Chapter 28: It Feels Wrong

Derek's Point-of-View

I was in love with her. Her smile, her laugh, the way she looked so soft and vulnerable when she'd had too much to drink. I'd felt strongly for a lot of women, one of which I was supposed to be marrying the following weekend. This wasn't good, I knew that. But yet with the same breath she took from me, she encouraged me to love Brooke.

I was confused, I was beyond confused, I loathed confusion.

I wanted to want her, but yes, I was afraid of rejection, I was afraid of being alone. I figured a lifetime with Brooke, a woman I could 'tolerate' would be better than one alone. I wished for the first time in my life that I could read minds, and Meredith's would be the only one I would want to read. She said she's not happy and she's hurting, but if that's true then why would she deliberately force me back with Brooke.

Cristina handed, reluctantly, a guitar over the bar and gave me a death glare, a look that said if you so much as scuff the thing I will skin you alive and make a soup from your freshly peeled flesh. I grabbed it and felt nervous, there was her smile again, encouraging me on. Amelia went missing into the crowd in front of the karaoke stage, all waiting for the first dumbass to embarrass himself. It was a once a week thing at Joe's, I think he was trying to change things up, though I hoped he found out soon that everyone liked it just the way it was.

"I don't know about this." I leaned over and mumbled to Meredith, Brooke had pouted off to a table with her girlfriends. Most likely, all men-bashing by now.

"You can do this." She giggled. "You know that you can do this."

"How," I asked, "How can I possibly know that I can do this, I've never done anything so crazy."

"Yes you have." She said with a smirk.

I felt a rush of warmth wrap around me and suddenly confidence hit me like a bus. I felt a smile creep across my face, and I felt as though I could take over the world, just being able to look at her smile, I could do anything.

"You won't boo me off stage will you?" I asked.

"No." she giggled.

"Even if I'm terrible?"

"Even if you're terrible." She smiled sweetly. "As long as you try, that's what matters."

I nodded. Just then I heard a whining screech of a microphone being turned on, I cringed and looked to see Cristina standing on stage.

"Ladies and Gentlemen." She said into the mic, "Before we get started on some ear-piercing karaoke tonight, we're going to let you all get a little more alcohol in your system to tolerate it all." She heard a few cheers and a few boo's "Fuck off! You know you're terrible." She let out a sigh "We're going to have a special live performance from a regular in this place. So be nice, after all he's going to have a ball and chain strapped to his ankles next weekend." I glared at her "Derek."

I turned and panicked but Meredith pushed me forward, the crowd made room to let me pass and I heard booming snickering laughter come from a table of fake blonde's, I didn't need to look. I ignored them, I needed to hold onto all the confidence I had left to get through this. I slung the guitar around my shoulders and faced the mic. A few people clapped but most stared in shock that their friendly every day brain surgeon could even play guitar, much less sing.

"Um." I said clearing my throat "I haven't done this in a while so bare with me." I said into the mic "I didn't write this song but it's the only thing that comes to mind, and it reminds me of a special someone, I hope she knows who she is."

I heard a gasp and looked up to see Brooke burying her head in her hands with embarrassment, her friends glaring at me. I turned to see that they'd caught Meredith's attention as well, she flashed them a glare then looked up at me and nodded. I started strumming my guitar and saw her walk up to the middle of the crowd and take out a zippo lighter, light it and start waving it through the air above her head, I chuckled to myself as I started to sing.

I heard the crowd erupt with applause, I have to admit I surprised myself. Amelia and Cristina were standing on top of the bar cheering, it was embarrassing, but my eyes found Meredith and she looked so happy she was glowing. She was right, I needed to do something crazy and reckless, I hadn't felt that good in…I couldn't remember, and it was all because of her. I carefully set the guitar against the wall and hopped off stage, I started to make my way towards her, our smiles glowing, and our eyes connected, unwavering. I was only a few feet from her when a pair of skinny arms slung around my shoulders and I felt a pair of lips collide with mine.

I stumbled back and saw Brooke standing in front of me with tears in her eyes "Oh Derek!" she sniffled "I'm sorry I was embarrassed I didn't know you could sing. But oh my god it was so romantic! Thank you so much!" she kissed me again "I love you."

I looked over her shoulder and saw Meredith smiling, not the glowing smile she had on her face a moment ago, but still a smile, she nodded and then turned around and walked off…My arms wrapped around Brooke, but it felt wrong….for the first time since being with her, it felt wrong.