But Can You Go Back Once You Know?
Chapter Eighteen – We'll Meet Again
We'll meet again.
Don't know where, don't know when.
But I know we'll meet again, 'some sunny day.
(The Ink Spots – We'll Meet Again)
What time is it?
It's so dark.
Shit, I didn't sleep through work, did I?
Flat on his back, Gohan palms the space around him to look for his phone, grunting when he finds himself only plucking at air.
Jesus.
He sits up… and then it comes back to him.
Squire. The fire. Libera. Acciperé. The spirit bomb -
"Goku."
There's a sharp pain in his chest. It reaches from the depths of his stomach, as he pivots and tries to make sense of where he is. But he may as well be blind. It's black. Everything's black. Even when he spreads his fingers in front of his face, nothing changes. He can't even see his pinky.
The air also feels thick and he keeps taking in deep, panicked breaths which only makes it simulate drowning.
What happened?
Where is this place?
He clenches at the fabric of his shirt, and his heart rages.
The last thing he remembered… the Earth… He –he had been powering up, he'd actually managed it, he'd become golden and strong, and… and… then…
Gohan leans back against his hands and regards the eternity of black around him.
And then this.
Am I dead?
He doesn't remember dying, but maybe his dad or Acciperé succeeded in stopping him the only way possible. Maybe it's a mercy that he doesn't remember it. Goku had wanted so much more.
Gohan brings his knees up, knocking them together before leaning over. He rests his head.
Why am I so tired if I'm dead?
And then he feels a thwack across the back of his skull.
Strangely, it's annoyance that makes him look up. He scowls on principle, reflex really. Then his jaw drops as the faint outline of a person comes forward, exposed from the drape of black. The fist lowers from where it had just struck him.
Gohan doesn't really have personal experience with dying so this is all a bit new to him. He never really knew what to expect… but it certainly wasn't this.
The fist unfolds, fingers opening out. They stretch in front of his face.
"Either take my hand or don't."
Gingerly, he does, and he's pulled up to his feet. There's a stumble, and a great effort on both of their parts not to topple over.
The hand goes to pull away but Gohan finds it hard to let go. Eyes rotate up onto him.
There's stillness between them. Every word goes unsaid but is still somehow heard. There's so much he wants to say, and so, he starts with a name.
"Videl-"
There's very little in the way of tears left in him, but a thick blob aback his throat has him struggling to continue. He eventually lets go of her just so he can bring his hands over his mouth. Constriction squeezes him. The python in his chest is relentless.
He…
He splutters a laugh.
"I really am dead, huh?"
Videl snorts, but she's smiling. It's a tired looking quirk of the lips.
"Didn't expect it to be me to come get you, right?"
Gohan rubs and rubs at his face, he's exhausted too. The shock of it is quick to turn into humourless irony.
"You know, I'm kind of done with the twists and turns. I'm ready to call it a day."
Videl walks forward, a golden circle of light atop her head bobbing along with her. It floats, adorning dark hair like a shining crown, and reminding Gohan eerily of one of those cartoon-like halos. Against the black, it sings gloriously, offering the warming presence of an angel.
Videl Satan the angel.
Does he have one?
He looks up.
Nothing.
He stumbles as he follows her down a corridor of black, pushing against the furious beating in his chest. It's because he's going to hell, right? Is that where she's taking him? It shouldn't come as a surprise, really. Gohan's done loads of bad things. Sending Videl was just another way to punish him, torture him—
"You're not dead."
Dry-mouthed, he stares her down. "What?"
"You're alive."
"I… but… you-"
"Yeah, I'm not," she stresses, pointing to the halo with emphasis. "At least, not yet. I think I will be soon, though."
"The… dragon balls."
"Yeah." She nods. "They'd been collecting them during your temper tantrum-"
He balks, brow furrowing. Maybe it's their history, but Gohan's expression is quick to sour. "It –it wasn't a temper tan-"
"Jeeze, I'm kidding."
He glares at the back of her head, hating those ratty pigtails, hating that even after all this shit he still can't fucking suck it up and not take the bait. The pace picks up and even though she's got little legs, Videl's managing to lead them with a decent speed.
Gohan does try speaking to her, but quickly finds himself tongue tied. The image of that snotty girl from class is quicker to replace the memory of her dead eyes than he'd ever thought possible. But he needs to say something. He needs to apologize.
