Author's note:
Ok, so we return to Shego as she suffers through game day with Drakken, Amy and Killigan. I had a hell of a lot of fun writing this chapter, hence why it ended up being so long. Continuing on from chapter 17, the title of this one, The pleasure is to play, is also taken from the lyrics to Motorhead's Ace of spades. Like chapter 13, I've split this one into parts and given them each their own title, one part for each game they play. The parts are titled, Twist and shout, a song by Scottish band Deacon Blue, I shot the sheriff, a song by Eric Clapton and Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash, taken from the lyrics to Pink Floyd's Money.
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Chapter Nineteen: The pleasure is to play
Part one: Twist and Shout
"Heh, heh, heh, heh," the naked-mole-shark laughed as the twister wheel landed on left-hand yellow.
"Dammit, Amy, why is that naked-mole-shark 'o yours only cheatin' when it comes tae ma turn!" Duff Killigan boomed as he twisted his left arm over the top of Shego and under the chest of Dr Drakken.
"I wouldn't keep saying that, Duffy," DNAmy warned, "or he'll start getting vindictive. Because he's a naughty little boy, aren't you, Ru-Ru."
A sly smirk formed on the naked-mole-shark's face and he made a biting motion with his razor-sharp teeth.
The Scotsman's hand then came to rest atop another.
"Don't even think about it, Killigan," Shego grunted the second she felt the man's hand make contact with her skin. She turned on her glow and increased the temperature in her hand; without properly igniting it.
"AH! Ya wee deil (devil)!" Duff yelped and quickly withdrew his hand. " Can ya no move o'er one, Lassie?"
"Sorry, Duffy," she mocked in a sassy tone, "but I don't think that's in the rules, right, Ru-Ru?"
The naked-mole-shark glared at Killigan and shook his head, "ut-uh."
The man's hand slapped the mat a few times as he tried to extend it beyond Shego's and to the next spot. Eventually, after the naked-mole-shark had given him a threatening chomp of encouragement, he managed to plant it firmly on the spot. "Ha, there she goes."
"Well, it's about time," Drakken huffed irritably as Ru-Ru spun his spinner of torment. "I think we should impose a time limit from now on."
Shego, who had seen what the spinner had just landed on, burst out laughing. "Yeah, well, hate to break it to you, Dr D, but you'll be first for the chomp."
"Say what?" the mad scientist then said in confusion.
"It's your turn and you just hit right foot green!"
Drakken's eyes glanced over to the Twister wheel and widened in horror as he let out a loud, sheer gasp, followed by, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!"
Shego laughed again, "don't ask me. You're supposed to be the genius, you figure it out."
"Heh, heh, heh, heh!" Ru-Ru laughed evilly and licked his lips in anticipation of claiming another taste of flesh.
She watched as Drakken struggled to lift his right foot from a red spot, bring it around Killigan towards his own chest and then extend it forward over her head and touch it back down on the mat.
"There," Drakken said, "am I on the spot?"
Shego gave him a smirk, "I'll let Ru-Ru tell you."
Drakken's foot began to flail around, trying to locate a spot that he could not see, as the naked-mole-shark leapt off his perch. "NO… WAIT! I CAN…"
"Time's up, Dr D."
"AHHHH!" One last slap of the mad scientist's foot hitting the mat sounded and his yell ended; the naked-mole-shark having 'guided' it onto the spot. Drakken then shot her a sour look, "I hope you have to do the same!"
"Don't be a meanie, Drewbie," Amy scolded. "It's not nice to wish bad things on others."
"Ach, havers, Woman," Duff chipped in. "It's all in good humour."
Shego rolled her eyes, "urgh, can we please just get on with this."
This was only the first game and already she was feeling her sanity slip away. Why do I end up in these situations? An image of Miss Go flashed through her mind and she shuddered. However, she was beginning to wonder if putting up with the rouge part of her mind would actually have been less grating than putting up with this bunch of loonies. And I thought Drakken by himself was irritating! Her eyes glanced over to Ru-Ru's perch, as the naked-mole-shark hopped back up and spun the spinner once more. It went around several times before landing on…
"YES!" Drakken exclaimed gleefully. "Take that, Shego!"
The spinner had stopped on left-foot green.
Ru-Ru gnashed his teeth as he sniggered, "heh, heh."
Shego let out an exaggerated sigh and said sarcastically, "oh, no, not left-foot green! How will I ever manage that?" She then proceeded to lift her left-foot from a blue spot, bend it over her back and touch her foot back down on the mat.
