A/N: Hello ! Thanks a lot to all of you who leave reviews or PMs, it's so nice to get your feedback and encouragement, it really helps keep me motivated. And thanks to everyone who reads too!
Chapter 24
Lianna System, in the heart of the Tion Cluster, Outer Rim.
Zorii had always considered herself a smart person. Cunning. Resourceful under all circumstances. Oh, she sometimes made mistakes, she wasn't perfect, although her great pride prevented her from admitting it to anyone. Yet today, that famous pride — the very pride that had always allowed her to survive and keep her dignity — had just betrayed her. She had rarely doubted her abilities in her life, but since she had embarked on this mission two weeks earlier, she hadn't stopped questioning what she believed she was.
Zorii now thought she was stupid. A first for sure. But as she watched her ship get swallowed up by the huge station orbiting the planet Lianna, she couldn't help but rave about the mistakes she had made because of her pride. It was that pride that had made her race headlong into the pursuit of the spy. Chasing her relentlessly, without stopping for a single moment. She had hastily travelled the hyperspace routes leading away from the Core Worlds.
If the reasonable side of her mind had been astonished to see the spy heading towards the Outer Rim, when she had paid so much to escape from it, the part of her brain directed by her emotions, had shouted for vengeance and had not worried about it.
At first.
That same pride had led her not to contact the Resistance to ask for help in apprehending her. She had wanted to handle her alone. By the time she saw the trap closing in on her, it was too late, her communications had been hijacked, and her ship harpooned. The huge doors of the space station hangar were getting closer and closer. Zorii crawled out of her seat in a state of shock. She couldn't think straight. It would have been futile to try to escape, her ship didn't have enough power to pull itself out of the gravitational field that attracted her, she hadn't defended herself either, being the only pilot on board.
Poe's face suddenly appeared in her thoughts. She visualized him as clearly as if he had been in front of her, his smile and the funny looks he made when he tried to make her laugh. His eyes were sometimes mischievous, sometimes annoyed, but his gaze was always warm when he laid it on her.
Now hidden behind one of the walls of a smuggling rack, she was biding her time. They would find her soon enough. Who these "they" were, she had no idea, but there was a good chance that the spy had taken refuge to the person who had hired her services. This information would be of little use to her now, since her messages had never reached Ohma D'un's base.
A tremor indicated that her ship had just landed. She tensed and blocked her breathing as sounds of struck metal were heard. The door was forced open, and through a narrow gap in her hiding place she could see several figures entering her ship. With difficulty she held back the grunt of rage that threatened to escape when she saw the spy climb up after a man. He was ridiculously small, yet everyone stepped aside to let him pass, a respectful look on their faces. The intruders' outfits gave her no information as to their identity. She'd been trapped as soon as she got out of light speed, so Zorii hadn't taken the time to linger on the planet she'd arrived in front of. One of the largest and most populated in the area, Lianna was controlled by numerous clans and powerful industrial families, who exercised control in every corner of the galaxy. A fact that didn't exactly reassure her.
The little chief of the gang issued a few orders and armed men and women rushed to search the ship. He then turned to the waiting spy, who was nervous, and he shouted at her sharply. Zorii had heard that voice somewhere before. A high-pitched voice, extremely unpleasant. She was suddenly struck by a memory.
A room in an abandoned ship at the depths of a jungle, Solo wounded in bed, the Jedi throwing herself in front of him to protect him, and that little man who had asked for his execution. A General, Codex something.
Zorii couldn't believe it. This former ally, which Poe had lamented the defection of, had turned against them. She reached out her ear and managed to glean a few words from their conversation.
"Be careful, she's clever."
"You've got a lot of nerve bringing her here."
"It was too late by the time I spotted her bug. Besides, you promised to protect me."
"Still as insolent as ever, I see. You're lucky, our ally was willing to make you disappear after your mistake on Ohma D'un."
"I risked my life to drop off that kriffing box at the Jedi's and you're telling me that son of a..."
"Silence!"
He lowered his voice and looked around.
"His men are everywhere. He..."
