It was still dark when Espionage's blue eyes fluttered open. She was still in the same position she fell asleep in. Not on top of Hawks like the first time, but this time facing him on her side. They had eventually passed out just holding each other's hands, him kissing her knuckles as he got her to talk about pretty much nothing. The weirdest people she's ever met, the farthest she's traveled from Japan, asking her to say things in various languages. It was calming. She barely even remembered falling asleep. Looking at him now as he slept filled her heart with so many things. He looked a lot like the kid she remembered. Well, except for the fact that he insisted on not wearing a shirt to bed, even though he was wearing a perfectly good undershirt underneath the formal button down he was wearing. The little Keigo she once knew wouldn't have been so bold to do that around her. Although teenage Hawks probably would've if given the opportunity.

A smile grew on her face as she ignored the dull ache that never left her. This wasn't something that could happen for the rest of their lives no matter how much they both wished for it. Life wasn't easy for anyone, but especially not them. There was also the pain of hearing him refer to memories of the two of them that he didn't recognize. He talked about all these kids that didn't exist anywhere in the world besides his planted ideas, not even realizing that his lifelong best friend was right beside him.

Quietly, she stood from her bed. Staying here and staring at him in silence was only going to be more upsetting than it already was. There was only so much bittersweet happiness she could take.

The spy snuck out of her room, heading to the living room to sit on her couch and stew in her own overactive thoughts. What would happen if she told him the truth? Would he believe her? Probably, and even if he didn't, she had plenty of ways to prove that she was the person in all of his childhood memories. But that just wasn't the same as actually remembering. And really, that's what she wanted. She needed him to truly, honestly know her. That feeling was probably what made their New Year's kisses ring a bit hollow. Sure, they ignited a fire in her soul that she hadn't felt in years, but there was still this feeling that something was holding them both back from fully connecting. Hawks's hesitation to move too quickly forward in his ten-step plan just confirmed that theory for her. She had a feeling that he knew deep down, probably unconsciously, that their relationship was strained by something. It was like they were grasping at each other through a chain linked fence. They could reach, they could touch each other, but it wasn't a real embrace until the obstacle was removed.

Her knees were hugged to her chest as she thought through some of the memories she most wanted to forget but couldn't, hyper analyzing everything she could remember. There had to be a way to fix what she did.

Soft footsteps sounded as Hawks walked down the stairs. Espionage smirked when she looked over to see him back in his undershirt and gray dress pants. Obviously he at least had enough sense not to walk around her house mostly naked like how he slept.

"What are you doing up?" he asked in a sleep heavy voice, brushing his blonde hair back with his fingers.

She shrugged, unmoving from where she sat. "Just thinking."

"That's a dangerous pastime," he said, echoing what she had said to him so long ago.

Her blue eyes met his golden brown, a smile growing on her face as she was reassured that his memories were still mostly there.

"Yes, it is."

"Say, Espie. I've got a weird question," Hawks started, moving to sit on the couch next to her.

"Go ahead."

The hero sat back on the cushion, sighing heavily. There was a conflicted look on his face, like he was fighting himself on what to say, or maybe how to word it.

"Were you… Did we go to school together? And I don't mean we just coincidentally went to the same school. Did you live in the mansion with me back then?" he asked. The seriousness dropped from his face and he gave a light laugh. A hand went up to rub his face. "Wow this feels so stupid. In my head, I remember this girl with long purple hair and tan skin. Frankly, she looked nothing like you and I'm so certain she's real. But kissing you feels like kissing her again, which is crazy because nobody else ever came close to giving me the same feeling. So…are you her somehow?"

Espionage felt the breath in her lungs leave her. He figured it out. It looked like it pained him to fight the false memories, but he was pushing so hard against them. It conflicted her as much as it did him. It would be so easy to come clean now, to explain what she did to him and what their lives were really like. He might have to readjust this thinking a little, but he would know that it was her. Though that wasn't the same as genuinely knowing the truth.

"Yes, that was me," she admitted.

Hawks chuckled again. "That feels weird, but I believe it."

"It's a bit more complicated than that, honestly," she continued. He looked over to her with raised eyebrows. "I'll explain it if I have to, but I want to try something first."

"Try what?" He continued to gaze at her through puzzled eyes.