"You can't do that!" Drakken declared in outrage, "it's not fair… That's cheating!"
"There's nowt in the rules aboot bein' flexible, Drew," Killigan said.
"He's right, Drewbie," Amy added. "Isn't that right, Ru-Ru."
The naked-mole-shark reluctantly nodded his head in agreement. However, his eyes then lit up and he shot down from his perch.
Shego's eyes looked at her barefoot (gloves and socks apparently gave you an unfair advantage, so all parties had been made to remove them) and saw that her big toe was not fully on the green spot. She smiled internally, come on you little rodent-fish, see what happens when you try and take a bite out of me. Without igniting her plasma, she turned her glow on and rapidly heated up her foot.
Ru-Ru scampered across the mat, opened his small jaws and dived at her naked foot. His tongue caught her foot before his teeth had even grazed her skin. He let out a loud yelp and quickly darted away.
Shego laughed as she watched the rodent-fish zoom up onto the table, dive into a picture of iced tea and drain the lot.
"Oh, you big meanie!" Amy scolded before glancing over to her 'Cuddle Buddy', "are you ok, Sweetums?"
The naked-mole-shark climbed out of the picture, his tongue hanging out as he panted. He then glared at Shego and shook one of his little fists at her as he let out a series of unintelligible curses.
"You'll have to try better than that if you want a taste of my flesh," she replied with a smirk.
The creature grumbled as he made his way back to his perch and spun the spinner again.
"OH NO!" Drakken, Killigan and Shego then said in alarm when it came up right-hand red.
Ru-Ru rolled over onto his back as he burst out laughing.
"Oh dear," Amy said. The only feasible spot available to her being diagonally across the mat. "Ru-Ru, did you fiddle with that spinner?"
"Ut-uh," the naked-mole-shark said and shook its head, then burst out into the evillest of laughs possible for a creature of his genetically messed up nature. In anticipation of getting to bite Amy, he hopped down and scampered over to the spot where her hand needed to reach.
With the only option available to her being to go over the top of the other three players, the plump woman stretched out her arm towards the spot.
"Amy, I don't think, "Drakken began, before shouting, "AHHH!" Amy having started to put her weight down on top of him.
"Are ye daft, Woman," Killigan managed to blurt out before he yelled, "SWEET JESUS! GET OFF, YA HEAVY LUMUX!"
Oh, crap, Shego thought, as she felt various parts of the three villains press down atop her. However, she could do nothing but groan as she watched Amy helplessly bat at the spot that was her goal.
Nonchalantly, Ru-Ru sauntered over to her flailing limb.
"Sweetums, you wouldn't do that to mommy," Amy desperately pleaded.
The naked-mole-shark gave her a wicked grin before casually opening his mouth.
"Ru-Ru, please," Amy begged, "don't you love me?"
The creature paused, thought for a moment, then raised a paw and shook it in a, 'meh', sort of gesture. He then proceeded to chomp down on his 'mommy's' hand.
"YEOWCH!" Amy squealed as her body shot upwards.
Oh, SHIT! Shego cursed internally as she felt the pressure on her body suddenly lift. What goes up, must come down!
"AHH!" Drakken and Killigan simultaneously yelped as the woman's full weight crashed down atop them.
"Oww," Shego grunted from the bottom of the pile and blew a few strands of her raven hair out of her face. She watched as Ru-Ru walked in front of her. "You like this game because no-one really wins, don't you?"
The naked-mole-shark sniggered and nodded his head, "uh-hu, uh-hu."
And so ended game one.
Part two: I shot the sheriff
After they had managed to disentangle themselves from one another, stretch off some very sore limbs and everyone, bar Shego, bandage a bite mark, the collusion of villains had refreshed themselves with a much-needed glass of iced tea from a fresh picture and then seated themselves down at the table. By decision of their malevolent referee, the next game to be played was Clue. Only this version was a little different from the one Shego remembered from her childhood. In fact, she rather liked the alterations.
Instead of the normal Clue characters, such as Miss Scarlet and Colonel Mustard, this version had figurines of several villains Shego knew well; one of them intimately so, albeit in their alter ego forms. Dr Lipskey, Professor DeMenz, Mr Killigan, Dr Hall, Lord Fiske and of course, the dangerously beautiful Miss Shego. The murder weapons had also been spiced up from the boring old candlestick and dagger etc to the death-ray, ballistic Bondo ball, explosive golf ball, genetic scrambler, monkey's fist and the deadliest of them all, the green plasma ball. A glance at the board showed that the classic manor setting, with its library and ballroom, had been replaced with various villains' lairs and deadly situations, such as the speeding train and active volcano. And on the middle of the board; where the solution envelope sat, the pièce de résistance, a picture of the murder victim herself, tween hero and bane of villains everywhere; Kim Possible.