Zorii didn't hear the rest. But she saw the spy's face turn white, until it became as pale as the smooth durasteel walls of the ship. The General sighed and took a few steps as he turned around.
"What will you do with her?" The woman asked him.
"Why do you care?"
She shrugged, and he replied pensively.
"I don't know yet. Although... I'm starting to think she might be of use to us."
Zorii swallowed nervously. Whatever that man had in mind just now, didn't bode well for her.
"What's that mean?"
"None of your concern, but I hope it will make up for your mistake in bringing the Resistance to our doorstep."
"You think she had time to transmit your coordinates? I thought you had a failsafe jammer?"
"Pray it is. For your sake. Or I'll make you disappear."
Zorii breathed slowly. She was stupid indeed. She didn't make a move, still hiding behind her wall, knowing she wouldn't be safe here for long. A pair of eyes suddenly appeared in front of the gap where she was peeping from.
Shit.
/
/
Ohma D'un.
In the darkness of a small room, a man was fidgeting in his bed. Tangled in the blankets, he was shaking and convulsing in torment. He cried out in pain as he turned around for the umpteenth time.
Ben's nightmares were back. His old friends, the sources of his voices, and the tyrants of his thoughts, had not ceased to overwhelm him since the announcement of the new Supreme Leader election.
He was now sitting on a throne. A huge throne of polished black stone. From where he was sitting, he could see a large room with bright red walls and floors. He was not alone. Many people stood before him. To his left he could see, with his back straight and gauging the assembly out of his evil gaze, Hux. On his right was Phasma, just as rigid and malevolent as the right arm of the Supreme Leader. He was happy to have them at his side. At least that's what he thought. He couldn't figure out how he felt about his two subordinates.
A soldier in white armor told him that they had just arrived.
Good. This time there was no doubt in his mind as to how he felt. He was overjoyed. His enemies were being brought to him, and he was going to get rid of them once and for all. Other soldiers brought a group of people and threw them at his feet. He rose from his throne to overhang them with all his height.
He had succeeded. There they were, those who had dared to challenge him, the Supreme Leader. Tonight it was finally over, they were going to die. Lined up side by side in front of him, the soldiers brought them to their knees. The place they deserved to occupy.
First, there was a young blonde woman, she wore a hairstyle that was familiar to him. A buried memory from his childhood. Another woman stood next to her. Small, very small, with black hair, a cheeky and angry look, surely a mechanic at the sight of her outfit. He laughed softly when he saw Dameron. He hadn't forgotten their last meeting, he had unfinished business with this prisoner who had escaped. And of course at his side was the traitor. FN-2187.
He saw Phasma rise up as she recognized the biggest mistake of her career. She, too, was waiting for her revenge.
Finally, the last two prisoners were also women. Two women who caused spasms in his belly. His mother. And the scavenger from Jakku. The first one was resigned, while the other stared at him with her fiery gaze. He felt himself trembling under the intensity. His saber seemed to call him to his belt, he could not wait any longer, he needed to let go of all his fury. Yet he urged Phasma to do it. The prisoners tensed up when the captain launched her orders.
"On my command."
He was gloating. It would all be over soon. Nothing could stop it. Except him of course. But why should he? It's what he had always wanted. Wasn't it? He looked away from the scavenger. He still had time to stop it. Maybe he had to stop it. Yes he should stop it. He didn't want her to die. Not her. Or his mother. He turned to Phasma.
"Sir?" She questioned him.
From the strange chromium material in her armour appeared a masked silhouette. Kylo Ren gazed at him, threatening.
No! He was not Kylo Ren!
Ben felt suffocated, he didn't wanted this!
"Supreme Leader?"
Hux had stepped forward and was now looking at him suspiciously. Why did that idiot call him that? He wasn't Supreme Leader anymore, he didn't want that life anymore. He had to stop everything, he didn't want to kill them. Not anymore. He suddenly turned to Rey. Together they would do it, they would stop what was about to happen. They had always managed everything together.
The Stormtroopers had kept their weapons pointed at the prisoners.