Espionage took a deep breath in and let it back out, her heart hammering in her chest like it was threatening to escape. She was going to fix her past mistakes. Or at least try.

"So, I've- "she swallowed hard as a knot formed in her throat. "I've been thinking about what happened between us all those years ago. I can't ever stop thinking about it. You already know I altered your memories and I'm still very sorry."

"We've been over that already, Espie. You don't have a reason to apologize," he interrupted with an easy smile.

"I know, but that doesn't stop me from feeling bad about it," she sighed. "Anyway, I was thinking about the day I did it in particular, going over everything that happened and I… I think I might be able to reverse it. The chances are low because I can't make people remember something they forgot. I can't bring back a neural connection that's died. But I don't think I ever told you to forget me, exactly. I told you to forget my name and remember me as a variety of different people instead."

Hawks's eyes widened at the last statement, his mouth pressing into a line as the words 'variety of different people' hung in the air. The realization that she wasn't lying when she said the situation was more complicated than he thought finally settling on him.

"So, technically speaking, if I told you to remember things as they once were, then…" her voice trailed off as she thought more about it.

"Then it's worth a shot, right?" he asked, a note of hopefulness in his tone.

She nodded. "Right. It's still not a guarantee or anything. You might have naturally forgotten the real thing over time and- "

"Dove don't think too hard about it and try," Hawks interrupted. He reached over to grab her hand and squeezed it firmly.

"Okay." Espionage set her eyes straight at him. Like a cloudless sky looking straight into the golden rings of the sun. "This might not be the most comfortable thing in the world, so be prepared."

Her eyes closed as she took another deep breath, her hands shaking and heart pounding in her ears. Adrenaline ran through her veins. Unspoken prayers raced through her mind. There was a new spark of determination in her when she opened them again.

"Hawks. I suggest you properly remember everything in your life I changed. I want you to remember me. I want you to forget the suggestion I gave you five years ago."

Nausea hit Espionage before the pain. She was only able to sit long enough to see Hawks's eyes clear from the momentary trance he was put in. The room around her spun as his face contoured into a look of confusion and pain. He let go of her so that he could bury his head in both his hands and clutch at his wavy blonde hair. She stood, swaying as she ran to the closest bathroom down the hall, her stomach lurching from the migraine that was settling in.

Espionage didn't know if it worked. The pounding in her head prevented her from even trying to think about it.

But in the living room, Hawks's mind filled with years of freckles on a round face, a small frame with lean muscles, messy orange curls, and the same crystal eyes he was never able to forget.

x

Five years ago...

Espionage's eyes burned behind the thin scarf that covered them from the tears she couldn't let fall. Her fingers gripped the skirt of her school uniform so hard it physically hurt, but it was absolutely nothing compared to the pain in her chest. That was something completely impossible to describe. The closest comparison she could muster is the agonizing feeling of numbness. Not the complete lack of feeling, but the stabbing pins and needles that occurred when feeling started to come back. The pain that made moving or touching anything scorch someone's nerves until it went away. Except this showed no sign of fading.

"Espionage," Kobayashi's harsh voice sounded from where he sat at the other side of his desk.

This pulled the teen from her own head. The Project Eta lead's office was clean and simple. Gray walls with hung plaques and framed documents with all his achievements, a dark brown wooden desk that had a few papers and pens laid neatly on top with his computer monitor angled to face him from the side. It felt stale and cold, like a prison. This wasn't the first time she's been in this office, but every time she was called in, she knew something bad was going to happen.

This time was no exception.

"I apologize, sir," she tried to say as clearly as possible despite the lump on her throat that was hard to ignore. "I… I'm not sure if I'll be able to do that."

Kobayashi raised an eyebrow, though the emotionless look in his dark eyes didn't change. "Why? You've done it before."

You've done it before.

That was his favorite fucking thing to say. Every time she's done something only once, he assumed she'd be able to do it again perfectly and without hesitation, no matter how hard it was to do.

"I have. However, I've only practiced altering shorter memories. Altering Hawks's memories is… it's a whole lifetime of memories. I'm not sure if- "

"Espionage," Kobayashi repeated, his voice even sharper than before. It made her flinch. "Your emotions are controlling your judgment. Emotions are weakness. We have spent years training you to reign them in. You cannot let them interfere with your orders now."