Ru-Ru, wearing a little detective's hat with a pipe between his teeth, shuffled the three sets of cards, picked one from each, took a sneaky peek at them and sniggered as he slotted them into the envelope. He then proceeded to combine the decks into one, shuffle them, then deal them out to the four villains at lightning pace.
"You'd make quite the croupier," Shego commented as she picked up her cards, glanced at them and marked each of them off on her detective note.
The naked-mole-shark nodded emphatically, "mh-hm!" then busied himself with depositing the player figurines and murder weapons around the board.
Dr Drakken rubbed his hands and snatched the die from the board. "Who loves a good game of clue?" he hummed rhetorically, before adding, "I do, I do." He went to roll the die, however, Shego cut him off.
"Hold it, Dr D," she said sharply. "I seem to recall that the femme fatale always goes first in this game. And since that's me, fork over the die."
"What?" Drakken declared, "I will not. This is my lair, my game day and my board game! I'm going first."
"I dinnae think so, Laddie," Killigan then said. "You went first las' time, it's ma turn!"
"Now everyone, let's not fight about it. Why don't we ask Ru-Ru?" Amy placated.
All eyes turned to the naked-mole-shark, who was busy scanning the rules. "Ah-ha!" he then declared, tossed the sheet of paper aside, marched across the board to Dr Drakken and held out his paw, "hmm-hmm, die."
"No, it's mine," Drakken declared in defiance and moved the hand containing the die away from the creature. "It's not fair! I want to go first."
The naked-mole-shark locked eyes with the super-villain and gnashed his razor-sharp teeth.
Shego watched in amusement as a sweat drop rolled down the side of Drakken's face and his hand began to tremble.
Naturally, he cracked, "ok, fine, take it." He thrust the die at Ru-Ru, folded his arms and began to sulk.
Both her and Killigan laughed when the naked-mole-shark stuck out its tongue and blew a raspberry at the grumpy villain.
"Oh, you little scamp, Ru-Ru," Amy admonished as she shook her head. "What have I told you about such behaviour?"
Ru-Ru looked at the stern expression on the geneticist's face and shrugged his shoulders, "meh." He then promptly marched across the board and deposited the die into Shego's outstretched hand.
"Thanking you, Ru-Ru," she said and gave the rodent-fish a sly smile. She then caught his eye as she reached into a bowl of cheesy puffs and tossed him a few, "and there's more where they came from."
She saw the gleam in the naked-mole-shark's eyes as he smiled back at her, before munching down on his well-earned snack. Looks like he takes after Stoppable's rodent in that regard. And it seems he's only a stickler for the rules when their to his benefit, as I think I might have just bribed the ref. Now, let's find out who killed Kimmie. She rolled the die and moved her mini-me figurine five spaces towards Killigan's castle; blissfully ignoring the fact that she'd just shown the first signs, at least internally, that she was having some measure of fun.
The game proceeded and to no surprise of hers, Dr Drakken made a b-line straight for the room labelled, 'Lipsky's lair', reaching it on his second turn.
"Right, it was Dr Lipsky in his own lair with the death-ray!" he declared triumphantly.
Ru-Ru picked up the miniature death-ray and placed it inside Lipsky's lair.
As she was the player on Drakken's left, Shego was first in line to debunk his theory. "Sorry, Dr, D," she said with a grin as she showed him a card, "no dice."
"Hmph," the mad-scientist huffed as he passed the die to her.
Several more rounds passed, with Drakken moving to nearby rooms and declaring himself the murderer with one of the other weapons. And each time she showed him a card; the same card. By the time he reached his fourth room, she let out an audible groan.
"I think it was Dr Lipsky, in the undersea lair with the exploding golf ball!"
"Urgh, give it up, Dr D," Shego said long-sufferingly as she did a facepalm. "You didn't kill Kimmie!"
"Way to go tell everyone, Shego," Drakken retorted, as though he had been bragging about killing the real Kimmie and she'd just outed him as a fraud.
She shook her head; he really is an idiot. "They all know you didn't kill Kimmie!"
