Chapter Twenty-One: The Final Wrech-ening
[Morning, Camp Wawankwa]
[scene shows Chris standing on the Dock of Shame in a blue tuxedo]
Chris: This season on Total Drama All-Stars, twenty-two contestants have been duking it out for one million dollars. Your favorite heroes and villains battled for supremacy in our most painful and grueling ever! But, it was the betrayals that cut the deepest. Katz arranged an alliance to dominate the game with the other villains, but ultimately went against his word and it worked in favor for a LONG time. In the end, however, not even one of the most despicable contestants ever to compete on Total Drama could make it to the big, bad finale. Instead, former Chief of Police Pamela Bondani and infamous space pirate Wolf O'Donnell made it all the way to the end. After more than three weeks of killer challenges, we're down to our final two players. Who will take home the million-dollar prize? Find out, right here, right now, on the season finale of Total...Drama...All-Stars!
[scene shows the interior of the spa hotel where Wolf is seen eating breakfast in the dining room]
Wolf: Aah, it's great to be back. How I've missed this place.
[static buzzing]
Wolf: I'm pretty sure it might have been a surprise to some of you that someone like me made it all the way to the finale. But you know how the old saying goes "there's a first time for everything." If I do win the million dollars, I'm gonna use it to invest in our profits for Star Wolf, and maybe a little something on the side. [chuckles]
[static buzzing]
Pamela: You might be asking yourself, "Pamela, how did you manage to get all the way to the final two?" The answer is simple: I played the game to my utmost potential and stuck it out long enough to see Katz get his loser face out of my sight. It was by far the most satisfying thing I've ever seen throughout my time here. Once I win the million dollars, I'm gonna live it up big, maybe buy myself a mansion, maybe take a trip to Vegas, the possibilities are endless.
[static buzzing]
Loudspeaker: Good morning, finalists! Meet me in the forest clearing and get ready to diet...sorry, typo...ready to die!
[scene cuts to Wolf and Pamela walking through the forest]
Pamela: You know, it's funny, who would have thought that the two of us, given our backgrounds, would team up to take down the ultimate threat and make it to the final two?
Wolf: A rare instance at that, but hey, it got us to the finale and that's all that counts. You did good, I have to say.
Pamela: Thanks, you're not half-bad for a pirate.
Wolf: And you're not half bad for a corrupt officer.
[scene cuts to the two finalists standing in front of a curtain where Chris and Chef Hatchet are standing]
Chris: Congratulations on making it to the finale. It's something you'll regret for the rest of your lives, which will likely be rather short since this final challenge is SO vicious...SO brutal...SO savage…[watches the two finalists stare with wide eyes]...that our lawyers said we had to change it!
Pamela: Soooo, you made it less dangerous?
Chris: No, but we told them we did. [chuckles to Chef] High-five! [raises his hand, but Chef doesn't do the same]
Chef: People gonna' die.
Chris: Yeah, those people. Combatants, choose your weapon. [the curtains pull up, revealing a stash of weapons] So, what'll it be? Meatball bazooka, bow and blood-tipped arrows, a leech gun, a slingshot or...why is there an oven mitt there?! [Chef hastily goes to retrieve it]
Chef: Er, there was an extra hook.
[Wolf goes to pick up the bazooka while Pamela goes to pick up the bow and arrows]
Chris: Now that you've got your weapons, you'll need them to pop these balloons. [scene shifts over to the balloons] Each one contains a previously eliminated All-Star.
Pamela: Seriously? Can they breathe in there?
Chris: Who knows? You have thirty seconds. Any All-Star you shoot down becomes your helper. Annnnndddd...GO! [blows the airhorn]
[Wolf blasts up at the balloons and one of his shots pops out Angelina and she falls to the ground]
Angelina: Oof!
[Pamela tries to shoot at the balloons with her arrows and ultimately ends up shooting down...Prince John and he falls to the ground]
Prince John: Ow! Mommy! [sucks on his thumb]
Pamela: Oh, for crying out loud!
[Wolf blasts up at the balloons again and ends up popping out Charlotte and she falls to the ground]
Charlotte: Oh! Tee-hee, that was fun!
