The air chilled in the coming weeks of fall. The leaves changed from vivid greens to oranges, yellows, and browns. The ground was littered with the dead carcasses of them while others clung to the branches for life. The pines were still a deep green that brought color while the sky faded to grey.
Extra hay was added to the barn, heaters hung over the stalls, and feed bins filled to the brim in preparation of a hard winter. The air stung Rob's face as he mucked out the stalls. The smell of manure was masked with the buckets of cinnamon, pumpkin, and spices Roland put together for the town.
Rob was now a permanent fixture and welcomed by his neighbors. Roland's favorite place to spend was at the local diner. His favorite treat was the blueberry scones. When it was still hot, it was ice cream with chocolate. Fall was edging into his view and he was hoping to see Roland soon.
Inside the house, Rob walked into the den and picked up the framed picture of Roland and his cabin. After returning to school, he got first prize in the summer project contest. Rob smiled at the grin on his son's face. He missed him. God, he missed him.
Regina and he agreed that he'd return to school in the city until they could figure out what to do. In the few weeks since Roland left, he worked. He was supposed to be following through on his promise to Regina, but he couldn't gather the courage.
He glanced down at the flash drive that sat on his desk taunting him. Swallowing, he looked away from it and pulled up his finance report. He returned to work and drove to the ranch every day. He found he loved spending his days working with his father. While he spent his nights in his home alone.
The house was growing on him. The space, the smells, the work. The land held promise. A future he didn't once see but now dreamed of. A future where Regina was by his side, Roland growing up with both parents for support. Another child maybe, if she was willing.
Shaking his head, he chided himself. It was useless to believe in dreams when he couldn't face whatever was on that drive. Just last night he'd argued with Regina over it. She begged him to watch it and allow her to stop thinking the worst.
Scrubbing his face with his hands, his shoulders were tight. "God, I'm going to regret this." He pulled the drive cover off and inserted it into his tower. The file came up and there was a single video file. He stood staring at the screen for along time. Click it, his conscious told him.
Shoving from his chair, he escaped holding in the fear and unease. Downstairs, he made himself a cup of coffee and stood in the kitchen waiting while the pot brewed. The flowers on his porch were starting to turn colors, some slinking down in protection from the cold.
As he drank his coffee, his mind kept focusing on what he would see when he went back upstairs. Could he do that? Could he watch it? Busying himself, he put a load of laundry in, washed dishes, and spent time tidying Roland's room. He folded laundry, cooked and ate dinner, and avoided his curiosity.
Until he was faced with the day over, nothing to do, and a video file still taunting him on his computer screen. Sitting down on the chair, he took a deep breath and clicked. He was sucked into the video when he saw Regina sitting at a vanity with her laptop on her lap, Jaden sat on the edge of the bed.
Regina typed the words Jaden spoke to a client. Word for word, she typed until she sent him the message for him to sign. "The Erin Dudley legal team is requesting a meeting, Jose wants to follow up on his deposition, and Laura Abbott asked you to call her back." Her neck moved back and forth to ease an ache.
Jaden nodded, "Fine. Now put the laptop away."
Nervously, she did as she was told. Her laptop was put into her bag and zipped up. Checking her phone for e-mails, she didn't notice Jaden standing and walking toward her. When he took the phone from her hands, her hand snapped up, "Hey." Shooting to her feet, she reached out. "Give it back."
Jaden slid her phone into his pocket. "I said that was enough work."
Crossing her arms, she said, "I'm here for work."
"No," he took her hand, "You're not."
"Jaden…" He led her to the bed and sat next to her after nudging her down. "I have to get home soon."
"I thought you had Maggie you'd be late." He brushed her hair behind her shoulders and toyed with the diamond at her ear.
"I don't want to take advantage," she said leaning away from his touch. "Stop that."
"Why?" He leaned in and pressed his lips under her ear. "I like touching you."
"I told you I didn't want to do this anymore," she whispered desperately.
"I know," he sat back. "I have a surprise for you."
Frowning, she looked down as he circled her wrist with his hand. "What?"
"Stand up," he instructed. Taking a piece of black cloth from his pocket, he instructed her to turn around. When it was secured over her eyes, he kissed her forehead. "I won't be told what to do, Regina. Not by a woman. Not by anyone," his voice turned hard.
Regina shivered as she was led blindly. The back of her knees hit the bed and her back hit the soft blankets when he pushed her forward. "Jaden." She tried to sit up, but his hands were there holding her shoulders down. "Let me go."
"Relax," he said taking her hand. She felt something hard and cold enclose her wrist to the point of biting into her skin. Pulling her arm, an ache shot through her arm. She whimpered when she felt her other wrist lock into place. "There now. Don't you look lovely."
"Jaden stop this. Please," she begged almost in tears. She felt his hands molding her torso, her hips, down her legs, until she removed her heels one foot at a time. "I'm not in the mood," she said trying to get out of this.