"Aye, the lass is right."
"Well, I didn't want to say anything, Drewbie…"
"Uh-hu, uh-hu!"
"But I wanted to be the one who killed her," Drakken huffed.
"Yeah, well, you didn't, so accuse someone else next time." She snatched the die from his hand.
"It's called process of elimination, Shego. It's how detectives solve cases," Drakken retorted irately.
She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Yes, and it only works in this game if you don't keep seeing the same card from me each time you make an accusation!" She withdrew the Dr Lipsky card from her hand, held it out to the naked-mole-shark and said, "if he asks again, show him this and then take a bite out of his finger."
Ru-Ru took the card, then pointed at the bowl of cheesy puffs and rubbed his stomach.
Shego reached into the bowl and set another three on the table for him and received a salute before the naked-mole-shark scampered off to claim his prize.
"Now, Ru-Ru, don't you go filling up on junk again. You know you're supposed to be on a strict diet," Amy reprimanded.
The naked-mole-shark blew his creator a raspberry and defiantly shoved a cheesy puff into his mouth.
The threat of getting his fingers bitten by Ru-Ru worked wonders at stopping Dr Drakken from naming himself as the suspect again. The game went on and by the time it entered into its closing stages, both herself and Killigan had started to employ dirty tactics in order to prevent the other from winning. In one instance, the Scotsman had purposefully blocked her from entering the genetics lab and in another, she'd named him the suspect, just so she could drag his token to the opposite side of the board. In the end, it became a race between the two of them to get into the room labelled, 'narrow beam above a scorpion pit'.
Come on, mommy needs a six. She rolled the die, both her and Killigan's eyes fixed upon it. It bounced over the lip in the board, come on, flicked off of the Shego figurine, don't let me down… and landed on six. A triumphant grin spread across her face. "Sorry, Duffy," she said, her tone laced with sass, as she picked up her token and purposefully touched each of the five squares en-route to the room and placed it down inside with a satisfying thud.
"Ach, no!" Killigan groaned in dismay. "A wis only twa spaces awa'."
"I think," she began with an amused smile, "it was yours truly, on the narrow beam above a scorpion pit, with the green plasma ball."
The look of dismay on Killigan's face turned to one of confusion. "Whit?" he said, before starting to laugh. "Dinnae be daft, Lassie. It wisna you who killed the Possible lass," and then forgetting that he was supposed to keep his theories to himself, added, "it wis me! Ah finished her off."
She looked at him completely unphased. "As I've told Dr D on more than one occasion, only one person gets to finish off Kimmie; me. Now, does anyone want to argue that fact with a card?"
Drakken grudgingly shook his head.
"Not me, Sweetie," Amy said.
Her gaze turned to Killigan, "Duffy?"
"Yer jist bluffing us, Lass," he said firmly but nonetheless sat his cards down on the table.
"Well, in that case," she picked a cheesy puff out of the bowl and held it out to the naked-mole-shark, "Ru-Ru, if you please."
The creature scoffed down the cheesy puff and then scampered to the centre of the board, picked up the solution envelope and handed it to her.
"Thanking you," she said, withdrew the cards from the envelope and smiled as she glanced at them. Shego then set each one down on the table in turn as she said, "yours truly, on the narrow beam above a scorpion pit, with the green plasma ball."
She received a round of applause from the naked-mole-shark.
"Oh well played, Sweetie," Amy said by way of congratulations.
"Aye, well played, Lass," Killigan added graciously. "I take it you're holding ma caird?"
Shego turned her hand of cards around and showed the Scotsman that she was indeed holding the card with his portrait on it. She then flashed a grin at Drakken. "Aren't you going to congratulate me for finishing off Kimmie?"
"Do it in real life and then I'll congratulate you," he grumbled, clearly still sore that he had not been the one to 'kill Kimmie'.
"Now, Drewbie," Amy said, sounding scarily like the mad scientist's mother, "don't be a sore loser." She then gave him a stern look.
"Fine," Drakken huffed, "well done, Shego. But don't think you'll beat me at Monopoly so easily."
She burst out laughing, as did Killigan. "I bet you bankrupt yourself before you manage to get twice around the board! Or have you forgotten how you blew tens of millions of dollars on a new lair and super-weapon, only to blow both up within seconds?"
"The lass is right, Drew. You've got aboot as much restraint when it comes tae money, as Monkey Fist's got wi' a bunch o' bananas," Killigan added.