"Sir, may I speak my mind?" She couldn't stop herself from asking, but immediately regretted doing so as Kobayashi's gaze turned into a glare.

"You may." His voice was as frigid as his eyes.

Well, there was no backing down now.

"I believe emotions can be our strength, too. Hawks and I have pushed each other to our absolute limits our entire lives. Our friendship is what brought us to this point."

"Yes. The competitiveness between you two is the reason we permitted your relationship to continue while you were children. However, we have reason to believe that your friendship has developed into something more dangerous."

Espionage's face burned. Her heartbeat so hard in her chest that she thought it might break her own ribs. Even the small feather attached to the necklace hidden beneath her shirt felt hot against her skin. When did they find out? How did they find out? God, they were so stupid. Why did her and Hawks ever think they could get away with their little secret relationship? She knew this was going to happen. She knew from the beginning. But how could she say no to something she wanted so desperately? Say no to his companionship, his promises, his love.

She couldn't. So now they had to face the consequences.

The Project Eta lead sat back in his chair, his lips into a thin line. "Love is an incredibly dangerous thing. Especially for Hawks. You lack the physical abilities that he has. If you were to ever find yourself in a dangerous situation, that love could cause him to sacrifice himself to protect you. Do you want that?"

"Never, sir," she said, looking down to avoid seeing the scalding look in his eyes.

"You are a liability to him."

Kobayashi always had a way of making her feel small. Worthless. Hawks was his pride and joy; she's known that for years. It was a fact that he made clear as day. She did everything he asked. She passed every test. But no matter what she did, there was something about her that was flawed. She wasn't as fast as Hawks, wasn't as charismatic, wasn't as strong. Sure, there could be an argument made about who was more intelligent, but intelligence wasn't always preferred. Espionage thought too much and too hard about things and Kobayashi knew that. She was always thinking of new ideas, issues, and solutions. She usually thought of a plan better than the one her superiors gave her. That sort of intelligence was dangerous when trying to create a superhuman government-controlled spy.

"I understand, sir."

"But I can see that you're hesitant to complete these orders, so I will delay them. I'll give you a chance to prove me wrong," he mused, his facial expression going blank.

Her head snapped up, orange curls bouncing around her head at the sudden movement. "Sir, I… don't understand."

"I'm allowing your relationship to continue on the condition that you do not tell Hawks what we discussed."

"Sir… will I be punished? I'm not denying your orders, I just- "

The Project Eta head lifted his hand to cut off her stammering. "No. You won't be punished. I must admit I'm curious to see how this will progress moving forward. When this project began, we had never considered what would happen if two subjects became close with one another. It has been beneficial up until this point, as you said. And while I believe that it won't continue to be as smooth sailing, I'm giving you the opportunity to prove me wrong." Kobayashi's eyebrows fell, his brown eyes narrowing again. "Don't squander it, Espionage."

"Understood, sir."

"Good. Remember you're forbidden from discussing this with Hawks. You're dismissed."

The teen stood, bowing toward her supervisor before she turned. Suzuki opened the door to let her out, the slightly younger man's eyes just as cold as Kobayashi's. Even with the eye covering she wore constantly around headquarters, she was never allowed to be in a room alone with anyone besides Hawks anymore. Despite never trying anything on her supervisors before, it seemed like they were still afraid of what she could possibly do. Ordinarily, the fact that they feared her so much made her feel a little smug, but right now it only made her fear herself. She could, in theory, do exactly as Kobayashi asked. Espionage could make Hawks forget about her. Almost eleven years of memories, good and bad, gone in a moment with just a few simple words.

It was terrifying to be reminded that she had such a power. The power to alter the memories others had, make them go against their better judgements, change their opinions, and share their deepest secrets. The ability to hurt other people without lifting a finger. The power to make people take their own lives. She could never be a committed murderer because she could make everything look like a suicide. There was technically no blood on her hands, she never had to pull the trigger herself, but she still felt the stains on her soul. It made her shiver. She wanted to vomit. It made her feel even more twisted that the thought of making Hawks forget about her hurt more than anything else the Commission's made her do up until this point. How could something as selfish as that make her more uncomfortable than killing another human? She worked so hard to hold onto the emotions Kobayashi insisted were the devil, but it turns out that he succeeded in some ways; she'd rather murder someone than give up Hawks.