It chokes him.
"Vid-"
Videl stops suddenly, turning to face him.
And as she does so, the world opens up into an ocean of colour. Greens and blues burst into reality, so bright to look at, but wonderfully entrancing, brushes the landscape, and colours his once shadowy realm bright. Videl doesn't look taken aback, instead watching alongside him as, like rainfall, the diversity of shades give texture to the domain in quiet patters.
The scene peacefully comes together as the last few specs of blue drop into place, finishing the pastel tones of a flowing river. Delicacy runs down the many a streams patterning together in a complicated web of fluidity, which feeds into the larger, ever so slightly faster paced current of the river. It thrums through the greenery, kissing flowers and grass as it flows, and mirroring an open, cloudless sky.
Standing in the centre of the patchwork, Gohan spirals around, consuming as much of the view as one possibly can.
Everything he's thought about nature, all the ill-feelings he had towards his trekking through the forests, disappears.
It's beautiful.
As Gohan twirls, he spots a globular house in the distance. It's white, with a smoking chimney and a neatly kept garden.
It's home.
It's perfect, which is strange because he's never felt that way about anything before. Yet, here he stands, as light as he's ever felt in years. Calmness takes him, and he gazes over miles of Evergreen.
"This isn't real," Gohan finally says, still unable to haul his attention away from the stretch of forest. Unknown birds call out to him from the depths, singing as the softness of the breeze caresses the back of his neck.
He then looks down at her. "You. You're not real."
Videl, or at least the image of her, is quick to ruffle.
"I am real, I'll have you know," she insists, doubly saturated in the new, summery brightness. The blues in her eyes shine. "Don't think you're that special, Gohan."
Gohan scoffs, and crouches against the river. He dips his fingers in, enjoying the coolness.
"Another mirage."
"Is that what you think?"
Leaves tickle at his skin as they float by. The current carries them south, feeding them to the horizon.
"Hallucination then."
A shadow is cast over his form, darkening the cerulean of the river navy, and he turns to see her with hands on hips. The sun is bright in the background, darkening her silhouette, and padding the cutting glare she's currently giving him.
He returns it out of habit.
A moment passes.
The intricate sounds of nature fills in the silence, one fleeting and light, as it carries against the lull of calm, free green.
Her scowl breaks first, and then his. And for the first time in Gohan's 'living' memory, both he and Videl Satan smile at one another.
She chuckles, and comes to kneel beside him. Her hand slips into the fresh body of blue besides his.
"I've been to this mountain area only a handful of times," she says, expression warm, and not at all like the unbearable girl from school. This is a different Videl, but one who asserts that she's indeed real. "Yet… I've always thought it's the most beautiful place I've ever seen."
He hums.
"I think we're in a memory," Gohan then offers wistfully. "That's my family home over there."
Videl turns and looks at it for quite some time. "Cute, I guess. If you're into weird spherical houses."
"Spherical," he repeats in mock, lightly though, "that's a big word for you."
She rounds on him. "Yeah, well… shut up."
He smirks. It dies on his lips as he drinks more and more of the view. "I came here before meeting you, back before we…" he flinches, "back before we met at that warehouse."
Videl drops to the grass, folding her legs. She looks out over the water, her eyes swimming, showing so much more life than when Gohan had last truly noticed them. How could he have ever thought her not real? That haunted glow, blue in its shimmer, is the most real and jarring thing he's ever seen.
His head bows, and he slips down to join her on the bank. The mud feels wet under his bottom.
"I'm sor-"
"Don't say it," Videl interrupts, gaze steeled.
Gohan takes in a breath. "I –I… Vid-"
"No," she affirms, "no, I don't want to hear it."
And he deflates, tension soaking right out of him. Silence follows, this time heavier. Gohan has a million things he wants to say, but knows that this isn't about him, or about his feelings. Videl has a right to feel the way she does. What he did… it was monstrous.
And that's why it's her next words that shock him.
"It was my fault."
He stills.
"What?"
"I'm arrogant," she says, knotting thin brows. Her fingers scrape against the mud, discolouring her fingers brown, digging ever deeper as her frustration rises. "I can be stupid sometimes. I should have listened."