[Pamela shoots at the balloons again and her arrow ends up popping out…]
Katz: Oof!
Pamela: What?! Oh, no...no, not you! Anyone but you!
Chris: Okay, time's up! Chef, will you do the honors?
[Chef pulls out a machine gun and starts blasting at the rest of the balloons, popping each of the eliminated contestants out]
Carmen: Well...that could have gone a little smoother.
Jasper: GRR! Who put me put in that contraption called a "balloon?!"
Bugs: [groans] Mental note, never sign up for a reality show ever again.
Daffy: [groans] Agreed.
Fiona: [growls] Stupid host.
Chris: Alright, now that we've got that out of the way, let's move on to the next part of the challenge!
[static buzzing]
Pamela: Great, just as soon as I'm rid of Katz, he thrusts himself back into my sight! [sighs] At least now he can't get the million dollars regardless.
[static buzzing]
Wolf: Damn, that's gotta suck for Pam. Knowing Katz, he's gonna try everything in his power to hinder her progress.
[static buzzing]
Chris: Katz and Prince John, you will be helping Pamela. Angelina and Charlotte, you're on Team Wolf. BUT, you four are here as helpers only, meaning you can't win.
[static buzzing]
Katz: That Chris Mclean is going to pay for robbing me of the grand prize. However, this means that I can hinder Pamela's progress so that she still fails. And I happen to have a few ideas on how to execute that. [pulls out a stick of dynamite and chuckles darkly]
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to the contestants walking through the forest]
Chris: Wolf, Pamela, this season, I decided to come up with some really dangerouuuuuhhhh, I mean, special. Yeah...special...for the both of you. Say hello to the final challenge of Total Drama All-Stars: The Moats of Doom! [chuckles]
[scene shows a four-layered moat as the contestants gasp]
Chris: [off-screen] Each level has a sliver of safe-ish ground where you'll find tools to help you survive the insane dangers that await you in each moat. The first moat, at ground level, is filled with toxic waste. Ya' might wanna avoid falling in unless you wanna go to the prom with Ezekiel. Moat #2 is boiling hot lava! The third moat is just plain old swamp water, but, what lies beneath will definitely kill you!
[static buzzing]
Angelina: This can't possibly be legal!
[static buzzing]
Chris: Wolf, Pamela, if you somehow survive all three moats, you must say goodbye to your helpers and go it alone as you storm the castle. [scene shifts over to the top where a makeshift castle is standing with Chef dressed up in a robe and crown] Take your life in your hands as you fight your way past the Mad King.
Chef: [unethusiastically] I am the Mad King...yeah…
Chris: [off-screen] If you get past the Mad King and find the strength to pull the Sword of Victory from the stone, YOU are the true Total Drama All-Star! [on-screen] And, the winner of one...million...dollars! Subjecttoallapplicabletaxesandotheroff-setsrequiredbylaw. So...excited?
Angelina: This challenge is by far the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard!
Pamela: Alright, you two. I'm warning you, any funny business from either of you and it's a knuckle sandwich for lunch today!
Katz: Oh, I can assure you that you'll have a safe and easy journey to the top. [scene shows Katz's fingers crossed behind his back]
Chris: Will anyone survive the final challenge? If yes, will our winner be a king or queen? Find out right after the break here on Total...Drama...All-Stars!
[scene cuts to black, the episode continues]
Chris: [with megaphone in hand] On your mark...get set...GO! [blows the airhorn]
[Wolf, Angelina, and Charlotte set off from one side of the moat while Pamela, Katz, and Prince John set off from the other side of the moat]
Angelina: It's too wide to jump across!
Charlotte: Maybe we could use these as stilts. [picks up two wooden poles and dunks them into the toxic waste and their tips disintegrate] Or...maybe not.
Wolf: I've got an idea…[runs off into the woods and finds a giant log. He throws it over the moat to act as a bridge] Okay, you two, crawl and be careful!
[the trio crawl their way on the log and soon reach the other side]
Chris: Wolf has crossed the first moat! He is in the lead!