"I'm afraid you do have a tendency to spend out with your means, Drewbie," Amy said as she patted Drakken on the shoulder.
"I'll have you all know," the mad scientist began, clenching his fists and gritting his teeth, "that I've been taking money management lessons!"
"Ha, who from, Kimmie's ex?" Shego exclaimed.
"Absolutely not! That buffoon has no concept of how to handle money," Drakken bit back.
"Then who?" she asked.
"Señor, Senior," the mad scientist declared triumphantly.
"Ohh, he's got ya there, Lass," Killigan conceded. "Señor Senior, Senior, is a shrewd businessman. I'd wager he'll have set even Drew here straight about managing money. Unlike that eejit (idiot) son o' his."
Drakken looked slightly sheepish for a moment, before saying, "yes, of course. Who else?"
Shego stared at him and saw him begin to sweat. She then burst out laughing. "Please tell me you actually took financial advice from Junior."
Drakken said nothing as all three of the other villains, plus Ru-Ru stared at him expectantly.
"Ha, you actually did!" she exclaimed, trying to hold back her laughter. "You actually took financial advice from Señor Senior, Junior! Perhaps the only person on this planet with less sense when it comes to money than you."
Everyone, even Amy, burst out laughing when Drakken's blue face turned red. And the naked-mole-shark began beating his little fists off of the table as he rolled around in a fit of hysterics.
Ha, he's not even going to make it once around the board without bankrupting himself! While she did not want to admit it to herself and certainly wouldn't when inevitably asked by Miss Go about it, Shego was actually having a little fun, made sweeter when it was at Drakken's expense. Ok, so maybe this isn't as bad as I thought it would be. However, this is not fun. Doing this purely so I don't have to deal with Miss Go. Urgh, I'm even referring to that smug asshole by the stupid name now.
Ru-Ru quickly swept away the Clue board and pieces and replaced it with the Monopoly one. It was time for game number three.
##
Part three: Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash
Like Clue, Drakken's version of Monopoly had been jazzed up too. Instead of $1, the money now started with $1000 bills and went up to a cool half-a-million. The normal player tokens of a car, ship etc, had been replaced with various pieces of villain gear. Shego chose a figurine of a rocket-powered motorbike, Killigan a set of golf clubs, Amy something that looked like an elephant-armadillo, which was rudely kicked onto the Go City square by Ru-Ru and Drakken, surprise surprise, a model death-ray.
She laughed when she looked down and saw that Mediterranean Avenue had been replaced by Drakken's lair.
"They all ganged up on me when we made this game, ok," the mad-scientist grumbled, on seeing what she was laughing at.
"Tae be fair, Drew, yer lairs get blown up so often and ye hae so little cash tae buy a new one, that they're a'ways done on the cheap," Killigan chuckled. "I mean, even this table has wan leg propped up on a book."
"He's right, Drewbie," Amy added. "We even had to sit on the floor one game night because you hadn't managed to cobble together the money for furniture yet"
"I told you, all my money was tied up in a very delicate plot to take over the world," Drakken huffed.
"Yeah and look how that turned out," Shego said sarcastically.
Ru-Ru, now wearing a small croupier's hat, laughed evilly, "heh, heh, heh, heh."
"That's enough of your sarcasm, Shego," Drakken said irritably as he picked up the dice. "And I'm definitely going first this time!"
She shot Ru-Ru a sideways look and winked at him. "Sorry, Dr D, but I'm pretty sure that the youngest player gets to go first in this game, which would be moi."
"You just made that up!" Drakken exclaimed hotly, steam rising from the top of his blue head.
"That soonds just as unfair as Miss Shego a'ways goin' first in Clue," Killigan agreed. "Can we no jist dae whit we a'ways do an' roll the dice?"
"Now, I do recall something like that being the rule when we used to play as kids," Amy said ponderously, "or was that Trivial Pursuit?" She turned to look at the naked-mole-shark. "Why don't we get Ru-Ru to check the rules? After all, he is a stickler for them."
"Uh-hu, uh-hu" Ru-Ru nodded mischievously and winked at Shego. He then scampered over to the box and pulled out the rule leaflet.
"Well, what does it say?" Drakken barked impatiently.
There were a few mumbled squeaks from the naked-mole-shark as its beady eyes scanned the leaflet. He then triumphantly tossed it back into the box, fixed Drakken with a glare, pointed at Shego and said, "dice."