No. No, that wasn't right. She didn't want to kill anyone. She had to. Or else they'd kill her.

Right?

Did rationalizing it in that way make up for the fact that by the age of seventeen she's already caused the death of four people? And that she'd do anything at this point to prove Project Eta wrong just once? But how could she prove that the feelings her and Hawks had for one another wouldn't hurt them? Kobayashi of all people has never rescinded orders before. Was this just a test? Was it blackmail? A new way to control her? What could it possi-

"Hey, Espie, watch where you're going," Hawks laughed, catching her in his arms as she walked right into him.

"Shit, sorry," she muttered. The girl refused to look up at his face.

The boy's eyebrows furrowed together. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"Just a review of training sessions the past few days. It's got me thinking," she lied, trying her best to go past him, though he held her in place. She just wanted to get to her room, throw the stupid scarf that covered her eyes on the floor, and think.

"Oh," Hawks sighed, still looking the girl up and down. "Well I guess today would be a good day for them to do that, since it's study day. You wanna think outside? It's really nice out and I was about to do my homework out there."

Espionage shook her head. "No, thanks. I'd rather work in my room right now."

She spared a glance at the winged teen in front of her, her chest aching as she did. His golden eyes looked hurt, but also understanding. The forgiveness he showed without even knowing the story pained her even more. Would he still look at her like that if he didn't know who she was?

Espionage put the thought down as a scarlet feather whizzed its way into her clenched fist. She looked down at it, then back at Hawks, just to see a reassuring smile on his face. He leaned in close, his voice a soft whisper against her ear.

"You know what to do if you need me."

The girl nodded and silently made her way to her room, already stroking the feather with her rough fingertips. Bending the feather in half meant he should go to her as soon as possible. It was a code he made up years ago, but she never made use of it. She liked figuring things out herself, and Hawks knew that, though it made him feel better to know that she was okay and didn't need help. Not like there was anything he could help with now. This problem was entirely her own. So, just like so many times before, she refused to bend the perfectly beautiful plume.

The next few days had Espionage entirely on edge. She was determined to make everything she did perfect. There was no way she'd waste the opportunity she was given, not only to make Kobayashi eat his words, but also to keep Hawk in her life. For a split second, she wondered if she succeeded. Her instructors were all very impressed by her suddenly flawless training sessions as she used her newfound motivation to hit harder and move faster than she ever had before. She ignored her protesting muscles and the constant aching of her head. Everything seemed like it just might work the way she wanted it to.

Until Sunday came around.

Hawks and Espionage were informed first thing in the morning that they'd be spending their day off school at a hero training arena. It wasn't the first time they've done this, but the girl had a terrible feeling settle in her stomach immediately. If anything bad was going to happen, it was going to be there. This had to be the test they were planning, the thing that would show Espionage that the teen's relationship, their love, was a toxic thing. She'd be damned if she went down without a fight, but that didn't stop her from finding the briefest moment alone to give Hawks a passionate kiss, just in case.

The training arena was large and in the shape of a large circle, with the interior currently set up like a disaster zone of a city. The two teens made their way to the middle of the destruction and waited, taking in their surroundings before Kobayashi sounded over the intercom, his voice surrounding Espionage in a way that made her muscles tense up.

"Today, you're both going to be working together to eliminate the remaining threats that are hiding within a city. While this test is nothing new, we've added some additional obstacles. Hawks, as you know, you're going to have to partner with other heroes in the future during certain missions. Your partner might not always be well suited for the mission you're on, and may even be more of a hindrance than help, so this training session will test your ability to cover not only your own weaknesses, but your partner's."

Hawks sent a sideways glance towards Espionage. He looked almost insulted on her behalf. Meanwhile, the knot in her stomach just grew larger.

"Espionage, this is going to test your ability to find your way out of a situation that you aren't suited for," the project leader continued. His next words felt like they were aimed straight toward the young girl. "I expect you both won't disappoint me. Now begin."