But Rey wasn't looking at him anymore. She had lowered her head and was looking at her knees. She seemed resigned too. Waiting for her death, she had stopped believing in him. His mother did the same. The two women he cared about most had abandoned him. No. He had betrayed them.
The other prisoners began to shout, expressing their anger and disappointment. He had betrayed them all.
"We were starting to trust you!"
"You'll always be a murderer!"
Ben looked for his saber under his belt, wanting to stop all this, wanting to save them, but it was empty. He had to do something, they had to understand that he never wanted that. He felt a weight against his back. He didn't have to turn around to guess Hux and the blaster he was pressing against his kidneys.
"Long live the Supreme Leader," the General whispered to him.
He fired.
Ben woke up screaming. He could feel the burn on his flesh. There was blood all around him, on his hands, on his sheets. But it couldn't be. Hux was dead, he wasn't Supreme Leader. It was over.
He couldn't breathe, he couldn't understand where he was. He tried to get up, but the blankets tangled around his body, hindered him and he fell to the ground.
Ben stayed like this, curled up on himself, trying to erase the images he had just seen, trying to forget his fears.
In vain.
The strong winds that blew on Ohma D'un these last few days seemed to have pushed the sash of his window, which he always left open, plunging his room into darkness. He was in the dark, alone.
But he didn't stay that way for long.
Kylo Ren appeared, prowling around him, always quick to overwhelm him. Ben raised his head, and saw himself again a few minutes earlier in his dream. The mask so hated was staring at him severely. He could no longer face the nightmarish vision of his former identity. It hadn't been seen for weeks, since he and Rey had fought over the Emperor's saber, if he thought about it. But to see him at that moment provoked a whole new wave of shame and fear, which Ren hastened to feed on.
So weak. You need me, Ben. You must escape.
No! He wouldn't. He was where he was meant to be. Where his mother had fought. Where Rey was. Thinking of the young woman made him open his eyes.
Rey! He called her, in agony.
She was already there, caressing his hair, holding him close to her. For how long he wasn't sure, he had not even felt the bond open.
It's all right, I'm here. You're not alone, Ben. It was just a nightmare.
He watched her remove one of the sleeves of cloth she was still wrapping around her arms. A useless habit since she was no longer living under Jakku's hot suns, but one she kept. She took her makeshift handkerchief and patted him on his forehead. Ben was surprised to see the material soaked in blood. So that's where the one that stained his sheets came from. In his dreamlike torment, he must have hurt himself.
She continued to whisper sweet words to him that he didn't really understand, but soon his breathing became controlled. She pulled him against her and they lay down on the floor. Ben turned to face her and buried his face in her neck, his lips resting on her throat, allowing him to feel her heartbeat. He wrapped his arms around her waist, finally seeming to understand the same gesture Rey always made when she needed to be comforted. Her scent was everywhere, soothing him as he smelled her skin.
She never stopped stroking his hair and reassuring him. Then Ben, calmed by her gesture and her presence, fell asleep again.
/
/
Later that day.
Rey was discreetly eyeing Ben.
The two of them stood apart, sitting on a low stone wall, while they watched the groups of resistance fighters perfectly aligned in front of the entrance to the main hangar. The base was in turmoil that morning.
The first troops of stormtroopers sent by Malastare were about to arrive. Troops was a big word, since they were in fact only officers. The soldiers had agreed to lay down their weapons, surrender and participate in a demilitarization program that the Resistance had begun to put in place. Faced with these mutineers and defections, their superiors had found themselves powerless and were forced to stop fighting as well. Nevertheless, they remained faithful to the First Order, and several of them had died trying to escape, taking with them some Resistants.
Rey couldn't help but think that the project seemed utopian and unrealistic even before it started. But she gave all her confidence and support to her friends who had worked so hard to come up with such a plan. If she herself had not really understood how they were going to proceed with these soldiers refusing to abandon their convictions, they would be incarcerated for the time being in the cells of the newly rebuilt prison. She and Ben had been relieved that the issue of him going back there himself had not been addressed. Neither of them would have been able to bear it. Rey knew that she would have probably destroyed the prison again, maybe even the Great Hall if someone had tried to lock Ben up again.