"I will not!" Drakken bellowed. "It's not fair! In fact, let me see that." He reached a hand towards the box, but Ru-Ru started gnashing his teeth and he quickly withdrew it. However, the mad-scientist did not fork over the dice. "No! I'm taking a stand. I'll not be bullied by a rodent-fish in my own lair." In a flash, his hand shot out and he pinged the naked-mole-shark across the table.
The creature rolled over backwards and bounced into the monopoly box.
"Oh, my!" Amy exclaimed. "Ru-Ru, are you ok?"
"Aww come on now, Drew. That wis a lil' unca'd for," Killigan said.
"It was not uncalled for," Drakken retorted. "I'm not getting browbeaten by that feral creature anymore."
Shego peered into the box and saw the naked-mole-shark lying amidst a pile of money, title deeds, plastic defence systems (houses) and doomsday weapons (hotels). She watched him pick himself up, dust himself down and straighten his little croupier's hat. A grin formed on her face when she saw the evil spark ignite behind his beady eyes. Heh, Drakken is so about to regret pinging him.
"Yo, Dr D," she called out, drawing her boss' attention, "I think you've made him mad."
"So what?" Drakken scoffed.
Shego pointed at the naked-mole-shark. "If I were you, I'd give me the dice and beg his forgiveness."
"NEVER!" the mad scientist declared. "I'M GOING FIRST!"
"Charge," Ru-Ru squeaked as he bounded across the table.
"Oh, Christ, the wee beastie's gone feral!" Killigan roared and quickly distanced himself from the blue-skinned man.
Drakken turned his gaze to look at the creature. "AHHH!" he screamed as the naked-mole-shark launched himself at him. Leaning too far back in his chair, it tipped over when Ru-Ru barrelled into his chest. The other three villains cringed with each and every yelp that escaped from the mad scientist's mouth as he futilely tried to swat the lightning-quick naked-mole-shark that was biting him left right and centre. After a couple of minutes of furious scrambling and one final chomp, the man's right hand opened and Ru-Ru swiped the dice from his palm. The naked-mole-shark then made its way back up onto the table and deposited them into Shego's waiting palm.
"Good boy," she said, giving the creature a pat on the head and four cheesy puffs.
Ru-Ru tipped his little croupier's hat at her and then dived after his snacks.
"Looks like the lass has mare control o'er that wee beastie than you dae, Amy," Killigan observed.
"He's very much the lady's man is Ru-Ru," Amy replied, "and has a liking for all things cheese or junk food related."
A now mauled Drakken picked himself up off the floor, straightened his chair and sat back down; all the while grumbling about the injustice of it all and how mad-genetics should be banned or at least strongly regulated.
"So, what have we learned, Dr D?" Shego asked in amusement.
"Never ask you to stay for game day again," Drakken huffed. "Now roll the dice, Shego."
She flashed him a smirk as she threw the dice. Rolling eleven, she moved her rocket-powered motorbike to Camp Wannaweep (St Charles Place) and promptly handed Ru-Ru $140,000 for it and received the title deed in return. She then passed the dice to Drakken, "your turn, Dr D."
The mad-scientist snatched the dice from her, rolled seven and moved to chance; labelled risky venture on this board. Ru-Ru picked up the top card from the pile, let out an evil chuckle as he read it, then passed it to Drakken. The man snatched it from the naked-mole-shark, took one look at it and yelled, "WHAT! KIM POSSIBLE!"
Shego swiped the card from his clenched fist and read, "Kim Possible foils your plan to take over the world. Go to Jail, go directly to jail. Do not pass Go City. Do not collect $200,000." She burst out laughing as she handed the card back to a still sniggering Ru-Ru. "I guess this game is just like real life, right, Dr D."
A fuming Drakken picked up his token and reluctantly moved it to the jail space. "Not another word, Shego."
The game went on for hours and, given that it was being played by a bunch of super-villains, became fiercely competitive. Ru-Ru served as banker, but was far more akin to a mafia loan shark when it came to any money owed to him; snapping his teeth and prising notes out of players (mostly Drakken's) grasp if they tried to avoid paying him. However, like a loan shark, he was not opposed to giving you an extra turn or two to pay up, so long as you could afford his interest rates and were willing to barter with some cheesy puffs. As expected, Drakken had started off buying up everything he landed on, spreading his portfolio far too thin and almost losing several fingers to the bank of Ru-Ru. Eventually, he was the first to go bankrupt; wiped out by three defence systems on Hench-Co (North Carolina Avenue), owned by Shego.