The Commission raised teens started to thoroughly survey the area, both staying close together after the man's near threatening instructions. Espionage was hyper vigilant, searching every nook and cranny, every shadow around them, just waiting for someone to pop up. She already had the gun pulled from the hoister on her hip, taking the safety off and keeping her finger on the trigger.

"It'll be okay, Espie," Hawks reassured. His eyes were closed as his feathers scattered and circled the area around them. Suddenly, they opened. "They're on the left."

Espionage raised the gun, waiting for the figure Hawks found to emerge. In her mind, she was expecting a human in bulletproof armor, complete with a helmet that was strapped in a way she probably couldn't easily remove. But when she finally saw what was waiting for them, her mind went blank.

"A robot?" she questioned, quickly shooting the mechanical being in the head, knocking it over to the ground, the lights emitting from its eyes going dim.

"That's different," Hawks shrugged. "Just means we can go all out without hurting anyone right? More at our three o'clock."

A group of red feathers found another robot from the shadows and lifted it off the ground, bringing it just high enough to drop so that the plastics and metal parts snapped. Espionage waited a few more seconds for a clearer shot before shooting two more down.

This was easy. Too easy. Or so it seemed.

They were large, humanoid automatons, with realistic body proportions and easily standing over six feet tall. Sure, they went down fast with a well-placed bullet, but a large group of them were gradually trudging themselves towards the pair. At first it wasn't a big issue, since the teens could keep taking them down one by one before any got too close. It took until her second reload for Espionage's clear, battle mode mindset to fill with anxiety again.

Just how many of these were there? They seemed mostly harmless now, but she was going to run out of ammo eventually. The knives strapped to her thighs could only tear through so much, so she'd have to quickly locate a weak point she could easily attack within their structure, but the action would still be slower than a gunshot. And who knew what the beasts would do when they got up close, since right now both teens were trying to maintain their distances.

More robots approached, now circling them in all directions. Hawks pulled out two of his longest feathers to use as swords, summoning back enough of his feathers to add to his agility and to get himself off the ground, while using the others to continue attacking the surrounding machines. Espionage cursed under her breath as she loaded her last bullets in her clip, tossing the weapon to the side when it was finally empty. She pulled out the knives, duel wielding them in a similar way to Hawks. She ran toward the closest mechanical beast that was mostly on its own, cautiously avoiding the swings of the metal arms as she closed the gap. The knives clanged against the metal, eventually finding purchase on a vulnerable wire in the back of what would be the robot's knee. Separating the metal strands made the creature lock up and stop moving.

"Hawks, they've got weak knees," she called out.

"Copy that," he responded, moving his attacks lower and seeing an immediate improvement.

Espionage relaxed a little again. The gun that had become her weapon of choice was useless and her quirk right now was even more so, but this wasn't too terrible. It was a lot to handle, and she could imagine them both being exhausted after this, but it was manageable for now. They could do this. It would be fine.

That was until the bullets started hitting the walls. Like Kobayashi just knew when she started to feel confident and turn the dial up.

Dust fell on her as she ducked to avoid the projectiles that whizzed over her head. They weren't going to hit her even if she stayed standing up straight; the Commission wasn't crazy enough to purposefully kill their protégées during a training session, but it was enough to startle both of them as the bangs filled the arena. It was like the robots were set into a new mode, with all of them now actively attacking at far range and their close-range movements becoming faster. What was worse was that it seemed most of them were trained on Espionage's position.

The girl did her best as she was surrounded by metal limbs, bullets still shooting above her. One of the small projectiles struck past her, hitting something that caused an explosion, sending flames to lick at her skin and her ears to start ringing. The feathers that were working at the machines behind her were engulfed in the now raging fire. It was then that Espionage started to panic. How many had they disabled? How many were left? How long was this going to go on before one of them actually got killed?

As she continued her battle, one of the humanoids finally got the best of her. It swung its arm toward her direction, catching her side and sending her tumbling down the ground. More metallic fists aimed in her direction, pummeling the asphalt beside her as she rolled back and forth to dodge them. A flurry of red appeared above her not long after she fell, pushing their adversaries away.

"Just how much money did they spend on these damn things?" Hawks laughed, Espionage barely able to hear him as her hearing recovered.

She gulped. "I don't know. Back to back?"

"Works for me."