A gust of fresh wind blew through them and Rey moved closer to Ben, seeking some warmth. He tightened his grip on her waist but still seemed lost in his thought. He had been pretty quiet the last few days. It wasn't hard for her to figure out what was bothering him, since she witnessed his nightmares every night. In a way, the news of the new Supreme Leader had shaken him more than he was willing to admit. She could see that in his outstretched shoulders, or in the contracture in his jaw, which never really relaxed — except when she leaned over and kissed him. She would have done it right now, but the presence of half of the Resistance stopped her in her tracks.
She knew that no one approved or tolerated their relationship. She was just waiting for someone to make a direct remark to her, rather than whispering in their path whenever her and Ben even dared to hold hands in public. Was it his insolence that rubbed off on her? Probably. But she was finding it harder and harder to cope with the way Ben was being treated.
Poe, Connix, and Finn were the last to arrive on the field. The trio leading the Resistance were talking in a low voice as they reviewed their troops. Rey, who always had a tendency to get bored quickly, was caressing the few scars on Ben's forearms in a distracted gesture, when at last the typical sound of incoming ships was heard.
Three shuttles landed in front of the hangars before the emissaries of Malastare came out. Finn rushed to greet the representatives of the Doge and the Gran Council, while the latter looked interestedly at the base. And finally the soldiers were evacuated.
Handcuffed, in single line, there were about fifty of them. Still dressed in their stormtrooper armor, they had had their helmets removed however.
A great humiliation for them, Ben told her.
The first in the row, the most highly ranked one, walked up to Poe and Finn, and introduced himself. From where they were, Ben and Rey couldn't hear what they were saying to each other, but neither of them moved out of their seats.
Ben? Are you all right? She asked him, safe in their bond, as she watched him grow more and more tense.
No, was his only answer.
She intertwined her fingers with his, and together they watched the prisoners move forward, a dark look on their uncovered faces. When they got to their level, Rey could feel Ben's hand crushing her own. She could barely grasp all the emotions that were swirling around in his mind right now. Scared? No, definitely not. Shame and disappointment no doubt. She tried to soothe him as best she could, but he seemed to be impervious to her attempts.
The Stormtroopers finally seemed to notice him, and many murmurs rose in the ranks. Rey froze as well, ready to defend him if any of them tried anything against their former leader. But to her surprise, their commander stopped and bowed his head. Then he put one knee in the ground and brought his fists handcuffed to his chest. The whole company behind him imitated him, and together they shouted in a loud voice:
"Supreme Leader!"
This time Ben had let go of her hand, came down from the wall where they sat, and overhung them. He said nothing, but nodded his head to greet them.
They had recognized him. These soldiers loyal to the First Order had never stopped obeying him. All around them, the Resistance, and especially Finn, were shocked. Poe, on the other hand, was watching Ben attentively, as if he was up to something.
The stormtroopers hadn't moved yet, but Ben's discomfort had grown worse. He seemed ready to say something, but instead she saw him waving his hand.
A gesture of the Force later, and the commander was on his feet at once. He seemed surprised, not understanding what had happened to him, while his men followed him and were about to go on their way. The scene had lasted only a few moments, but already the damage had been done. Stormtroopers and resistance fighters alike kept turning around to stare at Ben. If the former seemed confused, the latter were now looking at him full of hatred. After all the work they had done to make sure Ben was no longer seen as their enemy, they had come back to where they started months earlier, when he was unanimously hated.
The presence of new prisoners at least allowed Ben not to be constantly watched, and no one seemed to notice that he and Rey were left alone in front of the hangar.
His dark eyes pointed at a small stone in front of his foot, and he seemed to want to pulverize it with his eyes. Rey would have liked to do something, to help him like he was helping her. But while Ben always seemed to find the right words to soothe her, and knew exactly how to silence the darkness inside her, Rey, on the other hand, felt useless. Since the news of the replacement of the leadership of the First Order, she had seen him gradually withdraw into himself, just as she had done when the voices of her grandfather had tormented her. He had started having terrible nightmares again, and not a night had gone by without her finding him panicked and out of breath. Each time she had held him close to her, stroking his hair or gently kissing his temples, but she didn't feel like she was helping him in any way.
