Title: Raising Amelia
Author: PreppyPrincess5103
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: One-night stands can have lifelong repercussions.
Part Twenty-Three
Christmas Day
Harm was the first one awake on Christmas morning. He had never been much of a morning person, but that had changed thanks to Amelia, and the early morning babbling through the baby monitor. She knew a few words at this point, but most of it was gibberish. And it was the least annoying alarm clock ever. He slid out of bed and glanced at Mac while he dressed. He loved how at peace she looked when she slept, and he briefly thought about how close he had come to losing what they had. She was insistent that they would have found their way back to one another eventually. But what was eventually? Five years down the road? Ten? Losing that much time with her was too horrible to think about, and he shook his head to clear the thoughts.
He went to Amelia's room and smiled at his little girl. She was standing up, looking over the side of the crib. Her little face lit up when she saw him, and he hurried to pick her up. He changed her diaper and put her in one of her Christmas outfits for the day. His mother, Mac, and Claire had all sent her outfits that boldly proclaimed, 'baby's first Christmas'. He had put her in one the night before, she would wear one this morning, and then one later in the evening when everyone came back over for dinner.
Harm was giving her breakfast in the kitchen when Mac walked in. She smiled at Harm, rubbed a hand over Amelia's head, and went to start the coffee. She was mindful of the others joining them that morning and didn't make it as strong as usual. While it brewed, she moved to the chair next to his, and watched as Amelia picked up a piece of egg with her tiny fingers and put it carefully in her mouth.
"What time is everyone coming over?"
He checked his watch. "We agreed on eight. But mom and Claire are both so excited for her first Christmas, I honestly expect them any minute." He extended a piece of banana to her and tried to hide a smile as she ignored it and picked up her own piece of banana from her plate. His daughter was terrifyingly independent. His only real purpose at meal time these days was to make sure she didn't choke on anything.
Mac looked down at the robe she was wearing, which was his, and stood. "In that case, I should go change." He looked up at her and was about to say something, but at that moment the doorbell rang. He checked his watch again and sighed. It was only 7:15. She smiled and tightened the robe before sitting back down. "Go get the door. I'll stay with her."
Harm leaned in to kiss her. "Okay. And Merry Christmas."
She cupped his cheek and tried not to cry. At times it was almost overwhelming how much she loved him, and this was one of those times. "Merry Christmas."
He gave her another quick kiss and hurried to the door. His mom and Frank were on the other side, and his mother was practically bouncing with excitement. The three of them exchanged hugs, before his mother moved past him and into the apartment.
Frank smiled at her and then leaned in to whisper to Harm. "She wanted to come by an hour ago. I held her back the best I could." Harm laughed and they both moved into the apartment.
Mac and Trish were pulling apart, and Trish was now kneeling before Amelia and cooing over her. She and Frank hugged, and then she excused herself to go get dressed. She was pulling a chunky red sweater over her head when the doorbell rang again. She hurried into a pair of jeans and hurried back into the living room to greet Claire and Jamie. She knew that as excited as she was over Amelia's fist Christmas, she was also anxious about meeting Trish. She walked back into the living room as Harm was making introductions and watched as Trish reluctantly handed her granddaughter over to her aunt. Mac's eyes moved from the two women to Amelia and smiled. This child was so loved by all of the adults in her life. She remembered when they first found out about her, and how scared Harm was that he wouldn't be enough for her. She had told him he would be an amazing dad, and that he wouldn't have to do this alone. She had been so right. She moved to Harm's side and leaned into him as he tugged her close.
"I'm just curious," Harm started, his tone teasing, "if I'll get to hold my daughter at some point this morning."
Trish waved him off and sat down on the sofa next to Claire. "No. This morning is for grandparents and aunts. Mom and dad are just going to have to wait." The room went quiet. Mom. The word hung in the air like a storm cloud on an excruciatingly hot summer day. Trish reddened, and glanced at Claire. "What I meant was-"
Claire shook her head, and offered Trish a small, but genuine smile. "No, you have it right." She looked up at Mac and smiled.
Mac leaned back and studied the massive mountain of crumpled wrapping paper. Every single one of them had gone overboard buying gifts for a child that wasn't even one yet. She glanced at Harm, who was looking around the room with the same overwhelmed expression she knew she wore. They would need to talk about this later, because if this kept up, they would need one house for them, and one house for Amelia's toys. She saw Frank helping Trish with her jacket and stood to say goodbye. She walked with them to the door and promised there wasn't anything they needed to do or bring for dinner later that evening. Trish hugged her tightly, Frank kissed her cheek, and then they were gone. She went back to the living room and collapsed onto the couch next to Jamie.
"Are you okay?"
Jamie turned to face her and nodded. "I'm good. Just tired. I'm kind of excited to go back to the hotel and take a nap."
"I'm right there with you." She looked at Harm and Claire, who were still sitting on the floor with Amelia. "Is Claire okay?"