They covered each other's blind spots for as long as they could, hacking and slashing at their strange enemies. Once again, things seemed to be going alright. They were overwhelmed, but it was nothing they couldn't get under control together with some communication, most of it wordless because of their connection and knowledge of each other. What screwed them over wasn't something either of them could have predicted. A stupid fluke accident. It was a stray piece of shrapnel flying off the wall from one of the bullets and slicing open Espionage's thigh. She fell forward, the wind getting knocked out of her as she landed hard on the concrete once again, sticky warm liquid starting to trail from the wound. The metal draggers she was holding skittered across the ground while trying to brace her fall. One of the robots took the opportunity to kick her ribs, sending her into a coughing fit as she tried to get oxygen back into her system. From her peripherals, she could see the metal foot coming at her again so she closed her eyes and braced for it as best she could.

But she never felt pain.

She heard a resounding crack, but nothing hurt.

When she opened her eyes, Hawks was there again, a small trail of blood coming from his mouth as he clutched the side of his own ribs with one hand and using the other to stay balanced on top of her. The punches and kicks kept coming, but he took them all like a true hero should, barely wincing at each. She opened her mouth, trying so hard to form words when she couldn't. He only smiled, willed his remaining feathers to his back, and lifted her with one arm, flying for just a short burst to get them both out of the thick of the bludgeoning fest. They made a rough landing on the top of one of the ruined buildings, both working hard to catch their breath.

"Hawks," Espionage panted. "We need to split up."

"Are you crazy?" he grumbled back. He extended a hand to help her up, the back of her leg protesting the entire time, but she ignored it.

"No. Don't you see? This is exactly what they want to happen. They want to see us struggle together," she said as her eyes burned from dust and tears.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"The other day when- Hawks, lookout!" she cried, grabbing the boy, and pushing him out of the way as a machine reached toward their ankles from the edge of the building it managed to climb, grabbing hers in its cold fist.

She got yanked from where she struggled to stand, sending her falling from the tall building back into the waiting bunch of robots, like they were a pack of hungry lions waiting for their kill. Her fall was softened by the scarlet feathers that slowed her descent, dragging her just far enough so she wasn't in the middle of the fray, the plumes turning back to go to their owner as she saw him dive from the building to join her on the ground. He landed in front of her, a wall between her and the assailants she knew were programmed to follow her. She couldn't breathe as she watched Hawks try to take on over a dozen of them by himself like the god he thought he was. Like Icarus flying too close to the sun.

Of course, all the fighting was catching up to him. He was trained to stop fights quickly. The longer battle goes on and the more feathers he lost, the slower he went. Hawks was tiring, all of his feathers spread through the area, searching for the opportunity to strike at the loose wires while he continued to slash away from close range and guard her injured, weaponless form.

"Hawks. Please stop. Please fly away. Please go. I can't lose you," Espionage said.

She didn't know if she was whispering the words or he just was ignoring her, because he didn't respond. Instead, the world around her slowed as more bullets fired above their heads and she saw a large clump of broken bricks shower on top of them. She turned toward the ground and covered her head, the solid chunks pounding at her back. When she looked back, Hawks had one arm to his side, hanging limply and already swelling. Time ticked by like it was being frozen in place as a metal hand connected with his jaw and sent him tumbling to the ground like a rag doll. He didn't move after.

Everything stopped. The world stopped. Espionage dragged herself to Hawks. Her partner. Her best friend. Her love. There was blood smeared across his chin, his cheek was bruised, his arm clearly broken, probably broken ribs too if she had to guess. Dirt coated his skin and the few feathers still on his back, the rest falling to the ground wherever they were when he fell. He looked awful. Half dead.

And it was all because of her.

Sobs erupted from her chest, the pain of fear overshadowing any physical pain she felt in that moment. She couldn't do anything. She was useless. A liability. He was willing to practically die for her and she couldn't do anything to protect him. She couldn't even get him to listen.

"Stop!" she screamed up into the air. "Stop it! Stop it! You were right! You were right…"

Espionage took a shaky breath in, brushing his unruly hair back, and kissing his forehead, probably for the last time ever.

"I'll do it. I'll listen. I'll do whatever you want. I'll make Hawks forget. Please just stop it and help him."