Whatever this event that had just happened, Rey knew it would cause a new wave of discomfort for him and she couldn't bear it. She took his hand and led him down one of the many paths around the city.
"Ben?" She called him softly.
That she spoke aloud instead of talking to him in the bond surprised him, and he stopped to face her.
"Are you happy?"
"What?"
"A while ago, you told me you stayed here for me. So I'm asking you, are you happy, Ben? Do you really want to be here?"
Rey backed away from the annoyed look on his face in response to her questions.
"Why would you say that? Why do you think I'm not exactly where I want to be?"
"Well, I can think of several reasons. The most obvious is that you've been Supreme Leader! You lived in luxury, you were raised by a princess, by heroes, and now you're a prisoner, you're... You're with me..."
"Yes. With you," he sighed as he ran a hand through his long hair.
"Rey, do you really think I grew up in a palace, and they let me do whatever I wanted? Believe me, life would have been much simpler that way. My mother may have been a princess, but she never used her title and her birthright, and I never had the vocation to do that either."
"As for the First Order, do you really think I regret no longer being their Supreme Leader? Did you see what just happened? I could still find many legions loyal to me, and try to re-form it if I wanted to."
"But you don't want to," whispered Rey.
"No, I don't. I'm exactly where I want to be."
He put a finger under her chin and lifted her head with light pressure so that their eyes crossed. Ben bent down and kissed her softly.
"With you," he whispered against her lips.
Somewhat reassured, she jumped into his arms and clung desperately to his neck. He caught her easily. As she clutched his waist with her legs, Ben's thoughts finally took a happier path. He began to tell her how much he liked her to cling to him like that, and she gave him back her fear that he would go away, that he would leave her, that he would be unhappy. So he tried to reassure her in the most wonderful way, between two kisses, telling her that he would not leave her. Ben would never tire of reassuring her like that.
/
/
General Dameron's office.
A few hours after the departure of the Malastare delegates, and once the prisoners had been installed in their cells, Poe had taken Finn with him. The General seemed very excited, a feeling which he himself did not share at all.
He was still shocked by what had happened a little earlier. No less than fifty officers of the First Order were now in the Resistance's prison. They had been surprisingly docile — given their background — allowing themselves to be led and incarcerated without difficulty, but Finn doubted that they would remain so for long.
The agreements between the Resistance and their new allies were still being finalized and would only be officially adopted in a few days, during a major ceremony on Naboo. The fate of these prisoners and the treatment they would receive would therefore depend entirely on the outcome of this event. Finn had already met with Jannah and the former stormtroopers of Kef Bir to discuss the actions they would have to take. These high-ranking officers would now have to renounce their beliefs, accept that their career in the First Order was over, it was their only chance to survive, but would they be ready to take it?
Previously full of hope, the co-general was now discouraged by the amount of work that still awaited them. What if the Governors had been right after all?
What if their plan was doomed to failure? He had not imagined that he would condition or manipulate them too, but all his hopes and desires to show them another way, to offer them the choice he had previously given himself, had been crushed by Ben Solo.
The ordinary soldiers could not be held completely responsible for their actions; they had, after all, been conscripted and kidnapped at a young age. But these officers, these men and women who had risen through the ranks and contributed to the crimes and dictatorial oppression of the First Order, should they be tried? Or as their former Supreme Leader, to whom they still seemed loyal, should they be trusted without any guarantees? Of course not. They would hasten to follow the other legions that had joined the new leader, General Engell.
With his forehead resting against one of the huge office window, Finn stared at one of the fountains in the main square. He saw Rey and Ben walking quietly, holding hands, seemingly undisturbed by their surroundings. His friend wasn't even looking ahead of her as she walked, her whole being was focused on the man at her side. Although from a distance, he could still notice the huge smile that stretched her lips. Rey seemed very happy. This sight ended up annoying him, and he turned back to Poe who was talking.
"Are you listening to me?" Poe asked him irritated.