Pamela: I'm not out of this yet! [grabs on to a wooden pole and hurls herself over the moat] Phew, made it!
Prince John: Excuse me, but how do we get across?
Pamela: I'm not here to help you, you're here to help me. Figure it out.
[Wolf and Pamela are seen climbing up their respective ladders to reach the next moat]
Chris: [off-screen] Welcome to Level #2! All tide, no one's died...yawn! Let's go, people!
[scene shows Katz and Prince John making it over the first moat in a makeshift raft. They soon reach the other side and begin climbing the ladder. Once they reach the top, they pass Pamela and head to the trio as they lay the previous down over the lava like a bridge. Katz grabs Charlotte and throws her down to the first level]
Angelina: CHARLOTTE!
Charlotte: OH!
[the eliminated contestants on the ground floor gasp in shock]
[Wolf starts to cross the ladder, but it starts to burn]
Angelina: Hurry!
[Wolf rushes across the ladder as it continues to burn until he reaches the other side. With that, he begins to climb the next ladder]
Angelina: Jerk! [tries to slap Katz, but he grabs her by the wrist and throws her down to where Charlotte is]
Angelina: OOF!
Rarity: Oh, dear lord!
Aquamarine: Oh! I want a piece of that! [flies up to join the two male felines]
Top Cat: Hey, get back here, you!
Pamela: [grabs the pogo stick lying in the ground and uses it to jump across] Hey, your fight is with me, not them!
Katz: Thanks for reminding me, I'm coming for you next!
Pamela: [gasps and begins to climb the next ladder]
[scene cuts to the third moat]
Chris: [off-screen] Wolf makes it to Level #3!
Wolf: Yes!
Pamela: Watch out! The devil incarnate and the spoiled brat are coming up here, and I think I see the pixie as well.
[suddenly, Chris arrives on a jetpack]
Chris: You know, since I'm loving all this mayhem, I'm making a new arrangement, anybody can pull the sword and claim victory as the Total Drama All-Star!
Wolf and Pamela: WHAT?!
Katz: [as he grabs onto Pamela's foot] Did somebody say "victory?"
Prince John: Ha-ha! Out of my way, peasants, the real winner coming through!
Aquamarine: Yes, victory shall be mine!
Pamela: [gasps and then glares] Oh, no you don't! [jumps up and grabs Aquamarine, holding her down]
Wolf: [taps on Prince John's shoulder and when the lion turns around, he punches him in the face] There ain't gonna be no sorry excuse for royalty stealing my million!
[however, Katz manages to slip through the fighting and begins to climb the next ladder]
Katz: You fools! You were never meant to become victorious! I will-
[suddenly, a blast of magic strikes above Katz, catching him off-guard and causing him to fall into the swamp water]
[the rest of the eliminated contestants are seen climbing up the ladders to assist in the fight, via a bridge created from one of Carmen's gadgets]
Jasper: [to Aquamarine] If anyone's gonna win today, it's not gonna be you! [takes the blue gem from Pamela's grasp and instead does it herself] Go! I'll take care of the pipsqueak!
Aquamarine: AH! Unhand me, you big oaf!
Jasper: Call me that again, and I swear, I will shatter you! [sees Fiona trying to sneak off across the moat] And where are you going?!
Fiona: Hey, I'm not losing my shot at a free million bu-[gets tackled down by Rainbow Dash]
Rainbow Dash: You ain't getting nothing!
[Top Cat and Mao Mao grab ahold of Prince John and hold him down]
Mao Mao: Don't you know...[grunts]...cheaters never prosper?!
[meanwhile, Lucario and Mewtwo are seen holding down Katz]
Katz: GRRRR! Let go of me, you ingrates!
Mewtwo: Continue to struggle and you'll see what happens.
[Wolf and Pamela are seen climbing their respective ladders toward the top]
Ending #1:
[Wolf reaches the top of the moats first and begins to run toward the castle while dodging meatballs from Chef's bazooka]
Chris: Seriously, could you be any more terrible at shooting?