"We did warn you not to over-extended yourself, Dr D," she said with a smirk as she scooped up what little cash remained from Drakken's 'empire'.
"I didn't over-extend myself, Shego," Drakken spat bitterly. "I just made a few slight financial missteps."
"Aye, ya did that, Drew," Killigan chipped in. "I believe we also told ya no tae put off paying that $10,000 fine ya owed tae the naked-loan-shark," the Scotsman let out a hearty laugh, "remind me, hoo much did ya end up hae'in tae pay 'im in the end?"
Drakken muttered an unintelligible reply under his breath, causing everyone else, even Amy, to laugh at him.
"Hoo' much?" Killigan poked.
The mad scientist muttered again, albeit slightly louder this time.
Shego sniggered, "sorry, Dr D, we still can't hear you."
"Ok, it was $1,000,000, are you happy!" Drakken yelled irately before standing up.
They all burst out laughing.
"I'm going for some cocoa-moo," the mad scientist huffed irritably and stalked off.
She turned her attention to the naked-loan-shark, who was sitting punching in numbers on a small calculator. "Ok, Ru-Ru, how much is the mortgage on Drakken's properties going to cost me."
The naked-loan-shark held up the calculator and pointed to the figure of $500,000.
Shego winced, "ok, how about I just give you the 10% and we leave them as they are, deal?" She held out a $50,000 bill from what remained of Drakken's stack.
Ru-Ru pointed to the bowl of cheesy puffs, rubbed his stomach and smacked his lips.
She rolled her eyes, "fine. $50,000 and a cheesy puff."
"Three," Ru-Ru countered.
She gave him a pointed look and said firmly, "two."
The naked-loan-shark thought for a moment before nodding his head and taking the bill from her hand. She reached into the now severely depleted bowl of cheesy puffs and placed two on the table.
"I think that little scamp has taken too much of a liking to you, Sweetie," Amy said with a slight hint of disapproval. "He charged me twice as much when I had to pay that insurance premium."
"Aye, the wee beastie's no normally that agreeable," Killigan added, scowling at the naked-loan-shark. "Jist look wat he did tae ma finger when a widnae pay him that lair rebuild fee." The Scotsman held up a bandaged finger.
Shego laughed, "I guess I just have a way with genetically spliced 'Cuddle Buddy's'." Not to mention the ability to burn their mouths if they try and bite me and knowledge of the parent naked-mole-rat's love of all things cheesy.
A few high-octane rounds later and they had reached the endgame. Having converted her defence systems to doomsday weapons on the green properties and bartered away Señor Senior, Senior's island (Boardwalk) to Amy for Camille Leon's mansion (New York Avenue), Shego proceeded to erect defence systems on the orange strip. Meanwhile the geneticist bankrupt Killigan; ironically with a doomsday weapon on his own castle. It transpired that under her cuddly nature, was a shrewd businesswoman, which the woman explained was a skill she'd needed to learn in order to restore her beloved Cuddle Buddy collection after the original had been destroyed. A few rounds later, both players had evaded each-others properties and spent the bulk of their remaining cash on more defence systems and doomsday weapons. However, a bad dice roll for Shego cost her $350,000; the last of her money plus the nuclear reactor (electric company).
She grimaced internally, another hit like that and I'm done for, as Ru-Ru swiped her remaining notes and deposited them with Amy.
"Good boy," the geneticist praised and tossed him a singular cheesy puff. She then picked up the dice and rolled.
Come on, two, four or five… bastard; the woman had rolled an eight. She watched as Amy moved her token to the risky venture square and the naked-loan-shark picked up the card. Meanwhile, Drakken had returned with his cocoa-moo.
Ru-Ru read it and then rolled over; laughing evilly to himself.
"Oh dear," Amy said in alarm as Drakken reached out and picked up the card.
"HA! KIM POSSIBLE" he yelled with glee for the first time ever.
"What is Kimmie sending her to jail?" Shego asked in annoyance, considering that to be a very good thing at this stage of the game.
"No, worse," Drakken declared and then read from the card, "Kim Possible destroys your lair. Make repairs to all of your defence systems - $25,000 each and doomsday weapons - $100,000 each!"
Ru-Ru, who had managed to stop laughing, picked himself up and fetched his calculator. He then walked around the board and added up the total sum of all of Amy's defence systems and doomsday weapons. He then showed it to his creator and held out his paw expectantly.
"OH MY!" Amy exclaimed on seeing the figure.