"No, sorry."
He leaned against a seat and turned his attention to his friend.
"Go on."
"Did you see what happened earlier?"
Finn growled and shook his head.
"I'm trying to forget... And to think we offered them..."
"Finn, you don't understand, they stayed loyal to him!"
"Yes, and that's the problem! They don't think as individuals... they're still into uniformity, into the..."
He lost himself in his memories and the mantras of the trainings which he still remembered perfectly, even years later. Poe brought him back to himself with a little bump on the shoulder.
"Hey, you all right?"
"Not really. I'm so disappointed."
"My idea will cheer you up! I've been thinking about it, and I figured out how we're going to get all the stormtroopers back without violence, before they join the new Supreme Leader. With him. Ben!"
Finn remained silent for a long time as he tried to understand his friend's words.
"You... you're kidding, right?"
"Those who refuse to submit, those who still want to fight, they will fight for the authority of the First Order, and it's not her, it's him!"
"So... this is your bright idea? You want to give Ben Solo an army? Let him re-form another First Order and cause our downfall? Have you gone mad, Poe?"
"Of course not! I'm not talking about giving him control. I'm asking him to rally them to our cause."
"But he's not part of the Resistance! He's only here for Rey! If she decided overnight to turn her back on us and form a ..."
He searched for his words, Poe's suggestion had confused him and stirred his anger.
"An Empire, for example! He'd be the first lackey to hold her train!"
Poe frowned at his remark.
"You're really going to have to cool it with her. It's been going on too long and it's not like you at all. Just think about it for a second. If that General rallies all the legions, we'll be back in another war, and maybe lose it, is that what you want?"
"Of course not," Finn replied indignantly. "But it's a bad idea."
"I think it's the best I've had in a long time. We finally have a chance to complete our peace project, to avoid executions, that's what we wanted!"
"Not me... not like this... Besides, do you really think he's going to accept it?"
/
/
After their heated discussion, Finn had slammed the office door, ignoring Poe's calls, and walked away from the Great Hall as quickly as possible.
The suns that had been setting for some time had finally given way to the stars to shine. But the co-general had no heart to admire this beautiful view. Wandering around the city for a while, he had finally returned to the center and sat down on one of the fountains, in the same place where Ben and Rey had stood earlier. He took his head in his hands and sighed. His friends were right, he was losing it. His anger was only getting worse every day.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps to his left. He raised his head and his heart leapt into his chest when he saw Jannah coming. She smiled at him and this time it missed several beats before he blushed and made a small gesture with his hand. She sat down next to him and offered a sip from a large steaming cup of caff. He refused, smiling tenderly. She was the only person to his knowledge who liked this beverage that much, enjoying it at any time of the day. But very quickly her smile faded away, and his trouble must have been visible on his face, for she detailed him with a worried look. She put her hand on his, and the soft warmth her cup had produced relaxed him.
"What happened?" she asked.
Her eyes were filled with compassion. Usually, Finn was always amazed at how they showed so much emotion when they stared at him, yet tonight they almost scared him. He couldn't resist their silent pleading much longer, and he began to speak. For a long time. She listened without saying anything, without shaking her head, without cutting him off, but not once did she take her eyes off him.
"I just can't believe he did this to me. How could he think for one moment that I would agree?"
The cool night wind howled through the stone arches, freezing all his limbs, and he shivered with cold and fatigue. Jannah handed him her cup again, and he finally accepted it gratefully.
"I think it's a good idea."
Finn choked and spat out a long sip of the burning liquid before looking at her with astonished eyes.
No. Not her too.
He put the cup next to him, then took a slow breath. He couldn't hide the offended tone in his voice as he spoke to her.
"How can you...?"
"The news of the rebirth of the First Order has changed things, the Resistance must opt for a new tactic! We need to catch them off guard and take their forces before they do! I think it's a good idea to ask Ben to help us," she repeated. "He was their leader, it will be easier for them."
"We will offer them freedom and a new life after all this, why would they refuse to join us? We don't need him!"
"Finn, they won't all agree and you know that."