He nodded again. "I think so." He was quiet for a long moment. "I think she wants to be alone with Harm." He glanced at Mac and realized how his words may have sounded. "Oh, not like that. She found something in her sister's stuff, that she wants him to have."
She watched Amelia walk over to Claire and hand her a toy. Claire gushed over it, the way most adults did when a child handed them something, and then discretely put it down once Amelia went after something else. Mac turned her attention back to Jamie and stood. "Let's give them some privacy."
He nodded and reached for his camera before standing. He walked over to Claire and put his hands on her shoulders. "Mac and I are going to get some air." She looked up at him gratefully and nodded.
Harm's eyes met Mac's. Her eyes darted to Claire and he seemed to get it. He watched as she put on a heavy camel colored coat and walked outside with Jamie. He turned his attention back to Claire and smiled. "It's 35 degrees outside. Those two must really need some air."
Claire shrugged. "Or Jamie knew I wanted a minute alone with you."
He thought back to the beginning of their relationship, and how uneasy Claire was being in his apartment alone with him. He was pleased the awkwardness had gone away once she had gotten to know him, and knew he wasn't some dirty old man who would take advantage of a twenty-year-old girl. He watched her get up and move to the giant tote bag she had brought with her that morning. She returned holding a flat box and handed it to him.
Harm looked at the box, and then back at Claire. "You didn't have to get me anything."
She bit her lip. "Technically it's not from me. It's from Claudia." His eyes comically widened, and she couldn't help but smile. "When I sold her house, I moved all of her things in storage. I was cleaning out the unit a couple of weeks ago and I thought you should have this."
He opened the box and pulled off the tissue paper. He stilled and moved his fingers over the front of the book. It was a baby book, and Amelia's original name was embossed in gold letters on the dark pink cover. He ran his fingers over the name. Amelia Ellsworth Moore. He knew that her middle name had been Claudia's maiden name. And when he changed her last name to Rabb, he had kept it and dropped Moore. He opened the book and saw all of the mementos that Claudia had saved - hospital bracelets, a lock of her hair, tiny hand and footprints, and page after page of photos and handwritten notes. He swallowed hard and looked at her. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Her voice was soft, and he imagined she was struggling not to cry. "I know you have her own baby book for her, but I thought maybe you could combine the two." She shrugged. "If you want. You don't owe Claudia anything, but one day Amelia may want these things."
Harm reached over and squeezed her hand. "Amelia will know about her. I promise." She nodded and looked over at the little girl. She would pick up a new toy, study it, put it down, and do the same thing with the next one. Claire smiled, and took a deep breath and then reached to a white envelope sticking out of the book. She turned the book to that page and watched as Harm looked down.
The two-page spread was all about the parents. The page for Claudia had been completely filled out, but the page for the dad only had a name. He felt himself get angry, and then he noticed the white envelope. His name and his old address had been written on the front, but it had never been stamped and obviously never sent. He picked it up and gave Claire a curious look.
"I don't know what's in it. I didn't feel it was my place to read it."
He nodded and fingered the envelope flap. "Can you give me a minute?"
"Of course. I'm going to put Amelia down for a nap." He nodded and waited till she had scooped up his child before pulling the folded piece of pale blue paper out of the envelope.
Dear Harm,
Today, January 23th at 2:42am, I gave birth to your daughter. Labor was every bit as horrible as I thought it would be, but once I held her for the first time all of that just went away. She's absolutely beautiful, even if she is still a little red and squishy like all newborns.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her. I have your address, so obviously I was able to track you down. Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I struggled over what to do. Over whether or not I should tell you. My younger sister Claire thinks I made the wrong decision by not telling you. She told me I was selfish, and we had the worst fight we've ever had. But she's my sister and she loves me. So, eventually she just accepted my decision, but she's never been happy about it.
I'm not making excuses for myself, but I've lost so much over the past couple of years. First my mom died, then I suffered a miscarriage, and then my marriage fell apart. I couldn't bear the thought of losing my baby too. I know I wouldn't have fully lost her but sending her to you for every other weekend and having to share holidays was just more than I could take. Especially since you're in the military and could one day be very far away. So, I made the decision that I knew I could live with, even though I know I'll feel guilty about it every single day of my life.
I promise I'll take good care of her. I promise I'll be the best mom I can be. I promise she'll never want for anything. And I promise if she ever asks about her dad when she's older, I'll tell her about you.
Love,
Claudia
He sat there for a moment, staring at her unfamiliar handwriting. Finally, he folded the letter and slid it back into the envelope and went to find Claire. She was sitting in the armchair in Amelia's room. Her head was tilted back, and her eyes were closed. He cleared his throat and she looked up at him. He moved closer, extended his hand, and pulled her up. He wrapped his arms around her, and she started to cry as she buried her head in his chest. He knew the day had been a hard one. And even though she had told him that she wanted Amelia to think of Mac as her mother, hearing her referred to out loud as 'mom' had to hurt.
Once she stopped crying, she tilted her head back to look up at him, and he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Thank you."
End Part 23