisted into screams of fear and pain dripping down from the sky. I heard the sound of engines crashing and roaring like angry lions fighting for control. I walked up to my old bike that was gifted to me and looked to it's empty holsters that once held dual shotguns that could obliterate a man where he stands. I heard the sounds of gunfire and chainsaws roaring as fire cooked away at the remains. My gaze fell upon a drawer nearby and the sounds only got louder and closer as I moved to the drawer. I opened the container and the sounds stopped. Inside was my fathers old revolver, laying dormant in the dusty container. My mind was clear and my goal was just. I always believed the darkness took everyone it could get its claws on, but one still remained left on this earth. I picked up the revolver and felt it's cold metal barrel differ from the wooden stock. I loaded the gun and pulled the hammer back, ready to draw the last breath of a monster. In some deranged way, I found peace. I was almost happy in that moment, I felt as though I was bringing an end to a tale that should've reached it final page years ago. I should've done this long ago, but I didn't have a reason. Now, now I have all the reason in the world to judge my decision as just and fair. I put the end of the barrel to my head, finger ready to pull the very thing that could end it all. The Eagles will die with me and so will my memories of the pain and sorrow that was brought upon me and I have brought upon others. I'm ready. I'm ready to ride the endless road that leads to nowhere, at least then I'd have solace as my shadow and blood would no longer fuel me. It was so quiet...
"LEIA!"