"You're always in the mood," he said mildly. "At least you were until you asked for us to stop. Tell me," he said unzipping her skirt, "Were you serious?" Her skirt slid down her hips and off. His fingers unbuttoned her blouse and she felt the chill of the ceiling fan.
"Yes, this isn't right."
His fingers hooked into her tights and dragged them down swiftly, "If that's what you want," he deceptively quiet.
"No," she said as he gripped the last of the fabric and ripped it from her body. Then her ankles were locked in and she was completely trapped.
"Shh, I'll be right back." He kissed her but she moved her face aside to avoid it and his lips brushed her chin. "Wench."
Regina wasn't sure how long she lay there revealed and humiliated before she heard footsteps and voices. Then Jaden said, "Here she is. She's all yours."
Panic shot through her when she heard a familiar voice, "Fuck, Jay. She's hotter in person." The same man she worked with daily was objectifying her. Tears began to fall down her cheeks. Then she felt the cloth being pulled from her eyes and her eyes adjusted to the lights. A camera sat in the corner of the room with a red light on.
Jaden was sitting on the bed above her head, "Ready, beautiful? If you don't want me, maybe you'll want him."
Jerry unbuckled his belt and unzipped, she almost choked on a sob. "Don't do this, Jaden. Please."
He leaned over and took her mouth effectively silencing her. "I'm gonna make a lot of money off you. Do as you're told. Go ahead, Jerry. She's yours." Jaden reached across her and ran his fingers along her sex. Regina thrust her hips up to buck and getaway, but Jaden's hands roughly held her down and whispered, "It could be a lot worse for you."
Closing her eyes, tears slid down her cheek when Jerry stepped forward and filled her. She pretended she wasn't in the room. Her eyes were black and dead, she wasn't here. She wasn't in the room. Images of deep water, blue and white lights slicing through the water. When Jerry stepped away, she stayed in place.
Jaden unlocked her and still, she didn't move. Her body was cold, her mind blank, and her ears barely registered when Jaden told her his wife would be home any minute. The camera was removed, the men walked out of the room, and she curled into a ball and wept.
Rob stared at the screen long after the screen went blank. Tears were in his eyes, anger in his heart, and pain surrounded him. His stomach hitched and he shot into the bathroom in time to empty his stomach. Then, he was up, and his fists were slamming into the door over and over until there was nothing but broken wood and shards.
He didn't care that he had deep splinters in his hand or that blood ran and dropped on the floor. The anger he felt was taken out until the door hung on the hinges in tatters. He raged and he sobbed for the woman he loved.
Then the self-disgust came and swallowed him.
…
Regina sat in her car in the pick-up line waiting for the school bell to ring. Cars lined the lot while kids filed outside in lines. Roland opened the door and smiled, "Hi, mom. When do we get to go see dad?" He buckled his seat and waited as they slowly made it onto the street.
"Soon, buddy. I haven't talked to him yet," she said pulling into the flow of traffic.
"You said we could go when I got out on break," he complained.
Glancing in the rearview mirror, she said, "I didn't mean the second you get out of school. You have all week, Ro."
"Fine. Can I call him when we get to Maggie's?"
"Yes, you can."
They stopped to get hot cocoa, picked up supplies for Halloween, and a new set of skeleton pajamas. When they pulled up in front of the house, Regina frowned. Rob's truck sat on the curb.
"Dad's here!" Roland opened the door before she could put the car in park and ran inside.
To scold him, she followed him inside, "Roland Jacob Mills!" Her voice rang through the house. Rob sat in the kitchen with Maggie. Their heads came up as Roland turned around with his cheeks turning pink. "What were you thinking jumping out of a moving car?"
Rob frowned and looked down as Roland's face moved up, "I'm sorry. I just…"
"I know you were excited to see your dad here. That doesn't give you the excuse to be unsafe. Go to your room," she demanded.
"But mom!" He looked to his dad and back to her.
"Go, now!" She pointed. He stomped off and she turned to Maggie and Rob who stood stunned. "Sorry," she said embarrassed and walked back outside to get the bags.
Maggie came out a minute later with Rob at her back. "Need some help?" Her eyes were full of interest.
"Sure," she said with her hands full of bags. "We picked up stuff for the carnival."
Maggie took bags and said, "I can see that."
Passing Rob, she thanked him for the help, and they all settled in with bags on the floor of the kitchen. Regina took her coat off and began to empty bags.
"I've never seen you raise your voice before," Rob said watching her. The look on his face puzzled her.
"I rarely do but he had to know I was serious. I hadn't even stopped, and he was out the door. Truth be told, my heart jumped in my throat." Pressing a hand to her belly, she felt it still jumping. "I hate yelling at him."
Maggie told her, "David is picking up dinner. I asked Rob to stay."
"Okay," she nodded pulling out candy, plastic spiders, eyeballs, fake blood, and Roland's vampire costume. Smiling, she displayed it, "Looks like it's all teeth and blood this year." Setting it aside, she pulled more decorations out and moved to put them in the hall closet.
"Great. I'll make David be Dracula, I'll be his victim," she laughed.