Sensing an opportunity, Shego plucked the remaining cheesy puffs out of the bowl, before the thought of using them to bribe the naked-loan-shark crossed her opponent's mind.
Amy counted up her money and then said, "Ru-Ru, sweetums, would you give mommy an extra turn or two to pay you?"
The naked-loan-shark looked at the bowl of cheesy puffs and pointed at it expectantly. Because it was made of red plastic, he could not see that it was now empty.
The geneticist grudgingly sighed and said, "ok, how many?"
Ru-Ru gave the woman a sly smirk, "six."
"Six!" Amy exclaimed, "Ru-Ru, you little scamp, that's daylight robbery. I'll give you two."
The naked-loan-shark shook his head, "ut-uh, five."
"Don't you get cheeky with me, young man," Amy replied, hands on her hips. "You can have three."
"Four!" Ru-Ru retorted, mimicking his owner's gesture.
Killigan laughed, "the wee beastie drives a hard bargain."
"Has anyone else actually gotten to eat one of those or has that little beast extorted the lot out of us?" Drakken asked.
It was a fair point. While everyone had actually eaten some of the cheesy puffs, Ru-Ru had probably extracted more than half the bowl in fees and bribes.
"Ok, fine," Amy finally said bitterly. She put her hand in the bowl and gulped on finding it empty.
"Hey, Ru-Ru," Shego said with a smirk as she tossed the last of the cheesy puffs around her palm, "I'll give you these last four cheesy puffs if you make her pay up now."
"Why you big meanie!" Amy exclaimed, her eyes locking onto the cheesy puffs she desperately needed in Shego's hand
The naked-loan-shark's beady eyes too locked onto the snacks in her hand. "Ha-ha, Sold!" he squeaked. Bounding forward, he snatched Amy's stack of notes, quickly counted out her debt and ran off with it to his bank. He then turned to look at Shego expectantly.
"I think I like you," she said as she deposited the cheesy puffs on the table and gave his head a quick rub. Shego then picked up the dice, rolled and moved her token onto free parking. "Your roll, Amy."
The geneticist picked up the dice, blew on them for luck, then started shaking them in her hand.
Come on, this time be good. Nine, ten or… "yippie-ki-ya motherfucker!" she yelled as she did a fist pump; the dice having landed on twelve.
Amy looked like she was going to cry, as Ru-Ru helpfully moved her token around the board and deposited it on Professor Dementor's Bavarian Lair (Pennsylvania Avenue).
"That's 1.4 million you owe me that you don't have, Amy," Shego declared triumphantly. Damn, who knew beating this lot at their own games would be so satisfying. She growled at herself. I'm not having fun! This is purely a means to avoid putting up with little Miss Go!
Ru-Ru knocked over Amy's elephant-armadillo token, pointed at Shego and declared gleefully, "winner!"
"Aye, aye, we ken that," Killigan then said. "But these are jist' kiddie games. The lass'll no fair sae well when we get the cairds oot and play a proper man's game."
"Oh yeah," Shego shot back, "like what?"
"A wee game called poker, Lass," the Scotsman replied with a smile.
Now we're talking. However, she decided to feign ignorance. "Oh, I've never played that before. You'll have to teach me how to play," she said sweetly.
"Yes, well we can do that after we've ordered Pizza, I'm starving," Drakken declared irritably.
God, he gets shirty when he's hungry and on a losing streak. "Sure thing, Dr D," she said sarcastically, "only one problem. How do you expect a pizza parlour to deliver here?"
"Leave that to me, Shego," the mad-scientist replied as he rubbed his hands together.
Urgh, why do I get the feeling he's got some crackpot scheme all drawn up to try and get Pizza delivered? She stood up and left the table, wandering into the kitchenette. Opening the fridge, she rooted around inside it, past all of Drakken's bottles of cocoa-moo and withdrew a bottle of beer. She sliced the top off with a lit finger and took a drink. Ok, so far, I've been flattened by a bunch of heavy villains at Twister, won games of Clue and Monopoly and befriended a naked-mole-shark. Can this day get any weirder? She let out a light laugh. And I bet I'm still having a better day than Kimmie is with her mom. The thought passed through her mind before she could stop it and she growled internally, screw Princess. However, she could not quell the desire that she would have sincerely have liked to. Sensing the danger signs, she quickly walked back over to the table of 'lunatics', one last thought crossing her mind before she descended back into Crazyville, maybe I should just have tried the mass amount of alcohol route again. She still had a long night ahead of her.