He jostles. "Vid-"
"You warned me." She's curt with her words. "Krillin warned me. Goku. Erasa. Heck, even my dad told me to leave well enough alone."
"I killed you," Gohan informs her as though she doesn't know. "Don't you remember? I kill-"
"You warned me. You, who I've been watching by the way, Gohan, you, who was totally not in his right mind still tried to stop me from being a complete and utter idiot."
"I still killed y—wait, you've been watching?"
Videl gives him a look. It's unreadable; something Gohan hates because he's actually pretty good at reading people. Whatever it is has him unable to keep looking at her.
"I'm not pitying you," she clarifies.
"Yeah, I know."
"I'm actually still trying to get over that you're Goku's kid right now," she breathes, a hint of amusement in her words. "I don't think something like that ever crossed my mind. Maybe being Vegeta's son-"
Gohan lifts a foot and moodily splashes it against the current. Water sloppily catches the both of them, "don't even say something like that."
Videl dries her face against her shoulder, and Gohan catches her smirking against the cotton.
"And you're a saiyan," she then comments, clicking her fingers. "How much can you remember?"
"Not much." As one of his legs is already sopping wet, he may well let the other join its brother. Jets of bracing water lap at them under the warm sun. "I remember being in the woods a lot. Dad, I remember him. But, uh, Cell Games, mostly. I wish I didn't—shit, no I don't. Why the fuck would I say that?"
Videl snorts. "I think you should stay away from the dragon balls."
"Me too."
"You know," she starts, "I used to…"
He raises a brow.
"Buu… He was… God, how do I explain Buu?" Videl thinks hard for a moment, swapping her attention between the river and Gohan. "He was a bad guy."
"Like Cell?"
"Like Cell except way wor—yeah, like Cell. But Goku and everyone used the dragon balls to make everyone else forget. The entire world -everyone- died, including me and you –probably- and everyone else on Earth."
"Wh-what? When?"
Videl sighs. "It was a while ago. I… I don't want to talk about it right now, but… I'll say this, for a long time… I really struggled with the knowledge of it. Everyone else forgot but me, Goku and a few others… and I didn't really handle it well. I used to wish I'd forgotten too."
Gohan tries to push aside that the entire population died and focuses on what she's saying. Really, it's hard for him not to resonate with it. What a fucking pair they are.
"I made that wish. One out of ten. Would not recommend."
She barks a laugh. "Yeah, I've seen it's been a bit of shit show for you."
Did Videl Satan just swear? Well, he never…
He leans back, resting his head on the padding of springy grass. Overhead he watches as a migration of birds soar under the cotton-like clouds adorning the blue. Absently, he recalls being able to reach heights like them, fly like them –having a freedom he'd never known as Gohan Squire.
Gohan Son…
Sounds strange.
He turns and watches as Videl Satan admires the flock. Her hand shields over the top of her eyes. Really, he could be dreaming right now.
This is the person he killed, looking like butter wouldn't melt. Maybe it's this place. It's peaceful, and quiet, and bathes Gohan in some kind of tranquillity. Videl looks much the same. The girl is practically glowing.
Yet… it still niggles at Gohan, he needs her to know.
"I am sorry," he tries again. She jumps a little, and he takes it as a chance to assert himself. "I'm sorry, really sorry."
"I told you th-"
"I'm not a nice person," Gohan pushes, "whether you dying was my fault or your fault, or no-one's fault, I… I still…"
He scrapes his hair back from his face. A guttural sigh leaves him, one right from the depths of his chest.
"I'm sorry for everything. I was such an ass, and I was reckless, selfish, and so, so angry-"
The grass besides him shifts under her weight. "Gohan…"
"You were just trying to help me. I can see that now."
His eyes closes, the heat (nothing like the fire he'd been dealing with recently) is wonderfully warm and comforting on his skin. It's the perfect summer shower.
Then her words cut right through it.
"I wasn't."
He opens one eye.
"I mean…" her voice knocks, stumbles just a bit, "I thought I was, helping I mean. But in the end… I was selfish too." Her hands wring together uncomfortably. "I really do like helping. I do. But I know it comes from a deeper place than that, somewhere from within."
"We are our actions," Gohan then insists.