She made a vague gesture towards the west.
"It's already happening, look, the prison's full! You know I'm right, you know Poe's right too. Those who won't help us may be willing to follow Ben."
"That's ridiculous and dangerous."
"He's one of us now!"
"I can't believe you're all willing to trust him. Have you already forgotten who he is?"
"Then trust Rey, I guess it's easier for you."
There was a bitterness in her voice that Finn didn't understand, and he chose to ignore it.
"I don't know about that. I'm not sure I can trust her anymore. She's been manipulated, he's kept her in his grip. With the Force no doubt..."
"Kriff, Finn... Listen to yourself"
"...and now he's got Poe..."
"Let me..."
"...you too! I thought it would calm down after the Zorii thing, that you'd all open your eyes, but no!"
"STOP!"
Finn stopped dead in his tracks, shocked by the young woman's scream.
"I can't listen to you complain anymore. You've been brooding and isolating yourself for days, that's enough! I know you're going through a terrible time, you have responsibilities and pressure that I probably don't even know about, but I'm tired of you ignoring everyone. You're not the only one who's worried, you're not the only one with problems!"
"But I don't..."
"No, shut up! What am I to you, Finn? Since the first day you've never stopped taking me on your crusade to save Rey. She is very important to you I know, but I thought we had ... I'm tired of you treating me like this!"
"Jannah..."
"As soon as she does something, you rush to me and complain about it. I've tried to help you, I've tried to advise you, but you don't even listen to me! You are blinded by your anger and prejudice. I am one of the few people who understand how you feel, have you forgotten where I come from too?"
"No, but..."
"I didn't say anything when you two fought, she attacked you, and even if it was an accident you had every right to be upset. But I can't listen to you anymore about how she annoys you all day long. Why don't you go and solve your problems with her like an adult! Then maybe you'll let me back in your life. When was the last time we had a real conversation without mentioning Rey or Ben? You're obsessed with them!"
He did not answer, meditating on her words. He couldn't say that she was wrong and perhaps that was what was hurting him the most. If he had experienced the announcement of the new Supreme Leader badly, he had forgotten that Jannah and the other stormtroopers would be affected by it too. He had been selfish, focusing only on his feelings towards his first friend and the man she spent all her time with. But he couldn't let Jannah think that she didn't matter to him. He was about to explain his point of view to her, when she suddenly resumed.
"Give me a straight answer. What's going on between you and Rey?"
"What ? But I... what?"
Why everyone kept asking him that question, he wondered. Why didn't they want to understand that there was nothing between them? Nothing but a friendship damaged by lies and secrets. And betrayal lately. What did they believe? He'd been questioning himself a lot lately, not understanding where his anger towards Rey was coming from. Could it be that he did indeed feel something? They had always been close, from the first day, a solid and frank complicity had bound them, becoming an indispensable friendship. But more?
No, there had never been anything more between her and him. He only wanted to protect her. They were alike, he and she. Their childhood and their lives had been terrible, a fact that neither Ben Solo nor Poe would ever understand. Children who were loved, wanted, and allowed to have a childhood, could not understand what they had gone through.
So he had tried to prevent any harm from coming to her. Because Ben Solo was going to hurt her sooner or later. He'd done it before. But she couldn't see that anymore. Poe was right, she was completely crazy about him, and if it had been anyone else, Finn would have been thrilled for her. Glad she was finally happy. Because although reluctantly, Finn couldn't help but notice that his dearest friend had never seemed so blooming and happy. But the fact that she was happy when they weren't speaking to each other annoyed him more than he wanted to admit.
"Answer me," started Jannah again as he still hadn't said anything. "What's the real problem with her? You've been avoiding her for days, ever since you found out about her relationship with Ben. I understand you're having a hard time with him, I assure you no one understands it better than I do. But if there's something going on, if you're jealous or... I need to kn..."
"I really don't see the relevance, but there's nothing between me and her," he cut her off. "I love her like a sister, I just want to protect her."
"Good," said Jannah, "so I won't feel guilty doing this."