[Chef shoots Chris, covering him in meatball sauce]
[Pamela reaches the top of the moats and hides behind a rock]
Pamela: [with pretend sympathy] Aw, don't say that, Chris. I'm sure that Chef is trying his best.
Chef: Aw, why thank you. It's not every day somebody appreciates-
Wolf: [with the sword in hand] Ha-ha! Got it!
Chris: Wolf wins the million dollars!
[the eliminated contestants, barring Katz, Prince John, Aquamarine and Fiona, are seen cheering]
Angelina: Well done, Wolf!
Charlotte: Yippee! The puppy won!
Lucario: Impressive!
Shadow: Huh, not bad.
Pamela: Not bad, O'Donnell. Not bad at all.
Wolf: Yup, me and the boys are gonna live it up tonight.
Pamela: Oh, and Chris? I just wanted to give you a goodbye present. [lifts her leg up and kicks Chris in the crotch..hard]
Chris: AAAAAHHHHH! My kiwis! [drops to the ground, clutching his crotch]
Katz: It's not over until I say it's over. [lits up a stick of dynamic, throws onto the floor and runs off]
[the contestants and Chef run for safety]
Chris: [finally gets up] Wait, why is everyone running? [sees the lit dynamite about to explode] OH, FU-
[BOOOOOOM!]
[the entire island becomes engulfed in flames, with Chris being shot high into the air and lands in the lake]
Chris: [resurfaces and gasps] I'm alive?! I'm...still alive! [laughs until a group of sharks begins to swarm around him] Uh...well, this has certainly been an interesting season, and it guess it truly did finish off with a bang. But, don't worry, we're coming back with some new faces next season and I guess a brand new island, too. Until next time, I'm Chris Mclean and this has been Total...Drama…[sees the sharks about to jump at him and takes off] All-Stars! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
[scene cuts over to the contestants and Chef on a boat as Chris swims past in a panic as the sharks chase after him]
Chris: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
[scene shows one last look at the sailing contestants and Chef and cuts to black as the episode ends]
Ending #2:
[Pamela reaches the top of the moats first and begins to run toward the castle while dodging meatballs from Chef's bazooka]
Chris: Seriously, could you be any more terrible at shooting?
[Chef shoots Chris, covering him in meatball sauce]
[Wolf reaches the top of the moats and hides behind a rock]
Wolf: Hey, big and beefy! Ever heard of depth perception?!
Chef: What the?! Why, you little-
Pamela: [with the sword in hand] YES! YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!
Chris: Pamela wins the million dollars!
[the eliminated contestants, barring Katz, Prince John, Aquamarine and Fiona, are seen cheering]
Carmen: Nice moves there!
Lucario: That was great!
Shadow: I'll admit, not too shabby.
Wolf: Heh, you did well. Not bad I gotta say.
Angelina: You both did wonderfully!
Charlotte: Yippie, let's celebrate!
Pamela: Oh, and Chris? I just wanted to give you a goodbye present. [lifts her leg up and kicks Chris in the crotch..hard]
Chris: AAAAAHHHHH! My kiwis! [drops to the ground, clutching his crotch]
Katz: It's not over until I say it's over. [lits up a stick of dynamic, throws onto the floor and runs off]
[the contestants and Chef run for safety]
Chris: [finally gets up] Wait, why is everyone running? [sees the lit dynamite about to explode] OH, FU-
[BOOOOOOM!]
[the entire island becomes engulfed in flames, with Chris being shot high into the air and lands in the lake]
Chris: [resurfaces and gasps] I'm alive?! I'm...still alive! [laughs until a group of sharks begins to swarm around him] Uh...well, this has certainly been an interesting season, and it guess it truly did finish off with a bang. But, don't worry, we're coming back with some new faces next season and I guess a brand new island, too. Until next time, I'm Chris Mclean and this has been Total...Drama…[sees the sharks about to jump at him and takes off] All-Stars! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
[scene cuts over to the contestants and Chef on a boat as Chris swims past in a panic as the sharks chase after him]
Chris: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
[scene shows one last look at the sailing contestants and Chef and cuts to black as the episode ends]