Videl is quick to disagree. "No, we're our motivations. Gohan, I mentioned Buu, right? Well, since then, I, well… I wasn't doing too well after all of that…" Her gaze is distant. "You've known me for a while, Gohan, you know that I want to serve justice and do what's right. You know I want to help the people."
"Right…"
She focuses somewhere faraway, somewhere Gohan can't see. "That was my power. I had power to do good… and then I met Goku and the others, and I was useless against Buu. I… just wanted to make a difference and I couldn't. And I remembered that I couldn't, and I remembered dying. Turns out remembering doesn't mean much when you don't learn from it, because here I am again after I forced my stupid ideals onto you."
"You tried-"
"I wanted to help you to feel good, Gohan. You've never been wrong about me… I thought that if I helped you then maybe I wouldn't be… so useless."
She sucks in a deep breath. "So yeah. Don't apologize to me."
He lets her words sink in, closing his eyes and listening as the journeying water passes them. Videl, in turn, lies back too, and neither of them speaks for a little while. The squawks from neighbouring birds and soft clicks from the many bugs create a soothing orchestra, framing their silence comfortably.
Clouds tumble, playing like white hares in the sky, as the sun keeps Gohan just the right temperature. Videl said he's not dead but he wouldn't mind if this was his heaven.
"Why are we here, Videl? You said you were collecting me, right?"
Languidly, she faces him. "I think we're just waiting for our ride."
"The dragon balls? But you said I'm not dead."
"You can't stay here forever, stupid. In a memory, in between?"
"Sorry, death- expert."
A gasp leaves her. "Gohan!"
Gohan laughs. It bubbles right from out of him, making him weightless. It's a feeling he could get drunk on.
Videl laughs too, but then, just like, that she stops, sombre.
"I'm going to miss my mum."
In an instance, bubble popped, he sits up and regards her, squashing several flowers as he leans. For the first time, she looks solemn. "Your mu-"
It goes ignored. Instead, Videl's eyes widen, and she jumps to her feet –springy like a cat. Her gaze is drawn towards the sun, and she gets a funny look about her. Soft yellow orbits her, pulses from her. She softens.
"I… I think I've got to go." Suddenly nervous, the girl turns to him. "Gohan, they're calling for me to go. I think they're wishing me back."
Shocked with himself, with the disappointment of being left alone, he clenches at the grass under his hands.
A burning question leaves him. "Will you remember this?"
And then she, basking in the sun's glory, faces him full on, regarding him with something as equally as bright. She smiles.
"I want to."
I want to remember everything.
"Me too."
Gohan returns the smile, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.
The glow shimmers, growing slowly as speckles of firefly-like lights prickle at her form.
"Hey," she flashes as peace sign, "we'll meet again."
And then she disappears, sparkling, glowing and becoming one with the blue, the sky, and then the white pureness of the clouds. Only the wind carries the memory of her as Gohan watches where she was once stood. Even her muddy tracks are gone.
Gohan flops back against the grassy bank and closes his eyes.
"I don't know where, or when," he tells the back of his lids, "but I'll remem-"
He then disappears, too.
The river pushes its last current, the breeze dims, and the chimney in the distance stops breathing grey. Flowers fade and the sun sleeps.
Black closes its curtains for good. There's no encore.
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Missed you, girl. It's been about ten or so chapters since I knocked ya' off. But ya doing good, really.
Okay, Gohan/Videl fans. Closure.
One more chapter left (plus epilogue, so that's two chapters really, eh?) This chapter actually turned out three times longer than planned, it just so happened that Videl and Gohan had more to talk about than originally thought. Whoops.
As characters, they've both come a long way. Goku, Gohan and Videl have been the primary focus of this story, but it's the two teeniboppers who have had some really hard inner demons to face. They're foils of one another in how they handed something they weren't equipped to emotionally face. Yet, finally, they look like they're ready to move on.
So, yeah. The reviews I've had have been absolutely lovely. Thank you so very much! Not to brag, but you guys are the best. Seriously, like, it means a lot. We're not far from the end now, and I don't think it would have happened without you. A few have mentioned how the story connected to them on an emotional level, and it's really touching. I'm so happy it resonates with you because it's meant to reflect the demons in us all.
Wow, that sounded lame.
Okay, I'm done with my TED Talk. Thanks again, and stay safe.