Then without warning, the young woman leaned towards him. Their mouths met, and Finn, surprised by her gesture, didn't even think to close his eyes. It was the second time a girl had taken him by surprise and kissed him. But if he had been shocked by Rose's move, this time with Jannah he didn't make the same mistake. He took her face in his hands and answered with enthusiasm to her kiss. They hugged each other and she held on to his jacket to keep him close.
Much too quickly to his liking, she put an end to the kiss and neither of them uttered a word. He still held her against him, trembling, this time for reasons other than the cold. She then stepped back and looked at him too seriously for Finn's taste. He had to say something. He had to explain how much she meant to him. He had to tell her that she was the person he felt closest to, that even though his thoughts were often troubled by Rey, the rest of the time they were focused on her. Yet none of those words came out, and he found himself stammering awkwardly.
"Jannah, I..."
"You asked me why we're all willing to trust Ben. I can only give you my opinion. You keep blaming him for only being here for Rey, you don't really think he's on our side, so let me tell you something. What would you do if you found out I did the same thing he did? I joined the resistance for you Finn... because I believed in you, I wanted to fight alongside you. Now I'm convinced of what we're doing, I believe in our goals, but I only did it because of you at first. Will you not respect me now that you know that?"
"Of course not, I could never..."
"Then why is it so hard for you to believe Ben Solo? Why should his reasons be any less laudable than mine?"
'Cause is a kriffing criminal, thought Finn.
"No, don't answer that. I don't want to talk about them anymore. This is about you and me here. Let me ask you another question. What are you going to do now? You have a decision to make, Finn. You can keep brooding and trying to control Rey and her life. or you can move on, give her a chance to make her own mistakes and be happy on your side. With me, if you want."
"I ..."
"I'll wait for you until you make a choice. I know you'll make the right one. You've always done the right thing, Finn."
She slowly disengaged from his arms and walked away without looking back.
Finn stood still, not knowing what to think. He stuck his tongue to his lips several times. They still tasted like Jannah's. An intense joy took hold of him, and the same warmth as the cup she had left behind radiated over his face and his ears.
What just happened? How could something so beautiful be born out of so much trouble, so much anger? The words she'd said to him before she left were playing over and over in his mind. The sorrow caused by her departure, however, was not strong enough to erase the feeling of her lips, her soft skin, the weight of her body huddled against his.
Finn suddenly stood up. She was right, he had been stupid. He had to go back to her. Nothing and no one could have affected his good mood in that moment. Except perhaps the huge, dark figure of Ben Solo coming to meet him.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you," he apologized, but without showing the slightest remorse.
"What do you want? Why isn't anyone watching you?"
That remark, and the way Ben closed his eyes and took a deep breath, eased some of the exasperation that had just been aroused at the sight of the prisoner.
Finn could see that Ben refrained from sending him a sharp remark, or a well-placed punch. He watched him clench his fists several times, roll his eyes, or pinch the bridge of his nose. All of this helped him to cope better with the situation. He knew that he could never do anything against Ben, he was far too powerful, but at that moment and for a long time to come, Finn knew that Ben wouldn't do anything to him either, not as long as Rey was around. And strangely enough, he suspected it was her he'd come to discuss.
"You need to talk to Rey," he told him, confirming his suspicions.
Finn stormed off immediately. If he had not taken Jannah's reproaches well, although they were true, he could not bear a lecture from Ben Solo.
"Whatever is between you two, that's none of your business."
"She needs her friends. Whatever is between me and her shouldn't impact you."
Finn leapt to his feet and began to pull away. Ben followed him at once, his big legs allowing him to stay at his level without difficulty.
"She doesn't need you to fix her problems on her behalf, who do you think you are for kriff's sake?"
Ben looked at him with a raised eyebrow, a cheeky smile on his asymmetrical face. What could Rey see in him, he wondered. As if he'd heard his thoughts, Ben lost his smile and looked determined instead. He stopped and got left behind. Finn, relieved to be rid of him, continued without turning around.
"Finn!" Called Ben. "I wish you'd let me train you."
What? What did he say?
"You want to... What?"
"You're Force Sensitive, aren't you?"