Rolling her eyes, Regina chuckled, "I can just see that, he'll get a kick out of it."
"What do you say, Rob? Ready to be a vampire? Maybe you can be one of the old ones? You know all regal." She grinned.
"I don't know…" He took the empty bags and balled them up. "I'm a little unprepared for this."
Regina shrugged, "It's your first Halloween. It's easy to make him happy." Her hands were busy pulling out milk, sugar, and setting them on the kitchen island.
"What are you dressing up as?" He asked her, sliding his hands in his pockets. He seemed off but she was too busy putting a pot of coffee on. Turning, she glanced down at his hands. They were bandaged but she could tell he was trying to hide it.
"I'm thinking of dressing as Morticia," she said pulling down cups. "I have a dress sitting in my closet that will work."
Maggie nodded, "Yes. I have black lipstick and I have a long wig you could borrow. I can totally see it."
"Great, that's settled. So, Rob…" She turned toward him. "What brings you here? You didn't call," she pointed out. The pot brewed and she washed her hands in the sink. Slipping off her heels, she set them in the hall and walked back to where he stood awkwardly.
"I um…" He cleared his throat. For the first time since coming home, she looked at him. His eyes were different, his body was different. He avoided her eyes and shifted on his feet. "I wanted to talk," he said with a thick tone.
Her back went up. "You watched it," she whispered. Taking a step back, then another, her stomach twisted. Before she could turn and walk away, Maggie came up behind her and took her shoulders.
"I'll leave you two to talk," she said nudging her forward. Striding out of the room, she left them alone.
They stood in silence for a good two minutes before the coffee pot peeped signaling it was finished brewing. Feeling foolish, she jumped at the sound. Her heart was pounding in her throat as she looked into his eyes. There was a storm of emotions locked inside them.
His green eyes were greyer, his jaw was clenched, and his shoulders were tight. He stood rigidly with his feet planted apart, his hands in his pockets, and eyes direct on hers. She swallowed and felt her breathing sputter out. Feeling the mood to move, she stepped to the pot and poured two cups.
Putting them on the island, she doctored his with the milk he took and the sugar she did. Then, she took a sip to ease her tight throat. One of them had to talk but she wasn't sure she could be the one. Closing her eyes, she set the mug down. Hadn't she begged him to watch it? Now she wished he hadn't.
She felt him behind her and nearly jumped out of her skin when his hand brushed her shoulder. She only felt his fingertips before he withdrew his hand. "I…" His voice cracked. She could feel the pain and the emotion in his voice. "Regina."
Taking a deep breath, she didn't turn. In a quiet voice, she said, "Every time was like the first. I didn't…" She shivered. Gripping the counter tightly, she tried to rein in the tears that clogged her throat. "I know what you thought."
"I hate myself for even thinking what I did," he said gruffly. "I had something entirely different in my mind."
"I know." Her shoulders slumped. "That's why I wanted you to watch the video."
"I didn't want to, Regina. I wish I hadn't," he whispered. This time when his hands came on her shoulders, she didn't jump. Though, she tensed, his hands felt warm. Secure.
"If I didn't think it was necessary, I'd never have given it to you. I can't imagine what you think." Mortification slammed into her and surrounded her. Her body shook with fear as he turned her. When she looked up, her vision was blurry. Tears stained her cheeks without her knowing they'd fallen.
He reached up and framed her face with his hands, his thumbs brushed away the tears. "Please don't cry." Despite his requests, her body shook with the need to burst. He took her into his arms and said, "Let it go, baby." As he held her tightly, she wept.
When she'd calmed, she heard him sniffling and felt his body shudder against hers. He held her so close, she could feel his heart tripping against her chest. "I'm sorry," he said rasping.
"For what?" Her voice was muffled. His shirt was wet with her tears.
"For what you went through, or how I treated you that night after you told me about Roland." His breath caught. "Oh, god. I was rough on you. I hate myself for it."
"No," she pulled back enough to look up at his face. Their cheeks were wet, faces shared the same redness. "That night was the first time in years I felt something during sex."
"I punished you because I was angry and hurt. Now, I feel sick about it. After seeing…"
Her fingers stopped him. "You promised to burn them with me. I think we need to do that. Together. Burn the past," she said.
"You can't just throw all that pain away," he urged. His hands rested around her and pulled her closer. "But I want a chance to help you try."
"Robin…"
"I love you," he said and pressed his lips to hers softly. So soft, it felt like butterfly wings. "Let me be your future."
"I don't know…" Laying her head on his chest, she sighed. "I need some time to think about it. I'm scared."
Drawing her up so she could wrap her arms around his shoulders, he kissed her. Slowly and gently. "We have a lot to process and talk about. But I want a chance, Regina. I've missed out on all these years. I'm not giving up so easily. If you don't love me, tell me now."
He kissed her again. Her lips, her cheek, her nose, her forehead was dusted with his lips. "I can't." He wrapped her close and she allowed herself to be enveloped in his arms.