Chapter eighteen

Peace, for a change

Anna woke up in her own bed once again. The familiar aches set in almost instantly.

Once again, she set about her slow routine of recovery, with the difference that most of her actions had to be performed one-armed this time. Elsa had provided her with some strange medicine to dull the pain in her arm, and it seemed to also have some effect on her other pains. She had been sorely tempted to study the medicine instead of taking it, but for once, her curiosity was outweighed by her common sense.

She hadn't gotten much sleep today. In between her pains, excitement, and imagination about the future, she'd spent most of the day awake. With some irony, she realized that being awake during the day and sleeping at night, as she had just done, now felt unnatural. Her body wanted more time to rest, but her mind couldn't sit still.

Shortly after she had finished dressing, she heard a knock on her door. She dashed to it.

Elsa stood in the doorway. Her posture was rigid, but decidedly not haughty, and her arms hung at her sides, as if she didn't know what to do with them. The look on her face could only be described as anticipatory.

"Hello, Anna," she said stiffly. "I hope you had a good day's sleep."

"Elsa!" Anna said with a broad smile on her face. "My day was quite restful, yes. How about yours?"

"It was…just fine. Thank you."

Anna's instinct told her to go in for a hug, but she chose to hold back and analyze Elsa's body language to determine if it would even be okay to do so. From Elsa, though, she received nothing but mixed signals. She seemed very conscious of the warmth now radiating from Anna, and how it contrasted with her own awkward rigidity.

Elsa cleared her throat. "In any case," she said, "I believe it would be wise to hold off on both lessons and combat today, in light of the tumultuous events of yesterday. Perhaps something more subdued would be desirable."

"That sounds good to me," Anna said. "So what did you have in mind?"

"A walk, perhaps," Elsa said. "Down a more peaceful hall than usual."

"I'd like that," Anna said. She emerged from her room. "All right, lead the way."

"Not so fast," Elsa said. She extended her right hand, so mechanically that it appeared she had calculated the exact angle for it. "I am concerned about your balance."

Anna tilted her head. "Beg pardon?"

"With your arm broken, you may not be able to maintain your balance as easily as you once did," Elsa said. "Even as trivial a task as walking may prove difficult without assistance. Therefore, for your own safety, I strongly recommend-"

Anna smiled as she realized Elsa's intent. She reached out and took her hand, silencing her immediately. "Good idea," she said, grinning slyly.

"Y-yes, thank you," Elsa said. "Now, let us be off."

They began to stroll away, hand in hand. Anna was strolling, at least; Elsa's movements were once again mechanical. She wasn't uncomfortable with the situation – her face had softened considerably as soon as Anna had taken her hand – but she seemed very, very unsure of how to conduct herself.

They climbed several floors up, with Elsa waving open locked doors in their path. Soon they were in a section of the castle Anna had never seen before, above the rectory. This section seemed to be modeled after ancient Greek architecture, with ionic columns and full-body statues lining the hall. Anna marveled at the sights, which gave Elsa some much needed time to try and compose herself.

"I'm sure you are aware," she began, "but things cannot go as they have before. Last night's events have changed a great deal between us."

Anna looked up at her. "I'll say," she said with a smile.

"There will be ample time in the coming days to redress the balance of things between us," Elsa continued. "I wish to dine with you more often, for one thing."

"I'd like that, too," Anna said.

"It shall be done, then," Elsa said. "More walks in close proximity, as we are doing right now, seem appropriate as well. Any escalation of relations should be gradual, and approved by the both of us beforehand."

She went on, rattling off items as if marking off a shopping list. Finally, she turned to Anna. "Does all of this make sense to you?"

"It does," Anna said. She thought about what she wanted to say, and how best to phrase it.

"I would advise against jumping straight to carnal relations, as we both have other methods of relieving such desires," Elsa said.

Anna looked at her funnily.

"Is something the matter?" Elsa asked. "Do you disagree?"

"I don't," Anna said. "But…I have a question to ask."

"Yes, of course, that is only natural," Elsa said. "What is your question?"

"Have you…" She backpedaled from this line, then held silent for a moment. "Was there…" She retreated from that one, too. Finally, she settled on a choice of wording. "How long has it been since you have done this before?"

She half expected Elsa to simply state a number of years, then resume her list. The other half of her expected her to freeze entirely. Neither came to pass. Instead, Elsa relaxed her shoulders, pinched the bridge of her nose, and chuckled.

"I expected it would not take long for you to ask me that," she said. "You're perceptive as ever. You've phrased it more gently than I would've, for certain. You are quite generous with your stated presupposition. Overly generous, in point of fact."

"Presupposition," Anna repeated quietly, pondering what she could've meant by it. Then she looked at Elsa, eyes wide. "Do you mean to tell me, even after all this time-"

"What I mean to tell you is irrelevant," Elsa said. "I can see your deduction skills have already told you the truth of the matter."

She looked embarrassed, but not nearly as embarrassed as Anna would've been to divulge such information. Again, she struggled to find the right words.

"…Not once?" she finally settled on.

"I live a solitary life, Anna," she said. "A very solitary life."

"Yes, but still, there wasn't anyone…" Anna shook herself. "Well, it doesn't matter."

"Oh, I assure you it does," Elsa said. "I've played the role of teacher for you this far, but on this subject I have never been anything more than an observer. When you told me there were some things I needed to take lessons on…it seems you didn't know how right you were."

"That's quite all right," Anna insisted. "I'll help you."

Elsa stopped walking. She turned her gently until they were facing each other. "Anna, I don't think you fully grasp what I'm saying," she said, vulnerability creeping into her voice. "I truly have no idea what I am doing. It's dangerous for a vampire to not know what they're doing. Look at how much I've already hurt you." She gestured at Anna's cast. "I can't promise something line that won't happen again. The fact of the matter is, I can't promise much of anything. I want to make this work, but I cannot guarantee that things won't end in disaster. Can you accept that risk?"

Anna remained rock steady. She lovingly caressed Elsa's worried face. "Of course I can," she said. "Risks are part of my trade. Only by knowing which ones to take can any meaningful change be made. This is worth it."

"How can you be certain?" Elsa asked.

"I can't," Anna said. "But it's been worth it so far."

She stood on tiptoe and leaned in close. Elsa, for all her inexperience, picked up on the cue.